Self-Care Secrets Every Entrepreneur Must Hear 💡

Welcome to the Overgivers Anonymous Podcast. My name is Angela Mondor, also known as the Geeky Girl. In this podcast, we're gonna be talking about some amazing things to help you get over overgiving. Hi, and welcome to this episode of the Overgivers Anonymous Podcast. My name is Angela Mondor, and I'm also known as the Geeky Girl. And today I have a really cool guest for you today. Kylie Marie is here, and she is about empowering families through mentorship and coaching, helping people find their dream homes, and she's passionate about making a difference. She's a high-vibe mom of 4 and an accomplished author and speaker and a dedicated community leader. Thank you so much for being here, Kylie.

Thank you for having me.

I am—

How are you? So excited. I'm really well, thank you. How are you?

I'm good, thank you. I would love to know, so how old are your children? You said you have 4 of them.

I do, and people are gonna be surprised because I have— my oldest is 14. People are always like, what? So I have 14, 10, 7, and then I have an 18-month-old. Wow.

Okay, I have 2, so I have a 25 and a 30. Yes, yes.

So yes, they're so fun. I absolutely love it. It's really wild being a mom of a teenager and a— we call her the baby, but a toddler.

Yeah, big huge difference.

Yes, so we go from middle school baseball games To a library storytime in the same day sometimes.

I can see how that could be super challenging to be managing, not even just, you know, the fact that you're having to take your mindset from one place to another, but you're managing different ages and stages in such a very real now moment. I can imagine that being a bit chaotic.

It can be. Again, that is Why I always make sure that I fill my cup up as much as I can when I get the chance to consistently, not when I get the chance to, I, I will say, I will correct that. I do, I get the chance to often because I make time for it. And that's—

And what are some of the things that are most important for you that you do to fill your cup?

You know, self-growth is one of my biggest things. I love to learn. I'm a lifelong learner. I can't tell you how many certifications I have on top of my degree. So that really is a really big one for me. And I know some people, if that feels heavy, right? And they're like, oh man, like, you know, to take on a new certification or something. But I really, really, really love it. And then like day to day, I love to have my nails done. Like my nails are always done. And I know it sounds maybe silly to some people, but one, it always makes me feel put together. And if I feel put together, then I'm going to show up better, not just as myself, but for everyone else. And then, you know, it's little things. It's just, it's little things like maybe I want to eat chocolate today for maybe as many times as I want, but it can be as little as that. Actually, whenever I go visit a new mom, like after she's had her baby, or I always bring a gift and there's always chocolate in it, and I write in the card, eat the freaking chocolate, because as much as, as silly as it sounds, as small as the pieces of chocolate is. There's something about it, at least for me, that just, you know, you spend that minute just savoring the flavor, I guess. You know, if you're a chocolate lover, if you're not, like, choose— I don't know. My best friend really loves sour Skittles. So, you know, she'll eat sour Skittles. So whatever you love, but there is something about just whatever it is that you really enjoy, taking that minute with yourself for yourself. And so it's everything from the smallest Chocolate to going on a cruise without my kids.

Yes, yes. And I think that, you know, it's important for us to look after ourselves both with and without our children. I think that that's really important. It's something that my husband had a hard time with. He, he really didn't think that our kids should ever be away from us and that, that we should always be, you know, that we should never have anybody looking after them and stuff. And I, so We had, we had some long discussions about that, but it's hard for him to do.

It's very common in the parenting world. So I also, you know, do parenting coaching, and that is a big thing that we talk about. And in my parenting coaching, we kind of work backwards, and it's very interesting and it's very personal, and it's more about you than it is about your kids and about the situation even. But that is a very, very common thing that comes up, and it is Something that I kind of help walk people through, because it's important for you to still have your sense of identity and also realize that you can have that and be a mom. So I've spent 14 years of children, right? And it's, it's very different. And there were times, there was times, you know, it was, you know, I think people say, like, oh, I turned 30 and, like, you know, your life kind of changes a little bit. When I was 29, I woke up one day and I was like, I can't do this anymore. And that was actually when I went through my first divorce. And I went from being the mom that just, my kids were my world. I was that person all day, every day. I mean, I ate, slept, and breathed them. I absolutely, I still love them and adore them so much, but I woke up that day and I knew something had to change. And that was the day that I went and got a part-time serving job.

