#166: Shift Your Self-Limiting Beliefs To Become Your Best Self With Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week. When you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seatbelt. I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited you're back with me this week. Okay, so in case you are new and you haven't been riding with me for a while, my book is live right now. What's crazy is that I'm recording this a couple days before you're hearing it. So when I'm recording it, it's actually not live yet, but it's live when you're listening to it. So that's so weird. Surreal. Every time you create something new, the haters are guaranteed to come, right? But that's not a reason not to create. In fact, that's a reason just to create more because I think it's entertaining. But for a long time I didn't create. I was afraid of haters. And that, that held me back. And I actually write about haters. They have their own chapter in my new book, Overcome youe Villains Live Right Now. If you haven't read it yet, if you haven't bought it yet, you've got to go buy it. And here's why. Call to action. Sense of urgency. This week, Friday, my bonus bundle disappears. I am asking everyone to buy a $24 book. And so I'm offering $500 in value. You get my $299 confidence video course. You get my 30 day email accountability program. You get my amazing new Overcome youe Villains workbook, which I'm super, super proud of. And so much more in my bonus bundle. Go to overcome your villains.com and when you enter your order number, you immediately download and access the bonus bundle for free. Okay, Holidays are coming. They're right around the corner. There's major supply chain issues everywhere. You need to get on the holidays now, order the book for someone you love for the holidays and then you can keep the bonus bundle. Or you put their email in and they get the bonus bundle immediately. Okay, so definitely do it this week. The bonus bundle disappears on Friday. And my other big concern is that with the lack of paper that there is in the world right now, when this round of books sells out, I don't know when the next round will be able to be printed and shipped. There's so many issues with supply chain. If you haven't ordered your holiday gifts for your loved ones yet, please do it today. Even if it's not my Book, just do it. Because I don't want you to be left out saying, oh, gosh, I wish I had gotten ahead of this. There are so many issues with deliveries and warehouses and things actually getting processed in a timely fashion. This is not the year to wait to the end. So this is just me being your friend and letting you know. Oh, my gosh. I've dealt with so many supply chain issues with this book, it's crazy. It was stuck in a warehouse for two weeks because the warehouse was closed cause of COVID things couldn't get delivered on time. We had to change our launch date. There's been one challenge and hassle after another. So supply chain issues are real. Get. Get to your grocery store, get your paper products, and order your holiday gifts now. Okay? But if you're gonna get Overcome youe Villains, today is the day. Order it right now and get that bonus bundle@overcomeyourvillains.com. so this week is an interesting one. I'm actually. As I'm talking to you, I just left my board meeting, and I've been on the board of directors of HealthLink for over a year now. Every board meeting, I go to in person, and we always have a dinner the night before, which is super fun. I love the guys that I'm on the board with, and then we have a lot of laughs, and we have a. At our board meetings. And the company's doing really, really well. Super innovative company. And I'm really, really proud of the work that we're doing just in general. So it's always, you know, it's intense. It's a lot of work. But it definitely is a positive in my life that I'm really grateful for, especially if you don't know this. For years when I was back in corporate America, I pitched myself time and time again to be appointed to the board of directors of the company that I was the chief revenue officer of the. And I always got the runaround. You know, I never got a solid reason why. Well, now I know there was that one person who really didn't want me there, the woman that fired me. So she was definitely blocking me from that spot for a long time. But I knew that. I knew I had the validity. I knew I had the credibility. I knew that I would add so much value and that there was no one like me on the board. But something was blocking me. And if you're in a situation like that where, you know, I know I'm good enough, I know I've got what it takes, but I'm getting blocked. You are in the wrong room, right? I belonged on a board. I didn't belong on that board. And I was being blocked by someone, even though no one was telling me. So take this as a tip. You just might be pitching the wrong people because those aren't your people. And you might need to go to a different company to do the same thing that you know you can do. Don't allow yourself to think it's about you. It could