#8: Get On Your Heels of Steel with Barbara Kavovit

Thank you for listening to this Podcast 1 production available on Apple Podcasts and Podcast 1.

Each week. When you join me here, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. Come on this journey with me. Welcome back. I'm so excited you're joining me for Creating Confidence today. So a few things I want to jump right in on. I just open my first ever 2019 Fab Fit Fun, the summer box. I just got it and I have to tell you, it's unbelievable. It's literally like Christmas morning. You don't. I walked into my house, there's a package here, it's all for B and it's so exciting. I am in love with this Grace and Stella spray. All day rose spray. I'm big into scents. I love lavender rose. Any really calming and beautiful scent makes me feel fantastic and really elevates my mood. Also an obsessed with this Brazilian bum bum cream. If you have never used this, oh, my gosh, get this box now.

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Use your promo code confidence to get 10 off your first box. That's over 200 for only 30.39.99. Go to FabFitFun.com and use my code CONFIDENCE to get $10 off your first FABFITFUN box. I know you are gonna love it, just like me. So I can't Wait, I love that I get to give you guys these deals each week. It's such a cool thing. So check it out. This has been the craziest week. I just, I can't even put into words and I have to share it with you, even though it's just, it's tragic to relive it, but here we go. Oh, actually, I shouldn't say that. There's also been some really high two that have kind of blown me away. But I guess, you know, such is life, right? We're gonna have some very low moments and some very high moments. So as you know, my son was going away to sleepaway camp for the first time and I drove him to Orlando on Sunday, which was a four hour ride, and then got him situated. Things seemed good. I came back, I got home, it was about 9 o' clock at night and he called and he was really upset. He and the boy that he was rooming with, he didn't know and they, they agreement and you know, it just kind of unraveled from there and it ended up that my son was alone and didn't have a roommate and it was, you know, he's only 12 and it was just a mess and I was flying to LA the next day and it's one of those moments as a parent you don't really know what to do because you can't go get someone that's four hours away that's not happening. And you want to teach and instill confidence and the ability to stick things out and try new things. But at the same time your child is not 18 and only 12 and it's scary and you want to make sure they're safe and they feel safe. And being alone on a major campus when you had anticipated being in a friendly situation can be pretty intense at that age. So it was some very difficult nights. And ultimately living on his own in a college campus was not what, you know, we had signed up for. And my ex husband ended up going to get him because I had to fly out to LA the next day. Before that happened. It just, it was really hard at night for him sleeping. So I stayed on the phone with my son at night and it just, it was a tough couple of days and he ended up getting to go home with his father early. He left the camp early, which stunk because obviously that was not the experience we had hoped for. However, we all had agreed in the end that he just didn't want to live in a college Dorm alone at 12 and it just wasn't ending it was ending up being a really hard, negative experience instead of this really positive one that we had anticipated and planned for. Okay, so pivot. You know, those are the moments. I'm not gonna lie. I spent a lot of this week crying. It was really, really sad. But my son is fine and thank goodness, you know, things worked out. He's safe, he's fine, and, you know, we're back at it again now. I left, I went to Orlando, back to Orlando, got home, woke up the next day. I flew to la and I was able to work with my podcast one team on some different projects and concepts for our show, as well as I filmed a number of of shows. I think we did five or six shows to get a bunch done so that they're ready, the interviews are ready to go, which is really intense. And I'll tell you what's so weird. I've read more books in the past month, two months, than I think I have in my whole life. I mean, this has just been crazy because so many people have a book. A firm believer that if you're going to have a guest on your show, you want it to be relevant and interesting. And in order to make it interesting and relevant, you need to have some insight into the individual, right? So I've been reading a lot of books and a lot of really good, good books. Actually. Our guest today has an amazing book I really love, surprisingly so I can't wait to get into that. But it's just, it's been a lot of work, a lot more work than I anticipated. And part of that reason is because I firmly believe in FAI to face connection. You know, I had done a number of podcasts prior to having my own show, and the best ones were the ones I was sitting next to someone. Now, this is no different than sales. If you can be in front of someone, you can read their body language, you can connect with them, you can understand their, you know, where they're coming from. It's just so much more impactful and. And positive. So I've been flying all around to film my shows and I actually left LA to go to Irvine to do another show with actually to go David Meltzer show, which was amazing. And that was another debacle. We were supposed to do both. I was gonna go on his show, he was gonna go on my show, but it ended up he was stuck in traffic and was delayed an hour and I had a flight to catch. So bottom line, I did his show. And then I said, you know what, I'll come back to LA next month and we'll pick this up again and so we'll reboot and pick that up there. I jumped on a flight, I left Irvine and went to Atlanta. And a really cool thing is I got to stay with two of my best friends from back to home who now live, who are married and live in Atlanta. I stayed with them and their kids, had a really fun night one night and woke up in the morning and flew out to Norfolk, Virginia to do a keynote speech. What was interesting about this speech is that it was back in the industry that I was fired from, you know, over a year and a half ago. So it was the Virginia association of Broadcasters annual event and they welcomed me as their keynote speaker. I made it 30 minutes before start time. Everything was great. I felt really good about the presentation. I did a 90 minute presentation on the game changing power of confidence creation and really applied it to their workplace and some of the techniques that they can implement to help, you know, their efficiencies and growth at the office and at work and with innovation and collaboration. So I thought, you know, it went really well. I got great feedback. I ran out of there to catch a flight so I could go back to Atlanta. There were no direct flights to Miami. My flight was delayed for hours. I was stuck in the airport and ultimately made it back late into Atlanta at night, went back to my friend's house for the night and woke up first thing this morning and grabbed a flight to Miami, picked up my son and we are finally back home. So it's kind of been a whirlwind. One thing that I didn't mention that was so crazy that happened during all this chaos this week is that while I was on the road, I'm really big into posting on LinkedIn and creating content on LinkedIn. It's just just been such a growth mechanism for me and platform for me. So I posted a bunch of pictures that were professional pictures that were taken of me at a speech I gave a couple weeks ago. And it was just like any other post. I didn't think it was anything big. And I posted these pictures with a very short comment that essentially said something like this. It said, you know, really blown away about this week, big week, five cities, five days. So, so excited to be going back to the industry. I was fired from a little over a year and a half ago to be the keynote speaker for an industry association event. No one takeaway here is just never give up because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. And that was really all the post was, but the post went viral and I've never had a real viral post before. It's so crazy. You just start looking at your phone and the numbers just multiply. Every second, they start multiplying and. And I believe I'm near a million views right now on LinkedIn on my post, and I just, I can't even believe it's so funny. Why that post, I have no idea. I wish I knew what made it viral. But one thing I do know is posting every day and committing to creating content that adds value, shares my insights, and just showcases who I am has been a great investment and use of my time. It's allowed for opportunities for me to convert people, to now listen to my podcast and to hire me for my keynote, to buy my book, to buy my course. You know, there's so many. It's such a great opportunity. And if you're not elevating yourself on LinkedIn, oh, my gosh, start now, because I don't have some special recipe. However, my post just reached a million people. I mean, that's just mind blowing, right? So get on LinkedIn, update your profile, showcase your highlight reel and just be who you are and share it with the world and watch how good things start happening in all of the chaos and craziness this week. It ended up being a really successful week. And I'm feeling so good about the show that you're about to jump into with me. My guest is one of these women that, unfortunately, as you know, I've been in situations in corporate America where I worked with women that pretended to support other women, but it was total bs, not real at all. And this woman, my next guest, actually is someone who supports other women in a really genuine, caring, kind way. She was so fast to give me her cell phone number and text me and ask, you know, can you come to my event in New York and when can we get together and how can I help you? And just such a cool, real lady. I really enjoyed meeting with her and she really dropped a lot of knowledge. I took away a lot from this interview. I know you will. And it's kind of cool to peel the curtain back and look behind the scenes in Real Housewives of New York because we see all this insanity on TV and you wonder how much is real, you know, how much is just for, you know, the drama, commitment that they have to. Bravo. But my next guest is really gonna share it all with us. She's such an amazing woman. I can't wait for you guys to meet Barbara Kay and Learn so much about her, her rise to success, her major failures, and her bounce back. More importantly, because that's the name of the game. There is no real success without failure. It's just how you pick yourself back up. And this woman exactly that. And I can't wait for her to share it with you. So you gotta hang with me. But before we jump out, I have one more important thing to share with you. Do you want to get paid to shop? Yes, please sign me up. Want to take shopping to the next level? Yeah, of course. 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K. I can't believe you nailed my name.

