#16: Talk Nerdy To Creativity with Jen Friel

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Each week. When you join me here, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Come on this journey with me. Hi and welcome back to Creating Confidence. I'm so happy that you're here with me today. I really appreciate you sticking with me on this journey. It sure is eventful. So this week I turned 45, which that's not a big birthday in my mind anyway, so it's fine. You know, some people have hard times with birthdays or certain birthdays are tough. For me, this is just a normal birthday and for me on birthdays I like to reflect upon the last year, talk about, you know, and look into what I'm really proud of. What would I have done differently, you know, what am I aspiring to for the next year and really garner a sense of where was I and where I am now. And I'm super proud of what I've done within my work and I've accomplished a lot in the past year. I work really hard and I take massive action and that's how I get it done. Some of the highlights are launching this show. I'm so proud and excited and the show going to the top 200 charts on Apple podcast and new and noteworthy and some of the amazing guests from, you know, Gary Vaynerchuk to Ryan Serhant to Jesse Itzler and so many more. So it's been, that part is so exciting and really has caused me to up level my game. Surrounding myself with people who are further along than I am really has helped me to see that there is greater potential out there for me, for you, for all of us to go after. So that's been huge. Teaching a class at Harvard in the past year was a major highlight. I had always held Harvard on a pedestal and I've learned to take things and people off of pedestals because we all deserve to be on equal footing. And what I learned from that experience was my unique attributes are valuable to others that might not have them. So these students have never sold or led sales teams or managed millions of dollars in revenue. I have. And so it was so cool to be able to bring my expertise, my experience to them and, and teach them about sales and real life situations instead of just textbook which they had been mastering. So it was kind of cool to see that you can really bring value in almost any situation if you show up as your authentic self and share those stories, which is what I Did. And I'm still so excited. I got to be a teacher at Harvard. Okay. So I was recently picked up by Big Speak, another speaker bureau. Um, and I. I've just been blown away. I had an amazing meeting with APB speakers the other day. I'm meeting with them again in Boston when I'm out there for hyper growth. So, you know, I've really jumped into this new world, new business, and I'm finding my way. It is not easy. I take a lot of action. I reach out to so many people and pitch myself all the time. But obviously, if success was easy, everyone would have it. I work my connections, my network, I'm on social media, DMing people, and I'm. I work hard to showcase my value and my expertise and my experience in a way that can help others do the same for them. So whenever you bring value to others, people are typically more interested in hearing what you have to say and interacting with you, which has been really helpful. And as I always say, LinkedIn has just been massive for my business and for me, and I really encourage everyone to be on there that there's just. It's unlimited potential on LinkedIn. Okay, so for some other highlights in the past year, from 44 to 45. Oh, my son graduated from elementary school, which was huge, and he started middle school two days ago. And I'm so proud of him. He loves it, and it's such a. It's a much bigger school with high school kids. And there was definitely a bit of fear and trepidation and excitement, but he really leaned into the excitement part, and he's been loving it the past few days. So hopefully this will continue because this is, like, the biggest win, because it was a ma. A major leap for him to go from a very small elementary to a really large middle school. So that's going well. And that definitely encourages me, watching him succeed, watching him jump into fear, even though as adults it might not seem like much. I know. And I remember that things like going from a small school to a huge one can be intimidating. And I'm just. I'm so proud of him. Okay. Oh, I landed my first TEDx talk from the time 44 to 45. That was a big initiative for me, and I'm so grateful for my friend Cindy Metzler that helped me to make this happen. Now, the TED talk is coming October 26th, so we're only a couple months out, and I'm working actually on the outline right now, so. So there's a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes that people don't see. In the past year I was on the Steve Harvey show, the Hallmark Channel, ktl atv. I'll tell you, getting on that Steve Harvey show, that was a year in the making. I mean, some of these things that people see on social or see wherever and they think it just happens. I'm here to tell you it doesn't. There's so much groundwork that goes on in the majority of these situations. Sometimes there is luck or, you know, great timing, but. But other times it's a lot of follow up and follow up and trying to get someone's attention and separate yourself and not giving up, never giving up. So the past year has really been amazing in so many unbelievable ways. So I'm so grateful and I'm looking forward to this next year and where do I go from here and what are those next major leaps that I can go after? I'm still chasing down Reese Witherspoon, My book confidence creator needs to become a movie to happen. I'm really leaning into the speaking portion of my business. It's definitely my superpower. I feel so fired up when I'm doing it. The feedback is phenomenal and I'm really, I'm, I'm just, I'm owning this for, for this year, for my year, 45 to 46. I'm blowing this thing up and I'm so excited about it. And there's also like anything. It's not all good, right? For sure it's not all good. As I mentioned, my parents got divorced and you know, my mother remarried someone that I haven't even met. And it's been a crazy year thus far in 2019. And in other news, you know, I noticed that the most googled thing about me is Heather Monahan, fiance. So this is a difficult topic for me because it's very recent and I haven't talked about it. And the past two months have been very hard on me personally because I am no longer engaged and that has been a long time coming. It's been, I was engaged for over two years and the last year has really been a tough one. And again, I'm talking about I'm separating business and personal. I know this is definitely about my personal life, but you know, ultimately, really, I mean, there's not too much to say other than it's been very hard. The past two months have been very, very hard. And, and in many ways this was not an easy decision to make because you don't get engaged to someone anticipating that you're going to split up. You know, just like you don't get married anticipating you're going to get divorced. So when you're, when you come to a place that you're going to make that decision, it's in many ways very hard. In some ways it's not so hard. And by that I mean, you know, after two years of being engaged, still not living together, still not having discussions about a wedding, to me, I mean, that's a major red flag, right? So you can see a red flag waiting for a while and try to ignore it, which is what I was doing. I was trying to ignore it because familiar really can be comfortable. And at some point, enough signs went off to me that said, heather, you can't ignore this anymore. And in a funny, not haha funny, but in a strange way, I was driving my son to a practice and I was in the car so much one week, this was in the summer, and I had a lot of time alone by myself with my thoughts, not able to distract myself with work or whatever. And I was thinking a lot. And in that time I was driving. I realized in many ways I was in a similar situation when I was comfortable at that job that I was in for 14 years in corporate America, and I was safe with that paycheck, but I wasn't happy and I wasn't fulfilled and I wasn't living to my potential and I wasn't growing. And I just realized in some ways I had been doing the same exact thing in this situation and I was trying to ignore something for fear of having to go out and start all over again and leave safe and familiar and how scary that is. And who wants to be single at 45? I certainly didn't, you know, and it was this tug back and forth of I'm not happy, I'm, I'm still alone. Even though I'm supposedly in a relationship, I'm supposedly engaged. I'm alone all of the time with my son. And that vision that I had had for my life and my future is having a loving family and not being alone and living together with joy and, And I'm so happy with my son. I'm so grateful for him. However, I know he wants that too, and he doesn't like that. He always is alone with just me, you know, and it's, I'm sure there's. Sometimes he does like it, but there are times where he says, oh, let's go meet up with some other people. And it's, it's just, it's tough being a single mom. For anyone that's single out there with a child, you know, it's, there are moments where it's tough. Like this year, Mother's Day, we had planned a dinner with all my friends and their husbands and, you know, it ended up just being me and my son at that dinner. And it was, in my eyes, it was so hard to sit there knowing my son sees that too. And it's just, it was very hard. So it really, you know, ultimately having my son ask me, mom, when are we going to live together like a family? Mom, when are you going to be married? It's been a really long time and, and realizing it's not something I can just ignore anymore, even though I wanted to because I was so scared to do it. And it's not, again, it's not been easy. So I appreciate your support. I appreciate, you know, you're continuing to support me and encourage me because the past two months have been really, really difficult and trying and scary and hard. And it was funny for the first time in a long time when I was in my 20s, when I would get stressed out, I would break out in a rash. And that happened to me for the first time and I don't even know, maybe like 20 years and finding myself short of breath because I, I'm just stressed out. So I've really had to work on my breathing, letting go of fear, stepping into fear, remembering that fear is a green light, and trying to relate this in some ways back to when I got fired. And that part strangely has actually helped me because I built a 30 day plan and I lowered expectations on myself and I started writing down positive things that were happening for me. And I also, and I learned this from Amy Morin, who was on the show recently. I used to just make myself so busy with work so I could ignore whatever it was that was happening in my life. And this time I, I took her advice and I kind of stepped into the sadness and, and the past two months I've really tried to sit with the sadness and I'm hoping, you know, she is a doctor and she told me that that would really help. So I'm hoping that this will help me move through the sadness and move on to my potential and the vision that I have for my life and my future. And I'm hoping the same for you. So whatever it is that you're dealing with, no, you are not alone. And no, everyone doesn't see everything that's happening in anyone's life on social media or elsewhere. So. Okay, now today I'm so excited for you to meet my guest. Of course, another amazing guest. But before we get to that, you know, I'm a LinkedIn girl. I've got to jump right into this because hiring is not easy, and there's so many options out there for when you want to hire someone. In the old days, it was put an ad in the paper or run an ad on radio. That was my old business, by the way. But today, why wouldn't you go to where everyone goes for business? You know, I'm there every single day. LinkedIn is my space. But if you want to hire someone, you need to go to LinkedIn. Hundreds of millions of people are there every day, and they're talking about business. They're looking for opportunities, and they want to connect. There's over 600 million members that are visiting LinkedIn to make connections and grow as professionals and discover job opportunities. That's how they make sure your job post gets in front of these people with the right hard skills and soft skills that you need to meet the role requirements that you're looking for. Things like collaboration, work ethic, adaptability. LinkedIn does the legwork to match you to the most qualified candidates so you can focus on hiring a person that will transform your business. A hire is made every eight seconds on LinkedIn. Wow. Get in the game. So with LinkedIn jobs, you can pay what you want. And the first $50, it's on them right now. Just visit LinkedIn.com confidence again. That's LinkedIn.com confidence to get $50 off.

