#264: How to Make Things Happen with Heather & Kelley Tyan, Author & Success Coach!

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me. We are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seat.

I'm ready for my close up.

Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here with us this week. Yes, I said us. I'm not sitting here by myself today. And thank goodness we are not on video. I've got Kelly Tyen with me today.

Hi, Kelly Tyen here with a lost voice.

Yeah, literally. Okay, so I'm in Massachusetts right now. This is where I'm from. Wista. I mean, not technically in Worcester, but close. This is where I grew up, back with my homies. One of our OGs got married last night. And we are coming to you live with not living our best lives right now.

We are not living our best lives right now. Apparently I was singing a lot at the wedding.

So.

So my voice is a little off, but we had the best night ever.

Ever.

Like, we can't even.

But we declared it before we left the house. Do you remember? We did that this summer too. Remember when we were in Martha's Vineyard? We declared this is gonna be the best day ever. And it truly, truly was so put out there. What it is that you want, like, for your day? I don't, you know, I don't know. When you're listening to this, maybe it's Monday, maybe it's Sunday, I don't know. But like, declare this is gonna be your best day. Day ever and watch the chips fall because it literally came to fruition yesterday.

It did. And it matters what you speak out.

Yeah. No, it's so true. Okay, here's where I wanna start. First of all, the person that got Married yesterday is 48 years old. His first marriage. I never thought in a million years this person was ever going to get married. Never. Never. It was never happening. And yesterday he had the most epic wedding. Incredible. Very traditional. He has two children with not what any of us would have ever forecasted. Correct.

Correct. He's been single most of his life. We just didn't see it coming. And she was such a blessing. She just came into his life, delivered by God himself, truly planted in his path. Because nobody thought this guy would be married. And we're just so happy for him.

So happy for him. But I guess my point for everyone listening is that you don't know what's possible. Cause he never thought he was getting married. If anyone had asked him five years ago or 10 years ago. No, he was never Gonna get married. It was a joke. He would literally make a joke of it. So my point is, anything is possible, and you have to stay open to that possibility of what could come. Gosh. That means. This is what I thought, truly, when I saw him at the church yesterday, I'm like, if he is getting married, clearly, I'm gonna get married again.

You are getting married.

If Tommy is getting. Very clearly, I am getting.

Yeah, we're declaring.

We're speaking it into existence right now.

Yes.

Okay.

So excited. And I will be the maid of honor, of course.

Yes. But here's the thing, is that I was so in awe. I was so surprised that he did get married. So happy for him. He was clearly so happy. He also showed up so differently. Like, he was a bridezilla.

He was a bridezilla.

And we never thought that.

We never, never. We didn't know if she would be a bridezilla in some kind of way. She's a very sweet girl. I didn't see that. But he came in hot as a bridezilla.

Oh, my gosh.

In every way possible. Like, Heather was visiting maybe over the summer. Remember, we were with the girl that got married. She says, he made me return my. What was it? The wedding invitations?

The invitations.

Because the font wasn't right.

The font.

I mean, ladies, if you're a bridezilla, don't be.

It was so much. It was so ridiculous. But we never thought he would show up like that. However. Right? Things changed incredibly for this person once he decided he did want to get married. It became, like, the most important thing in the world to him.

Oh. It was a countdown from the one year ago, and everybody had jobs and chores, and it's amazing. It's just a happy.

Kelly gave a blessing. He asked her to give a blessing at the reception, and he timed her delivery and, like, threatened her not to go over. It was like a TED Talk, basically.

It was a TED Talk. And I had to rehearse my 60 seconds, so it didn't go over.

That's 60 seconds, which you clearly went over, by the way. It was so funny.

It was great. We had such a great night. Getting together with people we haven't seen in 20. Right. Maybe even 30 years.

Yeah, some people. 30 years. And literally, like, picking up right where you left off.

Right where we left off.

Yeah.

Everybody was great. It was like we were back in high school. And truly, those are the fun times when you meet with people you haven't seen in a while and every.

Okay. But some unexpected things happen that I Want to dive into? So I'm reading. Okay, wait, that was the weirdest. Like that was weird.

