Confidence Classic: Build Your Business, Reinvent Yourself, and Rise Stronger with Alli Webb, Founder of Drybar

I think that's what confidence is. You know, it's like you have to, you have to just own it and be who you are. I'm not usually the smartest person in the room. I might be the most hardworking and ambitious, but not usually the most, you know, I'm scrappy and I figure things out as I go and that's just me. And that's what's made me me. And I think the more that people accept whatever their strengths are and play to those versus trying to be something you're not is really when you shine.

Oh, that's so true and so good. Step into who you really are and stop trying to be who everybody else is. And that's when you're going to take come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow.

I'm ready for my close up.

Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus Confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. I'm so excited that you're here. This week is a holiday week and I'm not sure how you feel about holidays. I know there's definitely mixed reviews. If you are my son, you are the most excited person in the world because there's no school, no getting up early, no homework and getting to play with your friends. So he's super excited about that. But I think it's somewhat different as we become adults and go into the holidays. There, there sometimes feels like these very high expectations for these finite windows of time that things should be so fantastic and everyone's so connected and everything's so beautiful and everyone's so grateful. And I definitely don't concur with that. You know, I, I feel like sometimes it can feel like a lot of pressure. There's issues around who you're spending the holiday with. If you're being judged for that because people feel you should spend it with other people. If you know you're in a relationship, if you're in a bad relationship, you know, if you like your in laws, if you don't like your in laws, there's all of this expectation, judgment and pressure. In some ways that can be very difficult and, and I guess as an adult now, I definitely see the holidays so differently. Of course There is definitely something magical about the holidays. And with Thanksgiving, celebrating gratitude and everything that we can be so grateful for is truly a beautiful thing. But there can be that darker side and, and I wanted to jump into that a little bit today. And that's exactly why I am airing my interview today with Ali Webb. Because not only is she a phenomenal entrepreneur, I mean, this woman's built over a hundred million dol empire and she's launched a brand new company, but she's also recently divorced and she's thriving, but she wasn't thriving through it all. And today she really opens up into her personal life. How she became so successful and how she lived through this really heartbreaking last year to two years and how she's rebounded. And it just really hit me with the holidays that no matter who you are, you can have all the money in the world and be so incredibly successful in your business and, and so happy living a passion driven, purpose driven life and be your own boss like Ally and then find a time where things aren't good personally and you have that realization and struggling with that and what that struggle is like. Especially around the holidays, I feel like there's this bright spotlight on everyone in regards to who you're with and who you're spending your time with. And every Hallmark movie that you see is some beautiful relationship and couple so happily married and this idea of family that looks so perfect. However, I, I definitely, I don't have a perfect family and I don't really know many people that do. So, you know, kind of stepping into what's real versus what's on the Hallmark channel this time of year can be helpful so that we lower expectations on ourselves. And also, you know, looking at the holiday and looking at Thanksgiving and what are the roles that we're expected to play versus really just showing up as ourself and being ourself. You know, what are the lanes that we were put in as children and with people that have known us for such a long time, you know, we might not be spending as much time with these people day in and day out. So it's different the lens through which they see us during this time of year because you tend to spend time with people that you aren't spending time with regularly anymore. And I just think it's sort of an interesting, it's an interesting time and I want people to know that for sure. I feel pressure. I feel like I'm letting people down that I'm not with. I feel that, you know, some people get frustrated with Me because I didn't choose to spend time with them. But I also learned the older that I've grown that, you know, sometimes you need to do what works for you in that moment. And feeling bad about your choices is. Isn't going to ensure you have a great holiday. No, it's quite the opposite. Feeling good about who you are and good about listening to your inner voice and making the choices that work for you in that moment is okay. And you don't need to apologize for that. For a long time. I would apologize for not flying across the country to see my family. And, you know, I'm at a point in my life now that I see other people make decisions for themselves that work for them. They don't need to apologize to me about that, and I don't need to apologize to them either. You know, the travel situation is a major issue when you don't have family that's close by and, you know, where does the onus fall? Who's supposed to travel where, who's supposed to at the end of the day, just do what you want to do. And there are going to be different times where things are really stressful, maybe for you at work or, you know, in different situations with your health and. And travel isn't something that you're up for, and that's okay. You've got to make those decisions for yourself. And I just feel that the holidays really shine that light on. Are you doing things right? Are you truly happy? How is your relationship? You know, all of these kind of unrealistic expectations, I guess, and there are plenty of people out there that might be in great relationships right now, and I'm super happy for them. But I also know that things are temporary and, you know, whether you're thriving in your personal life right now and your business is not going so well, that's temporary. It won't stay like that forever, you know, so it's kind of riding that wave of life and knowing that there will be peaks and valleys and things will change. And, you know, it's really up to us to accept ourselves for who we are and to be grateful for what we have in this moment, for whatever it is. And that's why I'm really excited for you to hear Ali's story, because she's reached such, you know, the highest 1% in the world level of success as an entrepreneur now as a Shark Tank guest. She's just incredibly successful in business. However, she's gone through a really tough time personally, and she chooses to open up about that. And I think it's really important for everyone, regardless if you're married, divorced, single, or, you know, no matter what your situation is going into this holiday week, to hear how on the outside, you know, you can be on the COVID of Inc Magazine like Ali Webb and Fortune and Forbes, and, you know, be touted as the top entrepreneur. But when you're struggling personally, whether people know it or not, life can be really hard and dark. And if you're going through a tough time personally during the holidays, know I'm right there with you. And it's time to lower the expectations and, and be grateful for what we do have. Embrace those people that love us, that we love, and to focus on that. Good. Because what we focus on is what we are going to attract more of. So if we choose to focus on what we're lacking, what we're missing, what we wish we had, we're going to get more of that lack and unhappiness. And, you know, gratitude is so where it's at. So stepping into your gratitude, to sharing your gratitude with your friends, with your family, with your children, it's a really powerful tool to use, especially at the holidays when there is this pressure. But there's always something to be grateful for. I'm constantly so grateful for my son. It's mind blowing. I'm so grateful for every single one of you, for all the DMS I get. I mean, I am literally brought to tears, if not daily, at least on a weekly basis, by the amazing DMs I get from you and notes, and it's just. It's so incredibly powerful. However, I do want to share this. Conversely, you know, I, I received some really negative feedback today and it actually made me laugh. And I'm sharing it because I don't want you to think that, you know, yes, my work's going fantastic and I'm so happy I found this line of work and this calling. However, it's not all roses every day. Gary Vee just put a video up of him and I on YouTube and, and I'll tell you, I was reading through the comments, which I, I like to read through the comments. I know there's going to be hater comments. I mean, you can't reach an audience of however many million people and not have some negative feedback. I'm very unique and I'm different. So I know I'm going to get great positive feedback and I'm going to get really negative feedback, and I've become accustomed to that, so that's okay. And I see it as a positive that I'm shining my light and I'm not for everybody. And that's fantastic. But one of the comments in our conversation, I had shared a story with Gary of how broken the business model is in retail and some retail stores, you know, old school big box retailers, and I was talking about Saks Fifth Avenue and how, you know, they're, everyone's buying things online and I had gone in the store to return something and anyways, it was a really broken model where the salesperson was chasing me out of the store, asking me to try when next time I purchase online, to try entering his coat code so that he could get paid. It was very awkward. The guy didn't have training. You know, there was clearly no direction from the, from Sachs to instruct people how to manage to get people to use your code. You know, how could we incentivize clients to do that? How could we make it helpful for them? Why would it add value to them? You know, you could tell none of these discussions had occurred from a business standpoint and I had just mentioned it in context with Gary about how business models need to innovate and disrupt and how so many are not and now they're paying the price. It was not a huge part of the conversation. Anyway, someone happened to latch onto that comment, called me the B word and said that I've clearly never worked for anything in my life and that I don't know what it's like to be a salesperson trying to hustle. Which that's hilarious because all I've ever done is work for everything in my life and I've been a salesperson my entire life, so it was kind of funny. Anyway, I'm just letting you know that while there is so much good in my work and positive comments I get, yes, I get some really nasty ones to attacking ones, people swearing at me. So here's the thing. We're not going to make everybody happy. And as you walk into Thanksgiving week, I want you to know you are not alone. But just show up as you lower the expectations. Know that I'm sure we're going to get some negative feedback, but at the end of the day, our job is to set boundaries. You know, be grateful for the opportunities that we do have, be grateful for what we are standing in and who we're with and to focus on the things that we want more of. Because when we make that choice, life will inevitably get better. And I'll tell you, I'm so excited for you to hear this interview with Ally. Because if, like I said, if you are alone, if you're in a relationship that's not going great right now, or if you're really feeling a lot of pressure going into this holiday week for what other people might expect of you, I think you're gonna feel so much better after hearing from someone so incredibly successful how hard the road has been for her lately and how she's managed to turn it around and how she believes anyone can because she's seen it firsthand. Which, you know, again, it just reminds us you are not alone. So that was really important to me this week with Thanksgiving here. So I hope everyone's gonna have a fantastic Thanksgiving. Hang tight, I'll be right back. Meet a different guest each week. I'm so excited to introduce you to Ali Webb. She's an entrepreneur, New York Times best selling author. I'm blown away by that. Founder of Drybar and co founder of the new Squeeze. She's been named the hundred most creative people in business by Fast Company. Featured on Fortune magazine's 40 under 40 list. Marie Claire's most famous fascinating women. That's really impressive. The hundred women building America's most innovation and ambitious businesses. Webb is currently the host of Raising the Bar, a podcast she launched with her brother and business partner. The weekly show provides a platform for budding entrepreneurs. In 2018, Webb appeared on season 10 of ABC's Emmy nominated hit show Shark Tank as a guest shark. Recently, Webb opened the doors to her next business, Squeeze, an innovative massage concept that lets you book and pay online. The latest extension of her expand. She currently resides in Los Angeles with her two boys. Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much.

