Why Work-Life Balance is a Myth (Try This Instead)

Welcome to the Overgivers Anonymous podcast. My name is Angela Mondor, also known as the Geeky Girl. In this podcast, we're going to be talking about some amazing things to help you get over overgiving. Hi and welcome to this episode of the Overgivers Anonymous podcast. My name is Angela Mondor. I'm also known as the Geeky Girl. Today I want to talk to you about something. There's a bit of an interesting word here. I want to talk to you about work-life balance. A lot of times we think of balance and we think of like the 2 sides of the scale actually being 50/50. And so that's why I think Balance might be the wrong word. So we're kind of going to talk about flow a little bit, but we will talk about the elephant in the room, which is the work-life balance. So have you ever felt like you're juggling like a whole bunch of things and then maybe a couple of balls fall or maybe they all fall? I mean, you're not alone. This is something that happens to all of us throughout our journey, not just as entrepreneurs, but as people too, as parents, as children of aging parents, right? There's so many different ways that we can drop the balls in our lives. So when we think about this elusive balance, I really like to think about the concept of a flow between your work and your life. There are many facets to life as well as there are many facets to business as well. And thinking about them as just 2 things is just not enough for me personally. I don't know if it's just my neurodivergent brain or not, but it's just not complex enough to think about. It's more about trying to manage everything so that they're all comfortable with each other. And I We don't think about, you know, I'm trying to think of what the best analogy is for this, and there really isn't one. Like, you know, if you were thinking about putting a whole bunch of things on a, this will date me, a waterbed and trying to walk across it, everything's gonna slope to the middle, right? That's kind of how life feels though. You've got a whole bunch of pieces, maybe even a trampoline. You've got a bunch of pieces all over it, and as you walk, they all just kind of come towards you. That's sort of what happens right now. But there are ways to find more flow, and maybe we're thinking about these things On a surface of water where they each are their own floating element. And as we walk through the water, maybe they do this a little bit, but they still kind of— they're there and they're not all just cramming in together to each other. So let's talk about this flow. Think about, you know, how this impacts your life. I know for me particularly, there used to be a lot of guilt monsters in my life. I talk about us not shoulding on ourselves very often, but The guilt monsters are an entirely different breed, and maybe you don't see them as monsters, but I do. I remember working really, really hard in my business, and my kids were much younger then, and thinking, I should, I should be with my kids. And then I was with my kids, and I was like, I should be doing work. And these shoulds became those guilt monsters. I was never fully present in any, any situation, and I was constantly being pulled in 900 different directions. Trust me, it wasn't good for my brain. It wasn't good for my mental health. It wasn't good for my physical health, and it certainly wasn't good for any kind of sleep pattern I ever wanted to have. So it was about finding this flow, about finding a way through that I could find some comfort in all the things. Things don't get easier. You know, even as kids get older, the challenges are still there. There's still things we need to show up for or things that we need to be present for in our families. As we age, our parents age, and sometimes That also means that there's some caregiver responsibilities on that side, whether it's your parents or maybe you have an aunt or an uncle, or there's somebody else in your family who you're, who's relying on you for their assistance. Friends, right? We have friends, we've got family, we've got, there are so many responsibilities. So not to be overwhelming, but to let you know that, you know, I'm there with you. This doesn't get easier. However, we can find a way to flow easier with all of these responsibilities. Okay, I will be giving you a link to a wellness quiz that'll help you to figure out your particular balance, maybe learn a little bit more about your personality. Because at the end of the day, the way that I handle my stress slash the way I handle all of the balls I'm juggling is going to be way different for you than it is for me, or similar but maybe different. We don't all do things the same way. Okay, so let's be real. We're already wearing too many hats. Balance feels like a myth. It doesn't feel like it's even possible for it to be a reality. But I know that if you take this quiz, it's only a couple minutes, a few questions, and then you'll get some insight into who you are and how you think, and maybe some ideas on how you can find some balance slash better flow with everything and all the cards that you have to shuffle. All right. So this, this information that I want to provide for you, it just helps you to identify your strengths and helps you with different ways that you can improve using your strengths. We always want to focus on what our strengths are. What are we best at? Okay. Thinking about this flow process, one of the biggest pieces for me was literally being present. I know you've heard it. Be present in the moment, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. I felt the same way, but it's true. Nowadays, when I'm working, I've put the timeframe around what that is for me, and I'm focused on the work. I'm focused on working. And then when I've put timeframes around other things that are not work, whether it's with my dogs, my family, my— obviously husband and kids are part of the family, my friends, whatever the case may be, it's about being present in those moments as well. When I do that, the guilt monsters don't have the power over me anymore. I'm no longer going, oh, I should be doing that, I should be doing this, I should be doing this. It is only when I allow myself to slip in those moments that those shoulds and the monsters come back. So when I start to feel those guilt monsters closing in on me, I start to think, where am I not being present? How can I be more present in the way that I am currently working through and with everything that's on my plate? And it allows me to really identify what is working for me and what isn't working for me. Okay, now because I'm paying attention to my strengths, like this quiz will do for you, it'll give you some strengths to rely on. Because I'm relying on those strengths, I can then pivot or change or adjust what's going on so that I am better able to stay present. So for example, if I'm working and I know that I'm not focused. I— there's nothing. I just can't get things done. I'm unable to spend time, whatever it is. I am just so unable to get the work done. I know that my strength is the ability to get