#108: Ever Wondered About Clubhouse? Come Behind The Scenes And Listen In On A Live Q&A with Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow.

I'm ready for my close up.

Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to hear what I have for you today. Okay, for anyone who has not been to Clubhouse yet, and I know there's a lot of you, for various reasons, right, you can only get on Clubhouse if you have an iPhone. A lot of people don't have iPhones, so that's one reason. Some people just say they haven't downloaded the app, they need an invite. Right. There's all these reasons why you can't get on. But I've been asked a lot about what happens on Clubhouse, so I'll give you a quick breakdown of what I do on Clubhouse. So I've been on Clubhouse for maybe the past almost two months now, probably six to eight weeks. And each week I host a room where people come up, ask questions, we give real time answers, feedback, encouragement, super fun. So interesting. Every week is different and I partner with a lot of my friends like Alex Carter, Hala Taha, a bunch of different people. Almost every week we have new people showing up to add value. If you're looking to first, you can just come to the room and listen, right? You don't have to jump up on stage, but if you'd like to, you just raise your hand or we pull you up and you get to ask your questions. So a lot of times people say to me, you know, I want one on one coaching, but I can't afford it. This is exactly the solution for you. The other solution I have, of course is you can always shoot me a DM with your questions. I answer them live on the podcast each week. So that's another solution for you. And of course I still have my group coaching and one on one executive coaching and consulting. So we've got solutions for you. If you've got challenges out there, I've got a solution for you. But today, for everyone who has not been able to make Clubhouse, if you haven't joined yet, we are going to give you a taste. I'm super excited to hear what you think. If you want to hear more episodes like this, if you want to join Clubhouse, let me know. Hit me up in the DMs, give me some feedback so I know what you want to hear. But today what you're getting a chance to do is listen in to one of my rooms that I've already done on Clubhouse. You if in real time you are jumping in right into the clubhouse room with me, you're going to hear people raising their hands, asking questions and the feedback that they're getting in real time. I can't wait to hear what you think. So hold tight. We're going to be right back with your first clubhouse room. Welcome back. Super excited. This is our first confidence and cocktails with my good friend Alex Carter, Paula, Taha and and we are firing up some great people in this room to answer, ask them what questions they have and shoot out some great advice. So Bailey, it looks like you are first up. How can we help you?

I am just starting in the network marketing space but it kind of sent me on like a self help journey more than anything. And I guess I am just trying to like you guys seem just hearing your stories are super, super powerful and inspirational and I guess just any advice you have for someone coming from mental health issues, anxiety, depression and just overcoming what people think and just getting out of that. I'm trying to build my business on social media. I live in Green Bay, Wisconsin which sounds bigger just because we have the.

Packers, but it's not.

It's a small town. So just any advice you guys would have on starting up a business, on being more confident and having the confidence in myself that it's going to take to live the life that I want.

Bailey, I am so proud of you. Number one for raising your hand and coming up on stage. That's an act of creating confidence. You're new here, yet you still jumped up. You just shared so much about your personal life. I'm so flipping proud of you and so excited for the journey that you are embarking. Please come back here every Friday. You know, we really are influenced so much by the people we surround ourselves with and a lot of people will say I don't have great people in my space or I don't know how to access them. This is a safe place. You can come every week. Alex holds a lot of rooms. Hala holds a lot of rooms. Start leveraging clubhouse to help lift you up and level you up and really challenge you to grow and we will absolutely do that for you here. I did want to mention one thing that I heard you say you apologize when you had a problem with your mic. We don't apologize in this room. We thank people for their patience. We thank them for their understanding. And I want to challenge you for the next seven days, Bailey, we no sorrys, really challenge yourself and DM me clubhouse. You're going to get Directed to my website with my free ebook. And I also have a download on my website to help you stop saying sorry. And it really breaks down through all the different ways that you can reframe situations and make it about gratitude and about the other person. Alex, I'm handing this over to you.

Oh, I love this room so much. Every time I hear Heather talk, I just get so pumped. Pumped up. I then want to go out and, like, make 10 power moves after we're done. So, Bailey, I want to pick up on something you said. You know, you talked, and I've looked at your bio. First of all, I love this. Not a boss, babe, Just a boss. I'm feeling that energy, Bailey. Okay, but you also talked about, you know, taking control of your life and learning to thrive through anxiety and depression. And here's the thing, Bailey. So many people deal with this, and I know I do, and I want to encourage you that your pain point is actually your power. So the fact that you have gone through anxiety and depression and now you're teaching people how to thrive through the same thing, that might be a pain point, but it's also the seat of your greatest power. Because when you have been through something like that, that's real, and people want to connect with that, and that then gives you a platform to influence and to inspire so many people. You know, hearing Heather, an incredibly powerful woman, talk about her story of being fired and shining a light on shame and finding your confidence, not being dependent on anyone else for your confidence, but. But creating it, right? That's a pain point that she turned into her greatest power. And I think the key is going to be that for you, Bailey, lean into the areas that you have struggled, and you're going to be the person that shows other people the way through. I can't wait to see what happens. And please stay in touch.

Oh, my gosh.

You guys are literally. I'm, like, tearing up over here. I absolutely love it. Just one other thing I wanted to say, like, thank you guys so much. It really means the world to me to get your guys's insight and hear what you have to say. And I will definitely work on not saying sorry for the next seven days. But the other thing, I want to grow my Clubhouse following so anyone can follow me. And I would love, love, love if I could ever, maybe in the future, have any of you talk with me on Clubhouse and just do rooms together. I really have been super, super drawn to this app, and I'm not sure why yet. So I'm trying to PAVE my way and figure out what I'm doing here. So thank you guys so much. I will definitely be joining you guys every Friday. I have to go bartender, actually, so I'll be serving the cocktails instead of having them, but I'll probably just have one because you guys are talking to me. So thank you guys again. Have a great weekend.

Thank you so much, Bailey. I'm so happy that we provided value. I hope to see you each and every week here at Confidence and Cocktails. So we're going to move this. And for those of you who just joined the room, we have this confidence and cocktail session every Single Friday at 5pm so it's something you guys can always look forward to. And if you have a question for Heather or Alex, raise your hand so that we can get you here on stage and so that we can answer your question. Typically, what happens is that everybody starts to raise their hand in the middle of the session and then a lot of people don't get answered. So if you definitely have a question, raise your hand so that we can make sure we can get to you. So, Mary, you're up next. How can we help you?

Thank you so much. First of all, I love this platform. I'm pretty new to clubhouse as well.

And I wish Bailey was still on.

Because her courage gave me courage to.

Speak up and ask my questions. Heather Alexandria, Holla. Thank you for putting this together.

I look forward to hopping on when I read it in my calendar. I've built business in the network marketing space and now I'm looking to do some things a little bit differently and.

To take on some new businesses.

And I'm finding myself just kind of, gosh, like overthinking things right.

And doubting myself even though I've already had success. What do you do to shift the self doubts that you have as you're thinking of a new project or a new business or a book or any of those big things? And then I am 43 years old.

And sometimes wonder, have I missed the.

Boat on some of these things?

Is there anything that you guys do maybe on a daily basis or anything on that would be so helpful?