I loved it. Okay, so he had a cutout, a life size cutout of Tom Brady that he busted through the door with at the end of the.

At the reception.

At the reception. Walking around with a cutout. So he's a die hard fan.

Clearly number one.

Clearly number one fan of Tom Brady. But that was funny.

I thought that was so weird and unexpected.

I love. I thought it was fun.

Okay, I don't think it's fun. Just in case I end up dating Tom Brady. That'd be a little embarrassing. Ooh, I love that.

We're putting it out there.

We're putting that out.

You are listening to Creating confidence today.

Tom.

Get in touch with me. Kelly Tien.

Oh my God.

I'll hook you up.

Okay. All right. Done and done. Okay, so to that end, at the wedding. All right, this is what was super surprising, guys, is that years ago, one of my friends from college who I had been very good friends with, I had dated someone for a short period of time. I wasn't really very serious about him at all.

A couple of years.

Nah, it was like nothing. Anyways, I thought it was a couple years.

She just blows that one right off.

Cause that was never. It was never a big deal to me. Yeah, so I remember I just moved away. And then that's, I think, how I broke up with him. And so anyways, this girl ends up marrying someone that I had dated. But it wasn't a big deal cause I wasn't very serious about the guy. So anyway, she ends up marrying him. And then she stopped talking to me, you know, for whatever reasons people have. So for years, years and years and years. Even at your wedding. Right? At your wedding, 20 years ago, she wouldn't speak to me. It was weird, but okay. Like, you know, I just let it go. It's not about me. Whatever, you know, whatever issue she has, she had an issue. So I let it go. You had stayed friends with her and you guys would go on vacation together sometimes. And I couldn't be around. So there was like weird dynamic. But whatever, again, you know, life moves on. First world problems. Well, wouldn't, you know, out of the blue last night, we're standing there and she walks right up and she's standing on one side of you and I'm on the other, which she would never have done in the past. And she just.

That was so nice.

Says to me, oh my gosh, I love your shoes. And this woman has not spoken to me. That's how she spoke me. Yeah, it was my shoes. Oh, my shoes are incredible. They're incredible.

They were cute.

They're Christian Louboutin. They're so gorgeous. I'm obsessed with them. Anyhow, they took a couple of falls last night, but. Yeah. Anyways, so. All right. So she just says, oh, my gosh, I love your shoes. So immediately I say, thank you so much. Right? Like, I just. Like, nothing had happened at first. At first. But I changed that after. So I just said, you know, oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. That's so sweet of you to say. I love them. Like. And I started telling her about the shoes, and then all of a sudden, it was just pickup. Like nothing ever happened.

And then they were glued at the hip the whole night.

No, she was. I was sitting next to your husband at dinner. No, I was sitting next to your husband at the beginning of the wedding. And I leaned over and said to him. I told him what happened and I said, listen, I'm gonna go talk to her, though. I don't wanna act like nothing happened. I'm just not that person. I can't just pretend nothing happened. That's not me. That's her, for sure. Which, like, different things work for different people, but that just isn't me. I have to address the elephant in the world.

I'm very happy. Wait, let's talk about that for a minute. Because I think many people. I don't know if I'm as strong as you.

No, you'd let it go.

I think I would. Even though it would bother me, I would wanna say something, but this happened to me in my life with a friend, and she just never addressed it, and I didn't either. And it bothers me. So I'm happy that you felt that way to.

Oh, my gosh. I felt. Well. Cause even your husband said to me. He's like, I don't think you need to do that. He was like, I don't think. He was like, I don't think he's like, yeah. He's like, why would you risk. You know, like. Heather, just let it be. It was kind of his point. Like, just let it go.

Well, that goes with the whole thing of being comfortable. It's very comfortable not to say anything to me.

That's more uncomfortable.

Right?

Yeah.

Right. But I like your style because you want to handle it and then move on.

And then move on. Because then once you've addressed it, you can move on. I know, because you've already Said it. But she was not comfortable with it, by the way.

Oh, not at all.

