#321: How To Start Collecting Confidence TODAY With Kim Gravel Entrepreneur & TV Personality

It's what we put our confidence in, that it matters. It's not about having it. Do you have it or do you not have it? And I believe we're all born with it. I truly believe every single person is born with a calling and born with confidence. Your calling is not what you're doing. It's not an occupation. It's a vocation. And that word vocation comes from that Latin word vocar, which means to call. And so everybody knows that they have a why they're here, a reason for being.

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me. We are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow.

Fasten your seat. I'm ready for my close up.

Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Oh, my gosh. I very rarely have a guest on twice, but today is an exception because Kim Gravel is that amazing. She's the host of of a bevy of number one shows on qvc. Wildly successful entrepreneur, television personality, motivational speaker, life coach, host of the Kim Gravel show podcast. She was the youngest contestant to become Miss Georgia and later starred in Lifetime Network's hit docu series Kim of Queens. In 2016, Kim launched her apparel line Belle by Kim Gravel on qvc, followed by Bell Beauty Cosmetics a year later. Kim lives outside Atlanta with her husband Travis and two sons. Kim, thank you so much for being here today.

Oh, Heather, I love you so much. You know that I'm a big fan of yours. So thank you for having me.

Oh my gosh, I love you. And this is Kim is such a supporter of other people. Guys, get good people in your life and if you don't know enough good people. Now I'm introducing you to 1. Follow Kim on social media, get her new book Collecting Confidence. And Kim, I so love the topic of confidence, as you know. So I really want to get into the book and I think it's going to help so many people today talking a little bit about not only your tips and tactics that you set up amazing in the book, but some of these stories that you share that are so impactful that people who look at you on the outside would never guess that you'd struggled with confidence. And I love some of the reveal that you share in the book.

Oh, God, I struggled with confidence this morning.

Yeah.

I mean, it's one of those things you never get there, you know. You know, it's not a destination. It waxes and wanes. It ebbs and flows. It's up and down. But it's what we put our confidence in that it matters. It's not about having it. Do you have it or do you not have it? And I believe we're all born with it. I truly believe every single person is born with a calling and born with confidence. We lose it. The trauma of life and. And the messes that we make of our life and the crappy things that happen to us rob us of it. It steals it. It chips away. And when I started writing the book and looking back over my life, I thought, oh, this is where I lost a little bit. This is where I lost a little bit. And it was through all those messes and those mistakes that I really gained the most confidence. It's kind of like backwards, you know what I'm saying? Kind of like it's. But it's true. It's.

For me, getting fired is like one of those epic moments where it was hell in the moment and I couldn't see that anything good was happening at all in the moment.

I.

Of the suck. It sucks. But when you can connect the dots in the future and look back, you realize what a pivotal moment that was.

And you know what, Kim?

This is. I love this about your book. For me, that was the beginning of figuring out what my true calling in life was. I had never even thought about that. And for anyone listening right now, you haven't found your calling yet. If you're not sure you even have a calling. Oh, my gosh. You need this book so much. Kim shares so much around figuring out what your calling is. And this knowing that you have. That everyone has a calling. Can you share a little bit about that?

Yeah. Well, we're all born with it. We're all born with this innately, why are we here? And we're born knowing what that is. And again, we get distracted, discouraged, and doubtful about why that is. I can trace my calling back to when I was in the fifth grade. And when I was in the fifth grade, you have to get the book and read it because it's too long to share it. But I was in this fifth grade talent show, and I had created this band, this air band called Rare Edition. And I put the band together and I got all the instruments and the keyboard and the drums and the bass, and I got all that together and got my girlfriends to do an air band and pretend they were in a band and I was singing. And so we ended up winning the talent show. And I thought, well, that's it. I'M going to be a singer. I was distracted by what I was doing instead of what I was building. And so for me, when I started looking back over my life when I was about 35, I realized, no, I'm not. I'm not a singer. I'm a builder. I'm an edifier. I do that in everything I do with my friendships, with my relationships, with my children, with my businesses, with the podcast. Everything I do is to build up people, businesses, things. So your. Your calling is not what you're doing. It's not an occupation. It's a vocation. And that. That word, vocation comes from that Latin word vocar, which means to call. And so everybody knows that they have a why they're here, a reason for being everybody. And I go around and ask this question all the time, Heather. I say, okay, everybody I can talk to, you know, I'm talking to a couple hundred women or people and say, all right, how many of you know you have a purpose or a calling? Every single. I mean, how many people know that everybody has a purpose in calling? Every single hand goes up, Heather. Every single hand. Nobody's like, no, I don't believe we have one. And then I say, okay, put your hands down. How many of you know what yours is? And nobody, not one person has ever gone, I know. Not even a pinky up. Nothing. I've never had someone raise their hand, go, yes, I know what my calling is.