I did. That means so much to me. People love to hear their names said correctly.

You know, I was on the Andy Cohen's watch what happened live.

Oh my gosh, I love him.

A few weeks ago and I swear to God he said my last 50 times and maybe on the 50th he got it right.

But what is good about him? Because clearly he doesn't enunciate properly. He did endorse the heck out of your book.

He did. And I love him for that.

Love him for that.

He had such a great quote and he, you know, like, big shout out on his show.

So that's a good friend.

All awesome.

So, Barbara, for my listeners that haven't read your book like I have, they haven't read Healing of Steel. They don't know who you are. They don't watch Real Housewives of New York. Can you tell my peeps about you? Yeah.

Well, I started a construction company right out of college because I heard my mom and her friends just gather around the table bashing their husbands, saying that, oh, my husband hasn't done this and my partner hasn't done this and the handyman hasn't shown up. And I was like, well, you ladies should know how to do these things yourself. So I started a home improvement business standing outside of a shopping center. I made some business cards at a local print shop, stood outside of a shopping center, and I went up to women and said, is there any repairs or fixes that you need done in your home? Like, is your faucet leaking? Is your toilet leaking?

But how did you know how to fix things?

I didn't know how to fix anything. I didn't know how to fix anything. But what I did do was I looked in the local paper and I said, okay, I'm selling these services. I need to find these guys, the carpenters, the electricians, the plumbers to do the work. So I would look in the help Wanted section of the local paper. And I would call up the carpenters and say. I would say, listen, I have the jobs. I'm gonna bring you to the jobs. You're gonna get work from me, and I'm gonna make the difference. I'm gonna charge the homeowner $200, and you're gonna charge me 150. And I'm gonna make sure that the job is neat and clean and done perfectly. And the homeowner doesn't have to talk to you. Mr. Plummer with a crack in his jeans. You know, he's. She's gonna like cute little me.

Okay, I want to highlight something here for my people listening what you just did. You saw a white space and you jumped in on. This is so important in business that Barbara identified a need in the marketplace because women didn't want to talk to these men with the pants falling down, and they felt scared bringing them into their home. Barbara saw that as a need, and she filled that void. You didn't know how to fix the problem yourself, so you created a different solution. You jumped in, and I think that's brilliant.