Not at all.

So what did you say? I don't even know.

All right. So first of all, I ran it by your husband first, because he's kind of like my litmus test. And he was like, you know what? I don't think you need to do it. And I'm like, well, I really feel like I need to. And he's like, well, then if you feel that strongly, do it. He's like, but don't make a big deal out of it. I'm like, okay, got it. So I just. Immediately, when they let us stand up from the tables, I walked, right? I beelined to her and I said, I need to speak to you for a moment. And she's like, what's up? Sure. Like, acting like everything's fine, that we hadn't. Like that 20 years had not occurred. And I said, listen, you and I were good friends, and obviously, you know, something changed. And I didn't want to dig into the reasons why. You know, I just said, obviously something changed. I said, and now today, you know, fast forward 20 years, you're showing up like nothing happened. Number one, I wanna say thank you. Like, thank you for opening that door for kindness and forgiveness, for whatever was uncomfortable for you before. I said, number one, I wanna say thank you. I said. And number two, I just wanna say I'm grateful that, you know, we're speaking again.

That was so nice. But.

No, but she. The funny thing was, I think she.

Must have been very nervous.

She was very nervous.

Yeah. No, you're right. I wasn't thinking about that at the time, but she was very nervous. And she was very put off by me saying this. Like, it was very uncomfortable for her.

I'm actually sweating right now thinking about this.

You are?

Well, I mean, first of all, you guys were at a wedding. I'm not sure, maybe your listeners can tell you if they would do that, because I think this is interesting. Would you wait until the wedding is over and then maybe send her or call her? No.

Cause then I'd be fake. The whole. I'm not fake.

Okay?

I'm not showing up as fake. I'd either have to avoid her the rest of the night.

I know you, and I know this, but I still don't know. I would have done it.

No, you would not have done it. Yeah, no, you totally wouldn't have. So anyway, so she was very nervous. It was uncomfortable for her. And she basically kind of said to me, like, oh, no, I don't think it's a big deal. I just haven't seen you. Which. That was not a truth. Right. And I knew that wasn't a truth, but I wasn't gonna argue the point. Right. I'm like, okay. At that point, I decided to let it go because it wasn't a battle I was trying to win. I was more or less just saying, I wanna show that, okay, something was broken here. You're opening it up to repair it. And I'm appreciative of that. And let's acknowledge it and move forward, you know? But she did not want to. She wasn't getting my vibe. Like, she didn't feel the same way I did. She wanted to just push it, push past it. And so I did. At that point, I let it go. And she just kind of basically said, I haven't seen you. And, you know, had I seen you, it would have been different, so let's just move on. And I. And I just said, okay, perfect. Yeah. So I let it go. And then. Yeah, we dropped it and then acted like nothing ever happened. Yeah. It was so bizarre.

So.

But that goes back to my point of you just never know what's gonna happen in life. I would have. As much as I never thought Tommy was gonna get married, I never thought this woman would have ever spoken to me ever again in her life. I know.

I wasn't sure myself, to be honest.

Yeah.

If she would ever say yeah, because.

Like, it had gone so long, why would she now.

Gone so long?

Right.

I guess the shoes.

Yeah.

But you know what? No, it wasn't the shoes. Okay. You want to know what it was? Guys, here's what I think? I think she's in a better place in her life. I think it has nothing to do with me.

100%. I agree.

Yeah.

She's in a really good place. And when you're not in a good place. Right. It comes out in every single way. Just like we said. What did we say? One of our other friends.

You can see happiness on someone. It's visible.

Yes.

Okay. So one of our friends looked so gorgeous yesterday. It was, like, breathtaking. Like a st. Like, she was like a showstopper.

It was radiating. Her happiness was radiating through her face.

Literally.

Literally.

Yeah.

Usually she. Well, she looks beautiful all the time.

Of course. But not like this. Like you said, it was other level.

It was other level.

It was visible to everyone. She was stunning.

Yes.

You can see the happiness when it's shining through.

Yeah. And that's something you can't Hide. That's something you can't fake. That's just. You either have it or not. And this woman that decided to speak to me yesterday, same thing. She just was like a happier version of herself.

