#427: How To Bounce Back When Things Don’t Go As Planned with Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me. We are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seatbelts. I'm ready for my close up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Oh, my gosh. So much incredible stuff is happening right now. It is so wild. However, what I want you to know is yesterday I was not feeling incredible. I was in a tailspin. I had been triggered. We've all been there. And the funny thing is, I know you're gonna think this is funny. Cause I think it's funny. I'm always talking to you guys about, oh, listen, always respond with all the grace in class and don't react. You're giving people power over you.

Right.

I'm real quick to tell everyone how to do it. However, I needed my own advice yesterday. And the funny thing is, when the train comes off the tracks, it's so hard in the moment to pick it up. One of the things that I've become good at is going to other people for help in those moments when I see myself literally tailspin, losing my mind. And I know it's not real, and I know I'm overreacting and I know I'm in my head. It's so funny. Something in my personal life happened that I didn't like. I felt like it was not right. And in my mind, it shouldn't have happened that way. Right? Like, who am I, you know, to decide how someone else should respond to something? I didn't like it, and so I was upset. It triggered me. I went into a total tailspin as if I was reacting to something massive.

When it was something small.

But I couldn't grasp it in the moment. And it was so good, I went downstairs and by chance, this was by chance. But this is God at work in my life. And I'm so blessed and highly favored and so grateful. But I had agreed. A friend of mine who is one of the most, most incredible women I know, Cindy Meltzer. If you don't know her, follow her on LinkedIn. She's in charge of the TEDx Boca Raton. Just an incredible person, always helping people, always connecting great people to one another. Just. I love her. And she's the one that got me my 2019 TEDx talk. So when she reaches out to me and says, I need help, we're not selling enough tickets. Will you come do a book signing at our event? I don't get Paid for those things, right? And it's an hour and a half away and it's on a Saturday. And you know you're going to give up, like, I don't know, six hours of your Saturday. And anyhow, bottom line is this. She calls, I go, if there's any way I can do it, I always do it because I just believe. Do that next right thing for those good people in your life, and good things just happen, right? So anyhow, I had agreed to do this a couple of weeks ago for her, and it was such a blessing for me. Right? So when you go to help other people, it actually helps you when you are struggling, when you are upset, help somebody else. And that will lift you out of your funk. Fact, fact, fact, right? And it's funny, I couldn't grasp it in the moment, but it just was this divine intervention that I had agreed to do this two weeks earlier. I got this response Saturday morning. I didn't like that I felt was wrong, and I didn't like how somebody else responded to something. I was very, very upset, irrationally upset, like a nut. And it triggered something in me. Obviously, it took me a little while to get it back together, but the thing that really helped me get it back together was I got to go to this event and help my friend. And there was a series of unbelievable things that occurred that I'm going to share with you. But here's the takeaway for me is one, have your good. Go to people that are on your short list you can connect with when you're tailspinning, because they will help talk you out of it. So crazy. But I love one of my ballet guys. He's incredible in my building. Just such a great human has become a great friend to me. I truly love him, like family. He's helped my son so much. So wonderful person. And I was going downstairs to leave for this event to go help my friend, and I was tailspinning. It was all over my face. I was very upset. And he said, what's going on? And I said, I'm in a tailspin. Let me break down for you what happened. It was very honest. And I explained to him the situation and how I didn't like how it went. And he told me, he said, you're overreacting. You're in your head. He said, you've got to let this go. It is not a big deal. And you need to take a breath. And it was so good. Like, you know, it kind of gave me the smack in the face, like, hey, come on what are you doing? This is not you. And you know what? I need to give you a reality check and I needed that because I was not doing well. I was tail spinning Meet a different guest each week.

