#24: The Secret to Unlocking Your Brain with John Assaraf

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Each week. When you join me here, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. Come on this journey with me. Hi and welcome back to Creating Confidence. I'm so excited you're here. We are less then two weeks from my TED talk October 26th. So I am so getting in the zone and I have so much to tell you about it. But first I have to share something with you that I'm literally blown away by. I got the opportunity to jump on skillshare this weekend. Just like you're gonna get a free opportunity because you know I'm giving you a deal. Skillshare blew me away. I don't know if you've been on the site yet. You need to check it out. There are so many, so many different classes, lessons, and it's mind blowing how good they are and they're not long. I thought to myself, I don't have any flipping time this weekend to look at skillshare. But I'm so glad I did, because you know what I figured out how to do in one hour? I took a class on how to take the best pictures with your iPhone. I was doing it completely wrong. I mean, why had no one taught me about this stuff before? It's crazy. So skillshare, it's online learning community. Thousands of amazing classes cover dozens of creative and entrepreneurial skills. And photography. Hello. You can take classes on anything from photography to creative writing, productivity, and so, so much more. I even saw Gary Vee has a class on there. Not kidding. There's something for you. And they're short. It's not like you have to do, you know, a three month class. You're getting major takeaways in an hour. That was the class that I took, was one hour long. So cool. So please check it out. I mean, literally, lifelong learning is important to all of us. One of the best ways to create confidence in yourself is to teach yourself a new school, a new skill, master a new skill, and invest in yourself. All of these things are accomplished through skillshare. Definitely. I really loved it. So join the millions of students already learning on skillshare. And of course, I have a special offer for you. You're going to get two, two months of skillshare for free. I can't even believe this. That's right. Skillshare is offering Creating Confidence listeners two months of unlimited access to thousands of classes for free. You have to check it Out. It's free to sign up. Go to Skillshare.com confidence again. Go to Skillshare.com Confidence to start your two months now. Skillshare.com confidence. You're seriously going to thank me for this because I'm telling you, these classes are unbelievable. And I'm going to make my child take a couple of them too. So I'll get back to you on what he thinks, but you definitely have to check it out. It's two months for free. And I can't wait to get the DMS from you guys saying thank you, Heather. We loved it. Okay, so back to the TED Talk. I really kicked it into high gear this morning. I mean, I am so focused. I let my child. I'm like, mom is focused on nothing but the TED Talk right now. Everyone out of my way. And it's so funny. I remembered when my son was leaving elementary school, he had a big speech. He was running for president, it was last year, and he hit some road bumps and they wouldn't let him do his speech. And 24 hours out, we had to write a new speech. Anyway, I found out about this amazing woman. She's a speaker coach. And I took my son to her the day before his speech and she really built confidence in him. She's. Oh, gosh, she had such great energy. And this is all she does is take, teach people how to speak. I woke up this morning and I thought, you know what, what do I have to lose? I'm calling her. So I called her and I said, listen, I know I speak all the time and it sounds a little weird, but I'm doing a 10 minute TED talk. It has to hit the mark. Precisely. It is going to be scrutinized tremendously. Of course the haters are gonna come. Hurrah, hurray. And I just wanna make sure I put my best foot forward, that I try my hardest. You know, a lot of people never get the do a TED Talk. God knows I was rejected so many times that I, I just really want to. I want to do the best possible job. I don't ever want to look back. And I know you'll totally get this and see that video and say, oh, my gosh, I can't believe I didn't get a good night's sleep and I look like crap. Or I can't believe I froze and didn't practice enough. You know, I want to be original, be me on my feet, but I also want to put the work in so that it comes out great. So, so I booked an appointment with her. I'm going to see her tomorrow. I'm so excited. I love this lady, and I'm sure she's going to give me some good feedback, some ways I can improve. And if nothing else, it gives me the chance to take a little mini stage in front of an audience, you know, when I have less than two weeks before my talk. So I'm so flipping excited. And the next two weeks are crazy for me. So this is definitely. It's going to help. So this weekend, something funny happened. My son was going to a football game with all of the people from his football team, and they were going to a college football game, and it was at night, and he's never done something like this. I was so annoyed because I basically had to sit on standby to go pick him up. He calls me from the game and says, mom, I've got a problem. However, I've got a solution. I said, oh, yeah? Okay, what is going on? I can't even imagine. He tells me, the coach lost the keys to the van. All the kids were riding together, and. And he said, however, one of my friends, the family, lives literally five minutes from here. So I know you're far, mom, but I can get a ride to his house. I'll drop a pin as soon as I get there. Follow the pin, and you can come pick me up there. And I was so proud of him that, yes, he called to communicate there was an issue. They didn't know if they would get a ride back to school, which is where I had dropped him and where I was supposed to pick him up. And so he created his own solution and thought it through before he called me. And I was just, gosh, I was so happy about that. But it just reminded me as a leader in business, I always would say to people, come up with at least one, if not three, solutions to your challenges before you come see me. So I know that you've tried or attempted to brainstorm on your own and empower yourself to fix challenges and problems, and I'm just so happy to see. He either picked up on that by hearing me talk to other people, or maybe I have him do that as well. I'm not sure. But it definitely was so exciting. So this week, I am so fanning out by who my guest is, you cannot believe it. If you have ever seen the movie the Secret, well, you better have, because I saw the movie the Secret a year ago in September, and I swear to you, it changed my life. And I'm going to tell you why? I was going back and forth, toggling between, yeah, my book's out and it's doing okay. But, you know, I don't know, maybe I should go back to corporate America. But, you know, I'm doing all right on my own. But I'm not quite to the tipping point, you know, I was like, back and forth. And my friend's husband said to me, I'll never forget, it was Labor Day weekend. He said, listen, you can't be standing on one side of a river saying, I know I can make it and jump, but I'm just not ready to do it yet. So I'll wait and see if a better time comes along. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. He's like, what is that? Who does that? You're either all in or you're out. You're keeping yourself out. He said, you're holding yourself back. And I hadn't thought about it that way. However, when I got home, we were at the breakers, which is, oh my gosh, one of my favorite places in the world to go on vacation. We were there for the night. I went home. I didn't have my son. My ex husband had him that night. And I sat on the couch and I turned on Netflix, of course. And wouldn't you know, the secret just pulled popped up on movies I should watch. And I watched it and I was blown away because it echoed the same message that my friend's husband gave me at the breakers, but in detail and with a lot more story and a lot more direction. And it just was one of those moments that I thought, this is not by chance, this is by design. And I have to listen and take action. And I wrote everything down from that movie. And one of the leads in the movie I just really connected with. You know, what's funny is one of them I really was turned off by. Come to find out that person has done some bad things because I googled him and figured it out. But the one person I'm talking about, John, I just felt, wow, I love how he talks to his kids and I just really connect to him. So fast forward, you know that I'm always tweeting at people Dming people on Instagram. And I tweeted at John, I would love it if I could have you on my show someday. And he tweeted back to me, yeah, for sure. You know, why don't you email my assistant? So anyways, I. He had me do a pre call with him before. He lives in San Diego before I came out and he was exactly how I thought he would be. So in advance of meeting him, he had a free webinar that he was hosting about accessing your mind and tapping into your power. And I did the free webinar. Of course, I bought the entire course. This is weeks before I went to his house. I took the course. He has some unbelievable hypnosis style tracks on there, visualization tracks that I used when I went to interview Sarah Blakely. And I was nervous and it really helped me. He has this awareness with breathing. It's flipping unbelievable. And I have to tell you, not only was I fanning out about meeting him, not only do I love his course and his book Inner Size, but I'll tell you, he's just. He's such a great guy and he and his message really help me. I know they're going to help you. I love this flipping interview. And whenever I leave someone's house, I always take notes so I don't forget because sometimes there's a lag. For example, this show I recorded a couple weeks ago. So I'm going to read to you the notes that I took because I think it's so cute. Okay. Arriving at John's home, I had my new recording equipment and I had no idea how to use it. I'm laughing because I'm just remembering this. I had just taken an Uber to his home in San Diego from LA because I couldn't figure out any other way, which was insane. And I was beyond excited to record this show immediately. John welcomed me into his home. He introduced me to his wife and they were both so kind and hospitable. They were amazing. They got me water and we sat and talked. I had joined his online community and I was so excited to share my thoughts with him. I shared that I had just left the Podcast One headquarters where someone was telling me that manifesting and the Allah of Attraction is bs. He was completely unfazed. He shared that he'd gone on countless shows answering that exact concern and. And that he typically would respond with the example of the placebo effect in medicine, which is well documented and illustrates that the mind has the power to heal the body. Without medicine, it's pretty, pretty powerful. He then went on to explain to me that there is energy and frequency, and changing the channel, quote, unquote, on a radio station is exactly the same as changing our frequency and allowing us to tune in to different opportunities. After we talked for a while, he set up my equipment for me. He was so good, and when he got stuck, he said, let's FaceTime your producer. And we showed her what was happening, and she talked us through it. I literally had no idea how to do it. So it was so amazing that he's tech savvy and helpful. So, so nice. Then we went down to his office, we recorded the show, and the show is so good. Wait, I can't. I'm dying for you to hear this interview next. You're gonna love it. He was so excited after to share the story of one of his community members and how she had been suffering her whole life. A suicidal mother, a father who talked down to her. Her father had even handed the mother a knife in front of his daughter and demanded she just get it over with and end her life. This is not made up. This is true. This is someone in John's community. But since joining John's program and community, this woman had made major gains. And John asked me to find her in the community, stay tuned in, and encourage her along with the major leaps this girl would be making, because he was so excited and proud of her. And it was so genuine. I have to let you know that he really cares so much about the people in his community. Then he autographed my book. I had bought his book, Inner Size. I brought it with me. He autographed for it, autographed it for me. And he reiterated that the goal I had just made and make me realize how important the details were, that I had to give myself an end date for my goal and really claim it. And this was a piece that I had been leaving out. I hadn't added the timeline, and that was key in manifesting. So you're going to hear this in the interview. But he really opened my mind to why I hadn't been achieving certain things that I was trying to achieve. I had never given it a deadline, which is crazy. I give everything a deadline. What was I thinking? All right. Those that deal in specific seldom fail. Those that deal in generality seldom succeed. Then we joined his wife in the living room. I shared that my good friend actually knew them, my good friend Nikki. And they said, have her come over. And I said, oh, my gosh, she's coming to pick me up right now. It was actually her birthday.

