#7: Show People What They Want That They Don't Know They Want with Ryan Serhant

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Each week when you join me here, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Come on this journey with me. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you so much for coming back each week. I love that you are on this journey with in order to stay open and prepared for new possibilities, it's so important that we keep learning and developing and bettering ourselves. That's what the Great Courses plus is all about. I love this streaming service founded on the idea that education should be accessible to everyone. They make it possible to learn from the brightest minds out there. Most of us would never get the chance to have access to these people. They have professors from the best universities in the world like Harvard. We oh by the way, did I mention I taught a class at Harvard as well? Yes, facts, okay. But not only Harvard, they have teachers from Yale, Stanford, experts from National Geographic and the Smithsonian. 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Go now and get your free month. You can say thank You. So this week has been kind of interesting. First of all, I had an event scheduled in New York City that I had been working on in conjunction with a number of different people, one being a magazine that was basically underwriting the entire event. Now take it back a month ago. And one of the women that was another speaker in the event with me reached out to me privately and said, hey, I'm seeing some red flags here. I don't know, I feel like we should potentially pull out of this event and reorg before we launch and maybe, you know, do our own event just privately with us. And what's interesting is this. I saw all the same red flags she saw. However, and this is a big epiphany for me right now is I selfishly was going to get some benefit from working with these people underwriting the event. And I wanted that benefit. So I decided to look beyond the issues which were glaringly obvious. And I sold this woman on how I was going to fix it. I said, I will put expectations in writing, I will lead a call, we'll all get on it, I'll take care of this. I agree with you. There are some issues, I believe, however, we can work through them and I'm happy to jump on top of this and manage it myself. Fast forward to weeks later and she was right. Those red flags materialized and the magazine canceled the event somewhat last minute, which was awful as we had a number of people who had purchased tickets and people who had purchased non refundable airfare to New York City to go to this event. So it ended up being really embarrassing. And, and also, you know, I hated that other people were spending money and they got refunded their tickets but they couldn't get refunded on their flights and it was just a mess. So not a good business venture. A colossal waste of time and egg on our face. So of course I wasn't going to cancel my trip to New York. I decided in that moment, okay, the whole reason I was going was for this. But now I'm going to start dialing and I'm going to schedule a bunch of gu. Believe in doing everything face to face. This gives me a great pool of potential people I can interview in New York City. I'm going to start dialing everyone I know and see who I can secure within that two day window when I'm in New York. And I get a lot of no's because timing is everything and people might not be in town. I had someone huge cancel on me last minute because he had to make it for a Raptors game in the finals. And he got tickets right at the last minute. And then I had secured a supermodel and a massive Instagram influencer, and I was so excited to interview them as soon as I landed. And wouldn't you know, LaGuardia shut down as I was flying in. So I got to circle for a couple of hours looking at LaGuardia, knowing I couldn't land, and knowing I was missing those two huge interviews that I had secured. This is just a day in the life. So when you feel like you're taking hits, know that I am right there with you taking those hits. And it doesn't mean I'm going to give up and not try to get those two back on the show. However, it does become challenging when you are the reason why you cancel. You ask someone to make themselves available for you, they agree graciously. It's not like I'm paying them right. And then you cancel on them last minute. So that was really disappointing. And by the time I got into New York, it was raining sideways and just, ugh, a brutal night and a colossal waste of one day. Nothing was accomplished other than I read my next guest book on the plane. So that was kind of good. And it was a good book, by the way, especially for anyone who has interest in sales. It's really phenomenal. So I want to share, kind of behind the scenes, some of the things that I'm dealing with as I go and hopefully some things I can teach you that I'm learning. Like when you see red flags in partnerships, that is an indicator to walk away way no matter what your benefit is. Letting go of that selfishness. I wish I had done that. I learned now, moving forward, when I see a red flag with someone, that's it. I'm off my way because it's just not worth the risk of partnering with someone when you're really putting your name on something that's not worth tarnishing. So moving forward, I'm definitely gonna look at things differently and red flags will be my cue to peace out. And I will continue to build pipelines of potential guests so that I can have people in, in and ready in different cities and try to organize things that way. So whether I'm in la, I have a pool of people I can reach out to and talk to, or New York and just staying organized and saving different file folders on my computer. So depending on the city and the opportunity, I can quickly look in with phone numbers, emails, and reach out and follow back up with those people. So that's one of the things I've learned now in podcasting is it's really key to have, you know, a number of different people. But by, for me is what works best because I so believe in the face to face. It's really critical for me in business and in podcasting and just in life to be able to sit across from someone. So while I was in New York, it's funny, I had a number of people DM me and say, hey Heather, I'm gonna be in New York anyways, because I bought a ticket for your event. Sadly, there is now no event. So one woman, I really felt badly. I had heard from her and so I said, well, you can stop and, and meet me and you know, you never know who you're gonna meet. But I really felt a sense of obligation since I had been pushing this and promoting it on social media and this person had bought a flight and left her family. So she ends up meeting me and she seemed completely nice and normal and I said, well, why don't you just join me and you can sit in while I record some of my guests today. So it ended up being a great experience. I was super appreciative of her support and understanding and I think it was pretty cool for her to get to sit behind the scenes and see that we were sitting in a suite in New York City recording with a very successful author and then me explaining to her that I then upload that file via. We transfer back to Podcast One headquarters in la. I'll then fly home, which is I'm in Miami now, and I'll record my intro for the show and then record my my end and wrap up of the show and send that all out to LA as well. And then my producer will go ahead and marry everything together, edit it, make sure it sounds great, and then upload different commercials, et cetera, in to make the show a finished product. So we all see things as a finished product. But it is kind of interesting sometimes to see what goes into it and the amount of travel and the amount of work that we want people to not have to recognize. It's good sometimes to understand there's a lot more that goes into what then what meets the eye on the outside in anything for that matter. So my guest today is Ryan Serhant and if you haven't read his book, you definitely need to check it out. It's really a fantastic one. But one of the things that's interesting to me, Ryan is, you know, very well known. His TV show is on Bravo. He's a best selling author. He's selling millions or if not billions of dollars of real estate in New York and now has opened up offices across the country. He is painfully young. I mean, this guy has achieved massive success at a very young age. And getting the chance to sit with him, learn about his story, and see how his background was really in acting, and that was his passion. Connecting the dots now and looking at it. He wasn't able to make money acting at a young age, so he got into real estate sales. Starting out renting apartments for a very small dollar amount, but not giving up on that and continuing to raise the bar small increments, 3,000amonth to 4,000amonth to finally a renter. He flipped into a potential buyer and then he