Yeah, I mean, what I saw was there was an intimidation. Women were intimidated in their own home. So my mom couldn't fix anything in her own home. And being a young woman who just graduated from college, I was like, no woman should ever be a damsel in distress. So to me, it was about being self sufficient and independent in your own space. And that's what I couldn't understand, how my mom and her friends didn't feel that way.

Did you learn to fix things along the way?

Yes. Yes. You know, the funniest thing is that there's always something in your childhood that you're not sure that it was important at the time. But then years later, you're like, the light bulb goes off in your head. And when I was nine, my. I was playing with the Barbie dolls in our apartment in the Bronx, and my dad comes through the front door with a bunch of two by fours wood. Two by fours. And we lived in a small apartment in the Bronx. And he said. I said, dad, what. What's going on here? What are you doing? He goes, well, we're gonna build bunk beds for you and your sister to sleep on so you have more room in your bedroom and you're gonna help me do it. So he handed me a hammer, and there he was holding the two by fours together. And I'm nailing, you know, the. The nail with the hammer. And I was just like, it was such A feeling now that I look back on it, like this, this my father, my, like who was, you know, to me like the greatest gift in the world. I had the best dad took his time to teach me how to build, you know, and it was the greatest gift because it was such a feeling of self esteem for a young girl to learn how to make something, to sleep on something and to accomplish something. So.

Wow, that is. I wonder if your father understood him. Making the time and investment in you build your confidence, but then teaching you to create something of value created confidence for you too.

You know, I think he really did, like, he really instilled this, this empowerment message in me. He always, he had two daughters and he was always like, you girls can do whatever you set your mind to do. You know, and he wasn't, we weren't, we didn't come from anything. He just really believed in the power of doing it yourself. He believed in DIY before DIY was even an acronym.

So, okay, so you started this side business where you were really the middleman, for lack of a better term. And then how did you transition from there to where we are today, this massive construction company?

Well, you know, I always believe that you have to have a dream. If you're not entrepreneur, you have to forecast and kind of think in the future, think into the future. So I saw a company, you know, I envisioned myself as, as the CEO of a company. But okay, so how do I get there? So what I did was I started to call the largest corporations in my neighborhood, in the Westchester county neighborhood. But IBM, Reader's Digest, Coca Cola, I was just going through the Fortune 50, you know, I grabbed my dad's stock book and I was like, who are the biggest companies in Westchester County? And I said, okay, well these companies must need things done in their own, in their offices. So I went from doing these little odd jobs in Mrs. Birnbaum and Mrs. King's home to calling IBM to thinking, well, they have the same problem. They can't get things done in their offices. So I ended up with a two year contract at IBM's corporate headquarters. But after I called them for six straight months.

So you cold called, you did, you persevered. You were getting no's nose for six months. Yeah. And finally you got a small.

Yeah, I was getting no return phone calls for six months.

That didn't deter you?

No. You know, and, and that is one of the lessons that you need to learn. Like a lot of people will just give up, of course.

Okay.

They, they don't call Me back. I'm done.

Oh, no, they didn't work out.

Yeah, it didn't work out, but I. And that's why I think after my successes and failures, even when I fail, I'll say, okay, I just have to do it all over again. And I already know what it's going to take to get there, like, the first time. You don't know. So there's nothing to fear but fear itself. So I just was like this young girl, and I was like, you know, had my first cell phone. You know, I had a cell phone before anybody had a cell phone, I think. And then I joined an organization called Professional Women in Construction in New York City.

How is there such a thing?

How was there such a thing? There was an older woman whose family was in the construction business, and she started this organization, and it was like myself and three other members.

Wow.

And I was the only woman that actually owned a construction company. So a developer. There was a huge project in Weehawken, New Jersey, that was shut down by the unions, and the developer said, well, I'm gonna hire this woman. She'll come in and negotiate.

Oh, this sounds familiar to me. Yes, yes, I read the book. Yeah.

So, you know, the book is really based on, you know, everything that's happened to me. That's why I say heels of steel. You know, you have to keep walking, you have to keep talking, you have to keep. Keep forging ahead. And your heels, even though they get worn down, you know, you keep. I keep getting them fixed. Like, I go to the shoe store and I get them fixed over and over and over again because you need heels of steel. Like, you just. It's a metaphor, you know, even though it wears you down, the heels eventually wear down. My heels never did because I kept just forging ahead.

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In the book because our listeners can't see this right now and I visually you've got to see that it's actually a building as the the heel and that's such a powerful message. You, when once you read the book and understand, you know exactly what transpired for you, you just mentioned failing. And when we're talking about some of the stories in Heels of Steel in your book, I'm thinking about the marriage and how business started falling apart when he was placing the union workers and you were in the car. And I don't want to get into too much detail and give away the whole thing, but for you, in that moment when you knew you were looking at failure, essentially, how do you reboot and pick yourself up after you'd worked so hard to build this company and everything was falling down?