We.

We all laughed. We had such a great time talking. Nikki ended up coming in. We were all hanging out. They were telling us how they met and how their relationship began. John turned the conversation to me, and he began advising me on how to grow my business and why he doesn't love the speaking business because it's not passive income. And how I'd be better off to focus my efforts on passive income and creating community and online opportunities. And boom. Great advice. I was replicating what I used to do, my old job, which was fly around the country doing things that I had to be on site for. And now I'm doing the same thing with speaking. And while I love it, that isn't a long term plan. And he really opened my eyes to that. So time to pivot.

Why not build it online?

I mean, come on. So I so appreciated his advice. He then thanked me and told me if I could launch his episode around the middle of October, it would help him because he's doing another online event like the one that webinar that I signed up for originally when I was becoming familiar with his community and his digital course, et cetera. So the trip was so worth it. It was such a great trip. He's such a great guy. And inside my book he wrote, heather, you are amazing. 1 million downloads. Yes, with gratitude, John Assaraf. So he's the best. Such a great guy. I can't wait for you to listen to this interview. You're gonna love everything he has to say and. And I can't wait. I can't wait to hear what you think. I'm just, I'm really fired up, I think. It's not like any other interview that I've heard him do and I've heard all of them. But before you go, I need to tell you, if you don't know your numbers, you don't know your business. But the problem growing businesses have that keeps them from knowing their numbers is the hodgepodge business systems they have in place. They have one system for accounting, one for sales, one for inventory, and none of them speak to each other. And they all take up too much time, too too many resources. And that crushes your bottom line. Introducing netsuite by Oracle. The business management software that handles every aspect of your business in an easy to use cloud platform, giving you the visibility and control you need to grow your bottom line. With netsuite, you save time, money and unneeded headaches. And right now, netsuite is offering you valuable insights with a free guide. I mean always free. I love this. 7 key strategies to grow your profits@netuite.com Monahan go get it right now. It's free. Netsuite.com Monahan and download your free guide. 7 key strategies to grow your profits. Who doesn't want to grow profits? And you get it for free. Netsuite.com Monahan Hang tight. You're about to meet my friend, John. Hi and welcome back to Creating Confidence. I'm so fanning out right now, you cannot believe where I am. I'm in San Diego and you are going to flip for my guest. He's a two time New York Times best selling author. You may know him from the juggernaut movie the Secret amongst among many other cameos that he's had in a ton of different movies. But he's also wildly successful as an entrepreneur, having over five companies, multimillion dollar companies, and even one with revenues in the billions. He's turned his knowledge in business into a passion for the brain with his new book, Inner Size. He is going to teach us how to leapfrog the fear that we've got and go after our passion. Thank you, John Acera, for being with me.

It's so great to have you here in San Diego and at my home.

Oh my gosh, it's amazing. Thank you so much for inviting me in.

You're welcome. It's great to have you here.

Oh, thank you. Okay. So I mentioned to you, John, that I was exposed to the Secret, the movie, only a year ago. And at that time, 44 years old, I thought that idea of the Law of Attraction sounded like BS and with a background in corporate America and you're supposed to, you know, go to school and this is how things work and work hard and that's how you make money. I, I truly struggled with that idea even though I had people in my life that were advocating for me to open up my mind to start believing in things and, and this idea of manifestation. So you were, and I told you this, the personality on the movie that I connected most with. There's a great scene in the movie, for anyone who hasn't seen it, where you're with your son and how gentle you were with your son in that scene and explaining to him your vision boards and the realizations that you were having and how you manifested it. Really, it locked me in and I, you know, since then I've researched you, I've watched you on so many shows, read your book and I mean, I'm all in now and I want everyone to have access to your story, your amazing story.

