#125: Stop Sabotaging! Find Out How to Have the Life you DESERVE With Dr. Josh Wagner

There's so much validity to having a clear vision, something that inspires you. Setting goals. Oftentimes what I see is we put the cart before the horse and people in their self development and professional development quest focus on that and don't ever acknowledge, well, what's the stuff sabotaging me? So you can have the vision board, you can have the affirmations, you can have the crystal clear goals, you can have the action plan, that's the mansion. But if it's on top of undeserving beliefs, you're trying to build a mansion on top of the swamp and, and there's going to be self sabotage.

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. Today we are sitting down with Dr. Josh Wagner, an international speaker, seminar leader, mentor, chiropractor and author who has been featured in Forbes, abc, cbs, NBC News, Good Morning Lalaland. He's the author of youf Deserve the Missing Answer to the Life youe Want. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to get into this. His undeserving belief mentality shows how people can unconsciously hinder their chances of success in their goals. Dr. Wagner, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you, Heather. Thanks for having me.

So this is crazy. I have so many questions around this. First of all, here's my first question and I apply it to myself first, right? How do I know if I have this problem? How does somebody know if it's an unconscious belief? This sounds so tricky.

Good question. Let's make it a lot simpler. So the undeserving belief, that doesn't take a lot of explanation or uncovering a lot of people when you're stuck, it could be career wise, it could be just happiness, it could be money, any area of life. If you're stuck and you're really putting effort toward that area, there's a friction, there's a if you just ask yourself, do I truly believe I deserve what I'm going for? Oftentimes you'll get that little voice in your head that says no. Or you get no voice, which is also a no, or you get a yes. And if there truly is friction, meaning you're self sabotaging, you're procrastinating. If you dig deeper, there's most likely undeserving beliefs. So instead of trying to figure out where they are, just thinking, where am I stuck in life, where am I self sabotaging when I say I want something but I'm not acting on it, or I'm acting on it, but doing the things that we all know are causing, I guess, to not get the results? So I just say, look at your life and what are you going for? You're stopped and you're really put in effort.

This is again, and I'm hammering this because I'm so confused. So I'm going to use myself as an example. Right. I was in corporate America. I was very successful. I got fired three years ago and I had to start over as an entrepreneur. It's hard, right? It's not easy when, you know, you've made the shift from being, you know, in the medicine business, being chiropractor to now, you know, being out working for yourself. That shift, it's confusing to me. Is it hard because it's a grind and to get a business off the ground is a grind, or does it mean there's undeserving beliefs that are holding me back?

Yeah, good question. So it doesn't mean that stuff shouldn't be hard like anyone who is starting a business. Yeah. Expect to work 24, 7 for the first five years for it to do really well. And if you get, you know, if it's better than that, congratulations. But that's just. You should expect that. And anyone telling you differently, be careful. There's a difference. Are you working hard and you're making progress, like Heather? I would say you're making progress. You're not stuck, you're not just scraping by. You're making progress, you're increasing, you're growing, things are going well. If you, if you're really putting in effort and time and you're not progress and you're getting beaten down and again, you just feel stuck or trapped, that's a big difference. So I'm not saying life doesn't throw curveballs at you. Life isn't tough. It takes effort and energy and all that. But are you making progress? So if you're not making progress and it's constantly emergency, nightmare, self sabotage, that's where most likely there's an undeserving belief that's just dictating what's possible for your life. And the good thing is you're not stamped undeserving. And undeserving isn't on your entire life. Every single sliver within money, there's an infinite amount of undeserving beliefs or deserving. You know, it's how much you think you deserve to make how much you have in total assets in the bank, your financial lifestyle, all of them are split up. So don't think it's something that's stamped on your forehead or genetic. You could have a deserving belief in financial security. So. So it's just being aware and acknowledging where are the undeserving beliefs and then doing something about them. Because I'm not here to just point out where people are stuck and give it a label. It's use a process that you can get in and flip the switch from undeserving to deserving or strengthen a deserving belief. So things really start moving in life.

I have to tell you that I had an epiphany moment while you were speaking when you were just describing the difference between things being hard versus having an undeserving belief. And I'm always thinking about work, right? Because as you said, first five years of being an entrepreneur is consuming. However, when you were explaining that immediately, it just hit me. I ended my engagement a year and a half ago and I'm constantly, always saying I'm too busy with work. The pandemic. I'm not going to date during a pandemic. My mind immediately went to relationship and I wasn't even thinking about that. When I've been reading about you and researching you. It's so interesting your point that look at and ask yourself that question through different aspects of your life. It doesn't have to just be work.