I know what mine is. It only took me 43 years to figure it out.

Right, right. Mine was, like, almost 40 years as well. What is yours?

You know, I believe. And I like the way that you framed it. It's not an occupation. It's a vocation. It's something so much bigger. So thank you. I've never heard that for. That was powerful, guys. If you missed that, it isn't just about a job you're in. It's so much bigger than that. Because when I got fired and I wrote my first book, Confidence Creator, and then I started getting feedback from people on how it was changing their lives and helping them. And then I started my speaking career, and then I started my podcast, to your point, it was like, at first, I'm like, oh, maybe I'm an author, and that's my calling, is to teach books. Until it started shifting into way, I'm a way better speaker than I am a writer. I'm better live. Right? And then it was like, oh, wait a minute. But then I'm just a speaker, and I had to open my mind to maybe my purpose in life is to empower others and get others to believe in themselves and reach their potential as a champion for others in the world. And yes, I utilize my own trials, tribulations and experiences to do that. But that's the theme that I see, like, carrying through everything that I'm doing. So it's hard to say, like, what.

Do you do for a living?

Right. Because there's so many different facets of it when you open your mind to this kind of big picture purpose in life. Thank you for framing that up.

Yeah, but, but you're. If you know you're a champion, if you know you're a champion of people and you're an empower. You empower people. You can do that in every single level of your life. You can do that as a mot, as an auntie, as a. As a business person. Because like mine is to edify us, to build. And so everything, like when I have opportunities that come to me and it doesn't have an element of building, I know that's not for me because I will not have the energy and the expertise or the wherewithal, the willpower to see it through. So everything, knowing your calling, everything goes back to that because you can do so many things out of that calling. It's not just what you do is who you are.

Sometimes don't you feel like it's easier for others to identify it in someone than it is for someone else to realize it for themselves?

Absolutely. And let me just go ahead and just bust the myth right here on your show. And people say, well, I'm a mother. No, that ain't your calling. Nope, I'm a kind person. No, that ain't your calling. It's an action. It's an actionable, it's actionable thing. It's an actionable gift. It's an actionable, undescribable, supernatural, God given thing that you have to do. And everybody has one. You know, callings are not respecter of persons. Everybody has one. Very few people get to the place where they know what it is and live out of it.

So how do you advise people? What steps are you suggesting people take so that they can find their calling?

You have to look at the common thread throughout your life. Like, I started really looking at my life and I'm trying to teach my kids that now because a lot of times things, things that. Things that have been a commonality through the events in your life, and nine times out of ten, they're through the cruddy times Go through the mistakes and messes because we're on the mountaintops. We're like, oh, great, you know, I can do this, I can do that. You know, it'd be so easy for me with my businesses to go, oh, it's my personality. You know, you can say, you can, you can give excuses to the wins, but the losses that we have in our lives that really reveals a lot about who we are. And every loss I have had in my life or every mistake I have made out of my life, it has been when I'm not living from my authentic calling, every mistake. So if you trace those mistakes back or those moments back, you can see this common thread throughout your life where you've not listened to that gut instinct or you've made decisions knowing, this is not what I should be doing. I'm better than this. The thing is that we start doubting and we start letting the trauma of our life and the negativity and the self talk say this in the book. You don't need no freaking haters on social media because we hate on ourselves far greater than they do. So much so. And, and also tell, I tell you say this in the book. If you're coming up against, like if, if you're, if something, an opportunity comes at you and you resist it, you get pissed off at it or, or you get aggravated about it, please lean into that because nine times out of 10, that's part of what you should be doing that is connected to your calling. It's almost like the whispers or even sometimes the screams of the doubt that we have about ourselves shows so much about who and what we should be doing. It's the most bizarre thing. I know it sounds like an upside down world, but whenever I stand up to speak or do a live show or do anything where I'm using my mouth to edify, to build up people, I'm always the most doubtful. You're kidding me.