You know, that's a good question. I think a lot of it comes from my dad. You know, I mean, I saw he was not financially and as far as professionally, he was not like this super successful guy, and he had a lot of ups and downs, but the one thing that he always continued to have, and the same thing with my mother, it was the always the ability to get up and do it again in the morning. Like, no matter what, you never. And this is what I live by. Don't think about yesterday. Learn from your mistakes from yesterday or the day before, but don't dwell on anything that is negative. Just continue to move forward and forge ahead. Because I really do believe if you keep taking those steps to move forward, no matter what it is, like, don't look sideways, don't look backwards, use your experiences from the past, but just keep moving forward, you will eventually get to where you need to go. I truly believe that. And my mom, like, when certain things happened in my life, like When I was 10, she took me swimming, like I was part of this Red Cross. And it would be raining and she'd be like, get out there and swim whim. Like those types of things.

Disciplined, discipline.

It's all about discipline, determination, moxie, you know, how do you communicate? How do you sell yourself? What, you know, your passion for what you're doing? It's all. I mean, I love building. I think, you know, the ability to create something from nothing or transform something that's been dilapidated and needs to be rehabilitated is just an unbelievable talent to have. You know, to be able to come onto a job site and work with men, to coordinate them and, you know, build something beautiful, build businesses, build enterprises. I mean, when I think about, you know, the offices that we all sit in and how we, you know, work every day, it's because of companies like mine.

It's amazing. But it didn't, you weren't born in, into some big company and your father handed you the company and you're running it. You created this from this very small opportunity that you started when you graduated college, just trying to figure out how to make some money and fix some problems around women's houses.

Yeah, I mean, I started with $60 in my, you know, and that was for the business cards. And it was literally, if you have the business cards, the business cards, it said, don't fuss, call us.

It's a good tagline.

Yeah. And you know, it was so. Because I didn't have any money for advertising or I didn't really know anyone. What do you do if you believe in something enough, you stand outside, you spread the word. How do you spread the word? You go up to people, you go up to your target market. My target market was women. You know, I wanted to talk to them about the problems they had in their home. And you know, 10 years, 15 years later, it was $100 million business.

Wow, that is mind blowing. And what's interesting is, and you just laid out for everybody very succinct, simplistic business principles. If you don't have advertising dollars, you know, who is that target audience? How can I reach them? And you were doing it hanging outside of grocery stores years ago. Today you've gone on Real Housewives of New York doing the same thing to reach the audience now to connect them to Heels of Steel.

Yeah, I mean, that was when I was asked to do Real Housewives of New York, A light bulb went off in my head. You know, I could either stand outside and wave my book Heels of Steel or I can go on one of the most successful franchises and TV shows on reality TV today. And that's what I did. And you know, it creates an awareness much quicker than if I were just walking the streets or advertising or you know, spreading the word on Facebook or, you know, I'd have to pay for that. Now it's like instantaneous. Fans who get to know me through this vehicle and if they like me, they want to learn more about me. And it's really more than just meets the eye. I mean, I'm really an entrepreneur. I'm really someone that promotes women in business, believes in women should always be independent, own their own homes or you know, be self sufficient or rent their own homes or, or if they're in a bad relationship, leave that relationship.

How is that for you when you are in a bad relationship, leaving it.

You know, in the beginning you don't want, you want to control the situation and do whatever you can to try and improve it. But it's hard to do those things if there's only one person participating. And as much as you want to save something, if the other person does not. Not have the same goal, it's impossible. And sometimes you realize it's more than, you know, just yourself. There's other. There's people that have illnesses in their minds, you know, and they don't necessarily understand or comprehend what's what, what their problems are. So.

So for you, you were becoming accepting of that other person's problems, and that is what allowed you to separate.

Yeah, I was. You know, I finally realized that these problems are never going to change because of who that person is.

That's a hard realization to have.

It is, it is. And it. And my mom helped me do it because she made me realize. And that's why I'm so patient with people and accepting of others, because I truly believe that not everybody has the same talent. As a matter of fact, nobody has the same talent, you know, and you really have to. And this is what I've worked on, is that, that I really dug deep in my life to know what I'm good at and what I'm not good at and what I'm good at. I try and enhance. And when I'm not good at, I try and hire the people that are good at it, you know, better than me, at least.

Well, and something that you're really good at, I think people know from listening right now, obviously you're great at construction, creating, building. However, I said this as soon as I met you. You're an amazing writer.

Thank you. I love to write. You know, again, I have to go back to high school. Like, I didn't do well in high school. I got Cs across the board, and the only class I did well in was creative writing. I got an A in. And, you know, sometimes you people have to think, what was I good at? What is. What is it in me that I was naturally born good at? And writing is. Is something that. I'm a naturally good writer and I'm a really great entrepreneur.

Well, some people don't. I think so many entrepreneurs didn't necessarily succeed, quote, unquote, in education because it is a very black and white world where entrepreneurials, you have to be someone who can navigate in the dark and in the grays and the unknown.

You hit the nail on the head. I mean, it's really, you know, I was not a good student. And if. And you really have to embrace what you're good at. I always felt bad about myself because I was never someone who did well in school. And the harder I worked, it seemed at a course, the worse I did.

Right.

It was. It was almost like I was futile. Yeah. It was like it didn't make any sense for me to even study 10 hours because my brain only, you know, processed an hour of information. But when it comes to business and being able to build, not only construction, but build businesses, it's almost like I'm a natural born singer or actress. It just comes to me. And that's why I love helping women with it, you know, and so along the way through, even with the housewives, you know, I've gotten so many messages from people. How did you start your business? Can you give me any advice on how to start a business? And hey, maybe one day I'll do a podcast too on that.

I think you should. What is the advice you would give someone on how they start a business?