I'm so excited for you to be here. So Ali, for people that don't know you, if they've been living under a rock for the last decade, can you give us a little background into the beginnings of your entrepreneurial journey?

Well, man, I mean I grew up in an entrepreneurial environment. My parents had their own business as early as I can remember. So I think it was just kind of embedded in me, that entrepreneurial spirit from the time I was a little girl. You know, I grew up like sweeping the floors and my parents clothing stores, that's what they had in South Florida. And you know, both my parents were entrepreneurs. So I just always, I think I always just. Well, I always treated every job I ever had before I started my own businesses as like it was my own, like I own, like I was the owner of whatever job I was working at which always kind of annoyed My co workers, because I was very ambitious. But I think it was probably, you know, such a gift and a blessing from my parents because our best employees and the people that get hired and the people that stand out to us are the ones that treat it like it's their own. And that's, you know, in my humble opinion, should be how everybody approaches any job ever, no matter what it is. And so for me, that's. That's really how it all started. I was just, you know, grew up in that environment, have it in my blood, and, you know, can't imagine not being an entrepreneur, really.

That's so funny to me, having come up through corporate America. The antithesis. Yeah. So it's so interesting to me to meet people that had this desire and confidence and passion from the beginning to bet on yourself. I'm just. I'm very impressed by that.

Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I think when it's all, you know, it's all, you know, it's all you do. I mean, and interestingly enough, are, you know, a lot of people around me who didn't grow up in that environment just don't have that same mentality. Some do, some don't, you know, but it is kind of just a way of life for me.

So where did drybar come from?

Well, I have naturally curly hair, and growing up in South Florida, my hair was, like, ridiculous, crazy and frizzy, and I just was so obsessed with trying to get it straight, and I hated it curly. I didn't. I couldn't really articulate it. I don't think back then, but I didn't feel really put together. And when my hair was blown straight, whether I would, like, convince my mom, who was not a hairstylist, to do it, or, you know, once I started working as a receptionist in the local hair salon, and they would blow out my hair, I was like, oh, my God, this is the greatest thing ever. And I loved the transformation that happened and how I felt when my hair was blown out. And, you know, this is when I was really young. And so, you know, fast forward to, like, after high school and trying to figure out what I was gonna do with my life. And all my friends were, you know, had their majors and knew what they wanted to do and were going to college. And I was like, well, shit, I don't know what I want to do. And, you know, at that point, I thought I wanted to work in fashion. So I moved to New York City and worked in fashion for a little while. And then my brother, Michael Landau, who's my current business partner in Dry Bar and Squeeze. Him and I were both working for Nicole Miller, who was a big designer 20 years ago in New York. And then we moved back to South Florida, opened up a couple Nicole Miller boutiques together. And here I was like having this career run two retail operations between Miami and Boca Raton. And I was not happy and it was not what I wanted to do. And my brother and I were fighting like cats and dogs. It was just a mess. And that was, I must have been all of 21 then. And I was like, this is not it. This is not what I'm going to do the rest of my life. And I decided at that point to go to beauty school, which, you know, against my parents, like better judgment. And you know, my brother really was the only one who thought like, this is a good idea for you. Like you love hair. You know, I spent hundreds of hours in my bathroom as a kid trying to figure out how to get my own hair straight, which I couldn't figure out until I went to beauty school and started working in the industry. And he was like, this is, you're great with people. Like you love hair, it's perfect, you know. And I was like, yeah, it's perfect. And so I went to beauty school, fell in love with it instantly. The second I walked in the door I was like, these are my people. This is where I'm supposed to be. And I loved beauty school. And while I was at beauty school, I worked at a, at a hair salon of a friend of mine's dad owned, John Peters, who really taught me everything I knew. I know about ha. And he was the owner of the salon and I was his assistant. So not only did I learn hair from him and he was an amazing, talented stylist, but I also learned the business side of it, which I didn't mean to learn. I just was always around him. So I was hearing everything that was going on with the business constantly. So that was an education that I didn't know I was getting, similar to the education I didn't know I was getting from working at my parents place as a kid. So, you know, all of these things have really made me who I am. And I moved to New York City, I worked in hair salons there and I actually like true 20 something. I also then decided to stop working in hair and ended up in PR for a little while. I was jumping around and I was kind of following where the wind took me. And I've always just had that kind of free spirited way about me. And I met my now ex husband when I lived in New York City. We moved from New York to la. I had two kids and thought I was gonna be a stay at home mom forever. And so I was like, what?

Where did that just come from?

