#363: Build Your Wealth, Boost Your Career, & Transform Your Life With A Healthy State of PANIC with Farnoosh Torabi Author, Podcast Host, & Financial Expert

Fear is a valid emotion. You know, we all feel all sorts of things all day long. Like if we were just supposed to be programmed for happiness, I'm not sure I want to live in that world. I mean, I just saw the Barbie movie. Even Barbie wants to be human. You know, like, that's the whole point, right? Like, we all of our feelings deserve space. And if you're feeling sad or angry or fear, then give it a minute. Like, what? Where did you come from? What do you want me to learn?

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet my guest this week. Farnoush Tarabi is one of America's leading personal finance experts. You know, I need that in my life. She's the host of the award winning podcast so Money that's earned over 30 million downloads. She's a sought after speaker and author of multiple books. Her newest is entitled A Healthy State of Panic. Part memoir, part guidebook on how fear can be a superpower to achieve true wealth and career success. Along with being featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, Farnouch has appeared frequently on Today Show, Good Morning America, and more. She's a graduate of the Pennsylvania State University with a degree in finance and international business and holds a master's degree from Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. Farnouche lives on the east coast with her husband and two children. Barnouche, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Heather, thank you so much. And you left out the most important part of my bio is that I'm from Worcester, which is also where you're from, which we just discovered eight seconds ago.

It's so crazy because it never happens. And for everyone listening, Worcester is not. Oh, actually, you brought this up. It's not the most desirable location that people are excited to share they grew up in.

Right?

Well, don't blame us. The New York Times did a whole cover story on Worcester years ago recently and called it nobody's first choice Choice.

I'm gonna dig this story up big time.

Yeah, I'll send you the link. It's a good one.

Well, luckily we're not just talking about Wister Day. However, the first chapter in your newest book actually does dive into Worcester. Why did you choose to do that?

Well, I mean, so many interesting stories. I grew up a terrified young girl and that's really what the book, that's where the book begins. It starts about, you know, my early years as a young girl growing up in Worcester to immigrant parents from Iran and being afraid of loneliness, of rejection, of accidentally ingesting cilantro because my parents cooked a lot of Iranian food and I don't like cilantro. And just like I was the poster kid for being afraid. And Worcester is the backdrop of all of this because Worcester Too in the 80s, remember, was the epitome of sort of like, you know, local crime scenes and five o' clock news. Back of milk cartons did not help with the PR campaign for Worcester. And so my parents, the reason we moved there was because it is also fun fact, Worcester, while it is the sort of like rough and tough city or was, it's also the destination for over, I think a dozen colleges and universities. And my dad, an immigrant from Iran, was there to study and get his PhD and my mom and I were sort of like along for the ride. And my mom is 19, she doesn't speak English, I'm born and she doesn't have a license and so she's afraid. And so then she makes me afraid to sort of keep me on the straight and narrow. And you know, it led to some comedy as a kid. But what I recognized in myself as I was working on this book is that fear never quite left me. And I think that's universal. I think we're all very familiar with fear. The campaign against fear, however, in our culture is very, very strong. We are told that we must be fearless in order to be successful. And, and I don't have to tell you, there's lots and lots of books on this. There's lots and lots of studies on this. Academics want us to be rid of this treacherous emotion. Just smile more, they tell us, you know, and we'll just magically the fear will evaporate. I've never been able to do that. And in fact I have learned that when I impatient with fear, when I recognize that my fears are personal and they show up for a reason, to remind me of what I want to protect, that's when the good stuff happens. That's when I actually turn inward and be reminded of my values and make hard decisions at life's crossroads, with money, in my career, in my relationships, and that's what I want to teach everybody, is that fear is universal. There is nothing wrong with being afraid. And when you are afraid, it is an opportunity to get to know yourself a lot more. From what better place is There to then go and make a high stakes decision and I'm just excited. And Worcester, yeah, it's just one of those places where I love that I had the chance to be in Worcester because you know what else Worcester taught me is that it's okay to be different. Everybody was different in Worcester. I went to public school and it was like the UN I mean every little kid from all walks of life there. I credit so much of my empathy that I have today to growing up in a city that was so disparate economically, socially, all of it and just had that diversity. It's something that I hope to give my kids. Like we're not going to go back to Worcester and we're not living in Worcester but you know, we've chosen our suburb because of the diversity, because I think that that is the best education in some ways.

I am raising my son in Miami, Florida as you know, and it that diversity and exposure to different backgrounds and cultures and ethnicities is incredible and priceless. I did not feel like Wooster offered that diverse of a backdrop, but it definitely fear for me. It's so interesting. You know, so much about your book is around reframing fear. My second book is a very similar topic and so much of that is rooted in our upbringing. And yeah, I was petrified growing up as well. And for anyone who hasn't been to Worcester, you will understand once you can jump into that city and see what it would be like being a young kid there. At what age did you start learning to reframe this, to harness fear to something positive?

