#369: Dare To Be SEEN: The Ultimate Guide To Building Confidence & Creating Your Life with Jen Gottlieb Entrepreneur, International Speaker, Podcast Host, & Co-founder of Super Connector Media

That's why a lot of people don't accomplish their dreams, because they're afraid of rejection, they're afraid of judgment, they're afraid of success, whatever it is that they're afraid of. But once you start doing and realizing, oh, every time I do something happens, whether it's not the outcome that I want or it's the outcome that I want, I get a little bit more confident in my capabilities to be able to take action even when I'm afraid. So the more that you do, the more that you will do regardless of the outcome. The hardest part is to get yourself to take that first step.

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow.

I'm ready for my close up.

Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you. To meet our guest this week we've got Jen Gottlieb, powerhouse entrepreneur, international speaker, host of the Dare you podcast, author of Be Seen and co founder of Super Connector Media, an award winning training events and online educational company. With a successful five year stint as a VH1 host and career as a Broadway actress, Jen has been making waves in the entrepreneurial world by teaching business owners how to build profitable brands and become the recognized expert in their field. Who doesn't want that? As a sought after speaker, Jen has shared the stage with Tony top thought leaders and celebrities including Gary Vee, Marie Forleo, Eric Thomas, Snoop Dogg, and of course his wing girl, Martha Stewart. Her work has been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Maxim, Goop, Women's Health, the Girls Everywhere. Jen's company, Super Connector Media, was recently listed on the Inc. 5000 list of fastest growing private companies in America, which is huge. And Jen herself was named one of the top 50 speakers in the world by Real Leaders magazine. Despite her many accolades, Jen remains a true New Yorker at heart and shares her Manhattan home with her husband Chris and their three adorable dogs. Jen, thanks so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited just to have a fun conversation with you.

I'm so excited too. Okay, so I love getting into the backstory. First of all, you have such an interesting background. I mean, it's not the typical background, right? Like, can you get us into what it was like growing up for you? Like, when did you want to become an actress? How did that even seem like a reasonable goal? Like, how did that all come to fruition?

I literally think I came out of the womb singing and dancing Like, I was one of those kids that I started talking insanely early, like, before most children start talking. So my family, of course, thought I was a genius. And they had all these tests done, and they were like, she's gotta have a really high iq. She's a special child. No, I was not a genius. I was not a special child. I was just really loud. And I really liked to be seen, and I like to perform. And so I was singing and dancing since I could walk and talk. And I knew. You have those moments when you're a kid. I'm sure you have these. They're like memories that are very clear that you can still remember now. Like, crystal clear. Like, oh, that. I remember that moment when I was, like. I think I was 7 or 8. I was in this children's theater company, and we traveled around and we performed. And my dream on planet Earth since I saw the movie was to be Annie, Like a Little Orphan Annie in the musical Annie. I always wanted to be Annie. Every birthday, I would blow out the candles and I would wish to be Annie. And I never got to play Annie, but the closest I got to playing Annie was in this little children's theater thing that I was in. And we were all standing in a line singing the Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow. And the lights were on us. And I remember I had these, like, bedazzled overalls on and this red leotard. And I felt like the coolest kid in the entire world. And when we were done, they had us step forward and say our name and say what we wanted to be when we grew up. That was part of the show. This feels like it was literally two days ago. I stepped forward and I looked out and I saw my mom and my dad in the audience. And I saw everything. The lights and my overalls. And I look out and I'm like, hi, I'm Jenny Gottlieb. And when I grow up, I want to be a Broadway star. And I remember right after I said that, I looked out and I said to myself, this is the greatest thing on planet Earth. I want to do this for the rest of my life. And that was the moment where I said, and I knew, like, I'm going to be an actor. This is my purpose in life, and this is what I'm going to be. Ironically. Sure, we'll get to the rest of the story later. But sometimes what you think is your purpose is kind of close, but. But it's a little bit of a U turn away. And I had to find that through the path of becoming an actress and realizing that there was something so much better on the other side that I could use my performing skills for.

It sounds so incredible to have clarity, like on your purpose and, you know, your passion and reason at a young age. But to your point, it didn't turn out exactly the way that you thought. So take us through what that looked like.

