535. Relocation Diaries: 3 Years Later

Almost 3 years ago, I moved with my family to Barcelona, and when I moved, I started something called Relocation Diaries, which was a very personal podcast about the experience of moving to a different country. I shared all the things about finding an apartment and dealing with the bureaucracy and learning Spanish and the struggles that I had and my family had. 5 months after, Christina, who is the content director on my team and a friend, moved to Spain as well. And we both experienced the same things at the same time. And today, 2 years after I had stopped recording the Relocation Diaries that a lot of you loved so much, we wanted to bring it back in this conversation about relocation because we both had Similar but very different experiences, and we decided to just talk about it. So, hi, Christina, how are you doing?

Hello, I'm great. How are you?

Good. It's so good to see you.

So good to see you too. I'm so happy to be here talking about relocating and language learning. I think we could talk about it forever.

Forever. We usually do, but the cameras are not on. So now, now they are. We have 3 cameras, so it's really cool. We're in this, like, nice podcast studio in Barcelona. All right, Christina, before we get started, I want you to introduce yourself, but do it as if you are so extremely excited and proud of everything that you have achieved.

I am, I'm extremely excited of who I am, where I am. I think before I moved, I was a completely different version of me. The past going on 3 years of moving completely changed my life. turned it upside down, shook it around in the best way possible.

Yeah.

So yeah.

Do you recommend it?

I would, I would recommend it.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, I just, for a little background, um, I had been working with you already for I think 3 years at that point, and I had always been working in a different time zone, and I had all— I had lived in different countries. I had lived in Germany, I had lived in Japan, and I always knew I wanted to leave the US. I'm originally from the US, and I just wanted something different. And you had moved to Spain recently before, and before that I had found that there was a visa that would allow me to move with my job so I could be closer to everybody and work in the same time zone and also have the opportunity to live and work in a different country.

And what is your job?

My job is the content Marketing director, one could say, at Hadar Shemesh International.

Plus a lot more. Like I'll list all the other things before after you've been like that's the official title.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's been yeah going on well five years now. I started as a pronunciation teacher in your programs, and then I moved from that to doing social media, and it's just kind of kept expanding and.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So Christina is the one person that when she had entered, like I knew that she would be the one who, probably the only one who could take on some of the things that I was doing around content and social media and coming up with ideas and monitoring the quality of the educational content that we share in the program. Um, when was that? Like 5, 6 years ago, right?

Yeah.

And, uh, and she writes copy and she manages our production and she, um, helps me with pretty much everything that I need when it comes to organizing and, and, and marketing and the content. And like, you're just so diverse in what you do and capable and, and, and resourceful. So I love, I love working with you and I love the fact that you now live in Spain. So for context, Christina lives in Bar— in Valencia.

Yes.

And I live in Barcelona.

So we're only 3 hours away. She's trying to move to Barcelona.

I'm trying, I'm trying. It hasn't worked.

Yeah.

Uh, all your friends watching this right now are like, no, don't take her away. Anyway, so, so yeah, we, we got to work together, which was really nice after having worked together remotely only.

Yeah.

For so many years, like being able to meet and do like these marathons of content creation or filming or anything. So, yeah, but yeah, so tell me about the biggest surprise that you've experienced having moved to Spain from the US, about yourself, about culture, about anything.

Well, I think if we talk about the cultural shocks, there are many, and I think that it's Definitely, like, the pace of life is just slower in Spain. I think you felt that too. What does that look like? Yeah, um, I think just longer days, first of all. So businesses open up a little bit later here. It's hard to find something open before 9 or even 10 AM. It surprised me that a lot of places close, even restaurants, like closing from 3 or 4 and not opening again until 7 or usually 8.

Yeah.

That was definitely a big shock to adjust my daily life. Like, okay, I have to organize my schedule around these, these businesses.

And your stomach. Like if you were used to having dinner at 5.

Yeah.