Still, after thousands, you've done thousands of shows.

You're kidding. Girl, girl. Because it's the one thing that I know that connects. It's the one thing I know I can't betray. It's the one thing I know. Okay, I got to step out of myself. I've got to give this to God and let him do his thing through my calling. It's a huge responsibility who much is given, much is required. But I'm telling everybody, when you feel the one thing that you feel insecure about, if you will dig deep and you will dig it out, that's probably connected to your calling.

Well, now that you're saying that the scariest moment of self doubt that I've had in the last couple of years was the day I gave my TEDX talk. I thought I was going to pass out. I was so fearful, I thought I was going to blink and blow it on stage. I mean, you don't even want to know. I could have, have thrown up that day. That's. It was psychotic how down on myself I got. And then I, luckily I lowered the expectations on myself. I said, if you just walk out there, I'm going to be proud of you. And so that was how I went out. That TEDx talk got promoted to TED, translated into six languages. Killed it. Right. But it was all about crossing that, that, that chasm of fear in order to step into it. And yeah, you're right, it is so connected to my calling. So I think that's awesome advice.

But think about that, you know, because I always talk about the enemy because I'm a woman of faith. Why would the enemy want you to take that step and do the TEDx? To do that empowering and championing message that you did to go to another level? Everything is about next level. So, so if he can't stop you, he can't stop you from being effective. He can stop how many people you affect.

Ooh, that's true.

Okay, so, so why would you not have fear about going to the next flipping level? That's what I tell people all the time. People stop ahead of really going into the next step of their calling. But that, that tells you that's what you need to be doing.

Then. Ooh, that's, that's so powerful. I never thought of it that way. That's such a good motivator, Kim. Thank you for saying that.

But am I making sense? I want to make sure sometimes I get my own head. But it's not, it's not. There's nobody that can limit you. There's nothing that can stop it, there's nothing that can detain it or delay it except you.

That's a lot of responsibility that people don't want to accept. A lot of people want to point and I hope listening right now, guys, you're not these people. But they want to point out and say, well, he won't let me do it, she won't let me. I don't have enough money to do it. You want to look at all the excuses, but nobody wants to say, actually me, out of fear, stopping myself, that's it.

But that's the truth. And because everything is trying to you have a true enemy. It could be yourself, it could be the devil, whatever you want to call it. There is something trying to stop that calling being fulfilled in your life because when you step into it, you're going to be so successful and so effective and so confident that that's what you say. Kim, how do you stay I'm fearful all the time, but when I step into my calling, when I step there and go no, you know, like you did, nobody can out edify me. Nobody can bring out the best in others better than me. They might can do it as good, but not when I step into that zone.

It's unstoppable because I know everyone has that in them. Whatever they're calling it, everyone has that.

Everyone.

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You brought up faith and I'm glad that you did. And, and we do talk about faith on this show and for everyone listening right now, I think it's so important if, if you're not someone who studies the Bible, if you're not going to church regularly, but maybe you believe that there's something larger out there than you, something obviously so much more bigger than all of us and more powerful than all of us. It's helpful for me the way you're so much further down your faith journey than I am. Your faith is so strong and even in the beginning, your book, you start dedicating the book to your parents and, and, and really attributing so much to their faith and, and their walk and what you were able to see and then embo then of course you know you did things along your own way. As you explain in the book, with the time you spent alone and reading the Bible and how powerfully that has impacted your life and it's so clear. But to me that is one of the biggest game changers and I'm so I know that you feel the same way that that when you put your cornerstone of your confidence on faith and you realize that God is within you and God is with you and you are never alone, that's next level confidence. To me that, that truly is remarkable, don't you think?