Yeah. So I decided I'm going to be an actress and. And I'm gonna do what actresses do. And they audition and they are starving artists and their wait tables and they do the hard life that you have when you're an actor. First. I went to college for musical theater at the University of Hartford and I hated college. It was the worst. So I dropped out and I did a little pit stop in Florida and like, was a Hooters waitress and didn't know what I was gonna do and then had a moment where I was like, nope, no, Jen, you need to go to New York City. So I moved to New York at like 20 years old and went to a musical theater conservatory program on the Upper west side called the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. And it was a two year program where you just sang and danced and acted every day for two years. That's all I did. And they taught you basically how to go out into the world and become a Broadway actor. And during that time I went to go see a lot of shows and we didn't have any money, so we would like get student rush tickets and sit in the back of the theater and. And one of the shows that we went to go see while I was a student living in this little 8 foot by 8 room with a twin bunk bed and had no money was the Wedding Singer. You know, the Adam Sandler movie, the Wedding Singer.

Love it.

Yeah, yeah, Great movie. Okay. They turned it into a musical and me and my friends go. We sit in the back of the theater and 15 minutes into the show, there's this character that walks out onto the stage and there's like a smoke machine and she's wearing this like, Madonna like a virgin wedding dress. And she walks onto the stage and. And immediately I knew who this character was. This was Linda, the bitch that leaves Robbie Hart at the altar. And in the show, this woman is hilarious. She's like this sexy, like, ditzy rocker chick. And I immediately turned to my friend and I was like, I'm gonna play this part one day. I just knew, like, I never wanted to be like the good girl or the princess or the soprano. I always wanted to be the bitch. And I was like, she's funny. She's like, totally stole the show. It was amazing. And so I made it my goal. I was like, this is what I'm going to do. And this is one of the biggest entrepreneurial lessons of my entire life. And it happened in my acting career was the process of getting this part. Because at that moment when I said that to my friend, he looked at me and he was like, okay, you're going to be on Broadway. Sure. Great. We're in school. There's nothing further from that moment right now than you. So good try. And what I started to do at that time was visualize, like, every night before I went to bed, I would sing myself to sleep. I would sing the songs, the Linda songs that she sang. And I would visualize myself in the costume and seeing the audience and feeling the lights on my body, like, see it so clearly every single night. It was like a game I played with myself. And slowly, that kind of made me really believe that this was actually possible for me. And in school, I would sing her songs as my tests. In musical theater school, you sing songs as tests. So I would tell all my teachers, I'm going to be Linda and the Wedding Singer. They're like, okay, great. Yeah. Can you do anything else? I'm like, no, I'm going to be Linda the Wedding Singer. And I was so focused. And I truly believe that I was reprogramming my subconscious to believe that this thing had already happened to me, that I was Linda. I believe the way that the Law of Attraction works. I tell the story a lot as if I've manifested this role, but I don't believe I magically manifested it at all. I believe that I was reprogramming my subconscious and making the opportunities way more prevalent and making the rejections less painful and making the fear a lot less when I took action to get it. So I'll skip a lot of the story, but I auditioned a bazillion times. I got rejected a bazillion times. I got the part but the understudy. And then I had to sit in the wings and watch somebody else play the part for two months while we rehearsed it. And from this process of getting rejected and not getting it and had to get back up and had to sneak into another audition and try to sing for a different director. And I had to do all of these crazy things to get this role in the face of getting rejected again and again and again and again. When I finally did get the part of Linda and performed it all over the country, the Broadway show, playing that part in the same costume that the woman that I watched on Broadway wore. And the first time I did it, and I looked out and I saw the audience and the lights and the costume, and the visual was exactly the same as the visual that I did in my little twin bed years ago. And I walk backstage and I'm like, oh, my God, Jen, you can create anything that you want. You just can't stop. As long as you don't stop, you'll get what you want. And this was the greatest lesson in entrepreneurship that I ever had. And I take it with me now to this day, because I learned the lesson and then I forgot it after that. So we can talk about what happened after that. But I still learned the lesson there. That was the first taste of what can happen if you don't give up. And the power of visualization and the power of persistence and the power of resiliency. And when I left that show, though, I came home and I got this other gig on VH1, which was a heavy metal talk show. And I don't like heavy metal music. Never did. Still don't. But I booked this gig, okay. And I was an actor. I was like, great. I could play this part. And before I knew it, I had built a brand and an identity of this heavy metal chick that couldn't have been further from who I really was. I was on the show for five years. People thought I was, like, sexy metal girl, and I was living a lie. I was being seen, but I was being seen as somebody that couldn't have been further from who I really was. And because of that, I believe I was in this internal battle with myself. I slid down situation, severe depression. I had a horrible eating disorder. I was in a toxic relationship, and I didn't know who the hell I was anymore. And I don't know about you. I'm sure you've had a moment like this in your life. But when you're out of alignment and you can't figure out how to fix it and how to get back in, a lot of the times, the universe will do it for you.

Oh, yeah, for me, that was getting fired. Yeah. So I'm with you. I've experienced that firsthand. It's painful, but it gets your attention quickly for sure.

