#92: Betting on You with Laurie Ruettimann

Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited you're here. Well, I have to tell you, first of all, this month, the first month of 2021 has gone by so incredibly fast. I don't know about you, but I swear it has been one surprise after another. And these have not been small surprises. Okay, kicking it off. If you haven't listened to my show before, then you've got to go back and start at the beginning, please, so that you understand what's going on. But if not, I'm going to try to break it down for you. 2020, like most of us, was not a great year for me was really challenging. However, I kicked off 2021 with this really clear conviction and clarity around intention in manifesting my goals this year, regardless of what's happening. And it's so interesting, my producer shout out to my producer Barsi, she sent me this crystal. I've never known anything about crystals. I don't have crystals. Well, now I do. And anyhow, I started reading about the gift and it was really interesting because there's power in crystals around manifesting, healing, all these different things which I was not privy to this knowledge before. Of course, if you know, we're not around people that have this knowledge, there's so much knowledge we're just completely unaware of, whether it be in your industry, in your personal life, in your work, or in this instance in crystals. So I decided, okay, new year, let's give something a new shot. And I actually have a chapter about this in my new book which is coming out in November. I'm so excited. But when I started this year, I said I'm gonna be very disciplined this year each morning making a commitment for a few minutes just to focus on manifesting what it is. I want clarity, intention and. And now using my crystal, holding my crystal while I do this, I didn't have any idea what would happen. Right. So just to kind of give you a high level just off memory right now, the first couple days of January, Gary Vee highlighted his interview with me as one of his favorites from last year, which that came out of left field. I had no idea that was coming. I was super excited. So nice of him to do that. Then, oh, Harper Collins hit me with cut. 8,000 words out of your book that I had just submitted, thought was done and was ready to Go. That was a tough pill to swallow. I just got that done and submitted it on Friday. So now we standing by, hoping they like this version better. Okay, stand by with me. Good thoughts out there. Hopefully it made it, you know, that much better. And that's what I'm focusing on is these guys are experts in this. I've only written one book. This is my second one. So I'm gonna go ahead and lean into their expertise. Got it done. Hit the deadline.

Hooray.

Okay, next. What other crazy things happened and showed up? Oh, my gosh. I was appointed to the Board of directors of HealthLink. Got a phone call from our CEO this week, and he let me know that we are now working on a documentary. So there's some crazy stuff going on with this opportunity that I never saw coming. I'm super excited about. Had some great calls with my team there this week. Super excited. And a new board opportunity is on the horizon. Right now, I'm being considered for. Haven't nailed it down yet, but that's super exciting because I didn't know that was coming. What else happened? Well, something really big happened that I want to share, and I. It kind of just right now, it's taking up a lot of space, so I got to share the story with you. So here it is. So a year and a half ago, I put a video up on LinkedIn. And it's important to know I started this process by taking action and putting content out into the world. Put a video up about some sales tips that I was sharing with people. A Harvard professor happened to see the post and he sent me a DM and said, hey, great post on sales tips. Would you be willing to be a guest professor for my class at Harvard this semester? I freaked out because I could never have gotten into Harvard. I didn't. I wasn't the, quote, unquote, smart one. I wasn't the one with perfect SATs or great grades. I was the social one, the sales one. And I always saw myself in that designated lane. Right? I'm sure you've got some label or lane that you believe you fit in. Blow up those lanes. Live lanelessly. Come with me. Okay? But back then, I still was living in the lane. Anyhow, I googled the guy to make sure it was legit. I wondered if it was a friend of mine punking me, but it ends up it's legit. So I messaged the guy back. We get on a call, and I try to act very professional because I was freaking out. And I said, let me Ask you, John, why would you want me to be the instructor for your class? And he shares, he says, you know what? I'm an older white male. I have not been in corporate America in the arenas you've been in for years. And you're female. You broke the glass ceiling. You are a chief revenue officer. You were responsible for hundreds of millions in revenue, thousands of employees, et cetera. You've achieved so much. He said, you're a single mom and you're immersed in the social media side of sales, which I never really experienced. He said, basically, you have this whole expertise and experience that really complements mine because I don't have that. And so I was able to see myself through his lens. He was looking at me through these rose colored glasses, which a lot of people do. And if you don't realize that this is a great exercise for you to do, reach out to 10 people in your life, ask them what your unique value proposition is, what makes you special, unique and different from others, and you're going to get a chance to see yourself through their rose colored glass.

See?

See what's so special and fantastic about you? Save those messages, put them in an album on your phone. I call Mine Fam Love. And anytime I'm doubting myself, I look in there and remember what is special and unique about me. Because so often we don't see it ourselves. We think that that's just normal. So when I heard what was special about me through his lens as a Harvard professor, I thought, okay, this sounds legit. I'm gonna just give it a shot. And of course, I was super nervous and scared. And then the day of the day I was gonna teach his class, he called me and said, oh, one thing my students are really intimidated about you coming. Can you please share failures when you open, don't share your success. That was an aha moment. They were intimidated by me because of my success in business. Yet again, it just reminded me, take yourself off the pedestal, take Harvard off the pedestal. Take a celebrity off a pedestal, take someone with great sats off a pedestal.