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Hi and welcome back. I'm really excited for you to meet my next guest, Jen Friel. She's Chief Marketing Officer for Drop In Ink and is better known for her website Talk Nerdy to Me Lover where she documented crashing the 2010 Grammy Awards. Very ballsy. Dancing on stage with Prince. Epic Accidentally. I like this accidentally. Going out on over 103 dates in nine months. We're have to dig into that. And bartering social media to live for a year. Getting to 12 states with $10 to her name. This is insane. Friel's blog has been previously optioned twice by Jerry Bruckenheimer, I hope I said that correctly. And was purchased by CBS in a four way bidding war between abc, NBC and fox. She's also appeared as an entrepreneur on cnbc, the West Texas Investors Club, alongside her new business partners, Rooster McConaughey. Again, I'm butchering these. And Butch Gilman and Gil Prather. So wow, that is very, very impressive. Thank you for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it.

Okay, so let's get. First of all, we need to get into so many different things here. Let's start with how we got connected.

Oh yeah, so it was great. Actually about three weeks to a month ago I cold called Jerry Bruckheimer to kind of represent what I had done with Talk Nerdy to Me. So it sold in a four way bidding war previously as a put pilot. But in the pilot season of 2016, Les Moonvees passed and picked the great indoors instead of Talk Nerdy to Me. So it was actually kind of a blessing in disguise. I just didn't know that at the time. So I got my life rights, trademarks and intellectual property back.

So first your life, right?

Yeah, the rights to my life story.

That's insane. I mean, so you're essentially selling that. You'll never do anything else with your own Life. No.

And this is how my attorney explained it to me. So basically it's everything like up until that point, because you can't really like, you know, predict what's gonna happen in the future. So that's why when Talk Nerdy Me was first being developed and whatnot. One, I was living on an island in Islamorada in the Florida Keys, so I had zero involvement in it. And then two, I actually started a second blog because I'm a writer till I die. So my last day on earth will be with a nice bottle of wine, my dog and, or maybe spouse and my blog.

I like that you're predicting that.