just be about them, right? And that you're not the right fit for them. Which definitely was the case for me. She didn't want me there. No one was telling me that directly. There was a sense I had, but I wasn't clear on how strongly she didn't want me there, that she was about to fire me. But now that I'm a couple years out of it, I can look back and see, wow, I should have left sooner. I would have been on a board sooner, somewhere else. And now here I am with these great people that I love working with that treat me great and value me. And it's been an incredible experience. It's also super interesting getting to see different industries, different companies, and how people interface and how things work. The company health link that I'm with now is very focused on employee retention and adding employee value and sharing goals and visions and mission statements. Real, true leadership. And I also see that in our board meetings. As I mentioned, today was the first day I did not go in person for our board meeting. A couple of our board members regularly dial in from Zoom or from the phone. I mean, as you know, it's 20202021 Covid, so that's not abnormal. However, it is much more fun and, you know, personal when you get to go in person and get to know people better. But for me, I've made it a priority to be there in person up until now. But today I actually have to jump on a flight right now. I just got out of our board meeting and I need to head to a speaking engagement I'm giving in Orlando, which is. Which I'm really excited. It's gonna be the biggest in person event I've done since COVID hit. So I'm super excited for it. I did a Facebook live for this group about a month ago, you know, talking about would I be speaking to them? It's all salespeople and I'm just. These are my people. So I'm so excited to go. A lot of chaos to make all this stuff happen, given I'm in the middle of book launch. We had some major issues with the supply chain in the past week. Barnes and Noble shipped books and they weren't supposed to, and just. And now the new Launch date is November 16th. I know it sounds very much first world, but when you work for two years on something and at the last, you know, the ninth inning with two outs, things start falling apart. It's a little hectic. Okay? I'm just gonna say that it's been a little hectic, but we're gonna find ways to make it work. And I'm super excited to be going in person to this event and to speak. And they bought a ton of books. I am praying those books arrived. I have no idea. Because of all these supply chain issues. I hope I'm not walking into one of those situations where here, you know, a great client who's invested a lot in me and in my message and in my books and in bringing me up there. Gosh, I hope those books are there. So let's see. Keep your fingers crossed. Next week when you hear the show, I'll let you know how it all went. But so one of the things that happened today in my board meeting, that was just such a great reminder, there's this one gentleman who has been calling in, and he hasn't been on site, but he has a great presence. And one of the things I was reminded of today, every time he spoke up on the call, he would stop and say before he asked any question, before he followed up on anything someone had spoken about, every segment ends. They open it up for discussion and questions. And this gentleman would always say this. Hey, guys, first of all, I just want to say great job. A lot of work went into that, and I want you to know I recognize that. And I'm really. I'm really impressed. Always. Just a very nice, honest, true, heartfelt compliment. Back to the work that team has put in. And every time he did it, I was taking notes saying, heather, show up as a better leader. Right? That's the leader that we all need ourselves to be and that we want to be with. Sometimes my brain works really fast, and when they open it up for questions or discussion, I jump right into strategy. Hey, guys, where is. You know, And I'll start asking questions around, where is the pipeline? Where are the timelines? I don't see the forecast. You know, I come very pointed at things where, you know, I think that we can improve because my job is to help us get better, achieve our goals, and grow the company and grow value for everyone. But at the same time, here I am taking these notes saying, you know what, Heather, pause for a moment and show up as a leader and recognize and see the value in others and take that moment to congratulate them on everything they're doing right. It's just, it's about that pause and that's something I need to work on for myself specifically with the board is that. And I noticed that because somebody else was leading by example today and it reminded me, you know what, thank you for that example. And that's who I need to be as well. And it just, it's about taking that one minute pause to reflect and acknowledge others around us and the work that they're doing and how much we appreciate it. So hopefully you can do that today too, because it was, it was a great lesson for me.

