Confidence Classic: Dare to Be RADICALLY Confident Before You Feel Ready with Lisa Bilyeu

Without your mindset, without your health, without your belief system, without how you show up, what really matters? Do you have a dream? Do you have a goal? And every day, are you acting in accordance for the long term? Because for me, for a year, I couldn't have mental clarity at all. And so you want to talk about how I actually hindered my mission because I wasn't able to show up. So I want people to really think about that so they don't get into that overwhelm or that burnout. Because burnout is real. Overwhelm is real. And I had to unwind it.

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Much as I do. Hi and welcome back. I cannot wait for you to meet my guest today. She went from unfulfilled housewife to groundbreaking entrepreneur. Lisa Bilyeu is the co founder of Billion with a B dollar brand, Quest Nutrition, and now co founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, a revolutionary digital first studio with inspirational content viewed over half a billion times. A prominent figure in the women's empowerment space, Lisa is respected for her energetic no bs approach to mindset, health, wellness and business and has recently announced the release of her first book, Radical Confidence. Lisa, I'm so excited to have you here today.

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me so excited.

Oh my gosh. You have the best energy from the word junk. It's like you are so my people. I'm so happy you're here. All right, let's get into your backstory because people see you and if you don't know Lisa yet, you're going to be so excited to get to meet her today. People see you as at the top of your game billionaire. You know she's made it. When you started out, back when you were a kid, did you have this kind of big picture vision for your life?

Yes and no. It's such a tricky question because I don't know if you remember when you were a kid and you have like these big, grand, audacious dreams and no one's so squashed them yet. And when I say no one, I mean yourself. Too right? Like how many times we squash our own dreams now as adults. But when you're a kid there's just like this moment, at least for me, there was this moment of like dream, big dream, audacious. And it was like, I want to be a movie director and I want to be the first woman to win an Academy Award. Like that was my dream now being, you know, let's say seven year old Greek girl from North London. And my grandmother found it her duty to tell me on a constant basis that basically my future was already, already writt for me by God. And that that meant that I was going to be a stay at home wife and a mother and that was going to be my future. And looking back now, it was like such common subliminal messages I was getting from childhood from my grandmother telling me this. I would fall on the floor, scrape my knee, she would pick me up and in her like thick Greek accent she'd be like, oh, you'll be okay by the time you get married. Like she actually meant to console me, like literally, no, no, no, you're going to be okay, don't worry, by the time you get married you'll be fine. And when you think about what that does to seven year old, right, like the subliminal messaging that your life is predicated on being married, that the end goal is marriage, you start to kind of see where we all get our belief systems from and how we take that into adulthood. And so even though when you're saying, you know, like all these big things that I've done, it's like I still have that insecure, negative voice in my head that I had when I was a kid that says, who do you think you are to go after it? You're supposed to be a wife and a mother and you're supposed to be staying at home with your kids and with your family and with your husband. And I ended up having to decide that that wasn't fulfilling for me. But that was after eight years of being stuck because I had the mindset that I was taught when I was a kid that I would end up being a stay at home wife. And so when I found myself in it, even though I had big massive audacious dreams as a kid, we all end up falling into things and we say, oh my God, I blinked. And all of a sudden. But you never just blink when you really think about it. It's little choices that you make day after day, year after year that all stack up. And so in hindsight, it was eight, I Blinked. In eight years, I'd been a stay at home wife supporting my husband. But looking back, I go, it was little decisions that I made that even though I had dreams, when I said, well, I'm just going to help out my husband for a year, well, I'm just going to support him for another six months, well, it's only until. And the problem that I'm finding and so many people is it's just going to be for this long. I'm going to go after my dream when, when I have the confidence, when I have the resources, when I have the time, when I have the energy, when my kids are older, when my husband is happy. And I did that for eight years. And so now looking back, in hindsight, when I talk about dreams and I talk about how we end up where we are, it's our responsibility, but we end up giving up on them. And we assume, who was I to dream so big? And when I was in those moments where I was a stay at home wife and I had this loving husband, I had a roof over my head. I literally had like the man of my dreams. I was telling myself each day as I was miserable, well, who am I to complain because I have a roof over my head. And you end up getting stuck because you tell yourself a narrative of, but I'm so lucky that I'm here. And what I realized is we all have the opportunity and the right to be head over heels on some part of our lives and absolutely utter miserable in others and want to ask for more and have the freaking right to ask for more. So kind of comes full circle with your question is I was told as a kid that I would end up somewhere. And because of that belief system, even though I had the dreams, the belief system took me into a life that wasn't mine. And I ended up stuck there because I didn't feel like I had the right to ask for more.

