#172: How Self Reflection Can Change Your Life With Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seatbelt. I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to be back here with me this week. I have a little bit of a cold. I traveled with my son for Thanksgiving, back to Boston for the week, stayed with some of our dearest friends and had so much fun and got stuck in an airport basically for two days in the freezing cold. And I have turned full Miami girl now. It is so awful being in the freezing cold. And my son got really sick. He was throwing up. I somewhat lost my voice a little bit, had a bad cough. But you know what's funny is now that my primary job is a keynote speaker, it's a big deal when you lose your voice. I have a live in person event. It's half, it's a hybrid. Everything's hybrid these days. They're streaming the event and it's in person. And all week I've been, oh my gosh, you know, I did a bunch of virtual events during the week, but for whatever reason, virtual, if you start coughing, you can just, you know, turn around and take a drink of water. You're on your computer. It isn't, it's not the same if you're on a big stage, there's nothing to grab, you know, you're just kind of screwed. So I did this amazing trick that if you get a bad cold, cough or, or start losing your voice, you need to go to Starbucks and get this drink. It's called the Medicine Ball. That thing gives me life. It's bringing me back. And now I make it at home. I use this Yogi tea, it's called Throat Coat, Lemon Honey and something else. I don't remember what the other magic thing is Starbucks puts in there, but it totally helps gargle with salt water. That helps to get rest, stay hydrated, blah, blah, blah. Okay. All right. First I wanna start off with. I'm so grateful for the reviews of my new book, Overcome youe Villains. Which I know if you've been with me for a while, you know, I just launched my brand new book, Overcome youe Villains. It went number one even before it was. It was on pre order and it went number one on the Amazon charts on the workplace and culture list before it even came out. Super excited about that. We've had a number of problems since it came out with shipping and supply chain Issues. I'm not gonna get into that right now, but I do wanna read. And if you've read the book, if you could leave a review, it helps so, so much. But I wanna read a couple reviews I just saw on Barnes and Noble, which is so cool because my first book in 2018, I was only on Amazon, right? When you self publish, you have one point of distribution. When you publish with a traditional publisher, you have 99 points of distribution. You're everywhere, literally in every Barnes and Noble. And yes, I did go visit my books. They're actually in there, which is such a bizarre and weird experience. When you work so hard, your first book, to try to get it into one Barnes and Noble, and now my new book's in all Barnes and Noble. It's just crazy how it's progress, right? Progress over perfection. I had to take that first leap and self publish my first book in order to get a book deal for my second book. And listen, there's pros and cons to both. I will do a whole episode on that at some point. But for right now, I wanna just dive into a couple quick reviews to let you know what people are saying. And by the way, we live in a review and recommendation world, right? If you're not getting reviews of your business and what you're great at, you are missing the boat. Give people an opportunity. So many people will say, well, I don't want to bother people asking for a review. Here's what you do. When someone, this is what I do all day long. People will DM me and say, oh, my gosh, I love your book. It's changed my life. Blah, blah, blah. I respond back, that makes me so happy. Thank you so much. I so appreciate the feedback. Can you go onto Amazon and post that on Amazon as a review? And 99% of people say, sure, no problem. So the next time someone gives you good feedback, say, thank you so much. Would you mind going to LinkedIn and posting that as a review of my work on my LinkedIn wall? If you don't ask, you're never gonna know. And the majority of people are gonna wanna help you. They wouldn't have given you the positive feedback if they didn't wanna help you. Okay, here we go. So this is on if you wanna check it out yourself on Barnes and Noble, where my second book lives. My first book couldn't even get in the front door. Here we go. Take the leap and read the book. How did she know, by the way? I'm playing the person that actually wrote it isn't that funny. I didn't have to audition for that one. I'm just deciding to do it. How did she know? I am asking myself after finishing this book, how did she know Everything I needed to hear in the description of Overcome youe Villains, it says if you've ever felt alone, down, defeated, or discouraged, this book's for you. Heather. I do not know if you realize how true that statement is. Pause for one minute. Back to me for a second. When I hear her talking, I believe it's a woman writing this. Yes, Nina. When I hear her talking about if you've ever felt alone, down, defeated, or discouraged, that in the summary of the book. Just reading that right now takes me back to I'm trying to think what month it was when we were working on When I say we, me and the team at HarperCollin's leadership on the summary. The summary just coming up with the summary took probably a week or two weeks. Cause you're back and forth disputing what to add, what not to add, what sounds good, what doesn't sound good. The amount of work I'm just gonna let you know that goes into a traditionally published book is massive. This was two years in the making. So when I see these little bits and pieces that remind me of the work that I did, it makes me feel super proud. So I hope you have moments in your day when you can look back and say, wow, that was a lot of work that we put