And it forces you to shift. Like, the shit has to happen for the shift to happen. So I lost the show. The guy that I was with left me for one of my friends. I thought I was going to Marry him. And he left. I know, right? Greatest thing that ever happened to me. But of course, not in that moment.

Not in that moment that happened, buddy.

I found myself living in a tiny little room with, like, on the Upper east side, with six other actors in this apartment with a window that faced a brick wall, with no job and no relationship and not knowing who the hell I was anymore. And I had to start over. And this was probably the darkest. This was the worst. And I wish that I could sit here and say to you, like, yes, I rose like a phoenix from the ashes. And I was just like, I'm going to reinvent my life. It didn't happen that way. It actually was really hard. And this is a great story if we're going to talk about the book, but my mom had to come into the city and, like, smack me upside the head, take care of me a little bit. And she came in and my mom was really into personal development and she still is. And I wasn't at the time at all. I was like, not hearing her weird woo woo stuff. She comes into the city and she gives me this book. And it's called you'd Can Heal youl Life by Louise Hay. You know it?

Yeah, of course.

It's a book full of affirmations. Very famous personal development book. And she knew I wasn't going to read the book, so she actually photocopied one of the affirmations and she put it inside the book. She's very smart. And I go home and I open this book and there's this affirmation that my mom photocopied for me. On the back of it, it says, jenny, I hope you find yourself again. And I look at this affirmation, I go, okay, I'm not going to read this book, but I will read this stupid affirmation every day. That's all I'm going to commit to. I'll read this stupid thing, I'll put it on the refrigerator. And I just. I made my very first promise to myself. And every day I'm going to read this. Before I go outside, before I do anything, I'm going to read the affirmation. And I don't know if it was the act of consistently sticking with that one commitment, that promise that I made to myself every day and letting that be the thing that gave me the win, that gave me the momentum, or if it was the actual affirmation itself, but I slowly but surely got myself to change my life and got myself to the floor of Barnes and Noble reading every personal development book on the planet and got myself to events and got myself building my business and got myself onto stages and got myself to where we are now. Crazy thing that happened recently is when I wrote my book Be Seen, we wanted it to be traditionally published and we wanted a really great publisher and I was getting rejected from a lot of publishers. I was getting a lot of no's, I was getting a lot of publishers that didn't get it. I was really nervous that my book wasn't going to find a home. And then I look on the calendar and we had one more meeting and it was with Hay House Louise Hayes Publishing, which is now one of the most famous publishing houses for personal development in the world. And I get on this call and all of a sudden the story of the Affirmation comes back to my mind and Louise Hay and the Affirmation and reading that and that book and then the publisher and I tell the story on this call with the Hay House team. Everyone's crying and then they're like of course that's where my book deal came from and Hay House is publishing Be seen. It's amazing how the dots connect when.

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When you're in the middle of it, like you were, you have no clue. I'm sure after a few of those rejections you're thinking should I even be writing a book? Like is anyone ever going to do this? But yes, you are so right. It's so clear when you look back. It's just never so clear when you're in the middle of it. Give me and everyone listening like an overview. What was that affirmation that you were saying that really helped you?

Literally, I'm looking at the book on my bookshelf behind me. I don't know it anymore. It was really long. I'll find it. I'll send it to you. You can put it in the show notes. I read it so I didn't have it memorized. It wasn't like a simple I'm amazing. It was like in the infinity of life where I am, all is whole and complete. It's like a whole long situation.

But clearly it helps you. And like you said, keeping promises to yourself helps you too. That's a beautiful story and it's so funny to me. I never really knew what manifesting was like even six years ago. You know, for whatever reason, I hadn't heard about that. But now, you know, hearing your story and of course, there's so many others out there. And for anyone listening right now that hasn't had an experience like this, oh my gosh, please open your mind to the possibility. Because, Jen, explaining that one situation with taking that stage and getting that role, and then this other situation with this affirmation and then ultimately going with this publishing house, in the end, this stuff isn't happening by chance. I know it firsthand in my life. And I know that you feel the same way, Jen. So is this a big part of what you coach on now?