Wow, this is so powerful. And for everyone that's listening that already knows my story, I hope you're going to see this. Here's what I find super interesting, Lisa, is that for me, I had that moment when I was in corporate America. I was in the C suite, you know, I was making big money, getting all the accolades, and everyone's saying, you're so lucky, you're so blessed to have made it. So I would go home at night and think, why do I feel miserable? I don't feel happy in what I'm doing. Oh my gosh, I've got to stop it. I should be Grateful. Focus on gratitude, Heather. Be grateful for where you are. You're healthy, you have an amazing job, you provide for your son, things are going great. And I would block that noise out. That noise was my calling, by the way. Right. I'd block that noise out because I thought, I'm not being grateful. Here's what's different about you and I. I got fired, which. That was my wake up call moment to push me out the window, to say, kate, you got to go deal with what this calling is for you. And I'm always so interested to understand. I didn't have the courage or I didn't have the confidence to make that jump on my own. I had to get pushed. What was that catalyst for you that got you to stand up one day after eight years and say, today's the day. I'm changing things, Heather.

This is so my jam. Because you're so right. Because that's the thing. I didn't hit rock bottom. And, girl, that is where people stay. Because you don't hit rock bottom. You end up what I call purgatory, the mundane. Your life is just mundane enough. It doesn't hit rock bottom, so it doesn't, like, jolt you into action. Like you, right? Where it's like, oh, my God, well, where am I going to pay my next bill? Well, screw it. I might as well do this because I've got nothing to lose, right? So many people do that. I didn't have that almost. So for eight years, I was like, well, I can't ask for more. And that's where we get stuck. And I live in literal, perpetual fear that people will stay there for the rest of their lives because they may not have a moment where they hit rock bottom. Which is exactly why, by the way, Covid shook people awake. Because to most people, that was their rock bottom. They're like, oh, my God, this is life. Let me make a change. But what about the people that don't? And there's so many of us. There's so many of us that don't have that. And so for me, my husband was miserable chasing money. So I was like, I'm just going to support him. We're going to try make movies. So that was like. I convinced myself it was for the bigger dream, right? We're going to make movies. We're going to make movies. So my husband went out to work. I was like, I'm going to support everything else. So we're going to do the Steve Jobs effect. You're going to go out and I'm going to make all of the decisions for you. Because Steve Jobs basically said the way he reason why he always wore those black turtlenecks was so that he only had to make a certain amount of decisions in a day. And why the hell would he waste it on clothes? So I said, let's do that, babe. You're going to go to work, I'm going to decide everything else. I'm going to cook for you, I'm going to put your clothes out. He would go to the gym, he'd come back, his clothes were waiting. He'd get in the shower, he'd come out the shower, his towel was waiting. He'd head off to work, his clothes were waiting, his lunch was waiting. Like, I took it seriously. And I'm like, I can do this. It's 12 months. But what ends up happening, 12 months led to three years, four years, five years. By the sixth year, it's like now you're like, well, I'm invested. I can't turn around now because what does that mean, those six years? So you almost like double down and if you play, if you bet gambling, but it's like you double down because you're like, I don't want these six years to be a waste. So here I am on what I call this hamster wheel now where I'm just like supporting him, supporting him. And he became miserable. And in those moments at the eight year mark, I was like, I don't care about money, I don't care about making movies. All I care about is actually having my husband back. And so what does that look like? And so that started the idea of Quest Nutrition. So him and his business partners basically said, if we were to do something predicated on passion and a mission, what would that be? So my husband comes back home one day. All right, babe, you're right. I'm miserable. You're miserable. We're going to start a new company. It's going to be a protein bar company. Do you mind helping out? Helping out. Now, what I didn't expect is the company would grow at 57,000% and go from me helping out, shipping bars on my living room floor and walk into the post office on a daily basis to literally two years later, I had 4,004,0 employees underneath me. I had 10,000 square foot of just shipping department and we were shipping out millions and millions of dollars worth of product every day. Now I had zero experience. Zero. So at first it was the reason why I changed was if Quest goes under, I lose my house. So it Became very easy for me to face things that I didn't know what I was doing, to face the fear, to face all the insecurity that we all have that keep us stuck. I almost didn't have that, thank God. And the reason why I say thank God is because it didn't stop me. Every time I hit a hurdle, I'm like, all right, Lisa, you can crumble right now and lose your house, or you can learn this, get back up, figure it out, and keep going. And so in those moments where once upon a time, the insecure Lisa, the person that didn't feel good about herself, that wanted to protect her ego, wouldn't have taken action. I didn't have the privilege of doing that. So I just had to keep going. So all my inadequacies that I found myself in every single day, I had to figure out all the skill sets I didn't know I had to build. All the insecurities I had, I had to face. And so in growing quest in my evolution, it was I had zero confidence, but I kept going. And that's where I realized the massive difference between having confidence and waiting for the confidence to get going to reach your goal, or having the radical confidence, which means you feel the fear. You're totally inadequate, but you put in a plan and do it anyway. And that is what is radical confidence. And radical confidence is what got me from there to where I am now. It's not that I'm confident. So you even said, oh, my God, you're so confident. I have a crippling voice in my head that wants to hold me back every step of the way. Every step. I just don't let her dictate how I act. She's still there. I just don't listen to her.