Thank you. You know, when the movie the Secret came out, there were some amazing pieces to it around the fact that everything in the universe that we see and don't see is made up of energy, whether it's a particle or a wave. A wave is a potential particle and it really opened up people's minds to the possibility that I am creating my reality. And so I think the premise of the movie was great in that, you know, we become what we think about and feel and do most of the time. Which is also a spin from Napoleon Hill's great work, Think and Grow Rich. Now, where I think the movie missed the mark a little bit was that there's also, like, if you think about the word or you consider the word, you know, attraction, the last six letters of that word is action. And I think the movie didn't go far enough to say, okay, yes, in addition to having positive thoughts and in addition to having these emotions, energy in motion is where the word emotion comes from. You have to have the law of Goya working for you as well. And I learned that when I was 19 years old. And it's the law of get off your ass and do the right things in the right order at the right time. So when you combine your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings with the right behaviors, now you have the equivalent of what you have. When a group of musicians gets together and each one's playing a different instrument, and they play and practice enough to get into harmony, they get into coherence. And when they're in coherence, the piano fits into the guitar, which fits into the trombone that fits into any of the other instruments. Just when the perfection is there, most people don't think about, well, how do I get my life, my thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviors aligned so that I am working in harmony with the laws of nature, the seen and the unseen. So that is where a lot of people got this idea of, wow, maybe when I'm in resonance, when I'm in harmony, I'm actually, and I'm going to put this in quotes for everybody to remember, attracting things that I really want. I like to have people think of it slightly differently versus attracting like a magnet, becoming aware like one. And that is what we can have a little bit of fun with. There's really unpacking some of that.

Well, I like the analogy you shared with me before we started the podcast with the tuning fork and that that energy. And when you hit that tuning fork, you all of a sudden see a chandelier vibrate.

Yeah. Tuning fork, a piano key, the A440 on the piano key, you know, can get a chandelier to start vibrating 15, 20ft away. And the reason is because the vibration, the resonance field is there. And, you know, back in the day, Nikola Tesla, who really was one of the geniuses of our Time that realized that everything is made up of energy. And you can use energy in a variety of different ways. We can also remember that we have 100 trillion cells that make up our body, which is made up mostly of the molecules hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and carbon. So even though when we look at our hand, you can't see the hydrogen or oxygen, you can't see it. But if you looked at your hand through an electron microscope, you'd be able to see this vibrating packet, a variety of different energy fields. And so when we think about our body being this coalesced energy field, every thought we have changes. The molecular vibration of every atom, every thought that our brain has, the most powerful organism in the known universe, releases these other chemical and electrical signals, okay? That causes the atoms of our very essence, our bodies, to vibrate at a different level. So when you think of a positive thought and dopamine is released in your brain when you share it with somebody else, and oxytocin is released by your brain into your bloodstream, you're feeling that yourself. But when you're sharing with somebody else, they're feeling it also. Feeling is nothing more than awareness of the vibration I am in, awareness of the vibration you are in, or the things around me, or the ideas or thoughts that I have. So when we are releasing or reading bits of information from this field that we live in, we are either in resonance and harmony and coherence with things, or we're experiencing dissonance. We're experiencing this incoherent pattern that we don't like. And so everything is energy, everything is vibrating. And we could learn how to be more in harmony and coherence with what it is that we want. We can learn how to be aware of stopping to think about the stuff that we don't want. Because as soon as we think of what we don't want, we're actually producing the neurochemical of what we don't want. It is going through our bloodstream, causing a hundred trillion of our cells to vibrate at the level of what we don't want. And then we wonder why we keep seeing it. So this is where the evolution of our species is really going to now, is to be deliberate, to be conscious of our own evolution, to start using the most powerful tool we've known, you know, the brain. If you think about cell phones, everybody knows cell phones. In a 1 mile square radius of where you live, there's about, you know, a million cell phones can be handled, a million connections can be found in one inch of your brain. A million connections in one inch of your brain. And right now, even with the most advanced technology we have, we can't get more than a million connections in a square mile, your neighborhood. And so, just to give you an idea of the power that resides within you. And so the reason I get so excited, the reason I wrote the book Inner Size, is we're finally getting a little bit the user's manual of how do we use our brains better? How do we understand our emotions, how do we manage our feelings so that we are doing more of what we love, we are feeling better, we're more aware, more alive, more focused, so that we can do the things that bring us more joy and meaning and purpose in our lives versus getting caught up in this web of negativity, whether it's negative thoughts or emotions that propagate and create more of that that we don't want. So that's the fun part.

Well, that's the part that I'm really working on. So that's why I'm so glad to be here with you as you've really mastered this. So when you are feeling fear, for example, which, you know, for me, I was in a job, I was afraid to leave for a long time, that's very real to anybody in that moment to leave the relationship, leave that situation. How can you retrain your mind to not see that as something's holding you back?

So in order to understand fear, earlier you and I talked about there's over 50 different types of fear. But let's understand our brain just a little bit. So, like, what is the hierarchy of the brain's functionality? 25% of all of our calories our brain uses, it's made up of, you know, fat and water mostly, and neural connections. And why am I going there? Well, number one, the number one priority of yours and my brain is safety above all else, right? Safety for your life, emotional safety, physical safety, financial safety, family safety. That's the number one priority. It has been wired into this organism for billions of years. We've walked on earth for just over 2 million years in one form of human or another, and its number one priority is survival. So it is highly, highly, highly, highly trained to be aware of anything, real or imagined, that can hurt us, kill us, or cause us harm. So when we think, for example, of leaving a job that pays us, that pays our bills, that pays for our clothes and food and shelter and gives us, you know, the comforts that we want, any real or imagined pain triggers the neurochemistry at a subconscious level. That we call is fear. So what we have to understand is if you're driving your car down the street, a light pops up on your dash. Do you get angry or worried about the light?

Some people might. Some people might.

But usually a light is a signal. Hey, you've left the trunk open, or, hey, the back door is open and your child is sitting there. Oh, hey, your windshield washer fluid is low. You don't have enough gas to where you go. It is a signal to make you aware. Now, when fear, whether it's fear of failure, fear of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, judged, fear of not having enough money and not paying the bills, when that fear, okay, is activated, the first thing that happens is our motivational circuit is shut down and that fear circuit gets activated so that we run rampant based on what's in our memory bank and what could go wrong. So, first and foremost, if your fear signal kicks in, celebrate, because it's working beautifully. But you can evolve through a little bit of practice and what I call inner size to become aware of fear, to become aware of that, that anxiety emotion that fear gives you because cortisol and epinephrine or norepinephrine is running through your bloodstream, we don't like that. That's like a caffeine shot. Too much of a caffeine shot. It's uncomfortable. But when you become aware of fear and you go, okay, my fear circuit's activated, and I'm staying in a relationship that I'm not happy, staying in a job that I'm miserable in. I'm fearful to start my own business or my own podcast or. Or to pack up and go and travel and live my life the way I want to. And you can come up with all the things that cause the fear signal to activate. What we have to realize is that we are not our emotions. We are not our fears. We have emotions, we have fears based on the meaning that we have learned to give things that have been conditioned at the same time, subconscious level.