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what's going on with, with faith and churches and all of this I've been a believer for a long, long time. I've walked with the Lord for a long time, since I was a little, little girl. And then there's times I've not walked really close with them either. Right. I challenge everybody because I say all the time, I'm a woman of faith. And if you're not, that's okay. That is okay. But at the very least, have some faith in yourself because you got to know. And most people know because when I talk to them, they know. They know that they're special, they're one of a kind. They do the self. Hey, everybody did. But when you drill it down and really talk to people, they know there's something more for them. They do that comes from God. But faith is not a church. It's not even a community. It's not your family. It's not your brother, sister, cousins once removed, mother's father's faith. Faith is very individualistic. God loves you. We're not even talking about he loves me or Heather or whatever. He loves you. He wants you to be everything he's created you to be. And people are like, you know, when you, when you grow up in the faith, you're supposed to give to other people and be a good citizen and tithe your money. Yeah, you gotta do all that. But that's the overflow of you having a relationship with your creator. It's almost a very. My relationship with God is very selfish. I'm very selfish when it comes to my relationship with God. My relationship with God is not related to your relationship with him. I tell people all the time in great authority, when you start getting and understanding and comprehending how God made you one of a kind, individually, fearfully and wonderfully made, you will change how you look at everybody else. I'm telling you, that's where we get it wrong. We're always saying faith is the collective. Faith is that one on one growing your faith with him and you. That's where my empowerment came from. That's where my whole. Back up, baby. If you don't, if you don't. When I go to business and I understand, I remember I had this huge meeting. Girl, he was a Harvard graduate, blessed harvest, cutest button. He had like 2.2.5 kids. I was in this big meeting. Someone was trying to really deter my business. And you know, I get, I get thought of as, you know, a middle aged Southern woman with big hair and, you know, bleached blonde hair and a big butt. So people do free judge. Yeah, right. They do. So I was sitting there talking to this gentleman, and he was sitting. He was so condescending, which I love, because I'm just letting him dig his hole, honey, because I'm getting ready to blow up Buttercup. He's never gonna see it coming. So, you know, he was talking to me about something, and. And I just remember going, you know what I'm about? I'm about. I'm about to show him what time it is. And so after he finished talking, long story short, I sliced and diced and got down to one last question. He just thought I was just crazy. And long story short, the meeting ended up going my way, and I ended up making a lot more money on the deal than he even thought. He never saw me coming. I was an obvious underdog, but I could never have done that unless I knew who I was and what I was created to do. There's such power in believing in God and that he has something for you, and in turn, believing in yourself because of that. See, we a lot of times put our faith in what we do. Oh, we've made a lot of money, or we're super thin and pretty, or, you know, I've been married and have a great marriage, or my kids are. My kids are fantastic. Girl, honey, I meet so many people that they're putting their hopes and dreams and the sports activities of their kid in the seventh grade. I can't even tell you. But that's not where I place my identity. I place my identity in him and what he's called me to do.

So, Kim, what does that mean? And I know that story because you share it in much more detail in the book. But when you say, because this is interesting to me, I have not thought about it this way. And I so appreciate the things you teach me about faith. When you're in a meeting and you're being challenged by someone like that, you know the person's wrong. They're being kind of saying all the negative things, right? And what you're doing when you are sitting there just listening is you're connecting with God and with your faith and saying, I'm going to stand in the purpose and reason why I'm here. And with that belief, I'm going to move forward knowing it's going to go the right way because I'm stepping into my purpose.

Yes. And if you don't get it, I say in the book also, don't try to convince people. Don't try to sell people and change their mind about who you are. If they don't get you and understand your dream or understand where you're coming from. They're not your people. And I knew in that you don't want to do this deal, man. Ain't no water off my. It's just like a water off a duck's back. It ain't no big thing to me because you're not my people. You're going to lose a lot of money, but I'm not.

Oh, you have. There's something that you say in this book. I flagged it. It resonated with me. It was something. Don't waste time trying to convince people that you are right or enough number one. And then the other thing that you get into in that same chapter, I believe is around this fear that we have of letting go of something. What is that?

You gotta let go to gain everything. You gotta let. I will promise everyone listening to hear. You cannot dream a bigger dream for your life than God has. Your little dreams that we have for ourselves are so small. I can't tell you the small thinking I have had about what God can do to and through me. Very small thinking.

So how do you open up to the bigger plan and God's plan? Is it through prayer? Is it through reading the Bible? How do you advise people to do that? Go.

Let go of the outcome. Let it go. Let it go and wait. Power.

Wait.

I say this in the book. Power wait on what God has for you. When. When you're in that waiting period and it's not happening and you're hustling, don't hustle. You can't make opportunities for yourself. You can be prepared for them when they come, but you can't go. We're not that big of creators. We can't go and manifest and make the opportunity. We can't. Because you know why we can't? Because how many things have happened to you? And for you, Heather, that started off like a little mustard seed and it just, you know, like, oh my God. All that came from that. Like, we don't. We don't know the ways. We don't know what's going on behind the scenes. All we can do is prepare for that opportunity. When it comes to us, letting go.