sold them a property. And then he just kept moving up and, and raising that bar on himself, setting higher and higher goals. So today I sit here, I'm back in Miami now, and I'm excited for you to meet Ryan and hear our conversation. But I want to share with you how I raise those, raise that bar, and raise my goals in a similar way. I started off podcasting a month ago. My show has been out now for one month. And the importance of that is when I started the show, whenever I start anything, I want to know what does success look like? Right? We have to qualify that. I want to be able to see it. I want to have a vision of what success for me, for the show, for the audience is. And the first number that someone on my team shot at me was just focus on getting to 30,000 downloads. Heather, that's great. Okay, That's a great starting point. Well, I always want to go bigger and think bigger, and I want. I challenge you to do that same thing. So to me, I knew in the back of my mind, I need to at least get to a million downloads to know that I'm reaching enough people. I'm doing, you know, I'm doing enough. And so I wanted to do that within the first year. So I sort of thought in the back of my mind, well, I guess, you know, essentially if I'm at 100,000amonth, that's 1.2 million in a year. Okay, that could be a good target. In the back of my mind, that was my target. That was my goal. I did not know how I would get there. I have never done this before, as you know. So I just thought little by little, you know, each day I'll focus on different tasks and promotions and, you know, I'll be strategic in who my guests are. I'll be hopeful they post about it because obviously that's out of my control. But I will ask for them to post about it. I will ask my circle of influence for their help. You know, I'll do all the things that I can within my control. I'll respond to every DM and every message asking people to rate and review my show because I knew that would help. And then, you know, at some point, you have to turn it over to that vision and that goal and then hope you created a strong enough product. Because if your product's not good, nothing else really matters. So I took all those steps and what was so cool coming back from New York this week and getting home was I turned my computer on to record for these shows that are coming up and I looked at my. I have a dashboard. And it's so important, whatever your business is, that you have some type of dashboard. You can look at your analytics very quickly and reference them just to gauge where you are versus where you want to be. And I looked and it said 1001000 downloads this month. And so here we are, you know, closing out a month. My first show launched May 14th and, and today I'm sitting here, it's June 14th, while I record this and we are over. Now we're at 106,000 downloads. And I just want to say thank you so much to every single one of you for being here with me for subscribing, rating and reviewing. I'm so grateful, you can't even imagine. Oh my gosh, I'll cry. Okay, get it together, Heather. So you know those little baby steps and taking those steps and then setting that bar higher for myself and envisioning that goal and focusing on what I know is the potential. So now for me, like Ryan did in his career and his life, you know, you keep taking those steps and then you see that evidence of success. Success begets success. And now I need to go to that next level. So I don't want to wait for a 12 month window to get to million. I've got to raise the bar on me and I want to hit 1 million by the end of 2019. I need your help to do that. So please share the podcast with your friends. If you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe, rate and review. It helps me so much and really helps to differentiate the show because what I found and I just learned this is when we get into subscribers, ratings and reviews, the algorithm on Apple podcast is affected by that so the more reviews and ratings I get, it auto populates my show to the top and then someone who's just scrolling around on Apple podcasts gets served up my show and my show is on the business new and noteworthy and on the top charts. All those things help drive new listening. So I'm learning a lot as I go through this. Whatever your business is, open your mind to that. There's other ways that you might not be aware of that you can get to that next level. But we've got to first envision ourselves there and know that we can push ourselves to really make that, that jump and that leap. So today when I sit with Ryan and you're about to hear that he, there's something interesting that happened, I want to share this with you. And these are the things you don't see, which is, it's kind of crazy. The reason why I believe so much in face to face and the importance of going face to face for anything is you get insight you would not you would never be able to access. I walked in to my appointment with Ryan ready to record, excited to meet him. I had never met him before. I got this opportunity through a mutual friend of ours who was able to nice enough to extend me the opportunity to introduce me to him. I put in an ask for him to come on the show. I invited him to come to my event for free. I told him I'd buy him and his staff tickets, you know, trying to bring value to them in exchange for his time. He said they couldn't make the event, thank goodness, because the event got canceled. But however it ended up being great. He said, yes, sure, come on in. And it worked out. So I walk into the office, his door is open, and as I'm standing there waiting for him, I hear him in real time losing a massive deal, millions of dollars. So as you can imagine, he's not in the best mindset walking out of that and having to walk in to meet a woman he doesn't know and record yet again, another show that he's going to be on when he has Bravo coming in that afternoon to follow him around for his million dollar real estate show on Bravo. So he seemed tense, he seemed really focused, laser focused and almost preoccupied with what I'm sure he was thinking about in his mind, what went wrong, how did he lose the deal, why, you know, all the the that we have when something doesn't go our way. And that's the minute I'm catching him in. Yikes. Not the best moment, but here's What I want to share with you so that you can use this in your life. When I've gone face to face before in the past, in my old job, or in any situation in my life, and I face someone who's preoccupied, upset, angered, and it has nothing to do with me, it's so great to be there in real time because you have that realization. This isn't about me. This is about him and the deal he just lost. Now, for me to get what I want, which is the best show possible to bring you a lot of value, to get him to reveal things about himself and be his most authentic, open self, I've got to help get him out of this negative mindset or preoccupied mindset and let go of thinking about that deal and instead become present with me in this moment here. So one of the ways that I've learned to do this over time is when I can elicit emotion or get someone to pull on a memory. I mean, it could be something as simple as bringing up a song that someone might have liked when they were in middle school or high school. Or maybe it's a scent or a smell or an experience. Maybe I bring up something from his book about the time he was going to Greece to get married. Somehow the goal for me, when I see someone preoccupied or upset and I want to take them out of that, that, that mindset, I bring up something that will elicit emotion. Typically, if you can get someone to start pulling on a memory, they have to let go of that negative situation to shift to the memory. And once they can get there, they'll get emotional around that. And that really was my goal today. You're gonna hear on the show. I don't know if you're gonna think I did it successfully or not, but I can't wait to hear what you think because Ryan was definitely in a pinch and he was crystal clear with me. Heather, we have to be done by 10. So I think you'll hear I wrap up really quick because all of a sudden I looked at my computer and it was 9:57 and I did not want to not respect his time. So I do a really quick wrap up with him. But of course you'll hear hear me as soon as we finish and we can talk more about it then. But I think that Ryan brings a lot of value. He's an amazing salesperson and he's going to share a couple of techniques and strategies that I love from his book that I think you'll glean some major great information from because we are all in sales. You don't have to have a sales position to learn sales. In fact, and I've shared this so many times, being an author isn't only about writing. Being an author is about writing a book and then selling it. No matter what your job, no matter what role you're in, you're either being sold or you're selling others. So here's some great tips from Ryan, and I can't wait to hear what you think.