Yeah.

So I actually am a real estate agent as well. You had mentioned that. And I've been doing that for 10 years, but I was like kind of like more part-time with it. And so I actually like woke up that day and I went and we started serving with one of my friends because it was like my getaway. I got to have conversations with other people, with adults, and, and, you know, and all of that. And there's so much to be said when you fuel that part of yourself and you honor yourself. You actually show up so much better. For everyone else when you've shown up for yourself first. Yes, 100%.

Yeah. And it's, it's interesting, like, we talk about ages and stages where we are, and of course, my kids being adults now doesn't mean to say they don't, they don't take up the same kind of time that other kids do, because they do.

But— No, I'm pretty sure that my mom didn't move into the same town as me because— and I tell her this, so it's okay, I can say this publicly— I told her, I said, Mom, I think that You just don't want to move here because you're afraid that I'm just going to be there every day.

Yes, yes.

Since she lives 45 minutes away because she knows I'm not going to drive that 45 minutes every day.

Every day, yeah.

We still take up our parents' time as adults.

Of course, yeah. And it's an interesting concept. The world has changed a lot. I mean, you know, I'm in a different probably generation bracket than you as well. You know, the way that we've seen the world change, right? So the definition of parenting in terms of, you know, how I don't I don't mean the difference between like a helicopter parent versus, you know, those kinds of things, but certainly being a parent now means you're parenting a lot longer timeframe than our parents and your grandparents and your parents probably did, right? And so that changes the dynamic as well. I know that when my kids were younger, it was all about the kids and everything was about the kids. I mean, we had one daughter who played hockey who like sometimes she was on the ice 3 times a day. So like there was a lot of driving and hockey mom moments, right?

So obviously— I had a hockey player too.

Okay, yeah.

We retired from hockey.

That's awesome. Mine's playing beer league now. So, you know, things change, but at the same point, I think there's some changes that happen in your life too as a human. And, you know, you talked about, you know, turning 30 and you're like, whoa, hold on a second, like some stuff's gotta change here 'cause stuff's different, right? I mean, I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD till I was in my 30s. Yeah, and so then you, you know, you move in through, then you've got your ages and stages of your own life. And now, of course, my husband is probably retiring The plan is he's retiring next year, which changes the dynamic again now, right? Because now my husband and I are building our life because our kids are grownups. And so it's interesting as we, you know, we think about parenting, but how we were raised sort of plays into how we feel we should be parents and then how that evolves after we become parents. And then you're a parent for a while, right? Like, this is always this ebb and flow and change of parenting.

Yes, and I actually had a conversation with somebody. I was on a women's retreat, a working retreat, and we had, we had a conversation about that, of her allowing herself to live through phases. And, you know, she was like, you know, she's a parent to young children. She was like, you know, I, you know, we get this mentality that sometimes, like, it's this way, it has to be this way forever. And she's starting to have these transitions in her life, like you've already been through, and, and she was like, Oh, I can like— I get to live through phases. And I think as we get older, again, like you mentioned, you're likely in a different generation than I am. And as we get older, we see these changes and we see these phases. And now we get to live life in a different way, which maybe means we get to take care of ourselves more than we could before. But that's kind of how like I was. I had my first at 20. So I'm 34 now, but when I was 29, I remember I woke up and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Like, I have to have a change. Like, energetically, I knew I just couldn't keep doing what I was doing, how I was doing it. And after plenty of self-work— I'm also a yoga instructor, so I had been through a year-long process to get that certification. And that— I think there was just like a lot of awakening in there, and I just shifted, you know, on an energetic level. and was like, yeah, something's gotta change. And it's living life through phases. And I honor that phase of my life and every other phase that I have been through and will go through. And it can be challenging, but it's really beautiful when people realize that it gets to be like that, that it gets to be these fun different phases that you grow through and that you just get to experience yourself in different ways.