We're all equal.

We're all going to be intimidated by different things. We all have things we're great at and things we're not great at. And when I decided to approach it as, wow, these guys are intimidated by me just as much as I'm intimidated by them. You know what? I believe in equality for everyone. I'm going to put us all on equal footing and I'm going to walk in there as their equal, not someone who's above them or below them because of business success or because of academic success were all equal. And when I got there, holy cow, it was a good thing I went. These kids, you know, young adults, adults, they had tremendous knowledge around books and had read so much more than I had. They had zero real world business experience or ideas and it was shocking. They were shocked by the things I taught them. They had no idea what really happens. They haven't applied their learnings from books into the real world yet. And I think we all know here books are nice and interesting. However, books just live on paper. That's not what really happens or transpires when you're face to face in business dealings with people. So they needed me and I felt so grateful I was able to help them and add so much value. And the feedback I got was amazing. Anyhow, it's really important once you expand your network. I had expanded my network to a professor at Harvard. Now it's important to stay in touch with that person. Turns out along the way that person ended up needing some help from me in a big way. And I was able to show up and deliver and I was happy to do it. I made a connection with him through another really important person in my network. That helped him immensely and it was all good. So anytime you can show up and help people in your network, you're gonna wanna do it, pay it forward. Anyhow, the professor that I worked with was just a wonderful human being and we've always stayed in touch and message here or there and check in with one another. Well, he gets a phone call last week from Harvard and he's starting his professional selling and sales leadership course for the new semester, 2021. And Harvard calls and said, hey John, listen, your class keeps growing and we know that, you know, we haven't afforded you additional revenues and support. We're going to go ahead and approve you to add an additional professor to the 2021 semester. We've got the funds available. Go ahead and submit who you would like us to consider and then if approved, we'll send you contracts and pay. So wouldn't you know, he sends me a text message, hey Heather, 911, call me immediately. And I call him and he says, would you like to be my co professor for 2021 at Harvard? And I of course did not hesitate. And here's why. As much as I was scared, last time I had already done it. I had taken the baby step. I'd gone to Harvard and taught the class and saw I could add value. So now, this time, as the second time in, it was much easier to jump in and say, heck, yes. Yes, I feel fear, but I know fear is a green light. That means go. He said, okay, here's the thing. This was on a Friday. He said, our first class is Monday. Our class is every Monday, three to five, virtual, right now. He said, so I need you to jump into the syllabus, do the work, get prepped, get ready. Okay, fine. No problem. So I did that. We had our first class Monday. It went fantastic. The downside is I have so many books to read to. When you're teaching something, you better know that material in and out. Oh, my gosh. I haven't been in school in so long, but I know based on the first class I taught and last week said, I can add so much value, help these people. And now I'm on faculty at Harvard, which really elevates my profile, my credibility, right? In all these different and new ways. And while the pay isn't huge, it's the upside that I'm going to leverage from the credibility, certification, validation of being on faculty at Harvard and being a professor 2021. So, long story short, it all started because I put a post up. And whatever you're doing today, it can all start by you taking action, you sharing who you are with the world, you putting yourself out there, and then you stepping into fear and deciding to see yourself through the lens that. That someone else is looking at you through. The other thing that I wanna mention that's a super important takeaway before I introduce our guest this week is people talk to me a lot about imposter syndrome, right? And it would be easy for someone to say to me, you know, didn't you feel like an imposter going in there? Cause you couldn't get into Harvard, but now you're teaching at Harvard, you're a professor. Isn't that a little crazy? And. Yeah, of course it's a little crazy. That's why I'm freaking out about it. However, I had this realization that I wanna share with you, which is the only way anyone can ever be an imposter is if they deliberately decide to show up somewhere as someone other than themselves. So I decided to show up at Harvard this week as me, and I decide to show up at Harvard from now on as me. And I'm gonna add value and Harvard just be ready. I'm telling you, that is definitely the way to get rid of imposter syndrome. It doesn't exist anymore in my life, and it shouldn't exist in yours. Okay.

No.

Now I want to introduce my guest. Today we've got Lori Rudiman. She's an influential speaker, writer and social media expert focused on HR careers and the human capital management industry. She created Punk Rock HR, which was recognized by Forbes as one of the top 100 blogs for women. Lori is listed as one of the top five career advisors by Career Builder and cnn. She's also a contributor for Forbes. You are going to love her really unique take on HR accountability and managing yourself. I' really excited for you to meet her. Hang tight. We're going to be right back.