Sounds so easy, but it is incredibly hard.

Not if you remember when he shown up for you in the past. That's why it's so good to. When I talk about the book, you got to go back. You got to trace that history. You got to see his hand, okay? And if you can't trace his hand, you got to trust his heart. You have to. You have to see every little thing, like how he's taking care of you when you got fired. Look at what he had. All of that for you.

I had no idea. I had. I had no idea.

And could you have ever thunk it? No.

No. If somebody had told me the day I got fired, with the next five years were ahead of me, my life to discover my purpose, the people I would impact, the opportunities I would be given, the doors that would be open, the people I'd be connected to like you.

I had.

I would have never believed it.

There's such freedom, Heather, of letting go. You really exhale when you let go of an outcome. And look, I know there's some of you. Listen. Wants a husband so bad. There's some people here that want a career so bad or want a baby so bad. There's a lot of things that we desire and want, and those things are fantastic. I'm not saying don't dream, hope, have plans. I'm not saying any of that. I'm just saying we have to let go of the timing and what it looks like, and it's hard to do. But when you can master that skill of going, you know what, you got it. I'm in your hands. And prepare. You have to prepare. A lot of people talk about manifestation and willing things into being. Yeah, I agree with that. I believe thoughts are things, and I believe that, you know, we can. We can manifest in those kind of ways, but manifestation is really just letting go and believing there's something bigger out there for you.

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It seems so simple, but on the daily to remind yourself, you know, it's a new. It's a new way of thinking for most of us. I know for me, I grew up a control freak. You know, felt feeling like everything's spiraling out of control. I better take hold of everything that I can and micromanage it and control it. But to your point, when I live like that, I worked harder than I've ever worked. And magical doors weren't opening for miracles weren't happening or falling in my lap. And I was thinking, okay, well this is just my life and this is how it is for me until I found myself in such a bad situation that I had no choice but to let go. And that's when the miracle started showing up.

That's when the calling really started surfacing. Because we the messes don't mess you up. They make you up. The messes and mistakes make who you are. That's what I'm saying. You had to get to the bottom to let go. And you can choose to let go. Like I had to do it. I had to do it last night. My son is going to 8th grade dance and my oldest son is. He's a little jealous of my youngest son because things come really naturally, personality wise to my youngest son. And my oldest son is such a brainiac, such a. Oh, bless his heart. He's so intuitive and he so has such integrity and strengths and he's so, you know, he's so ahead of his time, Heather. And so he just finds struggle and like, why are these people doing this? I mean he's so justice. I mean he's so strong. And I watch him and I just want to take a hold and just micromanage him and tell him every little thing to do and life coach him into his purpose. And I had to say to myself, girl, he gonna have to fail. You gonna have to step back, let this boy fall flat on his butt or he's never gonna learn it.

You're right though. It's better to let them do that then at that age versus have to wait till his forties to start figuring that part out. That like we did. Let him let go. Now that's so interesting.

I told him, I said, I said, all I say to him, I say is, beau, you got to let go of the outcome, baby, and just do what you can do and prepare and the doors will open. I have a chapter about him in the book about this. And I have sat there and watched God show up for this kid over and over in supernatural big ways. He doesn't even comprehend it. And I try to remind him of that. And I'm telling you, everybody sitting here, he's done the same for you. Now, look, I'm not trying to beat the band and tell you you got to be a Christian tidy 10% and all that. That's on you. That's between you and your relationship with God or. Or not. I'm just telling you what's worked for me.

Yeah, and it has worked. I mean, hello, it has worked for you. What age were you when you really stepped into this?

Knowing the fifth grade talent show. And then it came back to me when I was in middle school and. And then it came to me again when I was winning Miss Georgia, and then I lost it. It came to me again when I decided to do a TV show. That's what I show in the book. It's. Confidence is not really the thing we're talking about here. Okay? Confidence is a result of walking in your calling. And so that calling has always been haunting you. I say this in the book. It's like. It's like a horror movie. And, you know, at the first I said, the call is coming from inside the house. That is what's happening. That's really what. That's why people are depressed. It's not their circumstances. It's. They know that they're more. They know there's something more than what they're in. And so it's like this gnawing haunting in our lives.

It is.