Okay.

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Alright, so I'm so excited for everyone to meet right now. Ryan Serhant, who I just consumed his audiobook yesterday when I was flying to New York which took essentially as long as it takes to fly to la. Thank God for the great rain. Alright, so for those of you who are living under a rock and don't know Ryan yet, I am going to introduce you to the number one best selling author, producer, star of Bravo's two time Emmy nominated reality television series Million Dollar Listing New York, which I consumed a lot of those shows as well. It's super good. He's got an amazing vlog up on YouTube. He is bi coastal now. He's really start to expand his brand and company and has offices now all over the country. His team consists of more than 60 experienced agents. They're doing billions of dollars in sales. This guy is and he's a baby. First of all, he's way younger than me, which is annoying, but we'll get into all that. He, you know, sell it like Sirhan is really the step by step process on how anyone can be an exceptional seller. And Ryan's kind enough to make time for us today because this guy is ready, set, go, just like his father and he's gonna walk us through how he does it all and makes it happen. So Ryan, thank you so much for being with me today.

Thanks for coming to Soho.

Oh my gosh, I never come to Soho.

Really?

Never?

How often are you in New York?

I'm In New York as often as I need to be.

Okay.

You know, I. You have an office in Miami now?

Yeah, we have an office in Miami, an office in la and got relationships all over the place. So Miami's good. A lot of our clients actually are moving to Florida because of the taxes. So we've been going to Miami a lot more recently just because it's too expensive tax wise to stay in New York City if you don't absolutely have to. Like, I can't move to Miami because I'm a real estate broker in New York.

Right.

And like, my feet have to be here on the ground in New York City. But a lot of people these days, if they work in tech or. Or some sort of gig economy job, like, they don't have to pay this massive New York City tax and deal with everything. So Florida's a good spot for them.

It can get a little expensive. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

New York is expensive.

So I'm coming at you with my number one question. I ask all of my guests. You don't know what it is, and you look nervous. I like that. Okay. So my show is all about confidence creation. Give me one time in your life when your confidence was really at its lowest.

Oh, man. Like every day probably.

No, I want. I need specific. There's got to be one time. Maybe it was when you guys were trying to get pregnant. Maybe it was when you couldn't get the flipping visa to go to China. Like, there's got to be a time.

No, you know what? Honestly, like, it's hard for me to think about that in relation to work. Like, my confidence was at its lowest probably when I was like a sophomore in high school and I was like, nice and chubby. I was, like, riddled with acne. I was terrible at everything. And a girl that I really, really liked, like, said she was gonna date me, but then broke up with me publicly in front of, like, all the lacrosse players. Because I went to school in Boston. You have a lot of lacrosse players there. And it, like, was the worst moment ever. And I will never forget that. It's probably when my confidence was by far the lowest.

Okay.

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This is. So you just gave me a Gary Bism. Gary said the same thing when I asked him when his confidence was the lowest. It was dating girls and being a teen tween. So that's interesting that guys have those moments, too. All right, so I will take that because it's embarrassing.

There's nothing you can do. Like, there's like, you know, getting our visa denied to go to China to then lose that deal. Like, sucked, but it didn't hurt my, like, confidence. Like, the same thing with trying to have the baby, like, trying to get pregnant. It sucked. It was depressing. It was sad. But, like, we stayed confident that we could make it happen. When you're a young boy, right. And girls hold all the power, like, it's tough because, like, they'll. And they'll be neat. Like, girls are like that movie Mean girls is real. Like those especially in high school, especially in the east coast, you know, like, girls are mean and, you know, I don't know. I have no idea. So, yeah. So me and Gary Vee have spent our entire lives now trying to make up for those embarrassing moments. That's literally what I do every day to try to be more confident. As a boy.

I grew up in Worcester, Mass. Okay, so I'm your. I'm your mean girl from New England. But no, I wasn't mean.

Where'd you go to high school?

Worcester Academy.

Okay. So I went to Pingree in South Hamilton, and a lot of my friends were in Worcester. A lot of my friends were in Worcester, Gloucester and all those. Yeah, there's a lot of my. That's who I grew up with.

All right, so that's where we get our work ethic from. Is from New England.

Yeah, yeah. Do or die.

Definitely. All right, so I want to talk a little bit about. I personally believe everyone is in sales.

Sure.

And reading your book. Sell it like. Or sell it like Sarhan is really a Bible. And a step by step on how people can sell, whether it be real estate, selling your husband on why you want to go out to dinner tonight or whatever it is for you. What do you think Those keys are. And the basis, you know, makes someone a great seller.

I mean, I kind of taking it back to the girl thing, like selling for me, when I got into the business business, and I didn't think I was a salesperson whatsoever. I just sort of.

You were an actor?

Yeah, I was an actor and I was not doing so well at it and I couldn't make money. So I was trying to figure out, like, what could I do that didn't require me to go back to school or require me to do some sort of service based job. Like I didn't want to be a waiter or be a bartender and I wanted to stay in New York City because I knew if I left New York City then I would just never come back. Right. It's just too expensive, it's too hard. Like life is easier in Colorado or my parents. So I, you know, I looked at selling really kind of like dating. Like every time I meet somebody and I want to sell them something, it's really just a first date. So like, you know, if you meet somebody for a first date at a bar, let's say, and you walk in and you sit down with that person and you're like, hey, you look great. You want to come home with me? Like, that probably isn't gonna work. It's really aggressive, right? But most people, when they think sales and they think I'm a salesperson, I deal with this all the time with people who work for me. Like they go into showings of apartments or they, when I did the saltwater show on Bravo, like they're trying to sell something. Like, hey, we have a two for one special. You ready? You want to do this? Like they don't, they don't, they don't connect the two, but it's the same thing. It's too aggressive. Like they don't take the time to get to know the customer, to ask them questions, to listen to their wants, to listen to their needs, to give them compliments, to create like a short term friend, right? That maybe one day can turn into a long term friend. Because people love shopping with friends, but they hate being sold, right? That's really, really, really important. And so I've always related selling anything to first dates because they are the exact same thing. The way someone is going to be sold on buying shoes is the same way someone's getting to be sold on buying that second drink.

This is so funny. So the selling shoes is part of your book. You were talking about buying the product, remember? I'm more familiar with your book right now than you are. You're like, oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

I did write about that.

You wrote a book?

Yeah, yeah.