Meet a different guest each week. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited to introduce you to Lori Rudeman. She's a former human resource leader turned writer, entrepreneur and speaker. CNN has recognized her as one of the top five career advisors in the US and her work has been featured on NPR and in the New Yorker, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Vox. She frequently delivers keynote speeches and business and management events around the world and hosts the popular podcast Punk Rock hr. She lived with her husband and her cats in Raleigh, North Carolina. Lori, thank you so much for being here today.

Well, it's my pleasure. Thank you for having me. I do live with my husband and cats, but I also foster dogs, so there's always something going on around here.

Oh my gosh, you're full of surprises. So let's get into it. I love that you came up in corporate America in Pfizer, nonetheless a massive pharmaceutical company. Can you share a little bit about that come up and how you ended up here now?

Well, the come up is always like the least interesting part of my story, but I'm happy to share it. You know, I was working in HR because I had student loans and a liberal arts background and I didn't know what else to do. And someone suggested working in human resources as a way to see the organization. And maybe I'd go into marketing, maybe I'd go into sales. But sure enough, I like people. It was a weird thing. And normally if you like people, you don't work in human resources because you have to focus on compliance and negativity and all sorts of issues. So right away I felt some dissonance, like I don't belong here. This isn't a good job for me. But I don't know about you, Heather, but I like money, so I like paying my bills. I like getting ahead in this world. And the more I worked in human resources, the more I had professional success. But it was at the cost of My soul. And it got to a point one night where I was in an airport. I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't feeling very good. I was doing a job that I didn't enjoy, that I had an absolute breakdown and thought, I need to make a fundamental change. And I did something that I'd actually been preaching for years. I believe that you fix work by fixing yourself first. And I thought, oh, my God, I need to take my own advice. I need to drink my own champagne. I need to work on me before I could even be good in the working world. And sure enough, I went down this rabbit hole of wellness and well being. And it turns out that if I love myself and I want to take care of myself, I can't work in corporate America.

Wow. I mean, that's a huge epiphany because. And I so relate to this, Lori, because like you, I was married to the paycheck. I used to call it golden handcuffs. You know, I didn't love the people I worked with or what I was doing, but I loved that quote, unquote certainty of knowing that money's coming in. And I say. I say that because I got fired, you know, so it was very uncertain, actually. However, I didn't have the courage to walk away. How did you get that? And I like that you use the word dissonance. You were starting to figure out, I don't belong here. But to actually know that you don't belong somewhere and then have the ability to make the leap, how did you bridge that gap?

Well, you know, I would love to say that I told Pfizer to take this job and shove it, because that's the drama, that's the story, the narrative that everybody gloves. But it turns out I didn't have that kind of bravery or that kind of roadmap ahead of me where I can say, you know what? Pfizer, stick it and I'm gonna do this instead. It was more of a slow roll. I knew that I enjoyed writing. I had been blogging on the side, and I thought, you know what? Maybe I can make a career out of this. So bit by bit, piece by piece, I tried to figure out all of that while still going to work. Which is why I really believe in this concept of being a slacker. Because what I did is I slacked off a little bit at Pfizer. I just dialed it back like 20%, 30%, and focused on that side hustle and still took my paycheck. And when I felt like I could launch with some Integrity. When I had a little bit of money in my pocket and when I asked for severance myself, I asked for a severance package. When I got that, I thought, all right, all the pieces are in place. I have a little bit of money, I have a little bit of confidence. I have the building blocks for a new business. It's time to go. So, you know, I would love to hear from people who said, take this job and shove it, and it all worked out for them. I have never seen that go down well. And I worked in human resources, I saw a lot of people just peace the heck out and leave. That's not a good road for anybody. And I didn't want to make those mistakes.

So you brought up the idea of asking for safety. Severance versus quitting. Can you give a little bit more color on that?

Well, when I worked in human resources, I saw all of these mediocre executives leave with packages. You know, they sat around either in their homes or in their offices for a year longer than they should have. And they were waiting to be exited from the organization because it was preloaded and built into their employment agreement. And I thought, I'm no different than a CMO or a chief people officer or why wouldn't someone pay me to leave? And so I tested that by simply asking, hey, can I get a severance package too? You know, we can clearly see this isn't working out. I'm not happy, you're not happy, but I can leave with dignity. We can make this a win win. And they said, sure, no problem. So now in my consulting practice, I teach a more in depth way to do that. And I coach people on language. But I give some of that information in my new book because I want people to know it is possible to treat yourself like an to put yourself first and to leave with a little money in your pocket.

So how did you go from leaving Pfizer to writing a best selling book? How does that happen?