I think really it's, first of all, you have to be honest with yourself. What are you good at? You know, what are you passionate about? And when you understand what your strengths and weaknesses are, that's the first step in understanding. Some people are made to be entrepreneurs. Some people are made to work in corporate America and they do really well. Or some people are made to be singers and actresses and, you know, and then there's some people like me that are born entrepreneurs that I don't want to read, you know, legal documents and that kind of thing. I want to give it to my lawyers. But I understand what it's like to coordinate, to schedule, to put together people to. But. And also understand, like the organization, financials, communication skills, how to write. Those are all really important skills. But you don't have to be experts in them. You just have to know how to do each one. But you don't have to be experts in each of those fields, like finance. I'm good with numbers, but like, you would never see me as a financial analyst in a corporation.

Right.

You know, that wouldn't be fun.

Yeah, but Heels of Steel is really, you know, it's just such. First of all, I'm so passionate about this book because it's based on my story, based on my experiences, based on my life that I felt so passionate about telling someone that I didn't come from a rich family, I came from a very middle class family. I didn't come from. Nobody gave me anything. Nobody handed me an investment and said, oh, here, start your business. It was never like that it was like using my own mind, my own hands, my own legs to, you know, to write, to speak, to walk, to, you know, promote, to do all those things that you.

But did you know, all of those things along the way were in your wheelhouse house? Meaning I didn't know I would be a strong entrepreneur because I was in corporate America for so long. I didn't even have that vision to look beyond it. Sometimes people are in a certain situation and they believe that's all there is. So how did you connect those dots to know you would be great at writing in addition to creating and constructing and everything else?

You know, that's. That's a good question. And I think sometimes, you know, you have, like, I've had huge fan in my life. You know, I've gone bankrupt before. Like, I've made millions of dollars and then seven years later, broke. Living at home.

Yikes.

So it's those living at home with your parents.

Yeah. And it's those situations that give you the knowledge to know that you have this perseverance and this determination. I mean, it's not going to happen in your 20s or not necessarily in your 30s. You know, it didn't happen to me till I was 40 that I started to, like, connect the dots. So embrace, you know, now that I've looked back on it, I have to. I embraced my failure by learning my failures from. Learning from those failures and realizing, what did I do wrong and how can I change it? It's the people that say, oh, no, I'm. I'm perfect. I did it all right, and it's everybody else's fault. I mean, you know, take responsibility. Responsibility, you know, for what you did right and what you did wrong and try and learn from it and move on. And so that's, that's my advice to people, is to, you know, if you're in a situation and it's not going the right way, well, then try and make a change, you know, a slow change. Try and explore different avenues. Don't say in things that make you. Whether it's a relationship or whether it's. It's a job or no matter what it is, you have to find it within your own, you know, strength to make changes. Because if you don't, then, you know, I. I don't know how else to.

Not gonna happen.

Yeah, it's not gonna happen.

All right, before we continue, I have got to get into this. You know, how I feel about LinkedIn. I'm obsessed. Just check out my post with over a million views hello, viral. I'm so excited. But LinkedIn is where I hang. That's where I spend my time. And anyone who's in business is on link. You need to fish where the fish are if you're looking to hire talent. The idea of running an ad in the paper or even a job board is passe. Those days are over. You need to be on the social platform that has 610 million members looking for work, looking to showcase their talents, and looking to connect and network with other business professionals. This is the hub. It's where it's happening. It's where I am every day. I get so many speaking engagements from LinkedIn. I get so many amazing networking opportunities. I found my admin on LinkedIn. You know, if you want to find your talent, if you want to hire talent, this is the place to do it. The old ways are for the old days. Okay, let's move over to LinkedIn now. In fact, I mean, it's just unbelievable the new solutions that they have for you. If you're looking for talent, you really need to take a look at LinkedIn as the job solution. It's just hiring isn't as simple as it was back in the old days. You have to think in a social mindset. You're trying to grow your business. You know, you need to find those right candidates. Now you need to check out LinkedIn jobs. LinkedIn jobs is where you will find the right candidates that fit the profile that you need. They make sure your job post gets in front of the people with the right hard skills and soft skills to meet your role requirements. They're going to make sure you find that right person. Whether you're looking for work ethic, collaboration, innovation or very specific resume set skills, they're going to find that person for you. I know it, I use it. I'm on LinkedIn every day. This is me helping you grow your business. Find the right people, find them quickly. Use LinkedIn. It's definitely the solution for you to find that right person fast. And of course I'm going to help you do it. So to get the all $50 off your first job post, go to LinkedIn.com confidence again, that's LinkedIn.com confidence to get $50 off your first job post. Terms and conditions may apply. You gotta check it out though, because this is where you can find the really talented people that might not be that happy in their current job. Maybe they're working for an evil villain like I was and you're just gonna pluck them right out of There, there. I can't wait for you to give it a shot. You're gonna love it. How did you start in writing? And I think that this is interesting for people to understand. It wasn't that you had some grandiose idea one morning you woke up, I'm gonna be an author.