And it was a great salesperson. And the lesson I took from that, and I've been in sales longer than you've been alive, so I really. It resonated with me. The salesperson took you to a place far outside of your potential expenditure. You know your limits. You couldn't afford this. She was $850. However, what that person did for you got you so excited about something that when they back you down to 450, even though you only intended to spend 250, it now seemed reasonable.

Yeah. Now seems like a good deal.

Great tactic.

Yeah, of course.

So now do you implement that when you're showing people homes?

Yeah, the wow moment all day long. It's because you need to show people relative value no matter what it is you're selling or, you know, it's same thing. Like, I talk to reporters all the time. And because I do a lot of PR for the real estate and so stuff that we're selling. And the reporters always say, hey, I read your book. You know the tactics that you use to sell real estate. I use those same things to sell my editor on using my story instead of Jim's story.

Exactly right.

And dentists reach out to me. They're like, hey, I used your tactics on figuring out how to get an extra, you know, an extra client a day who needs a teeth cleaning. And I'm like, that is awesome. But that wow moment is really just to show relative value so that, you know, people don't know what they want until you show it to them.

Them.

And when you show them exactly what they say they want, they never want it. You got to show them what they don't even know they want that is outside of their realm of possibility. That gives them something to look forward to and then bring them back down to reality. But show them something a little bit better than that reality, and they will always buy it because it's always going to make them feel like they're one step closer to the dream, which is that wow moment that you just showed them. And it's also a little bit better than what they thought that they were going to be stuck with with. So it's like, it works like it works every time. It is not rocket science. You just have to put in the effort to do the wow moments and to remember that you are selling when you're having these conversations.

So many people see selling as a negative connotation. Though, would you agree with that?

Yeah. When I was doing Sell, like Sirhan on Bravo, like, everyone I dealt with said, I hate sales. I'm like, why? Because I don't like being a salesperson. I hate salespeople. It's like, well, that's like, you could say that about anybody. Like, I hate that type of person.

I hate dentists. Yeah, exactly.

Right. But if you meet a great dentist who's awesome and who doesn't hurt you when you're in the chair, like, you're gonna be like, you know what? A dentist is cool. Like, it's fun. I don't know who says dentists are fun, but it could. I don't.

You might with those teeth.

Yeah, But I think that, like, you have to remove the idea that selling is taking from people. So whether, like, you're somebody who's being sold on something and you feel like they're trying to. To take your money, or you're a salesperson who's trying to sell somebody else and you feel like you're trying to push them or take them. Like, selling is just assuring people. Like, all you're doing is you're assuring them of the choice that they were going to make anyway. They just might have made it in a month or a year, and they might have made it online or with a different salesperson when they were ready. But you're assuring them of making that choice with you today. And that's how you say.

So you're innovating the concept of what a salesperson is or what selling is.

Yeah, I'm just trying to simplify it and trying to see, like, you know, I really studied, like, the best salespeople, you know, like, when I look at myself in the city, like, I. When I came here, I'm not set up to be the best salesperson in New York City whatsoever. The best real estate brokers in New York City are predominantly from New York. Okay. They've been doing it for a really, really long time. And they're well connected, either through finance, through the synagogue. Like, New York City has a lot of different networks, all of which I'm not a part of.

Like, you're not in the tribe.

Yeah, not in any of the tribes. Like, I knew nobody. I was just trying to rent apartments, to pay rent. So, like, what was the difference between what I was doing compared to what everybody else was doing? And a lot of it was that I just. I, you know, I didn't push, you know, and I was just assuring people of making that choice today. Like, there's no. A lot of people say, I need to go home and think about it and talk to my wife.

Wife.

Like, most deals end that way. Or I need to go think home. I gotta think about it.

So how do you respond to that? Objection.

It's literally just asking, like, okay, cool, but what is it that you want to think about? Like, if they don't want to buy something, you're never gonna change someone's mind that way. Like, if they really don't want to do it and they're wasting your time, then, like, you need to move on. But if they're just using that as a stall tactic because they are afraid of commitment, then it's just asking questions. And it's sometimes not even asking questions about what it is they're buying, it's asking questions about anything else. Like about the game last night or about their job and trying to figure out, like, what is in the back of their mind, you know, like, we're having this podcast right now. I'm talking to you and I'm, you know, I'm present as much as I can be, but in the back of my mind, I just lost a deal for 16 and a quarter million over $100,000, and I'm gonna have to deal with that in 35 minutes, give or take.

Clearly, that's annoying you.

Yeah, and so, but like, so that's in the back of my mind. And so if someone's trying to sell me something right now, the last thing I'm to do is be sold. But if they start asking me about work and how crazy is the market, maybe I'll open up and I'll talk about that. And then 10 minutes later I'll get back into talking about the deal and I'll realize, yeah, you're right, this is a good deal. And then we'll get right back to it. The same way a friend would talk to you.

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Yeah. You have to also remember too, that in every relationship, whether it's spouses, boy, boyfriend, girlfriend, boss, employee, broker, client, the person in the relationship who has all the power is the one who cares the least. So you have to remember that always. So, like, in that meeting with her, I honestly was like, I would love to have this listing. I think it would be Great to have you on my team, but I don't need you. I know you need to be somewhere in order to list your property, and I know you need to be somewhere where someone. Someone's also going to help you build your career. So you probably care more than me, and so I'm going to put that out there. I care less than you do right now, and that gives me all the power, which means that she then came back to me. Right. And that's exactly how it worked. It's kind of like anything you see. Like, relationships die all the time because the person who has all the power is the one who just doesn't give a shit.

You know, that sounds so awful.

I know, but it's a thousand percent true.

True.

It's 100% true. The person in a relationship who has all the power is the one who cares.

But shouldn't.

I'm sounding like such a girl right now, and this makes me upset because we're in a business setting. However, I am going to be a girl. So you don't want to think of your relationship as a power or game of power and control?

Yeah, no, of course not. You don't want to. But, like, you look at it like, where does the heartache come from in any relationship? It comes from one side of the. Of the relationship, not giving you what you need. And if they're not even gonna try, it means that they don't care as much as you do. Like, the love isn't there as much as you want it to be. And maybe sometimes there's ways to fix it. Like, maybe they don't know that they're supposed to give that to you. Or maybe they do know and they just don't care. And it's the same thing on deals like this deal, 16 and a quarter, which is a big deal that we really wanted to get done today. Like, going into it, I knew in the back of my mind, like, we really need to sell. My seller on this apartment bought it for $21 million in 2012. Okay. The new York City real estate market is really, really, really hard. He was willing to take a $5 million loss just to get it sold today because he wants it out from under him. He cares way more than anyone else. The buyer negotiated, haggled all weekend, came back, asked for another haircut of $100,000 yesterday. And my client was like, you know what? Okay? Like, I just want this done. And by giving him that last little inch, the buyer then says, said, you know what? I don't want to do it anymore because he just doesn't care as much. Like even if we had given him a million dollars off, he probably still wouldn't have done it. So I can't get that beat up. Like it just wasn't a deal that was ever going to happen anyway.