Right. And so Heather, I also don't want you to immediately think, oh, you have an undeserving belief in relationships. That may not be the case. Like you may fully just be. I really want to concentrate on my work right now, this year and I'm not as interested in starting a new relationship that's different than you really want to be in a, let's say romantic long term relationship. But nothing's working. Those are very different things. Now I don't know which is the case, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You're more focused on your work. But if you do notice a pattern, this is very similar for people. People where at a certain age you realize a lot of relationships end the same way. You felt one way, they felt one way, something happened. There's a lot of people just call them subconscious programming, subconscious beliefs. It's all true. When you dial it down to you don't believe you deserve to be in a great, fulfilling, long term, monogamous, romantic relationship. Well, what do you or the people you attract into your life end up doing to sabotage that. And so when you get really clear on how has my life progressed, money wise, career wise, relationship, health, weight, body, you start to see what are some recurring patterns. And if they're not working out in your favor, because you could just as much have a deserving belief. And then there's patterns that always work out in your favor. Those are already working for you. Let them run for the undeserving ones. Let's do something about it. Let's not just leave it up to chance or hoping the seventh time is going to be different than the last six times. And that's what I love sharing with people is not just pointing out this understanding, but a tool, a process, a methodology that doesn't cost a dime. You could do from the privacy of your own home. Does it take work? Does it take effort? Absolutely. But things will start to shift internally how you feel about yourself and the situation and externally when you rewire that part of the brain.

So what's the first step that we need to take?

Well, the first step before doing the process is targeting where do I need to do this? And again, it's not I'm damaged my whole life. It's, is it money? What section? What part of money? Is there fear? Is there anxiety? Is there anger? Like what are the driving emotions behind how you feel about that area of life that's not working out? Because usually if it's not working out, relationships, career, money, there's a negative emotion behind it. It's not that it's purely confidence and inspiration, but you keep not getting the position or the venture doesn't work out, there's something deeper. There's fear, there's anxiety, there's anger. There's a core emotion that you don't realize is dictating the decisions you make, the choices you make, the people you meet, how people connect with you, they feel it subconsciously or subconsciously. So the first is like your first question, how do we know where these are? Just get clear. What is stuck? Where am I putting effort, energy and attention, but it's not really progressing. Just to know where to do the process. And then the process, I outline it in the book. I have a guided audio online you can use. So we're not going to go into the mechanics of the process, but really stimulating viewers to take that step back and look from the bird's eye view, where am I stuck? Where am I self sabotaging? And I'm committed to making a change about it.

And so this all came to be from Your own life and your own realizations.

You know, adversity breeds resilience. So I grew up with the mother where nothing was ever good enough. And everything I was always pointed out what was wrong. 95 on a test. Oh, that's nice. But what about the other five? Came home. MVP trophy from the basketball tournament at 13 years old. We crushed the other team and she says, oh, I feel so bad for the other team. Nothing was ever good enough in her eyes. And then in the sports world, there was immense pressure from my father that I couldn't make a mistake. So I had this perfect storm of life. Wasn't easy growing up and there wasn't any sense of peace of mind. To me, that's what I value most. So that's why this is so important. I've dedicated my life and my career and my message to just wanting to give that to people. Like, I don't care how much money you make, if you have the relationship, I just want you to have peace of mind and whatever that looks like in your life. So, yeah, a lot of very stressful growing up. Became a chiropractor to facilitate healing and help people in that realm. And then I started seeing issues in my profession and I started helping my profession do their job better. And in that process, I realized that I can give the same exact instruction, coaching strategies to chiropractors. And some of them take it and see amazing results. And some of them self sabotage, procrastinate, don't act on it, and stay stuck. And that's where I realized, after 20 years of my own personal growth and development and consuming as much as I could find in the world, and then teaching over five years, others noticing this, understanding the undeserving belief that I haven't really seen, talked about, discussed, promoted in any way in the self development world. And it, to me, it's the foundation, it's the linchpin. So your discipline, your integrity, your commitment, your purpose, your passion, all of those are vital. But if you don't have a deserving belief, you can have all of those. And still the rug will get taken out from under you and you'll still find a way to self sabotage. So I see the deserving belief as the foundation of the pillar. And then every other success trait and characteristic is totally valid and stacks on top of it.

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I love the line that you use. You can't build a mansion on top.

Of a swamp and people in Florida like you know, can relate to that with a sink. Like I say, mansion on top of a swamp, palace on top of a sinkhole. And that's from there's so much validity to having a clear vision, something that inspires you, setting goals, absolute validity to all of that. Oftentimes what I see is we put the cart before the horse. And people in their self development and professional development quest focus on that and don't ever acknowledge, well, what's the stuff sabotaging me? So you can have the vision board, you can have the affirmations, you can have the crystal clear goals, you can have the action plan, that's the mansion. But if it's on top of undeserving beliefs, you're trying to build a mansion on top of the swamp and there's going to be self sabotage.