Well, you know, it only took me a decade, right. There's never an easy path to do anything. I mean, I started out slowly by writing and working on my personal brand. And I came up in a time of the Internet where I didn't have as much competition. You know, everybody is out there now trying to be an influencer and trying to get their name out. The one thing that I did that I advise all new people to do is to really work on relationships. You know, the first year of anything. You're never good at your job, you're never good at being an influencer. You're never even good on posting photos, but what you could be good at is helping other people get their good stuff out in the world. So for the first year or two as I built my business, I really focused on being helpful, being of service, and I talk about this extensively in my book. The one way to build your network is to be nice and helpful. And so that's what I did. And from there opportunities came. I didn't turn my nose down and I just worked hard at being helpful and being likable and that opens a lot of doors.

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Quince.com/confidence so tell us about your book Betting on you. Which I love that title because for so long, myself included, for sure, I wasn't betting on me. I was betting on the company I worked for. I was betting on everything outside of me. So can you give us a little insight into why someone should bet on you and how you actually get yourself to do it?

Good questions. You know, I feel like I wrote a book that was learned from very hard lessons in my own life. And I talk about some of those lessons in the book, but I also talk about people who were struggling to bet on themselves and then took a risk and did it. And the one thing that I like to tell people is that you should run your life like a business, which means really understanding risk and taking smarter risks. So in the book I teach this idea of a pre mortem. I ask people, before you do anything really risky, before you quit, before you stand up at a meeting and give this big idea, do a little exercise, just for a minute, write down all the ways you think it's going to fail and set a timer. Just do it for a minute. Be silly, be irreverent, be funny, be serious, be think about what would happen if I did the thing I want to do and it blew up in my face. And when the timer goes off after a minute, look at that list and then fix that stuff before you do it. So if you're about to interview for a big job, think about how that's going to fail. Well, you might be too sweaty, you might make terrible eye contact, you might babble. Before you go into that interview, use that list to work on those tasks, those skills. And if you work on it, you improve your chance of success by over 30%. That's research, that's science. Give yourself a competitive advantage by de risking an activity just like a company would.

Wow, that is really stellar advice. And I had no idea in regards to that research. You know, so many people are afraid of taking risks now, given the climate that we're in. You know, the uncertainty around the pandemic, the uncertainty around the economy, the uncertainty around politics. What are your thoughts on taking risks when you're in an even more uncertain environment?

Well, there is never a good time to walk away from a paycheck. Unless you're born of generational wealth or you hit the lottery. It's very difficult to take a risk and bet it all, so you don't have to do it in big, huge chunks. I gave an example where I worked at Pfizer and created a roadmap, a plan to start that next phase of my life. A lot of people think, you know, it's not fair I should be able to do the things I want to do in this job. How come I have to leave to pursue my passion? And I have two thoughts on that. You know, if you think a job is going to solve your problems and give you opportunities, you've got some delayed development here. You're not an adult. Because the only thing in life that's guaranteed are the things you do for yourself. The only risk that you can really take is a risk on your own destiny, a risk on your own autonomy.

Me?

You cannot invest in a business and expect a return. You can only invest in yourself. So if you're in a job that you hate and you want more, you can go slow, but you can do it. You can create a plan. And I'm sorry, it has to be somewhere else. That's terrible. It's not fair, but life isn't fair. So do the things you need to do to get through the day at this current job, but focus on that plan to go elsewhere to do that thing you want to do and really make a plan. Don't just, just dream, don't just complain, but think about the six steps you need to exit with dignity and grace and relaunch in a fresh and new way. And so I talk about that in the book extensively. People who feel like it's unfair that they have to go elsewhere because their workforce is toxic, their boss is a jerk, but you're never going to change that. I know this from working on the inside. You are never going to fix a toxic environment or a toxic boss. It's time to move on.

Oh, my gosh, that's so true. And yet again, I lived that one myself. I thought, well, I can focus on my division and I'll make the sales division, will be powerful and positive, and we'll build momentum and we'll have our own culture. And I truly believe that. And I thought, I'll ignore this negative person and she's in finance and I'm over here, and we're going to change the culture. And I will tell you that negativity and toxicity will seep into every crack of a company, whether you're a willing participant or not. It is impossible unless you are the most senior person in the organization and you say, this is where the buck stops. I'm changing it. Unless that happens, it won't change for sure.

I think there is something to be said around accepting that people are flawed and human and they're going to be terrible and everybody has bad days and no company is perfect. And that's why I encourage people in the book to also have these really rich, developed personal lives. Because if we fix work by fixing ourselves first, we're going to have better relationships with the people we love. We're going to have things to do even in the era of COVID when none of us want to leave our homes, we're going to have things going on in our lives so that work is just one piece of a puzzle instead of everything. But you're right. If a company is so toxic, there's no way one person is going to change that. I have a professor who taught me that everybody has a first day. Everybody walks in, optimistic, positive, happy, and then they somehow become complicit. And it's more likely that you're going to become like them, jaded, cynical, just cash in the paycheck. Then you're going to change the culture. So take that energy and go elsewhere where you can really make a difference in the world.

Lori, what about for the people that are listening right now that own a company that are saying, oh, my gosh, I hope that my employees don't feel like this. What advice can you give them?

