#336: The Confidence Tips You MISSED From My Masterclass With Heather!

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Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here this week. Okay, so I had a lot of questions about my new masterclass that I just brought to light. And I'll tell you, it was incredible. It went so well. It was over a two day period and everybody, every single person that attended the masterclass voted it a 10 out of 10 on our survey after the event closed. So super proud of my first masterclass. Continuing to move into the unknown test and try different things, it's always gonna be the answer done is better than perfect. Especially when you get 10 out of 10 on your reviews. And listen, if you're not asking your clients for testimonials, start now. There's nothing more powerful than hearing the feedback that your clients have for the work that you not only to help you to market your programs to other people moving forward, but also to get feedback on where can we get better? What would you like to see different? What did you like? What didn't you like? Always trying to find ways. How can we improve, how can we evolve? Because staying the same is staying comfortable and that is no place for us. So because I had so many questions, I wanted to give you a little mashup today. Insight into the three part masterclass which was confidence, personal branding and sales. So today we're gonna be hitting you a little bit of a mashup on confidence. I hope that some of the tips and tricks help support you to level up your confidence. And for all of you that missed this masterclass, check out the show notes below so that you can get on the wait list for the next masterclass. I will email you and make sure that you get invited. And I've got something new coming up too, so make sure that you get your name on these lists so that you get updated on my email list of everything that I'm launching, bringing to market and bringing to add value to you. So here we go. This is gonna be a little insight into my first masterclass around the topic of you know it Confidence. If you like the show, please share.

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All right, here we go. Confidence has really been the foundation for success in my life. And as I mentioned, I am not always confident. I'm certainly Always pushing myself to that next level, to uncertain moments. And anytime I do that, my confidence dips, which I'm super proud of. I think that's amazing. And if you're not rocking that and owning that, I really encourage you too. Because the reality is, and people ask this a lot, what's the difference between being confident and being arrogant? The gap there is so tremendously wide. Arrogant people are the most insecure people they there are. Right? And I know that firsthand. When I was a lot younger, I was very arrogant. I had attributed so much confidence to titles and paychecks and all these external things outside of me had nothing to do with who I was inside. And I would try to be my loudest, most disruptive version of myself to get attention so that people would feel intimidated, so they would think I was confident. And I remember what it felt like being that person, being that version of myself. Cut you. Today, I'm very comfortable in who I am. I don't apologize for it. I own it. I make mistakes all the time. I own those. Right? I'm very comfortable and confident in who I am as a person now. And the disparity between those two versions of me is so big. There is no chance that if you're building your confidence, you're being real with yourself, you're being honest with yourself, that you're anywhere near being arrogant. So please do not fear that. And when you see really, really arrogant people, try to have a little empathy for them, knowing that they are the most insecure of all that I know to be true. Okay? You know, one of my big confidence loss moments is when I was fired unexpectedly in corporate America. And one of the things I found to be really, really helpful is that sounds so basic and simple that anyone can do that. I promise you will deliver you results is creating a 30 day action plan. This was so life saving for me because when you feel like you lost everything and you're just knocked down in a big way, it's hard to stand up and say, where am I going? What does my future look like? Because you don't really know. So it was really, really helpful for me to literally take a piece of paper, break it out, write out 30 days, and then take it one day by one day. And that's so helpful because it can be very overwhelming when you're saying like, what am I supposed to be doing with my life and where will I be in five and 10 years? That pressure feels massive. And that's how I felt when I first got my confidence crush. But When I broke it down into these, like day by day, one day at a time, I knew I could make it through the next day. And I knew that I might not have that next answer yet. And this is where the 30 day plan became powerful for me. I remember number one, we've got to set goals, guys, and we gotta get specific. You know, the more specific we can be, the better. Now that doesn't mean that you have to have the specific goal mapped out clearly right in this instant, but you have to take action towards it. So for me, I remember at first I said, I want to be a more confident version of myself with more clarity at day 30. So that wasn't very clear, but that was the best I could come up with when I was really low. So I mapped that out. The next thing I did was I started that 30 day journey was taking. It's like if you want to lose weight over 30 days, you weigh in on day one, you weigh yourself daily, you set a goal and you need a plan to get there. So I thought, I'm going to weigh in right now. Where am I? And I'm like at a 0.0 on a confidence Richter scale. Like I was wiped out, I had nothing and I felt down and lost. So I'm like, okay, logging in here today that I'm at a zero. I'm not feeling really, really excited about anything, super confused, not sure how to move forward. So then I remember, you know, again, action is important. Intention, goal setting, action, like all these things need to be part of your daily plan that you're revisiting. And so for me, I, I posted, I, I've just been fired. If I've ever done anything to help you, I need to hear from you now. I asked for help, right? So asking for help was something really helpful. And that sent me down a totally different road, which ultimately landed me on the Elvis Duran show, which is where he said to me, spoke a truth and a conviction into me, never underestimate the power of your words. Where he said to me, obviously, Heather, you're writing a book. So again, those things all didn't happen in one day. They happened over a couple month period of time. But taking the action of putting the post up was that first step, that start. And I didn't know 30 days from them that was going to allow me to land on that show or that I was going to meet this person or that idea of inspiration was going to be spoken into me. I didn't know any of those things, but I knew I could take action and put the post up, not knowing where that would go next. So it's just really important that we open our mind to what action step can I take today that I can live with, not knowing where that will take me next, but knowing it's going to take me somewhere. And that in turn will build momentum for you as well.