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Okay, so it was a great board meeting and now we're on to Orlando. And as I'm going to be flying to Orlando next, I am thinking about what I'll think about on the plane. And one of the things I do when I'm going to an event is I research them because I want to know up and coming news like what's been happening lately. So for this event that I'm going to, it's at the Gaylord Palms Hotel here, huge hotel convention center and they are in a three day conference. I'm the last speaker of the conference and so I'm looking back and I'm going into the Facebook page to see what people are saying. I'm looking at photos, right? I really want to immerse myself in their world. I want to who won the awards and you know, what are. What's everyone talking about? The more I can immerse myself in their world, the more I can add value for them, the more I can recognize them. And so that's what I'll be spending my time on the plane doing is really digging into what's happening with the company, what they've been going through the last couple of days so that they see me as part of their team. They see me as someone there to serve them, add value to them, not someone on the outside showing up to do a talk and get out of there. So the more I can understand others and where they are and put myself in their shoes and notice and see what it is that they're doing. The more I can connect with them, the more they can know like and trust me. And people do business with with people they know like and trust. So I really try to do that before any event when I have a window of time right before I'm heading over. So that's one little tip that I wanna give you. Anytime you're going into a meeting doesn't need to be a big in person meeting, it can be a zoom one. But the more we put ourselves in other people's shoes, the more we can add value to them, recognize them and they'll feel seen, which is really, really powerful. Okay, so I thought it would be great if maybe I read you one more chapter from my book. If you go back two weeks ago I read you my first two chapters. I got a lot of great feedback on Em, so thank you so much. And I'm getting more and more now that Barnes and Noble shipped all my books this week. I'm getting a lot more feedback on the book and it's been amazing to hear. So thank you so much for reading. Please leave a review wherever you purchase the book. It helps so much. Please post about the book, share it with someone that you think it could add value to their life. Someone who might be facing adversity. This three step process to overcome any adversity is proven powerful and it stands the test of time. I've been using it over and over again and it serves me well and it's gonna serve you even better. So all right, so I'm gonna read chapter three which is Return others self limiting beliefs. All that we are is a result of what we have thought Buddha While getting fired was the push I needed to overcome the biggest villain in my life, my boss. On the way to finding my true calling, it took some time to realize that what had happened was actually a good thing and not the complete disaster it felt like at the time. Driving home from work that fateful day and for the rest of the week I cried and I wondered what I would do since the non compete clause in my contract prohibited me from taking a similar job in the radio industry. I was cut out of the career I knew and where my value to an employer was. I didn't know what steps to take next. What I also didn't know was that my former company would report my company phone as stolen and that Verizon would shut it down, requiring me to get a new phone and a new phone number. I know this sounds like a first world problem and I get it, but when you're broken. It is devastating. Brushing my hair seemed like a challenge, and getting a new phone number after 14 years felt inconceivable. But guess what? It worked out. I got a new number and the people who really wanted to find me did. The other ones, the ones I thought were my friends but really weren't, they didn't bother. The good news is now I have people who care about me and really do want to be a part of what I've created. They are inspired and excited to be around me. If the people who weren't genuine hadn't ghosted me, I wouldn't have known their true intentions and I wouldn't be attracting the phenomenal people I have now. Having my phone shut off was hard, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise, Just like getting fired. I couldn't see it at first, but a year later I was grateful. Think of a time in your life when you were scared to do something, but moved through the fear and did it anyway. Chances are you reached your goal, or at least you got a lot closer than you imagined. Use that example as proof that the next goal will work out the same.