Oh, my gosh, Mary, you're so in the right place. I'm so excited that you're here with us. So we are going to share a couple of key things with you. But first of all, I want to jump on 43, right, because that I'm 46. So you're a young pup. And here's what I want you to know. At 43, I wrote and self published my first book, Confidence Creator. Had no idea what was going to happen with that. At 44, I launched my podcast, which is number 17 on the Entrepreneur chart on Apple Podcasts. I had no idea what was going to happen with that at 44. What did I do when I was 44? Oh, I delivered my TEDx talk that was promoted to TED and translated into six languages. At 45, I was added as faculty to Harvard. And we've actually got the professor that did it up here on stage. And I can't wait to introduce you guys to him in a minute.

He's amazing.

And at 46, I signed with HarperCollins leadership. Mary, 43 is when it starts happening. It is not too late. You are not too old. You are in your prime and you are ready to take off. So let's get going. Let's get you taking some steps to build some momentum for you, for Everybody. You know, 2020 was such a difficult down year and that cut all of our momentum. I feel like for most people, 19 was a pretty decent year and that gives you momentum to start picking up speed, moving faster. I want you to take 2021 as the pickup right from 2019. We are going to build a lot of momentum this year. I can already see it happening. It's happening via clubhouse from these meetings that we're all having coming together. It inspires me to take more action and I truly believe, Mary, I would rather move fast and break things than not do anything at all. And let me explain to you what I mean by that. My book, Confidence Creator has three mistakes. I wrong aged my child in that book. Some people would be really disappointed in that.

But you know what?

I'm really proud of it. I moved fast. I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but I knew I had a story to tell and I had something to teach. And I know speed to market is critical in any business and it's critical for you, Mary, in your business. So I want you to move fast and break things.

Be the person that creates the book.

With three mistakes versus the person that's laying on a deathbed someday saying, I.

Had the perfect book. It was gonna be wonderful, but I.

Never got to write it and it's so sad. Actually, my mentor, this just popped in my mind. One of my big mentors from my radio days in the media business.

Wonderful.

Dear friend of mine passed away last year and at the end of his life, he started writing a book. And that book never got to come to fruition because he Became ill and passed away. And I dedicate part of my new book. I wrote a chapter about him in my new book because I was so committed to that idea that he had so much greatness within him that will live on in me and so many other people that he touched. That's his legacy. However, I knew he really wanted to get that book out there, so I committed to him that I would deliver on that. And I put a chapter about everything that who he was and what he stood for in my book. So, Mary, doesn't have to be a book. It can be a business. It can be an idea, whatever it is. But don't let it die inside of you. Perfection is just a veil and cover for fear. So start calling it what it really is. Alex, over to you.

Wow, Heather. I mean, I feel like we heard this question and we both had the same reaction. Because Mary, truly, when they say life begins at 40, that is real. I want to tell you where I was at 40. At 40, I was in a really prestigious job where people would look at me from the outside and say, that woman has everything. She has it all. And inside, I was deeply unhappy because I was busy chasing everybody else's dreams for my life and not my own. I worked so hard on other people's priorities for me that I drove myself to a nervous breakdown. I worked so, so hard on things that didn't fill me up and didn't bring me joy that I ended up being unable to sleep at night. I accidentally overdosed on Ambien, and I drove into work, blacked out. Okay, so that was 40. And in that moment, I said, this stops now. From now on, I'm going to live my life. I'm going to go for my dreams, and I'm going to step into my calling. And I have to tell you that since then, life has been incredible beyond my wildest imaginings. I started working on projects that fulfilled me. And when I did that, and I let go of everything that wasn't mine, I let go of everything that wasn't serving me. I stepped off it. I said, I'm done. And I reprioritized my entire life. And, Mary, you're at that inflection point, and I want you to know that everything good, everything beautiful is on the other side of the fear that you're experiencing now. Heather always says, fear is a green light. That means go. And when I finally stepped into that, here's what happened. So at 43, I won the Lifetime teaching award from Columbia University. It's their highest teaching honor. At 44, I published my first book from Simon and Schuster. And despite the pandemic, despite my entire book tour being canceled, I went out and worked my network like a boss and made my book the first ever negotiation book written by a woman to make the Wall Street Journal business bestseller list. And at 45, as I sit here today, I have never, ever been more comfortable in my own skin, in my own power. I surround myself only with people who fully support me and my vision for my life. And if you are not on board for that vision, then I wish you the best. And our paths are going to take us in different directions. And Mary, you got on this stage tonight because you are ready for more. Because you are hearing a voice inside you saying there is something more that's out there for me and you're going to go and grab it now. And my advice to you is to talk about this and put this out into the universe as often as you can. That's what I did, Mary. I told everybody I'm writing a book. I'm getting this out there. And the more I said it, the more I stepped into the vision of who that person was. And so that work starts for you here tonight. I think you should come back to this room over and over again, and I can't wait to see what happens for you. Welcome to your 40s. Life is gorgeous. Stay in touch.

I loved everything you guys said, absolutely.

Needed to hear everything tonight. So thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Mary, Selena, you're up next. What is your question for Heather and Alex?

Hi, ladies. Hi, Heather. Hi, Alex.

Hi.

Hello. It's so nice to be on the stage and just want to say thank you so much for hosting this room. I've been following all your content on LinkedIn and absolutely inspire by whatever that you guys just said earlier. Earlier this week. It's about iwd, right? International Women's Day on Monday. And I've been like, hosting. I'm all about, like, women empowerment and all about, like inspiring by women leaders like you girls. And when we cheer on each other, there's always incredible things happen and truly believing on that. But I caught myself when I'm running the IWD webinar campaign as well as sometimes running Clubhouse Room, I caught myself consciously that I couldn't be able to basically communicate concisely as well as sustained in love. So, yeah, I just discovered that lately about myself and every time when I.

You know, call up to the stage.

Like this, I have like a little bit panic about talking and speaking and Actually, that's my job every single day for. For speaking events, as well as just basically talking with different clients and presenting. So I'm just wondering whether you girls have any sort of suggestion for me to do about that, as well as I know for a fact that all of you are speaking daily in your talk show, in your broadcast, as well as multiple different interviews. I just really want to hear from you your thought about how to be a more concise communicator, as well as more confidence than when you're speaking.

Thank you, Selena, first of all, super proud of you for being this vulnerable and sharing this. And thank you for doing that. You're definitely helping others that are here, you know, feeling the same way. So a couple of things. When you feel nervous and you're about to speak, yes, you should feel nervous. That means you care. I think that it would be terrible if we weren't a little nervous, right? I'm always a little nervous. I want to do a great job for people, and I want to go all in and deliver the best. So we should be a little nervous. There is a fine line between fear and excitement. So one of the ways that I knock back fear and I knock back that nervous feeling is I stand up. So first of all, stand up. If you're sitting down, I want you to stand up, because jumping around and moving around will completely start changing the way you are thinking and feeling. Grab your lavender essential oil. I keep mine right next to my computer, and when I'm out in the real world, it's in my pocket. Because if I get really, really nervous, I start sniffing that, I get centered, I get calm, and I focus on a time when I did a fantastic job in a similar situation where I felt nervous. Selena, you're going to start doing that and thinking about today that you're supported, that you have all of these people behind you. You aren't alone. You're nervous because you care. You start jumping around, you're in really smell that essential oil. Get yourself centered. And my killer hack is I have a playlist that I only use when I'm about to do something huge. And that can be coming into clubhouse, right? It can be whatever is huge for you that day. But this is actually taken from a psychology study called Pavlov's Law, which was a study done with dogs where you ring a bell and feed the dog immediately after the dog's brain becomes trained and primed to know the minute the bell rings, the dog starts salivating. The dog knows food is coming. So I leverage that playlist, this really powerful playlist, that is the music that I love that hypes me up. I only let myself listen to it right before I do something major. The minute I'm in the Uber. I can picture myself right now going to a huge event and I am scared to death. And I have done all the other things. I jumped around, I put my best foot forward, I invest in myself, I get an outfit I'm super excited about, I smell my lavender, I get in that Uber and I hit play. And once Jay Z drops, let me tell you something, nothing will change that zone that I get in. Nothing can take me out of that commitment to I am about to go kill it. So I want you to create that playlist for you to get in the habit and practice of playing it right before your big event. Right before you come up on stage at Clubhouse. Remind yourself you're excited, not nervous, and it's great because you really care. And you're going to keep reminding yourself of that and keep thinking about these days like today, where we're all behind you and carry us with you. We will be there with you in spirit. Alex, over to you.