Yeah, it's just, that's how it's going to be. And so, yeah, so it was really important for me to still continue the craft and still continue writing. But when I went to redevelop it, everyone kept pushing for me to do it. And you can't as a writer, just decide to write television. So I got really lucky. I met this wonderful woman named Heather Rutman, who's so badass and got such an amazing tone to her and sass. And she's already had a successful show. So we worked on it. And so I don't know why this didn't occur to me previously. I don't have representation, I only have an attorney. But I was just sitting there going like, why don't I just pick up the phone and call Bruckheimer? I was like, he gave me two checks. I was like, why haven't I called him? And so I literally the next day.

Because maybe most people are intimidated, but.

See, that's the point. Like I, it's not that I'm not, I don't view fear, I guess in the same way that most people do. And I've actually only discovered that very recently because people, I was surprised, actually. I know we were talking on our way in about your views on LinkedIn. I was actually super surprised about how many views that that post got because to me, it wasn't about like any sort of fear or intimidation. It was. I was so proud of what we packaged. I'm so proud to put my name on it. And it was just like, well, why didn't this occur to me previously? So it was, it was amazing. And then in the weeks after though, it was kind of crazy because, you know, right after you do it, then it sinks in what I just did that, you know, he said, you know, I'll read your script. And I'm like, I'm a first time producer. Like, I'M representing something that, you know, these people purchased previously and I'm like, so I was basically sick to my stomach for about two days after that and then. But it was wild because, you know, in 7,500 blog posts I've never once felt really vulnerable in terms of my writing because it's always been matter of fact. And this is what I'm saying. And for the first time I was so vulnerable and it was really beautiful, even though it's technically not my writing because it was, you know, through this other writer. But I just know the impact of the story and how kind of cool it is and and I'm really proud of it. So that's how we got connected was through that LinkedIn post and through that gentleman who is like, the story is so cool. I really want to help you and so thank you Daniel, wherever you are. If you are listening, I'm very appreciative.

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It's such social media is such a crazy phenomenon because you created the content which obviously started a domino effect. This gentleman connected you and I because he thought you'd be a great fit for my show. And just out of wanting to connect people, he wanted nothing in return.

Literally nothing in return. I'm trying to give him something in return. So Daniel, please let me help you. Yeah, he's amazing.

He's just out there doing good. And as you said, it's not just with me. He's connected you to a number of he felt so compelled and driven around your message, which is so cool.

And I think that's what is so great about this kind of life experience too is the script happens to be about when I called myself a DIY dom, a do it yourself dominatrix. My sparkly shoes that I'm wearing right now are actually a gift from a slave. So it was about. It's very true and I love when people ask me that. They comment on their shoes and I'm like oh, they're from my slave. And they don't know what to say or how to respond. It makes me laugh every time because I'm so twisted. But it was really about kind of going from that shy feeling powerless in terms of, you know, being a nerd and always being really smart but not really understanding the social components of it and not understanding like how to use intelligence to sort of, you know, better myself, truly. So, yeah, so I just remember, you know, reading the script for the last time, just being like, with such a smile on my face. I was like, this is it. If it sells, great. If it doesn't, okay, cool. But I at least know that this is the story that, you know, I want people to hear.

But you ended up with a bidding war.

Ended up with a bidding war, yeah. I was really lucky. It was. It was actually sold again. I was on an island when it happened, but Bruckheimer optioned my life rights, trademarks and intellectual property twice. And then I had kind of done this before previously with Mary Parent, who's amazing and had been taken general after general, which I don't know if your audience is familiar, but that's when you literally just take general meetings with any sort of producer, showrunner, any sort of entertainment exec to see if they want to develop something around you. So I'd spent years just getting my hopes up. Sold show to mtv, never made air. Sold the show to the History Channel, never made air. So, like, I have had all these quote unquote successes, but it didn't really feel that way to me because I was just kind of like, okay, well, I just don't understand what's gonna happen. Like, where is this going next? What's going on? And so there I was on this island, not even thinking about it, as crazy as that sounds, not even knowing that the pilot was even up for any sort of consideration. I was at a Celebration of Life. And that's when I found out that it sold to NBC at first. And I was just like. I started crying so hysterically and it's so awkward. I'm at the Celebration of Life, and I'm like, like, this doesn't need to be about me right now. It was about for my ex boyfriend's father, but I was there to help him. And even though we had already broken up, I was there to help the family. And so they were over the moon. So we turned it into a celebration, actually. And for. As strange as all that life experience.

Was, so there was a tremendous amount of failure that led up to your success.

Yeah, but I think that's the point. I think most people sit there and view it as failure and probably, like, judge themselves for it. And I just view everything as like, oh, wow, okay, so now I know how to negotiate this better. Okay, well, now I know that from this life experience. Okay, great. Make sure I befriend all the entertainment executives or Whatever that means. I take from everything, one skill set. That's why my life seems so random. But it kind of makes sense for me because I take one element or one thing and then I just kind of combine it all together and then use that for whatever I'm doing moving forward. I don't beat myself up when I quote, unquote, fail because it's not a failure.

That's so confident. That's so right on. I mean, that's exactly what we all want to do. I wish I was like that because unfortunately I'm not. I definitely beat myself up. So I need to figure that how do you know to do that? Or how are you able to be disciplined and continually doing it?

I mean, I think it's exactly that. That's, that's a good point. It's the discipline. Because I wasn't always that way, for sure. I just think by writing and documenting so much of my life for so long, I mean, I talked about how I had an affair with a married man. I talked about every bad date on the planet. Like, it wasn't just, hey, I'm cute, I'm in la, I call myself a nerd, let's do this. Like, no, I walked the walk and talked the talk and built everything myself. And so again, it's not just the good, the bad, the ugly, it's everything. And I think that's. Now that level of discipline has sort of brought me into this next space of like, if I were my 6 year old self, I wouldn't berate me for doing something wrong. Like, I would say, okay, well, what did you learn? You know, what would you do differently next time? And then, you know, maybe have, you know, go out with my friends to have some fun and shake it off and then you just move on. But instead, like, telling yourself that narrative then brings it into the future in your present, and then that ends up becoming, you know, whatever your next step is, you're bringing that failure with you. Failure doesn't belong to you. It's baggage. But you have to accept that it occurred.