So there's a section in my book, the whole second part is called Be Creative. And it's not called Be Creative because it's talking about being creative with your story and messaging. That's further along in the book. When I talk about visibility, when I'm talking about be Creative, I'm talking about creating the life that you really want, creating the person that you want to be seen as and creating that future that you really desire. Now, there's a lot of noise out there about the law of attraction and manifesting, and I don't want to be a downer, but a lot of it's missing something. It's missing a big piece. And I've manifested a lot of stuff in my life, like my husband and it's all in the book and the wedding singer and the life I have now and these windows behind me in this apartment in New York City, I visualized all of it before it happened. But when I look back at everything that I did to create the stuff that I created, the most important piece was not the visualizing and the vision boarding and the being grateful for it as if it existed. The most important piece was the fact that I took action for system. So you can't have the law of attraction without the law of action. All of the visualizing, all of the meditating on it, all of the talking about it as if it's already yours. Those are all tools. They're tools to reprogram the subconscious because the subconscious is the thing that's actually driving the bus. It's actually like leading us towards opportunities subconsciously. It's leading us towards taking action in making things a little bit less scary for us. Because the subconscious is like, I can do this. So all of those tools will reprogram the subconscious to believe that the thing already happened so that you can take action to get the thing. Because if you don't do anything, then nothing happens. You can't visualize a car in your driveway and the car just magically show up. You got to take action to go get it. So there's an entire section in the book about doing and about taking action and the law of action and different tools and strategies that you can use to help make the action taking less scary, help you be more courageous in the action taking. Because it can be scary and people can be unbelievably paralyzed. And that's why a lot of people don't accomplish their dreams, because they're afraid of rejection, they're afraid of judgment, they're afraid of success, whatever it is that they're afraid of. But once you start doing and realizing, oh, every time I do something happens, whether it's not the outcome that I want or it's the outcome that I want, I get a little bit more confident in my capabilities to be able to take action even when I'm afraid. So the more that you do, the more that you will do regardless of the outcome. The hardest part is to get yourself to take that first step.

I want to give the other side of this because my whole life I'm a massive action taker. Like, since the time I'm a kid, that's sort of my thing that I just always take relentless action. However I'll give this, it's literally the flip side of what you're talking about. When you don't manifest, when you don't have this clear vision of knowing what you're going for, knowing it's going to happen, believing, being grateful for it happening, taking massive action can sometimes just be really hard and exhausting and lead you to burnout. Which is certainly what happened for me. And when I look back, and again, it's so clear when I look back, I was missing that piece. So for anyone listening right now, that's like, I take action all the time. What are you talking about? By bringing all of these things together is really such a powerful, incredible, almost magical way to live your life. That's the way that I feel about it now. And you really need all those pieces because when you're taking massive action like I used to, but saying, gosh, this is hard, this is so hard, why is nothing working out for me? You're putting out into the universe, you're putting out there and manifesting that everything is hard. It's always going to be challenging. It's not always going to go the way that you want. And you're taking this massive action, you're getting absolutely tired and frustrated from it. Conversely, as I mentioned before, just over the last few years, I've learned about this other piece which before I just thought was woo woo, crazy people on drugs, or like, you know, in the 60s or something smoking weed would talk about this stuff. But when I decided to say, like, I'll give this a shot. What's the worst that can happen if I start speaking things into existence as if that they've already happened and being grateful for them, and then pretty quickly seeing, wait a minute, this is wild. I just had this idea I should go do this. I'm just gonna act on it. Cause that's my normal thing. And then suddenly it's leading you to a better place. So, you know, wherever for everyone listening, wherever you are on your journey, if you're running into situations and saying things just aren't working out for me, pick your head up for a minute and take a look at what steps you're taking, what you're thinking. And like Jen said, your subconscious is really what's driving you. And by reprogramming that, oh my gosh, you can completely change your life. So tell us about your new book, Be Seen, and why you wrote it.

I never thought I wanted to write a book ever. Like, I always actually said, I don't want to write a book. That sounds like a lot of work. I do not want to write a book. And I'll tell you, the introduction actually shares this story. And I don't share it a lot, but there was this one day a couple of years ago where I woke up and I felt really stuck. Like, really stuck. Like I had a thriving business. I just felt like. Have you ever felt like the momentum's just not happening? I just don't feel clear. I don't feel like things are happening. I feel like a blockage. And I didn't feel like I was really showing up in the world the way that I wanted to, but I couldn't figure out what to do about it. So I told Chris, he's like, let's.

Go for a walk.

Because we always go for walks whenever we want to figure something out. And we're walking around the West Village and we walk up to this psychic, like, hole in the wall office. And I have never had a psychic reading in my life. In fact, I don't ever. I'm scared of them. I'm scared. I don't want them to tell me something I don't want to hear. So you can just go Somewhere with your psychic reading. But on that day, Chris was like, you should get a psychic reading.

Why not?

