#216: How To Show Up For YOURSELF, With Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seat, I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me this week. Okay, so I was very much caught off guard this week when one of my I do some one on one executive coaching and I do some consulting for certain companies and, and one of my coaching clients who's an incredible super high level executive at a major Fortune 5 company, you know, she's an impressive woman, but like so many people, she doesn't always see her attributes. Right. She's definitely looking at other people with rose colored glasses, but she typically takes those rose colored glasses off when she looks at herself. Who can identify with that? Right? Happens to a lot of us. And that's why I do believe in coaching. You know, whether it's for you have workout goals and you hire a trainer or you want your business to grow and you hire a consultant or an executive coach or you want to be a better presenter and you hire someone to coach you on speaking, whatever it is, right. When you invest in yourself, you're making that commitment to yourself. You're telling the universe, I'm worth it. You know, I'm worth more. And I want someone who's light years ahead of me to come in and give me the Cliff Notes. That's exactly why when I wrote my first book, I invested in myself. I hired an editor. He had written 19 books. Once he joined my team, we were off and running. Right. It was a little bumpy before he joined me, but once I had him, he gave me the Cliff notes and we knew that we could move fast and get this thing done. Same thing with when I needed a book proposal, I hired a professional book proposal writer to guide me and teach me. I had never done it before. Right. So wherever you are in your business or your career or what you're up to, what you're working on, there is no shame in your game. Hiring someone to advance you quickly. It's definitely a strategic advantage. And it says to yourself, I'm worthy, I'm worth this. Right? You are the most important investment you will ever make in your life. So that's just my two cents on coaching. I'm all in on it. I'm always bringing people to advance me. Trainers. Oh my gosh. I don't know where I would be with, without my workout trainers that I've had in my Life. You know, people that know things about areas that you're interested in, but you just don't have the expertise. You can tap somebody else. Invest in yourself and access it so quickly. Okay, so one of my clients, who's an amazing woman, put this post up, and I about fell over, because she has. While she's been incredibly successful in her career, she always has kind of held back a little bit, not being really vulnerable. How many of us can relate to this one, right? I definitely was the same way. In corporate America, you kind of wanted to keep that veil up. You didn't want people to really know who you were because you had achieved success, and you thought, you know what? Maybe I should just leave good enough alone. Right. I mean, a lot of us do this, especially when you're in that corporate game where, oh, if I push the envelope a little too much, it might upset someone. So I was super surprised when I saw this post she put up. Okay, here it goes. You don't have articulation issues. You have a confidence issue. In my first interview with my executive coach, this is what I was told. I was blown away. Okay, hang on a second. So this is. We're stopping. This is her post, but we're gonna pause, and I need to make a comment. So it was our first meeting, thorough meeting, going through what her issues were and after. You know, I always want people to empty their glass to me. Right. Anytime you sit with anyone, I want to find out what the challenge is, what the problem is, how I can help, how I can add value. To do that, we have to ask really good questions in the beginning and really get that person to trust us and share with us what their thoughts, their perception is on the problem. When I heard her describe her problems and she labeled it as an articulation issue, it was so clear to me. She didn't have issues with articulating.

Right.