It's not that I don't have any money or I'm overweight or I don't. I'm not in love. That's not. That's just a circumstance. The whole reason people are six feet under in depression and anxiety is because they do not. They know there's more for their life than what they're. What they have.

You just brought up something about weight, and you have a chapter in the book where you're upset about your weight and your father and you are having a conversation. I love if you can just share a little bit about that reframe you provided, which I thought was so powerful.

Well, just briefly, I had gotten. Had my children in my firstborn, and I'd gained, like, 50 pounds. And I just, you know, from a. From a recovering pageant girl who, you know, probably starved herself and exercised herself one time too many. That really wasn't my problem. But I was using that excuse I went to my father's house, who was retired, and I sat down and I was just crying. You know how you get in self pity and wallowing in it. And I said, I'm just so fat, I've lost, I've gained 50 pounds, I can't get it off. And my dad just so calmly, just in, just listen to me. And then when he, when I took a breath, he just said, you're not a fat girl, you're just living like one. And when he said that, Heather, every light bulb, every ding, ding, ding, every flashing light went off in my head. It's so true. We're not broke, we're just living like it. It's our actions that are making us feel that way. That does not define who we are. I am a fat girl is not who I am.

No. And you include in the book I love that I am exercise that you included from a passage from the Bible. What, what exactly was that?

Be careful what follows your I am because a lot of people say I am fat, I am broke, I am this and you're not. So you're lying to yourself. That's why, that's why you're depressed. That's why you're down, because you're saying I'm fat. No, that's not who you are. I am is a huge statement. That's just the circumstance you're in. That's what my dad was saying. You're not a fat girl, you're just living like one.

It's incredibly powerful. What word you place after? I am. I actually I in the morning. I pray in the morning. And then I have some mantras.

I do.

And my I am statements are there. I can change the words I use, but it's always I am love. I am God's child. I am blessed. I am talented. I am healthy. I am wealthy. I have opportunities. I am blessed. Like whatever. Like whatever is coming to you around.

Who you truly are.

And maybe it's not how you're living today, like, like you're saying, but who you've been born to be. Are owning it now.

But see, again, I'm going to go back to that. That who you really are, it's not that it's just cloaked, it's just hidden, it's just forgotten. I am called to something really great. And how you know you're called to something great is because you wouldn't, you wouldn't know that. Do you know what I'm saying? That's not something you just, you just don't Wake up one day and just say, I can't. I'm not giving a good example here, but how you know that you're called to something is because you know it. It's annoying. It's annoying. I mean, like, it. It's not something I have to go and. And teach someone. It's not something I have to go and encourage someone. Every person raises their hand and knows. I don't have to convince people. I never have to say, do you think you have a purpose? I never have to have to say, well, you sure do. I never have to convince people that they have a purpose ever. Even little children or old people, they know that. So why. If you know that, why do you doubt that? Why do we not live that out? It's because. It's because of bad habits. It's because of all of the crap that's happened to us. And we just take life as it comes. We don't live life, we just take it. It just comes at us. We're not intentional with knowing, okay, this. I'm not doing this, because that's not really what aligns with my calling. I'm not doing it.

That is so powerful. And the other thing I would say, too, I'd add to that is it's easier. It's easier to doubt yourself than it is to step into the power of that potential, of that massive calling and what could be. Because then it starts seeming, oh, boy, that's.

If I.

If that really is true and that really. That's going to be some work. That's going to be some scary leaps I have to make, and it is going to be right.

Don't you feel like all those things.

Are going to be.

They're not all layups, not all lineups, but. But they are a compass. You have this true north inside of yourself. I've never met any successful person with an easy past. Never met it. Never met one person. And. And people write these books, 10 steps on how to be successful. 10 steps out of this. You only step one step. Once you figure out what you're called to do and why you're here, that's all you need. Everything else will follow. See, we want to do the 10 steps. When you don't know why you're here, you're going to be wasting your time, breath, and money.

That is so incredibly true, it's crazy. That's what they need to be teaching kids when they're in school. But nobody's having that conversation.