So you know what I take away from that is, is this working for you? If you're beating yourself up all the time, you know, from your failures and feeling really low, is that working? No, this is what I say to myself anyways, as I say, this doesn't seem to be working for me. Why don't I try the opposite way? Which is, you know, hey, okay, we gotta pick ourselves back up and this time we're gonna do it differently. And this time it's gonna work, or, you know, whatever self talk. But you used a good example, which is talking to your younger self. So I always say, for me, it's talking to my son. I would never. My son lost the race for president this year in school. No, it's okay. He won every year leading up to them. So, you know, you gotta face some failure. And what he learned was when he went home, he felt really bad about himself. Cause he had anticipated winning and I.

Thought that was cool.

I'm like, you should anticipate winning because we want to manifest that future and vision we have for ourselves. However we can say, okay, it didn't work out, but you know what, I'm sure there's something else that's going to happen this year that'll be great. And he said, well, I can play basketball more now, you know. So it's like, I think just like putting that to work for you, treating it as the way you would have a conversation with a child is really helpful.

Absolutely. And recently, one of the impetuses of actually even calling Bruckheimer was the writer has representation. Or technically she did. But the ATA and WGA split meant that all the writers had to fire their agents. So, yeah, so here I am, the first time actually taking out a pilot, like sitting in the room, we have interests, this, that, and the other thing. And I'm just sitting there going like, are you kidding me? Like, I have come this far. Like nothing and no one is going to take this away from me. Developing that pilot while having a startup and doing all the other things is like, I don't even know how it got done so quickly. Even though 19 months seems like it's forever. When I said that to people, they're like, how did you give us a full script in 19 months? But that's how hard I was working. And so when it happened, I was just like, I was angry and confused and like, well, how long is this gonna last? And this, that and the other thing. And so I literally went into a stage where I was like, self care. So I take one day to spend by a pool. I, you know, stopped going to the gym for a bit. I was like, why? Why did I do that?

Let's.

Let's reamp and get unlimited membership. So now I'm gonna be angry at how many spin classes I'm taking. Just keep going with it. And it was just amazing because with that just came this extreme clarity of exactly what my next step was. So I feel like even depression, similar to failure is like, it means that you need to go in a bit of recovery. And I don't view it as something negative. I don't view it as this big boss battle that I have to fight because I'm a failure. It's like, no, I've been going through some stuff and I just need to catch my breath. It's like when you work out and your muscles are recovering, it's the same thing, but it's for your head.

It's such a good analogy. I think you would agree with me that being right is so satisfying. And with the great courses. Plus, you can always be the one with the right answer. This streaming service is priceless. It's a source of knowledge on any and every topic you can fathom. Unlimited access to thousands of lectures. Explore anything and everything from the history of the American west to the solar system to romantic views in Italy or even self defense. With reliable in depth information from professors and experts who have won awards for their ability to teach. They have unique perspectives you never even thought of before. I recommend checking out the course Outsmart Brain Based Strategies for a better you. You get to learn how your brain works and how it works for you or how it works against you. It's a deep dive course to hack into the automatic systems behind procrast depression, unhealthy eating and more Amazing tips and tricks that will blow you away and give you a leg up in life. Know the right answers. Start learning with the great course. Plus today I've worked out a special offer for you. A full free month of unlimited access. But you must sign up today and you gotta use my URL to get it. So start your free month right now. Sign up@thethegreatcoursesplus.com confidence. That's thegreatcoursesplus.com Confidence. You will definitely thank me for this one. So you're a really creative person. How do you tap into that creativity? Because I think a lot of people, myself included, will sometimes put ourselves in that lane that, oh, I'm not creative. I don't have that within me.

Yeah, I don't know, I'm really weird. I've just always been like, seriously, I was 18 months old talking like a 4 year old. So my parents put me in school super early. Like when I was in sixth grade my mom got me print shop. I just posted this on Facebook. Actually my parents got me print shop. I begged them for it. And my first instinct was to create arrest posters for them. You know, wanted for child abuse with pictures of my parents and like it's really. It's like wanted dead or alive, whichever comes first. But it's like super perky, bright yellow. Like, I don't know, I'm just a weird person. And, like, my creativity comes out in, like, costumes, for example. Like, I love going, like, all out in terms of costumes and like, like adopting characters, and then that helps me with writing. And it's just kind of all fuels into it. But in terms of tapping into it directly, you have to create that discipline. So for Talk Nerdy, for over about seven years, we average five blog posts a day, so that's how so many of them are on there. I managed 75 writers, so it was intense. And, like, I wouldn't go anything more than, like, less than 24 hours without either publishing a tweet, being active in social media, or having a blog post. And then if I wasn't, people would be like, where is she? What's going on? So that's how devoted I was to what I was building. And now I definitely have a different perspective in terms of balance. But it gave me that creative discipline to now, like, at any moment be able to write because that's. I can go in a headspace of putting on headphones, being in a zone, sitting really awkwardly in my chair, because that's how I like to write, and just. Just hammering it out. But it's discipline.

To get in that zone is the best feeling, though, when you're able to get there. That's such a phenomenal feeling. And I do believe everyone has creativity and that uniqueness within them. It's just tapping into it and taking the time, like you said, you know, really becoming disciplined about it, to discover it. That's. That's really amazing. So your life is so bizarre. We ended up on a phone call together, I guess, a month ago, and I'd love for you to share that story, where you were and what happened.

So I was, obviously, I've lived in LA. I was here for almost 10 years. I was on the island for two and a half. I've been back for almost for. So, yeah, as a Los Angeleno, I can honestly say I did not expect to be in Amish country, but I was in Amish country. I just hung out at the coolest petting zoo I've ever been to. It's called Dutch Country Creek Petting Zoo. So look it up on Yelp if you ever get a chance, because you're in Indiana and Amish country. I didn't even know there was an Amish country in Indiana, but there Is. And so I was at this Mexican restaurant. I was there for my startup drop in, so. So we do use live video for automotive and insurance industries. So we were meeting with a big RV dealer out there for onboarding.

Of course, you do. Like, that all leads together. Of course. It's so bizarre.