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Remember yes, self doubt will creep back in occasionally. As it does for me. I beat that self doubt back down with all of my crumbs of success I've experienced in the previous week and the previous month and the previous year. I celebrate the small wins and recognize my progress every day. When the old tape starts to run telling me I can't do something, I switch up the stations and then I hit up Kendrick Lamar's I Love Myself and I remind myself that when you google me, I show up as a keynote speaker, a top 100 podcaster on America's leading podcasting platform, a confidence creator, and an author. Not as a radio industry executive. Mine has officially been blown. What can you get done this year if you get rid of other self limiting beliefs about who you are and if you believe in yourself? What I have realized is I allowed myself to be put in a lane. I was in the sales lane and that was the only lane I was given permission to be in. If I strayed out of my lane, I was quickly pushed right back in. Here's what I've learned. You can smash through all of the lanes, blow them up and get rid of them and just be you. You can live lanelessly. You can take your unique talents and attributes wherever you want to go. When I blew up the lanes, suddenly there was no more traffic. Get rid of the lanes, create your own space and things move much more smoothly. This was an epiphany and it's absolutely true. Why can't I be Heather who writes books, gives keynotes, and consults for all kinds of businesses? Who said Heather can only be in sales? It really doesn't matter who put me in that lane because I am now crystal clear that it is up to me to go where I want to go and take my unique skills and talents with me. The more I step into who I really am, the stronger and more powerful I become wherever I go. That same is true for you. When I finished writing my first book, Confidence Creator, I wanted to share it with my family and my innermost circle Before I released it, I told only a few people I was working on the book because I was afraid that people would try to talk me out of it. And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. I was really excited and proud. I was just starting to get comfortable with the idea of smashing through my old sales lane when my brilliant sister called. She had just finished speed reading my manuscript and I was on high alert, ready for her reaction. It didn't go so well. She told me immediately that I shouldn't move forward with my book. She explained that as a lawyer, she needed to advise me not to publish it. She said that I should expect to be sued by my past employers and everyone I called out in the book, even though everything I wrote was true. Not only that, but a well known author would probably sue me too since my manuscript reminded my sister of their book even though mine was entirely original. That was it. I was devastated. I thanked my sister for her input and hung up and cried for hours. I went back under my weighted blanket and struggled not knowing what to do. Today it is clear to me that her concerns came from a place of love and wanting to protect me. But I didn't need to take on her self limiting beliefs. I could have simply thanked her for her concerns and just kept going. I wish I had this new 2.0 version of myself then coaching me. But I didn't. The feedback I really wanted to get was from my mom, but she didn't call. As it turns out, my mom was upset with me. She felt that my book didn't position her in a good light and that the past should remain in the past. I couldn't believe it. The only person my book didn't position in a good light was me. My book was a compilation of my lowest moments and how I learned to build confidence from them. How could she think that she was the one who looked bad? I called my father. He sat in as a mediator and so that my mom would listen to me explain that the book was not about her. Yikes. That was painful. I was devastated and decided I'd kill the book. I sat on my couch crying hysterically. Here I was. I hadn't told anyone I was writing a book. I was so proud I had actually done it. I really liked it. But my family members didn't think I should move forward with it and one of them was a lawyer. Had I wasted the past few months? Should I just go back to corporate America? For months I flip flopped between thinking that I should go to work for myself and thinking I needed to give up my misguided dream and go back to work for someone else again. I was torn apart, not sure what to do. What I didn't understand is that I had already jumped and that if I kept second guessing myself, my wings weren't going to open. I was sabotaging myself. I remember being young and sabotaging myself. And I can't believe now that month after month after month I was doing it again. Damn old habits die hard. Which ones are you permitting right now? In this down moment when I was preparing to scrap my book and start dialing people in my old industry for jobs, I did something really smart. I called my editor, Ryan. Ryan had not only written a book, he had written 19 books. He had way more experience with this than I did. I explained to him what had happened and that I thought I should trash the book. Did you write this book for your mom and your sister? He asked. No. Did the person you wrote the book for change? No. I had written the book for anyone who struggled with confidence the same way I had for so long. That hadn't changed. Ryan continued with his inquisition. Did you read that other author's book and try to imitate it while you wrote your book? I read her book five years ago, I admitted. But no. This is my story, not hers. Do you think anyone has a copyright on self help books and that no one else can ever write another one? Nope. I heard Ryan loud and clear and I made up my mind. I was going to reject the self limiting beliefs others were projecting on me and move forward with my book. It was my story, my life, my idea. If they wanted to limit themselves, that's fine, but they would not limit me. Ryan had reminded me of my why. When you reconnect with why you are doing something, it makes the decision to move forward much easier. Nothing about this has been easy. Getting the advice of people who have already walked the path I want to take has been a tremendous help for me and it's something I continue to do to propel myself to that next level. Keep someone on speed dial who is ahead of where you are and tap them when you second guess yourself or when your inner circle second guesses you. You do not have to accept their self limiting beliefs. You can thank them for their offering their perspective and hand it right back to them. I actually see myself smiling at them and handing it back and it feels great. So many people believe that they are looking out for you and helping you when they do this, but it is so important that you listen to the one voice that counts.

