#132: How Your Mindset Can Change EVERYTHING For You with Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seat, I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me today. Okay, this is complete insanity. I'm going to share a personal story, very, very personal story with you today about what's been happening in my life this week, which is not good. However we are dealing with it. And one of the things I noticed, I had a super stressful week, really a lot of anxiety stress, because it has to do with my son. And I'll tell you, in those moments when your life just feels like everything is going wrong, you're in shock, you're upset, and people send you emails saying, hey, why haven't you got back to me on this or that? Or a text saying, hey, I haven't heard back from you on this. The message I want to share today is this, that you never know what someone else could be going through. So try to lead with kindness anytime you reach out to people. And I'm going to remind myself of this too, instead of just sending curt emails because you just don't know what shoe could have dropped in that person's life. And if you're not hearing back from someone, you never know, it could be something really hard. So this week, as I had mentioned, my son is away at camp and it's academic camp, not some fun camp. He's not loving life. But on Wednesday, I got a phone call and it was the school nurse and he was in the emergency room and he didn't have his phone and they think his arm's broken and they had no one I could call to speak to him. I didn't know who he was with. It was such an awful situation knowing that my son is completely on the other side of the country, away from me. I can't get to him. It was dark, it was at night. I don't know who has him and there's no phone to reach him. So to say the next few hours were bad would be an understatement. It was, you know, I went on a downward spiral. I was able to get ahold of the emergency room doctor who told me that his arm was broken but that he was taking good care of him and that he would be okay. But. But I still hadn't been able to speak to my son. And of course, like any mother, I went crazy and was calling the camp 900 times emailing 900 times demanding someone give him his phone so he can speak to me. Anyways, hours later, it seemed like a lifetime later, but it was a couple of hours. He got back to camp, and they put him on the phone with me just to say hello for a moment before he had to go to bed. He was obviously very upset. And, you know, the next morning when I spoke to him, it was just heartbreaking listening to how scary it is for a kid to be alone somewhere, not have a phone, not have people that you know there to help you, to take you to an emergency room. I'm 47, and I don't want to go to an emergency room with someone I don't know. Right. You want people who love you, who support you and encourage you around you. And it was just. It was really sad. However, I will say my son handled it better than I did. I definitely. Gosh, I just never expected anything like this to happen. I never expected his health to be in jeopardy. I never expected him to have to go to an emergency room and need medical attention. It was just. It was an awful feeling of everything out of your control, and someone that it's your job to care for and keep safe, and you can't help them. It was really hard. And my son handled it incredibly well that next day and said, you know, it's not ideal, and it really hurts, and my arm's swollen, and he has to go get a cast later this week. He said, but, you know, I'm gonna be okay. He said, oh, well, remember when I broke my leg, Mom? I wonder which one's gonna be worse. He said, I think the broken leg. I had the cast on a lot longer than I'll have the cast on for this one. So he was trying to see the positives in it, which was a miracle because I couldn't even see straight for the first 24 hours, and. And then the next day, he had a really bad day, and luckily, I was starting to feel a little better, and so I was able to talk him off the ledge. But it's so important, you know, 24 hours can change so much in your life. It's insane. And the things that mattered, you know, a week before just don't seem to matter anymore. Or the way that you're feeling is so incredibly different. And to see how my son changed so much overnight. He had a bad night's sleep, of course, with the arm in a sling. It's not cast yet, and he's in so much pain, and the swelling has not Gone down. And for some reason the pain was just a lot worse. So hearing how his actual physical circumstances hadn't changed, but his mindset changed incredibly and he was really down. And so I tried to focus on the things that I do when things are going wrong, which is number one. This is temporary, right? We all know that this is temporary. It is not gonna stay this way. This too shall pass. This will change. Your arm will heal. You will out of that camp, you will see me, right? Things are gonna get better. You're not alone. And then I always try to focus on what are we looking forward to. So, you know, looking forward to almost done with camp now. Looking forward to the day that you get the cast on because you'll feel better and then off because it'll be healed and you know, so excited for you to come home and, you know, let's do a countdown. Anything to focus on where it is we're going and where we want to be instead, really staying mired in where we don't like where we currently are. That has been very helpful to me. And he wasn't really buying it that much this morning because he was having a really tough time. But luckily I got to speak to him again later in the day and his whole demeanor had changed. He had had a good talk with a friend of his and his friend was helping him carry his bags. And one of his teachers was really nice to him today and he just sounded so, so uplifted. It just really reminds me that our mindset and our attitude towards everything is what we're always in charge of. And I certainly did not do a good job this week with mine. I did a horrible job because I completely lost it and acted like a lunatic. But we are all a work in progress. So what I wanted to do today because I am so crazy for my son and so worried about my son right now is in my first book, Confidence Creator. I wrote a chapter about my son and actually something my son taught me that's really powerful. So I want to read it to you today. Okay? It's chapter one, Confidence Creator. Remind yourself, mom, can you write on my shoes? That's what my 9 year old son Dylan asked me at 6:30 in the morning before school. I was rushing around the kitchen trying to make breakfast and get his backpack before we had to fly out the door. And he's asking me to write on his shoes. What? Hurry up, we're gonna be late. I saw that he was holding out one of his basketball sneakers and a Sharpie. I knew he had a game that night but still had no idea what he was talking about. What am I writing? I want you to write you can do all things on the bottom of my shoe. I think he saw the blank look on my face. So he explained mom, no matter how good you are and no matter how talented you are, every once in a while you need to remind yourself. When you're in a tough spot, you have to remember who you are. You can't feel confident every minute of every day. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How brilliant was this? I wrote out the phrase for him in marker on the bottom of his shoes and handed it back to him. He ran off and finished packing his bag while I watched him in stunned silence. I couldn't get over what had just happened. My son taught me the importance of reminders. I literally cried. I was 41 and still struggling with confidence. It took me years to learn how to believe in myself. He was nine but he was already capable of creating a confident safety net that he could turn to for support when he needed it.