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This was a game changer for me around confidence. And this is again, it's a cultural thing that we've all been conditioned to do to apologize for everything. I was right there apologizing my whole life for everything. Somebody would bump into me, I would apologize to them. And I remember I figured it out at Barry's boot camp and people were bumping into me all the time and I spent so much time apologizing for it. I want to give Everybody here a 30 day challenge. No more apologizing. Instead, stop making it about you and start making it about everybody else. So when you show up and you disrupt something, thank everybody. Thanks so much for your understanding. I, you know, I was running late and I appreciate your patience. You know, when we start thanking people, we make it about them. Their consideration and being grateful for them and, and it makes other people feel really good. So that's a great challenge for everyone to implement. And while you're doing that simultaneously you're making people feel better about themselves. You start feeling better about yourself. Oh my gosh. Brevity is a superpower. So often people are over explaining things right? Let, let Me tell you why. This, this and this, I don't care. Nobody has any patience anymore. We're all getting messaging sent to us from 9 million different places. Our phones are going, the emails popping off. There's so many things happening at one time. The more condensed and concise we can be. We don't need to over explain ourselves. We don't need to justify everything. We can own who we are and what we're doing. No explanation necessary. And that is a power move around elevating your confidence. Shine your light to inspire others. Quick story I'll never forget. I was giving a talk years ago and I had never shared that I had grown up poor. I was afraid to do it. Fear again. That big fear monster was afraid to do it because I thought people would look down on me and judge me and not see me as powerful in business. And I did it. That day that I did it. My assistant was in the back of the room, had my phone and was livestreaming that speech to Facebook. Unbeknownst to me. I would have never let her do that. She was trying to help because she's a nice person. And what ended up happening was I got off the stage that day and there was hundreds of messages on my Facebook account which I thought would never happen. That's so weird. What's going on? I clicked on it only to see. Thank you so much for sharing that story. I grew up poor too. I never knew that I could get out of this situation like you did. Thank you for leading the way. Thank you for showing what's possible. The amount of gratitude I, I thought I was going to receive judgment. I was deciding something and I had no information to decide that. Right. Like I was deciding for other people, which we can never do. But when in actuality I stepped into the fear, it happened and I was living it. I got all these blessings back from people for leading in a way that I had never anticipated. So, you know, the more we shine our light and own who we really are, the more we shine a light on our own shame and own that, the more we give permission to others to do the same. So try to reverse the way that you see it when that can be something that stops you. Okay. Accountability partners are critical in building confidence. Just like a weight loss partner or a trainer. So someone that you're working with. I've Got a free 30 day accountability email program that I'll send everybody the link for. You'll get an email every day reminding you that you need to step into fear, reminding you that you need to raise the bar on your goals. That big is not big enough, you know, just pushing you. And if you have someone that you trust, that know is your true champion in your life, ask that person, tap them to be your accountability partner. One of my best friends was going through testing for cancer and was going through a really tough time. And she called me and said, I need you to be my partner for the next couple of months so that every day I know you're going to hold me to task and make sure that I'm being positive and make sure I'm doing the right things. And I was like, oh my, thank you for that honor of asking me. Like, people want to be a part of helping other people. So ask someone that you trust and let them give you that gift of holding you accountable to push yourself to achieve your goals. Take others off the pedestal. I received a message from a Harvard professor saying, hey, come teach at Harvard. I thought it was a total scam because I'm like, I couldn't get into Harvard. How would someone want me to be at Harvard? This is a joke. Major imposter syndrome. Here's what I learned. We want to live in a world we want to, we don't currently. We want to live in a world where everyone's equal, right? Where we're not judged for our color, our weight, our financial, socioeconomic class, our iq, you know, whatever. Our sexual preference, whatever. Everyone is created equal and should be treated as such. That's how I want my child to live. That's how I want to live. But I'm not allowing that to happen if I'm going to put certain people on pedestals. And the minute I decided to look at it that way, I'm part of the problem if I'm going to put Harvard on a pedestal, I'm part of the problem over here. Creating that some people are better than others. Take everybody off the pedestals. Level them out. I literally do it in my mind. I watch that professor step off that pedestal and then I asked him a question. I said, why would you want me to speak at Harvard? And he explained how he saw me. Well, you're a single mother. You approach sales as a woman, which is not something I have experience with. You've been in the business community recently? I have been teaching for 20 something years. I've been out of it. You understand social media. I don't understand that. Once he broke down for me, how he saw me, I was able to take his rose colored glasses on and put them on myself and say, my gosh, he needs me. This guy Harvard needs me, right? So I was able to see it completely different once I saw it from his perspective. So ask those other people, whoever it is that you have on a pedestal, take them off that pedestal, visibly see yourself do it. And then when they're asking you for help with something, ask them why you and start to put those rose colored glasses on when you're looking in the mirror and recognize that within yourself, if.