I was in my mid to late 20s after Worcester, you know, I go on to go to college, Penn State again. A place where on the one hand so vast and everyone can sort of hopefully find their way. But it was, I'm not a football fan. I didn't want to join the Greek life. I felt like I made a mistake, you know, and I was thinking about trans transferring and I felt lonely. At Penn State I felt a lot of, you know, sometimes rejection, which I think is normal again too. Like who doesn't have those kind of awkward first year, two years of college. But then I started to work in the media and that's when I really started to go hand in hand with fear. Because what's scarier than the cutthroat media world in New York where I was told I had to change my name, I was told to drop weight, I was told a lot of bad things about really just making myself feel smaller and worse, right? And trying to compete against a lot of competition in New York. And through that experience, I ultimately realized that my mistake was what? Whenever fear was showing up at work or everywhere else, it was. My impulse was to try to fight it. My impulse was to try to say that this is weakness. Like, I should really try to, you know, put on a happier face and be courageous and just be grateful for everything I have. Why am I afraid? And nothing against gratitude practices nothing against happiness, but fear also deserves a place and a space. You know, fear, like all of our emotions, has validity. It is running through us in rich abundance. Like, really, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for fear. And of course, not all fears are rational. But when you are fearing things like. And I talk about it in the book, I go through nine visions, visceral fears, like the fear of loneliness, the fear of rejection, FOMO all the way to, like, the fear of money, and the fear of uncertainty and failure. These are really like the big kahunas of fear. And we all feel them, and they all usually have important wisdom to extract that they want to teach us something. And I realized that when I fought fear, that's when I ran into dead ends. That's when I lost myself. I mean, I was live on the Today show for the first time in 2008, introduced producing my first book, you're so Money. And on the one hand, what a privilege, right? I was, like, young, and this national broadcast was taking a chance on me, and I was so excited. But I also terrified. I thought my job was to show up and try to be like everybody else. I thought that my fear was telling me to just assimilate and remember how to talk like all the others and dress like the others. And what happened was I went on the show and tried to put on a front and I said some pretty stupid things while live on the air and course corrected, thankfully. But in that moment, I got so scared. So scared of rejection, specifically. Like, I was going to walk off that set and I was going to be laughed out of my industry. And in that moment, I was so scared. And that adrenaline of that fear, I could hear the voice almost. It was like Farnoosh. Just stick your landing. Okay, you've got three minutes left. What's done is done. But if you're afraid of rejection, pull another tool out of your arsenal. The only tool left, which is being yourself. And I was. I remember slowing down, finally listening to the questions and remembering that I deserve to be there and that I had important things to say. And I'd written This book. And you know, like, I, I was, it was almost like I was self sabotaging myself when I was trying to fight the fear. It was only when I recognized that the fear's not going away. I still got to finish this segment. And all I got left is myself and what I know and who I am. So let's go with that. And, you know, looking back on that live moment, I can't say that in the moment I had the smarts and the wisdom to know, to listen to fear. But I did it. You know, sometimes, like I, I then later, knowing that, you know, this worked, I remember, you know, another time in my career when I was applying to write for Oprah Magazine and I was invited in to be a contestant, an applicant for the financial column of the month. And I met with Gayle King and Lucy Kalin and like a team of editors. I mean, I was like, heart palpitating. And I knew that I had a lot of competition. There were like 11 financial experts who were vying for this monthly column spot. And I went in there and again, fearing things like rejection and who am I? And imposter syndrome, the first question they asked me was, why should we hire you? How do you stand out amongst the sea of financial experts? And because I initially was trying to fight the fear, I ended up talking up the other people. I was like, well, I'm not as, I'm not as much of an expert as so and so. And I don't have a CFP like so and so. I don't have millions of followers like the other person. And I could just see the faces of around the table, like, why is she not answering the question? And I saw Lucy, who was the then editor and chief, kind of like slump in her chair. And that's when the fear fired up in me and was like, again, far new. But I recognized it this time. I was older, I was more mature. I had seen how fear could be my friend. And I realized, oh, my God, I'm doing this again. You know, like, it's only been out of body experience. And I was like, okay, stick your landing.

I.