But let me tell you something, Heather. Like, for my oldest and my youngest, I can already see in my oldest what his superpower is, because everybody has one. And so his strength, he's strong of mine. He's strong of character. He's strong of discipline. He has. He's strong, big. He's. He's just. And I tell him all the time, don't do anything that you cannot display your strength. That is your superpower. That's what they want him on the football team because he's strong. They want him. They want him. He's always. He's not ever always the best player on the team, but he's the strongest in his mind. And then with that strength, he can harness the strength of the whole team. And he don't have to start or play. But see, I'm teaching him now your strength. You're called to be strong, son. That's what you're called to be. That's your. You add strength to a team. You add strength to your family. You. I mean, every. I said don't do anything that you're not strong. I told him to go work out with the weights because your arm is going to be this big because you. Strong.

You mentioned how people have these 10 steps, and you're saying, really? It's only one step. However, you do share. There are exercises in the book which I found really, really helpful. Obviously, the book is around story, first takeaway, but in different segments of the book, you provided these different exercises. And I found them to be super helpful because everyone reading them can pause for a moment and. And figure you can figure some things out pretty quickly that. That I found truly helpful.

Yeah, Like, I love this. I love to let your soul glow. And it's just little, little reminders, right? You know, God is always speaking to you. Get still and listen. Be open to the miracles around you. I'm telling you, everybody watching this has experienced a miracle. But we forget, right? We forget. Practice celebrating others. Your time will come. Oh, girl, that's not the easiest one. The bigger you celebrate other successes, the bigger your success will be.

And that. It truly is so true that that's fact.

You know, and I love this one. There's a big difference between price and value. We always think of everything in price. We don't think of things in value, especially ourselves. Yes. So that's my whole point. When we buy something, we think, what's the price? What's it going to cost me? We never think about, how valuable is this to me? And it should cost a lot because it's of high value.

I want to Read a couple of the chemisms. I love this. The world is broken, but you aren't.

Fact.

Nope. Facts.

Fear is your frenemy. Whatever scares you can drive you toward a deeper faith if you let it.

Girl, that's you.

That. That is. That's so powerful. But it's so helpful to pause for a moment and remember it, because like you said, it just gives you more data to say, oh, this is the fact. I need to continue on this path. This is where I'm supposed to be headed. Because still, like you said, some days we wake up and we're scared and we're like, oh, shoot, pump the brakes every day. Yeah, no, you're right. That. That's. That's a lot better. God's making room for what's next. Don't be afraid to lose what you have now. This one is for me. I still struggle with this in relationship, in so many different things. I still want to hang on because you're thinking, oh, but what if it's meant to be? Instead of, like you said, surrender, Just let go. If it's meant to be, it will be. And if it's not, something else bigger and better is meant for you.

I get comfortable. I can't speak for everybody else. I get so comfortable, and I get like, lord, help. I don't want to do something new. I'm so exhausted. I mean, y'.

All.

But I'm telling you, we're always evolving. We're always changing. He's never going to leave us stagnant.

Yeah, no, that. I don't see that happening for you ever. Stop letting minor people have major roles in your life. Mic drop right there.

And you know what's so funny, Heather? This is so funny. I had become my mother's daughter and my grandmother's granddaughter. I'm the type of person, like, I don't really get offended, but I don't have a problem anymore just, like, telling people they are minor people in my life. And I don't mean that in a negative way or a mean way. I'm just like, you know, hey, you don't get it. I get it. Then we ain't meant to ride this ride together. And it never fails me when I just say, like it is when I just am authentically. Not everybody's going to get along. Not everybody's going to be for you. Probably a lot less people are for you than are against you than there are for you. But when you can call a spade a spade and kind of go, you know what? You know, you're not that adding that much value to my life. And that's okay. We're just not meant to do this part of life together. Inevitably, it changes the whole trajectory of.

That relationship, and it changes your confidence because you're owning your truth. You're. You're speaking your truth instead of holding it in, denying it. And that's powerful.

Don't be ugly. Always be respectful and loving to people. But you don't have to be. You have to love everybody, but you don't have to like them and do life with them. And it's. It's. It's to the point where when you said you're using that voice, you're using your voice and you're in your. And it does build confidence, and it does. It is. Okay, y', all, I'm telling you, my daddy used to tell me this. He goes, carl, you would go speak and sing to a thousand people, and 999 would stand to their feet. You'd be sitting there worried about that one.

It's so true. It's always easier to look at the negative than it is to train ourselves to focus on what went well.

Right? I'm telling y'.

All.

And it's hard, but it's. But it's true. You just got to be able. Like, if the dude doesn't. He's just not that into you, then it's not that he's stupid or wrong or whatever. He's just natural people.