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Confidence. I asked you to try to find your passion. Then I immediately said, okay, what else can I do now on this hour and a half long Uber ride out to Boca Raton? And I thought I could listen to meditation music, which I don't usually do. I should do, right? Polo. But I made myself do it because I just thought like I'm not in a good headspace. My friend just told me I'm overreacting. Like I need to calm myself down. And so I listened to meditation music. Like I, I did something to try to help myself, help me. And when I got out to Boca, I met up with a friend of mine first. Before I went to the event, she spoke life into me. She told me to calm down. She told me I was overreacting. So again, I'm seeing all these people that love me, who care about me, who are like my ride or die in my life for a long time. They're saying that I'm overreacting. I know I'm overreacting. Okay. I've been calming myself down. I'm getting a little bit more calm. Okay, this is good. It's good, right? Like get around good people. Your tribe is everything. Good people are everything. Then I went to the event. And getting to the event was so, so incredible, so timely. It was just amazing. My friend was so happy I was there. I felt so good, like, giving my time and energy and effort to them to help others, because it took me out of my own head. I didn't have time to be thinking about what had happened that morning because I was so in the moment. Signing people's books, taking pictures with people, jumping on a podcast with someone, you know, speaking life into the speakers, right? Cause I went to the TEDx Boca Raton for 2024 as support person, but in 2019, I had done it right? So I was able to help and encourage and speak life and hope into the speakers because it's super stressful, right? I couldn't be in my own head anymore because I was helping other people. So my message to you is, anytime you get in your head, anytime your tail's spinning and you know it and you don't know what to do, a good solution is to try to find someone else to help. Because the minute you stop making everything about you and how you're suffering and how this is wrong and this shouldn't have happened and that person shouldn't have done that, and what is this mean and raw? Because that's what I was doing. I got into this space of, how can I help everybody here in front of me? And I had to let go. You can't live in both headspaces. So I was in this super positive space. I was helping people. I was feeling so good about myself, and incredible people were coming up and speaking life and hope into me. I met this amazing woman, Lauren, who told me how much my books and this show have helped her and helped build confidence in her life and her career. And I had the chills hearing it and meant the world to me. Never think. Sometimes people think like, oh, I shouldn't tell this person how they help me, or I shouldn't no, tell people. I so needed it Saturday. I so needed that talk. And I needed. I had a number of people come up and talk to me about my books. And it was a book signing, obviously. So about my books and about the show and the difference it's made in their life. And the reality is they made a difference in my life right in that moment. You never know. If people looked at me, they wouldn't have thought I was struggling, right? I looked super cute. I worked really hard at getting myself together. I wasn't crying. No one knew I was tail spinning, but I was. And these people just came and spoke life into Me and belief into me and encouraged me about my books and the show. And gosh, what an incredible moment. So never deny that when you feel like you want to share something. How somebody impacted you, helped you, had a positive influence in your life. Tell them you never know what somebody else might be dealing with. I was having a bad first, you know, first world problems, but a bad day in my head. And those people pulled me right out of that funk. I ended up in the greatest mood and it was just so crazy. And then helping others was such a blessing and made me feel so good about myself that I was there to help others and to support other people. Then yet again, divine intervention, when I started getting into a better headspace, right? Which I was, I definitely wasn't in a really good headspace. Finally at that point, hours later, took a few hours, but I got there. I kind of reflected in my mind for a minute. I thought, wow, what a big transition from this morning to how I feel right now. I felt amazing and I felt grateful and I felt blessed and happy and so thankful for these people and this opportunity to help others. And I was flying high. I was so happy. And so in that moment, I reflected, wow, Heather, hello. Learn from this. This morning you were crash course to nowhere. And right now, you feel on top of the world. Look how quickly you can help change your attitude, you can help change your energy, you can help change your mental space by taking some very specific action steps, right? And like, you can do this. And I'm in the right place at exactly the right time. And I was so grateful my friend had asked me to be there. Now this was like, had come full circle. It was such a blessing. And everything happens exactly the way it's meant to. Okay, so I'm feeling amazing. I'm reflecting on, like, I was so proud of myself. I was so grateful for everything around me. I was just like, living in this, such a positive vibe, right? I know that you know this. You had moments like this. It felt better because I had been so low that morning, right? Yesterday, I was just like, ah, ah, I'm so happy. Like, everything's working out for me. I'm so grateful. And then all of a sudden, I see Pete Vargas. And Pete Vargas, if you don't know him, he's big in my space, right? Like, he's a huge speaker and he is, you know, taking st. Tony Robbins. And like, the guy is crushing it. He's partners with Grant Cardone. He has this 10x