Oh, my God, Heather, you're like dropping the fire tonight. Selena, I'm so glad you got up on stage. I have a question to ask you. Selena, I see that you went to college in Hong Kong. How many languages do you speak?

Selena, I spoke four languages, but English is something that I learned only primary school, so it might not be my natural language, but I try very hard to speak concisely. So when Heather talking about having the sense, having the playlist, I think those are really, really useful. But also want to learn how to communicate better and structure. And earlier, like I share, I was running this IWD International Women's Day webinar and one of the speaker and panelists was sharing calling. Like, women and men have very different communication skills. Where like, for women, I also caught myself like email, even saying email, I'll be like dear and then say thank you. Loads of thank you, say a lot of please. But for men, email is just super concise. So I want to learn how to be concise but equally not losing my identity and style. So, yeah, I would love to hear. Alex, what do you think about. I could improve better on that.

Yes. So first of all, the reason I asked you that question is because I just want to reflect to you that you speak four languages and English is not your first language. So you are here conducting an advanced conversation in one of your four languages. So I Wanted to take a moment to pause and recognize your achievements and that you are already a badass for being able to conduct business and conversations in multiple languages. Okay, so I want to reframe that for you first. The second thing I want you to know is that you don't have to be flawless to be persuasive or an inspiration. When I see somebody get up in one of the four languages they speak and make an incredibly persuasive presentation, as you just did, and ask an incredibly incisive question as you just did, you should know that you don't have to be 100% flawless for people to look in the room and say, wow, Saluna is incredible. I have to tell you that the moments, in fact, when I am not 100% perfect are often the moments that I connect with people the most, because people don't want perfection. They want to see someone who is striving to better themselves every day. And that's exactly what you're doing. You know, the last thing I want to say to you is you talked about speech patterns with men and women. This is so incredibly important, Selena. And it's been a huge topic of conversation here right at the moment. You know, both online and in person person, women feel pressure to be more concise, to be more likable. And, you know, there are ways in which we can get penalized differently from men for the way we speak. One of the things that Heather talked about up top is eliminating certain things from your speech, like over apologizing. This is something. If you go to Heather's socials, if you go to my social channels on Instagram, you're gonna see that both of us have talked about this. There are a few simple tweaks that you can make. For example, eliminate I'm sorry. Simply say thank you. Or don't say I think or I guess instead just state your point. Don't apologize for your expertise. These are little things, Selena, that it doesn't matter whether you're operating in your first language or not, that all of us can use to really not apologize for our expertise, not apologize for our accomplishments, and be able to advocate for ourselves and display confidence in any arena. I want to reflect to you that you already are extremely impressive. If you follow Heather and start implementing a few of these small tweaks, I think you're only going to take yourself to even greater heights. And I can't wait to see what you accomplish. Good luck and come back to see us again.

Selena, I think you had such a great question. If I Could just add a few things. So to me, it feels like you also may want to incorporate some more preparation and think about the things that people often ask you about, especially in rooms like clubhouse. So if people are asking to introduce yourself or your business, you need to make sure that you write those things down, that you have bullet points of what you say when you describe yourself and what are the meaning main points that you want to hit. And when that's really clear, you won't say all the fluff because a lot of the times we fill in with fluff because we don't know what to say next. And it's an excuse for us to kind of get more time to think. But if you write down bullet points in terms of what's the most important thing you're going to say when somebody asks to introduce yourself or your business or the key stories and experiences in your life, then you will be more concise when they say, you know, you have 60 seconds to say your pitch or whatever it is, because you'll have already known that and practice that over and over again every time that you're asked. So I would also say, in addition to everything that Heather and Alex said, also be sure to incorporate some more preparation. Well, Selena, how did we help you today? Are you satisfied with all these answers?

Absolutely. I have been just dropping down all the notes and thank you so much and I will definitely come back. I learned a lot, really. So thank you so much, ladies.

Amazing. Well, everybody here, I just want to reset the room really quickly. You are listening to Confidence and Cocktails. This is a session that we have each and every Friday at 5pm it features Heather Monahan. She is a number one sales expert. She's also a confidence creator and is the host of the Creating Confidence podcast and special guest. Today, Heather and Alex team up with in clubhouse rooms all week. Alex is the world's number one female negotiator. She's also a Columbia Law professor. And next up on the stage is John. Heather, do you want to introduce John to the stage?

Thank you, Hala. So I'm super excited. This is really. I have to give you guys a little bit of backstory. So about two and a half years ago, I put a post up on LinkedIn and if you're not on LinkedIn, get on LinkedIn. It is the most amazing platform for business. I put a post up on LinkedIn about some sales tips and I got a DM from a man I didn't know asking me if I wanted to be a guest professor at Harvard for a class. I thought Ashton Kutcher had brought back his old show Punk'd. And I hope some of you know what that show was. I thought, no way. Why would Harvard ever want me to teach? I couldn't get into Harvard. Why would I be able to teach at Harvard? Well, I jumped on a call with this man, John Westman, who happens to be here right now with us today. And he gave me such an amazing gift. He shared with me how he saw me, which was a beautiful way that I did not see myself. And when he explained to me all the value he thought that I could add from my unique place in the world, I accepted and he brought me into his class. And I got the opportunity to be a guest professor at Harvard for a session. And it was amazing. And I saw in that room, while there were very intense, intelligent people, they didn't have the real world experience that I had. I had a unique perspective and angle that added value and they added value to me. That day I took Harvard off a pedestal and realized we are all equal. And that day I started a friendship with my friend John, who is here now. And wouldn't you know, Fast forward to January 2, 2021. I get a message from my friend saying I just got the opportunity to. To bring someone on to teach the semester with me. I'd like it to be you. So he nominated me. I was approved and now we work together teaching professional selling and sales leadership at Harvard. And it is still mind blowing to me. It is my Elle woods moment. I am so frickin grateful for it. I've made the most amazing contacts. But I was scared to death that first day. And I just want to thank John Westman so much for giving me that opportunity. To John, the mic is yours.

Oh wow. Well, you're certainly welcome. I've had to learn how to say that. And you know, the gift is you to our course for sure. I'm listening to this and feeling grateful to hear Heather and Alex's point of view and everybody's points of view here. You know, I don't have the lived experience of being a woman. I am older, I'm 63, I'm an old white dude. And psychological, I don't know, I'm just really inspired by this and touched by how powerful everyone listening to this must be. And then the kind of the power that Heather and Alex are transferring to people, I just think is fantastic. I did want to say one thing though, thinking about it, these people wanting to do stuff when at any age I do These are two living examples who are world class, top of the world. I just go back to a quote by Gordon Parks, who's an African American kind of generalist but photographer, and his quote I'm looking at right now is enthusiasm is the electricity of life. How do you get it? You act enthusiastic until you make it a habit and then he goes on and I just am like man, I got nothing to add to this. This is just inspiring and I love it. So the gift is you Heather to our class. We're loving your contributions to it. It's all about conversations. It's all about conversations.