Well, I should back up because I was working on my career and doing hair and doing all these things, but I had this desire to have kids, like, really since I could remember. And so, you know, when I met Cam and we moved, you know, from New York to la, I was like, okay, let's like, start a family. And so we had two boys and I loved being a stay at home mom. And I thought that was gonna be it for me, like I was gonna stay home with my kids. And I felt so lucky that I didn't have to work anymore because I'd been working since I was 16 and now I was like, you know, 30 and. And I felt like, cool, like I'm just gonna, like, kick it with my kids and this is gonna be the greatest life ever. And I felt so incredibly lucky. And, you know, and Cam was a creative director at an advertising agency. He had a great job. You know, it was like, life was great and I loved doing that. And then I had my second. I had my first son when I was 30, and then I had my second son a couple years later. And I, you know, was a stay at home mom. And I was like, you know, living my life at parks and with my friends and mommy groups and all that. And all of a sudden, kind of out of nowhere, it hit me like, this is not enough. And I needed to do something for myself again, and I needed to, like, use my brain. And I. That ambition and everything that I had kind of came bubbling up to the surface and I was like, well, shit, what am I gonna do now? And so, you know, actually my best friend and I started like this little party planning business because she was really good at that. And then I realized, this is not. This is not gonna do it for me. And because I had all these years in doing hair and I loved styling hair, as you can imagine, based on, you know, trying to figure out blowouts in my whole life. And when I would do a haircut in, I loved getting to the blowout because that's when it really came to life when you saw the client get really excited and happy. And so I was like, why don't I just. As a way to be able to still be with my kids and do something for myself, I decided to start a little mobile blow dry Business where I basically was running around la blow drying all my mommy friends when their babies were sleeping. I posted something on a local mommy group that moms would come to. Where's the best stroller? What do you do if your kid has this? So I put something on there. It was like, it hit like 5000 moms in LA. It was a Yahoo group, which was not a thing anymore, but 10 years ago or 12 years ago it was. And so I said, I'm a local stay at home mom and I'm thinking of starting a mobile blow dry business where I charge, I don't know, $35 or $40 to come to your house for a blah. I know it wasn't really about making money, obviously. It was more about getting out of the house, getting away from the kids for a couple hours and doing something for myself that was very gratifying and satisfying. And so Cameron was my ex, made me a little website. I named the business Straight at Home. And I was off and I started posting it kind of all over town and I started getting calls left and right. And it was really my first marketing lesson because Cam said to me, if you make the website cute, people will call you. And he was right. And the website was super, super cute, very simple, very clean. And people started calling me and I got flooded. I was so busy so fast. And I loved it because I was getting out of the house, I was talking to adults, I was making a little bit of extra cash, which I'm sure I didn't actually make any money between gas and running around la, but it was exactly what I needed at the time and it gave me a little bit of freedom and it got me out of the house and so it was perfect. But what I couldn't have known at that time was that what I realized was when I wasn't able to go to my clients, which was starting to happen more and more because I was only one person, I'd say to them, what do you do when I can't come to your house? And they're like, well, I either begrudgingly go to either the Fantastic Sam's, a local chain and get a blowout. And it's like I'm sitting next to a kid getting a haircut, the lighting is bad, there's variable pricing, it just kind of sucks, or I go to a full service salon where I'm overpaying close to 100 bucks for a blowout, which that is not sustainable. So I was like, huh, there's something missing here. And that's When I started talking to my brother and Cam about turning my mobile business into a brick and mortar, it was also in 2010, so it was in the middle of a recession, and everyone thought I was crazy. How do you sustain this business? And I wanted it to be really inexpensive because I wanted it to be the kind of thing that women would do frequently, not just for a special occasion. And really nothing like it existed. I mean, did not exist. Now they're kind of all over the place. But it wasn't like that back then, and it was really risky. And anyways, my brother had saw the success I was having in my mobile business. And Cam had said, I always noticed. He's like, you get your nails done once a week, and I rarely notice that, but when you get your hair blown out, it's the first thing I notice. So he was like, I think this is a great idea. Michael thought it was a great idea. And off we went to start building this. And my brother had a good friend who was an architect, Josh Heitler, who had worked on some projects that Michael had been working on. And he was like, my little sister has this idea for a hair salon that just does blowouts. Would you be interested in helping us design this? And he was. And there's so many different. I could go on for hours about all the little things that we did in the beginning, but there's Josh and Cam and me and Michael that we were so. We all had such different skill sets and brought such different things to the table, but it was this perfect storm. It was like we'd captured lightning a bottle with all our different expertise in different areas. So we opened the first store in 2010, February 2010. And it was ridiculous. I mean, women were lining up. It was so crazy how it just struck a chord instantly with women. And we were busy and full from, like, the first day. And, yeah, the rest is kind of history.

You know, it's so important that you mentioned when you have that moment where you see. And I like that you called it lightning in a bottle. I've had those moments in my life. So many people will see that experience and feel that. I know that people are understanding this right now, but then for whatever reason, crawl back to what you're doing.

Well, it's scary, you know, I mean, you're right. I hear that all the time. And I think that so many entrepreneurs or want to be entrepreneurs, you know, get this. Like, there's too much I don't know to do this. Like, I have this idea, but I don't know what to do, and I don't know this and I don't know that. And, I mean, there were way more things I didn't know about this business than I did when we started. And, you know, the sheer, you know, the amount of phone calls that you have to make and the amount of research you have to do and all the things. There's a million things, truly a million things that, you know, and they were all kind of question marks for me. And it's just like, you kind of just keep going and you keep trudging through and figuring it out as you go. And that's. I think you have to have a certain, like, thick skin to do that to be okay with the unknown and walking into something that may not work. And, I mean, that was certainly something that we faced. Like, there was a very good chance this wasn't gonna work. And I think for me, it was like, well, if it doesn't work, my brother will lose money. We put our life savings into this business, which wasn't a lot of money, but it was all we had, you know, because we so wholeheartedly believed in it. But there was a chance it wouldn't work, and there was a chance we were all gonna lose our money, and that would have been sucked, but nobody would have died. And that's kind of how I always thought about it. Like, we will.

We will go on.

We will do something else. We were figured out. We were all really smart, capable people. You know, it's like, I think I have a very high, like, threshold for risk. And I believe in, like, no risk, no reward. And you have to just put it out there. And, you know, I don't know where that comes from, but it's definitely in me. And I think that was really helped inform, you know, what we did. And I think I thought we weren't thinking on a very big scale. I really thought it would work on a very small scale. I thought, you know, I had enough women who were loving what I was doing at the price I was doing it at. So with Drybar, it's like, well, I believe at least one store would work. I mean, LA is a really big place with millions of women. Surely one location would work. And at that time, that's really all it was. And I was gonna pick up my kids from school and run this shop during the day, and it'd be my little livelihood. And that's really. That was the dream. In the very early days, we had no idea how well received it would be and that it would Turn into the phenomenon that it has.

And how many stores are there now?

There's 135.

Unbelievable to know that it started with that one and that you thought that was probably just. It was never some big picture plan for this.

No, there was not a business plan. I mean, Michael, my brother, he had a real estate marketing company at the time. Cam was, you know, a creative director at a big advertising agency. He was like, let's see what happens, you know, and then the fact that, you know, I remember so well calling Mike, well, it was just so bananas. It was so bananas in the beginning. I didn't take a day off for six months. I was there seven days a week, mostly because I wanted to be. And I was afraid to leave it in the hands of anybody else because it was just so intoxicating what we had done. But I remember calling Michael and being like, we have got to get a second location. We were kind of like that cool nightclub that nobody could get into, which is not what you want to be in a business. And so we opened our second location in Studio City and then West Hollywood and Palisades and then Fashion Island, Orange County.

Each time you did that, was it just as scary again as this thing? Still gonna be lightning in a bottle or no?

It was so scary. I would say up until like 50 something stores, I bet. You know, Michael always, like, it was this kind of joke with us that he was like, well, we have to continue to prove the concept because it worked in LA and then in some places in la. And then it was like our second city outside of LA was Dallas, which obviously it works in Dallas, but it wasn't obvious then, you know, and it was like every new city that we opened up in, it was like, does it work here? Does it work here? Does it work here? And it was like I kept saying to Michael, like, have we proven the concept? Have we proven the concept? Because in my mind, we proved the concept with the first store. I was like, where there are women with hair, dry bar will work. And for the most part, that's true. I mean, what we have learned is like, there's a certain demo and we need a lot of women in a small area. You know, it's like sometimes when we've talked about opening in, like, beach cities, it's like half our demo is the ocean. So it doesn't work simply by the fact that there's just not enough women living close enough, because we do need to do a certain amount of volume every day for the concept to work. So you know, we've, we learned and we figured all that stuff out.