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I ask you to try to find your passion. You brought up so many great points that I want to make sure everybody heard. Number one, you went through this eight year period knowing you weren't living your best life, you weren't living your calling and finally one day you had that conversation with your husband. I made a decision. I just want you back. How does this look? I'm not sure how it looks, but I'm putting it out to you into the universe. I'm communicating, something's not working. And that really started changing this whole process for you, which led to quest, led to you working together, led to you stepping into your confidence. So again, you put it out there that something had to change. Number one, two. The other thing you mentioned that I find really interesting is sunk cost fallacy. And for anyone that doesn't really understand what that means. So often, whether it be in a relationship or in a business, we say, I've got 10 years in on this. I know I'm not happy. I can't walk away now because that's basically saying the last 10 years I was wrong, or that it's a waste, or there's gotta be. I can't do that now. There's too much invested in this. And sunk cost fallacy is so interesting to me. I've done it in relationships before. You know, I'm four years into this. I can't give up now. It makes absolutely no sense. Every time I've had that internal dialogue with myself and of course, eventually something will happen or I'll have an epiphany that I do need to make that change. And after I do, I have this moment where I sit down and say, yet again, here I am again. Because so many of us have patterns in our life. I stayed too long. And so that's dialogue I'm constantly aware of now. I don't allow myself to say, just because I was in something for a year or two years doesn't mean it was too long. You know, what if 10 years ago was the right time, now is the only time. Pull the trigger.

Yeah, it's so true. I go to like, is it still moving me towards your goal? Yes or no? So actually, there's two parts. Is it still moving you towards your goal? And this is still fulfilling because those things sometimes, right, it's like, well, no, we get, you know, especially in entrepreneurial world these days, it's like, you know, be on your grind. Hustle, hustle, Work hard, move forward. And so the question is, yes, work hard, but are you working smart and are you working in the right direction? It's like, think of, you know, I love analogies. So just thinking about going in the car and it's like, you want to drive to New York, right? But you actually take the wrong freeway and you keep going and you're just like, but I'm on this freeway now. I should. It will eventually get me to New York, but do you want it to take 10 times longer. What if you now realize, actually, I don't want to go to New York anyway. We're like having these assessments of am I still on the right path? Do I still want to go to New York? All these assessments. Just because you're one year in doesn't mean that you shouldn't. In fact, that's when you should. I wish I did that in eight years. I didn't do that even once. Me and my husband, we play this game called no bullshit. What would it take? And so the no bullshit, what would it take to X, Y and Z? So let's say your goal is to build a company and you're like, okay, no bullshit. What would it take? It would take me seven years to make $100,000. And in that path, I will have to give up on spending Saturdays with my partner and I can no longer get my hair done. Like, that's what no bullshit. What would it take mean to get to your goal? Actually refine. Where are you going? No bullshit. What is it going to take to get you there? And then are you willing to do it? Because that's the thing, right? Like for you with your C suite. If you're just like, I want to run this company, great, now you've got the goal, you know what you want to do. How do you get there? Okay, well, I need to fill this position. I need to work my way up the ladder. Okay, great. What skill sets are you going to build to work your way up the ladder? Now, when you're in the process each year, you need to assess, are you having fun? Is it a life you still want? You have to replay the no bullshit, what would it take? Because now your goal still may be, I want to be to the top. But you know what? I actually really want to have a partner. And I've given up ever. I've given up dating for four years. And the truth is this may not be the life I want anymore. I want a date. I want to go out there. Okay, so now maybe you've assessed your goal of running the company may not align with your day to day. And now you better reassess. Does your goal still match the life you want? And I think that to your point of how do you make sure you're not wasting your years? Is the reassessment of is your goal still your goal? And are your acts on a day to day filling your heart? Because if it's not, do you actually want to get to your goal in the first place?