into this project or initiative over the last couple years and we're finally seeing it come together. It's super rewarding and that's why the reviews mean a lot to me personally. Okay, back to Nina and her review. I am in my first year of full time entrepreneurship and solely working for myself. This book feels like the roadmap I needed. Yes, Heather covers the highs and the lows, both from a corporate standpoint to life. After Heather, I feel like I know her and that referring to her as Monahan just feels impersonal. After this read. Good details. The real, gritty and not always pretty path to achieving some of her most notable accomplishments. Those accomplishments include keynote speaking, having incredible podcast guests, being a podcast guest on incredible shows, giving a TEDx talk, and basically everything else I have on my vision board right now. I feel as though Heather was holding my hand. So throughout this book, personally invested in my future like the female role model I never had. I hear you sister. Except now I do. If you are looking to take the leap into being your own boss, read this book. If your friend is taking that leap. Give them this book. If you or a loved one just got fired from a job, you guessed it. Read this book. It shows you that there is always something better awaiting and that anyone can achieve it. And then she tagged it Life changing. I could cry. Okay, next one. I believe this one's a man and then I'll stop. I'm only gonna read you two, but I'm just so excited seeing these on Barnes and Noble when I couldn't get my first book in there. It's just. It's so bizarre and serendipitous. Okay, A roadmap out of Feeling Trapped, I stumbled onto Heather Monahan's work on LinkedIn. Shocker. I immediately bought her first book, Confidence Creator. The one that couldn't get into Barnes and Noble after listening to her podcast by the same name. You're listening to it with me here. If you are anything like me, feeling trapped in your career feels like a prison. Heather guides you through events and challenges in her life. Work, family, school, et cetera, where she learned the hard way to overcome her villains and create her confidence. The short chapters are perfect for the reader to learn and reflect on their own life situation before moving on to to the next topic. There are exercises included in several chapters which will be very helpful in reframing the larger picture of your career and personal goals. Her back framework, beliefs, actions and knowledge is lightweight and portable to any area of your life. Where there is a challenge, yes, an incident or problem that needs a fix or a resolution, the reader will learn to be empowered enough to leverage the back in everyday life, gaining momentum and courage along the way. Heather tackles the overlooked emotional side of villainy with personal stories that are unnervingly familiar to all of us. Her voice and tone are so relatable, you can hear her clearly without a need to translate. I strongly believe that Overcome youe Villains should be read in tandem with her first book, Confidence Creator. It's not often that I would recommend two books together, but this is a one two punch where one plus one equals three in terms of value for the reader. Bottom line, I just finished this book, which I read in three sittings. I am actively working through the exercises. I'm also re reading her first book starting tonight. When is the last time you did that tagged underdog story? Trending? Couldn't put it down. Made me smarter.

Literally.

I wanna cry. I'm so. Gosh, I'm so proud. You can't imagine how hard I worked on this book. Okay. And just during a hard time, during COVID during Crappy Pandemic, during being stuck at my house, having my poor kid stuck on his computer. Just, gosh, I'm so grateful that it's behind me, that all that work is behind me. Have you ever felt like that in it? You're like, so focused on getting it done, but when you're finally beyond it, ugh, I'm glad I did it. I don't want to right now. Go do it again. This is. This is probably similar to giving birth. You're like, okay, that was hard as heck. I'm so grateful for my baby, but I really don't wanna do that again right now. So similarly, it took me a couple years. I wrote and self published confidence creator in 2018, and then here we are in 2021 with Overcome youe Villains. So it took me a little while to actually bounce back from that first baby to put out the second. Maybe it won't take as long for the third. I can't even believe that I just said that. That's so crazy, because literally in the beginning of 2018, I still couldn't believe that I was gonna become an author later that year. And now when you Google me my whole life, I showed up as an executive in the advertising industry. When you Google me today, I show up as an author. That's so bizarre. Your life can change in such a short window of time if you make the decision to take massive action and not allow anything to get in your way. I've had millions upon millions of problems. I swear, I'm not being dramatic, but I just kept finding ways around them. And that's really the story that I wanna share with you today, or the message I wanna share with you today, which is, it's been a tough couple weeks. And if you've been here with me, you know, I've had a lot of issues around. You know, HarperCollins had to move my launch date, you know, for eight months. We prep for November 9th as the launch date. You wanna get all of your thousands of book sales in that one week so that you had all the bestseller lists, you know, Wall Street Journal, USA Today, et cetera. And I didn't get to do that with my first book. I hit the Amazon list, and I hit the Amazon list with this new one. But not my big goal yet, which was the Wall Street Journal. I really wanted to hit that. I had it in my intention. I had written it down in my goals for 2021. It was gonna happen during book launch week.