And how you're going to do that is you're going to remind these people why they brought you in here in the first place. Like, this is supposed to be a soft interview. Like you've gotten so far. This isn't about proving yourself. It's about just telling them who you are again. And so we were talking about the podcast, my podcast, so Money, which was a differentiator for me, not everybody Else had a podcast and furthermore a podcast that was daily that gave me a window into everybody's financial questions and concerns, which, PS is ripe for content for a column. So we ended up talking for about an hour and a half, got the job, ended up working for Oprah for a couple years. And that was a moment where I consciously started to use fear more constructively, to be able to figure out how to perform in the moment and get what was important to me and so many other times in my life, in my personal life, with respect to my partnership, in my marriage, being a mom, I'm terrified all the time. And sometimes failure is the point. Like, you know, sometimes I feel like when fear shows up, you just gotta like, let it run its course and just sit back and have a cocktail because there's really nothing else to do. But yeah, I think it was in my mid to late twenties when I started to go, oh, okay, I'm afraid. Here we go. But it's important to breathe through the resistance. My trainer always says when there is resistance, you don't fight it, you breathe through it. And fear is like any other form of resistance when it shows up. Maybe our inclination is not to give it a hug, but I think that this book is really trying to remind us that we have a choice. When fear shows up, we can choose to fight it or we can choose to stare it in the face and go, what do you want me to protect? Why are you here? And sometimes you want to ask it, who brought you here? Because sometimes we inherit fears, which we can get into, but it's worth the exploration.

If you're like me, you're always looking for ways to feel stronger in your workouts, recover faster from working out, have more energy during your day, and preserve your health, mobility and strength as we get older. And Mitopure timeline is giving me that life and it's happening right now and I want it to happen for you too. This supplement really can help you because it supports your health at the foundation by encouraging cellular renewal. Mitopure is a precise dose of the rare postbiotic Urolithin A. It works by promoting an essential cellular cleanup process that clears out dysfunctional mitochondria, AKA your cell's battery packs. Mitopure is the only Urolithin a supplement on the market clinically proven to target the effects of age related cellular decline. Hello. With regular use, you are gonna see and feel the difference in the form of improved energy levels, better workouts, faster recovery, more endurance, all of which are helping you achieve your new year's goals and making you Feel your best. P.S. might appear shown to deliver dou increases in muscle strength endurance without a change in exercise. For the win. Cellular Health is a foundation of well being and longevity. Mitopure recharges your cells supporting any goals by helping all of your system work better. I'm excited to share that you can now get 20 off your first timeline purchase. There's never been a better time to experience the benefits of Mitopure. Use my code CONFIDENCE at checkout. To receive 20% off today, go to timeline.com confidence that's T I M E L I N E.com confidence as the air turns crisp and the holidays draw near, comfort becomes the best gift of all. Quince delivers layers that last. Sweaters, outerwear and everyday essentials that feel luxurious, look timeless and make holiday dressing and gifting effortless. Quince has it all. 50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters made for everyday wear. Denim that never goes out of style, silk tops and skirts that add polish and outerwear. Built to take on the season. Perfect for gifting or upgrading your own wardrobe. Honestly, Quinn's Italian wool coats are at the top of my list. The cuts feel designer and the quality rivals high end brands, but without the high end markup. By working directly with ethical top tier factories, Quint skips the middleman and offers prices 50% less than similar brands. I mean if you want to look like you are wearing the highest end clothing out there with out those huge price tags, Quint is the answer. Literally there's something for every single person on your list. The Mongolian cashmere sweater is the softest sweater I have and it is my go to every day. If you want to elevate your look without paying more, Quint is the answer. Step into the holiday season with layers made to feel good, look polished and last from Quint. Perfect for gifting or keeping for yourself. Go to quint.com confidence for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I-N-C-E.com confidence to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com confidence oh it definitely is and.

You just reminded me. Just a couple of days ago my son got his license. I happen to be on our bright line down in South Florida. I was giving a it a speech over two hours away so I was a train ride away from coming home and I get a phone call from him on the train at 9 o' clock at night. We live in Miami. He's by himself. And he says, I just hit somebody. And immediately your mind goes to fear and how I physically can't be there to help this person who's 100% dependent on me. What can I do? Which I said, I'm going to call you right back. And I immediately called my building and found an individual, an adult that I knew I could trust, that I could say, jump in. Right now. I'm nowhere near the house. Someone has to go help my child. And I trust this person. This person went, which was great. But the funny thing is, of course, that whole train ride, I could do nothing right. I just had to trust that I tapped the right person and it was going to work out. And when I got home, it was actually funny. I was so grateful to this person that helped my child. My son was so grateful. So that was all positive. However, I walked in, I said, honey, I can't believe this happened. Day one of you getting your license. And he was so funny. He says, mom, it was all for the best. Now I got it out of the way. I'm not worried about getting in an accident. It already happened to me on the first day. And I actually feel really confident about my driving moving forward. So who would have known that that was going to come out of this complete fear debacle? But it ended up somehow being a win. And the reality is I had no control over it. It was really up to how my son chose to see it.

