Confidence Classic: The Courage to Ask for What You Need with Heather!

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Just because you might be in that one area or instance in your life doesn't mean so many other great things could be happening. And sometimes we lose sight of that because of the one hard thing or the one challenge we're facing or the one sad thing that happened, right? We tend to put our focus and attention on that, but over time those things get better and it's So important to focus back on those good things, you know, to be grateful for what you do have and to find joy in all the moments because that is what life really is about. No matter where you are today, a month from now your life could literally look 100% different. That's how fast life changes. That's how amazing life is. That uncertainty that we all feel afraid of can oftentimes end up being the biggest blessing in the world. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. Fasten your seat belts. I'm ready for my closeup. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus Confidence Classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay. So if you were listening to the solo episode from last week, I shared that I was speaking my truth in a situation that was not easy for me to do. I'm definitely proud of myself that I did it. It did not go as well as I had hoped or thought it would. However, you know, you do things not because of the outcome, but because it's your truth and you need to own your voice, which again, it's not always easy. And I know people think for me that it's always easy. That is not the case. For me, it's easy in business, but not in my, in my personal life. Definitely not. So it actually got me thinking. I was started thinking about my two books, Confidence Creator and Overcome Your Villains. And I was saying to myself, oh my gosh, which chapter do I need to go read right now out of both of those? And so I picked a couple of chapters. This is totally selfish for me to help me right now because I need the encouragement. You know, we all know what we need, right? It's a function of do you want to actually take a minute and follow up and follow through on those things and do it? So today I'm going to do it with you. Yay! I'm hoping that it will help someone listening today too. Hopefully it will help you. But I also want to tell you, so this has not been the greatest week for me. However, some really amazing things happened and I'm sharing this with you because I don't know who's going through a tough time right now or facing some challenges or is maybe just out of their comfort zone, but just because you might be in that one area or instance in your life doesn't mean so many other great things could be happening. And sometimes we lose sight of that because of the one hard thing or the one challenge we're facing or the one sad thing that happened, right? We tend to put our focus and attention on that, but over time, those things get better, right? You know, that pain or, feeling of being upset subsides somewhat, and it's so important to focus back on those good things, you know, to be grateful for what you do have, and to find joy in all the moments, because that is what life really is about. So make sure you're surrounding yourself with people that are bringing the joy out of you, not bringing the sadness out of you. And then I also decided this week, it's okay to appreciate being sad sometimes too, right? I really don't like it personally, but I'm choosing to see sadness as it's a moment of reflection. And what you're really reflecting on is probably something that you lost, you know, that was really beautiful or loving or good in your life. And that's a reason to celebrate, right? Because you had it at that one point in time. And while it might be gone now or be different now, you can still celebrate that you had it, and that can give you more hope for the future. So hopefully that reframe will help you out a little bit today. Okay, back to this week. So it was funny, I had dinner with a girlfriend who I hadn't seen in a month, and the last time I saw her, she was not doing well. She was really struggling with some, you know, big things in her life. And when I saw her this month, she was just a completely different person. So happy, so many incredible things happening for her. And it was so cool to get that perspective that no matter where you are today, a month from now, your life could literally look 100% different. That's how fast life changes. That's how amazing life is, right? So I felt really grateful to be able to see her and to celebrate her joy and all good fortune with her. It was just really exciting to see. Then, oh my gosh, I've literally been out every single night this week and I never roll like this, guys, ever. I swear since COVID I just stay in so much more. Not anymore 'cause Heather's back, hitting the town. That was Tuesday night. Then Wednesday night, I had friends come into town who I had not met, but I've been friends with online and on the phone for 2 years. And so it was my first time meeting them in real life. To say things came unhinged is an understatement. It was so fun, so crazy, had the best time, and just was so cool to be able— it's such a cool experience to get to know people so well over a phone or a computer for a couple of years and then finally get to be with them in real life. It was so much fun. Super exciting. Then the next day I got added as a speaker to this lineup that includes Tim Tebow, A-Rod, John Maxwell. I mean, this incredible, incredible lineup. I'll put the link in the show