But hadn't you qualified that this guy was serious about buying?

He's the CEO of a massive company that you would know if I told you the name. He's incredibly wealthy. He was jetting off on his private plane today to Paris. Like he's a very real guy, he's an impulsive guy, he's bought a lot of real estate, it's very public and he's just a dick that way. Like there's nothing I can, nothing I can change about it. And what you learn in real estate and it makes you very, very tough. Like if you get into the real estate business, you realize that people are. People are incredibly greedy and they are also incredibly stingy. Like the same seller that will not come down, you know, $5 because of principal is the same guy that's gonna go and negotiate the price of a bagel. That is what you've learned. And grandmothers will lie to the face of baby Jesus in this city to save $4.

That's not you though. And this is why I like you.

And I know, but you learn it and it's hard. Like it really makes you. It gives you like a thick skin because you just go into every situation now with like, you know, your defense up. Just because you know you're about to deal with somebody who is in some way shape or form gonna try to lie to you.

Oh my gosh. Take a deep breath because I'm not gonna lie to you and I'm not trying to.

I know, I know that. But we're not in the sales position right now.

No, but what I'm saying is I understand why you've been conditioned this way.

Of course.

However, what I want you to open your mind to is that. And I see this way, what I. Oh my God, I just noticed how many bracelets you have on. That's tragic. Alright, listen, here's what I want you to know. Why, like you, I watched one episode where you had this guy and I don't know if he was a construction person or a designer, but he would sunk his whole life savings into like four property. And you sold for more than you killed yourself to deliver for this. It was the. I was like cheering you on on the sidelines and it was so emotional for that guy, it changed his life.

Saved him from bankruptcy, literally.

It did. And so I love that. And then when I. I read about the charity work that you do now, like, that's what makes you, in my opinion, a champion.

Yeah, thanks. No, I, like, I just. Am talking about all these things with you. Just because we're discussing it in relation to, like, how sales works and the type of things that we have to do as salespeople, especially in New York City, doesn't mean that I'm that way. Like, I go into every situation, unfortunately, like, brutally honest with everybody and, like, lay it all out and let them know how. How I feel, how things are going. And a lot of times it just backfires because people don't appreciate it. You know, they don't. They don't realize it. Like, ignorance is Bliss in 2019. That is for sure.

I don't agree with that.

No, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. But you can see it across the board. Like, people prefer to be ignorant now versus understanding truth or reality because it's just too hard. It's just too complicated. And for the most part, people just don't understand.

Well, give me an example of that then.

Oh, man. It's like, all day, every day. I mean, just look at, like, you don't have to talk politics, but just look at.

That was the first thing that popped.

In, I guess, because it's easy, right? Just look at, like, look at any, like, protester ever on the streets in New York City.

Right?

You know, like, one of the things that, like, I've done in the past that is super confusing is, like, you go and ask that person what they're protesting about, and most of the times they don't know. They can't talk about it. They're doing it because someone told them to do it, because they thought it was cool and because it's cool on social media, and it'll be a cool Instagram photo. But when you really ask them about what they're marching for or what they're protesting for, they literally don't know. One person might, but most of them don't. So there's this crowd mentality that just has taken things over in part because of what social media has done. And it, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, but that can go back to the same peer pressure we had and that you even explained with dating the mean girls or, you know, like, part of actually dating. No, you weren't killing it. That you weren't closing the deals. Back then. So what pivoted for you to go from that kid, like, as you explained, a chubby kid that couldn't close a date to now this guy that's closing billion dollar deals.

Broke just. It was trying to figure out how to get out of my own shadow in New York City or move home. You know, my parents were in Colorado, so it wasn't like I was gonna be homeless. Like, I lived in a terrible apartment in Koreatown, and I just needed to figure out how to make it work.

With roommates?

Yeah, initially it was with roommates, but eventually when I moved to Koreatown, it was by myself. And then I shared a bathroom with, like, all these people. It was just terrible. But it was. How do I figure out how to stay in New York City and kind of get rid of all that shyness and just have no shame and go out there and just hustle? Or it's literally go home to Colorado. That was it. It was one of the others. And I knew if I moved home to Colorado, I'd be screwed. I just wouldn't come back.

One of the things that you had going for you, in my opinion, is your brother and your father. That really came to me from the book. And I believe in. Listen, people have villains in their life and negative people, and they have to fire the villains. You seem to have, from what I can see, some really positive influences in your life.

Yeah. Yeah. My dad was really, really tough. I think I resented a lot of the way that he raised us as I was growing up. But Hindsight is always 2020. Right. And thank God he was tough on me because I don't think I'd be worried, I am today, if it weren't for him.

For sure he wouldn't.

Yeah. And putting us to work and, like, teaching us the value of the dollar and even little things. I don't remember if it's in the book or not, but, like, teaching us how to make friends, like, and just marching us down.

Not in the book.

Yeah. So he would, like, march us down the street. Like, we moved to Topsfield when we first moved to Boston, outside North Shore, we were in Topsfield and we moved like eight times before I was in fourth grade. And so we moved again when I was about to go into fifth grade. And so he's going to a new school, all new friends. And he took me and my little brother. So I was 10, my little brother was 7. We walked down our driveway and he said, we're going to make friends. And he made me and my little brother Knock on everyone's door and say, hi, my name is Ryan. My name is Jack. We just moved in across the street. Would you like to be our friend?

Oh my gosh, you look like a total psycho.

Yeah, but we were little, so I think it was okay.

It was a psycho.

If I did it now, I would be shocked. But at the time, like, it was terrifying. But I'm still friends to the day, to today with some of those people that stop it. Yeah. And like, it just shows you that like most people don't reach out.

Like most people never Would anyone do that today? I would never make my 12 year old. Could you imagine when your daughter's a little bit older, making her do that?

I don't know.

I'm thinking about it.

Oh my gosh. That's a little crazy. Are you, you're gonna do the ready, set, go with her though?