But.

But yeah, I mean it was like a pretty, pretty crazy. Like who knew?

Meet a different guest each week.

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I asked you to try to find your passion so people look at you and they see you as this phenomenon, this entrepreneur, ultra successful, had this amazing lightning in the bottle idea, product, pursued it and it exploded. But life hasn't been perfect for you.

No, no. I mean, it's been so intoxicating growing this business over the last 10 years. And we have just been on this rocket ship is what it felt like. And just thing after thing, store after store, launching a product line. We have a product line in Sephora, ulta, Nordstrom, over 3,000 points of distribution. The product line has been hugely successful. That was like a business within a business. It was just like thing after thing after thing after thing for 10 years. And I would say about, you know, we've raised over $75 million. Like, it's just been a really crazy, you know, road. And I've learned so, I mean, for someone who didn't go to college, I certainly have an MBA in business now because of what I've learned. And so it was just like, you know, one thing after another kept coming and coming and coming, and it was so exciting and thrilling and raising two little kids in the same time. So it was like all I could do was, you know, the majority of the focus of my life, as you would imagine, was dry, barring my children. And. And during that time, we brought in a professional CEO, John Hefner, who's just been a godsend and really helped get us to the next level within the business. But I certainly lost myself in those 10 years in some great ways and some not so great ways. I think my marriage also got very lost in that time. And I've been somewhat public about having gone through a divorce last year and well over a year into that now. But, yeah, I mean that, you know, when I kind of, like took a deep breath and looked around, I was like, oh, shit. But we've got some personal issues to deal with here. And so I, you know, we made the very hard decision to separate and divorce that was, you know, not part of the plan and something I didn't see coming and something that really Kind of knocked me on my ass, to put it. I mean, you know, you've been through divorce. I mean, it reminds me of the scenario when people don't really tell you what to expect when you have a baby and you're like, you are so overwhelmed and sleep deprived, and you're like, well, what. Why didn't anybody tell me this? I think it's the same thing with going through a divorce. You know, I don't. And I'm sure it hits everybody differently, but for me, you know, I was married for 16 years, so having that, you know, one I went through, again, I can talk about it all, but I went through a lot of different things to try to, like, heal myself and to get back on my feet because I was, you know, it was kind of, like situational depression that I kind of went through. And, you know, I remember somebody said to me once, you know, your husband held this energy for you that nobody is holding anymore.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's really powerful. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I hadn't thought of it like that because I was like, why am I. You know, this was a decision we made. It was a good. It was the right decision at the right time. And why am I, you know, and of course, you know, people tell you it's a death, and it's like mourning a death and whatever. And I was like, yeah, that didn't resonate with me. But what resonated with me was the energy of, like, oh, there's a person that I normally call at the end of every day. There's a person that I just, like, tell all the stuff to. It's just that person that is there. And when that person that's there is gone and you have to be that person for yourself, it's like, whoa, you know, it's a lot.

Well, and adding the children into. There's never. And this is a complexity that, in my opinion, never goes away. Will never be another person that's going to care as much as your two kids, as your husband. I don't care if you get remarried or not. It's impossible.

Of course, it's not your own offspring. Yeah.

It's just different and. And letting go of that and then dealing with the issues that arise with kids and whatnot as it goes on, that parts, you know, you're always tethered to that person, just in a different fashion. And, yeah, that dynamic is. That can be hard.

Yeah. I mean, and thank God, you know, we have such a great relationship. We still work together. We, you know, we're business partners in squeeze our new business. And, you know, it took a minute. It was rough. Pretty rough there in the beginning that, you know, figuring out how to not be married but still be friends and raise. Raise these kids and deal with all of that, like, that was like. Also, there should be like a class about this.

Like, what do you do? Needs to be a class. I was at my son's third birthday, and I'll never forget yelling to my ex husband to go grab something and do this. And he walked over to me. His girlfriend was at the party. And he walked over to me and said, excuse me, we're no longer married. You can't speak to me around like that. I'm your right hand. And I wasn't aware. I truly wasn't. I was just doing it out of like, okay, like, like, let's do this and this. And you need to be taught this.

Stuff, like, to even be self aware.

That, oh, my gosh, you can't talk to someone the same way that you had before. Those days are over.

I know. I find it really interesting. And Cam and I work together still, and we're on set a lot together, and we film a lot of things together. And it's usually like, him and his team in charge of it because they're like, the creative force. And I'm, you know, I'm the one who's like, more or less the talent when we're doing things like that. And so I have to take direction from him, which is always a little challenging.

Odd.

But I will say that I think we're both kind of on our best behavior now. But I understand that. And now I understand that because I, you know, I'm just very like, ginger about, like, asking him to do things and, you know, trying to not fall into that, like, old routine of like, can you do this? Can you do this? Cause it's just not like that anymore.

It's so good that you're aware.

I mean, I'm just. I'm very. I'm so hypersensitive, you know, to it. But, you know, I still do ask him to do things. We still have to, you know, we talk about. We have to talk about the kids. I mean, we text for the most part. I mean, conversations, solutions. Yeah. Or a little, you know, we're definitely more challenging in the beginning. We do talk on the phone a little bit more now, but.

But that's putting boundaries in place where there didn't need to be any previously. And that, for me, was a learned experience. Learning that you can't just, oh, there's a problem. I've got to call his father.

Yeah.

Instead. No, if the, if you, if you've got your child and you've got an issue and it's not life or death, you don't need to alert them. And the next time there is a chat thread or whatever, you know, put it on there and move on. And those things are just adjustments.

Yeah, it is a trip, like learning how to adjust from that. And I totally agree. I mean, you're right. Unless it's like, I really need help with this because something is like really dire, you just have to figure out on your own. And that did take me a minute. I mean, I definitely was like, you know, texting him about things that were pretty small in the beginning and he was like, figure it out. You know, I'm like, it's good.

But I'll tell you, it's good he did that. I'll never forget my ex had an ex and she would call for anything and everything and you never see it so clearly until you're on the other side of it. Right. And then I thought to myself, I am never doing this again to my ex husband calling for some BS that I need gas for my car. You know, give me a break. At some point you have to just say, I'm gonna be a grown up here. I'm gonna create boundaries. And this is a different relationship now. And that's for men or women, not just adjust for women.

Yeah, 100%. And it's, everybody's got to adjust. And it's so interesting to me, the more, you know, I've talked about this and like my friends and whatever how, you know, some people are just, are really like good at it and some people really struggle with it. And then there's like, you know, then there's like sad situations of. I have friends who are going through divorces that like their husbands are like just being terrible to them and they always, they were like the breadwinners and they're like cutting them off and all of that stuff. And it's rough. Extremely grateful for the relationship that Cameron and I have and the maturity that we've both shown. And listen, at the end of the day, what matters the most is the kids. And if there's that bullshit going on, it's the kids that are gonna really, you know, suffer more than anybody else. So it's like you have to put your own personal stuff aside and do what's the greater good for the kids is how I see it.

Anyways, what was the transition point for you? Because you said at first it was challenging. What. What happened? Or was there one instance that occurred that you said, okay, we've got to change how we're doing this?

I think it was more just time and space. I think time to each heal separately and to just get comfortable and like, just practice more being in this. And I don't think there was like, one thing in particular. I really think it was time that just, you know, healed us both. And, you know, we both, like, you know, really struggled in the beginning in our own different ways. And we both needed, like, space from each other to do that. And, you know, so people hate hearing that.