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Emotions are activated based on the feelings or, I'm sorry, the meanings that we give certain things or have learned to give certain things that causes this automatic reaction called fear. Now what if we can learn to become aware of this all automatic thing that we call fear is. And what if instead of reacting automatically, we can calm down and learn to respond?

That sounds powerful.

That sounds powerful. Navy seals are taught to not react underwater when Multiple other Navy SEALs are trying to turn off their airflow or take off their masks or create havoc underneath the wall. Panic. They're taught not to panic because in a panic state you're reacting. But a Navy SEAL whose life is on the line has to learn how to respond. Same with an astronaut, a firefighter or a pilot. Right? They have to learn how, through practice, deactivate the fear response in the brain, the amygdala and the sympathetic nervous system. And they need to learn how to deactivate it and activate the parasympathetic nervous system where they can actually think and go, okay, what should I do here? Is this real danger or imagined danger? Am I really at risk or is this something that I can manage? Most people have never been taught that emotions are okay. What's not okay is when emotions control you. That's not okay. And that's just because we've never been taught what are our core emotions, what does it feel like? And what do I do to deactivate the disempowering ones so that I could be in control and respond the way I want to? That's going to empower me and move me forward constructively versus disempower me and cause me to retreat back into my safety net, even though I'm being fearful because of some old idea that I have that's locked in my subconscious mind.

Well, I love the analogy that you share with the glacier. And seeing the only part of the glacier we see is that very top, and that's your conscious, which you've explained and do so well through your program and your book. But the subconscious, which is 90% of.

What'S controlling us, 95 to 98%, where our thoughts, emotions, feelings and behaviors are subconscious based on our habitual patterns.

So knowing that and knowing a lot of that subconscious was instilled in us when we were kids. Of course, it's a lot of work to really start to process, to even become self aware to how you're responding. First of all, and I'm just speaking from my own experience to start realizing As a child, if my father would start screening screaming, I learned just to run and hide. So maybe I've been carrying that with me through my life, that when I deal with someone awful, I just step back and become a smaller version of myself.

Right, and you run and hide. So we learn how to behave in childhood. So there's the modeling years, there's the imprinting years, there's the socialization years, there's the experiential years. And all of these levels or phases of our childhood formulate our model or map of reality. Now think about this. Is the map ever the reality? No more so today than ever before. Because now we can actually, you know, send self driving cars along streets and they could take video and then create the maps from what's actually the territory. But, but up until the last several years, if you ever had a map, the map would never be exactly like reality was. You wouldn't know how high the mountains were or how deep the oceans were. But now we can do that. So what happens is by the time we're in our, you know, 15 to 21 years old, we're locked and loaded with our beliefs, our perspectives, our paradigms. And they start to drive the lens by how in which we see the world. Once we become habituated to earning a certain amount of income or being in a relationship that we love or don't like, or a job that we like or don't like, any idea that we may have to leave that comfort zone triggers the fear center as a way for protection, for conservation of energy. And what happens is, because it takes years and years and years to develop our beliefs, then what we want to do is understand that we have to unlearn certain things. We need to create new paradigms. And according to the latest research, it takes between 66 days and 365 days to change a new thought pattern or an old thought pattern, an old behavioral pattern, an old paradigm about how the world really is in the map. Now, some things take less time, but when we have a habit of being a certain way, a habit of achieving certain results, it takes a little bit of time to let go of the habit of being ourselves.

Of course, because we've been ourselves for so long.

That's right. And most people are just not patient and they also don't understand the process. Right. So you didn't learn to walk in one day, you didn't learn to talk in one day, you didn't learn the Alphabet or math or language in one day, or one week for that matter. There were Building blocks that led up to having these skills and abilities become fixed in the subconscious mind. But at a certain point, you couldn't brush your teeth, you couldn't tie your shoes, you couldn't eat on your own, you couldn't speak, you couldn't do any of those things. It was through conscious effort, repetition, novelty, curiosity, fun, pain and pleasure. Spaced repetition. That's how you learned.

And modeling the people you see around you, modeling.

And so what happens is when we get to become adults, we go, well, you know, I don't want to be in this relationship or this job anymore. And we want to leave, but we can't. And the reason we can't is because there is a habit fixed in a part of our brain called the striatum. And this part of our brain basically runs the show. So it's the automatic self. And in order to change, you have to understand how to access your subconscious mind. You consciously learn how to do it, and then you learn how to access your subject. Subconscious mind. It's your brain, it's your conscious, it's your subconscious. And you can use the latest tools, methodologies to be able to access it and rescript, repattern, reshape the actual neural networks that are your beliefs, that are your paradigms, that are your stories, that are the things that make you you.

Well, using myself as an example, because I'm the person I know best, I shared with you just minutes before we came on air that I've been self sabotaging myself with your program. And it was so interesting to share with you. I said, john, I love your program. This one portion's really working extremely well for me in creating this new pattern and seeing that things can be different. And I feel really positive after I do it. And it's working. I'm seeing signs, pieces of evidence, and. And you said, so what's the problem? And I said, well, now that I'm traveling, the last couple weeks I stopped doing it. And you told me that that was an excuse, that was a story that.

I'm telling myself, an excuse in the story. And what happens is our beliefs drive our behavior. And we also have a hierarchy in our own minds of what's really important and what's not. And so, you know, when I travel, I've become. I've been a vegan for five years. I work out six days a week and I don't change my routine when I travel, so I can go anywhere in the world. I always stay in a hotel that has a gym or is near a gym. I always make sure they can have the food that I have because that's mega important to me. And so when we, when we, when I hear somebody says, well I couldn't because I go, that's not true, that's not the truth. You couldn't because you prioritize something else instead of that, because you deem that something else more important. And I shared with you, I said to you, if you had a severe toothache, would you have made time to go see a dentist? You say, well, of course I would, because that was a lot. You would be, you didn't want to be in a lot of pain. And so when we understand that our brains focused, they're wired to do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure.

Interesting.

So whenever I want to change something, I make staying the same more painful than the discomfort of change.

How do you do that?

Well, you create enough self pressure on yourself. So I say to myself, if I stay the same, what will my life be like? What will my children's life be like? What will my siblings life be like? What will my mother's or fathers be like? What will my students lives be like? What will be the consequences that I have to pay by not being able to take my gifts and contribute to more people around the world? And I make that more painful than whatever discipline I have to have in order to change.

That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. You mentioned, I heard this on a different show that you were on. Beliefs aren't truths.

Correct. Beliefs aren't truths, emotions aren't truths, feelings aren't truths, but they happen to be ours for the time being. So a belief, like what is a belief?

Like what is it a thought that we have?