speaker thing. He's in my sphere, in my space. Like, he's not, like, a direct competitor, but, like, you know, he's does a lot of the same things I do, and he's ahead of where I am. I'm not far behind, though. Hello, people. You know me. We coming for you, Pete. But anyhow, so I only knew Pete online, and it's interesting when you know someone line, and I follow him. I subscribe to all his stuff because he's in my world, right? Like, I want to learn from people who are ahead of where I am. I talk to you about that all the time, right? Like, never take advice or direction from someone who hasn't been where you want to go. And so I cheer him on from a distance. But I always kind of thought he was, like, this really aggressive sales guy, had a message to share and was taking major stages and killing it. And I'm like, I'm hyped for him, but I also want to, like, get to that level too. I totally want the Tony Robbins stage. There's no doubt. Let's not hide it. Let's not sugarcoat it. Okay, so that's happened. So, anyhow, so I see him. I'm doing this book signing, and he's back in the VIP area. Cause he's one of the speakers that was gonna speak, and I didn't even realize that. And so just funny how everything comes together. So I yell, pete. As if, like, he knows who I am. But he did, right? So he had seen, I'm sure, the stuff that I was doing a book signing there. And so I went over, I introduced myself. I was really excited to meet him. I said, listen, I've been following you online. He said, like, what's going on with you? And it was funny. I said, are you nervous at all? And he said, yeah, I actually am. And here's what I want you to know. No matter where you are in your life, your journey, your career, there are moments your confidence is gonna dip. This is reality. I don't care if you've taken the biggest stages in the world. When you take your first TEDx, you're going to be nervous. I don't think enough people talk about this. It's important. And I'm so grateful I was there with him because I was able to speak life into him and remind him that there's a fine line between being nervous and being excited. We're exc. Let's get hyped up. And then I'm like, listen, let's. We gotta hit your playlist to get in the zone. Please tell me you have 90s hip hop. And he did. He had listened to all the same music that I did. I was so hyped, we were going crazy that we had the same exact taste of music. It was so fun. Then I was reminding him, let's visualize the entire crowd standing, giving you a standing ovation. Let's think about you impacting people. This is not about you. This is about you reaching people with your message. Your message is going to change people's lives. Like I'm speaking this life into him. It's all the same things, you know, that I do for myself. But I want to encourage him because it's scary, it's super intimidating. What some people don't understand is they think like, oh, you speak all the time, it's no big deal. No, a TedX is totally different. You don't have 45 minutes to talk. You have 10 or 12 or 18. You have a red circle. You're not allowed to leave. You had to get everything pre approved. When he got there, there was no ticker, no clock. All these weird things happen and it throws you off. So I remember it was the scariest talk I ever gave. And I'm sure it was his too, right? Because it's so different than what you're accustomed to. So what I want you to know is this. You are not alone. When your confidence dips, you are in good company. My people, you are challenging yourself to go to the next level. You are challenging yourself to grow and do different and new things. And that's something to be celebrated, right? But you're not alone. You're in a crew of like minded people like me, like Pete, that like, we're pushing ourselves to do different things. Our confidence is gonna dip a little bit. We're gonna encourage people to help us and pick us up in those moments and we're gonna move forward. So it was just this incredible experience. I would have never even met him had I not gone there to help my friend. And then I wasn't thinking about anything about my morning anymore. Like, I was so in the moment. I was so fired up. This is a guy like in my sphere that I kind of always wanted to connect with. And I said, wait a minute, aren't you friends with the Gordons too? John Gordon, Katherine Gordon? He said, yeah. So he calls John Gordon on FaceTime. And we're on FaceTime with our friend John. And it was just such a surreal moment. And then we put the phone down and people started asking if they could take pictures of Pete and I And wouldn't you know the guy, one of the photographers says, I just saw that you were on a call with John Gordon, that's my next door neighbor. I'm friends with their kids. It was surreal. Like everything was just coming together. It was so wild. And I knew in that moment this is exactly where I'm meant to be. Nothing went wrong today, Heather. Like, everything's going exactly the way it's supposed to. Just because it didn't go the way I thought it should didn't mean there wasn't a better way. And I was really. Oh, gosh. I felt like major growth moment. Like I'm actually. I felt really happy and really grateful and really blessed. And so anyhow, a million things went wrong, of course, at the TEDx because that's just what happens. Like, you have to know things aren't always going to go perfect. But one of the things I wanted to share with you was actually Pete's talk. And it's not up yet. It will be up to soon, I'm sure. You've got to watch it. It's so good. He did such a great job. The biggest takeaway for me is people are not always the same person you think they are on social media. That happens for me a lot. Like when people will meet me in real life, they're like, wow, you're funny. Or like you're more of like a knucklehead than I thought. You know, people think they see you one way and again there's. It's nobody's fault. It's just perception or lack of information.