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A CRO for a radio company. Because of my job and my role in various charities, I was often required to speak in front of large groups of people at functions. But it wasn't always easy for me. I would feel nervous before I had to take the podium. I'd look out over a sea of faces who were all staring at me and I would feel doubt creep in. I would question myself. That's not a comfortable position to be in. Deep down I knew that I was capable, but there were times I found it difficult to calm my confidence. Dylan was right. We need to support ourselves during challenging moments. So after that talk with my son, I took a page from his playbook. I started to write little reminders on my shoes whenever I found myself nervous about a big speech or attending a big meeting. One month later, I was asked to speak at a charity luncheon for an organization called City Year Miami. They mentor inner city youth to give them the direction they need to get through school without dropping out. Many of those kids didn't have a support system. Many were impoverished and living in very dark places. They were just trying to get by. It wasn't easy to have confidence and trust in yourself when growing up in that environment. So one thing I wanted to stress in my speech was that those kids could learn confidence. Confidence is a skill that can be learned and not one they had to be born with. What better way to prove that than by using myself as an example? At the end of my speech, I told that story about my son and the message he wanted me to write on his basketball shoe. I brought the actual shoe up with me to the podium. I even showed everyone the message that I had wrote on the bottom of my heels that morning. The very next day, I was sitting at my desk at work when I opened up my email and saw that my mailbox was filled with messages from my friends and co workers who attended the luncheon. They had all sent me pictures of the notes they wrote on the soles of their shoes. I love me. I deserve better. I can do this. I am not alone. I the messages went on and on. The ladies really got into it. Today I write myself reminders on my computer, in my iPhone. I hide some in my clothes and around my house. I even have a picture frame that says hello gorgeous. I sometimes forget where I put them so when I come across one it will always bring a smile to my face. More importantly, those reminders have a lasting impact. We all need people who pick pick us up when we're down, but sometimes it's a job that we can do ourselves. Playing a role in our own rescue is the ultimate key. Sometimes it's as simple as having access to reminders. If you ever see me at an event, you can bet that I'll have a supportive message on the bottom of my heels. And that just reminds me that I need to send my son a text and remind him that he can do all things and he can get through this. Hang tight. We'll be right back. Meet a different guest each week.

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Okay, so I received a question on my DM on LinkedIn and if you ever have a question, shoot it to me. Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, at my website, wherever you want. Shoot me a note. Okay hey Heather, I'm in a technical accounting role and I've been trying to find ways to differentiate myself from the pack.

Good.

Good idea. That's smart to do. It's sometimes challenging to be a bright pink crayon in a black and white crayon world, but that's excellent. That's good news that you're different, right? Embrace that. Celebrate it. How can you inspire to motivate those around you to get excited about things that frankly just aren't that fun? Leadership and inspiring others to think not just about where we are, but where we could could be. This is an area that you shine in.

Thank you.

Recently I posted on an item in a Very serious reporting and the Importance of Non Financial metrics. I know it's not the most exciting of topics. No traction and no discussion on the post. Perhaps timing's everything. Maybe it's summer and people aren't checking in. I fell short of what I thought I could do with this. I'm reaching out to gain your perspective. Do you have any tips on how to promote engagement and get people excited and motivated regardless of topic or industry? Well, first of all, if something isn't exciting or interesting, it's not gonna be exciting or interesting. So you have to find an audience that will be interested in what you're posting about. That's the key. You need to post interesting stuff. And I understand what you're saying. Your financial reporting isn't interesting. But maybe your take on it and your spin is. Or maybe your personal story of how you got into the business and then highlighting parts of a certain report. You need to make it special, different and unique. You can't just post the stats. Or if you are just posting stats to educate people, make sure you're using the right hashtags. That's gonna get you to the audience of people who want to consume that type of content. Right? Think about who is your ideal avatar? Who is that ideal Target audience? How can you reach them? What hashtags are they following? And then I'd suggest creating a pod. A group of people that, that are like minded, all interested in the same kind of things and you all support one another's posts or you tag each other in the post to support one another or share, you know, be a part of a group. No one succeeds alone in this world. That includes me, that includes you. And you need to find groups of like minded people that will support you and work together to help promote your post, to help promote the conversation that you're having. But again, challenge yourself to, to test, continually test, try, innovate. Break things down and try again. Take action and take messy action and try very different approaches with this and you'll begin to figure out what works for you and what works for your audience. I am constantly testing, constantly looking at the data behind posts and conversations and emails to understand what is the right fit for my audience. And I really encourage you to do the same. There's no such thing as failing. Failing is not trying. So put yourself out there, put a unique spin on it, tell your personal story, give behind the scenes and find that right audience and your engagement will grow. Until next week. Say a prayer for my son, please. And I hope to have great news next week and report back that it's been a wonderful week and that so much has changed in one week, which I know is totally possible. And and also remember to write your note that you can do all things. I'm writing it for me and I'm going to ask my son to write it on his shoes with the one hand he has. That works right now. Until next week. Keep creating your confidence. I'll be right there with you. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.