Dr Frederik G. PferdtFrom Stanford & Google — To You

You can be loved and still not feel loved

17 Jun 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

0:46

In this brief monologue, the speaker argues that many people are loved yet do not feel loved because feeling loved requires being truly known by the other person. The speaker explains that if one only presents their best qualities and hides shortcomings, the other cannot know the authentic self, and thus the love felt is ambiguous. Citing a book and research, the speaker emphasizes mutual authentic disclosure—both parties must know each other's true selves—for love to be genuinely felt.

Chapters

Many of us are loved, but we don't feel loved. And it's interesting, 'cause really the key to feeling loved is to be known. If you— so Frederik, if you don't know me, I can't really feel loved by you because I'll always want— 'cause like, 'cause then what are you loving then? Right? Like, I always wonder if he knew me, then maybe he wouldn't love me. So Really, if you're only showing your most wonderful qualities and hiding your shortcomings, you know, then I'm not really showing my true self, if you will, to you. So I'm not really known. So the key to feeling loved according to our book and lots of research is to be known. So it's for you to really know me and for me to really get to know you.