Well, you know, this is a really hard spot to be in because so often founders are myopic for their own culture. They don't have any idea or they make assumptions about what it's like to work for them. And very often they're wrong. So I will tell you that small businesses, new businesses, often suffer from culture problems the most because the owner is trying to do it all. The founder is trying to be head of sales, head of marketing, you know, and so one of the Things we can do when we're founders, when we're owners is ask really good questions to our workforce. How are you feeling? What's it like to work here and then to listen, not to judge it, not to problem solve it, not to defend it. And it's very difficult to ask these open ended active questions. So not why do you feel the way you feel? But, but how do you feel? When do you feel like this? Where are you most successful? Where do you see the obstacles in your work? These open ended questions can really help us understand what it's like to work for us. And then if there are culture problems, to bring in some experts. And I know when we have to bring in experts, we have to invest. But if we don't invest early in our culture, it only gets harder.

So true and so good. Thank you for sharing that. That was really good advice. I hope people are hearing that. It's sometimes very to actually hear and look in the mirror and say, I'm willing to take this leap, but hopefully they do. You bring up a point of defund the HR division. Like what is the whole point of having hr? And I love this because I look back at my time in corporate America and when you made that point, it really resonated with me because if we're actually leading, we don't really need hr. Can you explain that a little bit?

You know, there's this conversation right now around defund the police and it's very toxic and very political. But I think at the core of it, people are talking about let police do police work and then reallocate money to bring in the experts to help. And there are a lot of similarities in the world of hr. You know, technically HR is just there to make sure the company doesn't get sued by employees. And yet we ask HR professionals to be crisis counselors, to be corporate advocates, to do all of this work that they're not trained to do. They're like me, they have a degree in English, they like Jack Kerouac, they don't like all this legal stuff, but yet they found themselves in a position to do work that they're not really qualified to do. So why don't we take a fresh look at the HR function, really narrow it down to the core things that they could be good at doing and then let legal do their job, let finance do their job. Bring in some experts when you need psychologists, bring in some experts to do training and really have HR often act as project managers, which is what they're really good at. Kind of like air traffic controllers for the workforce. Right? We need this. Let me go get these experts. We need that. Let me tap into my network and bring people in. But when we ask someone to be a jack of all trades, they're really a master of none.

It's such a great observation that somehow so many companies are missing the boat on. I love the work that you get into around boundaries and creating boundaries. That is such an important topic for 90% of the people that I come into contact with. Can you explain a little bit about what you tackle around boundaries in the book?

This book is really based on a fundamental break in boundaries. In my own life, I really felt like there was no time for myself, there was no time for good work, There was no time for personal lives. So whether it's investing in well being and learning how to say no because we're really guarding our physical, emotional and financial well being, or whether it's being a self leader and taking individual accountability for our calendars, there is something really for everybody in this book. But I think boundaries at the core come from the fact that we're not confident in ourselves. We don't feel we have agency to say yes and to say no. We worry that if we say no, we're going to get fired or we're going to be dinged or diminished. And I think that work around feeling confident, making sure you're not, not feeling like an imposter is the work of our lives. Heather, I don't know about you, but when I worked in corporate America, I operated out of this real framework of fear. And it takes slow, individual steps, testing the boundaries. You know, starting in the small moment with a boundary and getting good in the small moments so we can nail it in the big moments is the journey. So I'm not asking you to go into your CEO's office and say, you know what, I'm not going to this meeting, I got stuff to do. But you can practice during a zoom call, when someone shows up eight minutes late, you can say, you know what, I was about to peace out of here. Why were you eight minutes late? And see what happens. You know, like just test the boundaries and the small moments. Get good with your peers so that you can try it when the stakes are high. I don't know. Heather, what do you think about that?

I couldn't agree more. I actually, one of my coaching clients yesterday, I was working with this exact topic and she's so positive and such a wonderful person that she has a habit, a bad habit of laughing things off to Brush it off. Which is actually not creating boundaries. So we started with. She had one client who was calling her late at night, you know, completely inappropriate behavior. And she had let it go on. She'd allowed for it. So now we talked about, okay, it's a client. At the end of the day, you're gonna live. Worst thing that ever happens, he doesn't want to deal with you anymore. Cause you don't take phone calls at night. Then you know what? We're gonna have to say yes to that. That. That's going to have to be okay. You'll explain to him. Unfortunately, I know that I've allowed for this in the past. However, it doesn't work with my schedule any longer. If you want to speak, we've got to do before 5:30pm and respect my time, just like I respect yours. She had the conversation and the guy didn't flinch. It was fine. So she came back and said, oh, my gosh, I can't believe this. And she said to me, maybe this is something that I need to look at in all of my relationships. I said, oh, my gosh. Epiphany moment.

Yes.

Love it.