And I feel for them because if anyone's just splitting up, my heart's breaking for them hearing you say that. Because of course time heals everything. But it sucks having to wait and listen.

One of the things that I've talked about a lot, which a lot of people said to me was like, you know, the only way out is through. And I hated it so much.

I don't blame you. I don't like that either.

I'm like, I don't want to go through. I want to go around, you know, But I learned that you can. And so that was, you know, what kind of sent me on this, like, you know, what became a bit of a spiritual journey for me of like, you know, I started doing transcendental meditation, which was like, life changing for me.

I don't even know what that is.

You know, meditation, of course. Well, transcendental meditation is like, where you kind of have to get trained on it. There's a place here in la, the David Lynch Foundation. David lynch is a big proponent of this. And, you know, they say it's really great for like, creative people who really need to like, you know, pull it in and chill out. And I had a couple of friends who had also gone through divorce that had told me about it and that it was like, very, very impactful for them. So I looked into it. I went and saw the director at the place, and it's like four consecutive nights and you have to do it. It's like a Monday through Thursday, and you go every day from like 6 to 7:30. And they kind of teach you about it and how you do it and what it means and how it works and all of that. And really the short version of it is they say that it transcends you and into like another. You kind of like, how do you explain it? I mean, you kind of like go to A different place. It's a weird feeling because you don't. Which I'm sure a lot of people experience just through, you know, traditional meditation. Whereas you. You really like. The idea is like, you know, to think, to stop, like, your thoughts, which come anyways, but, like, if you can, and like, to just, like, really, like, relax your brain and your mind from, you know, the constant, like, treadmill that it's. That we're all on. Sure, of course. But transcendental is like, you get your own mantra, which you don't ever share with anybody. It's personal to you, and it's a little bit of, like, the ceremony that you go through to get it wherever you learn it. So I don't know how other cities in the world do it. I just know my experience in la and it was explained to me, and I'm such a visual person that they showed me a picture of what your brain looks like when you're in this fight or flight mode, which is like, basically the frontal cortex of your brain, which is where you make all the decisions from. They call the CEO of your brain when you're in fight or flight mode. Like, that is if a bear is chasing you, you just are reacting because you don't want to die. And there's a piece of that that happens when you're in this, like. Which was the state I was in for a while, which was like this. I'm just so. You know, there's so much anxiety and panic and all of these things that I can't balance that out. I didn't know any of this until I sat down with the transcendental people. And they show you a picture of your brain and where your blood flow should be. Like, even around your brain, when you're in that fight or flight mode, it's not going to the frontal cortex as much as it should be. So you're not able to make decisions physically from that part of your brain, so you're making decisions from the bad parts of your brain. And again, I'm not a scientist. Anybody who's listening to this, if I don't have this 100% correct, don't kill me. This is just how I understood it. And once you go into this transcendental piece and you do this meditation, it helps, like, you know, basically, like, relax your brain, your mind, and the blood flow starts to be more, and they say more balanced, and they say it's cumulative, and the more you do it, the more effect it has. And it can really, like, it's almost like A detoxing of, like, your inner, you know, stress and drama. It's fascinating to me. And I was like, I'm so in for this. I think this is the greatest thing ever. And I started doing it, and it was like. I remember the first time we did it, I was like, yeah, I feel a little better. And it was like, the more and more I did it, I was like, I felt better, and it just really started to have such a strong effect on me. I don't think it was that alone. I think it was the combination of that. I was seeing therapists, like, twice a week. I was reading, like, every book under the sun. I mean, I was just, you know, I was like, give me all the stuff, because I've got to figure out, you know, why I feel I was just like a puddle on the floor. I was, you know, and I couldn't get myself out of it. And it has kind of awakened this thing in me of like, wow, you know, I know now because I talk to so many people about this. Like, how many people feel like this so much of their lives? And I never did. You know, part of it, I think, was because I wasn't, like, allowing myself to feel as, like, deep as I do now. But I. Yeah, that. I. You know, I think that's why I feel. I read a book called Light is the New Black, and it's, you know, it's very much about what lights you up, like, what makes you passionate and excited and, you know. And I have my own podcast, Raising the Bar with My Brother, where we talked about business leaders and budding entrepreneurs kind of across the board. And I find myself being drawn to their more personal stories, the back end of the business part of it. And it's funny, because my brother is always like, okay, let's get back to how you grew and scaled your business. And I'm like, But I want to hear about their personal side, the journey. And that's where I have found now that I'm more drawn to, probably because, you know, what I've gone through, what my family has gone through in the wake of this diversity that just shook our lives up so much. And so I'm, you know, I kind of feel this, like, you know, this need and desire to kind of share what I've gone through, because it's just where I am right now. And, you know, we were talking earlier, I think that for me, my whole life, I've really been very true to what resonates with me personally. And I've tried to really follow you know, my passion and the things that I'm excited about. And right now this is just, just, it's weird. It just feels like kind of my calling of like what I'm, what I'm most interested and passionate about is like, I guess raising awareness on this. Like, there's lots of things out there that people can do to make themselves feel better. And I think that that's like, you know, I've said before, I think if everybody did like meditation and everyone worked on themselves, like what a better place the world would be. Because I noticed, I think from the transcendental and all the other stuff I did, like I go to a Reiki healer, I did, I've gotten a little bit woo woo that I'm a better mom. I am far less impatient. I don't blow up at my kids occasionally, but I rarely lose my temper anymore with them. And so it's had such a great effect on me that I often find myself thinking if everybody did this and everybody had this sense of calmness about them that they could channel, imagine how much better the world would be.

Meet a different guest each week.

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Asked you to try to find your passion. So what's interesting to me is we're talking about divorce as the catalyst here in this instance. So that's finite and clear and defined. What you brought up though is that you recognize people had the same exact feelings you had as a result of divorce Just in life in general. Yeah. Overwhelmed, upset, anxious, loss, Feeling like a puddle, depressed, whatever it is. So it doesn't have to take a catalyst like a divorce to bring you to this place to say, okay, I've got to do something to change this. No matter how long you've been feeling terrible, it's too long. So today can be the day to say, I'm gonna do something different today.

And change it 100%. I mean, and also on that, anybody listening and feels that way. I also read a book called Super Attractor by Gabby Bernstein. That's a great one too, you know, because it really talks about, like trying to, you know, it's a piece of it, like talking. It talks so much about how, you know, you have to try to find the good. Choose again. Choose good. And just how like, you know, being grateful. And I write in a journal every day, that's like the things that I'm grateful. Or even if it's like the trees outside, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. My dogs, my house, my kids, if I'm having a good hair day, it doesn't matter how small it is. It's just those things that there are studies that you can actually change the neuro pathways of your brain if you have a grateful mind and heart. And I know how some of this sounds, that it does sound a little lofty and woo, woo. And I wasn't that person. So I think that I so wholeheartedly believe all this stuff. And I guess part of why I feel so strongly about it is because I just, I want more people to experience like what I've experienced, you know, as, as a way to feel better.

But that's what's so cool about you, is that you were that super type A overachiever, incredibly successful entrepreneur, American story. And now sharing how hard it's been personally, what that devastating time looked like and how you're rebooting and rebuilding and stepping into a greater power than it sounds like you ever even had before.