I just got back from the US and dinner starts at 5.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a little too early. That's my lunch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's crazy. I mean, I, I really never thought I would be the person ever, like I used to go to bed at 9:30 and I never thought I would be the person that eats dinner at 10, 10:30, 11 sometimes. Really? Like I've, I've completely adjusted.

Yeah.

Yeah. What are some shocks for you that are still—

I think that part as well. Like for me, I was, I, I might've mentioned it at some point, like people not being frustrated by standing in line. Like I would stand in line.

Mm-hmm.

To get something. I remember being in a pastry shop with my daughter and there were like 6 people ahead of me. And the guy was like taking his sweet time and like talking to the old lady.

Yeah.

And I was like getting so aggravated and like I'm on my phone and, and everyone else was just like, okay, just waiting. No one was angry. And I was like, maybe I'm the problem.

That happened to me actually the first, I think the first month I moved, I noticed that and I stopped noticing that. So I guess I adjusted, but it's like, is no one else like, No one else has to get back home. No one else has other things to do. It's just really—

Wasted time. It's like, no, this is just life. Now is life.

Yeah.

Right? And we, like, I used to think that life is like when you have these pockets of time where you do the things that you love. No, life is hanging out in the, you know, at the cafe with friends and talking. And I felt like there was something very, so much like ease ease to it.

Yeah.

Um, and that has definitely calmed me down. Like, my life is not calm. Like, I'm, I'm the type of person who likes to bring a lot of action, and if, if it gets too quiet, like, I plan a trip or I like, let's create a new—

Yeah.

Project. And, uh, but I feel like it has definitely given me some, a lot more balance. Um, but I have to say, and this is a question that I have for you, I feel like with that, I definitely struggle with living in a place where I don't speak the language.

Yeah.

Well enough to feel like this is me, this is mine. And it's been 3 years and it's kind of like, it's very humbling cuz I'm like, I'm the language coach, right? I know I teach people how to learn a language, how to practice. And the first year or two, yeah, I've had a lot of excuses because it has been super intense. But I feel like I feel the gap, and I know a lot of my students and a lot of the people following my content for English, they feel that as well. It's like where I am right now and where I think I should be, right? Like the— like I should have been at a much better place right now in terms of my Spanish, not to mention Catalan. And I constantly need to navigate these, these thoughts and to remind myself that I'm always doing my best because it, it prevents me from taking more action. So I'm curious to hear, because you came here with a little bit of Spanish already, quite, you know, yeah, nice, nice.

I, I thought, I thought I could communicate.

Yeah, you thought? Okay, tell me more, because for me, how you speak is kind of like, that's the dream, right? And for you—

Because, you know, yeah. I mean, one of the reasons I chose to move to Spain was because I had already spoke— had a pretty— a base of Spanish. But I am from Florida, and in Florida and in most places in the US, you will never learn Spain Spanish because they will— every teacher will tell you, you don't need it. You don't need to learn all these things that are really only used in Spain because we're in the US and the majority of people speak a different version of Spanish. So I never learned that. And so coming here was really like, okay, I thought I could get by. I wasn't super fluent, but it was okay. And then I felt like, okay, I have to start over.

Hmm.

And I had like a breaking point, I would say, which was when I had already been in Spain for about 6 months and a girl invited me. She was a Colombian girl in Valencia and she invited me to her Christmas party. And at the whole party, they— I was the only non-native speaker. And I had— Just good, like, uh, good for you. Yeah, like, I got the information, you know? And I had already spoken with her one-on-one a couple of times, and I felt okay. But then she invited me to her party, and I just could not communicate. You know, people were trying. Everybody was super nice to me.

Oh, I didn't— I don't remember that.

Yeah, it was like I I went there and I don't know what it was, if I was tired or if I just got into my head too much, that people were trying to talk to me, they were trying to connect to me, they were really lovely, but then I just, I just couldn't talk, I couldn't joke, I felt like me at 10%. And I left that, and I know a lot of our students or people watching this have had a really similar experience.

Yeah.

