#429: Why Worrying IS NOT Worth It with Heather!

Come on this journey with me each week. When you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seatbelts. I'm ready for my close up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me this week. Okay, this is a wild story, totally unexpected. All right, let me start here. You got to get excited about life because you just never know what is going to happen next. Truly, life is so wild, and I hope you're so anticipating and looking forward to amazing things happening and unfolding in your life, because I'm living it. I am so living it. And listen, it doesn't mean that it always seems good in every moment. Oh, no, not at all. And actually, that's a story that I want to tell you about today. So, in my personal life, you know, I am currently single and a lot of my friends set me up on dates. And, you know, I have amazing friends and super grateful for that. But anyhow, there's a certain pressure when you get set up on a date through a friend because, you know, you want to do right by your friends. And anyhow, this last week, I had a date that a friend of mine had set me up on. Now, I talk so much about not giving people power over you, you know, not reacting to what other people say or do and really giving yourself grace and owning your own power. However, somehow I forgot that this week, which is so crazy because I'm constantly talking to everybody else about this. I needed my own advice, and I don't know where it was. Well, here's the backstory. I got very, very nervous to tell somebody that I didn't have a romantic connection with them. I don't know why I got like this. I didn't want to hurt somebody's feelings, right? Because I just thought to myself that I would be sad if I liked somebody and they didn't like me in that way. Way. I. I feel like that would stink, right? So I worried about this for days. It was ridiculous. I mean, so my message for you is this. Whatever you're worrying about right now, please stop. There is no point in it. It's like walking around with an umbrella open with the chance that it may rain at some point in time. It makes no sense, right? Like, it just. It makes zero sense. My point is this. I was worrying for nothing. It's crazy how much I worried. I had so many calls about how I could handle it and what was the right words to use. And it was so ridiculous. Oh my gosh. I can't even believe I went through all this. All right, please do not worry. Please put your worries down. Set them aside. You are concerning yourself with something that we don't even know if it will exist or not. And the reason why I'm sharing this with you is because I was so wrong. In my mind, I thought this was gonna be this horrible discussion and this person was going to be so heartbroken and upset and there was going to be backlash with my friend. That's what I had created in my mind. Completely not true, right? We cannot determine how somebody else will respond or react to anything. It's not within our power or our control. So we need to just expect the best. Expect that things are going to go great and be open minded to whatever wonderful situation could occur. Meet a different guest each week.

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I asked you to try to find your passion and what's funny is the person that I'm talking about here, who's an incredible human, just a wonderful, amazing man. It was funny, the day before I was going to meet him, I said, oh, are you going to be nervous to meet me? You know the crazy things I say. And he said, no, why would I be nervous? I'm like, come on, you're definitely going to be nervous. And it was so funny. He said, no, I don't get nervous to meet anybody. I said, yeah, right, you don't get nervous ever. And he said, no, never. And I said, well, explain to me how that is, because I get nervous for things. And he said, basically everything is always working out for me. It always pretty much does for the most part. So whatever situation I'm going into, I know it's gonna end up great. And he said, if you're saying or suggesting that, you know, maybe Heather, you're not gonna like me and I should be nervous. He said, one, I would just assume that you would like me because I'm a great person and a wonderful person. He said, but if you didn't like me, it wouldn't impact who I am or how I feel about myself. It would just mean that we're not the right fit for one another. And I just thought that was such a good attitude, right? Like, take that idea oftentimes myself included, I put tons of pressure on myself. You know, I get nervous that I want to be at my best or I want to nail this speech, or I want this person to fall for me, or I want this situation to go this way. The reality is we cannot control other people. And the more we take this gentleman's attitude, which is basically, I'm going to show up as the best version of me possible, I'm going to expect that things are going to go amazing, because they usually do. And if for some reason that person doesn't connect with me the same way that I thought they would, it's a gift, because that person is not meant for me. That attitude and that perspective is so powerful and so spot on.

Right? And.