Wow, that visual really resonates with me because it's such a powerful analogy for what you can be doing to yourself. And it's scary to think you're accessing the secret and all of these ideas of manifesting the future that you want, you're putting the work in and you're just running in place until you get clear on that first problem. I will tell you another thing just came up in my mind when I got divorced, I went to a hypnotist. I just came to this moment where how did I end up here? I'm in charge of my life and I ended up here and I'm not happy with it. I want to start digging deeper into what is going on in some similarities in regards to what you talk about and the meditation and whatnot. But I got real benefit from that. Did you ever get into hypnosis?

It's a good question. I can think of one session I did and it was more of a trade off back when I was early on in practice as a chiropractor and we traded and it was more of a guided visualization and I didn't feel a shift. But in no way, shape or form am I knocking in or discrediting hypnotherapy. I just, I've never really dove into that realm.

One of the things that you brought up, that part of the process is being around or spending time around deserving people, people who have these deserving beliefs. How do you know to identify those people correctly? Especially where there are so many people that have that fake aur out there or want to appear a certain way, that I've got it all together. I've got the great marriage, I'm driving the nice car. But when the closer you get to them, you start seeing these things aren't adding up. It doesn't seem to be the same kind of life that I would want.

It's a great question. So before how to connect or how to make sure you're connecting just for your viewers, the understanding of like attracts like. And maybe it's a Tony Robbins quote of you're the sum of the five people you're around most in wealth, in social life and romantic life, all that we just energetically. It doesn't even mean they're teaching you or they're telling you what they do. It's just you start picking up on the people you're around the most, their qualities, their behaviors, how they tick. So that's why when you're around people who have what you want, you're more likely to think they're in the same way, make the same choices, cut out the bad habits. Now in terms of being around those people, yes. We're not on the playground anymore where we have three recesses and elementary school and we can choose who we decide to hang out with. Like we have our fixed lives, we have our, you know, we're adults. I would err on the side of less social media and really think to your personal life and sphere of all the people you've encountered growing up, who are the people now? It depends what area you're looking at, who you know have really happy, healthy like long term relationships or marriages. That's the person I would go to. Who's the person who doesn't need to have the flashy thing that represents wealth but you know, they're really sound, they're really secure. Just get, just get real and honest with yourself. If you're looking for the next social media person, it could be them, it could not be. You know, there's a lot of, it's easy to false representation. I would stick to who's in your community physically. You can call and say can I take you to have coffee or tea or take you out to lunch and maybe that develops into phone calls or more in person interactions and that's the best way to start it.

It's so true. My old boss came into town on vacation with his wife and I met up with them for dinner and I hadn't seen them in over a year and a half or whatever it's been with the pandemic and whatnot. And immediately he just goes bigger with his companies and he's been extreme successful. So immediately the conversation goes to that and I, every time I leave him thinking, oh yeah, I can do more, I can get bigger. And it definitely influences what you think is possible when you are around those people that they take it as second nature. Of course you're deserving of having a massive company and of course you should have that.

Exactly. And I have people like that in my life. And when I see a text from them, immediately my confidence goes up. My certainty, like wow, that quality of character person is messaging me. And I think of myself as having extremely high quality of character and just up to something in life and they are raising me up. And I immediately start thinking differently in the day. Like if I'm interacting with that person, that person cares about me. Why am I putting up with this stuff? Because when we're just operating from our own headspace, we deal with a lot of junk, we deal with a lot of garbage and our wiring of undeserving beliefs. When we take it from an outside perspective and realize like, hey, I'm connected to someone that doesn't put up with that, then we won't either. And you just got to start the process, reach out and how can you be gracious, acknowledging and yeah, who's not going to accept? Can I take you out to lunch? Can I have a quick phone call? Can I take you for coffee? And most people love not only talking and sharing about themselves, but contributing to others so they actually get value of knowing they're making a difference for you.

Especially in this time where people are just starting to reconnect. I feel like people are excited for the opportunity to jump on a call or interact and engage. It's actually I learned this from, I teach a class at Harvard and the professor that I work with taught me the science behind when somebody is truly being heard and they see that dopamine is released in the brain and the person just begins feeling better. So they actually lead the interaction feeling great that you were listening to them and learning from them, which is really powerful.

100% absolutely.