All of this makes perfect sense, obviously. And so I was with my colleague Heather, and we just wanted to go out for dinner, and I was like, let's go. There was a big billboard for margaritas at this Mexican restaurant. I was like, let's just go there. We'll figure it out and kind of find something fun to do. And so we're sitting there, and the waitress comes up, and she goes, it's about to get wild in here. And we just kind of looked over, and I just saw all the buggies pulling up, and I couldn't tell if she was, like, being serious with, like, the whole getting wild thing. So, like, I tweeted that out, and. And there I was having dinner with 18 different Amish people. They were at the table directly next to us. And then I had a timer on my phone for our phone call. So I was like, heather, I was like, you know, I'll be right back. I just got to go take this call. So then we were on the phone for no less than two minutes when I got a call from the executive I was dealing with at Jerry Bruckheimer's company. So I literally looked down at the phone, and I saw his name, and I'm just like, I'm so sorry to do this. I have to go. And there I had one of the coolest phone calls of my life. But it happened personally. And normally in Hollywood, once you introduce an attorney, because when I submitted the script, it had to go through an attorney. There's, like, a legal process behind it. So I just assumed I would hear from my attorney. I did not expect to receive a personal phone call. And so to say I was over the moon is an understatement.

And just randomly, you were an Amish country. I mean, the whole thing is so bizarre to me.

But that was the, like, the funniest thing is that one, obviously, you can't make this up. But then I'm, like, trying to not be rude to either to you or to him, because I was just like. He's like, hey, how are you? How are things going? I was like, I'm in Amish country right now, and, like, you don't want to, like, announce it? Because I don't want to, like, offend these 18 other Amish people that look like they could totally kick my butt if they ever so wanted to. And so, yeah, so it just, it added to kind of the insanity of this story and just how cool it is that, you know, I think I can plan things to a certain degree, but I really can't. And so it's my job to just keep going in whatever it is that I'm doing and know that in my heart, as long as I'm pushing and putting myself out there. It comes back to you.

When you were a little kid, what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

I wanted to work well, I started typing when I was 2. I had my first computer company when I was 8. So I knew I could be like, in tech. Yeah, well, I failed at lemonade stands. I've always been an entrepreneur. I used to look at my mom's earrings and like take paper clips and unfold them and then make drawings on them so they looked like these little earrings. And I would try and sell them for like $5 or something. Insane. Not really understanding that. That was a lot for that. And so, yeah, I just always kind of been this person. My mom's an entrepreneur, my father's an attorney, but I always loved entertainment as well. I wanted to be Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell, but there wasn't really. I didn't know what the term producer was. I had done a lot of high school plays. I had written some and directed some in, like, smaller, you know, things in class. But I didn't understand that I was a natural born producer and sort of director. That it's like the combination of people skills and having a creative vision and knowing how to get stuff done. So there wasn't really a term for, I guess from my understanding that when I was younger, but now it's so cool watching tech and media just blend and to have a background in it when, you know, starting in 2007 is insane. I worked for one of the founders of MySpace. I launched his startup. So I was. I've literally been an OG since, you know, I didn't even know what subscribers were and I had 600,000 of them. So it's like, it's crazy, but you don't understand what's happening because I didn't have a way to like quantify what these views were. I remember one video I published right out the gate within like two minutes, had over 5,000 views. And I was so confused by that. I called, I was like, I think there's Something wrong with, like, your back end. And they're like, jen, your video is just doing very well. I was, like, so kind of fascinated by it, so it's been great. But I'm an engineer in my heart and I like to build things. So I do that creatively. And that's kind of part of the fun for me.

You are so unique, is what I will tell you.

Thank you.

You totally are. And you own it, which is why I think you become so successful the more you step into who you really are and, you know, whatever that is, quirkiness or anything that makes you that much greater.

But. And that's the point too. It's. And thank you. Thank you for that first and foremost. But I feel like that's kind of the coolest part too, is learning to. You know, when I was younger, for example, when I would go out on dates with guys, I would hide my intelligence because they just wanted, like, the super cute chick. And then I was like, then that didn't get me very far. It got me a great.

The wrong guy.

Yeah, it got me a great first boyfriend. But I'd sit there and wanna talk tech. And that was right when social media was happening. And he's like, just not into it. So I was like, okay, change it. So I've constantly just been evolving as a person. And it's weird because once you dilute aspects of yourself, you don't always know that you're dilut. So it's been like a decade of this discovery of, like, of course I'm gonna wear costumes on a Saturday just to walk into a bar. Cause why not? I'm not even doing it for attention. I don't care for any of that. I do it just because I like kind of the social element of messing with people and it's fun. And then you almost guilt people into not being in costumes. So it's such a weird. But I'm like, this is just who I am. This is what I like to do. And so it works for me. But now there's such an insane level of confidence and fulfillment and also too extreme gratitude. Not like in the hashtag blessed way, but like, I wouldn't be here literally if it weren't for Daniel. And I wouldn't be here literally if it weren't for all these amazing people that have helped me along the way.

But you also put yourself out there and that's how you meet and connect to these people. Because I'll hear a lot of times from people, oh, she's just lucky. Or Whatever. You know, people come up with their reasons why someone gets success. No, you cold call these people. You. You create content. You. You're extremely vulnerable. You take chances knowing haters can come, knowing there's going to be, you know, fingers pointing at you and other people that are sitting in their safe little room at home, you know, they're not taking those chances. And that's how you create the opportunity.

But see, that's the point. And coming back to what we're saying earlier in terms of failure, staying in that safe space, staying in that, you know, that zone, whatever that is for you, whether that's literally like a room in your house or whatever that means, that's failure. Not. Not doing something, not taking any sort of action. And even if the action is, is, hey, I need some rest today. Okay, well, then you're at least getting rest so that you're gonna be better the next day. You know what I mean? That lack of just any sort of motion or movement or anything like that, that's what failure is. But then it's hilarious because if you stay in the same place for too long, your body will just liquefy into the chair. So you're really like, there's no.

You're screwed.

Yeah. Either way, it depends upon how you look at it.

So when in your life, when you look back across your entire life, when was the moment that you felt your least confident?