It'll be fun. I'm like, okay, fine, Fine. I've never done it before. Fine, we'll just take it with a grain of salt. I go in, I sit down. This lady doesn't know who I am. She knows nothing about me. She starts shuffling the cards, and she looks at me and she goes, this was before the book, before anything. You're going to be really successful one day. But what's coming to me is that you need to be seen. And I'm like, what? You are so wrong. Like, I'm so seen. I, like, got mad at her because at the time, I owned a PR agency and I had a social media following, and I was doing stuff. I was helping other people be seen. I had a program called the Be Seen Accelerator. I was like, listen, I got a program. Maybe that's what's coming to you. Like, this is what I do for a living. She's like, no, you're not being seen. And I was like, oh, no, I'm being seen. She's like, that's what's coming to me. Be seen. Be seen. Be seen. Be seen. Be Seen. And I'm like, okay. And I leave. And I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't sleep that night because I knew in my gut I was like, shit, that's it. Like, I was being seen. But I wasn't really letting people in. And there were so many things that I wasn't sharing. And I was just showing up with very much of a filter, like the perfect videos, the perfect images, what I wanted everybody to see all the time. I wasn't letting people really in. There was a disconnect, and I wasn't pushing myself to take messy action. I wasn't allowing myself to be imperfect in front of people. And I knew it and I felt it. And I woke up and I turned to Chris and I said to him, I was like, listen, hold me accountable. I'm writing a book because this is going to force me to be seen in a way that I have never been seen in my life. And that was the action. And then you and I are fast action takers. I immediately wrote an introduction that's not the introduction to the book. I immediately bought a domain that's not the title. I immediately started to outline a book that's not the book, Whatever. But I put the wheels into action. But here's the kicker. The book was never called Be Seen. I threw away Be Seen. When she said it to me, And I was like, done. I'm going to be seen. But the book was never called Be Seen. I wrote a book that was completely called something else. And I was in a meeting with Gabby Bernstein, Marie Forleo and Kris Carr and Amy Porterfield, and we were all talking about book stuff. And I said the name of my book, and all the girls are like, jen, you don't like that name? And I was like, no, you're right, I don't. But I'm stuck with it because the they bought the proposal with this book. And Gabby was like, that's not the name of your book. And I'm like, you're right, but there's nothing I can really do about it. And she goes, jen, we need to change this. What do you help people do? And I'm like, well, I help people be Seen. She goes, that's the name of your book.

And I go, oh, my God, this is beyond bizarre.

Be seen. Duh.

Be seen.

So then it all connected. It all came together. Because in that time, while I was writing that book, I was also, as you probably saw, like, producing an absurd amount of content and getting an absurd amount of stages. And the process of writing the book allowed me to really have to show up the way that I was teaching people to show up instead of just teaching. I was in it, I was being, and I was doing it. And I still am, and I'm still actually reading my own book, because promoting a book is. There's a lot of fear that comes with it when you have to be seen on a whole nother level. So that's where the book came from. But I wrote it for the girl who was like me, who is hiding. I know the girl I wrote it for. Her name's Kayla, and I would just talk to her every time I put my hands on the keyboard, and I would just have a conversation with her. And that's how I wrote it. Like I was having a conversation with a friend. She's got a service or a story or a product or something that she's really passionate about, and she wants to get it out there, but she's absolutely petrified to be seen imperfectly. She's absolutely petrified to mess up in front of people, to put herself out there, to let people judge her or reject her. So she stays hiding, and she doesn't produce any content. She doesn't put herself out there because the fear of being rejected is just too strong. And I told her, I tell her all my stories I tell her all of my tips, all of my tricks, all of my tools, and then simultaneously I'm out there doing them for her. So not only can she read the book and get that for her, but she can then go hop on Instagram or YouTube or TikTok or all the places and see that I'm also doing it. And she can join me live every day while I put my makeup on, too, and ask me questions.

I love the title. I'm so glad that you changed it because it's so powerful and relevant to the society that we live in today, right? With social media and people being so afraid for someone to actually know who they really are. When you meet with these people and through the book, what are some of the strategies that you share that you're most proud of or that you've seen have the biggest impact with people?

So let's start with the mindset. Because if you don't have the mindset, you're not even going to do anything. So the strategy doesn't matter. Here's the most powerful tool in the book. There's an entire chapter on it. The chapter is called this little list will change your life. And I use this on a regular basis because the biggest problem that I see with specifically entrepreneurs trying to build a brand, why they're not being seen, is imposter syndrome. Is not feeling good enough. Is not feeling like they are the expert, that they are not welcome here. They are not good enough. Who are they to produce this content or speak on the stage or write this book or do the thing? So I created this on accident with a friend.

She.