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John means the world to have you support me, mentor me and encourage me and the opportunities you give me. So, so incredibly grateful. Hala, back to you.

Amazing. Well John, we'll leave you up on stage here in case you have any value to share during the conversation tonight. Storm, you're up next. What is your question to the panel?

Awesome. Thank you so much. So I want to make a statement before a question if that's okay. So I stumbled into this room last week and I've got to tell you.

I consider myself to be a strong.

Focused woman and I have connected with.

Many different women's groups.

Groups.

And when I stepped into this room last week, I knew that I had found women of strength. And I need to commend you both. Heather, Alex, you guys are just unbelievable examples of strength. I sit back and I look at you guys are saying your Life starts at 40. Well, I'm going to be 56 next year and I believe my best life.

Is still ahead of me.

So with my heart, what I want to ask you guys, and hopefully it's not too controversial, but I want to ask you both a question I find so often, especially the more success you have. We're so polarized and male and female are on opposite sides of the fence so much. And so we put ourselves in an opposition phase rather than a collaborative phase. As strong women who have such great voices, how do you remain strong but still celebrate the fact that you're beautiful women?

Storm, that's a really interesting question, one we've never been asked in all of these clubhouse events. So I'm so super appreciative that you bring that up, you know, I'll take it just back to my experience. When I was younger in corporate America, I was told I should wear my hair back in a bun. You know, a tight bun. I should probably add glasses, even though I didn't need them at the time. Sadly, I do need them now, which is the whole universe's joke. And also I should wear pantsuits. And so I did that for a while. I changed the way that I looked. I really, you know, steered away from being feminine and tried to be more aggressive. So I was creating a Persona that wasn't really me. Now, I found success in corporate America like that. However, and this is what's the key. The key part here is until the day I really decided, I made a deliberate decision a few years ago that I was going to create confidence within me at work because I was allowing somebody else treating me badly at work to chip away at my confidence. And I had had enough. I started a campaign for myself, to myself, about myself, and I launched a media campaign for myself. If you want to see the whole story, you can check out my TED talk. It's 10 minutes, super powerful, and you can do the same for you. During that time, what I realized was I was showing up as a watered down version of me. It wasn't the real me. So I decided to start blowing my hair out. I just started and wearing it down. I decided to start wearing my fantastic red dress, my blue dress. I started showing up as the real me, which also is a more feminine side of me. I started showing up as a vulnerable me. I sent an email to my entire female team across my company saying on International Women's Day four years ago, saying, I'm disappointed that I haven't done this sooner. I'm reaching out today to let you know I am struggling with three things. And here they are. And I bullet pointed them. And then I said, and I'm super proud of these three things. I'd love it if you could all respond back with three things you're struggling with and three things you're proud of. Because I want us to have a community of women supporting women that we called it Lightning in a bottle. That email went crazy and everybody was so excited about it. I started to become a more vulnerable, real version of me. And as I stepped into being more feminine, I really started becoming much more powerful at work, much more successful at work, and much more creative, which had not been part of who I was as I was trying to, you know, create this fake version of myself. And I connected more with men and women as I showed up as that real me. So I've really found my power in being more feminine, in being more real. Alex, how about you?

Gosh, Heather, this is incredible. I've had a similar journey and you know, talking about from the approach of negotiation. So I'm a negotiation professor and trainer. And there's tons of research to show that what people respond to in negotiation is authenticity. And so if you are putting on a version of yourself, whether that's you're a woman trying to make yourself hard and masculine, or you're a collaborator who feels like you have to put put on this competitive veneer in order to be powerful or successful, people can see that and you actually reduce your power as a result. I would say for me, I've grown up maybe similar to Heather being a woman in very male dominated environments. And I think I imbibed this message that somehow to be powerful meant that I had to be all hard edges. And so I couldn't be soft, I couldn't dress feminine and still be 100% in my power. And similar to Heather, I came to a journey where I've now at age 45, never felt more well rounded, more myself, more feminine and yet more powerful in my entire life. But one of the dimensions I would add to this is that I became a mom. And there was a time when I thought I couldn't really be a mother because I was too hard driving, I was too ambitious in my career and that meant that I couldn't really be an appropriate mother. And I went ahead and had a daughter anyway. And it is just incredible. On a personal note, being a mom and seeing how my daughter doesn't care, you know, what I do in my career or how hard I am or how impressive or all of that, she just needs me and my presence and my time. And there's something about the purity of that relationship that's made me realize I don't have to be so edgy or hard all the time. I can just be soft, I can be myself and I can just be. And I would say that for me is one of the greatest gifts of being a mother, is that it's allowed me to see and a mother to a girl, that being feminine is being incredibly powerful, full stop. Thanks for that great, great question.

Dorm back to you. I hope that you know, Alex and Heather helped to answer your question. Do you feel satisfied with their responses?

Absolutely, I will if I will always.

Be in this room. I think you guys are incredible, powerful examples and I thank you for your truth and I thank you for being everything that I have been looking for. So thank you.

Amazing. Well, everybody, you are tuning in to confidence and cocktails right now. We're here with Heather Monahan and Alex Carter. We are doing a Q and A, an open Q and A. So if you have questions for Alex and Heather, raise your hand now. And if we have time, we will make sure we bring you up on the stage. So, Storm, I'm going to move you down to the audience. Thank you so much for having the courage to ask your question. We're going to move on to Madhu. How can we help you today?

Hey, everybody. I'm Madhu. And first off, I'm so glad I came across this room today. There's just been so much amazing advice, information, and just, like, general overall good vibes and the perfect way to end a Friday. End the week right on a Friday. So thank you for that. I'm a tech consultant and I am also a solopreneur. I have a small brand for fashion, and if you take me, I can sell the hell out of my products. I can talk at length about how they made, where they made, and why you need them in your life.

Right.

But when it comes to talking about myself, be it at work, at my job, or even talking as the designer behind my brand, I fall flat, like, literally flat on my face. Just going back to what Hala spoke about was I tried to prep before calls or, you know, anytime I think that I might have to talk about myself. But more often than not, I'm kind of. It just happens spontaneously, right. Some meeting and I have to, like, step in with question and then obviously they want to know what I do, who I am. And so when it comes to that, I just kind of, like, draw a blank. So the kind of information that I'm hoping to hear from you both, Heather, Alexandra, is how do I build that confidence to talk about myself without the fear of, you know, overselling myself? Because I know that I'm not overselling, but there's always this fear that holds me back just a little bit more context.

There is.

I've taken a few personality tests, and more often than not, I am a servant leader. So, yeah, just leaving that out there.

Madhu, thank you so much for that question. I love it. And this is. I. I completely get you, first of all. Right? I've been there. I've been in your shoes, number one. I love that you celebrate that you are an amazing salesperson. Shout out. That is major confidence building right There. I'm super excited that you shared that. So you have the potential. You know what it feels like. However, when it comes to promoting yourself, it feels really uncomfortable.

Correct.

Exactly.

What is it that you're afraid of? You're afraid people will think that you're speaking too highly of yourself?

Yes. So that I'm speaking too highly of myself and that the expectations are going to be right up there and I'm not going to be able to meet them.