Right?

I was crystal clear on what was happening. And it was so I had such a good plan. I executed on the plan. I had massive book orders from a ton of different clients that I was doing keynote speeches for. I beg people to get them all delivered on my launch day so I could hit the number. You know, my book launch team did a great job supporting me and we were doing great on Amazon, we were on Barnes and we're everywhere. And it just, it ended up that there was all these issues with delivery and supply chain and they had to move my book Launch to the 16th a week later and really unraveled things because half of the books shipped the week of the 9th, half shipped the week of the 16th, and my numbers weren't big enough that when they split, I could still make the list. They needed to be combined into one week, which they weren't. And there was nothing we could do about it. Right. So this was one of those moments I had to use my own back process. I was incredibly discouraged. Right. For me, this journey really starts back in 2018 when I wrote and self published my first book. All the mistakes I made along the way, all the lessons I learned and how I was able to do it smarter, better, stronger, faster this time. Yet what I didn't know, this is the irony of life. 2018 was the ideal time to self publish a book. There were no issues on delivery. There was no big books coming out the same week my book came out. Fast forward to 2021. There's all these delivery issues, there's all these problems and there were so many big books coming out. Hi, Will Smith on Oprah Winfrey. You know, the day before my book came out, there was so much. Hi Adele. Coming out with all of your new music. Hi Taylor Swift. Redoing your albums the same week my book came out. So there was so much noise. It just makes it more competitive.

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But the funny thing is I was certain that this would be flawless, right? That this one would be so much better than the 2018 when now I reflect my launch of my first book was better than my launch of my second book. And that's crazy because this time I'm working with a team of hundreds of people at HarperCollins leadership who have so much expertise and knowledge and the first time I was just doing it by myself, having no clue what I was doing. But there is something to be said for timing and that's completely out of our control. So I got really discouraged. I was really upset about, you know, what was happening and that I wasn't gonna make the list. And it seemed like all for naught that I'd worked so hard for two years. I was feeling bad for myself and I was being a little baby. Even though I'm always talking about picking yourself up and stay positive. Focus on the outcome that you want, not on the situation you're in. Find solutions. And then I was literally sitting there at my kitchen table, where I'm sitting right now, tearing up that I was so frustrated that this thing backfired and didn't work the way I thought it would. So when I get like that, well, first of all, I go to my back. Process, right? I literally go through the motions. Beliefs, action, knowledge. To set myself up for success. Dismantle the belief. Just because I didn't hit the Wall Street Journal bestseller list the week it came out because there were shipping issues, doesn't mean I can't hit it next month or next year. It can still happen, right? So I've got to dismantle that belief to whatever fact actually exists within it. And there is no fact in it because the reality is, at any point in time, you can hit a Wall Street Journal bestseller list. Okay? So I had to move on from telling myself a story that was not true. Next take, massive action. And I posted about it. I let people know what was going on. You know, I shared my struggle to see if others could help me and then curate the knowledge you're surrounding yourself with. Go to people who have been where you want to go. I called my best selling author friend, Amy Morin, who sold millions of books, cried to her about my problem, and she told me, listen, something similar happened to me, but it was with Target and this unbelievable opportunity I had and the books never came in. And she gave me this whole story that she had never shared with me before. And it sucked. I felt so bad for her. However, she shared a few months later that Rush Limbo shouted out her book on his show and told everyone to go buy it. And overnight her book became a phenomenon, Sold millions of copies. So her point was, don't. No use sitting here crying over this spilt milk right now. Instead, get up, take more action, and focus on what potentially could happen in the future. So I totally appreciated that. I decided to move on. Anytime I feel badly about a situation I'm in or something that's going on, you know, with me, I always try to help somebody else. Because if I put my focus and attention on helping others, I'm going to feel better about myself. So I selfishly look to help other people when I'm down. I know that sounds kind of crazy. So I'm sitting at my kitchen table, I'm like, I got to stop feeling bad for myself. I need to move on. Who could I help? And I thought of my friend David Nurse, who you've heard on the podcast before. He's an amazing guy. And even though I only know him virtually, I've known him for over a year now, virtually. He's incredible. Helps me so much. Introduces me to so