I have this good friend, Tori, and she was my very first accountability buddy, and I was in awe of her. And she was like, so ahead of. She had, like, online courses. And I was just getting started in this world and we were having one of our weekly calls and she was just in massive imposter syndrome when it came to, like, putting out this one course that she created and actually marketing it. And she's like, I don't think I can launch this. I think I'm just going to throw it out. I think I'm going to start over. I'm like, tori, can we just take a second and, like, talk about how amazing and badass you are? And she's like, what do you mean? I'm like, okay, let's play a game. Take out a piece of paper, and I want you to write down all the things that you've done in your life when you were a badass. Like Because I know about you, and I know all the things that you've done. Can we just start talking about them? And so she starts writing down, like, all these things she's done. Like, she ran a marathon. She moved to New York City by herself. She created an online company. She made 100k her first year. Like, all these things that she starts writing down. And then, like, all right, now I want you to take that list and read it out loud as if it's somebody else. And she starts reading it as if it's someone else. And she's like. I'm like, are you impressed with that person? Is that person worthy of doing this? And she's like, yes, you're right. And I'm like, wow, that worked. So she. She laminated that list and she put it up on her office, and we call it the badass list. And since then, I have taught that to thousands and thousands of entrepreneurs in many of our boot camps and courses. And it has actually changed a lot of people's lives in the way of getting them out of their own way and allowing themselves to be seen. One woman particularly. Her name's Brenda. She's in the book too. It was on the first day of one of our boot camps. I teach the badass list to make sure that everybody knows how badass they are before they go online and start being seen, because you need to get past the imposter syndrome to do it. So I teach everybody, and first homework assignment was to go live and read one of your badass list moments out loud and talk about it live. So this woman, Brenda, who actually she tells the story afterwards. The day before she started that challenge with us, that online challenge, she was on the phone with Suicide Holla. She was gonna kill herself. She had a bottle of pills in her hand, and she was suffering from severe ptsd. She was a former Marine. She was really, really in a really bad place. And the person on the other side of the suicide hotline said, don't take all the pills. Just take one and go do something different. So she listens. She takes one, she goes to sleep. She wakes up, she sees an email for our silly bootcamp that we were doing at the time. She's like, fine, I'll do this. She shows up on the boot camp. I tell everybody to do this badass list thing she does. She's like, this is stupid, but I'm gonna do the stupid homework, right? She does the badass list. She goes live, and she talks about a life changing moment that she had in her life. And because she did that, another woman who was messaged her and said, listen, I haven't gotten out of bed for a month because my child just committed suicide and I couldn't feed my kids and I couldn't function. But because you went live and told me that story, I got out of bed today and I fed my kids. And because Brenda was seen, she helped that other woman and Brenda was like, oh my God. So Brenda started doing daily lives. Now Brenda has a talk show and Brenda has a book and Brenda is the solutionist. And Brenda is doing all these things and she's got this huge coaching business and she actually won that challenge that we did. But it that badass list changed not just her life, but somebody else because it gave her the courage to show up. So sometimes we forget how amazing we are and we just have to remind ourselves and stop looking and judging everybody else and thinking how amazing everybody else is online and look at the amazing things you've done and read them back as if they're somebody else and allow yourself to be really frickin proud of yourself and impressed with yourself. And remember that if you're worthy of doing all of those things, you are most certainly worthy of doing whatever it is that you're about to go do in front of other people.

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I love that story. The minute that you realize you taking that action, you taking that chance. Brenda Going live can impact and Help someone else. Suddenly the fear is gone, and your why is so much stronger. That's such a beautiful story. And I love that idea of reading the list back as if it's somebody else. That's a really powerful take that I had not seen used before, but it makes all the sense in the world because if you are reading that list as somebody else, oh, my gosh. It's so impressive, right? It's so powerful. I love it. You talk a lot in the book about confidence. Can you give us some strategies around or tips around building confidence?

Yeah, well, I feel like I'm speaking to the expert in the world on.

Everybody has their own take on, you know, what their own strategies are. So I'd love to hear.