Yes, I love the perspective that he took. And I think he might be afraid every time. Now he gets back in the car, which is a healthy fear. My husband always reminds us when we get in the car, he's like, driving is the most dangerous thing. More dangerous than flying, more dangerous than riding your bike. Like, it's the most dangerous thing you'll probably do all day. So take it really seriously. Put your phone down, quiet. Put some classical music on, like, seat belts, like, go. But be scared while doing it, because it probably will help. But I also want to say, Heather, to give you more credit, like, yes, you were two hours away, but in that moment of fear, which I would identify more crystally as the fear of uncertainty, like, there were a lot of fears, right? The fear for your son, the fear for the unknown. There was a lot that you couldn't control in the moment, which I define as uncertainty, right? You can't control. You can't make things certain for him. But the fear was a catalyst for you to go and do the right thing. Like, you took a minute, a second, a Beat to go, okay, who can help my son if not me? Who else? And so you dialed someone immediately got like fear was with you that entire time and I would argue helped you immediately identify what you wanted to protect, which was your son. And you got really resourceful because when the fear of uncertainty shows up, what is it? Actually it's a push to get us to feel more in control of a situation as best we can with the resources that we have. You couldn't just like throw money at that situation. You couldn't beam yourself to go see your son. You didn't have a space flying contraption to take you into the future to take you there, but you had your phone and you had that mom instinct of who you could trust and you did it and you did it perfectly. So fear, that was Heather's healthy state of panic moment.

Well, you know what's funny to that and I'm interested to hear what your opinion is on this. But for certain people I believe are action takers, other people, you know, more processed things, I happen to be an action taker. So that's always my first move is what action step can I take right now to, you know, cut this fear off, off. However, you're right. When this was applied to fear around my son, I was able to, you know, take the appropriate steps. However, when it's fear of uncertainty, because we're on that fear right now in my business, in my life and my finances, holy. That is debilitating to me. I start spiraling and I know because it goes back to, you know, subconscious issues that I have from my childhood, how I grew up, which was this was always the worst financial issues where there was no control, total uncertainty, major, major fear around it. So as a grown 49 year old woman who's been able to create success in her life, I go backwards in a non healthy way to a really negative spiral. And I've been trying to retraining. I say trying because I'm not nailing it by any stretch of the imagination. And even this week I'm dealing with something very uncertain that I worked super hard for and it's not panning out or it hasn't panned out yet the way that I had anticipated or thought it would. And to get my brain to stop obsessing over, it's not going to go well. Going to the negative, going to, okay then I'm afraid right now I've got to go to worst case scenario. This is not happening. I just wasted money, I wasted time. And it's really Hard trying to get myself to a place of peace and surrender with, you know what, whatever it's going to be is going to be great. And I just can't connect those dots yet. But I will tell you, it has been hard. What advice can you give people who are in that mess right now?

Well, so many different kinds of fear I'm hearing from all that you're describing. One that quickly comes to mind is the fear of failure. So with your event, like there's a fear that it's not going to, to use your words, go the way that you want it and it's not going to pan out. And so sometimes when the fear of failure specifically shows up, what it is sometimes trying us to recalculate is our definition of success. Because sometimes you are, are putting on this pedestal this definition of success that deserves probing. Like why, why is that the measure of success? Because success. Not to say that success should come easy, but success shouldn't deplete us either. The pursuit of a success shouldn't deplete us either. Or make a spiral, right? Success for me is when I'm doing something that feels completely aligned with who I am. And yes, there's roi and yes it sparks joy and yes there's demand and, but also that there is sustain. Like it's something that I can like anchor my career to. That's to me like ultimate success. So when I pursue things, I have to get very clear beforehand on what is the definition of success for me, what is the outcome that would make me really fulfilled. And sometimes to manage that fear of uncertainty because maybe that doesn't happen, what's the next best thing that could come out of this? Or what's a way to leverage this, even if it is a failure to leverage the failure into something else. And sometimes it's about recognizing that when we pursue things, it's not even about the end goal half the time, it's about along the journey, who are you going to meet, what are the lessons you're going to learn, what is the exposure you're going to get. All of those are opportunities to experience and leverage for later. So it requires a reframe and it requires a heightened consciousness when you're pursuing any goal to not be so laser focused on the outcome sometimes, but also the journey and to be, be grateful for everyone you're meeting and the lessons they're teaching you and what you're learning about yourself. Because I will say that in my 20 plus year career, not everything's been a success as maybe some would define. It's not been a straightforward success. I've had TV shows that have failed, quote, unquote, failed, meaning they didn't get renewed. I've had jobs where I've gotten laid off. I mean, what could be more of the definition of failure there? Like, we don't want you anymore.

Bye.