And I don't always take that, and I want to remind myself to do it, and that's why I'm sharing it with you today, is to help myself. Because I so need this message that I need to let go of planning how somebody else is going to react. You know, giving this idea that I know better than they know how they're going to react. So here's the bottom line. After all this worrying, so many phone calls, I met with somebody about this. I mean, it's crazy. The amount of time, effort and energy that went into, you know, me thinking about how this was all gonna go and worrying about this other person. Bottom line is this. After days of worrying, I get on a phone call with this wonderful person, and the first thing he says to me is, hey, listen, I have a feeling you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you. And I just wanna open it up. And he said, like, the nicest things in the world about me.

Just.

It was such a class act. And then went on to say, but I'd like to be friends with you. You know, if that's the case, that's okay. We're not meant to be together. But you know what? I'd still like to be friends with you and have a friendship. I had sat around for days worrying, like, literally. It was stressing me out. I was so worried. Cause I had decided how he was gonna react. I had decided that he was gonna be upset. I had decided all this insanity that wasn't true. We never can decide for somebody else how they're gonna feel. We never can anticipate or forecast what's going to happen because we're not in control of the other person. And here this guy was this complete class act. I had gone on worrying for days about a situation that I made up in my mind, it didn't exist. So please put your worries down. And I'm reminding myself of that too. I cannot worry. I cannot forecast the outcome. All I can do is show up as the best version of myself and anticipate that things are going to go amazing, whatever that may be.

But.

But knowing I have zero control over it. So I am so taking a page out of this man's playbook. He also went on to say, you know, I was so grateful. I was just going crazy telling him how wonderful he was and how thankful I was, how he handled everything and completely different than what I had expected. 180 I was so, so wrong. And when he explained to me, he said, listen, here's the thing. He said, when you go into any situation, you can't put put expectations on somebody else. You can't plan for how they're gonna respond and you can't put your self worth in the hands of that person either. He said, if I'm gonna put my self worth in whether Heather Monahan likes me or not, I'm gonna have big problems in my life. He said, because I'm giving you all.

The power over me.

And he said, and I'll ultimately resent you for that. He said, so I don't get upset if you don't like me in that way. He said, it doesn't impact me in that way because I know my self worth comes from me and it isn't in a response to how somebody else reacts to me or if they want to be in a relationship with me. He said, that is completely separate. It has nothing to do with who I am and how I feel about myself. That's true. Confidence, right? Is not, you know, getting attached to these outcomes and not getting attached to how somebody responds to you, but instead just showing up as that best version of yourself and anticipating and expecting things are going to go amazing because they usually do. And letting go of what the outcome is and knowing that it's all working out for your highest good. I just loved that. I thought it was so, so beautiful. And I'm obsessed with the way this guy handled it. It was so cool and I was so wrong. So whatever, you know, expectations you have or perspective you have that you're like pre planning for for somebody else, let it go. You never know how somebody else is going to react, show up or respond to something just because you think you know, you could be very, very, very wrong. Just like I was. So huge learning lesson this week and big reminder that worry is not worth it. It just isn't. I sat around and worried for days, planning for something that didn't exist, that I had made up in my mind. So we cannot decide how other people feel. We cannot choose to know how they're gonna feel. All we can do is ask them how they feel, right? And open that door and open that dialogue and expect that the best outcome will be there. And it really, truly was. So I'm so grateful for that experience. Another incredible experience I had this week was it was the end of my Mastermind. So last year, In May of 2023, I launched my first ever Mastermind. And the last year has been incredible. I've gotten to know these people so well. It's literally like, it's been so amazing to run with a team of like minded people for one year, all working towards going to the next level. The transition and changes that I've seen in each one of their individual lives has been nothing short of spectacular because again, you commit to being a part of a team of people pushing each other to go to the next level, encouraging one another and helping one another grow. One of the things that we do is we have two in person meetings. Our last in person meeting was this week. And so I got the chance to be with all these people in person, everybody that could make it. And I actually brought everybody to my speaker trainer and, and she's incredible. And she got everybody up on stage and to see how much better they were now than they were one year ago was shocking. Literally nothing short of shocking. It was incredible and it was so exciting to see and I was just, I was super proud of everybody. You know, they put themselves out there, they pushed themselves, they've challenged themselves and they wrote down their, you know, when people join my Mastermind, they have to fill out an onboarding form which is all about like what their very specific goals are and where they're falling short and like what's been holding them back and, and what is their big picture vision for one year from now. And, and it was just so cool to see how far they had come, how much more they had achieved than versus what they'd even expected or anticipated for themselves. One gentleman, he had owned his own company and he was kind of a monotone speaker. And he pushed himself and we really pushed him to challenge this idea that he needed to become more animated, he needed to lean into his personality, he needed to lean into his why. And when he did that, he really let go of this, you know, kind of just monotone Persona that he would take on when he would speak and to see his personality come out, it was incredible to see. And also over the last year, he launched a personal brand, he launched a podcast, he launched a new company, he's writing a book, he landed his TED talk, right? Like he, he's done so many incredible things in the last year, and it's just been so fun to be a witness to all of that and be a part of that. I just felt so, so grateful. Another woman left her marriage, left her job, you know, started her own company, has been stepping onto the biggest stages of her life, speaking up for herself, you know, has stopped apologizing, right? Like all of these transitions, another woman quit her job that was a toxic work environment and joined a new startup and is invigorated and excited. And the positive changes that I've seen in these people's lives is nothing short of spectacular. And I'm just so grateful to witness it and be a part of it. It's that time of year again.