I like that idea of revisiting and constantly reevaluating what those goals are and accepting that what was working for you even two years ago just might not be working anymore. And that's okay. I remember just growing up that it was this one path and it was corporate America. And that's all I ever thought of. Right? So when I was in it, it was tunnel vision. I never thought, what is available to me? Is there anything available to me outside of this? And it's so important that we say, we don't have to check the box and go to college and go to corporate America and get this prize. We can actually instead pick our head up and say, what suits me now? Just like that conversation that you had with your husband. And I so appreciate you sharing that now. A lot of people might not know, Lisa, that you've had personal struggles along this journey. Can you take us through what some of your health challenges were and how that impacted your confidence?

It's one of these stories that when people hear, it's like one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. And I want people right now to think about what that thing is for them. Because here's the thing. I had moments where I'm like, this could potentially mess me up mentally for the rest of my life. And in the moments I knew that, like, I was, like, my health got so bad that it could change fundamentally who I am as a person. And in real time, I remember thinking, these moments basically dictate who you are going to be. And do I sit there and think, why me? Why did this happen? Or can I say, how is this the best thing that's ever happened? And so I'm about to tell you a story where it's like, I could have been on my deathbed, almost rushed to hospital. And it's like, it's still the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that is a change in perspective. So I'd worked really hard. Me and my husband were building quests. Every time it's hard, you know what it's like building businesses, doing things on your own. It's just so difficult. You have a million reasons why you should quit. In fact, you have a million and one reasons why you should quit. And to keep going to make sure that I wasn't allowing my mindset. The who do you think you are? You know, quit now while you're ahead, Lisa, or no one believes you can do it. You should be. Stay at home. Like, all these things that I was battling, I need a motivation. I need that. Something that's going to keep me going. So me and my husband, on days when Quest got really freaking hard, we would take a little bang up car and we would just drive around Beverly Hills. And at the time we had a hole in our exhaust because we spent every penny in the into the company. So we wouldn't, didn't even put it into the car. So when you drove over 60 miles an hour, you had like the steering wheel was one of those ones that would rattle and like shake. So we would drive around Beverly Hills on these really exhausting days when we were just trying to stay motivated and we would choose which houses we love and I would point out the Mediterranean houses and he would point out the ones because he comes from Tacoma, Washington. So his dream as well, to live in Beverly Hills, we both had that dream. So this was our thing. And every couple of weeks to a month we would drive around Beverly Hills and dream about the house that we would get eventually. When Quest did well, cut to Quest actually does well. And Quest actually goes from zero to a billion dollar company in five years. And we're announced as the second fastest growing company in North America. I mean, it's crazy. The dreams come true and we're finally looking for a house and we finally find one in Beverly Hills. It's the freaking dream come true. You can't write this shit. It's so amazing. We buy the house of our dreams. Like everyone, you can imagine that dream coming true on the day of celebration. I'm a 90s girl, I love hip hop. So I'd always envisioned I'm going to get the bottle of champagne, I'm going to pour it down me under a waterfall. Like I'm just like, let's do this baby. So we get the champagne, we've actually got a waterfall. It's the freaking dream come true. I take the champag, I've got my sexy bikini on, I go to take a gulp and like that, it felt like my gut erupted. This was six years ago and my life since that day has never been the same. For over a year since that day, for a year I could barely eat anything and I had lost maybe. I was probably 20 pounds lighter than I was. I mean, I was so malnutritioned, I couldn't stand up for longer than five minutes at a time. My hair was falling out, my nails were brittle. I. So just to give context, everyone says you can't wait for the dream to come true. The day the dream actually came true, my health never was the same. So you want to talk about someone that can very easily talk about. It really doesn't matter how much money you have in your bank account, it really doesn't matter what dream you have. If you don't take care of yourself, if you don't take care of your body and your mindset, it literally doesn't matter. Because if you can't stand up, if you can barely breathe, let me tell you, having a house in Beverly Hills doesn't mean crap. And so when I say it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me is it just oriented my world and it oriented everything on. I'd worked so hard to try to get the dream house and realize that isn't what is success, that isn't what equates to success for me. It's how I feel about myself. Am I proud of myself? Every day, do I show up? Do I support people that I care about? Do I support women? Do I show up to live the mission that I say out loud that I'm going to live, which is to help the 14 year old girl, the little Lisa, not have to unwire 20 years of mindset like I've had to. That's my stated mission. And how do I do that? By creating content. And so every day do I show up to do that? That is now my North Star. My whole health was a beautiful lesson. It was a beautiful lesson in assessing what dreams really are, assessing in what impact really is it really oriented. Like I said that all that actually matters is how you think about yourself when you're by yourself. Like, are you nice to yourself? We all know those moments when you're by yourself at night, right when the lights are off. The amount of times I've tried to fall asleep and the negative voice spinning, telling me I'm no good and all the crap, like how many times all the crap you've done wrong that day. You shouldn't have said that. Oh my God, I can't believe you did this. You should have known better. All of that, what is like the purpose of life if you want to get so freaking deep, right? When I think about it, it's like to feel good about myself. And here I am, fighting, working hard. I've spent all these years trying to build this company and I don't even feel good about myself. So that oriented everything and it put so much into perspective. It made me realize that without your mindset, without your health, without your belief system, without how you show up, what really matters. And that now has become my North Star and that has become my path. I Want really people to really think. Like, I hope that no one's ever had to get in that space situation where, looking back, my health is. So many people deal with health issues. And the question is right now, do you have a dream? Do you have a goal? And every day, are you acting in accordance for the long term? Because for me, I was like, for a year, I couldn't have mental clarity at all. And so you want to talk about how I actually hindered my mission because I wasn't able to show up. So I want people to really think about that so they don't get into that overwhelm or that burnout. Because burnout is real. Overwhelm is real, and I have to unwind it.