many people total. Like, literally my brother from another mother. I love this guy. Such a great guy. So. And he actually taught me something really important. I hope I remember to tell you. Okay, so I sent him an email. I said, hey, you're. He's got a new book coming out in December. And I said, hey, David, I know you have a new book coming out. I want to get behind you. I want to help you. I want to support you. Let's bring you back on the podcast so we can promote your book. Share it with my audience, my community. I'll post about it. I'll send out an email newsletter. Like, I really want to get behind this. I know how hard it is to launch a book, and I want to be there for you, and I want to go all in. So I send him this email. He sends me an email back and he writes, omg, you can't believe this. Take a look. And there's a link. And so I'm thinking, okay, so he's sending me a link about the top 50 keynote speakers in the world for 2022. Oh, he must have made the list. So I'm thinking, oh, my. You know what? That's. I'm so happy for him. He's so deserving. He's such a great guy. I was really excited for him. So I said, I gotta click on the link and make sure that's what he's saying. And literally, this is what I'm thinking. And so I click on. And there he is. There's his head. And I'm. Yay. My mind. I wasn't thinking about my problems anymore, right? I'm thinking about helping someone else and being happy for them. And I was truly happy. And so I'm sitting there just super excited for him. And I thought, well, I should look at the rest of the list. And, you know, he was. I believe he was number 44. And so this is so funny. And so I keep scrolling, just out of curiosity. Cause I'm a curious person. And I keep scrolling, I keep scrolling. And all of a sudden, guess who I see? Me, my head at number 34. Which is really funny, because of course, David and I are competitive. He's a former NBA player and NBA coach, and I'm me. So I'm super competitive. So anyways, so I'm number 34. I. Stop it. I couldn't. I lose my mind when things like this happen. I couldn't believe I never saw this coming. And pause for a moment. Back a year ago, I was named Top 40 Female Keynote speaker, which I was so excited about. And you know. Cause it helps my speaking business, right? Anything that's giving you that credibility and that and elevating you, it's gonna help you charge more, reach more people and do more business. It really puts you at another level. It does, right? Like anything. It's like how in 2017, two weeks before I got fired, I was named one of the most influential women in radio. And that put me at another level, right? Like, so these accomplishments that you don't always know you're gonna get, but when you. You get them, they really. They help you, right? So I was feeling so excited, I couldn't even believe it. So I jumped out of the email, I went into Google, you know, I'm like, I wanna make sure this is real. It's real. So I call my friend David right away, like, oh, my God, how did you get this? Like, where is this? I'm freaking out. And he's like, I can't believe you're 10 spots ahead of me. Which was super funny. But then I went back to the list to say, who else is on here? And Tony Robbins is number one. Mel Robbins, Brene Brown, Les Brown, literally the most unbelievable speakers in the world. Truly, that's what the list is. And it was just. It was one of those moments that I thought, okay, I'm sitting at my table feeling bad about my book launch, but maybe this is to redirect me that, yes, it's great to do the work and to go all in. You know, I totally believe in hard work is always gonna be an answer. But maybe this is telling me that I don't just have to sit here and grind out about the book. Maybe this is telling me, Heather, you were grinding out about your speaking. You know, since 2018, when you launched your first book and you Googled how do youo Sell Books? And it said speak, and you knew nothing about the speaking business. But I went all in, right? I was pitching myself to every agent, every speaker bureau. I was develop, getting, gathering testimonials, getting footage of me on all different stages. And then when everything wiped out because of the pandemic, I had to reinvent myself as a virtual speaker. I didn't know if I could translate through a computer. You know, there's some, let's say, you know, peloton instructors that are really vibrant through the computer and others just aren't. I'm sure they're vibrant in person, but some people translate through a computer and some don't. And that's just. It is what it is, right? And I didn't know if I would translate and I saw that people had virtual. They were certified virtual speakers. What does that even mean? Right? So I thought, do I need this weird virtual certification? No, I don't think I do. And luckily I never went to pursue that, thank goodness. But I did market myself a lot as a virtual speaker. And over time I did it for over a year and a half. I'm still doing it now. I did it three or four times this week. I became really good at it, right? Cause the more work you put in, the more practice you have, the more feedback you get. And what's cool about virtual speaking, I can watch other virtual speakers, so I can see other things that people are doing that's working well and I can test and try it with my speeches, right? And get better and better. I put the work in when you want more.