Okay, here's what we know. You actually will be able to meet them. Let me just break down a couple of key things for you. Number one, people speak about us the way we speak about ourselves. That was a hard lesson for me to learn in business. If I try to diminish or dim my light when I speak about me, others will do the same. Well, Heather, you know, she's okay. She's all right.

You know, she might be able to.

Get that job done. I decided if I keep speaking about myself in a watered down way, others will keep that conversation going. That is not the conversation you want to have. You're not going to get the opportunities in business that you want. Think about a man or a woman that you can channel in those moments. That's what I would do. I'll never forget I had to go on an international news program and two minutes before I went on air, someone said to me, this woman is going to attack you. Just get ready for it. And I thought, okay, who can I channel going into a very difficult situation that I can just steamroll that will allow me to steal? And I thought, Donald Trump. Nothing about politics, but when that man is being interviewed by someone and he doesn't like a question, he steamrolls them. So I channeled Donald Trump in that interview, and this woman asked me about international business and all these things I didn't know anything about. In my mind, I thought, how would Donald Trump answer? And I just said, great question, but let's go back to what really matters here. And I brought back to the US which is what I knew. So what I want to share with you is channeling Personas and personalities works. I've done it, I've done it successfully, and you can do it. So channel me. Channel whoever you want in that next situation when someone throws you a curveball. The other thing that I would say is, you know, there are going to be other people in that meeting. There are going to be people that are going to respond to you, and there are people that you don't even realize that you're going to impact from these conversations, do it for those people. If you can't do it for yourself until you start to build that momentum, do it for other women. Stand up and speak the way that you want people to speak about you when you're not around, because you're doing it for the people that are going to be coming after you. And if you have a daughter, holy cow, I don't know if you do, but if you do, do it for her. Alex?

Yeah, Madhu, this is a great question, and Heather gave you incredible advice. So, Madhu, if you're receiving value from this room tonight, know that the only reason that you are here is that Heather and I both learned to step into our expertise and tell our own story and claim our worth in the public sphere. So when Heather says do it for the people coming after you, she's right. Because here's the thing. When you claim your expertise, and by the way, this is part of negotiation. You know, I train people in negotiation. It's not just numbers, Madhu. It's learning how to tell your story. It's about the messages. And so when you learn how to claim your expertise, that's negotiating. And you are opening up so many opportunities to serve thousands of other people. People are going to look to you, Madhu, to see what is possible. What can I achieve? You know, I'm a big believer that each one of us has a calling and that we have a message that only we can deliver to the world. And there are people out there right now, Madhu, who are waiting for you to step into your expertise, to claim it and to fully offer everything you have. I don't want you to make them wait any longer. And know that when you step into your expertise, when you ask for more, the next person who does it is going to have an easier road. So go out there, Madhu, be the message. And know truly that if somebody can't support you for all that you are and all that you have to offer, then like Heather did before, it's time to get a new company and get a new circle. Because the people around you who support you for who you are, those are the people that you want to be in business with for the long term and no one else. If they can't accept it, that's their problem, not yours. Stay in touch, Madhu. Can't wait to hear what comes next for you.

Madhu, are you happy with these responses? Did we help you today?

Oh, my God, that was amazing. And I completely connect with the last tip that Alexandra gave, gave me about having people who support you. Right. That should be your community. That should be the people who are around you. 2020 has been a year of detoxing. I have been getting away from some negative people. So I will definitely keep that in mind along with everything else that Heather and Alexandra have been drop today. Thank you so much, guys.

Perfect Medu. I hope you come back each and every Friday so that we can keep along with your journey. Jan, you're up next to the stage. How can we help you today?

It's Jean, not Jan. That's okay. So I actually have a something I.

Don'T really have advice.

I have a plug. It's a plug that I think will serve a lot of entrepreneurs and women. And if it's okay, I just want to explain it. I have a three decade career in business and I've been through many journeys and I'm part of an organization that has been on this week of International Women's Day and the kickoff of Women's History Month, recognizing that there are 2 million women that have been shoved out of the workforce this year because of the pandemic, the nature of their jobs, and the fact that child care very often falls to the female in the household. And we all decided that we need to do something about it and we created a campaign which is. And there are many similar campaigns, but this one is aimed at mentoring any woman who wants advice on how to get back into the workforce or build their business. Hashtag to the number two 2 million mentor minutes I have so far. This is a group of powerhouse women all over the country in leadership positions who are willing to give their time to try and help women get back into the workforce or give them advice on how to lift them up in their business. It's been a fabulous experience. There are many initiatives that are kind of similar, but if anybody out there is interested in getting somebody's time to just give them advice. In addition to your own initiative, which is fabulous, I just wanted to give a shout out for it. My inspiration is a quote that I've used as my north star, which is from women's civil rights activists and suffragists who fought for the women's right to vote, fought for people of color back at the turn of the century. And her big motto is lift while you climb, which is it's not enough to be successful on your own. You have to bring others along with you. So that's why I'm part of this initiative. I just welcome everybody to go look for hashtag awesome 2 million mentor minutes.

Nice. Thank you so much, Jean, thank you so much for letting us know. Sharon, you're up next. You are tuning in to confidence and cocktails. What is your question for sales and confidence expert Heather Monahan and negotiation expert Alex Carter?

More of a kudos, ladies. First of all, what gets people better than confidence in cocktails? And I'm sitting here now with a glass of sauvignon blanc and just finished up clubhouse thing myself and just came onto you. Kudos for you ladies for having this. And I probably am a little bit more wiser. That's what I'd like to sometimes think of a little bit more senior years. And first of all, ladies, why fit in when we were born to stand out. And what Heather and Alexandra and everyone are saying is so true. I mean, when I started my career, it was all about the little blue suit with a button top with a little bow tie and the hair pulled back. And that's when I started corporate. And before that I started, I was in TV and I was actually told on a few counts and thankfully, look at these gorgeous women that are on stage here tonight. But I was told rather I was too pretty for this or too that in a male dominated world as we were just starting to break in. Cut to now I speak all over the world and I've owned my own companies for 30 some odd years and started my own business. I know somebody was talking about that. It may have been hala just a little bit before about having a child and I moved from the C suite and started my own companies because I needed the flexibility. But I also wanted to be a wonderful role model because the one thing other than unconditional love that we can give our children is self confidence and self esteem and believing in themselves from a young age. So now I speak about leadership, confidence, teamwork and success. Why am I on clubhouse? I'm not about selling things. I'm about helping especially women to build up and find more confidence in who you are and how you live your life. For me, I do have several events and one of the biggest topics I speak on is being uniquely you. That's y o u uniquely you. But it's all about believing in you, in your authenticity. And somebody was asking before about, you know, they felt like they were bragging about talking about themselves. Listen, it's not bragging. If you have the education, the experience and the expertise, go for it because nobody is ever going to be a better cheerleader for you than yourself. And that's what Heather and Alexandra and Hela are creating with this. So this particular platform and this particular room really rocks and resonates and should resonate with women from all backgrounds from all over. I really work with leadership image and building people up. So your leadership image, and that's what Heather and Alexandra were also talking about, is who you are. Your leadership is what you do. But in Before I give the stand down, I'm just going to give you a little bit of advice. It's very simple for everybody to remember and that's your ABCs. And what do they mean? Your ABCs are to always be confident because when you are confident and you believe in you, others will believe in you because you have to believe in yourself in an authentic way and then you will be able to take charge and go anywhere in the world you want to be.

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That's beautiful, Sharon.

And I'm done speaking.