Yeah, probably totally. Because it works for me. But listen, even in like my business here, you know, like some of the agents who do the absolute best, who sell the most are ones who spend half an hour a day, 10 minutes a day, an hour on a Sunday, just talking to people on the street like total strangers. And they will find that one person needs a place to rent. One person's mom is actually looking to try to sell her apartment, hasn't sold yet. One person doesn't know anybody, but they're going to forward off their information to somebody that they met on Instagram. And it's this trickle down economy and they get business from it. Like, there are so many people on the street who can provide opportunity to us. We just have to ask them and talk to them. But most of us are so scared of the fear of rejection, we just stay inside our car, you know, or inside our office, or we keep our heads down or now we're so plugged into our phone we don't even look up. And it's like, it's a scary, scary thought. Like, that's what scares me the most about my daughter. It's like, how, how will she have personal connection with people in 15 years when she's a 15 year old girl growing up in D.C. it'll be so.

Different than it is today.

I mean, I just can't. I mean, I see it with like young kids now from my clients and like for my nieces and nephews, like what they have to go through with, like the pressure that they have in school because of social media. It's just like awful. It's awful.

But people, okay, this is where I don't agree with you. If it people back when we were kids, when I was a kid that the phone was this is going to ruin everyone's life. The phone or tv. There's always some new iteration of whatever technology is going to be and there will be something different when your daughter's older. It's just, it is what it is. It's not social media is not going to ruin anybody.

Yeah, I don't think so, but it is. It does provide more pressure on a 247 basis. Like at least when I was growing up, like I didn't then have to see all the kids or hear from them or deal with them till midnight every day. Like I saw them in school and like I could talk to my friends on the phone but like no one would call me names. Cause we didn't even have email. Right. Like none of that happened. Now I see it with the kids of my clients and like I said, like nieces and nephews, they are, they have to be plugged into Snapchat otherwise they're going to hear about it the next day like and people are going to give them shit and they're going to be bullied about it. Like we didn't have that 247 through our phones when we were growing up. So like I agree with you. But at the same time it is now like it's all of what we had before just amped up on steroids like attached to your hand, which is a little bit freaky.

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It's a choice. You can choose to launch the app or you can choose not to. And that, you know, creating confidence. This is what it all goes back to for me, for my child, sending him out into the world every day. He has that choice to say when someone says oh you weren't on Snapchat. He says I don't even have. He doesn't have a Snapchat account. And he says I don't have. I don't need it. And it's about instilling in your kids and in ourselves, you know, this sense of self worth.

It.

I don't need someone on the outside to tell me, hey, Heather, launch Snapchat. Otherwise you're not worried worthy. Yeah, I mean, that's really where it all starts.

I hope so. I just think it's hard. Like, I think it's. Listen, there's peer pressure, right? I think, like, everyone wants to feel like they fit in. Everyone wants to have friends, everyone wants to be liked like you. I think it's very rare to find a kid who is that mature to be able to say, no, man, I don't need social media. Like, I think it's just, even for me. Like, I like, Instagram is now a business for us. Like, I don't want to be posting stuff all the time, but I have to, otherwise I will literally lose business. And so there is that, like, professional peer pressure that way too. Like the vlog on YouTube which brings me business is fine. Like, I can do it, but it takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of work. I have to have a whole staff to pay all these people. It's like. And there's pressure from it too, because I see it out there, you know, like, I have to be always on the floor, forefront of promoting myself in some sort of innovative way. Otherwise other salespeople will get those clients. And so, yes, I can say no. I could be like, no, I don't want to do any of this, but then I'll sell less. So it's always a trade off. And I think for kids it's like, yeah, I don't have to do that, but then I'll have less friends. So it's like, it is a trade off and it's hard.

I want to. Well, if success was easy, everybody would have it, right?

Of course.

So that's, I mean, that's part of the process when I want to pivot a little bit to the business side.

Sure.

One of the reasons why I believe you have the success that you have on the outside looking in and you can educate me is because you have done such an incredible job branding yourself.

Yeah.

Would you agree with that?

I guess, Yeah. I mean, I've tried. I don't know, like, it's branding yourself is so hard. Like, I, I just sort of consistently, you know, success begets success, so I consistently put my name out there as much as I possibly can. I want everyone to see certain hand and think real estate, you know, and the more that happens, the better it's going to be for my business down the line. And I try to do as much as I can through social, through million dollar listing, through the book, through the vlog, through talking to you right now. Like, there will be people listening to this that I don't know. And that's great. Like, that'll be at least one other person who has, you know, who will follow me, let's say. And then hopefully it'll just build and build. But I think, like, for me, the brand is about promoting success. You know, I think if you look at anyone's brand, like, even, I don't know, like, even an athlete, right? Like LeBron James Brand is the fact that he is a very successful basketball player. And so then people want to be attached to that. So then he gets, you know, licensing deals and promotion deals, but as a successful basketball player. And he's promoted that success over and over and over. And so it's become kind of this brand, you know.

So it's funny that you said you want to be known for real estate, but when I, when you said that in my mind, I thought, how do I know you? You and I just only met you today, but I researched you. To me, you're known for sales, which is great. That's how you don't want to be in your face. The book isn't sell real estate like Ryan. Right. It's sell it. So I think that's an important takeaway for people to know. Even if you want to be known for real estate, you don't push real estate in everyone's face. You push the value you bring to them so that they garner something from you, right?

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

So it's really important to give people value at the end of the day.

And to put it. And to put it out there into the atmosphere. Like, I also, I'm a big believer in that, you know, like the, like vision boards and the power of positive thinking. Like, you know, I don't necessarily believe that if you like, talk into the air, the air is going to respond to you. But, you know, it's like if you wake up every day with goals in your mind and you put it out there, it's going to change the way you talk to people. It's going to change the way you walk, it's going to change the way you cross the street. It's going to. But do little things that are going to make those dreams realities just because you are subconsciously going to be moving towards those positive goals that you've set up for yourself. Like, you know, I told myself when Million Dollar Listing started, like, oh shit, now I'm going to be on a national television show as a real estate agent. I better not screw up otherwise everyone's going to see it.

That's very vulnerable. I agree with you.

Yeah, like everyone's going to see because it's people like that show follows me 11 months out of the year year as I'm at work. It's not like it's not a family show where it's like, hey, let's do something fun on this episode with my wife. It's like they will be here for two hours this afternoon following me at work and if I say something stupid or do something wrong, there's a good chance they're gonna put it in.

Oh, you don't get to edit out what you don't like. Okay, I didn't know that.

No, they own me. So it's, it's all edited.

That's risky.

Yeah, it's super risky. It's all edited in la. You'll see. Actually like, so like what you see on season one of the show when it came out in 2012 is slightly different from what you see on season 12 because we all watched it and we're like, oh man, what did I just say? Oh God. The things I think are funny are not funny when it's on national television. And so, yeah, so it's just, it's just putting yourself out there as much as you possibly can. You know, I think that's, that's the secret to me and just not being shy about it. Right. And consistently thinking about that girl that dumped me in public.