Do you feel that it's as important to get rid of the negative people who are mired in their own limiting beliefs? Because as I'm thinking about the positive impact that it had for me being around my boss, I'm thinking of someone who is, you know, definitely has self limiting beliefs, definitely caught. And constantly trying to pick people like that up can be very draining.

So you're absolutely right. Let's think of the process like attracts like. So there's a level of that person's in your life and in your energy and influencing you in some way, shape or form because you have a certain amount of that that resonates with it. Maybe she's at 80%, you're at 10% rather than trying to just cut them off to make you better. When you grow and build yourself up to the point where that drama, that negativity doesn't resonate with you. It's going to happen naturally. They're not going to feel comfortable around you. You're not going to be compelled to want to have a pity party with them or anything like that. So rather than cutting them off, build yourself up and it's going to naturally organically move forward. You have relationships that have gone in different directions and it was meant to be. So do I and focus on building yourself up rather than cutting off the fat. It's going to happen.

So, so true and very powerful.

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What were your thoughts on the pandemic and people being in such a negative situation, you know, how can they leverage that for advancement for them?

Well, okay, so with more people being disconnected physically and in person and socially, there's obviously a lot more eagerness or open space to be online, let's say social media. And what I highly recommend people is to realize, you probably don't realize how much compare and despair happens Every time you're scrolling, whether it's you're checking out your friends or you're just influencers, ads, everything that's on it, what is it? The social dilemma, that Netflix documentary that recently came out, you should watch that. And realizing extreme sabotaging, hormonal cascades and psychological undeserving beliefs just getting implemented from the consumption of stuff that really isn't, we don't need to know, isn't important, it's there, we think it's for entertainment or interest. And guarding yourself, so I'm not saying delete your accounts, throw it out, any of that, just guarding yourself. For instance, do you need to do it first thing in the morning? Like your mornings are precious, it sets the tone for the rest of your day, just like your childhood sets the tone for your life. If you're waking up and you're immediately checking emails, when let's all be honest, 95% of emails are stuff you don't want to see, things you have to do, people you have to respond to, it's negative, it's rarely just positive news. If you're checking emails, looking at social media, listening to the news, which is mostly negative, you're just flooding your head with negativity, compare and despair. And all this extra to do's in the day and other people's wants and intentions. Just getting into your day, eliminating that in the morning. And what do you need to fill it with? Is it something you need to read that makes you feel great and inspires? Is it meditation or prayer? Is it some sort of exercise that break a sweat? You get your body moving, it's just generally healthy principles, you know, what are you putting in your body the first thing of the day? Is it stuff that drains you or energizes you? But back to the social media, it's just being careful of how much it actually sets you up to be in a negative headspace and adding more undeserving beliefs when you're just seeing the photoshopped pictures, the humble brags, the perfect, perfect life on Instagram, Facebook, whatever you choose to choose to watch.

Well, luckily the phones fix that for us. Now, if you have an Apple phone, because my phone reports me each week, your usage this week is up or down and you have to look at the details and really dive into the data. It can be alarming. So I start cheering myself on. When it says Your usage was down 7% this week, I'm like, all right for the win. As long as I have the information, I can respond and make Better decisions from it.

Absolutely. And to make it easy, it's hard. There's a new book out. Willpower doesn't work. If you know to do something and you're planning on just doing with willpower, good luck. It's a battle. But if you set up actual structures and things physically, like you write something down, there's six times more chance it's going to happen. Calendars, appointments, like things are structured, they're more likely going to happen. So before I go to bed, I turn my phone to airplane mode. I still use it as my alarm, but when I turn my alarm off in the morning, I don't see any notifications. So I don't have to have willpower to say, oh, I'm not going to look at that. I just don't see it. And people say, oh, what if it's emergency? If you structure your life where there's not going to be emergencies, emergencies don't show up. It's the best way to put it.

Well, for everyone who's been listening, who's saying, okay, I'm raising my hand. I have undeserving beliefs and I can't build my manual on top of a swamp. Where can they go to access that recipe for success? To break these bad, unbiased or unaware subconscious beliefs?

So I give away a guided audio of me guiding you through how to do the deserving process at my website, Dr.joshwagner.com it's a free giveaway. There's also videos on just making sure you're doing it correctly. So you get the guided audio, make sure you're doing it correctly, and then I highly recommend either the audible, downloading the E version or getting the physical copy of. You deserve it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble. Amazon's usually the easiest.

Thank you so much for the work that you've done for everyone, Dr. Wagner, and thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you. Thank you, Heather, for having me and everything that you're contributing to your audience and the world.

Thank you. All right, guys, until next time. Keep creating your confidence. Grab the book, work on your subconscious beliefs, and start building the future you want. Till next time. Thank you. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.