It's more than a thought. A belief is a feeling that we have lot of references for about something that we believe is true or untrue. So we have references, experiences. We've got things that we've read, heard, seen or experienced that has created a pattern in our brain that for whatever reason we believe that's true. So let's say somebody says, I believe that I'm too young to make a million dollars. Sure, right. And they go, well, you know, where do you have, Where'd you get this belief from? And you go, well, there's nobody that I know that makes a million dollars. So I believe that nobody young can make a million dollars. And then are there people in the world that are making a million dollars that are young, let's say 15 years old, 8 years old, 25 years old. The answer is yes, of course there are. So now we can shake up those references. And what if we said to ourselves, I wonder what those people that are younger than me, you know, what do they know? What are they feeling? What do they do to make the money that they're making? That changes your paradigm of what might be possible. So beliefs are real for us, and we develop our beliefs from the time we're born. If you think about this question, what belief were you born with about money.

Scarcity, that it was very difficult, Were you born with?

None.

Zero.

Right. Because I didn't want money. So.

So you learned that belief. What belief were you born with about being a woman and having a financial glass ceiling?

None.

None. So that was something that was in your environment, possibly depending on where you.

Were born in the world.

So beliefs are nothing more than neural networks that have been reinforced in our brain from the time we're born. We have positive beliefs, negative beliefs, empowering ones, disempowering ones, constructive ones, destructive ones. And everybody's got a different belief system now. We share some common beliefs, we share some common emotions. But it also depends on where were you born, what were your experiences, what was your environment like? And so the question then should arise is, if my beliefs are my truth, but not the truth, is it possible for me to choose a vision or a goal that I have for my life? Health, wealth, relationships, career, business, fun, experiences, charity, it doesn't matter. Is it possible? I can choose any goal I want. I can determine what are the skills and what's the knowledge that I need to achieve that goal. And what would I need to believe in order to me to take inspired action? And let's say you said to yourself, well, I need to believe that I'm smart enough, I am good enough, I am worthy enough, I can figure this out, no matter how difficult it may be. What if you could take those three or four affirmations or declarations, and what if you could impress that into your subconscious mind through space repetition, through mental contrasting, through visualization, through affirmations, through subliminal program? What if you could take those words, which is nothing more than energy, information, and what if you can deliberately impress that into your subconscious mind as easily as whoever told you you couldn't when you were younger?

You actually did this.

Correct? Not only have I done it, I've helped hundreds of thousands of students around the world do it by using technology and scientifically proven methodologies to access where these patterns exist. So the patterns don't just exist at the conscious Level. It's the subconscious level that drives 95, 90% of your behavior. So why not work on the powerhouse of. Of what drives your behaviors and thoughts and perspectives? And so that's what I started doing in my early 20s, is I didn't feel like I was good enough. I didn't feel like I was smart enough. I didn't feel like I was worthy. I felt like I was a nice kid, but I didn't feel like those things because I didn't have any results that showed that I was smart enough or good enough. And so I started getting fascinated with, well, what's caused me to feel that? And I was fortunate. I had mentors. I had my first mentor when I was 19 years old that started to teach me about this stuff. And I'm like, wow, I have a brain. I'm not my brain, but I don't know how to use it really well. And it had nothing to do with intelligence. Mind blown.

But he worked a lot with you on goal setting.

Yes.

And writing your goals down, then creating your vision boards. What would your life like? Look, look like? Who would you have to be in order to achieve those goals? All those things that you're talking through that were really the work that you had to then go and turn and do for yourself to create that future?

Yeah. He started me off with, what is my vision for my life? And what that meant was, if you could wave a magic wand a year from now, three years from now, five years from now, 20 years from now, and you could design a wonderful life, what would it be like? What would it look like, what would it feel like? Not how to yet, but just imagine said, okay, well, what are some goals that you could have on your way to that vision? Would you earn 50,000 a year, 100,000 a year? Would you like to write a book? Would you like to travel? Would you like to retire your parents? Would you like to give some money to charity? Like, what are some goals? And let's get specific on that. When I used to ask him, well, why do I need to get specific on it? He said, well, because your brain is a deletion and distortion organism. So it will delete or distort anything that isn't precise.

Interesting, right?

And it's also predicting all the time, what's next, what's next, what's next, what's next? First to protect, but then also to be able to guide you towards the goals that you actually achieved. So if you give your brain the vision of the end destination, no differently than a Captain of a ship says, okay, we're going from San Diego to Hawaii and we're going to go to Maui to the port. Here's the exact coordinates. Then the captain of the ship puts those coordinates into the automatic pilot to the brain of the boat, and the boat goes towards Hawaii. It doesn't matter how big the waves are, it doesn't matter how much wind there is. It doesn't matter, you know, if you're going 5 knots an hour or miles an hour or 15, as long as the destination's locked and loaded. All of the things that interfere get readjusted by the GPS system of the brain's intelligence in the boat and you end up in the harbor in Maui. Well, our brain works exactly the same way. We have a GPS system in our brains called your left prefrontal cortex. And when you can have a vision of the end destination, you can have targets along the way. Your left prefrontal cortex, what I call the Einstein part of the brain, starts to help you figure out how you can achieve that goal. So what if you can ask yourself, okay, what are some skills that I could gain to help me achieve that goal? Who could help me achieve that goal? What book, what tool, what resource, what Google, you know, thing do I need to type in to get a YouTube video? What course could I take? What coach could I hire? Who could I partner with? Who can I talk to from my family or my friends that maybe know how to achieve that first goal? So once I start figuring out how I can, then I say to myself, okay, what could hold me back? So what are my waves? What are my things that can knock me off course? Well, fear could knock me back. Fear of failure, fear of disappointment, embarrassment, shame or ridicule. Like we talked earlier, my self image could hold me back. What if I really don't feel I deserve to achieve that goal? What if I really don't feel like I'm worthy of having that lifestyle? My dreams? Well, that could hold me back. What about limiting beliefs? What if I feel I'm too young, too old, I'm too Asian, or I'm too Caucasian, you know, I'm employed in corporate America. You know, I don't have much, I don't have an education or I'm too educated, I'm too young. All of these limiting beliefs are potential obstacles, right? And what if you ask yourself, well, what can I do to let go of my limiting beliefs? What can I do to manage my emotions better? What can I do to augment my self worth and self esteem so as soon as we start to figure out what I can do and we move towards doing it now, we're on our way and we don't have to see the whole path. You know, if we left here in pitch black night and we said, let's go from San Diego to New York and let's say all the lights were out between here and there and all we did was say, let's get in the car and let's go the 300 yards. A thousand feet. This was my friend Jack Canfield.

I remember right now from the movie.

