Another strategy is not going to stop your teen from acting out

Oftentimes we want the thing over here. We want this specific experience over here, right? And so we think it's action-based. We think we have to do certain things in order to get that thing, right? What's underneath the doing is always the being. So if we want something over here, as James Clear says in Atomic Habits, behavior change is identity change. We want a different experience. And this is what all the research points to. We have to believe different things about ourselves. And when we believe different things about ourselves, we set different boundaries. We say yes to different things. We say no to different things. We start functioning in a way that we filter through what we will allow and what we won't allow. We start to decide what kind of actions we're going to take because that's the kind of person I am.