100%. Yeah. It's a trip. It's funny, I get asked all the time in interviews, like, you know, where do you see yourself in 10 years and 5 years? And people always ask me that. I always said, you know, I really don't know. It's, it's, it's. Can you continue to build dry bar? We're gonna, you know, and now we're building squeeze and doing. And I'm, you know, doing that stuff. But, you know, I just, it really surprised me too, which is, it's like the beauty of life, right? It's like, to be able to, like. I feel incredibly lucky that I'm able to, you know, that anybody even wants to hear what I have to say. It always kind of trips me up that people are like, you know, when I get asked to go speak at big conferences or, you know, speak to, like, colleges, that's also a really interesting one for me because I didn't go to college, and I'm like, are you sure you want me? But, you know, you know, I feel really lucky and grateful to be able to do that. And I think that, like, you know, when you do have a bit of a platform to be able to share stuff, like, this is important. And I've been really, also incredibly, you know, lucky to be friends with people like Gabby Bernstein and Brene Brown and people who've, you know, helped me so much on my journey that I just feel, you know, so compelled to share it.

I have to tell you, I was a guest professor at Harvard this year.

Oh, no way.

I would have never been able to get into Harvard ever. And so I had that same kind of moment that you're explaining.

It's like imposter syndrome.

A little that fraud mindset. Is this a joke? Am I being punked? Like, I really was tripping out. And it's so nice to hear that someone who's had this kind of success that you've had with DryBar in your companies that you felt that same way. That dripping. I'm happy to hear that we are not alone. No.

And, you know, I'm sure if, like, you were to ask anybody, you know, super successful or not, when people ask you to do things that just seem like a dream, you're like, you know, I think we all feel that. I mean, I don't know. I think imposter syndrome is, like, a real thing. I was recently, like, featured on a list, and it was all, like, a bunch of very famous women. And I was like, what the hell am I doing on this list? You know, I mean, it was my first thought. And then I was like, well, this is really amazing. And, you know, I was on the COVID of Inc Magazine a couple months ago, and I was like, man, what a.

What? What?

That's so messy. You know, it's just so crazy. It's all so crazy. And it is not lost on me for a second, you know, how. You know, how lucky I am. And, I mean, and obviously, I've worked hard, really hard, you know, and there's, you know, there's the fruits of My labor, our labor has been pretty phenomenal.

It's amazing. All right, so there still are hard times, I would imagine. What is it like entering dating now after being married for. You were married for a really long time.

Yeah. Oh. I mean, you probably know it's rougher than rough, which, you know, I was kind of excited to start dating again and I. It was. I mean, the amount of times I feel like I've been punched in the face figuratively this year. I mean, holy shit. And dating was a huge one, you know, dating. And, you know, I'm like a handful. I'm a lot, you know, I have a lot going on in my life. I, you know, I have a very, like, I'm a little bit high maintenance, you know, and so. And I realized that, and I think that, you know, dating was much more challenging than I thought. And. And it's funny, I've just kind of started talking about this because I was using all the apps and doing all of that, and that wasn't proving to be super great. And on my podcast, Raising the Bar, I had just kind of ended it with this guy I was dating and the founder of a company called the Three Day Rule. Her name is Talia. She was on my show the very next day, and she came in and she was talking to us about her company and what she does, and it's a matchmaking service. And I was like, like, huh, this is interesting. You know, she basically was like, listen, like, the reason we started this company is because dating apps are how people are meeting these days. You know, it's like you're just not meeting people, like, in bars, at least. I don't know, maybe some people are, but I don't go hang out at bars. And most of the events I go to are all chicks, you know, so I'm like, I don't.

Or married couples.

Or married. Right. So. Or my friends are, you know, so it's like, where in the world do you meet people? Especially in la. So. So she's talking about this as, like, how hard it is for people to meet people and the kind of people they want to meet and their job and what they do as a company. And her personally was just, like, always really great at setting people up and people always kind of, you know, she kind of. The company she was working at E. And everybody used to line up at her cubicle because she would, like, connect people that nobody would have ever thought would connect, and then they would get together and married and, like, she had, like, incredible success rate at setting People up. So she decided to start this company. And, you know, basically what they do is they go out and they find people, you know that, and they kind of like vet guys and, like, want a relationship where they are in their life. All these things that you would want to ask a guy on a first date, like, do you want a relationship? Like, what are your thoughts on this? Like, really direct, really direct. But, like, we're not gonna ask that on a first date because you kind of could seem crazy, but I may.

And I don't care about.

But you should actually. I mean, I was just listening to this episode, a podcast, and this woman was talking about sorting and you should. You should know from the get go before even you go on a first date. Like, are you interested in a relationship? Because if you're not, like, we shouldn't even bother.

Do you like kids? I mean, certain things.

Is it a problem? Like, do you want another child? Like, I dated a couple guys who were like, yeah, I want kids. And I was like, oh, the kitchen is closed, my friend. There's no more kids.

That's it.

You know, so that's not gonna work. But, you know, but at that point, you've gone on a couple dates, you kind of like this guy, and you're like, well, shit, what do I do now? You know, know. So they vet all of that for you. And so you don't even meet a guy until it's like, you know, potentially the right guy. And I did meet somebody, and I've been a relationship with somebody I met through them. That's so exciting.

I'm so excited for you.

Yeah, it's. I mean, it's crazy. So I'm. Now I'm like screaming from the rooftops like, everybody should use this because it works.

You know, that is so wild. But you took a chance to do something different and a lot of people don't want.

Yeah. And listen, I felt like it was like, is this desperate? Is this weird? You know, I think there was like, stigma around the whole thing. But then it was like, no, this is so incredibly efficient they are doing. You know, it's just like a. It's something that they're doing that is making it much, much easier to meet people. And that's. It's crazy that we live in this world where we're so incredibly connected and yet we're so incredibly disconnected. He's like, you know, know, whatever. Everyone always has their heads in their phone. It's like sitting at a coffee shop where, yeah, you could potentially meet somebody. But there's no inclination to talk to another person because they're buried in their phone. So even if there was a chance of meeting somebody in a coffee shop, which is an innocent good way to meet somebody, or at the Apple store, I don't know, wherever, no one's ever going to do that because everyone's in their phones, which sucks. So these guys I think are making it just easier to meet people. And so.

So you brought up something funny that I think about a lot. You know, when you're a female, but it could be for the males as well. With a big personality, a lot going on. However you want to, if you want to call it high maintenance, if you want to call it type A, whatever it is, it typically in my opinion, my experience and with people I know in similar situations, it's hard to find a match for those people because the other person, even if you end up with that person in a long term relationship, they can be resentful or feeling less than, you know, slowly see that happen in relationships and it's so awful. And recently I had the opportunity to work with Sarah Blakely and Jesse Itzler on an event and I got to see their relationship and I used them as an example because Sarah's so large personality, so strong, you know, really vibrant, type A. And Jesse's equally as big, equally as strong and confident. And to see them together, it was like two equals. Not where. And sometimes you see that disconnect where one personality is so much bigger than the other, it just, it's inevitably doesn't work out.

Yeah, no, and that's kind of what I was finding, you know, I do need somebody who's very strong and has. Can like you know, be really where I'm at in life, you know. And that is a hard thing to find, you know. And really I guess any. It's all hard for everybody because you need somebody who matches you one way or the other.

Exactly.

You know, and if when you sit down and you talk to the, you know, the matchmaker people, you kind of tell them what you're looking for, what like your non starters are. And it's like the new dating app, you know, it's. I think it's a great way to go.

That is so wild. I'm so excited for it. So no one ever gets off the show Ali, without sharing their. Whatever time in your life you struggled the most with your confidence.

I would say probably.

I mean the.