So you really believe it was your mindset, the stress and exhaustion from work, that brought the sickness on.

So, yeah. So in really unraveling everything, I'd gone to so many doctors, right? So originally it was like, let me just paint my way out of it, go to all the best doctors in Beverly Hills, and they'll fix me. And what I realized was, even then, I was giving my power away. I was saying to a doctor, fix me. You fix me. You give me something that's going to make me better. I was waiting. So I literally would go to these doctors, think that I could pain my way through it, and wait for them to give me a magic pill. A year later, no one could fix me. I still couldn't properly eat. Every time I even put a bit of pepper on my food, I would go into gastroentric health, like gastric health, literally, where I could barely breathe. So after years and years of just assessing what is going on, I started to realize that I had an unhealthy relationship with food. So growing up, trying to look skinny and being told in the Greek tradition that women must watch their weight, it's okay. If the guy got heavy, it meant that they had a wife that took care of them. But if a woman got heavy, it meant like, oh, no, you're not valuable anymore, in essence. So I very much heard my entire life that being skinny equated to getting the man. So I definitely watched what I ate. As I got older, I was being more and more restrictive. Your immune system, 70% is carried in your gut. And so I was getting sick because I wasn't eating. I was taking antibiotics, and I wasn't replenishing my gut. So 10 years of that. It got to the point in those last final years where I was taking so many antibiotics four or five times a Year, I wasn't replenishing my gut. Now, initially, I looked to the doctors, and I was like, well, the doctor told me, you know, I shouldn't be giving you this many antibiotics. I never once asked why. So when it first happened to me, I kept blaming the doctor. Well, the doctor gave me antibiotics. Well, the doctor told me to take this. And after two years of feeling helpless, I realized, Lisa, they didn't force it down your throat. Every time the doctor said, you know, I shouldn't be giving you antibiotics, I still took them. I never researched why the doctor was saying it. I never researched why I was getting more and more sick. I thought that if the doctor didn't say anything, then I was fine. And so over a couple of years of realizing how I had contributed to me having gut issues in the first place, it literally, almost like a thunderbolt, I was like, ah, I did this to myself. Now, here's the thing, Heather. There are two things that you can do when you say that to yourself. You can feel like, oh, my God, now I'm victimizing myself. I'm blaming myself. I'm making myself like, but that's really dangerous, Lisa. People shouldn't blame themselves. Or you can say, I'm empowering myself. Those are two paths I see ahead of me. And I was like, by saying that, I can blame myself or I can empower. And I was like, which one serves me, empowering myself? So I go, amazing. If this was all my fault, how could that be so freaking empowering? And I was like, because if it's all my fault, now only I can fix it. And go. And you want to say you adopt a powerful mindset that can get you through anything. It didn't matter after that what happened. I used it as a way to go, cool, Lisa, you can empower yourself. What did you learn from this? And from that moment on, I started to write down everything I ate. I started to write down everything. My moods, how much I slept. Was it a deep sleep. I wore an aura ring. Was I getting into REM sleep? Was I not getting into REM sleep? I started having a continuous glucose monitor, so I can monitor what food I was eating, if it was having an effect on my blood sugar levels, and then how I was cognitively aware that day. I did it all myself. And over time, I started to realize the foods that could help. I started to lean into those foods more. And over time, I started to fix myself. And you want to know the most powerful thing that ended up from that entire horrific health story? I use that mindset now on everything. So the empowerment of if this was all my fault, how can I fix it? I do now with everything. Some people don't like the word fault. So you can use how? Ownership, responsibility. But by shifting that mentality in the relationship with my husband, when we argue, I literally say, if this is all my fault, how can I fix this? And it just changes the perspective with my business if something crashes and burns. If this was my response, even if it's someone else, I say if this was. If it was my responsibility, how now can I fix it? Oh, you know what, as a leader, I wasn't there for them to give them bumpers so that if they were to do something that I consider wrong, they wouldn't be able to. Well, it's my responsibility to put those bumpers in. So now even if it's someone else that did something wrong, I can take responsibility and ownership and now I can grow from it. So all of this thing with the most horrific health issues, I've taken complete ownership. It's taught me one of the most powerful lessons of my entire life.