That was the first time I left that party and I was almost in tears, not because I, I felt bad for myself, but I felt angry. And I'm like, how dare you get to this point where you've already been living in this country for 6 months, you've already studied Spanish for years, and you can't even, um, you know, you, you can't even, uh, speak and have a basic conversation.

Yeah.

Like, how could this be? And I was really acting like a victim. I was so upset. And that day I really said, okay, this will not happen again. This cannot happen again. And that was really my point. And I took it seriously. I started to take more classes. I started to meet a lot of people, started dating in Spanish. That's the hack.

That's really good. You should start.

I mean, just if you didn't have these limitations.

Being married.

Yeah. And smoking some pot.

We should have like friend dating, right? Yeah.

I think that's just a friend.

Yeah.

He's just a friend. Yep.

Uh, what would Coach Christina say to Victim Christina? 'Cause you are a coach, you're a fluency coach as well. You've been, you know, like deep in the content that we are creating. So what would you say to yourself after having walked out of that party?

Yeah.

Feeling horrible.

What's the phrase? Like, well, what is it? Like, put your big girl panties on, or like?

I did not expect that.

Well, it's like, but it's like, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

There's another one. I couldn't think of it. That's what you get. Anyway, I would have really said like, get over yourself. Come on.

Yeah.

Get over it. You are living in Spain. You have all the access. in the world to learn this language. Just start taking it more seriously.

You know, I love that. It's because this is what I say to myself. I'm like, oh, you know, like when it's hard and all the different irregular verbs. And I'm like, okay, but you know that if you were to put in the time and the effort, you would've gotten the results that you want. That's it. Like there's no one to complain to but to yourself. And I'm a big girl, so I've made the decision not to do it because I was doing other things that I prioritize. And if I wanna prioritize language and fluency, yeah, and confidence, then I need to do other things. It's not because I can't get it or I'm too, like, it's, it's just stories that I tell myself. So that is the first thing. But also, you know, you were, if I could jump in as your coach, uh, to say, yeah, like grow up, all of that. But also, you know, you've only been there for 6 months. It takes time to adjust, to adapt the energy that you put out just to exist and to meet new people and everything. Like, it makes sense that language takes the backseat and, and operating from anger or frustration or kind of like shame.

Yeah.

Which is, I often play with that, like the feeling of shame.

Yeah.

Of not speaking the language the way I should. Um, but that, these are just patterns and messages that we receive and it's kind of like, okay, but, but that's not helpful.

It's not gonna get you where you want to be.

No. Because shame or frustration, they just make you stay stuck because it's, it's just what it is. You feel that and then you freeze and then you procrastinate and then you don't wanna deal with it. And then you end up not doing the thing that will actually get you the results to not feel the, the way you feel right now. It's such a, You know, like clear loop, and yet we're all stuck in it.

And I think one thing that also changed for me was to not practice in the way that I was told to practice because I'm not a conventional person.

Right.

I know you're not either. Yeah. I don't do things by the book. And so for me, like the traditional learning wasn't working. So it's like, okay, find a way to be creative. Find a way to do different things that are going to help you. Yeah. Even if it's going to a workout class in Spanish. Oh yeah. Okay. You're gonna start to learn a whole new realm of vocabulary that you wouldn't have learned. And just putting yourself in different kinds of situations where it's enjoyable for you to learn the language and it doesn't feel like so much work, and you reduce the friction between, um, between learning the language and living in the language if you live in the country.

Yeah, yeah, that is such a, such a good point. I want to talk about it because I felt the same, and there was guilt around it as well because I was like I have taken classes. I went to a school. Yeah. I've had like 4 or 5 different teachers and they're all great, but I, my brain works in a very specific way. Also, I have a lot of knowledge and experience teaching a language and, and when it wasn't aligned, I wasn't, I didn't have the patience to kind of like coach someone on how to work with me, which is, you know, could have worked.

Yeah.