She was very clear and knew what she wanted to say. Very smart, very successful. It was so clear to me she didn't have the confidence that she needed. You know, she was doubting herself. That was what was so obvious to me. Okay, let's get back to her post. My response went something like, wait, what? I've always been told I come across very confident. I'm known as a strong female. During my time with her and reading her books, I've come to realize in certain settings, I was viewing myself as less than someone else. Therefore, my confidence and voice never really showed up. Ridiculous, right? But it was a thing. Since then, I've worked hard on how I'm showing up in all settings and becoming conscious of when this begins happening. To stop it. Fast forward to this week when I was talking to a well respected leader at work about my career aspirations. His parting words to me were, you are severely undervaluing yourself. Cue that confidence demon once again. So here we go again, back to square one, or maybe square two as there have been a lot of progress to date. The great news is I have a playbook for it now and as I conquer this, it will only make me stronger. Anyone else suffer from this? Maybe you don't even realize it's happening. The question becomes, how am I showing up? I promise you, if you do the work to fix the confidence issues, the impact is massive. So I love this post so much because not only was she being incredibly honest and vulnerable, but she was self reflecting right in the moment when I first started working with her, which was only, I wanna say, six weeks ago. We haven't been working together very long at all. The progress I've seen this woman make is mind blowing. There are different kinds of people in the world, right? There's really good students, people that wanna suck up information, implement it and take action fast. She's one of those people. Some people are a little bit more resistant, you know, they want to do things on a slower scale, you know, move a little bit slower. That's fine too. It's up to everybody. But this woman likes to move fast and I like moving fast. So it's a lot of fun for me to work with her because I know that if she implements a couple of the changes that we've discussed, that she'll take off and she has. It's crazy and it's so fun to watch. Okay, so I love that. Not only did she self reflect back to the beginning when we started working together, that she did not. She had a block up to this idea that she had a confidence issue. So here's one of the things that's important around perspective is that, you know, when we're around the same people every day, when we ask the same questions, when we roll in the same circle, we become blind to what our blind spots are because we're hanging with the same people. There's no one to come in and say, well, whoa, hang on, I need to get your attention. You're way off base here. Which was the opportunity I had to have that discussion with her. And when she decided to invest in herself and hire me and we had that discussion, at first it was hard for her to hear, but Immediately she started showing up differently because someone had alerted her that this was a problem. She didn't know it was a problem before. She didn't have that perspective, that insight. As soon as she had it, she was able to address it. So that's really empowering. And that's why, whether you hire a coach or if you don't, if you're not gonna do that, start hanging with different people. Start hanging with people who are light years ahead of you. Start getting into different discussions with different people with different perspectives so that you can start turning those questions on yourself and self reflecting. Right? So it's really important not to stay in those same circles, not to just sit with your own thoughts, because we will have blind spots that we aren't aware of and until we become aware, we can't fix them. This woman fixed her so fast, it was crazy to see. I also loved that here she was out at a work conference and not only was she stepping into fear yet again, stepping out of her comfort zone, going up to speak to a super high level executive and engage in conversation to advance herself. Kudos to you. And every moment were either creating confidence or chipping away at it. And she was throwing herself into the fire. Thank goodness. She did. Had this amazing discussion only to find out that she was undervaluing herself. That means this super high level executive was looking at her in the eyes and saying, you are worth more than you even see. Okay? So yet again, she was getting perspective from someone who was light years ahead of her, saying, you are more valuable than you even understand. Okay? Those are the moments you run back home and you write it down because you can't forget that.

Okay?

Someone who's light years ahead of me just told me this. That means I need to raise the bar on myself. Raise the bar on the expectations for me, raise the bar on the asks for me. I need to go for more. I've been shrinking and I didn't see it. Right. And this is after this woman's been doing six weeks of work, very much dedicated to confidence and going bigger. And now she was just. She got that outside perspective again. You can still go for more. And she is right. So it was this. She took the feedback really well because she had, you know, had a similar experience six weeks ago and we started working together and that worked for her. She was able to process this really well and, and what she's about to do. I just had a meeting with her two days ago. It's incredible what's gonna happen in the next week. Incredible. And I can already see it because I can see the momentum she's building. I can see the confidence shift within herself. And now to hear, I didn't really need to hear how people valued her at work. Cause I already knew. It was so clear to me. She's incredible. And now for her to have that articulated to her from some of the highest level leadership at her company, I mean, it's like they just handed her the pen to say, you go ahead and write the check to yourself. You got this, right? So you got to start somewhere. Start small, start anywhere. Start by asking for help. Start by investing in yourself. Start by self reflecting. Start by reading a book, watching a TED talk. I don't care what it is. Of course I recommend overcome your villains and confidence creator to begin with. But sidebar, you know, wherever you want to start, just start. Make the commitment, write it down, get clear on it. Start self reflecting. Start taking the steps to advance yourself to that next level. I'm so proud of this woman. I literally look forward to our meeting every single week because she blows me away. You know, they say when the student's ready, the teacher will appear. That's true in my life. That's true in all of our lives. When we're ready to really do the work, self reflect and just go all in, you'll find that that teacher's gonna be available to you and you're gonna be ready to do that work. So why not today? You know, one of the things I look back on in my career is I always say I wish I had left that radio business 10 years before I did. Right? I ended up getting fired at the end of 2017. I wish I had left back in 2007. Right. I would be 10 years ahead in my business right now, killing it. If 10 years ago was the right time for you to invest in yourself, for you to launch your personal brand, for you to lean into your competence, your speaking abilities and go for more. Then today is the only time. Permission granted. Go for it and go for it now. And I'm so glad my client did because this is going to be her biggest year ever. Literally. And I can't wait to tell you guys more. It's so exciting.