Oh, that's such a good question. When was the moment that I felt the least confident? Oh, actually, it was when I got everything that I thought that I wanted. So this is super interesting. So when I started talk nerdy, I had no idea that I was going to be this, like, crazy adventure person. And I didn't know about influencer marketing, obviously, there was no term for it, but I had been a model and had done, you know, obviously working with live video. So I was like, okay, great. I'm just going to combine those elements and, like, wear clothing. And I was part of the Fiesta move. It's a Ford, gave me a car. And so I just had all these, like, different kind of steps along the way. But I was always just, like in the back of my head, like, at any given moment, I'll just get a job and this will be my resume. Like, I didn't necessarily mean for it to turn into something bigger, but I saw that it was. And I was like, okay, this is cool. It's a little weird, but let's just go for it and keep going. And. But then I got everything I wanted. I was really focused on getting something to trend organically on Twitter because It was, like, $250,000 at the time to, like, pay for, like, a sponsored, you know, promotion. And I was like, well, I wonder what their algorithm is. And I'm always testing things. Come to find out they actually don't have an algorithm. It's a manual pushout. But I thought that that was actually really cool. So I was working with this company called Iola, which is now owned by WeWork, and they were hosting the Tech for Obama event. So I got pulled in to, like, run the sort of, you know, the social media for it. And so not only that evening did I become top influencer. We trended organically on Twitter. We had, like, 1.28 million impressions. My account alone had, like, 357,000 of those. Something crazy. It was just insane. It was awesome. But it totally worked, and it was great. I got to meet Sharon Lawrence. I was back at Hill Harper's house. Like, everybody thought this was just such an epic win. And then I was taking the city bus at the time because I was still bartering. And so on my way home, I called this guy that I was interested in, and he couldn't get together. Then I went to go over and play Street Fighter over at the Surly Goat on Santa Monica Boulevard, and the machine was shut down, and I was just like, this is it. This is, like, the greatest night of my life. I executed my goal. Like, I love Sharon Lawrence. I'm obsessed with her. So getting to meet her and for her to be like, you should monetize your eggs. You were bred to barter was such an interesting thing to say, but I loved her for it. She just thought my brain, she's like, you can monetize your eggs and, like, make a lot of money doing that. I was like, I think I'm okay. Thank you. I took it as a very high compliment. And. And so there I was. And, you know, watching all this come to life and then not having anyone to share it with was like, well, why am I doing all of this? What am I doing this for if it's not for me? At the end of the day, it's like I sort of started to play into my own character that I didn't know I was creating, and I hadn't checked back in with my own self. And so for six months, I went through yet another depression because I was like, what am I doing this for? What am I doing this for? Why am I here? And then Oprah's love ambassador hired me to market the search that she was doing for this particular gentleman and I wound up costing myself the job because he we fell in love and so he had to live in an income tax free state. So I ghosted my blog, I ghosted Los Angeles and I moved to an.

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Wow. Because I did, I was like, then I executed my goal. If all of this was for, you know, finding someone, which is, which was hugely part of it, that's why I created the hashtag nerds unite because I wanted to like, unite nerds, meet, meet up with people. And obviously dating was something I was so bad at that I just wanted to get better and wanted to, to improve myself. So I viewed it as, I've executed my goal. I'm good. And so I had the book deals, the countless people, TV shows, all that. And I still entertained it for a bit. I'm not stupid, but it just wasn't me. And I would sit in those meetings talking about stuff I did years ago and I was just like, this just isn't me right now. And I needed to focus on what it felt like to jump off a roof into a canal, like go fishing. I love to fish, you know.

But weren't you afraid during that? Because to me, what I'm thinking, I put myself in your shoes. I would be afraid that opportunity wouldn't be there when I came back. This is how I've lived my life is. Yeah, I Might have felt like, wow, I'd like to go take a break right now. But I would be driven by fear that, what if I can't? Somebody takes my spot or I can't get back to that meeting again.

See, that probably would have been the logical thing. And you're 100% right. And I'm sure that's probably why I'm so weird and different. I viewed it as if my self isn't complete. If I don't feel that level of fulfillment, then I'm being a caricature of who I actually am. So I'm actually doing it as a disservice to myself. It was utterly insane. And I knew what I was doing. I was like, who ghosts a blog? And mind you, we had broken up at this point, the gentleman and I. And I stayed on the island. I got my own place. I'm standing there in my kitchen and I get an email. Not even a call from my agents. I get an email. I love that because now I can, like, screenshot everything, and they're amazing. I'm so lucky. But, like, I get this email saying, hey, Jen, you know, any plans for fourth of July? Hadn't talked to them in, like, six months or however long it had been, and walked away from the book deals that they were working on and this, that, and the other thing. And I was just like, they're like, yeah, is your blog for sale by any chance? Because Warner Brothers and Jerry Bruckheimer would like to option it. And you're just like, crying in your kitchen over a broken heart, then reading this, going, like, dramatic cliches actually exist in life. And that was one of the first things that I said after I cold called the executive that I spoke to. I said to him, I said, first of all, thank you for changing my life. Because no matter what, I can walk into a room and say, jerry Bruckheimer bought my life rights twice, so that's already winning. But I said, it really is. And I was like. And thank you for, like, allowing me to understand that dramatic cliches exist in life. That I feel like, not that I was looking for a reward, but by focusing on myself and focusing more on who I really was and how that was evolving was so important at that time. And I feel like that's why the universe, you know, potentially said, oh, hey, you're doing this. You're at this place now. Now you're actually ready to receive this. Because before I was so. I was so in my own head and, like, I was on an island with 4,000 people. So I couldn't talk about tech, I couldn't talk about pop culture. I had to learn who I was as a person, not a Persona. And so I needed just like a beat to collect myself. But then it was so hilarious because it was even better than what I had on the table previously without even realizing it. And so you can't. That's what I'm saying. You can't plan certain things in life. But I know to follow that guiding force in my gut, even when my stomach's upset. That's actually when I know I'm doing something really scary because I literally get sick to my stomach. And it just all kind of happened from there. But it's been really cool because I've been so honest when people are like, well, what happened with the first pilot? And I'm like, I had zero involvement. I was on an island. And then they're like, wait, what?