But I was just like, I just wanted to get results. And then I was like, okay, I'm just gonna do it myself. But I need accountability. So the fact that I didn't have that, I didn't do the thing. Um, but to recognize that if something doesn't work for you, that's not necessarily your fault. I remember working with a teacher, I think I told you that she was great, very, very nice, but she would correct me on every single thing.

Yeah.

Or give me 3 different options for every word that I was searching for instead of like, let me just finish my thought. And give me the word that I need so I can finish my thought. Because right now I'm in— my brain is trying to produce language, right? Like, to, to just speak. I'm not necessarily now trying to learn all the different vocabulary that exist for, for this particular thing. And I think this is a common thing that teachers do. They really want to give you a lot of options, and some students like that. I personally don't like to teach this way because I don't think it's Effective as a student. It's not effective. But I remember walking out frustrated, A, because, you know, at some point I communicated it and, and that has changed a little bit. But I think it's really hard when you put all the responsibility onto the teacher.

Yeah.

Or the school. And if it doesn't work, then you say, oh, I just don't. know how to learn, or I'm not talented. And, and, and what you're saying basically is—

Everyone has a responsibility to say, okay, if it's hard for me to memorize stuff, then maybe I shouldn't be memorizing word lists. If it's hard for me, you know, just to say, okay, if there's so much friction, if this is so hard, maybe I need to find another way. Maybe I just need to see, okay, what can I— what can I do differently? What is within my power?

Yeah. And what do I enjoy?

Yeah, right.

What gets me excited? What do I not want to Yeah, and it starts to—

because we know, like, when you have— when you enjoy something, the connection is so much better in your brain. Like, okay, I start to enjoy this because I have a positive connection. It doesn't feel like a chore. It doesn't feel so hard.

Yeah.

And where are you at with your Spanish now? Because I know we have a lot of people who watched the Relocation Diaries.

Yeah.

All that time ago. So checking in today, where are you at?

Do we have to? No. Well, so I'll tell you, um, my comprehension has improved immensely.

Yeah, so that has been a big, big shift for me.

But that's passive, right? That's simply because I'm listening and I'm like hearing things and, and things clicked, right? Like things that I'm— so that is easier and I'm a lot more capable of speaking. I speak incorrectly Like, I, uh, like the, the tenses and the, um, I feel like— I'll tell you what I feel like is blocking me. I need a big chunk of time, and I think it's also mentally blocking me from moving forward to take, like, to really get the tenses right. Because in my head, I'm aware of the, of all the different tenses, or at least the key tenses, like past, present, future.

Mm-hmm.

You know, like, And, um, and to take all the irregular verbs, 'cause there are many, and really drill it down.

Mm-hmm.

So that there's no questioning around it. So what happens in my brain is that I know that something is a little different here. It's not like the usual pattern. My brain is like not recalling it immediately, right? So it's not a habit just yet. This is what we talk about when we do the intentional repetitions.

Yeah.

And the sprints and everything. And that, Time is defeating. Like the moment my brain starts searching. So a lot of people think of it as translating. I don't think of it as translating. I think it's like I'm just searching for the memory.

Yeah.

Of how to say that particular, uh, verb in that tense, in that, with that pronoun. Right. And then I'm, I'm lost. Like, I'm like, oh, okay. Like it's too long. So I feel like once I get that outta the way, which between us is just like drills, right? Like doing drills and practicing it.

Oh God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, then I, I feel like that would be my next jump. But yeah, where are you at?

Um, I'm at a place where I'm comfortable.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm very comfortable. I still find myself in certain situations, like if I go to the doctor, I look beforehand, like I, I will look up some common vocabulary beforehand. Or if I go get my hair cut, you know, I'm like, okay, how do I ask for that. So if I have a bad haircut, I can blame it on my—

yeah, exactly. How do I say highlights and not extensions?

Um, so I do that, like I refresh my vocabulary. And there are things that I do get frustrated at, like, ah, why can I still not remember how to say that? It's like, okay, but you're not using it on a daily basis, of course you don't remember how to say it.