notes below. I'm so honored for that. And they, they're already starting promoting it, which is so cool. And I'm just, I'm super grateful. You know, 5 years ago when I got fired, I never knew that I'd be speaking alongside icons like this, right? So it's just, it's so cool. And again, you never know what's ahead of you. That uncertainty that we all feel afraid of can oftentimes end up being the biggest blessing in the world because it certainly is for me right now. I feel like it when I am sitting here reflecting on this week. Okay. Then the next night I had a friend who was in town from Canada unexpectedly messaged me and said, hey, let's meet up for a drink. I said, great. Well, when it came time to meet, he was running behind and said, you know what, just come to my work dinner with me instead. And I thought, oh, I really don't wanna crash your client dinner. You know, I said, well, I'll just stop by for a drink. Ended up meeting the coolest clients. I love them. I was so sad that I actually didn't make the time to stay for the whole dinner because they were so cool. We had the greatest time. We were laughing hysterically. And now I made two new contacts in Miami because of it. So when you get that opportunity, you know, show up. I'm so grateful I showed up and didn't just bow out because plans plans didn't go as we had hoped. It ended up so much better. Then last night I had the most incredible time. I'm truly very blessed. I have a huge group of friends that I grew up with ever since I was 15 years old. And so, you know, more than 30 years of friendship, which is— we've been through marriages, divorces, deaths, births, the gamut. We've been through it all. And I'm so grateful for these friends. I spent so much time with them this summer. And then it was one of my friend's bachelor party, and I decided to surprise him. A few of the guys, you know, knew I was gonna come, and we coordinated so that I was there for the dinner and had the greatest time. Had so many laughs remembering things I had literally forgotten about in my life. And it was just— it was such a great feeling to be with that many people that I had grown up with that have my back, that have seen me through hardships, And it was so cool to sit and reminisce with them and just be in their company. So it was amazing. There is nothing like great friendships, and I'm so grateful for them. And just remember, the grass is greener where you water it, right? You've gotta show up and water that grass. And yesterday I took an hour-long Uber out there to meet these guys and knew that I was gonna be walking into a potential debacle with, you know, collateral damage when you have that many guys together. On a trip, but I'm so grateful that I did it, that I took the time, that I showed up and took the chance because it was incredible. And I'm— it was just— it made me so, so happy. Okay, so that was great. So I hope you're taking time for your friendships. I definitely did this week, and it's definitely caught up to me because I'm barely breathing right now. But, you know, make time for those friendships. They definitely pay dividends like you can't imagine. And last night just reminded me that. Okay. So that was that. All right, now I wanna get to, as you know, my first book, Confidence Creator. I wrote this in 2008. This book took me like 5 months, I think, to write and self-publish. It was crazy. It was so fast. My second book, not so much, which took like almost 2 years, was ridiculous. But I do narrate both of them on Audible. If you have not gotten them yet, please go get the Audible version of both of them and listen to them back to back when you're driving to work or whatever you're doing. They— the reviews on the books are incredible. I'm super, super proud of them. I'm actually— I think I'm gonna start writing my third book now. I sketched out what it's about, and, and I, I just have been hesitant on actually making myself sit down and write. So I'm gonna have you hold me accountable on that one so I get cracking. Okay, I went back to find a couple of chapters that I thought maybe would help me in regards to the topic that I was sharing with you, speaking up for myself in relationships and you know, owning how I really feel instead of just allowing others to own how they feel, right? It's important that we express how we feel. It's important that our needs are met, and it doesn't have to come off in a negative way, right? I remember I used to think like, oh, I'm being selfish, you know, because I want this or whatever. But it's just important that everybody's needs are heard and met. And in the end, it doesn't always work out the way that you want or had hoped. But maybe someday it will work out much better. The important thing is to show up as the best version of you. So that's what we're trying to do today. And that's why I'm reading you a few chapters right now from Conference Creator that I needed to hear. Okay. Chapter 28, Just Ask. In order to get what you want, sometimes all you have to do is ask. That's it. Some situations require a little bit of finesse, but it all comes down to how you ask. Recently, I was at a Dolphins game and my girlfriend wanted to get a plastic cup for her husband, but plastic cups are apparently held hostage at certain stadiums. We were at one of those stadiums because she asked nicely and was denied the plastic cup. She came to me and asked that I work my magic. That made me laugh. Working my magic meant that I would go up to the counter and convince someone to give me the cup. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where it's difficult to ask for what you want, Try to remember these 10 basic rules. Oh good, I'm at the right chapter, guys. I needed to hear this. Thanks, Heather. Okay, here we go. Number 1, have courage. Ooh, so true. You will only ever get what you have the courage to ask for. This is true in the stadium as it is in life. Boom. So why not ask for what you want? If you don't, someone else will, and you'll be bummed out they got the plastic cup that was meant for you. Number 2, stay confident. Get your mind right before you act. Oh, this is spot on. Say it, Heather. Okay, I'm really fanning out about this book right now. Sometimes that's channeling Beyoncé's Sasha Fierce. I convince myself that nothing will knock me down. I'm on point. I've got this. Do whatever you have to do to get your mind right. Listen to music that fires you up. Think of a time you achieved something beyond your wildest dreams. Grab onto that feeling and use it as motivation that this can work out too. Smile. Never underestimate the power of a friendly smile. When you approach a stranger with a big smile, it's hard not to smile back. You've also opened the door for a conversation now. 4, consider your approach. When you walk up to someone you don't know, you have to be friendly and authentic. For me, that means being upbeat and optimistic. For you, it might mean cracking a joke or giving a compliment. Be yourself, put your best foot forward, and make a quick connection. 5, give off a good vibe. The vibe you put out is usually the vibe you'll get back. When you stand tall, smile, and are open to meeting others, you are more likely to get that same attitude back in return. Make it clear that you are there to be positive and that you're asking for help. 6, prepare yourself to be uncomfortable. That is the brief period after you ask for what you want when you have to wait for the response. Sometimes that wait can be painful. That is when things get uncomfortable. It's so easy to walk away or doubt yourself in those moments, but power through, smile, and don't say anything. Let things play out before you respond. She or he who speaks first after the ask loses. 7, be relentless. Relentless doesn't have to be a negative. Once someone answers with a reason why he or she can't give me what I want, I say something like, I know you can do this. Come on, I'm sure there's a way we can make this happen. Often people are so surprised by this that they quickly give you what you initially asked for. You just want to make sure that you remain positive, friendly, and keep that smile on the whole time. 8, don't accept the no. If you've truly tried everything and you keep getting turned down, then you need to kick it up to the next level. I'd suggest saying something like, I know that you can't make this happen, but is there someone who can? Is your boss able to do this? Is he or she here today? Right? You, you don't want it to stop at the no. There's gotta be another level. Maybe they don't have the approval, but they can tap somebody that can get it. 9, be ready to pivot. Conversations can take a turn in any moment. You need to be ready to laugh or ultimately meet with a manager who might be annoyed that you called them over. Be ready for anything and try to have fun with it. 10. Practice makes perfect. If you practice these steps over time, you will become an ask ninja. You will become the person your friends turn to when they need plastic cups during football games. You've nothing to lose. The most important thing to remember is that you didn't have the cup when you started, so it's not the end of the world if you don't get it. Now, just be careful what you ask for. And yes, I was able to get the plastic cup at the stadium. Meet a different guest each week. Hey, knowledge is key! Confidence creator.

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Confidence Creator. I ask you to try to find your passion. She said chapter 29, stand your ground. All right. P.S. One of the things I love about Confidence Creator is the chapters are super short. So you go to this section that you need help with in the moment and you can bang out the chapters really quick, get the tips, apply it to your life, and keep it moving. Okay, "Stand Your Ground." Ooh, this is the one I need right now. 10 years ago, I gave birth to my son. I underwent a C-section, so when I returned home from the hospital, I was sore and exhausted. Those first few days as a new mother were terrifying. I was suddenly responsible for a tiny little life, but I had no idea how to make sure that little guy would thrive. I didn't realize how much tougher things were about to get. 10 days after giving birth, I received a call from my then-CEO who asked me to fly to his alma mater and give a speech. To the students on his behalf. Mic drop. No, I'm not kidding. This really happened. Wait, did he really just ask me that? I was in shock. Still suffering through issues stemming from my C-section, the last thing I wanted to do was hop on a plane and leave my brand-new baby behind to give a speech. The right thing for me to have done would have been to decline and come back to work when I was healthy and ready. But that was a very sad time for me. My self-esteem was low, so I didn't have the confidence to say, I just had a baby 10 days ago. There's no way I could make a flight right now. I'm sure there's someone else in a better position who can make the trip and present to the students. I didn't even attempt to say no. Like a zombie, I just agreed. If you Google my name, you can probably find the video of me presenting to that group of students in North