And yet I'm still here. And yet I feel successful. It's because all of those moments, maybe in the moment don't feel like they're going to turn into something greater, but it does. But it takes me wanting it. It takes me going back and going, okay, what was that all for? What was the lesson that couldn't have all been for nothing, right? How can I parlay that into something new? Where does this leave me? Like, if this was an ending of a job, of an opportunity, what door is now open because this is gone. A door that wouldn't have been opened had that persisted and continued that I want to pursue. Like, when my show on CNBC ended after one season, it was gutting. It was devastating, because in some regards, you're like, will I ever achieve television greatness like this again? Like, I had a fear of that ending and this chapter nine in the book, like, fear of endings come in all shapes and sizes. Fears of jobs ending, fear of relationships ending, fear of your life ending, ending quite literally. So what is that fear trying to sometimes educate us on? And for me, when that show ended, I realized, well, I can't do anything about it. Like, I can't go beg the network to put it back on the air. That's not going to happen. But is there something in my life that I can fill this hole with that I can do that I can be proactive about? And it doesn't even have anything to do with television or my career, in fact, but it's about growing my family. Because, to be honest with you, Heather, like, doing a television show that Requires travel and 15 hours a day of shooting and being on airplanes, not conducive for baby making or baby raising. So I recognize that when the show ended, it was maybe the universe being like, now's your chance to go do that thing. And that's, of course, there's a lot of uncertainty with trying to have children, But I'm going to give it my best shot with confidence and clarity now, because this is gone. And I was like, like, in hindsight, like, so thankful when that show did end because we did have our daughter the next year. And I mean, what's more important than that? So, you know, it Takes life experience to be able to speak with this sort of. With what? Everything I'm sharing right now. And I realize that, like when you're 20, you don't have all the answers, but trust me, I've been there, I've gone through it, I continue to go through it. And just having more of an appreciation for the process and trusting that you do your best, you absolutely are accountable. And yet, of course, life happens. But trust that whatever's on the other side is still good. If you still have your resources, you still have your ambition, you still have your dedication to success, to your definition of success, then things will work out. Things never work out the way we want. Never ever. Like, what, are you kidding? I mean, show me someone who says my life has turned out perfectly. I'm not sure I want to be friends with this person, you know, because I don't know if this person's to be trusted.

Yeah, they're not honest. That's exactly.

They're not being honest, you know, and this is not me being woo woo or spiritual. It's just being like, look, at the end of the day, if something doesn't pan out the way you thought, what are you left with? And that's not a rhetorical question. You are still left with a lot, right? You got this far. That took something. So what are all those some things, right? Your ambition, your determination, your Rolodex, your. Your ability to strategize. Everything that got you here can take you somewhere else. And so now your job is just to keep that momentum going.

Oh my gosh, it's so true. And all while you're talking, I'm thinking about when I got fired and how I truly thought it was my life was over, that I had lost everything. I really cried. I've lost everything. No one understands what this is like, like. And little did I know it ended up being the biggest gift to my adult life. I mean, to truly start stepping into what I was supposed to be doing. A purpose driven life, a passion driven life, doing work that I felt excited about every single day that I know is the path I'm meant to be on. And I wasn't on that right path. And I somehow in a big way had to be redirected to it, even though it was very hard and trying to go through. To your point, I've learned, and I do feel it as woo woo though in my opinion. And I do have to trust now. There's something greater out there than me that is showing me and guiding me and helping me get there, even when I don't want to go. But then I also challenge anyone listening. Think about past relationships. You didn't want those to end either. And then you end up in such a better situation after. You know, just because we're in a routine or we're in a rut or we're settling, or we think that, you know, this is the only opportunity or option ahead of us, it's so helpful to go through these big fears moments and these big life changes because it does give you such a better perspective. And now I'm constantly challenging myself to use that same rationale against whatever challenge I'm currently facing, to say, I just don't know what that next thing is yet. I gotta let go and. And I've gotta surrender to this. I don't need to obsess about it. I don't need to do anything else. I can just get back to work and, you know, focus on these other great things I have in my life and see how all these dots ultimately connect.