Well, and I love the fact that you alluded earlier to like personal development and learning and growing and all of those things give us really great insight into who we are as human beings, but also we get to learn from other experiences while, like other people, while we're going through those growth moments. And, you know, to be able to look back and go, I'm not the same person I was yesterday, last week, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, but to be able to look back and go, like you said, I honor that, I know where I was, right?

Yeah.

And I'm a big believer in knowing where I'm headed, right? To have an end in mind. This is where I'm headed. And I think that helps, especially when things start to change a little bit, to be able to go, okay, hold on a second, And if this doesn't feel right, where am I headed? Am I headed in the direction that makes me feel good, or do I need to shift? Like you said, like, you're like, I need a shift.

Yeah. And I really believe, you know, over the past few years, I, I believe that we need to make our decisions about anything in life, whether it's your job and you need a change, whether you don't feel that you are comfortable maybe, or just being a stay-at-home mom isn't the thing for you anymore. It's okay. Um, mom guilt is okay. We'll work through those things. Um, and I work through those things with clients All the time, clients and friends all the time. And I'm like, this is okay. This is a new phase of you, and you get to witness the previous phase. And then looking forward, you get to be like, okay. And you know, and it's funny that you say you're like, I have the end game in mind. Just remember that it doesn't always have to go the way that you desire it to go. I actually don't. Someone asked me not too long ago, like, what my 5-year, like, plan or goal was. And I was like, I don't do that. Because I changed so much that if you would have asked me, if you would ask me 5 years ago if I would be where I am today, I would be like, actually, absolutely not. I would have been like, no. I don't—

I can't guarantee that my, my end in mind today is the same as it was 5 years ago. That I can't guarantee. But every, every chance, so once a year at least, I go through and go, okay, am I heading in the right direction? But when things go sideways, which they ultimately do, Then, I get to check in and go, okay, this is where I think I'm headed. Like, do I feel right? Like, I mean, obviously, my husband retiring next year. We've been doing this trajectory for about 3 years, or well, 2 years now. And, it was like 3 years ago or 2 years ago, we were saying, in 3 years, he's going to retire. What does that look like? And then, we had to have a conversation as a couple. It's like, so, here's the way I see it. How do you see it? Like, what do you need in retirement? And, I'm like, okay, well, first of all, you need to stay busy because you just can't be at house all day. You need to stay active and engaged, right? You got to keep busy. Yeah. And, you know, it was like, here's the things I need, right? Like, I need to be near water. So either we're gonna be near a big body of water, we're gonna be by the ocean, whatever. I need trees. I do not— I need to get out of the city. So having those conversations when you know, even, even like, if it's not like, here's my 5-year, 10-year, 20-year plan, but it's a trajectory. It's just like, this is what I think I want. I love that. And then at least when you make decisions, those decisions can line up against, oh, That's not gonna fit with that model. Do I still want that model?

Yeah. And, and I would say it's, you know, it's moving out of excitement and joy.

Yes.

You know, or comfortability. And it's, you know, that at the end of the day, you wanna be happy in a location doing what you enjoy doing. And I, so I always tell people like, let's start there. Let's make our decisions today. 'Cause every minute is a decision, right? Like when I got something to drink, I could have gotten a water or soda, but what, what was it that I desired in that moment? And so my slogan, my, like, tagline actually is, let's flip the script into the life that you desire. And so it's making decisions consciously every day that lead us towards that joy, which is the end. The end result.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I think that it's, it's a beautiful thing. And like I said, it changes, right? And you don't know whether or not the trajectory is 100%, right? And I like to think of it more like a Compass rather than a turn-by-turn GPS, right? Because you're gonna fall off the side of the, of the hill one day. You're gonna go for a tumble. You might roll in some dirt and you have to get up and brush yourself off, right?