Wait, tell me, what's the vision board right now?

Well, the vision board at the, you know, what was it like eight years ago, seven years ago was be the number one real estate broker in New York City.

You already did that, right?

So now. Yeah, so now it's like, how do I become the number one real estate broker in the country? Like, how do I do that?

Where are you right now?

Ranking, it's hard to low. Like as the number one real estate broker, incredibly low probably. But as a team wise, because I just have a lot of people around me, we're pretty, I don't know, we're like number three. But what I mean more is like in terms of like gross sales, like how do I build a big enough team or company to be number one so that when people think real estate in the United States, they think me, not just the guy that sells and does some real estate. Stuff in New York City.

So are you going to acquire more companies?

Maybe. I'm trying to figure it out. Like, the market is complete. The market's changing a lot, both for sales and for real estate and how it integrates with tech. Like, there's a lot of moving pieces now, and there's a lot of companies that are coming into the play that have, like, venture capital money that just have no need to ever make money. And so that becomes hard. Like, how do you compete with someone who's willing to lose money all day, every day?

That's bizarre.

It's hard. So I don't know.

I don't know.

I'll figure it out.

Well, the one thing that I really liked about following your trajectory is that you had this background in acting, and now you put, you know, the standup comedy and these exercises that you do with your peeps. All of this background now goes to work for you in that you've got the vlog, you've got the TV show. Isn't it interesting to see how these dots connected for you?

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think, like, I think some people have called it very lucky. Right.

That's not luck.

I do believe, and I did a vlog about this last week that, like, luck is when opportunity meets preparation. Right. It's just about being in the right place at the right time. But then when you're in that moment, you know what to do. So, like, millionaire listing for me was. Yes. Was lucky that the show decided to cast in New York City. But I went to an open casting call with 3100 real estate agents at the Hudson Hotel.

Was that intimidating?

Kind of.

But, like, I was. I'd only been doing real estate for a year and a half, and I was renting apartments for, like, a thousand bucks a month. So I showed up because someone told me to go, and they were like, why should you be on the show? And I was like, because I'm the greatest real estate agent in the history of the world. And they were like.

But you really weren't yet.

No, of course.

Okay.

No. But they bought it, and then I had to figure it out. And so we call that reverse engineering. Correct? Yeah. That's. Most of my life is the power of inception. Like, how do I make what I want to happen someone else's idea? And how do I plant that seed so once they decide to make it happen, I can just smile?

That was the. You just did the best job articulating sales.

Yeah.

You made it the other person's decision. That they wanted it to happen. And that. That is what sales is all about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

So, I mean, that's. That. That's the wow moment that we talked about at the beginning of our conversation, right? It's like, I'm going to show you something that you're not going to buy because it's too expensive and totally crazy, but you need to see it. And then I'm going to show you something a little more expensive than what you want and what you can afford. And then I'm going to take you back to what you really want, which is what you told me you want. Because that's my job. Like, I'm not trying to upsell you. I'm just trying to show you, like, a few options. But I just planted the seed that you're not going to buy what you told me you wanted. You're not going to buy what you can't buy because you can't afford it that I showed you. But you're going to buy my middle option because I know you want it and I know you can afford it, and I know you're gonna figure out a way to do it, even though I'm gonna tell you not to. And it's gonna be your idea. 100%.

Oh, that's such a. That's such a good strategy. I love it.

Yeah, it works like. And it works. And it works on me. Like, that's how I learned it because it worked on me and I was like swiping my credit card was like, oh, my God, what just happened? You upsold me, but you didn't really, like, you made it my idea to buy these shoes for $200 more than I wanted to spend. I need to learn how to do this.

The best salespeople are the easiest sold.

Yeah, of course, dude. I love. Sorry to call you dude. I love being sold. Like, I love going into situations and seeing how people sell me because it teaches me stuff. Like the way someone in retail is going to sell me a pair of jeans is interesting to me to see how they talk to me.

Well, you know, here's thing. You have so many amazing lessons in the book. Sell like Sirhan. I love it. I'm a huge fan. And I am not a huge fan of a lot of books, so I need to give you props for that.

Thanks for listening to it. That audiobook took me forever to do.

You did a really good job because. And this goes back to your acting. You're very animated, which is engaging for me as a listener. So great job. There I want to talk about your vlog. You're killing it with the vlog. I want to bring you some value. I'd love to come on your vlog and work with your team and help them create some confidence because I know you're expanding your business. You're growing rapidly. I've got a lot of expertise with that and I'd love to come on.

Yeah, let's set that up the next time you're back in New York. The blog's on YouTube. There's a new episode every Wednesday night. The book is everywhere, the audiobook is everywhere, and Million Dollar Listing New York comes back August 1st at 9pm I.

Can'T wait to watch.

Yeah.

Ryan, thank you so much. You're the best.

Thanks for having me.

If you've been looking for a legal way to watch your favorite TV shows and hit movies for free, and frankly, who isn't looking for that? I definitely am. But now I know there's no more waiting, no more need. Never pay for TV again by downloading Pluto tv. You can download Pluto TV for free on all of your favorite devices today, including your phone, roku, Amazon Fire TV, Apple TV, smart TV. Oh, my gosh, there's way too many TVs, PlayStation. Anywhere you stream, you're going to be able to get Pluto tv. It's the leading free streaming television service out there. You've got to get it now. So I hope you loved getting to know Ryan as much as I did. I really am impressed with how much he's accomplished at such a young age, how he constantly raises the bar on himself, and something funny that I want to share with you. If you've listened, listen to all my shows. And you heard the Gary Vee episode. Episode today made me think of something. Gary Vee's achieved massive success, just like Ryan has. And I mean, they're. They're different, but they're similar in many regards. They're both in New York City, they're both running major companies, they're both raising the bar on themselves. However, they are so incredibly different. And that's. This is important for you to know. There's not just one way to success. There's so many different ways. And I was thinking about how similar they are, yet so different. Different meaning. Gary was so late for my meeting. When I interviewed him, I was starting to freak out if he wasn't even going to make it. And then he was on such a tight schedule, but he went way beyond our given allocated time because he wanted to do such a great job. On that show. So I'm sure this guy's schedule ran behind for hours, all day long because of this domino effect that had occurred.

While I was there.