It's that simple. But you're not going to find your people until you let go of the wrong ones. And that I've seen firsthand in my life. Make the space fire your villains. Let those people go. Vote them off the island. And once you clear that space, you make space for those right people to.

Show up for you. Yes. And always go for the elevator. People get around people who are going to lift you up and take you higher. And look, if you don't have people that are speaking life into you, go find you some people that can. People say, well, Kim, that's my editor pushed back on me. She's like, what if you're married to that person? Then you got to go find divorce and all that. I'm not saying that you've got to go find some people that can speak, even if it's just listening to your podcast or reading your book or reading my book. Find something or find some people. They're going to speak life into you, Kim.

You are. So that person can tell what. Tell them about your podcast, how people can Follow you and listen to your show.

Oh, honey, just go to Kim Gravel show. It's everywhere. Podcasts can be found and you know, and get out there and support other people and get good stuff on the inside of you and get quiet. Y' all consider a relationship with God. I'm not saying you gotta have it or you gonna die and go to hell. You know, we have all these big monsters about what church is and what having a relationship with the Lord is, and it's not any of those things. Just consider, just reconsider and just take a small step of faith and watch how your life transforms.

My friend Craig was going through this, Kim recently in the past year, where he had not been a person of faith and became curious. To your point, there's a lot of talk out there, but I don't know. And I like the way he approached it. He said, I didn't know. He said, so I started at night when I would go to bed, I would just say, God, please reveal yourself to me.

Oh, girl. Oh, be careful what you pray for.

Something very simple, but just to be guided to know what you know. Who is God?

What is.

And he explains the miracles that started showing up in his life. They were nothing was a hand of Craig. Craig wasn't devising any of this. This was so beyond powerful and divinely led. He knew God revealed himself to him in these miraculous ways, some small, some big. But none of them were by Craig's device alone. And it opened his mind and his heart and spirit up to faith in a way that it just. It's been such a beautiful unfolding to watch.

So you know what? I would love to talk to him because I'm not so sure God revealed himself to him any more than he already had. I bet you he just had the blinders taken off and saw what's going on. If we knew how God is working all things together for the good of you behind the scenes, you wouldn't be able to handle it.

It's so powerful. It is so massive. And that's such a good point. Oh, my gosh. To your point that God's always there. He's always knocking on the door. It's. If we're choosing to open it and look at it and see it for what it is.

You know, Heather, everybody, you've been saved from car wrecks, you've been saved from cancer. You don't even know it. The things that. That has already been working for your good. You don't even know the ways he's protected curated taking you whole, held you in his hand, hugged you tight, all of that. Even people who don't believe. He blesses. He blesses those who don't believe. God's economy does not just work for some and not for others. It's not a respecter of persons. So it's just he. He wakes us up to what he's doing, and that's what I'm saying. He wakes you up to the calling of your life. He'll wake you up. You've always had the calling. You've always had the confidence. But he'll. He'll spark that. He'll shine a light so big on it, and he'll be a lamp into your feet. Every step you take. You won't know where you're going. You gotta let go of that part. But he'll light each step and be that lamp into your feet and watch and see where your life goes. It'll be everything you never thought but always dreamed of.

Kim, you are that light. You're that light for me. You're that light for everybody listening. Guys, this book is incredible. Collecting Confidence by Kim Gravel. You need to follow her on social media at Kim Gravel everywhere. Definitely. Ig. She's hilarious. Listen to her podcast. But get this book, Collecting Confidence. It's a game changer. And if you have any thoughts not only about your confidence, not only about faith, but your purpose, but just living a bigger, more joyful life, get this book. You are not going to regret it. And Kim, thank you so much for the work that you're doing and for the person you show up in everyone's life, but in mine, too. I really appreciate you.

I love you, girl. You know, I've known from the day I met you, big things. God's got big things for you, and he is showing out in big ways. And I love to see it because it's so encouraging. You being confident has built my confidence.

Oh, my God. Well, how can anyone?

Whenever you're in Kim's fear, all you're.

Going to feel is powerful, confident and amazing. And you do that for me. I love you. Thank you for being here. And I know all my listeners do, too. Guys, go get the book. Collecting confidence. Until next time, we'll be creating confidence with you. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear.

Start learning and growing.

Inevitably, something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while.

You could miss it. I'm on this journey with me.