up and go do something else with the knowledge that I am now trading for something else. I'm going to go do something else. Remember, when we change tasks, it takes time on both sides. Okay? So Multitasking isn't a thing unless somebody proves me otherwise. I see the scientific facts and I live it all the time. I can't imagine. I just I can't see it working. But if I'm working and I can't focus and I just can't get into the work I need to do, that's my brain telling me that it's time for me to change things up. It's my body slash brain saying, you know what? This isn't the right task for you right now. Now there's sometimes when we have to. push through, we have to just get her done. I always look at that and say, is there a way that I can just do it later? Now, I typically don't like to work evenings and weekends, but if I'm having a particularly bad week, there's a chance I might have to work some evenings or some weekends because I had to take time off during the week to do something else because my brain just wasn't working the way it needed to, to get that particular piece of the job done. I also learned When I'm best at doing what. Okay, so taking client calls, for example, I'm best at doing that earlier in the day rather than later in the day. Writing content for blogs or social medias or writing things that require attention to those kinds of details, that's better done earlier in the day. When I'm working on the fiction book that I'm currently writing, which I've had to sideline a little bit, which is totally cool, it just doesn't fit right now. But those things, because I'm in a different state of mind writing that, I can write those in the evening and I can write those on weekends. So knowing yourself this well, really getting to know what are those pieces of me that work here or there or there, that's what's helpful. I have honestly had days where I've had to go and have a second shower, not because I happened to get filthy in the middle of the day, but simply because I needed that reset. I needed to go through The process of going through the shower. There is something that works for me in terms of water. I am able to refocus and be more present again having a shower. So you know people will say, "Oh, you're not supposed to shower every day because of blah blah blah." I need to shower every day for my mental health. Back off. These are boundaries you need to set for yourself. Understand what works for you so that you can then change it. I know if I am eating a snack or whatever and I'm like really crunching, crunching, crunching, that means I'm stressed and I need to think, okay. What's going on right now and how can I adjust my environment? Sometimes we can't. We have to live in the environment we're in, but we can adjust little things and maybe help us a little bit. So, you know, are you being distracted by certain things? Well, what are those things and how are you being distracted? If you really need to get this thing done, but you're being distracted by this thing, how do you mitigate that? How do you move that distraction away from you? That could be as easy as closing a window. In your, on your browser. It could be as difficult as saying, you know what, I need to go sit in a dark room somewhere where I only have this one window open so I can't see or hear any of the other things that are going on in the world. There are lots of different ways for you to change up how you're working. Okay. And so taking the quiz will just give you some insights about who you are and how you like to work. But I really encourage you to focus on understanding yourself and learning what are the things that work well for you, because they will be different. It was 2019, 2020, something like that when I decided that social media was becoming very toxic for me with all of, there was a bunch of negativity and my newsfeed was full of stuff and it was a lot of like doom scrolling stuff. And that's when I decided, you know what, instead of being on social media, every time I would normally pick up my phone, I'm going to pick up my book. I've read hundreds of books now and it's simply because I replaced that social media with this. Does that mean I'm never on social media anymore? No, I'm clearly on social media, but I don't spend as much time on social media as I used to. The book definitely has helped me with that. I also found that reading is similar to music for me in terms of the way that it, in the way that it stimulates my brain. So if I'm in a bad mood, for example, I know that there's certain playlists in my Spotify account that will allow me to move through the energy to get out of that bad place. And it's much faster than the books. The books take time because of course it takes time to read. The music is much quicker for me. The being connected to the music, the flow of the music, that is, it really is my heartbeat. It really is very connected to who I am. And so flowing through music can be helpful. If I'm on a low energy day and I really need to get some stuff done, then there's a, there's playlists depending on where I'm at. There are playlists that I can put on that will bring up my energy level to be able to push through and do some other things. So find what works for you and then try them out. And then when they work for a little while and don't for another little while, that's okay. It's cool. It happens to us too, because I will go through like reading and I'll read a specific kind of book for a while and then I'll go, oh, I'm done with that. I need a totally different genre, completely different from what I was just reading, and pick something else. That's okay. But find what works for you and tweak it as you go, and then allow yourself to Live outside the box that other people are trying to put you in. If you need to take a break during the day, take the break. If that means that you have to work between 9 and 10 o'clock that night, if that works for you, then do it. Don't be— don't allow other people to shit on you. Don't allow other people to tell you what your business should look like. I once had somebody tell me that I didn't own a real business because I didn't have an office outside my house. Like, okay, not. Other people's opinions, other people's values are exactly that, other people's. So do what works for you because at the end of the day, you're the one that needs to be empowered. You're the one that needs to feel great about what you do. And when you're in a great place, you're going to be in a better place to be able to support all your clients and to be able to make a difference on this planet. I hope you have a fantastic day. I look forward to talking to you next week. Have a great one. Thank you so much for listening to the Overgivers Anonymous podcast. Your support means the world to me. You can find show notes for this episode and other goodies at overgiversanonymous.ca. And if you enjoyed this episode or you enjoy the podcast in general, why not join us in the Overgivers Anonymous Facebook group where you can connect with overgivers from all over the world? Head on over to geekygirl.ca/group.