Most was probably when I was like in my 20s, you know, when I was really trying to figure out my life and what I wanted to do. And I think, you know, I don't think I was just, like, lost and flailing and trying to figure it out. And I think that I was. You know, that was probably the most difficult time in terms of confidence, you know, and then once I started to get on the right path and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, things got a little easier. And I remember there being, like, this kind of lack of confidence, like, right around starting dry bar, because I thought this was a great idea. And then once we started bringing in our private equity and we formed a board, it was like, these guys were all Harvard graduates, and they were so super smart. And I was like, oh, I don't know if I can hang in this environment. And so I remember I would text. In board meetings, I'd text my brother a question because I was afraid to ask it out loud. And he would always say, no, that's a good question. You should ask that. And so I was like, oh, I am actually really smart. But it took me a minute to get comfortable in. Like, I had had this idea. It's a great idea. You know, I'm not traditionally smart. Like, I don't read spreadsheets, and I don't have that. You know, I. Numbers, like, are in and out of my head. Like, that just doesn't stick. I'm not that interested in it. So that was what I kind of equated smart as is, like, if I'm a numbers person and I'm book smart, which I was not, so I didn't think I was smart. And then when I, you know, it hit me, like, you know, I know how to run a business. I know how to get the best out of people. I know how to, you know, know, do a lot of things really well. And so that time, and my brother's, like, my very best friend, and he's, like, my biggest fan. And, you know, when he was. He really gave me that confidence to kind of be like, no, no, you got this. You know what you're talking about. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I do.

He's such a good wingman.

Yeah, amazing. I think that's when my confidence really, like, came into bloom, was during that time in those early days and when I started to kind of own it. And I think that's what confidence is. You know, it's like, you have to. You have to just own it and be who you are. I'm not usually the smartest person in the room. I might be the most Hard working and ambitious, but not usually the most. You know, I'm scrappy, and I figure things out as I go, and that's just me. And that's what's made me me. And I think the more that people accept whatever their strengths are and play to those versus trying to be something you're not is really when you shine.

Oh, that's so true and so good. Step into who you really are and stop trying to be who everybody else is. And that's when you're gonna take off.

Yeah, and it's. And there's an authenticity. Authenticity to that that people are drawn to. And I've learned that and I've seen that, you know, the truer I am about who I am and what I've done and what's worked and what hasn't. That is when I think people are the most drawn in, is when they. You're like, you're no bullshit. And it's.

It's real.

So people want. I mean, and that's, like, what we need so badly, I believe, you know, And I think that's where things like the filtered life that we live in, this Instagram, you know, which is why I try. Listen, I'm guilty of it, too. Like, I filter pictures. Like, I put up, you know, good pictures, but I will also sprinkle in, like, you know, some truth in there of, like, what. I mean, it's all true to an extent, but, like, some of the harder stuff, you know, without it becoming too sappy, you know, it's this kind of balance. But we're all living in this life that's like, you know, our whole lives are on display. It's all a highlight reel.

And it's.

It's like figuring all that out is really hard.

It's bizarre.

It is bizarre, which is why I love doing things like this and talk and having these conversations where I can say what I really think and how I really feel. And I think every. You know, I've also recently said that, like, I just. I hate small talk more than anything. You know, I just want to talk about the real shit. And, you know, it doesn't always have to be super heavy, but, like, let's have, like, a real conversation about real life and what's going on. And the more I've talked about the struggles I'm having, the struggles I'm having with my kids, whatever it is, either. Usually someone else, like, is like, oh, you know what? I went through that too. And then there's like, this, like, camaraderie and this, you know, common ground. And it's like, if everybody could just speak their truth a little bit more, you know, it's like the world would be a better place.

And it's nice to know that you're not alone because you feel that you're, you know, supported and in good company, and that's so important.

Everyone's going through something. I've always felt like that.

I feel like, so true.

My mom taught me that as a kid. When someone's not nice to you or someone's whatever, it's like they're probably going through something. And it's like, can you think of any person in your life who's not going through something? Whether it's, you know, it's a divorce or losing a job or death, like, someone's sick. We're all going through something, you know, And I think that the more compassion and empathy, we all have to talk about those things and to really be there for each other is important.

Thank you so much for being so real. It's so refreshing. And I told you, it's. I've never had someone that is so willing to talk about anything, and that is so. I applaud you so much. I love it. So thank you so much for being here. How can everyone find you?

So I'm Ali Webb on Instagram. A L L I W E B B. Our dry bar is the drybar.com or our Instagram. Instagram is just Drybar. Squeeze. I believe our website is squeeze me.com. i should know that. Or you can go to our Instagram page, which is just squeeze. And yeah, we're.

And your podcast.

Podcast.

And our podcast is Raising the Bar. So wherever you get podcasts, you can find Raising the Bar with me and Michael.

So definitely check it out if you're looking for entrepreneurial advice as well as some info on the journey.

Yes.

All right, well, thanks so much for being here with us today.

Thanks for having me.

