Hal Elrod promised his wife he'd do the dishes forever, then couldn't keep it. He learned that asking "what can I do?" actually adds to her mental load instead of helping. Couples use Instagram reels to talk about things they can't say out loud.
Do y'all do this? My wife, when she wants to communicate with me, sometimes she just sends me an Instagram reel that communicates the thing that she's trying to communicate to me. My wife sent me like 6 months ago on mental load, and it was this relationship expert. The guy was brilliant and he explained what happens with mental load and that when you just ask her, what can I do? It adds to the mental load. It's what you guys are talking about. And so I did ask her a question, but I said, hey, what's your least favorite chore? I'm going to do it for you. She said dishes. And I will say I tend to speak in absolutes. I said, you never have to do another dish again. Oops. I'm taking that on. And in that moment, Steph, my energy was high and I was like, I can do all the dishes forever. And now on any given day, she's like, are you into those dishes? I'm like, sweetheart, I freaking got up at 4 o'clock in the morning today. I worked until 5 PM. I'm exhausted. It's not perfect. And I've had to take it back and be like, hey, I over-promised saying you never had to wash another dish. The intention was there and I do the dishes a lot more. It's not perfect and there is still a little conflict, but I'm doing a lot more and she does understand how my brain works.
I sent him a few reels on perimenopause for sure.
Oh my gosh. All couples are the same with nuances.
Hal Elrod shares the most effective tool he’s learned to quickly handle anything life throws at you.
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