Right. Well, I actually have. Besides writing for the Post for six years, I actually have two other books that I published. How to books. One is called Room for improvement, and the other is called Invest in your nest. And that was still really about me explaining to, written by woman, for a woman, that you can improve and enhance your home with not that much money and you can still make yourself comfortable and live with style. And also you can invest in your nest. It was all about how to stake your claim in real estate. Like, take every penny that you can possibly save and invest it in real estate. Because there's nothing greater than owning your own home and fixing up your own home and creating equity in your own home. So I already had that writing bug. And I always thought about writing a novel and writing my story, but I was literally sitting outside in my. Of my house in the Hamptons, and it was just burning like the words were coming out of me. And I started to just type on my. On my computer. And before I knew it, I had 14,000 words written. And I was introduced to an agent, and she read the 14,000 words and she was like, this is a really interesting story. And so she hired a writer for me at that point. And because it was a novel, typically you can't get a deal with a major publisher without having the full manuscript. But the writer and I spent so much time developing the characters and developing my character, developing the other character in the book that when we were finished with half the manuscript, I ended up getting a deal with HarperCollins.

Wow, that's huge.

It was really amazing.

Just goes to show, it doesn't have to be one way. You explained that books are only sold when they're written in completion for a novel, however, you were able to take it, pitch it, and get it done.

Yeah, I mean, it is the norm that most novels are given or green lit when you have a full manuscript. But you know what? There are rules that are broken, and this rule was broken. I mean, I believe so strongly in this story. And this story, to me is, you know, when. When somebody reads about Bridget Steele, who is the main character in the book, they are going to absolutely love her.

You love her, and you go on the journey with her, and you can relate to her. So much so when she was standing on the dock negotiating with the head. Head of the union. Can you give us some of those tactics that you used in that negotiation? Because you won in the end, and it was scary to the wire.

Yeah, I mean, the negotiation was really. That's what it was, a negotiation. It was, you know, we were on a. There was a job site, and there was a project staring me in the face that I was potentially going to get. And this guy was deterring, you know, this guy was preventing me from getting this project. So they shut the job down because the developer could not afford the union wages for all the people. And he wanted to figure out an alternative way to do it. So he came to me to be the spokesperson, really, for him. So I went into the union hall and I said, how about we match men? I take one of your guys and you give me one of my guys or our guys, and. And we'll have work harmony. We'll have lots of people working. It'll be a robust job site. And at first, he didn't like the idea. You know, he was like, what do I need to give you anything for you? You're nobody. I was like, oh, honey, I am somebody. And it's all about that confidence. So I was, you know, and that's the other thing I have to say, you know, fake it till you make it. I was like, oh, do you know what I do? I build. I have that white Ford Econolon Econoline van in the parking lot with a gang box and 50 power tools in it. We are going to do this. So it's all about, you know, real. And this is how I do it on Real Housewives of New York. You know, it's like, well, how come you. You don't like screaming, yelling at all? Ruffled? Because you get more from being, you know, a little bit of sugar sometimes. You know, you can be stirring, you can be confident, you can have, you know, your strength without screaming and pointing in somebody's face and still get your message across.

In fact, I am a firm believer that when you scream and get emotional, you're giving that other person all of your power. Conversely, if you choose to give it some time and calm down. And this happened today, I got a really nasty email from someone. They thought they were sending it to someone else written about me. And I was. My heart was racing when I read it. I was so hurt that a person, a friend would do this to me, but I said, you know what? I'm putting that email away. And I'll deal with this tomorrow because if I responded to that individual today, it would be emotional and upset. And I know tomorrow I'll be calm and I can be calculating and I can figure out how do I want to handle, how am I going to leverage this to my advantage now that I have this knowledge and it's really about take emotion out of business.

That's, you know, one of the most important tips that you can give someone. I always say, and you did it. Process the information. Take your time to process it. Don't rush to respond. But then, you know, once you've processed it and really understood where it's coming from, then respond and do it in a very methodical, you know, intelligent, productive way.

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Now, that is not what you think of when you think of Real Housewives of New York.

I know, and that's why, you know, and that is why I probably was not my vibe, you know, to be on that show. I'm not a screamer, I'm not a yeller. I'm not underhanded. I don't like to ridicule other women. I like to really promote and support women and their mission and their dreams and goals. And I don't see a lot of that happening on this show.

No, but in your life you do. You actually started another business years ago where you created a line of tools for women.

Yes, yes. The line of tools is called Barbara Kay and today it's called Diva by Barbara Kay. And it was really taking me back when I first started in my early 20s. Those women that were so, you know, intimidated by tools and by getting things done in their home, well, give them a great set of tools. Hammer, screwdriver, a wrench, hex, keys, a tape measure, a Flashlight, interchangeable screwdriver. And not only give them the tools, give them a great bag to put it in, and give them a little guidebook so they can understand how to take each tool and perform a task in their house and accomplish their goal.

Every young woman needs this.

Every woman needs a toolkit. Their own toolkit. Not their partner, their husband, their fathers, their uncles, their own toolkit. You know, and some people say, well, why do I need my. Why can't I just use a man's, you know, any hammer? Well, you know, how do you not understand? You have to understand the things to do with a hammer. You know, what are the things that you can do to make your home beautiful with a hammer? You know, it's all about thinking in terms of that. Well, a hammer just sits in your drawer. But did you know you could hang a picture with a hammer? Did you know that you can fix. You know, you can, you can. If there's a nail sticking out of the floor, you can take it and tap it. Like, there are things to do in your home that you're always like, oh, I wish I can get them done.

Take a tool and jump in and do it yourself.

Yeah, and accomplish your goal. Feel, feel empowered that you didn't have to spend a hundred dollars to call a handyman, you know, or waste the time.