She was. And I'm happy that you guys moved on.

Yeah, no, for sure. To me, listen, life is about finding joy in any moment. And if you're going to be uncomfortable or unhappy, that hurts you. Like, I don't need to penalize someone for not speaking to me for years. That's just crazy. Like, why not find a way to forgive, repair, and move on?

I love this. Because that's what it's all about. Forgiveness. I mean, we talk about this all the time. When you hold on and you're not forgiving, the other person's moved. Like, you moved on. She was holding onto it. So it's causing so much angst in her. Just forgive and move on. It's that easy.

And it was so funny. Cause her husband looked so happy. Like, it was just like a weight lifted. Like that. We don't need to have this weird, unseen negative thing in the room anymore.

Exactly.

And even though it could have just, you know, they didn't have to do it just. The point is this. If you have the opportunity to forgive someone, if you have the opportunity to find joy, choose it. It'll make you feel better. It'll make those around you feel better. And then you can just pick happiness and move on. And literally, like our friend, you'll end up looking better as a result of it.

I agree. I think I looked really good because I was very happy. And it's true. It shines.

No, that's the filter that you choose.

Oh, is it.

The filters? I can't.

Okay, we need a filter right now.

No, we look horrible. We will be the first ones to tell you when we think we will. We look terrible right now.

It's not a great.

Not our best look, but it's okay. Yeah, no, it's so. It's great. I mean, it's so fun. It is so funny.

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One of the things I want to talk about was, and I mentioned this to you at the church yesterday. Yesterday was one of the first times I've been back in a traditional Catholic church in a really long time in years. And my faith journey has me very much in a different type of worship season right now with Christian faith is so incredibly different. And what the things that struck me, number one, I felt like a little nervous. Like you almost feel like getting judged the minute you walk in. Like, I hope this dress is appropriate for being in church. And I didn't feel the way that I feel when I walk in.

You felt that way?

Oh yeah. It took me back to being a kid. Like, oh gosh. Remember I started saying to you the rules. You're not supposed to receive communion if you weren't in a traditional church the week prior. I remember the rules and I remember the dictates and just that sense of kind of being judged, that hit me very quickly. So I understand so much. So when I hear people who, you know, they don't like church, they don't have a good feeling around it. I sort of have, you know, not the greatest memories of that. It's so different now, you know, so different.

Because what you're saying is people are taken back by religion.

Yes.

And right now you, Heather, are in a relationship with God. So it's a difference. And you know, Catholicism is a lot of rules and that's why people push back. So faith. You know, both of us go to Christian churches that there aren't any rules. It's Bible based. So Jesus loved everyone. That's the message. Love your neighbor as yourself. And that's what we're doing here.

So.

So Heather looked at me when communion was being served and she said, should I go, I said, yes, why not just ask, right?

Right away you said that, but I said, no. The rule is, I remember, if you haven't been the week before, you're not supposed to receive. And you said to me, why wouldn't you receive? Like, there are no rules. That's what you said.

I did.

And so I.

With Jesus, there are no rules.

You're right.

There are no rules.

You're right. But I was thinking of the Catholic Church. I was thinking of religion. Not, like, what you're saying. Right.

Relationship.

The funny thing is, I hadn't changed. Just the geography changed. I walked into a traditional church and suddenly my mindset changed. So it's sort of interesting that your brain could change so quickly just in the environment, because of the way I had grown up. Right. So once Kelly gave me permission to receive, I felt, okay. This is okay for me. So this is why it's so important who you surround yourself with. So important, you know, the people that you choose to listen to. My back process from my second book, Overcome youe Villains. That third piece, the knowledge that you choose to access and support yourself with. Like, in that moment, you granted me permission. And immediately I stood up and said, okay, let's. Yeah, why wouldn't I receive Christ? Like, let's go, let's do it. And then I was so glad that I did it, but I needed that permission because I had reverted to an old way of thinking because of the geography I found myself in. So bizarre.