So she said, okay. My boss yesterday said to me, I need to hire this person, but it's my hire and that's not the right person. I said, so how did you respond? She said, I laughed. And I said, okay, now how can we go back and revisit this with boundaries and like, what are some of the questions that we can ask and how can we allow him to know? Wait a minute. You put me in charge of this position. Part of that is actually deciding on the people on my team. I really like the opportunity to see this through and pick the best candidate, not just your candidate. Can we move forward in that agreement? So that's her new task that she's taking on. So couldn't agree more. That you've got to start somewhere to test this whole concept. And once you see, oh my gosh, I didn't die, I lived, I survived. Then you can have that epiphany. Wait, I need to start applying this everywhere.

What you're really talking about is so smart, Heather. These are rules of engagement, almost like a rules of the road. And we don't do this enough in our peer groups. We don't do this enough at work. We don't define common language and say, what do you mean when you have an emergency? And can we define emergencies a little bit better? So I'm not getting a call at 10 o' clock at night or can we agree that if you do call at 10 o' clock at night, I'm going to answer because it's a true emergency. So I just love that what we're talking about at the core of all this is enhanced communications. That's what the rules of the road are all about. So I love what you did with your client and frankly, I'm excited to hear about who she hires. The HR nerd in me is curious.

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I'm so excited for her to stand up for herself. And I'll tell you just a quick story. When I was in corporate America, this is so disturbing. I was such that person with zero boundaries and I was would pride myself on it as I'm the go to so much so 10 days after I had a baby my then CEO called me and said I need you to board a plane Heather and go give a speech for me. And I said okay. And it's just mind numbing to me now that I allowed for that. And now I recognize we're always teaching people how to treat us. And if I could revisit that conversation right now it would have been oh my gosh, I guess you didn't hear I just had a baby. Let me send you some pictures over. I'll send the pictures and call you right back. And made it crystal clear that I just gave birth. There's zero chance I'm boarding a flight.

Oh I want you to look at that younger version of yourself and give that person a hug in your mind's eye, because that woman was clearly on a different journey than you are today. And I think so many of us have these moments in our careers that we feel are cringeworthy. But I like to give my younger version of myself a high hug, the one that was having a breakdown in an airport, and just say, you know what, I get it. Of course you said yes, Heather, to getting on a plane, because that's where you are and were in your life's journey. But the key is, what did you learn from it? Like, that's the question. What did you learn from all of this? Whenever I make a mistake, it's real easy to beat up on myself. And years later, I spent decades really just cringing at this person I was until I asked, asked what did I learn from it? And sometimes the answer was, oh, snap, I didn't learn anything. I'm making the same mistakes over and over again. And that's been a wake up call as well. But then other points I can say, oh, I've learned how to set boundaries. I've learned how to engage differently. I've learned how to say yes and no. And that has made all the difference in my life. So I want to give that younger, early mother version of you a big hug and say, you know what, you went through that so you can be where you are today, teaching other individuals how to have boundaries themselves.

That's so good to be reflective. Otherwise, yeah, we can end up beating ourselves up and that does not work out so well. I've tried that myself before and we are not revisiting that one. No, thank you. So, Lori, you brought up communication, and right now, more than ever, communication as a leader, as an employer, as an employee is paramount. We're having so many issues with everyone working from home. What are some of the tips or tactics that you can share around how we can communicate better or more effectively?

Boy, if I only had those answers, wouldn't I just be on a yacht somewhere in a. I think communication is the topic du jour these days. And like, for me, less is more. And so I like to think of every time I send out an email or I speak to someone as having a budget with my words. And how am I going to use my words in this email? And so I know, let's say that a good email is less than 100 words. How am I going to spend every single word that I write? And so I really put some time and I Spend my energy thinking about how can I be clear, concise and brief and get the heck out of there. So whether it's zoom, whether it's email, the briefer the better. These days, people are on cognitive overload, so a 20 minute Zoom call is exhausting. But a 20 second text, if you can be clear and concise, is much better. So that's the best tip I have for the day because we are all exhausted. I don't know how you feel, Heather, but if I never did another Zoom call, I would be okay.

Yeah, it really. You know what's interesting? I had my first in person client meeting a week ago. You know, prior to the pandemic, all my meetings were in person. Now they're all on Zoom. And it was so interesting to the energy. Just being even socially distanced from someone with a mask on was so much more positive and engaging. The time went by so much more quickly than the meetings that I have on Zoom. You make a really good point. People are just over the technology piece of it. It is draining. And if we can tighten it up and be more concise and respectful of others time, that would really be helpful for everyone.

The other thing somebody told me, like an esteemed colleague of mine, is that when we're on Zoom, we're watching people watch us and we're not really listening to communicate and to be understood. So if we can turn off the screen or use the old school phone, because the visuals of Zoom, while they make us feel connected, can also distract us from what people are saying. So I'll tell you, I mean, I did a Zoom holiday party with my family and it was fun, but I was totally and completely distracted by what was going on in the frame. And then afterwards when I called and talked to my family members, I felt like I had a much richer conversation. So I felt that resonate in my own life. Sometimes the screen does more damage than it does as a benefit.