I'm so excited to jam on confidence with you. You are a mentor to me in confidence. But I believe for me, in my experience, in my journey of becoming more confident over time, it's always been from just consistently sticking with my own commitments. Right. Saying I'm going to do something and following through with it. And I actually created like a confidence continuum flowchart because I learned it when I was starting to go live for the very first time. You know, I was on camera for my whole life as an actor and completely confident on camera. You could put me in front of anyone wearing a costume and makeup and whatever, and I could crush it. But the second that I had to go live as Jen, what? So scared, so petrified. Like, not. I did my mask on. Like, I wasn't perfect. What was I going to say? I was so scared. So the way that I was able to build confidence to the point where now I go live every morning with no makeup on and a bow on my head and, you know, answering questions every day, and it's easy for me was because I just consistently took action with fear there anyway. So I like to. This is like what I like to take people through. So you have to take action the first time, right? You know this. You got to take action scared. You got to put fear in the passenger seat. You got to say, shut up, fear. We're going to go do this. I'm going to be scared. It's going to be uncomfortable, but we have to just do the damn thing one time. And once you do the thing you're afraid to do, you take away a lot of the power that fear has over you. So you do the thing. It's only the hardest the first time. So let's use the analogy of being seen on Facebook Live. So I did the Facebook Live Even though I was petrified. Okay, you do it. Then you get a little winner, you press stop, and you feel good about yourself. Wow, that wasn't that bad. I didn't die. Okay. Celebrate yourself. Celebration's a big part of building confidence. You can't skip that part. Celebrate the shit out of the fact that you just did something scary. Okay? Now, motivation is not created by a motivational fairy that taps you on the head and says you're motivated. It's created by getting the win. Oh, I want. That felt good. Okay, I can do that again now. So then the next day, I went to do it. I was still afraid. Afraid, but I was a little bit less afraid because I had that win behind me. I had that proof. I had that commitment that I kept to myself, and it made me a little bit more confident that I could do it again. So you do it again. So you take action. You get the little win. You take action again, you get a big win. Because the second time that I did it, somebody DM'd me, and they said, oh, my God, Jen, that live was amazing. Can I talk to you about working with you? Wow. Facebook lives get you leads. Who knew I got a big win. This is awesome. I could do this again. Then I'm way more confident, and then I do it again. And that creates momentum, and that momentum will keep you going and taking action with less and less and less and less fear. And then what do you have pretty soon? Confidence. Then I'm confident. But I had to work all those steps to get it. And confidence doesn't necessarily mean. And I'm sure you probably agree, it doesn't mean that you're the life of the party and the most extroverted person in the room, because I'm not. I'm actually very introverted. Confidence is just a knowing you can be the most confident. I feel like the most confident people are usually the most quiet people because they've got nothing to prove. You can all have all the attention. I'm good.

So true. Insecurity is so loud, and confidence can be so quiet. Although I am one of the loudest people that I know, so I have seen it modeled in different ways. But, yeah, no, I totally agree with you. Typically, when someone's trying to act so. So over the top, it's because they're trying to hide. Not feeling good about themselves.

Yeah, completely. No, I call it quiet confidence. Like, you're always attracted to the most. The person in the room that just has that knowing, you know, like, you know, the person in the room. Like, they just know that they. Whatever they got, you want some of it. And they don't have to scream it across the room. They don't have to be loud. You know, they're. They're the people that stick to their promises. They're the people that ask a lot of questions. They're the people that are really curious. They're the people that just have trust within themselves that they're always okay and they've always got their own back. I don't believe it's something that you just innately have. Maybe we're all born confident, but real, true, quiet confidence and trust in yourself is built over time. It's built over consistently putting yourself in uncomfortable positions and proving to yourself that you can move through them. And every time you do that, you're equipping yourself more for the next time and the next time and the next time and the next time.

So are you feeling so much more confident about yourself now that you've written Be Seen and it's out in the world?

Yes and no.

Yes.

It's two different things. So, yes, I feel like I do. I feel very much more confident talking about it, talking on camera, my messaging, my stories. Like, I've practiced saying them hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times. Yes. This is the first time I've ever launched a book. This is the first time I've ever promoted a book. And I was actually talking to my therapist, and I was like, oh, my God, There's. There's so many ways to launch a book. I'm so nervous. I'm so scared. She goes, what's your relationship with being a beginner? Have you ever launched a book before? And I'm like, no. She's like, then how could you possibly be unbelievably confident in launching a book? Like, you are so right. So no, am I 100%. I will be way more confident for the second book. But I'm learning as I go. I'm doing uncomfortable shit. I'm doing scary stuff. I'm figuring it out. I'm allowing myself to be imperfect and messy. I'm allowing myself to have a little bit fun. I'm taking away the pressure, trying to at least. And. And I'll let you know what I learned on the other side. But it's. It's. It's always a journey, right? We're always reaching new levels. And after I write this book, I'm going to be writing book number two. And I'm sure a whole bunch of new stuff will come with Book number two.

It's so true. You know, I remember when I wrote my first book, Confidence Creator, which I self published, I was so scared, you know, leading up to launch. Literally, like I was getting panic attacks. I was. The anxiety was horrible. I don't know what I thought was going to happen. Some, you know, mystical, horrible thing was going to happen to me and was just, I guess, that feeling of being seen, right. Like everything that you're talking about, that I was allowing myself to be seen in a way I never had before. And after it came out, it did really, really well. The funny thing is, my second book I did with HarperCollins leadership. It was so much more work, so many more people involved. My second book ended up being harder.

To your point of.