We all talked about this. All we would need to do is get, you know, 300 yards further and then we go, okay, what's the next 300 yards? What's the next 300? 300 yards. So we don't have to eat the whole elephant at once. But when we understand our beliefs will drive our behavior, our fears will stop the behavior, our self image will stop the behavior. But I'm not my fears, I'm not my limiting beliefs or positive beliefs. I'm not my self image. But I behave in ways that are consistent with what they are. And since all of those were created when I was a child, some of it's accurate. Most of it is not. For sure, we are unbounded, powerful, sentient human beings with the most powerful biocomputer in this known universe. But we are treating ourselves like we're some scraps of meat in a meat suit. And we forget that we have evolved into the most intelligent species in the universe that we're aware of. And so all of the how to, how to manage my emotions better, how to let go of limiting beliefs, all the techniques, the tools, the how to. We can Google that. You can read it in my books. You can read in other people's books, there's courses on how to do it. The real question comes to, you know, what you and I talked about earlier. This is one of the greatest lessons and gifts I ever received. I was 19 years old. My first mentor asked me, what, you know, what do I want to achieve? And I. All I remember was the TV show Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with Robin Leach. And wanted nice cars and planes and homes and clothes and, you know, and party. And I wrote all this down for him. And he said, he said, john, he says, are you interested in achieving these things or are you committed? And at 19, I said to him, I said, Mr. Brown, his name is Alan Brown. I said, what's the difference? And he said, son, he said, if you're interested, you'll come up with stories and excuses all the time of why you can't and why it's not possible. If you're interested, you'll do what's easy and convenient. If you're interested, you'll stay in your comfort zone and you'll use the inflammation disease of choice called excusitis. And then you'll do the drug of choice called Hopium all the time, hope for things to get better. So. But if you're committed, you will upgrade your knowledge and skills, you will change who you think you are and you'll have a healthy respect for who you really are. Says if you're committed, you will develop the discipline required to achieve every one of those goals. You'll develop the beliefs required, the skills, the knowledge, the strategies, the tactics. He said, every goal that you have that's easy, people have already done it. You just need to believe that. And so if you're committed, you'll do whatever it takes.

It's so eye opening when you say that, that even we were talking about me and my business and you said, heather, there's a million people out there who've had the most successful podcast and become successful entrepreneurs. The blueprint is there, it's, are you going to choose to do it?

That's right. And so when you have a serious, loving, caring discussion with the person in the mirror with no blame, no shame, no guilt, no justification, just awareness, and you ask her and him, what do you really want to trade your life for that will give it the most purpose and meaning? What do you really want to trade your life for? What's really holding you back from doing that? It's only going to be one of those four things. So you're either say, I don't know how to do it, I don't feel I deserve it, I'm too young or too old or too Asian or Caucasian, I'm going to have a limiting belief about it or I'm afraid.

Isn't it usually fear?

No, it's one of those four or two or three. But they're all interconnected. They're all interconnected. So if I feel I don't deserve it, then it's actually not fear. It's a self esteem, self worth issue. If I have a limiting belief now, it's a function that I just don't believe it's possible or it's not possible. For me, fear is a protection mechanism. So I won't do it because I might be embarrassed, ashamed or ridiculed, which actually ties back into self image. And self esteem. So they're interconnected and each one of them activates or deactivates different circuits in your brain. And this is where I, you know, I was, I'm saying I was fortunate to learn that my brain, my beliefs, my paradigms, perspectives, habits, which means I'm responsible for them. Not you, not my mother, father, sister, brother, not the trauma that I had as a child. I'm responsible for it. I can learn how to change my beliefs, I can learn how to manage my emotions, I can learn how to augment myself. I can learn all of these things because those are skills and there are techniques that we have learned how to overcome all of them.

That's so empowering, right?

So now instead of being disempowered because of them, I can say because of them, I can be empowered and overcome them. Now I'm in control. Now I can be victorious. Now I can stop being a victim of them. As soon as you do that now, your life starts to change. The question is, are you interested or are you committed?

That's the one million dollar question.

There you go. That's the trillion dollar question. Because if you're committed, then you take your excuses, throw them out the window. If you're committed, you take your stories and you throw it out the window. If you're committed, you say, okay, maybe my old identity was this and now I'm creating a new identity. And you just say, and I'm not going to allow stories and excuses and reasons in my past to control my present or my future. I'm going to use my past as a guiding post, not a hitching post. And I am going to change and I am going to rise and I am going to do whatever the fuck it takes, period. And when you make that commitment to yourself, nothing and no one will stop you.

And I loved how you explained it to me that when you make that decision now, see what your life is going to look like in the future because that's going to keep you working toward it so you won't give up. See how great that lifestyle will be for you and your family. See how happy, See all you achieving your goals. When you start focusing on those things, nothing's going to get in your way.

Well, yeah, the vision that you create, if there's an intrinsic motivation, reason why you must, it will pull you towards it and nothing will to stop you when you think about goals. Here's. You know, I use this example that people like for the most part and you'll hear if I said to you, Heather, can you think of one person that you really, really love in the world? Either a family member, a friend, a sibling? Can you think of one person that you really love? I mean, your life is just so awesome with them in it. What if I said to you, heather, give me a big goal right now? Give me a big goal right now.

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I want to achieve a million downloads of my podcast in the next few months.

Great. So you want to achieve a million downloads in the next few months. How many few months?

In the next six months.

Great. So what if you and I sat here right now and we said, okay, the vision is that you and I are going to celebrate six months from now because your podcast has achieved a million down.

I'm already getting so excited.

Okay, so we achieved that vision and we're going to have a celebration. You're going to invite all of your friends and we're going to have a party and high five and you're going to be able to impact the lives of all those people. And we set that as a vision and your goal. And what if I said to you right now, okay, Heather, that's the vision, that's the target, that's the goal. If you don't achieve it, you know the person you just thought about that you really love? Yes. You will never, ever, ever see them again.

Oh my gosh, that's terrible.

So let me ask you a question. Let's say that was true. Would you let go of any stories or excuses that may be holding you back right now?

You let go of anything and everything.

Great. Why not do that?

I just had never thought about achieving a goal that way.

Right. And so when you think of achieving a goal, then what I want people to do is saying, do you really really, really want to achieve it, then why not do everything possible that's ethical, that's professional, that doesn't kill you. Okay to do it. Why not say, what limiting beliefs do I have that's preventing me? What's what? What strategy am I missing? What resource or tool am I missing? You know, what fear is holding me back? What uncertainty is in my way? When would now be a good time to eliminate those?

Absolutely now.

Like right now. You see, if it was true that you would never see that person again, you would think differently. You would feel. But you'd have a sense of urgency.

A massive sense of urgency.

Well, what makes you or me or the person who's listening to us right now, think for a minute. You have time on your side.

You don't.

You don't listen. This year, you know, My wife's had three surgeries. I've had two friends die. Both my parents, 88 and 86, are in and out of the hospital right now. Life is so precious. If you value life, you will value time, which means act, get busy. Now.

That's the sense of urgency, right?

Have a sense of urgency. Stop thinking that you have, you know, six months or 12 months or a year. If you really want to achieve something, act that way. Believe that way, feel that way, ask that way, do that way. And stop fucking around, pretending that you have a lot of time with your life because you might be in your 30s or 40s or 50s, you might be male or female, makes no difference. You have zero guarantees. So choose a goal that is worthy of you trading your life for, because you are anyway. And then stop asking yourself whether you are worthy of trading your life for that goal. Ask yourself, is that goal worthy of me trading my life for? And start trading your life for the stuff that gives you the most purpose, the most meaning, the most impact so that you can go, yeah, what a day, what a week, what a month. I'm doing the stuff that my life is worthy of. And when you start to have that sense of urgency, you stop to waste time and you let go of the shit that holds you back and the fear of failure. Fear of failure. What about fear of wasting your life year after year in a job you hate or job that you're not, you know, thriving in year after year in a relationship that you're settling for year after year, not writing that book year after year, not building that company year after year settling like you have time. Bullshit. Have no guarantees. So take. Take that seriously. Because life is on the line every day. So choose big goals that are worthy of your life. Choose things that scare you. Learn how to manage the fear. Choose things that will question your beliefs of whether you can. And then learn how you will, because you must.