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I did get a question I wanted to share with you. It came from a DM on LinkedIn. Hi, my name's Chris and I was a top sales exec for many years. Hit a burnout period. I totally get that. Bounced out of the industry due to Covid. I get that too. I've got a big family. I've got a lot of financial responsibility. I want to get back into sales. He's made a shift into something different. Right now however, I'm having a Difficult time getting in front of those right companies. Is there a way you could provide some support or guidance? Since COVID I took up a smaller job than what he was doing before just to pay the bills and focus on just getting by. I totally get that. Respect that. However, now I'm starting to say, okay, I need to get back to that next level again. You know, I want to get back into a big sales job. I need to start relationship building. I want to start helping people. I want to get back to what I was doing. Any help you can provide me is appreciated. Okay, so a couple of things. One, here's what's great. He's got clarity on what he wants to do. So, like anything, set a goal. Now, give yourself a timeline. Give yourself a deadline, because a goal without a deadline is a dream, and it's great to have dreams. But I'd rather see you execute. I'd rather have you have a plan, right? So give yourself. I'm making it up. 90 days to find that right opportunity. Write it down on a piece of paper. Put that end date down there. It's just like, if you're gonna lose five pounds and you say, I'm doing it by 30 days, you're gonna map out your progress. Same thing with finding a job. Same thing with going bigger, going to the next level, asking for a raise, anything. Get clear on your intention. Write down your commitment, what you're gonna create, what you're gonna speak into existence. Give yourself a deadline. Have someone in your life hold you accountable. Maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's your friend. Maybe it's someone that's a business contact for you. Say, hey, here's what I'm working on. Love your help. Check in with me weekly. Push me. I want you to say, how many meetings did you have this week? Right? You need to hold yourself accountable. So put an accountability program in place. I have a free email accountability program@heathermonahan.com. it's free. It's every day for 30 days. You're gonna get me browbeating you about. Let's go. Time to go to the next level. Time to go bigger. It's free. Sign up. It's great. Okay, so for Chris, you know, everything is a numbers game. Finding a job is a numbers game. You have circles of influence in your life. So the first thing I would start with is I start reaching out to trusted contacts and letting them know, hey, here's my intention, here's my goal, here's my plan. I'm working on. How can you Help. Do you have any contacts, any ideas for me? Right? You want to just start putting. Putting the word out there what you're working on, because you never know six degrees of separation. When you start speaking this thing into existence to a lot of different people, someone's gonna say, oh, my gosh, so random. You just said that to me. My uncle's hiring for a sales executive. Let me put in a good word for you and get you an interview, right? You don't know. So start tapping people in your circle. Tap. This is where networks really pay off, right? Build your network skill. Care for your networks. Help your networks. I just saw an announcement that a woman who had hired me for a big speaking engagement last year got promoted immediately. I shot her an email. I said, I just want to tell you I'm so proud of you. You know, I'm such a fan of yours. I want you to know I'm always here cheering on. If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know. We're not doing business together today. I'm sure we'll do business again in the future. But I didn't send that because of business. I sent it because I was proud of her. Right? And she's in my network, and I care. So take the minute or two minutes to recognize people, reach out to them, check in on them. That way, when you are in need of something, you can reach out and say, hey, you know, we haven't spoken in a couple months. Was wondering if you had any contacts that you're aware of that might be looking for salespeople. I'm looking to get back in. I know that you and I have worked together and just thought I'd reach out and see if you had any idea. You just don't know where that conversation can go. So that's number one. Your network is huge. Start working. It's. And that can be family, friends, church, anything, Right? Start letting people know what you're working on. Start asking for help in your network. You'll be pleasantly surprised 99% of the time. Okay. That's number one. Number two, you need to start doing your homework. So I would put