You just assume for sure once I've done it once, like, oh, this is nothing. But sometimes the variables around things change. Covid happened exactly when I was launching my book. Like, all these weird variables that you can't control. And that's the cool thing, I think about confidence is that it ebbs and flows in different situations and life is not predictable. And thank goodness for that because there's so many incredible things that happen all the time that we can't imagine. But when you find that confidence in yourself or in your faith or in this idea that there's something much bigger out there in the world and you know you're doing good and good will ends up happening for you, you have, like, a strong foundation, you're able to get through whatever challenges arise. So I know you're going to come out the other side of this so happy that you have be seen. And again, the stories that you hear on the impact that you have on people, this is legacy. This is a compound effect that you're going to have long after you're gone from this planet, because so many will be seen as a result of this book. So don't forget that in the scary moments, for sure.

Thank you for that. Wow. How lucky am I that I get this little pep talk from Heather? You're amazing.

I've been in your seat, right? I've been in.

I know you have.

I've been in it twice. And yeah, it's super stressful. And we have a mutual friend that just launched a book and we see all the work that goes in. And let me tell you, for anyone listening, it's like a new company launch or like, it is big, it's all consuming, and there's no guarantee things are going to work. So, you know, pushing yourself to put yourself out there, jump into the fear, own it and rock it is. It's not always easy, but you are not alone, that's for sure. All right, so you've coached over 30,000 people, which is unbelievable. Knowing that and using that foundation as a lot of the information that you share in the book and your teachings in the book. What is the most common thing that holds people back from being seen?

We just talked about it. It's fear. The first part of the book, I talk about the symptoms of fear. And here's the crazy thing about fear, because we all know fear as, like, that feeling of anxiety, right? That feeling. That's what comes to my mind initially when I think about fear. Like, oh, my God, I'm anxious. My heart is beating really fast. Like, I'm so scared of this thing. But fear actually comes in and sneaks in in these other symptoms. I call them, like, these weird other ways that you don't really realize it's fear, like perfectionism and comparisonitis and analysis, paralysis and the disease to please. And fomo, like, fear of missed opportunity. Those are all ways that fear can come in. Fear's whole job is to keep us, like, stuck, not doing anything right. So the whole way I've talked to some of the most successful people in the world, I'll have conversations with them. Like, people that just exited their company for literally $1 billion call me. And I'm scared to be on camera. I'm scared to, because I have a bunch of videos that I filmed, but I don't want to put them out there because they're not quite right. I need to get the perfect camera. I need to. I'm waiting until I get my camera crew and my lighting and my studio set up, and I'm like, that is just fear. You have a stage in your pocket. You have a stage in your pocket. Nobody has an excuse. We all have a stage that we can be on, but we're not using it because we're afraid.

It's not.

Not perfect because we're. Somebody else is already saying what we want to say because we're comparing ourselves to other people. It's not as good as them because we don't want to shine too bright and make somebody else feel bad. All of these excuses that we make, that our negotiations, that fear starts to make with us in our head, they seem really real, but they are just our fear. And it's either our fear of judgment, our fear of failure, our fear of people saying mean things on the Internet, our fear of success. And it comes out in all these ways. So my ask for the listener, whoever is listening. If, you know, if you're sitting there, I'm talking to you, I know you're like, jen, you're right. You're waiting to post that video because you don't think it's perfect and you're redoing it 85 times and then you just delete it and you don't put it out there because it's not perfect. I want you to ask yourself, like, have you ever put out a perfect video? Has anything ever been perfect? And by the way, I can tell you from an engagement standpoint and a success standpoint, stuff that I put out there online that's not perfect, that's actually more raw and real, always does better than the really fancy stuff. Always, always, always, always. People don't like to connect with perfect people because perfect people don't exist.

So true. Jen, for everybody who wants to be seen but is struggling with fear, where do they find the book? How do they find the book? How do they find you?

Be seen book dot com. Go there. All the places where you can get the book are on that website. Just click there. You can choose whichever one you want. Choose your journey, but get the book. Share about it. Find me on Instagram, tag me, tell me you shared it. Be seen and I'll share you with all my people too so you can be seen in the process.

And your handle on Instagram at Jen underscore Gottlieb. You've been dying to be seen and who isn't? Who isn't to truly be seen. This is the book for you. You've got to get it. Jen, thank you so much for writing it. Thank you for putting yourself out there. So proud of you and can't wait to have you back on the show so we can talk about how you are doing on that other side and how that second book is going. Because I'm sure it'll be happening before you know it.

Thank you, Heather. This was so fun.

All right, guys, until next week, keep creating your confidence on this journey with me. I'm going to make. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what.

You'Re going to hear.

Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

I'm on this journey with me.