But ultimately, then you know what, maybe I, maybe I want to change, you know. So many things too in it. And I think that that's like a really big beautiful aspect of that. I do, I really love to travel. And sometimes people look at me a little weird when I tell them like I've never taken my kids on a cruise. And I very— it's very rare that I do like a big vacation with the kids. Like we do trips in our, like in the United States, right?

Yeah.

So like we'll go here, there, and it's very drivable. So we're very blessed to be in a location that way. And we can, we can be at the ocean in 8 hours, right? Or we can be in Nashville in 5. It's cool. But you know, I fill my own cup up by doing those trips. I am taking my son next month on his first cruise, but that'll be the first time that I've taken my kids on a trip like that because I always try to make sure that I do those things for me and I'm not inducing more stress, but letting me—

Well, anybody that has kids knows that whatever you're going to do, whether it's you're leaving the house to go to the park or you're leaving the house to go to Greece, it doesn't matter what that thing is. The minute you involve children, all things go out the window, right? So yeah, the added stress, like some people Some people are okay with adding that extra stress on their trips, and some people are like, you know what, I just don't need that right now. And it's okay to be that, right? It's okay to say, hey, this is not for me, this isn't what I want it to be. And like, I always call it— I talk about guilt monsters a lot. And I remember having these. I mean, as you know, with ADHD and, you know, being neurodivergent, our guilt monsters are, you know, can be fun. But I remember being, you know, I started my business and my kids were younger And I had these guilt monsters. It was like, oh, I should be spending time with my kids when I was at work. And it was like, I should be at work when I was spending time with kids. So I kept shitting all over myself.

Yes.

And that really destroyed a lot of— first of all, I wasn't present with my kids because I was so busy worrying about work. I wasn't present at work because I was so worried about the kids. The biggest lesson I took was be present. And when I was with my kids, I was with my kids. And as much as you can, work doesn't exist, right? And vice versa. And I think that, you know, that lesson alone was huge for me as a parent to be able to go, ah, I need to take that time for me.

It is, it is. It's so big. And when I work with parents who do that consistently, it helps your relationship as well because you can take your time for yourself and then, you know, you can take time together, but that doing it for yourself alone sometimes is very important. And there are times there are people who I know who feel like they don't remember the last time they were alone, or they did, you know. And so it is, it's very, very valuable to do that.

And, and they're learning to be able to be alone. Like, I remember when I was younger and I'd be meeting somebody for coffee or a meal or something, and I would never go into the restaurant by myself because I didn't want people to think I was like a loser, I was alone, right? And I, you know, that was sort of like, that was the mindset at the time. Well, just, I think it was last year, I think was. We have a spa in town that's just unbelievable. And I had, I had had a really crazy busy week and it was like bang, bang, bang. I had like a, a fundraiser that I had done, like a huge fundraiser that we'd done that week. Plus my nephew was getting married. Plus there was, there was a whole bunch of things and I had done another back-to-back fundraiser before that. And I'm like, I'm going to the spa on Sunday. And then this woman's like, so, well, who are you going with? I'm like, myself. She goes, you're going to the spa by yourself? I'm like, Yeah, I get to spend as many hours as I want there and everybody has to be quiet and I'm alone. I'm in. To, to be able to spend time alone with yourself is so powerful.

It is. And I think people are, well, you know, and people are afraid to do that and they're afraid to be the loner. There, there's also subconscious fear, I think, as well of sitting with yourself. And because when you sit with yourself and you learn yourself more, there's a lot of growth that happens.

Yeah.

It's hard for people to, especially when they have kind of more chaos going on and they're so used to it, it's hard for them to sit with themselves and be by themselves in their own thoughts, especially depending on their level of self-awareness. And I love it. I'm a single mom of 4 kids. My kids go to their dad's. We split them. So I spend a lot of time alone, and I've come to really love it. I love winding down at the end of the day just in bed, okay, by myself. With my little chihuahua. Sometimes I don't even want her in there. Sometimes I'm like, get out of the room, closing the door.

I need alone time.