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I asked you to try to find your passion. One of the things that jumped out at me from when we were speaking before we started recording. Two things actually that really hit me. You became aware of your goal and your focus to heal yourself of course. Right? Which is number one. But not only did you look internally, you also looked at your surroundings, physical surroundings, and you started creating boundaries. Can you talk to us a little bit about environment and boundaries?

Yes. So the Einstein quote, the definition of sanity, is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. It's like, even if you want to argue with it, try it. It just won't work. Like, doing the same thing will create the same result. And so for me, it really did become, like, once I started to take ownership and once I found the empowerment in it, and it wasn't even like the acts itself, it was the mindset. Once I started to go, wow, I don't have to wait for someone else, all right, Lisa, what else can you do? What else can you explore? How else can you do things? It really does shift how you show up and how you act on a daily basis. So in having dictated, okay, if everything's my responsibility, what are the things that are hindering me from healing? And so no judgment. That's a big key, right? So, because when it comes to boundaries, a lot of us, we beat ourselves up over letting someone cross your boundary. And it's like, I shouldn't have let them do that. I knew better, and I let them bulldoze me. But now you're putting more judgment on yourself. So I just said, okay, putting judgment and creating that anxiety isn't good for your stress. Stress isn't good for your health, Lisa. So what are the things that are going to move the needle? Okay, stop and just assess your life and take ownership. So what I did is I paused and I said, all right. I know now that everything is in my control and my ownership of how I eat. So now I look around, how do I eat? Oh, I have 25 employees around me. Okay, well, do you think Lisa, eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner around 25 employees is helpful to your healing or not helpful? Okay. With no judgment, it's not helpful. Okay. With all the books and the studies and the research I've read, having peace when you eat actually helps with your digestion. So I've read. Read studies that say, this is what you should do. All right, so now am I going to take ownership over it? Yes. Great. Is it other people's responsibility to not talk to me while I'm eating?

No.