It is. But my cousin's son just said this the other day. He said, oh, I really don't do religion. And I said, why? Or we were talking about God, and he said, yeah, I just. I don't really have an interest in all of those rules.

He actually said that, Yeah, I get it.

Her son. And I said, well, I just want you to know one thing. I'm not part of a religion. I have deep faith. I love. I love God. I love Jesus. It is the same Jesus and God in Catholicism as my church. But I'm in relationship, and I really just want to stress that to people. You don't. Not to go on a church tangent right now, but you don't have to feel nervous about God. It's really about you. Just. It's like Heather and I having a conversation. That's how I talk to God. Yeah, I want him part of my life. I want to know he's taking care of me. I. I feel his peace, his presence all the time. So take religion out of your head if you're you know, taking. You know, maybe you have bad feelings about religion. Just know that you can have a relationship with God, your own special, unique relationship with him. And it all just starts with talking. A normal conversation, a prayer, like, guide my day today. You know, I never feel alone, and I think that's the biggest blessing. Like, I want my kids to know they're never alone. And, you know, we want to bring up our children knowing they're never alone, not to go off on faith. Let's go back to the church, because I know he wanted to talk about the mass itself. It was so beautiful, you guys. I haven't been to a Catholic mass in so long, but the priest was hilarious. But he was. He was hilarious.

He.

You know what the difference is when the priest that marries someone.

Oh, my gosh.

Or you go to a funeral and the priest knows the actual person.

It's such a difference.

It's such a connection. And the audience feels it.

Yes.

Like, he knew the bride and groom so well. He made jokes. It was just beautiful.

He was moved.

He was moved. He teared up.

He started tearing up. Yeah. And when that happened, it made it so much more meaningful. It was so, so meaningful.

That's what it is. It was very meaningful. It was a beautiful Mass. And, you know, it was very traditional. It was sit, nail, stand.

We hated the kneeling part. Remember? We're like, oh, my gosh, our knees are killing us.

We hated that. We were all in our dresses. No, but it was. It was beautiful. The church was very pretty. And the father did a great job.

He did an amazing job. He was hilarious. To your point, it makes such a big difference who's leading in an environment like that. Right. Because had he been more that traditional way, that would have been not as a memorable ceremony. And I felt so compelled to. I went up to him at the reception afterwards.

I did, too.

Oh, you did? Oh, good for you. Oh, good.

He was so happy.

I wanted to encourage him to let him know that, you know, someone like me who had been, you know, very big in. Grew up in Catholicism and then moved away from it and didn't have great feelings. Like, he opened that door to make me feel. I was feeling really good about it again. Me, too.

Yeah, he did a great job. Everything was perfect. We can't say enough about this wedding. I mean, it was incredible. It was epic.

Epic. I mean, this guy waited 48 years to get married for the first time, and it was worth it.

It was just so much fun. So many good things happened last night. So many.

So many great people that I forgot.

About the relationships just kindled just picked right back up.

I mean the dancing. Like just the whole family. My singing.

I mean my singing all.

Oh my gosh.

The voice.

Oh my gosh. Oh, the dancing and the singing.

Such.

You guys, my calves are killing me.

My feet are killing me.

I was jumping like I was on a trampoline.

Why didn't we have flip flops on the whole night? Why were we wearing giant high heels? Horrible decision. Collateral damage. We had to look a certain way. Oh, it was painful.

Sometimes it is painful.

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Okay? So not living in New England for the past 20 years because I, as you know, I live in Miami. I appreciate the foliage so much. I appreciate so much more how beautiful it is here now that I don't live here.

So Heather comes every Thanksgiving to my house with my family and she always misses October, the foliage. And it's a short season, right. With the leaves changing. They don't last. It's only. I wish it would be at least four weeks. It's not. It's like two and a half and it's gorgeous.

It's exceptional. Yeah, it's like incredible.

It's a golden hour.

Yes.

All day. It's beautiful. So she flew in and she said her and her son Dylan, they were looking out on the plane and just how beautiful it is. And I've never flown and I I usually go up north and we drive. We take a trip every fall, my husband and I, but I've never really flown in the fall.