Right.

And so for me, I got to really see Pete and he's a wonderful person and gosh, his personal story is so beautiful and inspiring and I had never seen that on his stuff. Right? So like, I felt so much more connected to him. I'm so much more of a champion for him now because I got to see the real side of him and of course I told him that and I spoke that into him. So always take the time to speak, you know, your truth and beliefs and encouragement into others. So his talk was incredible. And I won't go into the whole thing because I want you to watch it, but it really was very powerful, very emotional and, and the concept really of his talk, and I don't remember the exact name because you're not allowed to video like, you know, again, it's all private until it comes out live on TedX. But the concept of his talk is so cool and so powerful and so applicable to you and I hope it's going to help you. It helped me. Gosh, it spoke to me yesterday. It was so freaking cool. But it's basically like when life doesn't go as planned. Okay, can you believe that I was hearing this on that Saturday morning where my life didn't go as planned and you kind of feel like you've been punched in the face, didn't go the way you wanted? That was me. He walks you through this five step process to flip it when things don't go right and you feel, well, you think they didn't go right. But I always go back to I got fired and yeah, I thought it didn't go right and I wouldn't be sitting here with you today if I hadn't been fired. Right? So that rejection is oftentimes the biggest redirection to something so much greater. It's just hard to get that in the moment. Right. Okay. But this is what Pete's talk was all about. So cool, so good. And he does such a great job. Such, such a nice person. Meet a different guest each week.

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I asked you to try to find your passion. Okay, so things didn't go as planned. You feel like you've been punched in the face. This happens most often with health, relationships and wealth. So he went into the example of relationships in his life. That was the example he used to really illustrate his points. And it's beautifully done. It is not long. I can't wait for you to check it out, but I'm gonna go through each one. And so I was applying this back to my life as he was speaking. Right? Number one, gratitude during tough times. Yes. Preach my friend. Yes. Like this is I was given that blessing to feel grateful because my friend had asked me for help. I happened to show up for that event that day and I was there helping people and I felt overwhelming gratitude that shifted me out of that negative headspace. I was in practice. Gratitude number two, your mind will try to trick you. Just be aware of it. And that was helpful. I wasn't thinking that way. When you start downward spiraling like I was, your mind's playing tricks on you, acting like it's the end of the world when you know it actually isn't right. Like, but you have to pump the brakes, pause, get yourself out of there, get to a place of gratitude. Okay, Realize your mind's tricking you. Number three, community matters for me, I got to step into community. When I saw my ballet guy, when I went to this event and saw my friend, when I hung with Pete and we called our friends the Gordons and like, I was in community all of a sudden, right? So I'm feeling better. Get around good people. So important. Number four, power of the tongue. Life and death. This is so powerful. This is in the Bible. The words you speak over yourself, your loved ones, your people, and most importantly to yourself have power beyond what you can imagine. Speak life and positivity and belief and hope and prayer into everything you do and cut the people that are speaking the negativity, right? Life and death, the power of the tongue. Don't ever underestimate that. And that's why go back to fire your villains, get negative people out of your life. It's so, so critical, right? Surround yourself with positive people that stretch you to grow. Speak life and belief and encouragement into you and do the same for others. Number five, dream big. You know, stop and say, I'm thinking too small. I need to go back to, like, what are my big dreams? What is that vision for my future I really want? And so his talk for me, gosh, it was so helpful. I'm so grateful for it. I can't wait for you guys to hear it and support him. It's amazing. And it's gonna help you too. So wild, wild weekend turned out so incredible. And I wanted to read something to you. An email that was sent to me this weekend. Let's see. Oh, wait, it was yesterday. This is so funny. I got this right as I was going through this news that I didn't want, right? Which ended up being a complete blessing in disguise because I had the most incredible day. And, you know, and it taught me that I can bounce back from anything that I perceive as negative much faster than I thought I could. Okay, so if you haven't checked out my website yet, heathermonahan.com I've got a 30 and 60 day accountability partner program. It's free. And so you get an email from me every day. I'll read it to you. But what's cool is someone who had signed up for my email sent me a thank you, which that doesn't really happen very often, believe it or not. And it said, hey, Heather, thank you for this. I did the gratitude list. I imagined myself without the things I am currently grateful for, and it made me even more grateful for them. Wow, I'm going To read that again, it's powerful. I imagined myself without the things that I am grateful for and it made me even more grateful. Right? So take a moment right now to write down three things you're really grateful for in life and imagine if you didn't have those things and then re embrace that you actually do have them. Like, this is a reason to celebrate life. Right? This is a reason to, gosh, be so grateful. Okay, so here's an example. This is my day two accountability partner. I'm gonna read you the email and I promise I'll let you go. Okay? Hi. I hope you're off to a great start. Staying focused on your goal of building your confidence because I can promise you that I am true story. Always. What are the three things that you're grateful for today? They do not need to be big things. They can be small as like the sun in the sky or the fact that you're breathing. But name three things right now and let's start shifting your perspective from scarcity to abundance.