I totally agree with you, but it's become the new norm and if you don't turn the screen on, people are freaking out. Why don't you have the camera on? It's actually kind of fun.

It sure is. But then you know what I do? I'm like, let's grab the phone. Because there's no expectation that someone's going to hold up their iPhone for 20 minutes and have a conversation that's not happening. So that old school phone is actually a way to get in there, to be brief, to be concise, to have a conversation and get done a 30 minute Zoom meeting is like a meeting we used to have at work where we're just filling time, but a 10 minute phone call, bam. You get in and out, you get the stuff done. And it's like my philosophy of being a slacker, do it right first time, get in, get out and use that 20 minutes that you've saved for something fun or more interesting or frankly just to go to the bathroom.

I couldn't agree more. One of the hacks that I really liked that you had shared was around scheduling yourself first.

This is a big philosophy in my coaching practice in my life and something I've learned firsthand. And I don't try to fit in self care time where I can take it. I actually schedule it in on my calendar. I put my personal life on my professional calendar first. I always do this. So that means on my calendar is my morning routine, my lunch break as well as my evening routine, and then my exercise as well during the day. Now I have some luxury because I'm self employed. I can do this. But if you work in corporate America, you can absolutely schedule your lunch. And the biggest thing that I think is missing from our calendars are individual time to learn. So you only need 10 or 15 minutes a day to go watch a TED talk or go on LinkedIn learning or go on Coursera. You don't have to learn anything new about your job. All learning is worthwhile. But employees and workers who are learning have happier engagement scores. So scheduling that time to learn 10 or 15 minutes a day is super important. The other thing I schedule on my calendar is slack time. And I don't mean slack the app, I mean old school slack where I can just catch up on stuff. I have 30 minutes where it's like, this is the time if I need to make a phone call, I need to, you know, pay a bill, whatever it is. I've got 30 again. If I need to like run to the grocery store, I've got 30 minutes that I can go and do this. So that slack time is just so essential for me that I don't give it up. And once you start to see the benefit of all of this, if you give it up, you know that you need it even more. So that's how I feel about it.

It's so true. I have so many friends who are in corporate America that tell me that now that they're working from home, their day is going to 7 or 8 at night where before they would shut down around 6 or 7, 6:30, and they're not scheduling bathroom. I Mean ridiculous amounts of back to back to back meetings. And they feel panicked and pressured to do more and more and they keep saying, but I don't have that option. You're lucky, Heather. And it goes back to what you just said. If you start your month, your day, your week with blocking out, I'm already booked, you know, between 7 and 8am let's look at the openings that I do have available. You know, that's a different conversation. And you start protecting and honoring yourself and your time.

Isn't it interesting the stories we tell ourselves? I mean, I told myself those stories for years. I can't do that. I don't have the luxury. I'm not able. And I was right because I didn't have the luxury because I didn't give it to myself. I wasn't able because I didn't set boundaries. And I actually wasn't running my life in a way where if I did get fired, it wouldn't have wiped me out. Of course it would have wiped me out. So until I started working on mine, my physical, emotional and financial well being and really giving myself the space and grace to set those boundaries. And you know what, company be damned, I'm gonna put in a bathroom break today. And if I get fired for that, oh well, that happens. But until I worked on my confidence, my mindset, my scheduling and also my finances, so I didn't fear getting fired. Well, I didn't feel good about taking those risks. So this is definitely a journey of a lifetime. Nobody can do this alone and no one book can really solve your problems. But hopefully I give some good ideas. I motivate people to go to the eap, go see a therapist, go talk to experts, or just talk to your friends who are nailing it. Ask them what are they doing, how are they getting it so right. Walk through their day with them and see if you can learn.

Where can everyone find betting on you?

Betting on you is everywhere. Books are sold. So if you go out in public, you can find it at your local bookstore, but it's definitely all over Amazon, Bookshop, Indie Bound, Target, wherever books are, that's where betting on you is. And I've got a cute little website, bettingonyoubook.com with a lot of free resources, tips, hacks, ideas, and hopefully the website is of service to people.

Oh, Lori, you're so much service to everyone. Thank you so much for being here and thank you for writing betting on you.

Thank you so much. Heather.

We'll be right back.

I asked you to try to find Your passion. I hope you enjoyed meeting Lori as much as I did. Okay, on to our questions. As you know, when you shoot me, DMS on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or at my site, heathermonahan.com I'm always going to answer your questions here live. Okay. Hey, Heather, how do I find my passion? I'm 36 years old and still feel lost. Even though I'm a pharmacist and have a lot of postgraduate degrees. My last one was an mba. I'm a mother of three and have a full time job. I feel distracted and no consistency. Hmm, interesting. What's really interesting to me is how this person frames up. I have a lot of degrees. Like, as if that's supposed to make you happy and fulfilled.