Oh, you said that. You said that you need to take a flight.

To take a flight now. Now I have to wait next year, right?

Because it's already, literally, the leaves are falling off today.

It's already falling off.

It's getting very quick. It's so fast. It's so fast, but so spectacular. And it's something I always took for granted when I lived here, but now it just. Wow. It just so jumps out at me because we only see green trees where I live. Right. So it's like suddenly when something's taken from you or absent from your life, you really appreciate it so much more.

Right? Right.

I'll be happy when I'm back in Miami, but it's nice to see for sure.

Well, we'll miss you.

I'll miss you guys, too. I mean, listen, as I was telling you, one of the things that stinks about being single is when you have to go to a wedding by yourself because you're like, ugh, this is going to be awful. Everyone's going to ask why I'm not married. Like, it's just. It reminds you're, you know, not in a relationship with somebody. But yesterday that was not the case at all.

Nobody even asked me.

No one even asked me why I was single. Isn't that crazy? Usually that happens.

I've been married forever. I never thought about it that being a single person, going and having all the people. It's like when a woman is getting married, oh, you haven't kids yet.

Exactly. Same thing.

I never thought about that. That is uncomfortable. People should say, keep your opinions to yourself, though.

Yeah.

You know, if you show up single, okay. It doesn't have to be about, oh.

Aren'T you getting married? Why is that? Right. But what's going on?

Why do you feel single people feel like that?

Of course they do.

Especially in your 40s when you show up somewhere.

Oh, my gosh. Of course. Yeah. So it's definitely.

But I'm happy you felt comfortable. And it was.

Oh, yeah. And you know what was so funny is I was talking. There was a lot of my ex boyfriends were there yesterday, which is so weird.

Right?

That's one of the funny things. Coming home.

That is so.

And then I was talking to a friend of mine who I forgot was a cousin of another guy that I had dated. And I said. And he was telling me how well he's doing and I said, oh, gosh, I guess it was an epic fail. I broke up with him, and he looked at me and he said, no, you were so right to break up with him. And it was just one of those funny moments that you're like, I was joking when I said it, but he was saying no, like, Heather, good move. So it's just like that further affirmation that, okay, yeah, I did listen, I might be single, but I'm glad I didn't say settle for any of these people that were not meant for me.

Exactly. You're right where you're supposed to be.

And that's what you just have to accept and welcome that. Who knows what tomorrow holds? Who knows what today holds? Life is literally an adventure. It's gonna be whatever it is meant for you. And you just have to move forward with that optimism and that excitement for, like, who knows what's gonna happen next? But I just can't wait. It's. It's so fun.

It is so fun. The journey is always. The joy is in the journey.

Yes.

I love that. It's not the finish line always. It's like, what's next? Where am I gonna be next? Like, who am I gonna meet next? It's exciting.

Yeah, it really is exciting.

Well, then God has a plan for you, and God has a man for you. Okay, we're gonna make a shirt. He has a plan and a man, and it's coming.

Oh, we need that. I like that T shirt.

We gotta get that.

God has a plan and a man for you.

He has a man. So stay. Just. Just be where you are.

Okay, tell me. You have such an incredible marriage. You're such an incredible husband. You're such an incredible wife. How do you guys keep it? Like, we're talking about how it's exciting for me because we don't know what's coming next in my life. How do you keep it exciting for you guys when you do know what's coming next?

Oh, that's so good. You know, my husband and I, Tony, we really work hard at our marriage. We really do. It's not just the way it is because it's just the way it is. We really put time in with each other. We spend quality time together.

You guys date.

We date. Yeah, exactly.

You really do.

We really do. If you guys are stuck in a relationship and you've been married for a while and stagnant, I'm telling you, you have to put that time in with that person so you don't just doing the same thing. It Gets monotonous. You have to go on a date, go somewhere different. Tony and I just went to Maine, right? It's this beautiful hotel we go to. And we found it. We happen to find it through another friend, but we just date, like you said. That's exactly right. He'll say, let's go out, let's go to dinner. We don't lose it, you know, we don't just get. You know, every day we do the same things that can. And I watched my parents. You know, I had really great parents. They loved each other, but they didn't date like me and Tony. They had a great marriage, though. The best. But I. It was day in, day out doing the same thing. And you see people get bored all the time, right? So you have to really put work into your relationships so they can flourish, because they'll get stale.