It's my responsibility. No one's going to fight for your goals and dreams more than you will, period. So now I know no one's going to fight for my health more than I will. It doesn't mean they don't want me to get healthy. It's just I'm the Only one that's going to fight as hard for my own health. So I realized just telling people, hey, guys, I'm eating, please don't come and talk to me, doesn't quite do it. And even though you want people to really hear you, it's just like anything. Habits are real. And so I started to get annoyed. I'm like, I told that person not to come and talk. It's like, hang on a minute, are you taking ownership over this, Lisa? No. Set boundaries that allow people to not cross them. And even if they do give them the grace to say, did I explain my boundary clearly? Did they mean to cross my boundary and did I re evaluate my boundary or re practice it with them? Because just like anything, habits are important. And just because you told someone, hey, don't come and talk to me while I'm eating, you're the one who has to reinforce that boundary because you're the one setting the boundary. And what we do is we put judgment on other people if they don't listen, I bloody put it in and they didn't listen. And now they've crossed it and they're out of my life. So I just go, doesn't is nothing's black and white like that. Set the boundary. Understand why you're putting the boundary. Because that's important. I'm putting the boundary in for my health. So having your. Why having your strategy, knowing that to me, boundaries take two people, they take both sides. And so when I'm trying to put in boundaries, I personally think it's useful to explain to someone while you're putting it in, because let's face it, sometimes when someone's setting a boundary with you, it doesn't feel good, right? It's like someone's like, hey, look, don't do this. Oh, that stings. Because what they're saying is, you've done that. And it bothers me so much that I'm having to tell you not to do it. So we can all embrace that when someone sets a boundary with you, it doesn't necessarily feel great sometimes, because sometimes it is saying that you've overstepped. So have the same grace when you're setting a boundary with someone. And that's what I do. So what I did with my team is I said, guys, you know how much I've been struggling with my health. I've read this study that says I need to be eating alone. Now, look, while I live in a house with 25 people around you, it's going to be hard for me to Eat by myself if I don't set boundaries. So that's what I need to do. So, guys, please. What I'm going to do is every time I eat, I'm going to go into a different area of the house. So I'm not going to be around you. So you guys don't have to worry about it. But if you see me over there sitting by myself alone, please do not come and talk to me. And then it became some people forgot. So now I go. Okay. Was it out of malice? No. Okay, cool. If you know it's not out of malice, remind them. And then once you've reminded them, do they do it again? Yes. Now go. What are the things? Because I own my own boundary again. Have I set them up for utter success? And I just like keep breaking it down, breaking it down. Because I used to get myself in a tizzy. I mean, like, they've broken my boundary. Now, like, now it's just head on, right? Why did you do that? I've told you once and I go again. It's all my responsibility. I may have told them, but am I helping them create the habit? Because I still feel like that's still my responsibility because it's my boundary that I'm setting. So now I sit with them and go, how can we create this habit together? All right, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put a sign and that sign is going to say, lisa's eating or Lisa wants peace, whatever sign I want to write. And if you see this sign, that's just going to help remind you not to come and talk to me. Does that seem good to you? Yes, that seems good to me. Okay, amazing. So now I'm going to put a sign. And now what I do, establish the boundary. The person comes and what you see is in them. Corner them in your corner of your eye. You know, you see them walking towards you and you just ignore them. And then I see them like do a U turn and they turn back because they've seen a sign. And now I go, they're trying. So now what do I do is I encourage them. Guys, thank you so much. I saw you, you. I saw you walking towards me, but then I noticed that you noticed the sign and then you walked away. Thank you so much. That's really meaningful to me that you're helping me on this journey of health again and by appreciating my boundaries. Now what have you done? You've now said thank you. So now someone's like, oh, my God, they've actually noticed. And rinse and repeat, and rinse and repeat, and rinse and repeat to get to the point where now no one ever disturbs me when I'm eating.

That is so powerful. And I appreciate you breaking down truly how you walk through the boundary setting. Because so many people, like you said, get angry and want to have an argument or that's enough. And I can't be around these people anymore. When you're right, they're just triggered. And instead you have to go through this process. So please, if you're listening, that was such a great tutorial on how to set boundaries. Now, Lisa, your new book, Radical Confidence, tell us why you decided to write it.