together a list of my top 10 targets, right? The more specific we get. Those that deal in specifics seldom fail. Those that deal in generalities seldom succeed. So you want to get really specific. I would map out a plan of 10 different companies that are my target goal companies. And I don't care if you think it's a stretch. That's not up for you to determine. You Just map out what you would love to have happen. Right? Do your homework and research on each one of those. Write them down on your target list. Put it somewhere you're gonna see it every single day. And start mapping out who are the hiring managers. Start reaching out to them, send them DMs. Start reaching out to the HR department. Start, you know, looking in your circles. Who's connected to one of those people in your circle that can introduce you to those people. Start opening the doors that you need and want to open. Right? Don't wait for someone to call you. Update your resume. That's really important. And one of the things that I would do, and I appreciate when people did this for me, is when they customize the resume for the job that I have open. Go the extra mile, do the work. So few people want to actually do the work that if you take the time to research the company, write a really thorough and thoughtful cover letter. I went in to work with a huge company two weeks ago, I believe it was. I researched every single person I was gonna meet with so that when I had the one to one time to sit down with them, and we are in these negotiations about bringing me in to train their salesforce, I knew everything about these people. I could bring up how impressed I was with their diversity inclusion efforts and how I had seen that they had just had Will Smith as a keynote speaker. And I wanted to hear how that event went. And, you know, do your homework. It blows people away. It shows that you care, that you put the time and effort in. And if you're willing to do that in a meeting, what are you gonna do when you actually work with people? You're gonna do that same thing. You're gonna go that extra mile. So separate yourself from the sea of mediocrity out there. Take the time, do the work to really show up and shine. Okay. Other things you can do, get reviews and recommendations of your work. If you haven't done it yet, today is the day. Start dialing for dollars. Call everybody and anybody. You know, send emails. Hey, would love a huge favor. I know that you gave me great feedback when we worked together. Do you mind jotting it down in the email from me? I'm looking for a new opportunity right now. I would so appreciate it. Send out 50 of those. Right. Again, it's a numbers game. People don't respond. Who cares? Move on to the next one. Right. It doesn't change your life. It's not gonna change theirs. But people like to help other people. If you generally had A good exchange with these people. Why wouldn't they want to help you? Oh, yeah, sure, Chris, no problem. Happy to shoot you over a note today. I'll do it this afternoon. Right? Most people are happy to do it. And then start including those references and reviews of your work. When you're pitching yourself for these jobs, when you're reaching out to these hiring managers, make it about the hiring manager. Make it about the company, not about you. So one of the strategies, sales 101 is make it about the other person. Put yourself in their shoes. I think this is such a smart approach. When you send an email to a hiring manager, say, hey Tom, I know you have had this job open for the past couple weeks. I'm sure you're sitting on thousands of resumes or hundreds of resumes and you haven't found the right person. Let me help you. Your search can stop now. I am the right person for you. I saw what you are looking for and who the top producers are on your team and I want to share with you how I can add value. Just like they have to do your homework and start highlighting their top performers. I saw that Todd is your number one producer and he's doing it because of ABC and D. I can add value in that same way. I also saw that you're leading initiative in the company where blah blah blah is important to you. I can support you in that endeavor as well. Right? Make it about what's important to them, what's working for them. Talk about their culture, do the work so you understand it and then make it about all the key things that are important to these people. And maybe they have a huge give back program. Talk about how you've supported give back programs in your life and how important that is to and how smart that is. Right? Do the homework, make it about them and what's important to them. And then show how you tie in and fit perfectly and that you're that perfect person for that opportunity. Then get face to face. Don't do everything over email. People are so easy to say no to over email.

Think about it.