But, you know, one thing I'll add to as an observer, you know, and longtime friend of both of you, independently, here's what I'll say that I noticed. And he and I were speaking about this this morning. He was telling me, like, oh, I'm gonna start coaching. And I'm like, he's taking on new things of interest to him, separate from you. Like, not negative, but, like, stuff to make him interested and interesting and trying different things that are cool and, like, giving back and doing his own things that make him happy. And then you do the same thing. Like, you just went to California and, like, you were like, I'm gonna. You know what? I wanna invest in myself and I wanna, like, learn and grow and, like, be around people who are ahead of me. And, like, you go invest in yourself and you take that time to stay interesting. Like you both separately and together work on yourselves.

Exactly. That's so important because we have to. Constantly evolving and growing as people, and we have to keep climbing. We have to keep trying new things. So Tony and I. That's a good point. Cause I never looked at it like that. But he does. He does a lot of things on his own. I do a lot of things on my own. And we do a lot of things together. But we love where each other is at. Love the things he's doing. The man he is. And I think he respects me, too. It's a respect thing, you know? So I think that's part of having a strong relationship, you know, when people try to change the other person. Like, he doesn't do what I want him to do, right?

He's.

I'm like, well, he's not supposed to change. He's him. You should love him. You fell in love with the guy, so why are you trying to change him, love him for him. So I think that's a really positive thing that Tony and I share. He loves me for me. I love him for him. And we don't try to change each other.

But one of the things you do is you're champions for one another. You encourage each other so much.

So that's what makes a great marriage. I wanted a great marriage. I declared that my whole life. Like I so my mom, I love talking about my mom. So. But she did. She taught me to put the time and tell my husband he's handsome, you know.

Yes.

After 20, whatever, she would always say, Kelly, before he leaves in the morning, did you tell him he looks good? And I'm like, no. Cause you don't think about doing that right. But she taught me to do those little things that just make a marriage, make a relationship.

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I'm in your office and I'm looking At all the messages. Like, I so believe in the power of messaging and the power of frequency and what you see and surround yourself with. And literally there's so many pictures in here of you and your husband kissing, of you and your husband getting married. And then there's all these messages of with God, all things are possible. Love is patient, love is kind. I'm going to make you so proud. There's all these positive messages all around.

The walls too, right?

Like this is work, but you make a commitment to do it.

I love it. You said the frequency. Yes. And it's constant. If I don't tell myself all this and look at this constantly, you know, I need to feed myself these positive messages all the time. If you don't do that, then you're going to take all the negative thoughts in your head that we have 80,000 a day. Those are going to fill up. You're going to start believing those. So you have to put the positive in. You know, I just got this new one. God is making a way where there seems to be no way. Because there's so many times when you're in trouble or you're just, you know, stressed out. And I always say, God will make a way when there seems to be no way. So that's my newest one.

I love that one. I love it. Tell everybody. How can they find you? Tell them about your podcast, Tell them about the book.

Okay, so Kelly tyen on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook. My book is called Addicted to the Climb and my podcast is also called Addicted to the Climb. It's really a message and a movement for women particularly. I've been coaching women for years, but just to help people stay on the climb with a very strong faith. So when life gets unshakable, you're firmly planted with God. So you can find me there. And message me if you have any questions. I'd love to chat with Heather's listeners and I will have a better voice on my podcast. This is just a one time thing. I'm gonna go to bed.

Well, thank you for showing up for me today. Thank you for showing up for our listeners and thank you for your commitment to faith, for giving me permission in a traditional scenario yesterday. And thank you for being you.

Thank you, Heather, for having me.

Until next week. Keep creating your confidence. I decided to change that dynamic. How do you like their mouth? I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around. Once in a while. You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.