That's a confidence building moment. Instead of deferring and leaning on someone else to help you, standing up and helping yourself, help yourself.

And that's it. And, you know, even like the smallest things that you do it in home, at home, to fix things or improve your own home, it's like such a confidence booster. It's like, makes you feel, like, proud. Yeah, I don't need anyone to help me. I'll go get that job. I'll, you know, take care of that car and, you know, get the oil changed. And I don't need, you know, somebody to help me. It's really empowering. Every, every woman should be able to understand how to do things for themselves or at least how to talk intelligently. Because like you said a few minutes ago, knowledge is power.

It definitely is. And knowledge is one of the ways to create confidence. You seem so confident today. Sitting here with you, was there ever a time in your life where you really struggled with confidence?

Yeah, I mean, you know, I can't say I've. I've always known that I have the power. You know, unfortunately, there are obstacles that get in the way of power. One's power, one's spirit. You know, there are things that could bring you down, make you depressed, make you sad, make you feel like you're not worth worthy, take your self esteem away. There are so many things in life that could make you feel bad about yourself or depressed. But you know, coming from a place of My strength is all about your inner strength. How badly do you want it? How much do you want to succeed? Your determination, your energy and being able to grab, grab a mentor and, and you know, talking to someone and having that person be on that same page as you and not surrounding yourself by people that tell you you can't or you won't, like, keep, keep that out of your life. And you know, so yeah, there were times, there were times where I, like I said, I didn't have two nickels to rub together. I had to move home, I had a back operation, my dad passed away. I mean, so many things that, you know, it's, it's hard. And all I can say is, you know, if you need the time, take the time, you know, take that time to rebuild. Just like when you, if you break your arm, you know, your arm is, it's like the same type of thing. You, you need time to rebuild to get your, your bones better. It's the same thing with your brain. Sometimes you need to just like not do anything and take them, take a moment for yourself to rebuild.

Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do. I find if I'm feeling like that, I keep myself even busier because to stop and really think and process what's going on can be hard.

Yeah, I mean, it really depends on. I'm the same way. I cannot, you know, stop. Like even when I was broke in my parents house, like I was still doing business. Like my parents would say, well, what kind of business are you doing? You're not making any money. But to me, it was silly act of doing the business. It wasn't like I was bringing in revenue or anything, but it wasn't like I was getting atrophy either, you know, so even when you break an arm, you're going to physical therapy, you're working it, you got to keep, continue to work your brain and keep it moving. So that's why I was saying earlier, always keep it moving. You know, you might need a minute, but keep it moving. Right, right. Something down, go out, you know, explore, research, whatever it is, don't stop dead in your tracks.

So what does that vision look like for you, for your future now?

Well, I'm gonna take heels of steel and I'm gonna make it into a TV series and. Or a major feature film. And I'm gonna write another novel because Bridget's going and she's building. She's building, you know, not only skyscrapers, but she's building other things, too. And I think Bridget's got heels of steel. And we're gonna see her walk the walk and talk the talk that is.

It's so important for people to know. I only met you today, and I'm so proud of you. You're not allowing yourself to be put in a lane. You didn't allow yourself to be put in. Only men are in construction. And then once you got to the top of the construction game, you didn't just stay there. You said, I'm also going to be an author of a successful novel. I'm also going to reinvent myself this way. I'm going to try this. I'm gonna market differently. You're. You're smashing through lanes and showing everybody you can be whoever you want to be in any role.

Yeah, you absolutely can. I mean, once you lay a foundation and you. You have something solid, there's no reason why you can't branch out and take that credibility and use that credibility to branch out into different things. I mean, stay focused. Don't, you know, go off on a milk tangents like, I own a construction company. So a natural extension would be to have a line of tools. A natural extension would be to write a novel based on a story of a woman in construction.

You think so? However, 99.9% of the rest of the world would not think that's a natural extension. I will let you know that. Okay.

Well, I guess it's just, you know, the entrepreneur in me.

Where can people find you? Where can they get the book?

So you can get the book on Amazon, at Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, and you can find me on Instagram, Ms. Barbara K. And Twitter, Ms. Barbara K. And I'm happy to answer. You know, people ask me questions all the time, and I try and answer as many as possible because I love when women have ideas, and I love to just, you know, support in any.

Way possible that comes through so clearly. So I totally back and endorse that and Heels of Steel. Guys, unbelievable book. I never thought I'd read a novel, and I'm so glad that I did.

Oh, thanks, Heather. I'm so glad you did, too, because that really means the world to me, and I hope other women read it, too.

They're going to. That thing's going viral. All right, Barbara, thank you so much. And I'm gonna be right back.

Okay.

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But.