I'm gonna personally just replay that last five minutes for I can't even tell you how many times because I'm ready to go. I'm ready for the million downloads and I'm ready for freaking bigger and I'm ready for achieving the goal.

There you go.

Thank you so, so much for sharing that with us. It means the world to me. How can everyone find your course, find your book so that they can start getting to work now?

If people go to ignitemybrain.com ignitemybrain.com they can find out about my newest book, Inner Size the new science to unlock your brain's hidden power. They go to my fan page on Facebook. They can go to my instagram page @JonAssaraf. My company is MyNeuroGym.com M Y N E U R O g y m neurojym.com we have free courses that show people lots more about the brain. Some of our programs that they can get into if they like. But start off with one of my books, get into my social media orbit and follow me. Say hello, tell me you heard me on this awesome podcast with Heather and.

I'll say hi back to you and you'll catch me. I'm in the community too, because John definitely is dropping knowledge as you just heard him today. John, thank you, you so, so, so much. I couldn't be more grateful and I'm so excited to get this chance to share your message with the world.

Thank you so much. What a joy.

I hope you love meeting John as much as I did. He was so fired up today and when I told him after, I said, oh my gosh, I never heard an interview where you were so fired up. And he said, because you acclimate to the frequency and energy level of the people with you. And he said, heather, you have a really high energy and high frequency. And it just brings me up a level versus when I'm being interviewed by someone who's more subdued, I might tend to be more subdued around that individual. And I thought that was interesting and I was appreciative for that. I took that as a compliment. So be aware of the energy and frequency you're running on because you're going to attract people to it. You're going to pull them towards you and you're going to elevate them when you're bringing the heat, so bring it. Okay, so you know that I'm crazy for my little boy. Although he also makes me crazy because I am so over these headphones that have the strings and then you whack your hand and they get knocked out of your ear. It drives me crazy. That's why I constantly need my Raycon wireless earbuds and my son steals mine. He's 12 and takes mine and I ordered him a pair and I don't know if he left them at his father's or at school or what, but he's stolen mine again. I'm just. I'm really over it. But the Raycon earbuds are not very expensive. They're half the price of other premium wireless earbuds and they sound amazing. If you haven't bought a pair, today is your lucky day. And every time I run this promo and deal, I get so many DMs from you guys that you love them. So I'm psyched. I'm so happy to share this. Raycon just released their best model yet, the E25. I don't even know if those are the ones I have.

I have to check.