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Another great way to keep confidence and build confidence is to keep promises that you make to yourself. So like right now, in this weekend, you're investing in yourself, your time, your resources by being here. And that is a huge first step at showing how valuable and worthy you are. But the key really is about keeping that promise to yourself. When we're off today, this afternoon and like, how are you going to sit down and map out what are those next steps that you're taking? How are you implementing those? So keep those promises to yourself and know that every time that you do, that's a moment you're creating more confidence in yourself and creating more value for you and for your future. Okay, these are some great ways to frame up situations to help you with building confidence. Okay. When you're frustrated with someone with a situation, somebody's crossing your boundaries, you know, disrespecting you, not paying attention to you, a nice way to approach that situation is say, I'm confused. A client did this to me. Actually, this is interesting. This week I, as I mentioned, I've been hacked and I and so a number of my clients were redirected to a fraudulent account to send money for speaking engagement deposits. And so one of my clients sent me a note the other day and said, hey Heather, you know what's going on with ABC and D? And I said, still waiting to hear back from your accounting team. They need to reverse the funds to my account and then I'll get everything booked. Basically what I was saying is I'm not booking until I have the deposit. She came back to me and said, I'm confused. We have a signed contract. We received an email. It was handled very professionally and very well. Her point was she didn't like my answer and she didn't need to start a fight. Instead, she Approached by. I'm confused. She needed some clarity here. And that's a really powerful way that is not going to cause a fight with somebody else, but it's going to allow you to be heard clearly. Another thing is say, help me. Help me to understand. This is another great one. When you're in difficult conversations, Help me to understand. Help me to help you. Right Again, trying to make the point that we're at some point of impasse or some type of struggle. I think I might need some more information here. What did you mean by that? Tell me more Always. And this is sales 101. The goal is to get the other person to empty their glass to you. And you want. The more information you can get, the better because the more we're going to understand their pain points, their potential objections, what their positioning and situation is, how they're thinking. So tell me more is a great way to open that conversation up and understand them even better. Let me repeat back what I heard you say. So often we actually don't hear what somebody's saying. We hear what they think they're saying. Are we clear on this? That's something that I love to say in corporate America. That's not going to work for me. Right. That's just a very simple statement letting people know where we stand. Okay, so these are a couple of tools that have been super helpful for me. AI tools that I love. Grammarly is game changing. Basically. What's going to happen? I don't. It's very little money. If there is a paid version, I don't remember, but there is a free version as well. Essentially. Here's what it is. It's going to when you're typing, you put it as an overlay on your Chrome extension, on your computer. And then anytime you're typing, whether it be in a Word doc, in a comment on social media, or in an email, email's incredible. It's going to correct and offer you different ways to say things in a briefer fashion, more powerful, more confident.

Right.