Oh, yeah. It's literally because everything I'm talking about. People think I'm naturally confident or I naturally know this stuff. I naturally, I'm confident in setting boundaries and I'm naturally confident in telling you, hey, look, I'm really sorry. You've actually crossed the boundary right now. It doesn't feel great to me. People think that all comes from just having natural confidence. It doesn't. Like, it really doesn't. And the reason why I wanted to write Radical Confidence is because, A, I got stuck for eight years. How the hell can I help others not get stuck? And it is because people want the confidence in order to get started. And that's the biggest thing that I hear so many people say to me, lisa, you've got so much. I want your confidence. And I'm like, why do you want my confidence? Like, well, but you know, when you're confident to do what? And that's where we get stuck. We think confidence is the end goal. Confidence is the tool. So the tool is you want to feel great about yourself to get to the end goal. So let's actually just swap out confidence for a second. I want to feel great about myself in order to do X, Y and Z. Stop worrying about the feeling. Now let's focus on where you want to go. So people say, I want confidence to tell my parents, I no longer want to study science or medical because I want to be the stand up comic. All right, Amazing. So it's not that you want confidence in and of itself. What you actually want is to be a stand up comic and you don't want your parents judgment to get in the way. Is that correct? Yes. Amazing. Now let's just shift how we're thinking because right now that person's getting stuck on. I want the confidence too, so they never get stuck. So that's what I'm trying to help people with my own journey that I got stuck for eight years because I thought I needed confidence to tell my husband I wanted a different life. And what I realized is I didn't have to wait to feel good about it. I could use literally all these steps that I'm talking about I put in the book because I can't get out of my own way. The negative voice is still there. It's still telling me that I'm no good. So if I can help, give tactics and tips on how to not let that voice stop you, and then you end up living the life you want, it is with radical confidence. You don't need the confidence. So when, for instance, I went from helping my husband start the business to realizing this is the life I actually want, I got married telling my husband I wanted four children. And now I've realized I don't want any children. And not only do I not want any children, I've been married now. I think at that point, it was like nine years. I've been married for nine years, and now I want to tell my husband I don't ever want to do his laundry anymore. I don't ever want to make him dinner anymore. And how the hell do I do that? If I waited for confidence, I'd still be here putting out socks and wondering, you know, you know, like, looking through his mismatched socks section. Right? It's like, if I thought I needed the confidence, but the reality was is that with Quest, I had acknowledged, wow, there's this part of me that I love. And to now ignore that. I now had to put them on a. Almost like a. Just like, make a decision with no judgment. Would you rather now stay at home, go back like you've helped out with Quest? Would you like to now go home with no confidence but feeling good about yourself because you're still supporting him, you're not speaking up, you're not doing the hard thing, but never being that entrepreneur that you know in your heart now that you want, or would you rather have the hard discussion? And it's a chapter that I call open the can of worms and embrace the ick. It's like, would I rather open up the can and just ask, do the hard thing, but actually get to the life I want? And I realized I wanted the life that I had tasted. And so I was like, I'm going to have to open up the can of worms. I'm going to have to have the hard discussions with my husband. Because the other option is living A life of being a housewife for the rest of my life. And I'd been there for eight years and I saw where that had taken me. So for me, I really had to ask the hard question, tell, and then have the hard conversation. And that was just having the transparency and the honesty about this isn't the life. And so going back to your question is like, how do you have those hard talks? How do you make those hard steps? How do you do the hard thing in order to have the life you want? Because it's easy to say you can do it. In a way, it's freaking difficult to actually do it. So Radical confidence is actually having the tool set. Like, it actually gives you tips. Each chapter takes you through a very specific lesson of how to overcome the negative voice, how to overcome the imposter syndrome that we may feel. It gives you tactical steps of how to get on stage if you've had, you know, crippling anxiety. It's like, it's easy to say, just go on stage. No, no. When you're that anxious, just telling someone to go on stage doesn't cut it. But telling someone to wait for confidence, they'll never get on stage.

Lisa, this is so good and so powerful, and I so appreciate that you acknowledge that you're still not always confident. And it makes me laugh because I am the same way. And people don't believe it, but it is true. And you speaking your truth is going to connect and relate to so many people. How do people find radical confidence and how do they follow you?

Yeah. Thank you so much. So radical Confidence is sold. You can go to radicalconfidence.com that's where I'm giving away, like, a bunch of amazing bonuses. But you can go to Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, all the great bookstores, and then if they want to follow me. Lisa Bilu B I L Y E U I'm mainly on Instagram and I'm very like me on Instagram as well. All the real behind the scenes, no makeup stuff as well. Because to me, it's really important to show there are so many different dynamics to who we are as humans and especially women. Moments where I'm a freaking beast. There's moments where I'm a big ball of mush. There's moments where I'm super emotional and heartbroken. There's moments where it's like you're bent on mess with me because I can take on anything. And just like, I think that's important to show with us women. Like, there are moments where I fall on the floor and I make mistakes and I think that that's empowering to show that it's not about being perfect. It's about being the person that falls on their face, gets out the lint roller and then moves on.

I'm so proud of you and I'm so grateful for this work that you're doing. Go check out radical confidence@radicalconfidence.com get her bonus opportunities. Take advantage of this opportunity. Lisa, thank you so much for the work you're doing and thank you so much for being here.

Thanks so much for having me, homie.

Until next week, keep creating your confidence. Make it radical. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.

You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Come on this journey with me.