You bring up a great point about, like, relationships. I talk about that a lot in the book, too. It's not just a money book, you know, if you're looking for, like, how to out of debt, like, this is not the book. And people have been reviewing the book, being like, I was looking for, like, you know, five ways to, like, invest. I'm like, then I'm sorry. Like, I have a whole bunch of books I can recommend. But this is not it. This is about how fear can help guide you through your financial life as well as your career and your relationships. Because everything's connected. When we're talking about money, we're talking about life. And with regards to relationships, I think breaking up, the ending there, that fear is so hard because, well, we in our minds create a vision for the life that we're in, right? We think that, okay, from the outside, well, I want to be in a committed relationship, and this is what this relationship has represented to me and others. Others being like your family, your culture, your friends. Like, it feels as though you're going to lose the sense of your identity and living up to that ideal. But when you really think about it, if you are unhappy in your relationship, that's what's real. That is the truth. And breaking up is like. And you're worried about giving up on this ideal of, like, the happy relationship, but that was never true. So you're giving up on something that actually is a fallacy that never actually happened. Maybe it happened in the beginning, but it didn't sustain. And so don't feel bad about that. It's like anything else, anything else that we kind of concoct in our brains. We create this, like, ideal, this vision. And. And I have a story in there about a mom whose daughter came to her in her teens and said, I want to transition to being a male. Like, I'm a boy. And her mother was really, really sad about it because in her mind, she always wanted to be the mother to a daughter and had all these visions of, like, her wedding day and everything. But then she realized that, like, that was all a dream. And what is real is that her son now is standing before her telling her exactly who he is and that she hasn't lost a child. The child is still there. Nothing has changed except for the fact that her child is happier now, having landed on their true identity. And so giving up on that vision was so much easier when she was able to actually focus on what is true and real and today. And that is sometimes what the fear of an ending is nudging us towards. It's like, get out of this sort of, like, vision, this ideal that you've created for yourself, which isn't even real, right? It's not like a bad thing necessarily. It just hasn't actually happened. And so why are we overwhelmed by that? Why are we allowing it to stop us in our tracks? You know, it's not like at the house that you live in that's burnt down. You know, it's like this thing in your head that, like, okay, maybe you wanted that to be true. It didn't happen. But what is true? What is good and what is real in your life? Life. And so again, the fear of endings, it shows up in a lot of different places and corners in our life, but so much wisdom to extract from it.

It's that time of year again. Everyone knows that the holidays can become overwhelming quickly. So the sooner that you get things done, the better. For both shoppers and businesses. The best time to score great deals during the holidays is Black Friday Cyber Monday weekend. Whether you're an established business or someone who is going to experience their first Black Friday Cyber Monday this year, you that the most important thing you need is a platform that can handle everything that's about to be thrown at you. You don't want to find out that your inventory is off as orders keep coming in, or that your point of sale system cannot keep up with the requests many from new customers who are buying your products for the first time. You need to make sure that your tools and platform are ready for anything that comes your way during the busiest weekend of the year and that's why you need Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce us. From household names to entrepreneurs who will be participating in their first Black Friday Cyber Monday this year, including your girl right here. With creating confidence in everything that we put through Shopify, the one platform that manages it all, you don't have time to spend hours pouring over every little detail. Me neither. Shopify has thousands of templates and tools to help streamline website creation, making sure that your site isn't just aesthetically pleasing, pleasing but functional at the same time. Accelerate your content creation. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product description pages, headlines and even enhance your product photography to help increase your reach during the busiest time of year. You can also stress less knowing that Shopify's award winning customer support teams on standby 247 to help with any issues that arise, allowing you to get back to business as fast as as possible this Black Friday. Join the thousands of new entrepreneurs hearing for the first time with Shopify. Sign up for your free trial today@shopify.com monahan that's shopify.commonahan go to shopify.com monahan and make this black Friday one to remember when you want more Start your business with Northwest Registered Agents Agent and.

Get access to thousands of free guides.

Tools and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business all in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They are the largest registered agent and LLC service in the U s with over 1500 corporate guides. Real people who know your local laws and can help you in your business business every step of the way. Build your business identity fast with Northwest Registered Agent and get access to thousands of free resources, forms and step by step guides without even creating an account. Sign up for a free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer, drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale and more. All at no cost. Northwest is your one stop business resource. Learn how to build a professional website, what annual filings your business needs to stay in good standing and simple explanations of complicated business laws. Don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business Identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit www.northwestregisteredagent.com confidence free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest registered agent@www.northwestregisteredagent.com. confidence free.

Oh, you need to show up with some exercises on that topic because I can tell you right now, people will be loving diving into that work. All right, I have a big question for you yet again. Personally, you mentioned that you see a connection with, with fear around relationship, money, work, all these things. How do you see that all connected? I don't understand that.

Well, I've been working in personal finance for over 20 years. People have come to me with all sorts of money questions. And the truth is, when we're talking about money, we are inevitably talking about so much else. Money is the backbone of our ability to afford decisions in our lives. Decisions. Questions regarding relationships, buying a house, well, that's where you're gonna live and raise your family, affording a career, which then, you know, we're talking about your profession. And also when we're talking about money, we're talking about our histories, how we grew up thinking about money and relating to money, which then takes us back to childhood and our relationship with our parents and our caregivers. And so money is often the window. That conversation gives us a gateway into talking about so many other things. And this is why I love money. Not because I love money, but because no one likes to talk about money. But when you do get into things like relationships and work, people are interested in that. And it's a kind of a back doorway of getting into money, you know, because when you're talking about these other things, like money inevitably will show up. And so that's what I mean by money is kind of the nucleus of so many other topics in our lives that sometimes we care more deeply about. And, and what I would prefer is that everybody cares about money all the time, sees its value, sees that it's important to be literate and fluent in money. And if we can't get there directly, we can get there indirectly by talking about relationships and career and our mindset and all of that other stuff. Because inevitably we will get back to money.