Sometimes it really is just nice in journaling, and you find so much of yourself there. You find so much of what you actually desire when you sit in those moments, and sometimes you see your shadow, and that's okay. We get to work through those things. But I feel like there is a sense of sometimes fear of thoughts and, oh, that we're going to start feeling things, right? So, There's there's a lot to be said about it, but there's so much magic in that when you find a good balance. And you shouldn't be alone all the time. But you know, it's like when we went on the girls retreat, the girls retreat we did, you know, was held by me coach, right? So coaches have coaches too. And so we all did a you know two hours together, and then we had like challenges and tasks that we had to do throughout the day. But I will tell you that on the task was. Go take a walk on the beach for 15 minutes. Go take a, like, a nap, or go relax, go read a book. Sit in silence for 10 minutes was a task on there. And those are things that you're doing by yourself. And there were other things on the list, of course, to do with other people and collaborate. But she was very intentional that as you got down that list— and not that I followed through the list, I was all over the place, but not everyone's like that. But as you went through the list, you saw that she intentionally in pockets put one here, one here, one there, because there's so much value in it.

Well, and the other piece to it, I think people are afraid of the still— not necessarily the stillness, but also the concept of busy, right? Especially with neurodivergent people, we've had— especially if you're late diagnosed, because then early in life you're like, why aren't you behaving the way the other kids are behaving? Or why can't you keep up with the other kids? Or why are you doing the things you're doing?

So there's Why are you so hyper? Why don't you stop moving?

Yeah, right? Like, why do you keep daydreaming? Like all those things, right? So when you, when you go alone, now all of a sudden, what do you do? And I'm the kind of ADHD that I need, like, if the task I'm doing requires 10% of my energy, then I need something else to take up the other 90%, right? So like, if I'm working and the work is easy, then I need a TV show going in the background, or I need an audiobook playing, or I need something else happening around me. That isn't gonna distract me, but that's gonna fill up that other gap. And so I think sometimes people think, oh God, I'm alone. So now all of a sudden, like, what do I have to do? But, you know, like you said, there's journaling, right? Even if you're walking, you could be exploring your feelings and your thoughts as you're walking through the woods or down the beach or whatever. You can be, you know, contemplative in those moments, right? So I think it's just learning a different way because a lot of us have taught that, you know, we don't do enough. And so if we're not constantly doing, then we're failing. Yes.

And I love that you mentioned that because people have a tendency to feel like they have to be working so hard to be successful and to make money. And I have friends who work a lot that are very busy. They love what they do, but there are times that like, I'm just kind of like, oh, I got my nails done today. You know, and I, or I, you know, I did this and I have a lot of pockets of time sometimes. And I have to coach myself through some of those moments because there might be times where I'm like, oh, like, I really didn't, I didn't do that much today. And they're like really, really busy. And they might think like, maybe I'm really not. I feel like maybe, you know, maybe there's not as much value in me because I'm not so busy. And then I have to take that step back and witness myself in that. And so through some of my coaching programs, we really focus on taking that step back and witnessing our thoughts and not letting them become us. But we get to a point that we, we, through self-awareness, that we can witness the thought, and then we can say, well, this is why I had that thought, because when I was a kid, or because of this or that. And so I have to, I have to still even coach myself through those moments that I get to, it gets to be that great. that I do get to take care of myself whenever. And I still have a meeting or 2 throughout the day, right? And there's yesterday, I was from 8:00 AM to, I don't think I got home until 10:00 PM, busy. Okay? And then there's days where like I might have 2 or 3 meetings and there might be days where I don't have any. And, you know, there are days like that where I'm like, it's like a Tuesday, I should be working like so hard right now. And then I have to check myself because the reality of it is, is you don't, You don't have to work yourself to the bone to be successful. And society does tell us that. And if we're neurodivergent, sometimes our brain tells us that, especially because it's like, let's do something. Because I am complex ADHD and I am like a tornado sometimes. But I've really learned that there's just so much to be said in that, and that you really do get to take that step back.

Yeah.