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So I literally, since 2018, I had been working and grinding out my speaking business hard. Like I know I did my TEDx talk. I interviewed Sarah Blakely and Jesse Itzler at the Drift Conference. I've taken so many stages. I just headlined the LifeWave conference two weeks ago, which was huge. That was amazing. And did a book signing. It was so fun being back in person tomorrow. I've got a fit team in person and hybrid event, right? So I'm back doing all these in person things and it's so great. And I just realized to myself, yes, I wanted the book to be a Wall Street Journal bestseller. The first week it came out, things did not go the way I had planned. They were out of my control. But maybe this announcement that I'm ranked number 34 on the top keynote speaker in the world for 2022, maybe that's a message to tell me, hey, you might wanna refocus on your speaking business, kid. And so that's the way I decided to look at it, right? I just decided to say the book situation didn't turn out exactly the way I'd hoped, which is okay. I did all the things I could do. I don't regret anything. I don't. There wasn't more I could have done. I did everything I could. I checked every box. I did the best I could. It didn't go the way I'd hoped yet. But luckily I was reminded through my good friend David that I am an incredibly well recognized and ranked keynote speaker. So I shifted my perspective and I've decided I'm not gonna obsess about the list anymore. Instead, I'm gonna obsess about my speaking. And so first thing I did, I went to LinkedIn to post about getting this amazing recognition with some of the, with the best speakers in the world. And it's just, it's an unbelievable feeling because back when I got fired, I didn't know any of this was gonna happen. I didn't know there was a speaking business. I didn't know I could even write a book. I didn't. I didn't know any of this would happen. And it's just, I wanted to remind you that anything can happen for you. Yes, you've gotta do the work. Yes, you're gonna have to Google it and figure out how to do it. And it's gonna be frustrating. And I was told no a hundred times before I got my first TedX. And and my agent told me no 14 times for my book deal. Right? And we got no's back from publishers before we got some yeses. And it's about grinding through the challenges and not giving up and using and leveraging the back process that I teach you because I promise you it will empower you to overcome any adversity in business or life. And I'm consciously using it every day now and it works. So use the process, use the back process. If you haven't got the book yet, Overcome youe Villains, get it now. And especially with the holidays, pull the trigger today. Order some so that you can give them out for gifts. I promise you I will not let you down. The reviews are amazing on this book and they should be. I worked for freaking two years to get this thing together. So unlike my first book, I wrote that and wrote and self published in five months and it has three mistakes in it, which I'm super proud of. But my new one, after two years and working with 200 people at Harper Kahn's leadership, there's no mistakes in the second one. So definitely order Overcome youm Villains as a gift for people for the holidays. Anyone that you see that you know has more potential within them or is facing a challenge or unhappy in their current life condition, this book will give them the roadmap to overcome it and start reaching their potential. And what gift is better than that? Okay, so I'm super excited to be back live again tomorrow. And tomorrow will be my first in person speech, recognized As a top 50 rank worldwide speaker, which is crazy and super, super exciting. So I'm so excited. I'm super proud and I'm excited that you're here with me too. And I don't know what else to say. I just. I'm overwhelmed and yeah, that's it. So gotta keep your head up. And in those moments when you're feeling low, just know that you're not alone. I'm probably out there somewhere feeling low too. But we can always pick our head back up and focus on who we can help, what steps we can take, and we can start moving things forward again. Leverage that back process that I teach you, I promise you it pays off. It works every time, all the time, and it will not let you down. So until next week, keep creating your confidence, keep your eyes open for that amazing silver lining that you're going to find somewhere. And I'm just feeling super hopeful. And just so you know, a few days ago I was not feeling very hopeful. I was feeling very discouraged. So things can turn on a dime. Don't give up. Don't get discouraged. And when you can try to help somebody else out, it always pays you back tenfold. Until next week. Keep creating your confidence. You know I will. And if you haven't, please share the show with a friend. Leave a review. And when you post about the show, I will always repost. Re tag tag me. It means the world. And if you're not subscribed, pound that subscribe button. Now. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.