I know that you talk about. You go through all these different nine fears, and one of them, you talk about getting yourself to the true money story.

Story.

What does that mean? And can you talk that a little bit?

Yes. Chapter six is called the Fear of Money. It's central to the book, just like I talked about. Although I talk about the fear of money throughout the book, there's one dedicated chapter, and it's in the middle because I kind of feel like it's a build up, you know, we talk about loneliness and rejection and FOMO first and exposure and all these other fears which I think show up in the fear of money as well. Sometimes our fear piggyback on one another, sometimes they lock hands and so they don't work in silos. But the fear of money, when you experience that, and let me just be more specific, because fear of money is just a very abstract thing, very concretely, things that people are really afraid about in their financial lives. Going broke, right? Never getting out of debt, the cycle of debt. Because maybe they grew up with parents who didn't manage money well or witnessed a parent go through bankruptcy. This is just going to be a part of my life. I'll never get over it. It fear of asking for more money. This shows up so much in my own life and others like, because we often associate what we make with our value as individuals. And so detaching those two things can be really, really hard and scary. The fear of scarcity, of never having enough. People I've met who are millionaires, right? You know them, we all know them. Doesn't matter how much you make, sometimes it's that feeling of never actually feeling secure, which is not a money issue. It's an emotional issue and a psychological issue. So wherever you are in your financial fears, the first question I always want people to ask that fear is how did you arrive in my life? Like, really, you know, like, why do I feel you? And what I'm asking you ultimately to do is to go on a little bit of a journey, like identifying who taught you the fear, where you first witnessed it, it. And at what point did you decide to inherit it? Because money, I should say, is not something that we grow up knowing anything about. It's not like anyone is predispositioned to having more of a money mind than somebody else. Like, I'm sorry, no, because money, you know, you can be a great mathematical mind, you can still be terrible with money. So it's really just about your life experiences that inform your ability to have a relationship with money that is either healthy or not. That's it. And that being said, you can change that. You can evolve, you can learn, you can grow. But often when we are adults and we are choosing to hold on to certain financial fears, it's because it's from a past life and our job is to follow that fear. What you may discover is that the fear is not actually a fear, it's a fallacy. And yet you've allowed it to become a truth in your life. And, and you may Recognize also through this unpacking that you've surrounded yourself with people and value systems that don't align with who you are and where you want to go. And so quite an awakening. Again, like, when we explore money stuff, we explore so much about our lives and the truths. And so when you go through this unpacking of a money story because the fear asked you to do it, or you recognize the fear and said, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is like what Farnoosh wants me to do. So you hopefully will get to a place where you're like, okay, I get it now. So now what? So now your job as an adult with agency who has hopes and dreams for herself is to rewrite it. You know, I personally thought that making more money would come at a huge cost to me. That was my fear in my 30s. I thought that if I tried to earn over seven figures, I was making mid six, that it was going to come at, at a huge cost of my time, of my relationships with my kids, with my partner, that I was going to be labeled a money hungry woman who had her values effed up. Like, I really thought these things. Despite the fact that I was a financial expert, an advocate for women and financial independence, the breadwinner, My marriage, I'd gotten pretty far, but there were like, I had even my own limits. I remember I was talking to a financial coach one day. Forward work, because I didn't think I needed one. You know, we got to talking and I was like, I think, you know, I think I'm financially fine. Like, I don't think I'm gonna push it. I think I'm good. You know, these seven figure entrepreneurs, that's great for them. But we're good because I felt like I was making the bills. We had money left over. Like, why? Why would I want to make more money? Gosh, at this point, I'm just being greedy. Well, she said to me, what is it about making more that bothers you actually? Like, don't you want to be, be more powerful? And I said, no. Ew, Power. I don't want power. Like, again, I felt like she was like reminding me why I didn't want money. Because. And she goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why is power such a triggering word for you? And I said, well, because power just means, like, I don't want to. Like, I don't have anyone. I want to dominate. I don't want to be someone who's controlling. Like, I don't want more money to be that person. And she Goes, news flash. Having more power is multifaceted. And it doesn't just mean control. It doesn't just mean the God I in the high tower, you know, with the billions, you know, dominating it doesn't mean, you know, tyrants. It's also the power to uplift, the power to heal, the power to support. Right? And if you are somebody who's still in your life, in your young life, wants to make an impact, wants to help her community, wants to live a quality life and leave a financial legacy for her children, then I'm going to tell you that you're selling yourself short with this narrative give. And it was such a great kick in the pants, Heather, because I, again, I, like, recognize this fear. And I did the question, I said, well, where did this come from? And it turns out it came from a lot of grooming, a lot of childhood grooming around money being this thing that if you had a lot of it, you were necessarily not a great person, that you maybe had your values messed up. I saw men, men in our culture, our Iranian culture, who guarded all the money, who didn't share it with their families, who didn't invite their wives into the financial planning, women who were told to be ambitious, but then when they did reach success, were like, not married. Seems lonely, you know? And so I just thought that it was gonna, for me, come at a great cost. Not true, right? I had this conversation with the money coach. She said, there is another way. But you know what? Truthfully, I did want to protect my time. I did want to protect my relationships. I was afraid of sacrificing that. Sometimes making more money does come at that expense. That's not untrue. So I said to myself, my job is to figure out a way to make more money, but recognize that fear in me that wants to protect my time and wants to protect my relationships. Is there a way, is there a Venn diagram where that overlap is where I need to go and make the money? And that existed first thing I did, just raise my prices. Yeah, everyone can do this. It takes no time just deciding I was selling myself short, you know, and I was earning less for it. And I just started to ask for more and I got more. So that's one thing. I invested in an assistant, which I recognize not everybody can do. But I was being really tight with my money, and I realized that if I just invested in some important help, then that would free up my time to focus on the bigger wins, the relationship building, the program development that would then make me cross the seven Figure threshold eventually within a year or two. So I was even me somebody who had written financial books, a financial expert who had a fear of money, who asked it where it came from, discovered it, realized that's not the narrative she wants to hold on to. Still though, respecting the fear, fear of losing time and losing relationships to go still do the thing. But with my own blueprint that's so.