It's amazing that you walked away. But I like what you said. Because you walked away, you were really able to find yourself and your intuition and your everything, your being. And in that moment is when the real opportunity came. You had to go through that to get there.

Absolutely. And it was just so awesome too, because I built an app when I was on the island. It was just a glorified proof of concept, but I saw the way that people received information was still through a newspaper every Wednesday. And I was like, I want to help my community. I didn't know I was such a community person until I lived in such an insanely small town and saw how fulfilling and rewarding that was. So I was like, I'm going to help them. And I wound up pitching it on a CNBC show. I got the investment and then I sold it. And so I'm really lucky with that. But it's just been a whole series of things that now, with a background, technically with a tech exit under my belt, and now working with a startup that changes kind of the conversation in terms of what I'm able to bring to the table now that it's not just necessarily, you know, here's my script. It's like, oh, no, this is what I've been working on. This is what I'm doing. Here are the ways that this is changing. You know, whether storytelling or whatever, it's just always something weird and random. But now I'm more of a well rounded individual that I'm bringing that to the table. But I had to do that myself. I couldn't. I couldn't have someone tell me Oh, I needed to go and do this. I needed to figure out what that meant for me and then bring it back.

So where is this adventure going next?

I have no idea, actually. It's so funny. I'm taking a vacation next week, which I'm very excited about. I'm going away with my mom and basically, like, my second mom and my older sister, who I haven't seen in, like, 17 years. Wow. Yeah. Like, and it's so crazy right now because even on my calendar, it's like, some of the coolest and biggest opportunities I've ever had. And I'm like, yeah. But I'm also exhausted. Right. And I know that if I go into a meeting and if I go into the space, like, I'm not gonna be myself. I'm not gonna be as with it. I'm not. Like, you have to make sure that your cup. You're only giving when your cup is overflowing. And right now, it's all been great, but I'm just like, whoa, I need a minute to sit on a beach and just stare at the ocean and kind of regroup before I know that I can really deliver on what I say I'm delivering.

Wow, you've really learned to make yourself a priority, and that's so powerful.

Yeah, you have. Because no one does it for you.

No one will.

Of course not. And they'll just take and take and take and take. And it's like, you know, but. But it's so interesting because that's one of the things that I always respect about super successful people, is that you can. You can almost feel it when you're in the room with them that, like, their boundaries are just of a certain way, that their time is precious, that, you know, all of these other factors. But they. They're the ones who set that standard. They're the ones who set the table and allowed people to come to it versus the other way around. And that's what I feel like is so cool and so interesting because, you know, some of these executives I've had access to, I literally have their, like, cell phone numbers and, like, direct email.

And I'm like, I don't have to.

Go through an assistant. I have to do this. Like, no, you're important. You know what I mean? Like, but they. But then obviously I don't bombard them either. So there's that fine line, but you know what I mean? But then when I do call, it's like, oh, wow. Like, I had never spoken to those executives previously. They were probably like, why is she calling us?

This is interesting.

Like, I don't know why I never called them. I never. I've never even had lunch with my agents. I don't know why I hadn't, but I just. I hadn't. So it's. Which is get insane because. Cause continued. Considered the largest. Yeah. Entertainment. Like, I signed with the biggest. And I. Yeah. I don't know why I do the things that I do. It's illogical, but it's completely logical to me.

It's so great because you just. You live fearlessly is what I would say.

Thank you.

And that's what held me back forever in my career, in my life. And I see that hold so many people back. So I really appreciate what you said. Failure is when you're sitting somewhere feeling comfortable and safe.

Absolutely. And it's hard too, because even recently I'm like, wow, I've been back in LA for four years. Have I, like, executed the goals that I wanted? I. Constantly putting myself in check. And it's not always the answer. And sometimes it's like, no, my apartment needs to need to change. It's always like, there's always kind of something that I'm like, all right, you know, well, this makes me really nervous. And that's actually the one thing that I always know to go to is anytime I'm like, oh, I can't do that, or I'm terrified of this. Last year, it was Burning Man. I had full blown panic attacks before I went to Burning Man. I came back a different person in the best way ever. But I was legitimately having panic attacks and just couldn't stop freaking out over how illogical that seemed to me. I was like, how do I get in? How do I get out? You know, after bartering and couch surfing, I can climb all these fences. I know how to, like, do so many weird and random things. But Burning man was terrifying for my brain just because I couldn't. I couldn't wrap myself around it. And so it wound up being such a great vacation. It was exactly what I needed. But it was that fear that was like, oh, no, now I have to go. Because I'm actually as afraid of something. So that's the first thing I'm doing.

So fear to you is a green light. That just means go.

Go for it. Well, because you never know what's gonna happen on the other side. And even if it's. Even if it's a phone call and maybe you get a phone call back, it's like, it's always been oh, this is just the path that you should be on. It's always that, like, oh, they're showing me the next step. So this is what I go after next. This is my focus.

Boom.

But it takes a minute to, one, get the inspired thought and then two kind of know when to execute. So it's a process for sure, but it's really cool. And then, you know, again, people respect your commitment to yourself at that same time.

Absolutely. It's. It's so valued, and people are gonna treat you the way that you see and treat yourself.

Absolutely. But it's. It's still hard because, I mean, you know, there's 86,400 seconds in a day. So it's like, you know, we're all human and we have relationships, we have home life, whatever that means. And, you know, and then when you're in that flow and you're focused, you're, you know, wanting to stay in it, but sometimes you can't, so. So it's also, again, just, I don't know, like, learning to actually love yourself and not just post a meme about it on Instagram, which so many people do.

And it's so obvious, too. It really is so transparent. Well, how does everybody keep up with you? Because I want to be able to keep up with the story.

Thank you. Yeah, you can check out the blog talknerdytomelover.com on Instagram, I'm oknerdytomelover. On Twitter, I'm Enfriel J E N F R I E L. And same with Facebook. Facebook.com J E N F R I.