And it's good for you. And you're not a loser because you're not Super busy that day, but you know there's just there is so much in there. So you know I guess people are listening is you know keep in mind that yeah hard hard hard work pays off is what they say, but also like you do get to take care of yourself and work and enjoy life, and it doesn't mean anything if you're not working. 12 hours a day like someone else is. You still are just as valuable, if maybe if not even more so. I don't know. I don't know what work you do, but that is something that I wish everybody understood.

Yeah, you know, and I think that one of the things that if, especially if somebody has worked corporately and then they own their own business and they think, oh, I used to work 8 to 6 or whatever the case may be, and then you go, okay, but hold on a second. When you were working those hours, How many times did you walk by your neighbor's desk and stand and chat? How many times did you go to the bathroom? How many times did you walk by somebody's desk and chat or pick up the phone to chat with your neighbor? Like, there's times when you're not working. Oh my God. Yeah. Well, of course, there wasn't a lot of cell phones around when I was doing corporate stuff.

But yeah, you know, but that's true.

I mean, there was some, but, you know, like the, but the times that you took away, like you'd think that, oh, you were productive from 8 to 6, but you weren't. And the other side to it is, is that I know that I, I know that as me as a human being, the way my brain works, I need to schedule my day in a certain way so that I'm giving my best at all times. And one of those things is I don't work Fridays. I mean, I don't work publicly on Fridays. I don't take meetings and, you know, like there's those kinds of things that don't happen on Fridays.

I still work.

I work on the things that I want to work on.

Yeah, what you want to do.

I work on the things that are for my business rather than working in other people's businesses. I'm doing the things that are taking me down the rabbit holes that give me that brain floss that make me and feel good. Like, those are the things that I like to do on Fridays. And yeah, that's when I also schedule time to go do the things I have to do to, you know, look after my body with my massage and chiro, physio, like all those kinds of things. I look after myself because I know that this body is important to look after because it is my vessel that's going to take me through the rest of my life. And when my body's in good condition, I'm in good condition. When I'm in a lot of pain, my brain does not work as well.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually have like a very routine day. You know, it's like the kids get up, we eat, they get on the bus, I go to the gym, and I am at the gym pretty much every day, every day by like 9. And like in my real estate world, everyone knows, my lenders, title companies I work with all the time, they know. They're like, she'll answer the phone, but if you need something, From her on the computer, you have to wait until 11 o'clock. Yes. So I am kind of like, like, if you don't work on Fridays, I generally don't start my day until 11. And my peak hours really are like 2 to 4. And that's where I'm like, I've eaten, I've showered. I'm a like midday shower because I have to go to the gym. And then I come home and I do a little bit of work. And then I'll say, and a lot of people are like, it's the middle of the day. And I'm like, it's when I can fit it in. I have 4 kids.

Yes.

I can't do it later, you know? And so, You know, I have this routine, and when you learn yourself so well that you can create that routine, and then you notice like, oh wow, I like this. Or if maybe you're like, something's not working. So I used to have my peak time from like 11 to 1, and I just couldn't, I just couldn't do it. Like, there was something that just, I was missing the mark. And I, you know, and so I flipped the script and I was like, okay, well, I need to make this day, what's gonna feel better? Well, because when I get home from the gym now, I've pivoted and it's at 2 o'clock because I can eat and take care of all these other things. And then I can shut my brain off into work. Yes. Right. And is it a little, you know, taboo hour? Sure. But when we create the life that we desire, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if my peak hours are at 2:00 AM, I'm still getting my work done. Exactly.

And it doesn't matter if your peak hours are between 11 and 1, And 9 and 10, right? Like, if you have to split your hours, like, go for it. I mean, we, we need to figure out what works for us. And, and with the ages and stages of where we are, lots of people my age are looking after aged parents. Their kids are grown, but now they're looking after aged parents, which is, you know, there's those things to encompass as well.

Absolutely. Yeah, I take care of my grandma as well.

So, yeah, you know, so like, you got to find a way to choose yourself, right? To put yourself first so you can fill your cup. I mean, it's like that whole thing, right? Put your oxygen mask on first, right?