If you send a text or an email to someone, hey, can you help me to find a job? It's very easy not to answer now. Try saying that same thing to somebody when you're standing face to face with them at Starbucks. The other person's got to say something. They don't just drop to the ground and roll away like there's a fire, right? They have to say something. Well, Chris, let me think about who I can Reach out to right. Go face to face. This is always gonna be my advice. And this is why I hated the pandemic more than anything. Cause it pulled that rug out from underneath us, which, ugh, was horrible. If something's important to you, if you wanna get a deal done, get face to face with people. Ask them. Looking in their eyes. Read their body language. Allow your confidence to show up, your passion to show up so people feel your energy and watch what happens. Gosh, it's so good when you go face to face. Okay, so those are some great tips and tactics to get started. Give yourself the deadline, hold yourself accountable. Reach out to the network. It's a numbers game. Start applying, update the resume, get the reviews and recommendations. Ask for help you might end up wanting to hire. There are plenty of coaches out there that work with placement for people. There's plenty of recruiters out there. P.S. it's an employee market right now. This is the time to be an employee. So start reaching out to those people that can help you, who already know about the opportunities that exist and can help position you for those right ones. Get a recruiter. Okay, that's some of my advice for Chris. Chris, best of luck to you. Keep me updated and let me know how it goes.

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This was the most incredible. I have to read this to you. This is so exciting. Okay. Every once in a while I go check on my. I check on my little books, my books. Confidence Creator and Overcome youe Villains. And I go look at how they're performing, how they're ranking. Oh, my gosh. The audible version of Overcome youe Villains is killing it. It's ranked. I believe today it was number 25 on the Amazon Audible list for women in business books. And I'm so proud of it. If you haven't heard it yet, I go off the grid at the end of every chapter. I just riff and I talk about. Because when you write a book, you write it a year and a half before it ever comes out, right? So things change. So when I was reading the Audible book with my producer right before it came out, I thought, well, I gotta update this. So we decided just to riff at the end of every chapter. And I would just speak my mind and talk about what's happened since then. So I think it's so cool. It's more relevant than the print book. But, you know, if you're a print person, get the print one. But I'm just giving the inside track. The Audible version crushes it. And apparently Audible thinks so too. Cause it is really crushing it in the rankings. Okay, so I was checking my reviews. Cause I'm. I wanna know what people have to say, right? Data doesn't lie. And data is gonna help you make better decisions. So look at the data, read the reviews of your work and see what people are saying. So you can do more of the good stuff and gravitate away from the stuff that doesn't land as well. Right? Okay, so here we go. This. Oh, my gosh. This review made me feel like, okay, I'm making a difference. Okay. I found out what I'm actually supposed to be doing, right? Cause aren't we always questioning ourselves about that? Like, am I doing the right things? Am I in the right place? Is this the right business? But I have these moments and I save these things in a file called Fam Love on My Phone. If you don't do that, please start. Anytime you have a bad day, go look at your Fam Love folder and you'll feel so happy, it'll remind you why you're doing what you're doing. Because we all have bad days, peeps. Okay? You are not alone. I'm right there with you. Okay, so this is one of the reviews. It says, do yourself a favor and buy it. This book is full of knowledge, tips and. And storytelling. The value that Heather put into this book is incomparable. Oh my gosh, that makes me so happy. And P.S. i don't know this person. The PDF allows you to focus on yourself and get the work done to better understand important sections of the book. I loved it and enjoyed every part. I wasn't expecting the behind the scenes and it made the book even more relatable. I told you, it's so good. I truly love that part. The passion and authenticity by which this book is written. Heather's perseverance and resilience are really inspiring. Highly, super, deeply recommended. Thanks, Heather. Your tips and experiences are your legacy and I truly appreciate that you shared them with us. All of the ups and the downs. I will continue to recommend your book to my friends and connections. I love this. This is going in the fam love file. This reminds me that I am on the right path, you know? And when you have these moments, we all second guess. Gosh, going through the last two years, I second guessed everything. Should I go back to corporate America? What am I doing working for myself in a global pandemic? It's the worst time ever, right? The speaking business disappeared overnight. It just felt like everything was going wrong. And then I read a review like that and think, stay the course, Heather. Stay the course. So no matter where you are in your journey, if you're trying to figure out what your purpose and passion are, or maybe you're on a path, but you're second guessing yourself sometimes.

Or.