It's going to cut out excess words and it's going to offer you other ways to write things. It is so helpful. It's so intuitive. It's so seamless. And the thing that I really love about it is once a week it's going to send you an overview and rate and rank how you're doing with your emails versus other Grammarly users. I'm competitive af, so just this piece alone I think is so exciting. Do you think I like this down arrow that my confidence was down this week. No, I'm like, heather, come on, get your confidence up, girl. What's. But I love to see those metrics, right? So it's super helpful and it just lets you know how people are perceiving you based upon how you're writing, which I find is an incredible tool. It's been really, really helpful for me. Again, this is just showing you more information. There's so. And there's. There are different paid versions, but check it out. It's going to help you a lot with what words you're using, word choices and being briefer and more powerful. All right, so things I know to be true. Oh, I love this. One, rejection is the ultimate redirection. And two, personal branding and social media. Social media gives you so much data, which data is power. It doesn't lie. It's so helpful. Anytime I post, rejection is redirection. Those posts go crazy. People love hearing it. Not only do they love hearing it because it's true, but it's empowering. Like, no matter where you are. And this is sales, too. If we're all in sales, which we are, we're all going to be rejected. The thing is, we don't know so often that rejection is allowing us to go down a different path, which is the ultimate redirection. I wouldn't be here with you today, right now, if I hadn't been fired, quote, unquote, rejected. Right. That rejection was the ultimate blessing in my life. Didn't know it at the time. Took like a year and a half for me to figure that out. But I will tell you this, that was the ultimate redirection. And when we aren't doing the things that we need to, aren't showing up in the way that we were meant to on this earth, I truly believe the universe, God, however you want to see it, is going to find ways to reject you, to steer you to where you are meant to be. And yes, it may seem weird that all doors are closed or, you know, all accounts are hacked or whatever is going on. And you know, that's crazy. It's all leading you somewhere. And we can't connect the dots looking forward, we can only connect them looking back. So you just have to have that faith that you're going to keep showing up as that best version of yourself and keep. Let the messages come. Like I always ask, please send me messages, let me know which door should be closed and which one should be open for me to show up as that best version of myself. And when you step into that unknown and have that faith, it's a lot easier to handle that rejection, which we're all dealing with. Okay. When you let go of what was, you open the door to what can be. This is so powerful and so true. If you're hanging on to something in your past, and I just heard a sermon at my church two weeks ago about this, when you're hanging on so much to something in the past so tightly, you're not able to see what lies ahead of you, even though you think you are, you can't. It's about letting go, acceptance. Even though it's hard, even though it's sad, like, even though it's scary. We can use the example of my termination, letting go of what was so that I could start stepping into what could be. That that gap took months for me. And the faster you can shorten that gap, you can start stepping into that possibility. And that's when you get true momentum and. And true excitement and confidence and great things start coming together. But you've got to let go first. So. So figure out what is that one thing that you're holding on to in your past that you need to let go of today and let go of it. All right? Another thing I know to be true. Never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you're going. Oh, my gosh. So good. I'll never forget, as I mentioned earlier, my family told me I couldn't write a book. And cut to. I've written two. Spoiler alert. I've written two. Okay, so. But the point is, didn't mean they had ill will for me. They just didn't think that was possible for me. That was based on their limiting beliefs. And another example of this in corporate America. I remember seeing an opportunity in the company I work for for a job that hadn't been created. And I remember saying, well, I'm going to go pitch them on this. And so many people said to me, are you crazy? If they had wanted to do that, they would have done it. Like, you're not. They're not going to say yes to you. And I remember thinking, well, maybe they say no to you, but they're not going to say no to me. I've got to try it. Like, maybe I have an angle that you haven't seen before. Right? It's. It's always going to be different through our lens, our experience, and the way we communicate. You've got to, like, double down and bet on you. Spoiler alert. They did create that job. Yes. But still, that was a company that Fired me. So way too much there. We'll get into into more about that tomorrow around sales, okay? The minute you realize your own value, others will finally realize your value as well. To that end, you know, so many people will be negotiating for an increase at work, but if you're not showing up as that confident version of yourself, which means you know what you're worth and you know that you deserve it, no one else is going to offer it to you either. And that means you've got to be willing to make those difficult decisions. And when you really own it and are ready to, that's when you'll get those offers. As we talked about, being a beginner is such a gift. You see it so differently than other people. Make it about helping others and your fear will dissipate. Own your mistakes. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everybody makes them every single day. And if you're not making mistakes, you're not growing. So that's really sad. Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself. This. I've been big into forgiveness in the last year and it's been super helpful. I forgave that lady that fired me. She didn't ask me to. We've never spoken, thankfully. I haven't seen her, haven't run into her, but I forgave her. But really for myself, because why was I carrying around? I remember I used to Google her all the time and I was pissed at her and I think like, she's a jerk, but that would just take my energy and power and give it to her. And I thought, well, that's not helpful. I'd rather give my energy and power to me and put focus on good things that I'm doing for today and tomorrow. So forgiving others is such a great gift that you give yourself. And this is a great prayer and there's a lot if you Google this, it's called the Ho' Oponopano prayer and it originated in Hawaii, I guess. And it's about self forgiveness for you, not about forgiving somebody else. It's about forgiving you. And they're what they did. And Sean, I don't know if you've seen this research, but they brought this prayer. Some doctor did. I don't know the particulars, but you'll find it on Google. This doctor brought this prayer to a prisoner and completely transformed the prison because all these prisoners weren't forgiving themselves. Right. Like they're beating themselves up. And so it's such. It's a super interesting case study in. In the power of self forgiveness. And it's a very simple prayer. This is the whole prayer right here. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. And the whole key is saying it seven times a day. And it's like, if you look at the research on this, it's really powerful. I've been doing it now for a year, and it's just like, it's a beautiful way to forgive yourself and move forward. And I just find it to be super positive.

I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what.

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Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen.

No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.