Conversely, working with Ryan today, he is so punctual. It is amazing. I mean, to the, you know, to the nines, like, oh, like, we've got 60 seconds left. Like, to the moment. I mean, this guy is running a tight ship, tight schedule, and everything is, you know, it seems really black and white. So that seemed so different from both of these extremely successful people. Again, just, you know, I want to share with you, success does not just come one way. It's about being who you are and doing what works for you to make it work. So today, I want to share with you that I've been asked a lot of questions over DMs lately about how am I able to be successful in business and be a mom? And, you know, it's sort of an interesting question. It's not easy. Heck, no, it's not easy. But I'll tell you this. My son is 12 now, and it's so much easier than when he was 1 and 2 and. And 3. It was really hard back then because he didn't understand while why I was leaving, or he would, you know, be having a fit and I could hear in the background when I would call and check on him. Those times were really, really hard. And I've mentioned this before, my confidence was really low, so I felt desperate to make my work trips, desperate to deliver at work, where I feel differently now when I go on a work trip, like being in New York this week and having so many meetings and interviews set up, I'm so excited to go because I'm creating value not only for you today, which I'm hopeful you're able to take value from the show, but also for the long term for me and for my son, which is so cool. When I was in corporate America, I was creating value for the company and the brand I worked for, and that was okay at the time. However, now I'm creating value it for me and my family for the long run. So it's not only am I creating value for this moment, I'm also doing it for the long term. I'm investing in myself and I'm investing in my son, and I explain that to my son a lot. So there was a really funny situation that occurred the other day. My son plays Fortnite, which drives me cuckoo. However, it's very popular with young kids right now, and he's always asking for money to Buy V box bucks, which is insane. I mean, brilliant for the gaming, for epic games, but not so brilliant for me. So I've been telling my son, no, that you can't have money to buy V Bucks. Get a job. I don't know, tell you. So I've been shutting him down on the V Bucks. And this was so cute. He came out to me last weekend and he said, mom, you need to grow your YouTube, and I've got some good ideas on how you can do that. And I said, oh, my gosh, thank you. Tell me. And he brings me all of these Nike gifts gift cards and iTunes gift cards. And I said, what's that? And he said, well, the best way to grow audience and subs subscribers on YouTube is to do giveaways, mom. And you haven't done any. So I'm going to give you all these gift cards. This is $150 worth of gift cards, and I want you to give these away on YouTube so that you can drive subs for your channel. And I said, oh, my gosh, that is. Is so nice of you.

Thank you.

I would never have even thought to do that. I appreciate you sharing with me. And he told me how some of these different YouTubers do it and why it will work and how it's going to benefit my business. And I said, oh, thanks so much. I said, well, I can't take that from you. I'm going to have to give you some money. And he said, mom, you don't have to. I said, yeah, this is a business transaction and I'll buy these from you. And he said, okay, great. Can I just have $150 worth of B bucks then? And in that moment moment, I learned something really powerful. I learned that my son watches me run my business and conduct business every day. Oftentimes, he'll come with me on trips and see what I do, and we talk about what I'm building. And he's seen my low moments, like when I got fired and I was crying. He's seen my really high moments, too. So he's learning how to be resourceful and a very good salesperson. So it's kind of funny to. Yes, it's hard being away from your child a lot. There's. I can't mince words about that. It's really heartbreaking at times. However, I'm so proud that my son is learning real value and real life skills in real time. And I. I told him that. I said, listen, I know what you just did to me. You just sold Me, and I'm really proud of you because you brought me value. Not asking for anything. However, I felt compelled to offer you some value in return. And I just wanted to say great job because I feel really proud of who you are and what you're becoming. Now, this is funny because it's happening at an interesting time. My son just graduated from fifth grade, and it was an emotional day because I noticed how the school he went to really had. They done such a great job of recognizing the accomplishment that these kids had. You know, they had this commitment entering in first grade that they would finish, and they. They had this whole tradition of celebration. And all the kids in the school were out there clapping for them and that we had a formal graduation and a formal graduation party. And it just reminded me the importance of recognition in any business in life and patting yourself on the back and recognizing what you are accomplishing. So often we forget about that. So this Sunday, I'm taking my son to a sleepaway camp for the first time in his life. And it's really. It's. I'm conflicted in that I'm so nervous for him. However, I'm so proud of him that he is courageous and confident enough to go. So I started thinking to myself, how can I help him? You know, let's talk about things ahead of time. And so luckily, we had visited this location once before a couple years ago, and I talked to him about how I'm so proud of him. You know, years ago we went and he. He was too scared to attend, but now he's so much stronger and bigger, and I'm really proud of him taking this step in this leap of faith. He happens to know a couple of kids that will be at the other side of the camp. They're going to the soccer side. My son will be in the basketball side. And I said, I'm so excited for you too, that, you know a few people that will be there. And he said, mom, let's keep it real. They're not rooming with me. They're not going to be in the same buildings with me. They'll be on campus, but I'm probably not going to see them much. And I said, you're right. I agree. However, is nice to know that there are some good people in the community and that you'll get a chance to at least, you know, pass by them once or twice a day. Right? That's better than nothing. He agreed. And then I reminded him how many different instances in his life where he started a new school or a new basketball team and, or a new camp and made friends so quickly. It's definitely one of his superpowers. And I reminded him of specific instances where he didn't want to go to something and then he showed up and he connected with people and that smile came out and then he's a great player and people are drawn to his excitement around the game, you know, so reminding him of specific instances where he really created confidence by showing up and taking that risk, going into something new. And the more you do that, the easier it becomes. So as, as his mother and supporter, I want to remind him that he already has that confidence within him and giving specific examples is always a great way to do it and also having something to look forward to. So, you know, I said, what are you looking forward to most about the week? And, and he was giving me, you know, I have Heather mom. I really like the, the cafeteria and the, the idea that I'm in this, you know, this campus and I'm really looking forward to seeing, you know, you when you pick me up on Saturday. So trying to get someone to focus on what the positives are, you know, what we can look forward to and then create a vision of how fantastic it's going to be is also very helpful when going into a new situation. So that's definitely what I tried to do for him. We'll hear how it goes. Fingers crossed. And I'm sending good vibes out there. If you got peeps going off to on their own for the first time, it can be scary, but it's so important that we support one another and, and believe it's going to go great because that's how we get it going, get it rolling and get that momentum there. So thank you again so much for being with me. I appreciate it immensely. Please share the show. Please subscribe, rate and review. Oh my gosh, that's getting old. And if you haven't signed up yet for my accountability partner, you want to get to get an email from me each morning. Check it out in the Show Notes Heather monahan.com It's my website and it's free and I'd love to support you. So here's to you creating your confidence and me too. Thanks for being on the journey with me.