I preach that, and I know it sounds so like, I don't know, cliché, but it's so, so, so true. Like, if you're on a plane and you don't have oxygen, you have to do that literally. Like, you have no choice because you can't breathe. And honestly, I feel like if we could all take the time to flip the script and look at our lives and our well-being and our mental health in that way, and then we're like, oh. So if I take care of myself, I'm gonna have more capacity, I'm gonna have more energy, I'm gonna be happier.

Yes.

So now I arrive as a happier— my kids get a happier mom now. My teams that I coach get a more involved coach because I'm taking care of my needs as well. And I'm just so freaking happy to be there. I love everything that I do. And that is also one thing of choosing yourself is do what you love. If you don't love your job, there's nothing wrong with changing. Choosing yourself. And then when you love what you do, you're showing up even better. And, you know, and like you said, I— people call me Superwoman a lot, and I'm like, well, I'm still waiting for that cape to come in the mail, you know. And I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't be running late or just getting there right in the nick of time if I had that cake. And, you know, and I, and I always laugh about it. And I, they're like, I don't know how you do it. And I tell them it's because I do the things that I love. I move through life through enjoyment and what excites me. And when you do it that way, and I'm choosing myself. Yeah, I'm working for people, I'm coaching and bringing my kids everywhere. But when you're moving through and doing things that you really enjoy, like your work, It's not work, you know?

Yes.

That's different.

And it—

and you're happy to be doing it. And, and I love doing everything. And even like coaching my cheerleaders, like I said, like I show up more involved. Literally, they have a good game, they're cheering, and I let them do their tumbling passes and they're like, do it, do it. And so then I go through and I'm doing like a one-handed cartwheel or something, who knows, like off the wall. I'll get up and do jumps with them, whatever it is. But I take care of myself and I have the energy to do it. Because I'm choosing myself first.

Yes.

And then I'm giving to everyone else. And I'm so much— it took me a long time. And so that's why I'm here telling all of, you know, your friends, like, this is what you have to do. Trust me. Trust me. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. And in the side that I originally came from, I was tired. I was sad. My mental health was not what it needed to be.

I guarantee you, if you live on that side, You'll be like I was, burnt out. I was so burnt out, I couldn't even get off the couch for 5 days. All I could do was get my kids ready for school and pick them up after school but I couldn't get off the couch. You don't want that, right? If you don't make time for yourself, then guess what? Something's gonna make time for you and it's gonna be sickness. It's gonna be mental illness. I mean, it'll take you down.

So, you're right.

I mean, there's no bones about it. You have to look after yourself. You have to choose yourself because otherwise, Somebody else is gonna choose for you, and you're not gonna like it.

And you're not gonna like it. And you can't be upset with the outcome because you didn't put the energy into making the shift.

Well, you could be upset about it, but then make a change, right?

But you would have to be upset more at yourself than you are to— but, you know, and yeah, so like being upset about it could be the fuel that you need to make the change.

Yeah. The catalyst to say, oh, wait a second, I'm not gonna take it anymore. Yep.

And there, there, that is, that is something to be said about me. I generally do what I want to do, and in there, but I did it for the longest time. I was the oldest child. I was the oldest grandchild. I took care of everybody. I talked for my brother, and not just for a couple of days, for a couple of years. Like, distinctly remember being at Dairy Queen and getting in trouble because my mom asked him what ice cream he wanted. And I said he wants swirl with eyes. And she said, well, I didn't ask you, I asked him. And I said, I know. And I answered for him because that's what he wants. And I, I'm sure I got in trouble, but I distinctly remember my mom being like, no, but it's because I always looked after him. I knew what he wanted because we're only 3 years difference. But like, I was still already like taking care of him as a kid. Right. And so as I got older and like my, my next brother, my third, my third, my second brother, he was born when I was 10. And so then it was like a whole different level. I was helping. I was actually helping take care of him. So I've been taking care of people my whole life. So by the time my oldest son, you know, he was 9, that's when I had that— I had that break where I was like, whoa, something has to shift because I've gone through it. And then it was like, as an adult, like, I'm only 29 and I'm just like, not— something's not right. And I did so much self-growth. And I'm telling you, when you choose yourself. Babe, it gets to be so much better. Like you said, you know, there can be guilt. And I, and I, and I, and I really aim towards women a lot because I do feel that we tend to be the caretakers. We tend to not take care of ourselves because we're nurturing. And that's a wonderful, great thing, but we need to be nurtured as well. And so I do tend to kind of aim towards women. I do tend to work most more with women because we do tend to kind of be the ones who take on that load. But it's okay to ask for help and it's okay to delegate things. Like, I don't have time to clean my house in my busy season, so I hire someone. That's okay. But I've had people tell me, well, no, it's not like— because they feel as if they have to be the ones to do it.