Nope.

So here's what I would suggest. Number one, sit down and write down what was it that you loved to do when you were a kid? Did before people told you that you couldn't do it? Right. I've mentioned this before. I used to love to act and be on stage when I was very young. And then I was told, you can't do that for a job. So I stopped doing it. You know, fast forward 40 years and here I am jumping on any stage I can to speak. It's not surprising, right? So look back to a time when you weren't being told what was possible for you and think of what was it you love to do then connect with. Now how can you incorporate that into your life? Right. So for me, that was when I started doing charity work. They started asking me to speak at events, which started getting me back on stages, which you have to start somewhere with. You taking action, you raising your hand, you starting to do things differently. And if you've got three kids, you're probably gonna have to have someone help you and watch the kids and. Or make time for yourself, make yourself a priority. If you don't love being a pharmacist, you need to pick your head up and make a clear decision that you're gonna start finding what it is you do, love to do. You might want to journal to find that. You might want to start meditating. For me, it's exercise. That's when my best ideas come to me. You might want to find calm, which is hard with kids in zoom school. Right. That's been super challenging. There's no quiet and peace. And it's how can I find that peace or create that peace? Leave the house and go for a walk, which is super helpful. So you've got to find your space to Start getting in touch with yourself to know what it is you really like. And you might want to ask people who have known you for your whole life, hey, what were the things that you thought I really loved to do when I was younger? Or when are the times you've seen me really light up? Start reconnecting with what those moments are. And you might say, oh, I already know it's when I'm drawing, but I can't get in business drawing. Well, start drawing anytime you get a chance. Start spending time following people in the art world. Start reading about art galleries and start connecting with that world. You will see opportunities will start to arise and you will start to connect them. If you take action and raise your hand, ask for help and spend your time in that space. That would be my suggestion there. Okay, this one. Hey Heather, wanted to tell you, love your post. Thank you. You brighten my day. That's so sweet. I've been struggling finding the right place to work. I've read your book over and over. How do I get unstuck and find the right place to work? Okay, so this is super interesting to me, the idea of get unstuck, stuck. I hear this from a lot of people. So you're probably in a rut or a routine. And let me give you an example. So for me, I was working out during the pandemic at a park outside. And while it was so fun because I love being outside and I'm grateful for that opportunity, I heard that Soul Cycle opened up on a rooftop and was having a socially distanced class up there. So last week I went and I got a little nervous going. I thought, oh, is it going to be safe? Is it really socially distanced? Am I going to know how to fill out the form? I have a mask on. Am I going to be able to breathe all the crazy concerns in your head? But let me tell you, once I got on that bike and started pedaling and the music started blaring and I was a part of this tribe that I haven't been a part of in a year since the pandemic hit. I felt so grateful, so invigorated and started noticing so much in that moment about myself and having positive thoughts. What I'm sharing with you is not that you should go take a Soul Cycle class. Well, you should if you want to. But I changed it up. I for the last almost whatever it is, eight months I've been going to this park and working out and that's my routine and I hadn't been changing it Up. So change it up. What is your routine? What is the rut that you're in? Are you just sitting in your house all day, not going outside, not, you know, seeing other people? Change it up. For me, that workout change up, boom. Impacted my attitude, impacted my energy in a really big way. So what can you do differently now, today? What can you incorporate differently? If you go to the same coffee place every morning, don't go there, go somewhere else. Whatever this rut and routine you're in, you gotta change that. If you're only talking to certain people each day, Boom. Stop that. You know, I was hosting this women's empowerment event all week long. Anyone could join for free. Start showing up at events like that. Introduce yourself to new people. Network online.

Fine.

It's so easy, you know, you might say, oh, that's easy for you. No, raise your hand and jump in. You can do it too. What is the worst that is going to happen? The way to get unstuck is to take action and start doing things differently. Look around your life, see who the villains are, the people who are trying to hold you back. Fire them. Create boundaries for yourself and start reaching out to new people. Start following people on social media that encourage you and uplift you and start open your mind to, you're in charge of the reality that you're creating, the actions that you're taking and you're in charge of if you're stuck or not. So start deciding to say, I am moving forward, I am taking action today. And drop the I'm stuck and you won't be. That's my feedback for today on your questions. I would love it, as always, if you could rate and review the show. It helps so, so much and would love it if you could share it on social. When you do, I always repost. Just make sure you tag me and I will repost anything that you post. It means the world to me. If you need more information on how I can help you, go to heather monahan.com I've got my video course, my book. There's lots of resources there for you. Lots of free resources too. So until next week, I hope you're creating confidence because you know I'll be creating mine just happens to be at Harvard. Holy cow. Until next week. Create your confidence. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear.

Start learning and growing.

Inevitably something will happen.

No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Come on. This journey with me.