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I asked you to try to find your passion and I'll tell you for me, I don't know if I would have gone to Saudi Arabia had I not been a part of this mastermind because I knew I had to lead by example. And if you're not stepping into fear and you're not stepping into growth on the regular, then who are you? How can you be a part of a team that's all about going to the next level? So I'm So grateful to this Mastermind for the gifts I was given to watch their growth, but then to also step into mine and push myself because, you know, I was definitely nervous about going to Saudi Arabia and yet again, worry is not worth it, right? So I was sitting around worrying about going to Saudi Arabia and the reality is I had the most incredible experience. I mean it was definitely top five best experiences of my life. And that would have never happened if I hadn't chosen to step into fear and it probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been a part of this Mastermind and, and it ended up being the biggest blessing and gift and one of my Mastermind attendees actually came with me and so she got to be a guest of the ministry in Saudi Arabia. I mean, we had the most spectacular life changing experience and none of that would have happened if it hadn't been for this Mastermind. So if you haven't checked out my Mastermind, the link is in the show notes, you gotta check it out. It's one year, all of us working together. It is an incredible experience. You meet incredible humans who are all like minded, challenging and pushing themselves to grow, stepping into fear on the daily and making the world a better place. You know, doing something, sharing their message and giving back and helping others and making their why huge and so powerful. And it was just, it was so great to see this group come together and wrap this year up. And now we're looking forward to launching this new mastermind in two more weeks. So if you haven't applied yet, apply now. You need to share your message. You need to be ready to go to the next level. You need to step into fear and you need to know that you're going to be doing it with me because this is the only program that I do which is one year in length. It is the way to work with me and I can't wait for you to be a part of it if it's the right fit for you. So click the link in the show notes, someone from my team will get ahold of you, we will set up a call, answer all of your questions and I'll see you on the other side of a year of massive transformation and growth. And I'm just feeling so, so grateful for it. What are you grateful for today? What are you looking forward to today? I know, I'm so looking forward to Memorial Day weekend and having all my friends in town and incredible stuff. So figure out what can you be grateful for today? I'm super grateful for wrapping up this last mastermind these incredible people. I spent the last year with many so, so grateful for them and so grateful that they challenged themselves and the growth that they've achieved. And I'm so looking forward to Memorial Day weekend. What are you looking forward to? It's a huge perspective shift when you start focusing on gratitude and what you're looking forward to. It puts you in such a positive mindset. So hoping that you're having an amazing day today, hoping that you can let go of worry because it's so not worth it, as I was reminded yet again this week. All right, until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. Come on this journey with me.