Ooh, power.

When you practice gratitude daily, within one week, you will feel a shift. For me, it's immediate. Force yourself to write down three things you're grateful for today. No matter how small, what you put out into the world is what will come back to you. And gratitude is an amazing place to start. At times when I focused on what I didn't have, that was me. Yesterday morning, I stayed in a negative place. When I trained myself to write down three things a day that I'm grateful for, my thoughts began to shift. When you are thinking about positive things, positive opportunities come into your life. When you start vibing high, good things start coming. Why not try this? Why not make this your discipline? What is the worst that can happen? So much can happen in 30 days. I need you to stay focused on your goal and where you are going to be as we count down your new confidence. Getting ready to cross off day two. One day closer to your goal and the image of you rocking massive confidence on day 30. Thank you for upholding your commitment to build confidence. I am proud of you. And I am proud of me too, Heather. AKA your confidence creator partner. I love that. Right? So check it out. It's my free email accountability program. It's@heathermonahan.com 30 day accountability program. Okay, so I hope that that crazy overview of the last 24 hours of my life helps you in some way. For anyone that's struggling or in it like I was yesterday morning, think about those steps. Gratitude. Your mind's gonna try to trick you. Don't believe it.

Community matters.

Turn to your community. The power of the tongue. What are you speaking into yourself right now? And the importance of dreaming big. Right? Think bigger. Think bigger of, like, the vision that you have for your future. And those are Pete steps from Pete Vargas TEDx talk, which will be coming out soon. You can check out TEDxBoca Raton or you can follow Pete on social media. I promise you, you're gonna love it. I love the talk. I thought it was so, so good. And I'm so grateful that I was there. So grateful that everything happened the way that it did. Isn't that crazy? In 24 hours, everything can be so completely different. Okay, we are down to the wire. There are only two weeks left to apply for my mastermind. One time a year, I put together an amazing elite group of people that want to go to the next level, that have a message within them that they want the world to hear, that want to amplify their brand. They want to come forward. They know they're meant for more, and they're ready to. To go for it. This is the only way to work with me, literally, like, real me in person on zoom all year long. I don't do it any other way. Right. So this is one and done. A couple people sent me messages. I'll try. I want to do it in September. No, the door is open right now. It is closing in two weeks and then you will not be able to get in. You'll have to go on a wait list for the next year for 2025. So get in now. If this is you, we have incredible people that are on this team. It's an incredible tribe. The ch changes, the life changes I've seen in my tribe that we're wrapping up right now. This week is our final in person event for my last year's Mastermind. I can't even tell you. Multiple people landed. Tedx talks. I've got. You know, one guy's writing a book, which I never thought he would. He launched a podcast, launched a major personal brand. All in the last year. One woman left her spouse, quit her job, stepped into her purpose and passion, like, is living her best life. I mean, I can't even. It's insane, the change that has happened. And it's really because when you're in a tribe of people committed to going to the next level, encouraging one another, working together, I'm giving you all the hacks and tips and contacts I have to do anything that I've done. Magic starts happening. So if you haven't applied yet, apply. I'll put the link in the show notes below but would love if this is something that you think you know what I've been meaning to go to the next level. I know I need to do something. I know what I've been doing hasn't been working. This is a sign. Apply now. My team will reach out if you are a fit and I would love for you to join this ride because I will tell you, change, impact and magic are guaranteed. That's what I've seen in the last year and there's no doubt in my mind it won't be the same or bigger this time. Let's go bigger. Until next week. Keep creating your confidence. You know I will be I decided to change change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.