That's beautiful, Sharon. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. We're just running out of time here. The event is about to be over and actually Alex here has to run. So I'm going to allow Alex to say goodbye to the group here.

Yeah, thank you so much. And I think one of the things that Sharon raised and that's been a theme of tonight is you know, people talked about lifting others up and I wrote a book called Ask for More. But I'm all about not just asking for more for yourself, but for others. And I want People to know here tonight that the women on this panel, Heather Monahan and Hala Taha, are the people who lift others up behind the scenes and that support me and support each other. And so I want to say to everybody in this room, please follow the wonderful women on this stage. We're creating a community here today. And I want to thank Heather and Hala so much for being the type of women leaders that I love to collaborate with who believe in lifting others as they climb. And I'm so glad to have spent a Friday night here with all of you. Look forward to seeing you again next week.

Thanks, Alex. You're the best. We appreciate you so much. All right, folks. So, Alex, thank you so much again for joining us. We're going to continue on here and finish up the stage. Noran, you are up next. What is your question for Heather Monahan?

I was just listening while I was doing my walk.

I usually get out to walk a.

Little bit when the weather is nice.

And I got a lot of insights and a lot of confidence built by just by listening to you ladies. And I admire your strength. I come into the clubhouse sometimes and I just keep my. I just built my confidence just by listening and seeing that how other people are doing it and they don't fall.

Back and they keep going.

I.

That's all I want to say.

I just. I just love you guys.

Oh, thank you so much. Naran. Thank you for coming up and saying that. We so appreciate you. Please keep coming back. We'd love to have you here every week.

I got to the house and so I'm going to get notifications every time.

You guys coming?

Perfect.

That's what everybody should do. If you haven't yet, make sure you're following Heather, tap the bell for always follow her her here on Clubhouse and on Instagram so you guys can always keep up to date with her. And I think our favorite thing when it comes to hosting these rooms and Heather, correct me if I'm wrong, it's when it's the recruitment. Recurring faces come up and share, like what happened next? Like, Ellie is always in this room. I don't know if you guys if she's tuning in today, but you know those folks who come week over week, it's so much fun to keep up with these stories. So make sure you guys come here again next Friday, 5pm it's kind of a tradition. We have confidence in cocktails every single Friday. So, Lexi, you are the last person on the stage here. How can we help you?

Hi.

So I'm new to this. So nice to meet you guys, virtually, at least. So I'm 22, relatively young. I actually been in my industry for about eight years now. I started when I was 15, and I ended up actually leaving a corporate position for a Fortune 500 company in the middle of COVID and started my own business.

But I am having a little bit.

Of trouble when it's coming to, like, building my inner resilience because I'm so young and I'm basically the owner of the firm. I'm trying to like. I guess my question is the perception of others often come to create, like, an internal tension for me. And I wanted to know, like, how do you come off both nice and tough in a leadership position to be seen as, like, competent? And do I have to minimize my feminine side in order to get that across? Because my industry, like the sales industry, specifically for what I sell, is more of a male dominant industry. But if I come off a certain way, sometimes I may come off as a bitch. Excuse my French. What do you, like, recommend in order to, you know, come off as both nice and strong and tough?

Lexi, did you win my contest today on LinkedIn?

Yes, I did.

I'm so happy you're here. Okay, guys, if you don't follow me on LinkedIn, definitely give me a follow. I ran a contest today to give away an invite to clubhouse to be here today. Lexi won. I'm super excited that you're here, Lexi, and congratulations. You are a complete boss. It took me getting fired at 42 years old, right, to go out on my own. You bossed up at a younger age, A much younger age. And during a pandemic. I am so cheering you on. I am your hype girl. I'm so excited for you. So, right.

Move.

Invest in yourself. Take that chance. You brought up a few times that you were young when you were speaking, and I. I want you to start seeing young as your advantage point. And I'm going to hand this to Hala after, because Hala is quote, unquote young, too. But she's a boss who rolled the dice on herself, jumped all in on herself, just like you. And that's actually your superpower. We all need a unique value proposition. Something that makes us different and unique, right? I've been building this unique value proposition my entire career. But now I leverage that I got fired, right? I leverage that I have expertise and years of experience. However, you, conversely, can leverage the fact that you see things through a different lens.

You have a fresh perspective, right?

You bring a value And a perspective others don't have. The fact that you're a woman is going to give you a totally different perspective than the men you are so needed at the table you want. You're the one that took the leap.

And left the corporate job.

You are the boss and start stepping into that. The sooner you can start stepping into that power, the sooner it's going to be your unique value proposition. It's going to be the thing that makes that difference maker for you. So instead of seeing it as a negative, let's reframe it. And Hala, I have to hand this to you because it's your story.

Yeah, of course. So first of all, Lexi, super impressed. Like, read your profile and seems like you've already accomplished a lot at such a young age and you're just diving into being an entrepreneur and seemingly having a lot of success. So kudos to you. First of all, I echo what Heather said in terms of being young is an advantage, especially it seems like you're in the technology space. This type of environment is changing every single day. And so even people that might have 10 years of experience when it comes to the actual industry and how things work today, they might only have a couple years of relevant experience. And so when it comes to actual level of expertise, you're right up there with everyone else because the landscape changes so fast. So first of all, you need to realize that. Second of all, I'm a young business owner as well. I started YAP Media, which is a social media and podcast marketing agency, six months ago. I'm almost at a million in recurring annual revenue. I have over 30 paid employees and so things are scaling really fast. And you know, some of my prospects have mentioned to me that they feel that my team is very young. And it's true. A lot of my team is under 30 years old and we are trying to right now recruit senior leaders. But something to think about with something like your business where you are having a lot of success is why not start to put together an advisory board. There's a lot of senior leaders, especially now in Covid, who are out of a job and who, who would prefer to have these advisory roles in your company and may not even want to be compensated. They may want to instead act on a referral basis and maybe you give them, you know, some sort of a kickback for whatever deals they bring in or they may want to have it on their LinkedIn profile because it is, you know, you're a hot up and coming company that has a lot of potential and So I just think that it's, you know, an idea for you to consider having advisory roles and that way you will level up the seniority in your organization and maybe you won't get as much pushback for being a young leader when people know that you've got senior executives kind of guiding your ship. And that's the kind of thing that I'm thinking about today as well.

So that was really helpful. Actually, coincidentally, I do have senior advisors. One of them, he's actually kind of kept secret just because he has a lot of people in my industry. I used to work for HP specifically and Visual Edge Technologies, which is another tech company. But a lot of them came from that. And since they have a non compete, they have to be kind of like held quiet until they're non compete expires. But I'm definitely looking for senior advisors. That was really great. You nailed it on that since that is basically what I'm trying to do with my niche. So definitely. Thank you guys so much. Super excited to be here every other week following and they continue following you guys and best of wishes to all of you.

Thank you so much. Lexi, we wish you the best of luck. We have a new moderator who has just joined us on the stage. Polina, would you introduce yourself?

Hi everyone.

Good morning, good, good afternoon, good evening. Wherever you're located. Super excited to stop by this room today. I'm Polina Groman, I reside in New York. I've been an entrepreneur for 21 years. I'm an investor and I do a lot of things. So sales is the number one skill that you need to have. I love seeing women are much better in sales than men because they're intuitive. If you have any questions, I'm here. Ask me anything.