I appreciate it. All right, hang tight. We'll be right back. I asked you've been trying to find your passion. Hope you enjoyed meeting Ally as much as I did. I have to tell you, she is so a woman that supports other women. There are a lot of women out there that are not. They're backstabbing and not the kind of women you want to roll with. Ali, not only is she great, you know, working with men, but women, she's just all around positive energy, positive person. So cool. I really, really loved her and so grateful that she made time to come on the show and Share with everyone and open up to the level that she did. It's really so impressive. I'm. I'm so blown away. Away by her. It's just really exciting. So I wanted to share. This isn't necessarily a question, but it was a difficult situation I had to deal with this week. I had a speaking engagement a couple of hours north from where I live, and I was heading out to the venue, and I knew it was an entrepreneurial conference and there was going to be a mixed crowd there. I really didn't know exactly. I didn't have a lot of information on, you know, how the age of the audience, what the. The expectations were, other than Heather, we want you to speak around entrepreneurial business and confidence in the workplace. And, you know, so just a general topic which I could definitely address. I have a lot of knowledge on. However, when I'm going into a situation and I don't know more specifics, I'd never been to the venue. You know, sometimes I get a little curious as to how it'll play out. However, one thing I've learned and I want to share with you right now, is that a lot of people do canned speeches. I don't believe in those. And the reason why is when you get into a room and you see the people, you can get a sense of, oh, okay, I see where this is. I see, you know, the kind of audience I'm dealing with. I can tailor my talk one way or another to add more value, to relate better, to be more meaningful, and I really like to do that. And I find I get a really good response when I do that. And that can be if you. You're speaking at, you know, an office meeting or sometimes people are going to be all fired up and it makes sense for you to take your energy up and meet, Be more interactive, or sometimes people are really serious and analytical, and maybe in that environment, it might make sense to take a little bit more of a systematic approach, you know, And I'm not saying you have to always mirror your audience exactly, but I do believe there's a benefit to tailoring talks and tailoring presentations to the audience in that moment, if you know your material well enough. I don't suggest doing that if you're doing new material. Heck no, because that's just going to add a whole nother level of complexity. But being aware of your surroundings, being aware of the energy in the room, being aware of the actual audience and what's going to connect with them is key in keeping their attention and, you know, delivering A great, great talk, wherever you might be. So I arrive at the venue about a half an hour before I'm going to speak and the place was on fire. I mean, it was really, really loud and people were extremely high energy, like off the charts high energy, so fired up. And it was mostly a younger crowd, I would say definitely more 20s, 30s. So I start, you know, kind of scanning the room to see what are people up to. And people are high fiving, running around. The bar was packed. You know, it was during a break window when I arrived and I just saw that this audience was different than most of the typically speaking to in front of more business settings, not so much. This was almost more of an. A networking setting where people were really connecting, really, you know, they had during the breaks, music was playing. It was a little bit different. Different, so much more lively. And so I was noticing that and thinking to myself, how can I add value in a different and unique way to this audience? And as I did that, as I was thinking that, of course I'm walking around speaking to people, saying hello. And again, I want to highlight, I know my material and content really well. So for me to speak about sales, leadership, business, becoming an entrepreneur, being a writer, launching a podcast, creating confidence, all that stuff is very easy for me. I'm done it so many times. I have so much practice. So now my focus is in order to get better, how can I relate better to the audience and tailor my talk to be more meaningful and direct to connect to them. A speaker before me took the stage and this person is incredibly successful, worth hundreds of millions of dollars, so much more successful in business than I am. And you know, this person is a very good speaker and been very poised. However, for whatever reason, he wasn't having the same thought process that I was having, which is fine. Everyone takes a different approach and he took the stage as if he was giving a regular talk in a regular venue, which this was not. It was very different. And I'm sure it was different for him too. So as he was speaking, the crowd was still incredibly lively and loud. And you could see very visibly he was becoming frustrated, frustrated. And as you could watch and see his frustration level, I was noticing the crowd was responding very negatively. And I thought this was interesting. I had never seen a situation like this before, so I actually felt really excited because I was immersed in a completely new experience and I didn't know how I was going to handle it, which I think that sounds pretty exciting, right? It's an opportunity. So I'm watching and I'm having this great experience where I'm getting to see someone else ahead of me. Right. I wasn't the first one speaking, which there's an advantage. I believe in that as well. And so I'm watching. And the more frustrated and off his game he became became, the more the crowd erupted, became louder, and I could sense more negative, almost intentionally trying to get louder to speak over him. At one point, he was so frustrated that he started somewhat lecturing the audience that, you know, this wasn't helpful. And that's really where he completely lost the audience. So my takeaways from that were. And again, I've never been in a situation like this before, so I have a lot of empathy for him. I'm sure he hadn't been either. You know, this is someone who's being paid to come and speak at massive events. He's incredibly successful. People would love the opportunity to hear from him. And I'm sure on some way level, he just felt that this, you know, something was so wrong here. And it caught him off guard, I'm sure. So anyhow, finally, at some point, he said, you know what? Enough's enough. That's it. And he drops the mic and walks off and, wow, I'm speaking after him, right? So someone who I was friendly with said, oh, my gosh, Heather, what are you gonna do now? And I started laughing and I said, you know, I'm not worried, although I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do yet. But I really feel I trust myself and I feel really confident in my material. My topic that I'm speaking about. Give me a minute, though. Just let me have a minute alone. I want to think. I didn't want to speak to anyone for a minute. I just wanted to look around the room and see what people were doing to try to put my plan together. But I really do feel I trust myself and I know that whatever it's going to be, it's going to work out okay. And so that's when they called me up to the this stage. And by then I thought to myself, okay, this other speaker had led with frustration and, you know, almost disappointment for the audience. And I thought that really comes across as negativity. So I'm not going to take a negative approach. No chance. Instead, why don't I take a really positive approach and be funny and try to connect with the audience around humor and around being really positive. And I also knew one other thing. If people are being loud, one thing I'm really good at is being Louder. I'm actually. I get a hard time about it that I'm so loud all the time. So I thought, you know, this could be a superpower for me. In this instance, if you can command attention quickly when you take a stage, you can kind of snap people out of their environment. And I was hoping maybe if I can be funny, I'll grab them in and they'll be excited. Because it was going to be really different from the person speaking before me. Very different approach. So. And again, I'm nowhere near as successful as the person before me. I'm sure the person before me's taken bigger stages. Again, just. I think it was a little surprising and just a very different approach that he took. So I took the stage, and the first thing I did was I grabbed that mic, and I was loud, really loud. Cause I wanted to grab everyone's attention. And it worked. And I told a joke. The person that had introduced me said something about how I had been on a panel at Harvard, which was not true. I was actually a teacher at Harvard. Hello. Get it right, people. Elle woods in the house. So I made some Elle woods joke. And then wouldn't you know, someone in the audience screamed out something so funny. She said, oh, like, it's hard. Because that was one of the lines from Reese Witherspoon in whatever pink movie about going to Harvard. So here's the thing. I made a joke. Someone in the audience chimed in and made the joke funnier. Everyone was laughing. I was being really loud on the mic, so everyone had stopped speaking. Okay, so that was the first step, all right? Starting to get us, you know, on a path towards victory. And then when I felt I had everyone's attention, everyone was laughing, and people were paying attention. And it was just really. It was like my moment. I asked for a favor. I said, guys, listen, I have a favor to ask of you. I elicited help from the audience, which is a great tactic, I think, to use. And I just said, said, here's the thing. I drove a couple of hours to be here with you tonight. I would like it, if it's at all possible, if I could have your attention while I'm up here to share a couple of ideas and strategies with you that I think will really bring you some major value. They brought me major value. However, I understand if you really don't want to be quiet.

I get it.

That's fine. But I'd like to ask you if you could go out to the bar in the other room, and I'll join you. Out there as soon as I'm done with my talk and we can. And toast a drink and, you know, we can kick it out there. But if you're not really interested in hearing a talk and if it's going to be tough for you to pay attention, I would simply ask if you wouldn't mind, just for while I'm speaking, to go out to the bar. And some people left, so that was kind of funny. And I said, okay, cheers, you know, have a great time. We'll see you out there after. So some people left, but the people that stayed were silent. And there was no more speaking. And it was so cool. And so I thanked everyone. I told them I was so grateful for that because I really had something so important to tell them. And I was so excited. And it, it worked out really, really well. I'll tell you, it was a different talk than I've ever given because the audience was so incredibly different than any audience I'd ever spoken for. And I really just. I winged it. And then halfway through my speech, I saw the head of my TEDx talk. Well, one of the heads of the TEDx talk was there when the gentleman who was in charge of speakers back in October when I gave my talk and I gave him a shout out from, from the stage. And I decided to pivot and tell the story about the TEDx talk since he was there. And I got into how stressful it was and what was really going on backstage and how it really works. And it definitely elicited a positive response from the audience. It was definitely on the fly. Not what I had planned to speak about, but it worked out really, really well. The response was overwhelmingly positive. And it just ended up being this great night. So here, here's the thing. One, when we're going to walk into places, I've gone into thousands of places to speak before, and I've never walked into an opportunity or an event like that. Right. So things are going to be different based upon where you are when it's happening, the audience. There are so many reasons and ways anything could be different. Let's see it as an opportunity on how we can get better. And definitely do a self assessment. You know, how well do I know my material? What do I feel like would work here? But give yourself that moment to check in with yourself and notice what's happening in the room, paying attention to people and try to get an idea of what can connect, what might not connect. And again, I was a sales leader for 20 years. I had given a lot of sales meetings, some of which were very serious. And somewhere the teams were so rowdy and screaming. So this wasn't that completely different for me. I just kind of had to pull on some of those memories of how I used to to gather those teams up and get them to at least pay attention for a window of time. So, again, notice, you know, pull on past experiences and trust your gut and just go for it. Show up and be you. But be positive. And if you can be funny, try it, because it definitely connects with people and it definitely worked for me. So I hope that helps you with any of your presentations or meetings that you might have coming up or speeches. And if you haven't checked out my episode with Kendra Hall, I do a entire episode about how to become a speaker. I get a lot of questions about that. So definitely check that out and I'll tell you if you are having a tough time with the holidays, if you are stressing out, know that you are not alone. And in my book, Confidence Creator, I write a number of different chapters about being alone, about struggling with boundaries, struggling with family, you know, different challenges, relationships. So please check out Confidence Creator, even if you've already read it and might be a good time to read it again, I think I will be reading it on the plane on Wednesday. So I hope you love this episode. I hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving and focus on all the things that you are grateful for so that you get more of it in your life. Thanks for being here again. I can't wait to talk to you next week. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while.

You could miss it. Come on this journey with me.