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Okay, so I am ready to answer some of your questions and I've gotten a lot of questions on Insta Story, actually, and as well as on LinkedIn and, and in some different DMs. So I'm gonna just answer a few of them and hopefully these will be helpful. So I was asked by Christopher, what was your biggest obstacle to getting where you are now and what would you say helped you get beyond it? I was definitely the biggest obstacle. No doubt. For a long time after I got fired, I was back and forth with, okay, do I go back to corporate America? Do I go back and do the same thing and just, you know, apply to different companies? And I was so panicked and so afraid and lacking so much confidence. I didn't realize that at the time. I'm articulating it differently today than I would have been because hindsight is a obviously so helpful. However, I didn't have hindsight then. I was in pure panic mode. So I was really stopping myself. When you're so focused on fear, so focused on lack, on what can't happen, on what potentially bad could happen, nothing good's gonna happen, right? So until I really shifted and, and got into a place of, you know what, I am gonna manifest and create this vision for my future. I am gonna step into my power, own who I am, and I'm gonna allow that to create opportunity for me. You know, I didn't know a year and a half ago that my book would be a bestseller. I didn't know I'd have my own podcast. Are you kidding me? I used to hate the sound of my voice. And that is a straight up truth. So to see how things have changed, evolved and unfolded, I'm constantly in shock about it all the time. I really am. However, every single day I read my mantra. I'll read it to you right now. Now I have to grab it. Okay? I'm literally grabbing this off my table every day. I read this and I just stand there for one minute thinking about how positive and exciting it is, the vision I have for my future. I say I'm so happy and grateful that I've sold over a million copies of my book. I have helped so many people and now money flows freely and easily to me. I create and enjoy my life by shining my light. Your wish is my command. This is coming true. And I do that once a day just to get my mindset right that, yeah, this is where I'm going. It's not crystal clear how I'm going to get there or what that next step or opportunity is there. There's definitely going to be failures along the way and those will redirect me to where I'm supposed to be going. So, you know, I was the biggest obstacle in my way. And the thing that really helped me get beyond it, there's so many. This is one of them is to get my mind right, my vision right each morning when I get up and really open up that opportunity to connect those dots and take those leaps of faith. But believing in myself, focusing on creating confidence and surrounding myself with people that are way beyond where I am. And think bigger because it encourages me to think bigger too. Those are some of the keys that I would offer on that question. Okay, the next one. All right, Heather, how do you handle managers who manage by fear? Okay, so you get away from them. Number one, if you're in an organization and you're being managed by someone who utilizes fear tactics to manage you, that is not your person. That is a bad manager. So you're either working for the wrong person or you're working at a bad company. And I don't know which one it is. So you need to do that homework. And what I mean by that is you could just be working for a bad egg. You need to get off that team, jump on another team. You'll find there's another great manager leader there and, and then you can grow and blossom and develop. However, if you're in a toxic environment, a toxic company, which I've been in before, it's not going to matter if you leapfrog and move to another team. You're going to be faced with that same type of fear mongering. It's a really negative strategy. It does not work. It crushes the company. It's, you know, it drives employees away and it creates this really negative, fearful environment for everyone, which will hold you back, fire your villains and set yourself up to take off if you, you know, if you're saying, I can't pay my bills, believe me, I felt the same way when I got fired from corporate America in a toxic environment and really fired my villain. I was petrified. However, you know what, I, I guess I could have done better back then was more aggressively update my resume, position myself better on LinkedIn, and start going after opportunity. I should have started right me, my book a year before I got fired. So the day I got fired, I could have launched it. You know, take the action now to get yourself out of there. And maybe it's just reaching out to people, sending out resumes, you know, going on interviews, connecting with your network and letting them know what you're looking for. Maybe it's you're starting to manifest this future of you leaving and creating that opportunity. You know, open that door to what is possible, take action against it, showcase your highlight reel for the world to see and start moving forward to get yourself away from that fear mongering knucklehead. Because that guy or girl is going down and you're not going down with them. So definitely get out of there. Okay, my next question was I had posted about a post that just said take your dreams seriously and I really take mine so seriously it's unbelievable now, but I didn't used to and so I really preach that a lot now and someone wrote me back and said, okay, I do, but what do you do when you, your spouse or significant other doesn't. You know, it's an interesting question and I have been asked this a couple of times and I'm certainly not a relationship expert by any means. However, what I do know is that when people don't believe in you, they're putting their limiting beliefs on you. They're kind of dragging you down. It does affect you, right? We can say that, you know, we create boundaries and protect ourselves. It's going to draw on you. So I would have the conversation with that person and explain in a real loving way that you know, I care so much about you. However, it negatively affects me and holds me back when you're not supportive of me. You know, we need people that are on our team, not fighting against us. And maybe they have fears that you want to go start your own company and they're fearful of what could happen. Maybe they're insecure and it's really about their insecurities and their fears of trying to do something new and they're trying to project it onto you and they think they're being loving and kind doing that, but the reality is it's not helpful and you've got to protect yourself from those situations, those people, and you've got to stand up for yourself and claim your greatness, whatever that may be. So, you know, surround yourself with other people that are cheering you on, stretching you and challenging you to take those risks and go for it. And you're going to decide you're either going to have that conversation with the significant other and they're to going, going to evolve beyond their fear and become a cheerleader and help support you, or they're probably going to weed themselves off the team because it's so rare that you see someone in a relationship and the other person is, you know, talking them out of what their hopes and desires are. That's just not a congruent fit and it typically is not going to work. So I would say, you know, first things first, have the conversation be clear on what you need and communicate that effectively. And then the other thing is, start surrounding yourself with people who do support you, who do stretch you, and see how different and good you feel in that vibe and things will start working itself out. But definitely take action, have the conversation, and don't let anything get in the way of you chasing down what you know is right for you. All right, thanks so much for joining me this week. Again. Love being here with you. Love being on this journey with you. Please, please. If you haven't yet, subscribe, rate and review the show. It helps so much. You have no idea and I'm so grateful for you doing it. Would love it if you could share it with your friends because this whole world needs to be creating confidence in every moment. Just like me and just like you. Thanks for being here. 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