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And my son is a connoisseur on this stuff and he keeps stealing mine. So understand this is a amazing deal. It's buyraycon.com confidence so you can get your own pair. You need them. Get extra pairs for your kids if you have kids, because they Will steal them from you, just like mine continues to steal from me. Okay, so I want to get to some questions. As you know, I have this really cool bot on my website, heathermonahan.com it's called Drift and it allows people to speak in real time to me on my site. I love this thing. So this morning I got a note from someone. It said, hi, Heather, I just lost my job. I had a six figure income. Now I feel a bit disoriented and I want to sit down and catch my breath. But I also know that I have a business to build on my own. But I'm scared and I feel like I do not know what to do. I don't know if I have the proper tools to make it work. How did you organize yourself when you lost your job? Okay, so number one, this is why I wrote my book. If anyone knows someone that lost a job, please buy them the book Confidence Creator on Amazon or on Audible. I mean, this is literally I walk you through it. Not only do I walk anyone and everyone through how to create confidence in any moment, but. But I also share. I mean, there's a couple of chapters about getting fired in there and how hard it was to bounce back, but the specific steps I took, number one, any type of adversity, moment, loss, breakup, firing, whatever. Shine a light on the shame. The sooner you own it and shine a light on it, the faster it loses power over you. I decided to see getting fired as being in good company. Oprah's been fired, Mark Cuban's been fired, J.K. rowling's been fired. Right, so. And maybe you're cheated on or dumped. Well, you're in good company because it's happened to all of us, right? So start shining a light on it, step into it, and suddenly the power that it had over you is gone. You'll feel better instantly. Create a 30 day plan. Because when you're going through big life changes, looking out further than 30 days can be scary. Shoot looking 30 days can be scary. Right? And just own you're going to feel sad. I went under a weighted blanket and bombed Chardonnay for probably a week straight. I mean, I was a mess. But one thing that I did that I encourage other people to do, I claimed my shame and then I shared it online. I posted on social media, hey, I just got fired. And you know, it's funny, that post went viral and so many people offered to help me, so ended up being brilliant. But today I was reminded that 11 years ago today, I created my Facebook account and I remember doing this. I was in the radio business and one of my sellers on my sales team said, heather, you are officially divorced. You've got to go into the dating world. The best way to do that is just launch a Facebook account. That's what he said to me. So that was sort of my way to go online to, you know, re acclimate myself to being open to even dating. And that was 11 years ago. So insane how time flies when you're having fun. So claim your shame, own it. Put it out online that you need help, that you suddenly are available, whatever your message is. But when you ask people for help, the majority of people will step up and help you and then convert those opportunities in the moment and ask for something specific. But that's definitely where I'd start. And then of course, I would listen to my first podcast episode with Gary Vee because I talk all about getting, getting fired in that episode so anyone can bounce back. Remember, life is not about what happens to us. It's about how we respond to it. So come from a place of strength, create your confidence and make this moment that pivotal moment in your life where everything really begins to take off. That's exciting. I'm actually excited for this person. Okay, then. Friday I spoke. I was a keynote speaker at an annual. A company's annual conference. And I got a lot of beautiful DMs when I got home that night. But one of them, I'm going to read to you as much as I can without giving you too much info on this person, but it's a really interesting note that I got. First and foremost giving God all the glory and his favor in your life. Clearly this person's religious and was wishing me well, which is so nice. Congratulations on all of your achievements. My name is. And we'll leave that out. I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for delivering a powerful presentation today. The past few months have been rough for me. I was hospitalized. Oh my gosh. I won't get into details. I thought, I thought I was going to die and I wanted to give up. But that was not an option. I knew that I had children to live for. As you spoke of your son today, I thought about my only son, that's a 16 year old athlete and how crazy he is about his mom too. Just like yours is about you. Your voice penetrated my heart and soul. You spoke about things that I have lived too. I wanted to break down and cry today thinking about how I failed as an individual but wasn't strong Enough to fight the negative people that surrounded me. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to believe that there actually is hope. If you push yourself hard enough, you will succeed. At my age, it may be too late for me. This is total bs. I'm pissed reading this. I am now focusing on making sure that my children make it in life in case something will happen to me. I read this the other day and I'm getting angry again. Reading this. My little brother, who I have raised and loved as my own, degrades me and calls me a bum. His hateful heart is disrespectful and he trashes me. Thanks to the role that I played in helping him grow and develop, he has become very successful. But now I'm a bum because my husband, okay, that goes into her life. Tragedies that she's had and that she isn't financially doing well any longer. And he puts her down for that. He treats me like trash and verbally abuses me. Okay, so I need to stop right there because I'm getting too fired up. First of all, no one can speak about themselves like this, ever. The way you speak about yourself is the way others will speak about you. So this woman is sitting there talking herself about trash bum. Oh, heck no. I don't. Number one, I don't care if your brother calls you that, you're not going to call yourself that. So your brother may make disparaging remarks about you because I'm not going to go ahead and repeat those things and I don't want anyone to. That's about them, not about you. Clearly your brother's threatened by you, jealous of you, or feels guilty on some level, that's about him. Sorry, Palace. The other thing that I talk a lot about, and I talked a lot about it on Friday when I gave the speech and she's referencing it. I talked about fire your villains and when you can't create boundaries. But I will tell you, someone making disparaging comments like that, you need to get stand up for yourself and say, oh, heck no. Well, no one. I don't care if you're my brother or it doesn't matter who you are. No one will treat me like that. No one will speak to to me like that. And if you don't start speaking a different way, you are out of my life. There is consequence and you have just met it, my friend. Okay, that's over. I'm so disappointed in that guy and I'm so helpful, hopeful that this woman is going to stand up to him and Fire her. A villain doesn't matter who he is. But then she also has to start believing. You hear in the note, she says, well, maybe I'm too old. Heck no. Hello. How old was Sam Walton when he started Walmart? Was he 50? I mean, no one is too old to do anything flipping. People have babies now in their 60s. Come on. Anything is possible. But if you're saying it's not possible, if you're saying you're too old, then you are, right? Then give up on it. But it doesn't really sound like you want to, because you wouldn't be sending me a note if you wanted to, right? So here's the thing. Stop the bs, okay? Pick up the pen. Write a new narrative. I am young enough to make an investment in myself. I am special enough to be worth it. I am enough. I am going to stand up for me. I am going after the life that I want. I am worth more. You start making those changes and the words that you use and how you think about yourself and what you allow for, and you will see seismic change. If you don't know your worth, why would anyone else. And if you don't value yourself or someone speak about yourself in a valuable way? Why would others? So make that change. Start it today with you. Check yourself on your word choices. John Asraf is big into this, and he actually gave me a book just about word choices and the words that we choose to use. So he really believes. He talks about not saying, I want to lose weight. He talks about, I am releasing weight from my life. I left my boyfriend. I released a negative person. You know, he has ways of reframing things using better word choices so that we don't have to feel bad about things or at a loss. Instead, we feel empowered. And I suggest that for all of us. It's something that I'm working on. We can always get better on different things. But I'm really, you know, the first step is be aware, and the second step is put it into action. Because nothing happens if you actually don't do it, right? And I'll tell you another thing. Nothing happens if you don't have a good night's sleep. And, I mean, my son didn't go to bed till midnight on Saturday night when he got back from that football game. I had to get up. I had to get up. Well, I got to get up. That's a good reframe right there, Heather. I got to get up to go work out at 7am on Sunday and my babysitter coming and I was exhausted. Right. Because if you don't get a good night's sleep, forget it. Your brain doesn't function correctly. You're drowsy all day. You can't put forth the energy that you need for your workout or to organize your house or, you know, do something fun with your family and really be in the moment. Because all you're thinking of is, what time is it and when do I get to go to bed again? How many of you have had days like that? I seriously have. So you need to ask yourself, did you get a good sleep last night? And were you tossing and turning in your bed? You know, do you wake up in the morning saying, I've got a pain in my neck or my back hurts and it's keeping me up. I mean, I've had stiff neck issues from sleeping. And it's the worst. You feel like half your body is just tightened up and forget it. You're not gonna get a good night's sleep. But when you do have a good night's sleep, we all know what that feels like. You're creative, you're energetic, you're taking on the world. It's seriously like how I woke up this morning. I was just so excited. So a good night's sleep changes your attitude. It makes you feel happy and productive. Productive. And it really is driven by how much quality sleep that you're getting. And it was so cool. I saw today the new Apple download for your iPhone. There's this new night sleeping setup on if you go into your settings so that it automatically shifts to dark mode at 10pm and does not turn back to light mode with the screen till 7am and that's a great biohack. So make sure you check out that new update and adjust your settings accordingly. So the founders of The Purple are two brothers who have been developing cushioning technology for 30 years on things like medical beds and wheelchairs. And now they've got the purple mattress for you. In 2016, they finally decided to use their patented comfort technology to create Purple, the world's most scientific mattress. Why is purple different? Well, let me tell you. The purple mattress will probably feel different than anything you've ever experienced experience because it uses the brand new material that was developed by an actual rocket scientist. Oh my gosh. It was not like the memory foam that any of us have been used to. The purple material feels very unique. It's firm and soft at the same time, so it keeps everything supported while feeling really comfortable. It's also breathable, so it sleeps cool I mean this is okay. This is what dreams are made of. Seriously. It ends up giving you a zero gravity feeling. So it works for any sleep position. Oh my gosh. You're gonna love it. 100 night risk free trial. So it's risk free. If you're not fully satisfied, you return your mattress for a full refund. It's backed by a 10 year warranty, free shipping and free returns. Oh my gosh. This is the Amazon of mattresses, clearly. So you are going to love purple and right now my listeners get a free purple pillow with the purchase of a mattress. We always want to give you something for free. That's in addition to the great free gifts that we are offering you right now. Site wide just text confidence to 84888. The only way to get this three pillow is to text confidence to 84888. That's confidence 84888. Text message and data rates may apply. Now as we're moving into the end of the year and you're wanting to achieve your goals, I know that some of you just aren't able to hold yourself accountable. Don't worry, I got you on that one. Just go to my website heather monahan.com click on the confidence creator dropdown and you'll see 30 day accountability partner. Go ahead and click that. All you do is put your email address in and you're going to get an email from me every morning for 30 days making sure you see, stay accountable and achieve your goals. I've got you on this one. I really appreciate all that you do showing up for me each week and if you can please share the podcast. It would mean the world to me if you leave a rating and review and send me a screenshot of your DM. I buy you my $299 video course confidence creation as a big fat thank you. So please tag me when you share this, when you post about the this episode, when you post about John and what you think, please tag me. Please tag John. Please share on instastory on any platform that you're on and when you DM me a screenshot of your review. I got you with a free course and until next week and oh my gosh you are going to love next week's episode. I'm so freaking out. This is. I know I say this all the time but really today was my fan moment and then next week your mind officially blown. That's all. Okay, stay tuned and can't wait to keep up with you creating your confidence and see you next week. Pluto TV is the leading free streaming television service. 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