Amazing. I've gotten to know Paulina a little bit over the last few weeks. She is so talented, so experience. I'm really exciting. Excited to hear the value that she contributes today. So if you guys are just joining in now, you are listening to Confidence and Cocktails. We do the stream each and every Friday at 5pm we are wrapping up the stage here, but make sure you follow all the moderators on stage. Tap the bell for always so you always know when we're hosting these amazing rooms. Heather hosts rooms in here all the time. So do I, so does Paulina. So make sure you guys are following us and if you're enjoying value, ping your friends in for the last 15, 20 minutes of this room. We still have an amazing conversation going and this is also a great time to Improve your social media. What you can do is take a screenshot of this app and when you have time later today, you can tag us all here on social media and then we're going to repost and that's a great hack to grow your social media. So right now, if you guys forgot to do this already, take a screenshot of this app and then tag us when you have some downtime later and we'll definitely all reshare on our stories. So, Jani, you're up next. How can we help you?

Hi, thank you so much, first of all, for hosting this room. This is amazing. So just a little bit of background about myself. I'm an IT project manager consultant. So I'm very client facing. And you know, I'm relatively young as well. I work in the tech industry that's very male dominated. And so a lot of the times I try to speak with intent while being assertive, but also being soft spoken and having that, you know, the soft skills. Because 90% of my job is communicating and leveraging my technical resources to, to speak to the parts that I can't technically speak upon. And so one of the feedback that I actually received recently was that I was overconfident. And I wasn't really sure how to take that because I didn't even think that being too confident could come across as a bad thing. And so I just wanted to kind of get your feedback on that and see what your thoughts were and how I can navigate, kind of navigate that while being, you know, competent and continue to do my job. Well.

Jani, thanks for such a great question. I don't believe there is a thing called overconfident. I don't even know what that means.

Right.

It's like what's over nice. You can't be too nice. You can't be too confident that that doesn't. There's more to this story. So I need. Who is the person, person that said this to you?

Yeah, so it's actually my, one of my leads, I guess he's the manager that I don't report directly to him. He's a level above me. But he kind of, you know, comes to me a lot with, you know, like, what's the status of the project, how's everything going? And so I'm the one managing the project. He kind of just briefly oversees IT and comes to me for any updates that he needs that I report directly to, to our vp.

So that's not really appropriate communication from the chain of command. Right. So there's something else going on here. And again, we don't have the whole story on it. But what I would advise you to do the next time someone says something like that to you, I would ask a question back. I would say, I'm confused. I didn't know there was such a thing as overconfident. Can you elaborate? Can you give me an example? Right. You need to get to the heart of what's on going. Going on there. And John, I actually want to elicit your opinion here to hear from a senior leader, a man's perspective. Do you have any thoughts on this?

First of all, thank you for the questions. Definitely. I agree with Heather totally. And you can just. It's all about behaviors. This is what we interpret from other. You can say so So I would probe and say so what did, what did I say or do that led you to that? And also how does what you say impact my effectiveness? Because I hear some of these, some people saying they're young or whatever. Look, you are what you are. I am what I am. I can't change my age, my hair color, my losing my hair. You know, we just come in the package. We are and embrace and Heather's an expert embracing your truth. So I would. I'm with Heather on first of all, don't let that impact you at all. Let that be motivation just to keep being you. And then probe a little bit. If you choose to get with your boss. The self reflection is always good. Get with your boss on what he or she. I said he was ridiculous. Hopefully what she says. And really I feel like I've had the same feedback I've had all kinds of people hate on me, my career, but not because I'm a woman clearly just for other reasons. And usually it's what it's just about developing ourselves to be as strong as we can be is my opinion. So I'm more a best practice in sales is after each interaction. If you're in a team, you have a debrief, an after action report. What went well and what do we want to repeat and what didn't go well or what can we do to improve. So that's a forum that you can start instituting that and you can take the lead and you can actually say okay, hey, let's debrief. What do you think went well? What do you think could be improved? And you can take control of the conversation and then whatever comments this person puts, you can decide how to use it. But definitely do not interpret it as anything that you necessarily have to change. I Mean, I love how Heather talks about being a boss. If you're competent, then keep going. And it certainly sounds like you are. So that's the main thing. Competence will eventually reign, even if you have to leave an organization because politically they no longer want someone who threatens them. That's okay. Look at what you can build if you do make a change. So I know that, Heather. I hope that's perfect.

John.

I love that this is women, you guys. I don't have the lived experience. Listen to Heather. I would listen to people who've been through it as a woman. They know more than I do. And I totally defer to any of your discernment of these comments or what other people like Heather can share with you. By the way, I'm going to plug Heather's coaching program. I don't even know if you're doing it anymore. Heather, are you doing it?

Oh my gosh, you cracked me up. I'm not at the level that I was before because the speaking business has been picking up so much, but thank you.

Okay. But if anybody gets a chance to reach out to Heather and, and say, be my coach, she had an incredible coaching program going. I really support that because there's only so much that it can be shared in this form. And Heather, I just. This is my first day on Clubhouse, guys. Heather invited me. I just, I popped into a couple of rooms. I popped into this by accident. Heather put me up on the stage. I'm not supposed to be here. I mean, it's like this is the. Yeah, so all of it is like, get more of Heather. She's amazing and transfers her power and confidence in a wonderful way. So that's my last thought.

I think that's great. Thank you so much, John. And I concur. Heather is an amazing coach. She's one of my mentors. And so if you guys are interested in any of her programs, just DM her coaching and one of my team members will send you some information about her one on one coaching and her group coaching and the availability that she has now that speaking is picking up. So we'll get back to you. You could DM her coaching if you're interested in that. Jenny, something else that I want to just tell you is that it sounds like this person is trying to dim your strengths. And what I want you to realize is that when you have strengths and weaknesses, you're better off focusing on your strengths and not your weaknesses. And that's the big problem with feedback. The big problem is with feedback is that people are Going to give you and point out your weaknesses and make you feel like you need to work on your weaknesses, when in fact, you most likely will be better off focusing on your strengths. And so he's saying you're overconfident. I would be like, yeah, I'm overconfident. Actually. That's my biggest strength. And that's probably what's gonna make you super successful and super wealthy and everything like that. And don't let them dim your light in that regard. So I would just be like, that's a compliment. Thank you so much. You know, let me know to John's point, how that affects me my performance, because I feel like my confidence helps me in X, Y, Z. So if you can help me understand why this is something I actually need to work on, let me know. Because as of now, you know, I know myself well enough that the reason why I've been successful so far is because of this strength. And so I'd love to see, you know, why you think I should scale that back, because I'm not sure I'm aligned because of my track record here. And so I would maybe like, you know, stand in your power a bit about it. Um, that's my perspective.

Yeah. Thank you, everyone, so much for your feedback. It's funny, I actually had a talk with my direct report about it and just asked him, I'm like, hey, so this is the feedback that I received. Um, what are your thoughts on it? And he actually started going into this kind of monologue about, you know, you're young and you work with a lot of men, and so they might have a different perspective if you're, you know, too assertive or if you speak with intent. And so I guess to kind of wrap on my end, his feedback to me, to my question, was just to continue to do what you're doing, which, you know, I'm kind of left confused because my feedback that I received was, you're overconfident, and that may affect your work and your progress. And so I kind of just have been continuing to do what I'm doing. But I really appreciate all the feedback that I've received today. I think it was really helpful and almost solidified my personal feelings about overconfidence because I really didn't think it was a thing either. So thank you so much for that.

Yeah, it's really not a thing. There's nothing wrong with you, so don't let anybody dim your light. Jenny, I hope that, you know, you come back next week, let us know what happened. And I hope that, you know, you stand up for yourself and you make sure that nobody tries to dim your light. So, Natalie, you're up next. How can we help you?