Or maybe you're super clear on it, but you still have struggles, right? Like it doesn't matter. All of those things are real and those moments change and transition and you can revisit them again. I promise you that. I was so clear on my purpose and passion and mission when I wrote my first book and started getting the feedback, it was wild. Then when I launched this podcast, I knew for sure. Then when I launched my speaking career, I was so clear. People would come up screaming to me at events. I was 100% clear. And then the pandemic hit and everything kind of disappeared. And I second guessed everything, right? So there's gonna be moments, these mic drop moments where something happens and you gotta reevaluate and wonder and think about it. Those are the Moments to hang on to the fam love file. Those are the moments to look back at the feedback and remind yourself, you are making a difference. And if you're not, start trying and testing different things. When I got fired, I had no idea what I was gonna do. If someone had told me at the end of 2017, I would be the author of two books, that I would have a podcast, that I'd have a speaking career, that I'd have a TedX talk, that I'd be on the board of directors of Health Link, I would have been like, what are you talking about? Where is this coming from? I'm from the media world. That's not what I'm supposed to do. But you know what? You have to step into the unknown to start figuring it out. No one lays it on your table and says, here, here's the blueprint. You're welcome. You have to test and try different things, listen to yourself, and trust yourself. And it's not all seamless. And a great example of that is, I remember a year ago, someone said, you need to sell your condo. The Florida market's incredible. I reached out to a realtor, and they told me, basically, I wasn't even gonna be able to get what I paid for my condo in 2005. So I said, forget it. This is ridiculous. I completely forgot about it until a couple of weeks ago. My neighbor came and told me what she sold her condo for. And she said, you have to speak to my realtor. Out of nowhere, she dropped this on me. So serendipitous. Thank you, universe. The universe works in strange ways, but it is magic. And so this realtor came and said, I can have this thing sold for more than you bought it for in a week or two. And he did. However, it's been so long since I've sold a property. You know, the last time I sold a pro, I sold my house in Naples in 2005 when I bought my condo. I'm now in Miami, so I haven't sold anything in whatever it is, 16, 17 years. So I forgot. And so apparently, yes. It's so exciting when you engage into a contract with a buyer, which has happened, but then suddenly there's all of these trials and tribulations that come up that are contingencies, possibilities as to why something might not happen. You know, and there's an inspection that has to occur, and then there's different deposits that occur. You know, I just. I completely forgot about all these things. So I've gone from being super excited to, oh, My gosh. I have to find a new place for Dylan and I to live to. Wait a minute. I gotta refocus on actually closing this deal first before I leap ahead and taking it one step at a time and making sure we pass each level so we can go to that next. And it has been not seamless, but I promise this. What will happen is I'm pretty sure this whole thing will work out. It's going to be a lot of work and a lot of headaches, but I'm pretty sure it's all going to work out. I'm pretty sure we'll find something great. I don't know where it'll be, you know, in a month and a half from now, who knows where we will live? But I just have faith. It's going to be great. We'll work it out. But the funny thing is, picture it. A month and a half from now, and everyone says, you know, I find some great place, and we're super happy. We're out of a building. We've been in a building for 16 years. You know, who knows? And I just have a feeling one day someone's gonna say something like, oh, my gosh, everything always goes so easy for you. And that's why I'm sharing this with you. This is not easy. I'm literally having to. I have a leak in my shower that just happened. I have to rip up the entire shower. The amount of work we're gonna have to do here in the next two weeks is insane. Totally unexpected. I was clueless to all of this, and it's been an interesting experience, and it is going to be a hectic month. But I do firmly believe you've got to trust your instinct, trust your gut, and just know that I feel really good about this. I know it's gonna be a lot of work. I know it's a lot of headaches, but I just feel like it's all meant to be and it's gonna work out. And I have that same feeling for you. So listen to yourself. Listen to your intuition over everything and anything else. Step into your confidence. Ten years ago was the right time. Right now is the only time. And please share the show. If you love this show, please share it on social media. When you tag me, you immediately enter to win either the audible version of Confidence Creator or an audio version of Overcome youe Villains. And I'm telling you, you're gonna love both of them. So please tag me if you like this episode. That's how I know that you like the episode and I can create more content like this. That's really the only feedback I can get other than reviews from you. Both are super appreciated. Please tag me. Please share the show with one person you love. That's how we grow these shows and can keep making more content for you. So until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I'm gonna make them my own again. I decided to change that dynamic. How do you like their mouth? I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.