Yours.

These days my inner voice says, oh no thank you. That is not for me, that is for you. And I move on. Just as you should move on. I won't leave you hanging. I know what you are thinking. How did things end up with your mother and sister? I am happy to report that both my mother and sister ended up being very supportive of my book after it came out. Sometimes the only way to overcome a hard time is to go through it. Key Takeaway Never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you are attempting to go. Reconnect with your why and move forward with your mission. Leave your self limiting beliefs in the past. They don't have a place in your future. Here's a Fun exercise I call flipping the script. Basically, it means choosing to see the opposite of what others may be telling you when they are trying to hold you back. You can choose to see what others are presenting you or you can choose to reframe it and make it work for you. Here we go. I failed and I am done. So don't tell me I have potential because I have realized I won't get another job because I am too old. No one wants someone who is fired. And don't try to tell me there is a star within me because I truly know I'm unemployable. Nothing you say will get me to believe I will make a comeback. It's time to flip that script on the naysayers. You can read it from the bottom up or I'll flip it for you. Here. I will make a comeback. Nothing you say will get me to believe I'm unemployable because I truly know there is a star within me. And don't try to tell me no one wants someone who was fired because I'm too old. I won't get another job because I've realized I have potential. So don't tell me I failed and I'm done. Wow. I love this exercise. I am smiling as I flipped the script and read it out loud. Now you rewrite it line by line the way that fits your story best. Then flip the story around and read it out loud. Keep searching for the reframe or the flip. The next time someone hands you their self limiting beliefs, remember what someone else believes doesn't have to become your reality. Your beliefs are your choice. Choose wisely. Thank you Daniel Abrams for the idea. Okay, so that was chapter three in Overcome your Villains. I hope you loved it. And if I didn't mention I tried out for the part of Heather Monahan, narrator, I was awarded the part. Thank you HarperCollins leadership.

And.

And as I was going to record my audiobook, I asked, I said, can I. Do I have some creative flexibility? Can I do things a little different than just read the basic hardcover book? And they said, Heather, have all the creative input you want. Do whatever you want. So just so you know, the audible version of Overcome youe Villains is different than the ebook, the hardcover and the paperback. It is a riff at the end of every chapter. I just go off on a tangent. I actually can't wait to listen to it myself cause I don't remember what I say, but I just give you the behind the scenes of what was really going on or what I felt when I read it because when I sat down to do the audiobook, it was the first time I read my book in its entirety, which is really surreal and weird and reminded me that so much had happened since a couple of years ago when I started working on this. So you get a lot more insight, you get a lot of behind the scenes, and I think you're gonna love it. Okay, so go now. If you need holiday gifts for people, buy Overcome youe Villains and get that bonus bundle. $500 bonus bundle. Put their email address in and it gets sent to them immediately. Put yours in and you can download it immediately once you order the book. And the book is available anywhere and any everywhere you buy books. That is one amazing part of working with a traditional publisher. You have distribution points everywhere and I strongly suggest the Audible version. I'm really, really proud of how creative we were in doing things a little bit differently. Can't wait to hear what you think. Please leave a review and if you're loving this show, if you're loving this podcast, I'd love it if you leave a review of the show, share it on social media, tag me. I will always repost reshare and let one person know that you love this show so they can gain something from it too. It means the world to me. Until next week. Keep creating your confidence. You know I'm with you. I'm gonna make it my own again. I decided to change that dynamic. How do you like that? I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.