Hi, everyone. First of all, thank you very much for bringing me on stage. I actually did not expect to come up, but thank you very much. And I just wanted to compliment you all because this room is hosted by beautiful and successful women. And I'm just like amazed by, you know, the conversations we're having here. And my question? Well, first of all, I just heard about the mentorship process programs and all that. And like, I'm kind of interested because I was mentored by a male and if I would give, like a little bit of background about me. I am a UX designer, an immigrant. I moved to the United States approximately seven years ago for school. And then life happened. I stayed. Most of the businesses I worked for were tech related or entertainment or event related. So it's like Hollywood slash companies like SpaceX, which is like weird and odd. But yeah, my life was all over the place. And what I stumbled upon is when you are in like a very dominant, you know, male environment, you kind of very often, you know, are subjectified or people would tell you, like, like what Jenny was told. You know, you're overly confident, you're this your dad, or you're supposed to behave this or that way. And I just want to ask you how to be that shark in the water, how to be, you know, that hunter in the water and like, keep your confidence and be that woman that can make it and go far. Because, you know, if people always listen to someone's opinion, I know it's not going to get us very far. But also, like, you kind of lose a little bit of yourself by hearing that feedback, especially from someone who stands higher than you. Thank you.

All I want to say to this, and I'm going to hand this to Polina, is that you need to listen to the one voice and opinion that matters in this world, and that is your own. Tune into that voice over everything else and tune out all the other noise and you might not be with your people. You will find your people keep listening to you and your intuition. Polina, you want to take this one?

Oh, absolutely, Heather. I couldn't have said that better myself. For years I listen to other people and always put other people on pedestals until I realize that I am dimming my light by doing that. You have to understand something, that just because someone has advanced, let's say, their career, it doesn't make them More qualified than you in many other areas. You have to consistently sell to yourself on the idea that you're amazing, that you are here for a reason, that you are going to influence people and you have to work on your craft, but you have to sell the idea to yourself first. You come first, you sell yourself first and then it's game over. Everything in life boils down to you versus you.

That's all I got.

Amazing. Natalie, did you find value in these responses?

Yes, I did. And thank you very much, you guys for, for hosting this room and this was incredible. I will try to come back as much as I can. And yeah, just thank you very much. I'll follow all of you on social media.

Thank you so much. We appreciate you, you know, having the courage to come here up on stage. Kinda you are the last question of today, how can we help you?

Hi, I just want to say before.

I say anything, English is not my first language so I may have some.

Trouble but I just want to share.

Because I just stepped in clubhouse couple days ago and I really want to share. I step in this room which is incredibly nice. I mean I really enjoyed listening to all the talking. So I just want to ask Heather, as a more experienced woman, I'm just 19 years old, I'm going to college, I mean I'm stepping into another community.

And actually in another country. So I just want to ask her what tips or advices you wish someone gave you as a 19 years old.

Oh, Kenda, that's such a great question. Thank you so much for asking it. So here's what I would say to my 19 year old self. You are the key. You are the answer. Stop looking for that answer from everybody surrounding you. Take bigger risks. If your intuition and your gut tell you something, go all in on it. Don't hesitate. I talked about this earlier. Speed to market is critical, right? So many of us can hold ourselves back with fear or we cloak fear and call it perfectionism or we call it someone called it. I'm a New Yorker so I can't do that. You can call it whatever you want. It's fear. Start seeing fear as a green light. That means go and go faster. Making mistakes will actually move you forward. That's a beautiful thing. That's a learning opportunity. You don't have to be the best at everything to show up. Getting a seat at the table means people want you there. Start raising your hand and contributing. You were invited to meetings for a reason. You don't have to put up with the way people treat you. You can actually teach people how to treat you. I mean, I could go on a tangent right now for forever, but I wish so badly I had me back then. So for you, the most important thing you can do is show, show up to this room and other rooms like this. Get yourself around people who are at a place that you want to be in the future. Surround yourself with great people who encourage you and are cheering you on and are lifting you up. Hala, take this one.

Yeah. So I would say it's all about mindset, right? I think when you're, you're 19 years old, I really think that you need to do a lot of mindset work. I find that the reason, reason why, like I achieved a lot more success than I think other people my age is because I really believed in myself and believed that life was limitless from a, from a pretty young age. And I've overcome a lot of failure from a pretty young age where I'm not afraid of risks and a lot of people are afraid of risks and they don't take the little, little actions. I'm not even talking about huge actions. They don't even take the little actions like those little emails where you know they're going to say yes or no. Every one of those yeses stacked upon each other will bring you towards success, right? So it's those little daily actions that people are scared to take because they don't have the right mindset. They don't realize that life is abundant and life is limitless. And so if you have any of those limiting beliefs, I would say As a young 19 year old woman, like, you know, try to listen to more self improvement podcasts, try to learn how to meditate, try to learn about the law of attraction, try to reprogram your brain so that the daily opportunities and the daily things that get thrown your way, any negativity that comes your way, it's kind of just rolling off your back and it's not a big deal and you just keep moving towards progress. I think a lot of people your age, they get scared and then that's why they go the traditional, I'm just going to get a career, I'm going to follow everybody else and then, you know, you become as successful as the risks that you take, right? And so I just think that mindset is really key at this age and that's the advice that I would give you, is to really try to have a healthy, positive mindset. Paulina, what do you think?

I think that you have to understand that at this age the most important thing is to be curious. Right? So be open to receiving different information and not relating it to yourself as if, like, if you don't understand, understand something or you're not perfect at something that you failed, be really curious. Open up your mind. There's so much abundant possibility for you because you're 19, because right now you don't have three children, you're not married. There's tons of opportunity when you are in your power of curiosity, when you are absorbing information and fail forward, definitely feel forward, because you are going to be as successful as the people that you are around. Try to surround yourself with people who think really big, who think ideas that are out of this world, because being in proximity and around those people will propel you forward more than any career. Because when you are around visionaries, you will absorb that energy and amazing opportunities will come to you as a result of that.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

It really meant a lot. I mean, especially in this time, because I was kind of adopting myself, especially for college. I mean, I choose to study architecture.

Engineering, while everyone around me go, like.

Why did you choose it?

You get to go for medicine or.

Something like, higher go for it. But it really meant a lot.

I mean, it's really.

It's really nice to speak to women.

That really encouraged you.

Thank you so much for this meeting.

Thank you so much. Kinda. And I'm so proud of you to come up here on stage. English is not your first language, but you sounded amazing. You did a great job and so appreciate you. Yeah. Having the confidence to do this. We hope to see you. Yeah, of course. We hope to see you again next week.

I learned by myself.

I mean, I. I didn't go for an institute or something, so it was really.

I was terrified.

No, you did a great job. You shouldn't be scared. You sounded totally fine. So don't be sure to raise your hand. And we hope to see you again next week. Thank you. All right, well, Heather, this concludes the Q and A segment. Do you have any last takeaways to share with the audience before we go?

Paula, thank you so much for moderating and putting this together and for recording this for the podcast. And the big takeaway and theme that I'm hearing is people just keep stepping into fear. Fear when English isn't your first language. Fear when you're the youngest in the room. Fear when you've never been on Clubhouse before. Keep stepping into fear. It's not too late. It's not too early. This is your moment. Keep showing up to places where people are encouraging you. And we'll be back here every Friday, cheering you on. Can't wait to see everybody here next week. Thank you for being here. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds.

You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.