Yeah, compassion, compassion. Just like move forward and What do you— how does it feel speaking in Spanish? Like, do you feel like people recognize that you're a non-native speaker? What's the feedback that you get?

I think it depends a lot on me. I think people usually don't say much about it, but sometimes maybe I'm having an off day and then I don't feel so confident or whatever, and then I get way too in my head and then I might sound less— people pick up on that. So, but in general, I feel fine. I feel like me.

Mm-hmm.

It's still hard for me in groups. If I'm in a group of Spanish speakers, the conversation flies a lot faster than if I'm just one-on-one. I feel really comfortable one-on-one, but again, I don't have as much experience talking in a lot of Spanish groups, so it's just lack of Practice in those things, but I feel okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, and what is the biggest skill that you've developed relocating to, or the most important skill that you now have, life skill or anything that you have developed having moved to a different country?

Let's cut this thinking time.

I'm still gonna keep it.

Um, so many. Okay, I would say being flexible. I used to really be super inflexible.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah, I used to love a plan. I would really struggle when I didn't have a plan.

Stress out.

I would stress out and I would get really frustrated when other people didn't have a plan. And I used to think I was a person with a plan, like that was it, that was who I am. But I don't really think that that was true. I think I was just living by the confines of the culture I was in. And now I don't plan more than like I don't know, a couple hours in advance.

Oh my goodness.

Or like, I will, you know, like I, I can book a train or a flight in 2 days. If you told me that, I would be that type of person.

So you have both.

You can plan. I can plan.

But you can also be spontaneous.

Yeah. And I think also living in Spain, it gives you that space for spontaneity. And also living within Europe, traveling within Europe, it's very different than, um, at least living in the US where you really have to plan stuff. You know, you have like a kid's birthday party that's planned 3 months in advance that you have to RSVP to.

I know.

You know, and here it's, it's just like so easy. And I think I've learned to be inflexible because when you're trying to fit rigidity into an inflexible society, you're just going to be frustrated. So you have to surrender.

Yeah.

And I've, I've loved the surrender and I've loved Just leaning into it and just being like, it's okay, I don't, I don't need to have a plan.

Yeah.

And it's so funny when I compare that like with my family, you know, my, my parents might call me and they're like, oh, I want to come, you know, in 8 months from now. And I'm like, I don't even know if I'm gonna be living in my apartment in 8 months from now. Like, I might have moved.

I don't know if my name is going to be Christina. I don't know.

Anything is possible. And I love that. Like, I think I've really opened my mind. Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you feel more— but you were always pretty flexible.

I would— yes. I also like to not to plan ahead, but also always change the plans right before.

Mind you, how much time did you give yourself before moving to Spain?

I moved within a month.

An entire family.

Yeah. Within a month. I closed my studio. Said goodbye to everyone, packed my entire life within a month.

Yeah.

So that was challenging. Uh, but honestly, I don't know if I would've handled well with so much time. So like having 8 months to re— to, to prepare. I would like, you, you're like in this limbo of like, I can't do anything big here because I'm moving and like always thinking, you know, it's kind of like the amount of time that you have. No matter what you have to do within that time, you will most likely get it done, right? It, otherwise you just stretch the decision-making. You just stretch the, you know, like putting in a lot more effort into getting things done. So I, I've learned to do less and to get the most out of what I want. Yeah. Even though it's not perfect. But to me, and I wanna take what you said, like moving from rigidity.

Yeah.

By the way, good word. I know when I came up with it, I was like, I like how to pronounce rigidity.

It's a good one.

Rigidity and flexibility. I'm like, to me, I, I name it differently and I say like learning how to let go of control because, yeah, it is. Because when I moved, I had a plan. I wanted everything done by X. Yeah. Date. And then that, and then that. And then you come to Spain and you gotta let go. And Spain, like in January when everyone's off and you gotta, you know.

Yeah.