E L. You gotta keep up with the story. It is so interesting. Thank you so much for making time. I know how busy you are, Jen. I appreciate it. All right, hang tight with me. I'll be right back. I hope you loved meeting Jen. She is an absolute trip. And it was funny. My post on LinkedIn had gone viral the day that I met Jen, and we had spoken on the phone, obviously before, but we had never met face to face. And when she was leaving our interview, I was telling her about, and she said, oh, my gosh, you've never had a viral post before? I said, no, I have a post on LinkedIn right now with over a million views and I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. And she said, oh, shoot, I've got to leave. I would have totally given you the insight on how to handle and manage and optimize that. Let's definitely catch up next time you're in la. But I have to run. And I was so bummed out. This woman is just such. She has so much knowledge. She's so interesting and so real. So I. I definitely hope that you liked her as much as I did. So. Pluto tv, it's the leading free streaming television service. You can watch over a hundred TV channels and thousands of movies on demand. They are all completely free. Pluto TV never even asks for a credit card. How do they even do that? You don't even need to sign up to watch for free. This sounds like trouble to me. Pluto TV is the easy and completely legal way to watch your favorite TV shows and hit movies for free. What are you waiting for? Never pay for TV again by downloading Pluto TV now. You can download Pluto TV for free on all of your favorite devices today, including your phone, roku, Amazon Fire TV, Apple TV, smart TVs, PlayStation, and anywhere else you stream. Oh, my gosh. Something tells me my son is going to be all over that. Okay, so now on to your questions. We have a couple of interesting ones this week, so I'm kind of excited to answer these. All right, here we go. Here's our first one. Oh, and to share that this is where this question came from. It's kind of cool because I'm speaking at Hypergrowth in Boston. I wanted to know about the company that I was speaking for. Drift is the name of the company. So I had never heard a Drift prior to the conversations about having me speak for them. I looked at the site. You got to check it out. This is not an ad, by the way. I was blown away by this little Drift bot that they put on your website, and I took the free option. It didn't cost me anything. And if you go to my website now, heathermonahan.com you'll see this little bot. It's actually a little picture of my head, and it says, hey, we're here to help you. Do you have any questions? And since I put that little bot, which was so easy to put up on my site, people have been sending me these unbelievable messages. Hey, Heather, where is the accountability partner signup tab? I can't find it. And I can. I get a ping on my phone, just like a text message, and I can answer them in real time. And I can also shut off times that I'm not available. So it says when you go to the site, it would say, you know, Heather's not available right now. Check back, and she'll get back to you later. But it also has allowed people to send me questions that they are looking for me to answer on the podcast and just a variety of different really cool things. So check out Drift. If you have a website, if you're in business, you need to have this bot on your site. It's really, it's increased my ability to have conversations with everyone and made it super easy. So. So this came from my Drift bot. On my site. It says I just went through a very corrupt divorce experience. My ex hid money, made it look like he had none as a teacher. I had a pension, he used it in the divorce. He is a lawyer and I had to pay him thousands. I had a lawyer who did not represent me well. I am just about at the two year limit on challenging the settlement. They say 95% chance it won't change if I pursue it. I have people say move on and learn from it and I have have very few who say fight it. He is manipulative, smart and premeditative. I really feel shafted from this whole experience. I am building confidence but justice of what is right is blocking me from moving forward. Do you have any words of wisdom, Heather? Yikes. I sure do. Listen to me on this one and I answered this person already on the Drift bot so she knows how I feel. Move on. Period. Living in negativity and fighting and dragging things out to make a point sounds horrific and I promise you it will not bring you greatness and positivity and opportunity. And I talk a lot about fire the villain in your life. So hopefully you will be able to take this advice and apply it to your life where it might be appropriate. Definitely don't swim with negativity. Fighting with someone negative and manipulative. That just sounds terrible to me. You definitely need to let go of the negativity and move on. I saw a person that dragged a divorce out for years and I can promise you if you ask that individual today, do they regret it? Heck yeah they do. They regret it for countless reasons. And it sounded very similar to this woman's experience that she felt, you know, she was, she needed to make a point. Make a point, save yourself, get out, move on and start living the life that you want and deserve. Okay, that's my feedback on that one. Next. Hi Heather, what's your opinion on being an entrepreneur and working for a company at the same time? I've had my business for over a year now and I'm considering getting a job to be able to self fund it. I'm confident of course, but I'm still afraid of feeling like a failure if I decide to Help my boss fulfill their dreams instead of working on my own, you know? Okay, so this is an interesting question. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do. It's. To me, that sounds more. It's like a financial question. If you can't pay your bills, if you're not in the green in your company and you're in the red, I completely understand why you would want to go back and work for someone else until you can jump, you know, creating that bridge to get over that gap so that you can move forward with your own company. You know, anyone that's worked for themselves knows it can be really scary. It can be scary, super stressful. When all that responsibility falls on your shoulders, it can be really hard. If you are struggling so much so that it's affecting your work, you. It might be a window where you need to go back and do that. However, if there is any way possible that you don't have to go back and work for someone else, then keep moving into you. Take more action, grow faster, ask for more, put more pitches out there. Whatever it is that you're doing, lean into it more. Because I know this. I launched a personal brand for a year while working in corporate America and I paid no time or attention to my personal brand or potential business because I didn't have the time right. So if you're working full time for someone else, your mind, your thoughts, your ideas are going to go to that job. That's just the way it is. You're not gonna do a half cook job. You know, somewhere you've got to show up and do the best job you can. If there's any way possible you can avoid going back to work for someone else, do it. But if you have to do it for a certain amount of time, give yourself that timeline, put a plan together, grin and bear it. You know, get that paycheck to start coming in to fund the other company until you're in a situation where you can take that next leap and go out full time on your own. So go all in, all the time. It's definitely the right answer. And either way, you don't need to feel bad if you've got to, you know, make this bridge, play and work for someone for a short period of time. Give yourself a timeline, hold yourself accountable, and get moving. Action fixes everything. So I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. If you haven't yet, please subscribe, rate and review the show. It helps so much. And if you could share it with your friends too. I would appreciate it so much. Until next week, creating confidence with you. Hang in there with me.