Powerful and so good. And I appreciate that you sharing that even as a financial expert, you're faced with this and as you're explaining so much of it is just culturally how we are specifically with women. We hear this rhetoric that, you know, you don't want to be the most powerful, you know, to get to the highest levels you need to be. But there is that juxtapose. And I appreciate that financial coach that shared with you that that just simply wasn't true. And that was very, very helpful. Having met with so many people, having these discussions that people are struggling with different issues around fear, what's another popular takeaway that you feel like can serve a large audience?

Wow. Well, I just want to reiterate that I think fear needs a rebrand in our culture. And if you grew up or are being told currently that fearlessness is the way, I hope that, that you can come to a place and come to a terms with the fact that fear is a valid emotion. You know, we all feel all sorts of things all day long. Like if we were just supposed to be programmed for happiness, I'm not sure I want to live in that world. I mean, I just saw the Barbie movie. Even Barbie wants to be human. You know, like, that's the whole point, right? Like, we, all of our feelings deserve space. And if you're feeling sad or angry or fear, then give it a minute. Like, what. Where did you come from? What do you want me to learn? A study just came out this year saying that those of us who recognize these quote unquote bad emotions like fear, sadness, anger, as just like neutral emotions, or even perhaps emotions that can be helpful to us are happier than those of us who try to resist these feelings, you know. And again, as a woman in her 40s who has lived through this, I know firsthand that when you, you try to fight fear, it just gets bigger. Anything you try to fight in your life that has arrived with something important to tell you, like, won't go away. It's like a very persistent salesperson, right? Like they just, they're really persistent. And I just feel like fear is better than a salesperson. Like, it's a friend who really, really wants to get into your kitchen to tell you something really important about yourself that you may have forgotten, that you may have overlooked, that you're not giving enough credit to, to to say this is what you need to remember and hold on to as you're walking into this next pivotal moment in your life. It may not still work out, but on the other side, you did this with integrity. You did this with complete self alignment and you can be proud of it.

That's so powerful. Where can everybody find your new book? Where can everybody find you?

Well, you can go to A healthy state of panic.com to learn more about how to get the book. If you're listening to this and it's before October 3rd, which is when the book comes out, you will get exclusive bonuses on that page, which includes access to my course, the Intro to the Book, a workbook, and I am three days a week hosting the so Money podcast. So I would love for you to join. I'd love to have you, Heather, on the so Money podcast. I think we'd have a lot more to talk about.

About.

Let's do it. Farnooche, thank you so much for the work that you continue to do. And thank you for putting yourself out there, moving through the fear, making it work for you. Where can everybody find you?

Instagram. I'm very much having fun on Instagram at Farnoosh, Torabi, TikTok. Maybe someday, I don't know, I'm like still learning. But Instagram is where it's happening for me.

Well, it's a healthy state of panic. Get the book, guys. Start dealing with these fears and putting them to work for you. Farnish, thank you so much. Much.

Thank you, Heather.

Until next week, guys. Keep creating your confidence. Go to the show notes. Check out the book of all your links below. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.