And you don't speak the language. Um, and you have to recognize that the world has different plans for you. Even just moving, you know, I had it, I, I was thinking about it, but I didn't plan it in for a long time. Mm-hmm. You know, so, and I think there is something very sweet about it because when people ask me now, like, how long are you gonna be in Spain? I'm like, I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm here for the next year.

Yeah.

That I know. Yeah. And then, I don't know. And, and living a life or creating a life, I think I deliberately created a life for myself. You as well.

Yeah, same.

Right. That I wouldn't have to be landlocked. I wouldn't have to be in one place so that I could be flexible. I mean, my parents are back in my home country and, and, and my friends, so it's not like I'm detaching myself, but travel has become not something that I do only when I'm on holidays, just like it's It's a part of my life.

Yeah.

Because I get to visit and see friends, but I also, everything is a lot easier here.

Yeah. Like so much easier.

I know.

Yeah.

Like I had, we had a community meetup in Naples and I took a plane. I took a flight in the morning and got back at night, so I got to see my daughters that same night. It was the Eurovision, so they were up.

You had to be back.

I had to be back. to see the results. Yeah, and that was terrible. Uh, so yeah, so letting go of control or being more flexible, I think that—

And I think like that ties into when it comes to language, and like we focus a lot about language, but it's also personal development. It ties into it. And so like from where you, where you started and where you are now, not talking about the language, but personally, what do you feel like has changed for you? Like, where have you— have you felt—

Well, I've done a lot of personal work to not, especially around process. The first year was like a horrible, horrible year personally because of a lot of things that were happening in the world and in my life and the business. And, you know, like so many changes without even talking about the relocation.

Yeah.

So I had to like do a lot of self-coaching, right? Like to, like I would get triggered and I would get like frustrated and it's like, okay, what's going on now? Is this real? Like I, after all, I'm safe. Such a privilege to be able to move with your family and, and to see my daughters struggling and to reframe it instead of what have I done to them? It's kinda like I'm, I'm. I'm offering them an opportunity to grow.

Mm-hmm.

Because a change is good and you learn to adapt and you learn to adapt to a new group of friends. Right. Um, which is a skill that they didn't have and now they do. Yeah. You know?

And I think also like embracing change and welcoming change and knowing that change feels hard, but usually when it feels hard, that is when you are growing. Yeah. Like if it doesn't feel hard, you're probably not challenging yourself. Ooh. That goes for language, that goes for life. I mean, everything.

Tell me about you, like, in terms of social life and friendships. Like, how has that changed for you?

Everything has changed. And the first time I came to Spain just to visit for a week, the first thing I noticed about Spain was it was so social. There was so much community. You go outside, people are sitting together. And I remember thinking in my mind, how do people have so many friends? That was really something I had, and I wanted that. so badly. I was just— I needed that. And, you know, of course my moving to Spain was very different from yours. Like, I came alone, which allowed, you know, for more flexibility, but also, um, I was alone. Like, I was really looking for that connection, and I also could find that connection really easily. And I found an incredible community of people when I moved.

Mm-hmm.

And for the first time in my life, I felt Understood. I mean, I felt like— oh my gosh.

Speak to that a little bit more. What is it? What does it mean to be understood?

I remember this first day I met someone when I moved to Valencia, and I was having a conversation with them, and I asked them like, oh, why did you decide to move here? And he said, oh, I don't know, I just wanted to try. And I thought to myself, Oh my God, I'm not crazy. Because for so long, whenever I told someone like, I don't know, I'm just gonna move and why, and let's see, like, you're crazy, what are you doing? Everyone thought like, you are really crazy. And I met someone else that, that, you know, did the same thing. And I kept meeting people like that, and I'm like, oh my God, these are my people. I'm not alone in this world and the way that I think. And I felt like I finally found my people. Um, my social life just completely expanded. in the best way possible. And I was also able to— but with that social life expanding also came a whole different confrontation of like, who am I? Who do I want to be? Who are my friends? How am I as a friend?