Right.

And that's gonna, you know, it's, well, I can't tell my friends that I use it. Yes, you can. You can because it's what we need. And so, you know, as I tell people, hire the cleaner. You know, you know, like if your car is a mess, I have 4 kids, my car's a mess all the time. Guess what's gonna happen in the spring? I'm not gonna clean it. I'm gonna go get it detailed and I'm gonna delegate that job to someone else because I don't, I don't like doing it. Not that I don't have time, but like, I really don't like doing it. And so I'm gonna delegate that job to somebody else so that way I at least have a tidy car, right?

Right.

It's just little things from cleaning the house or doing that and even to like bigger things, you know? And if it's at work, maybe you need to delegate a task or a project to somebody else. With my work, as, as in my real estate side more heavily, I don't really love Paperwork, like the filing, the keeping track of everything. I love working with my clients. I can put together an amazing offer. I can win. I've gotten people $100,000 over what they were offered from a corporation to buy their land, and I've gotten people $200,000 off of land. Okay, I love what I do and I'm good at it, but the backside, I'm not. And it is part of the job, but guess what? I delegate it to somebody who loves to do that and hates to work with the people.

Exactly.

There is a perfect balance. I don't out there. You just have to find those people and they're out there and they, they wanna do that. So I delegate the paperwork to my assistant and that does stretch through other parts of my life as well. And in my coaching company, she kind of is like, she's the gatekeeper, she's on the backside. I'm out here working with the people, I'll get on the stages, I'll do all of that. But she's making sure that the wheels are greased. But I've delegated that because I know that if I have to take all of that on, I'm not gonna have the capacity for everything and it's, and it's gonna stress me out. I'm not gonna show up As vibrant.

Exactly. Yes, it's all about knowing what we're best at, right? Celebrating that, really. Oh, just like going all in on what we're really good at. And the delegation is beautiful. I just, I love delegation. It's one of my favorite things.

And we get to do it. It's totally okay. Yeah, I'll give you permission. Yeah.

So tell everybody where they can find you. How can they connect with you in another way?

Absolutely. So I am very active on social, so you can find me On social. So The Kylie Marie on Facebook and on Instagram. And if you find me on my personal page, follow me. I, I don't know that you can add me as a friend, but you're welcome to follow me because I do share a lot on my personal page too. And then I also have a website, thekylemarie.com. But if you jump into my socials, you'll get more of this, like more intimate, more personal connection. And I do drop a lot of kind of like freebies on my like Instagram. And my Facebook. So sometimes I'll throw something out for the day or I'll do a little discount or something like that. And you can also find me on LinkedIn. And I'm just trying to be more, I'm trying to be more active on that one. Those would be the best places.

Awesome. Okay. Well, we'll make sure that all of those links are down in the show notes as well. And it's been super awesome speaking to you today. I appreciate you being here.

Thank you so much for having me. It's just been so great chatting with you. We bond so well.

It's been an awesome conversation. And thank you for being part of the podcast. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Thank you for being here and for listening to everything that Kylie and I had to say, because like we had a lot of things to cover. So thank you so much. Please come again and we'll see you next week. Have a great day. Bye for now. Thank you so much for listening to the Overgivers Anonymous podcast. Your support means the world to me.

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