And how am I different with different people? And if so, why? And is it good or bad?

Or what does that say about me?

What does that say? Do I want it? Do I not want it?

For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And really like a complete identity shift, identity change, like a new situation. I'm a new person. I act differently. Like, before, my identity was really, like, fixed, and then here it was just breaking apart and rebuilding. And that breaking apart feels like I'm going insane.

Yeah.

But then, you know, you rebuild and you're like, okay.

And expand. Like, I feel like when you said it, I was like, my identity is expanding, not necessarily changing.

Yeah, not like, not shed. I would say it felt like shedding a new skin, you know, like a snake. Beautiful, love it. It's like you're growing.

Yeah. Do you think it has to do to do with the language as well? Like really having to, or no?

Yeah, because I think it comes with the fact that you are in a new country, you don't speak the language natively, people treat you differently. Like, look at me, I'm not Spanish. I cannot fit in, you know, in a way. Everyone sees me and they're immediately like, not from here. And so it's like, okay, no matter how good my Spanish might be, I will always be a little bit different. So also coming to terms with that, which is okay. Um, but I think that that also shakes you a little bit because you're like, okay, who am I and who do I really want to be when things are not easy? Yeah. When I can't go into a shop and get whatever I want, when I cannot like joke a little bit with the cashier or make, you know, some easy small talk over here.

Yeah.

Everything feels so effortful and it's like, oh, it's so heavy.

That's the hardest for me, by the way, not being able to make small talk. Yeah. With the people. Around me.

Yeah.

Like the, the—

You feel powerless.

The fabric.

Yeah.

Of your life and your community and your culture. Like you can't be a part of it. And even if you can communicate on a functional level, the small jokes, the compliments, the, like, I'm, that's the part that really hurts.

Yeah. It hurts. And I feel like I'm standing on the outside and I'm like, guys, can you let me in?

Yeah. Please. Yeah.

I wanna be part of your group.

Yeah. And I, I feel like it's not even that you're not invited. It's like, yeah, they would love—

and I think that that's the thing, like, I've had great experiences here and people want that too, but you just feel like I am not there. There's such a big gap between who I am and who I want to be. Um, but learning to move past that sometimes and just saying screw it, it's fine. Yeah, it's like, I'm not going to be perfect and that's Okay, this is not my native language and it's never going to be. Yeah. And I'm okay with that.

And the more permission we can give ourselves with the obvious things, right? Like language, of course, you know, like you're not a native speaker. It's okay that you're not perfect.

Yeah.

Even though it's hard to comprehend, but logically it's easy to give yourself permission. Sometimes we need to recognize that we do that with other things like our work or, you know, how we are in relationships, and we're very hard on ourselves for not being the ideal version or the perfect version. And we can take from that and bring it into other areas in life.

Yeah.

You know, I always say to my students, and you know that, that learning a second language is a personal development journey.

Yeah. It's—

there's so much growth. And if you don't— you're not willing to do the thought work and the— and recognizing what it does to you and how you show up, Like it, not only that you're, it's gonna be very hard and it's gonna take a long time to get fluent, you are not going to get to that ideal experience of feeling like a native speaker, right? I hate it when we say, oh, sound like a native speaker. No, but like, what does it mean to feel like a native speaker? It means that you are in your skin.

And you feel like yourself.

And you feel like yourself.

Yeah.

In, in whatever language you speak. And I think that's the ideal. And this is what we are doing here.

Yeah, that's great. I just want to say that really quick. It's like when you say, oh, I want to sound like a native speaker. Yeah, I never thought about that. Like, what you're really saying is, I just want to feel like me.

Yeah, like I was born into that language, and it doesn't need to be perfect, doesn't need to be fancy.

Yeah, it's just— it's good connected.

Yeah. All right, Kristina, that was a lot of fun talking to you.

Thanks for having me.

I'm going to say publicly that I'm so happy that you live in Spain and that we get to meet and have this, these conversations on and off camera. And thank you for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.