Carolina. I looked terrible. I hadn't slept. I was in pain and pumping in the bathroom before my speech. I was still wearing maternity clothes. That was a low moment for me. Agreeing to do that speech only made me more insecure and frustrated. It felt like the world was taking me places that I didn't want to go. Life was hard, but I didn't see the role that I played in it. I didn't see how my behavior and lack of boundaries led me to that point. I never considered standing up for myself or putting my needs first. Ooh, this is hitting me hard right now. Hindsight is 20/20, but that was a learning experience. It made me realize that we are responsible for our own path. Our decisions either help build us up or they chip away at our confidence. Things have changed, and even though it was very difficult at first, it has gotten much easier with practice. I no longer have to deliberately remind myself to speak up. It's become like second nature. Well, most of the time. Finding my voice means speaking up when I want to and not looking away when I'm annoyed or upset. Finding my voice means putting my needs first. Finding my voice empowers me and people respond to that. Finding my voice has changed my life. Conversely, I have witnessed friends over the years stifle their voice and not use it. Those same women are often frustrated and discouraged and full of resentment. One of them even shared with me that she isn't feeling well physically, and she thinks it has something to do with holding her voice inside for so long. Nothing in life is worth feeling resentful and sick over. The sooner you speak up, the easier it gets. Prior to Hurricane Irma, my old boss John offered to let me and my then fiancé use the private plane that he shared with a group of people. He gave us an amazing discount. At the last minute, he received a call from another friend who wanted to get his mom on board the same plane and out of the storm's path. John sent me a text asking, hey, is it okay? Let me know if you'll be okay with this friend. He'll be happy to pay his way for the mom for a seat on the plane. It will help you with the expense. I was happy to do it. And frankly, we were happy to share the cost of the plane with somebody else. So it seemed like it was all working out. A few months later, I received an email from John's controller. It was an invoice for $10,800 for a flight from Miami to Atlanta. My jaw dropped. Clearly, we were being charged for the entire flight. Had that occurred when I was younger, I would have swallowed the expense out of fear of speaking up and then stew about it privately on my own time. Luckily, I had found my voice, so I simply shot back an email to the controller explaining the situation. I took a screenshot of the original arrangement I made with John, and we ended up paying for what we'd agreed to. Simple. No fighting, no argument needed. Stand your ground. Speak. Your mind. These situations pop up in life every day. I was in spin class recently and Ashley was teaching, one of my favorite instructors. The instructors have a no cell phone policy in class because the workout room is typically dark and they don't want the vibe to get thrown off with someone's phone lighting up. Countless times I've heard instructors speak about the importance of everyone leaving their cell phones outside of class. It means a lot to them. So if you have respect for the teacher, you don't bring your phone to class. Pretty simple, right? Well, last week in Ashley's class, I saw a woman on her phone. Ashley got on the mic to ask the person to please put the phone down or leave the class if they need to be on the phone. The workout continued, but the woman completely ignored her warning. Ashley had to get back on the mic and announce the same thing again, but the woman remained on her phone. She was either ignorant or felt that she was above rules. For a split second, I felt bad for Ashley, but then I saw her jump off that spin bike and confront the woman. "I've asked you nicely twice. Now I'm taking your phone and you're leaving my class." Ashley owned her voice, and I was so overwhelmingly proud of her. Her actions resonated with me. She decided not to complain about the woman who ignored the rules. Instead, she empowered herself by standing up and speaking her truth. Even though there was no guarantee that it would be met with a positive reaction. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who felt that way because the class erupted in applause. By this point, you know the drill. If you aren't one of these people who stands up for yourself and speaks your mind, start small, but start. Chart your progress and use those minor victories to inspire big change in your life. Over. Time. Okay, so that was 2 chapters from Confidence Creator, my first book. This book is gold. If you have not heard the whole Audible yet, please go get it. Please listen to it. I guarantee you're gonna love it. Okay? It's really, really good. Okay, now my second book is called Overcome Your Villains. This one just came out in November. Super proud of this one too, but this one's different. The chapters are longer and then there's takeaways in each one of the chapters, so it's it's structured a little bit differently than my first book. This book's done with HarperCollins leadership, so there was a huge team of editors and way more people involved, okay, in this book than in the first. I happen to like both. It's like people always say with kids, you know, which one do you like better? I mean, I don't know. I really don't know. I guess each one serves a little bit of a different purpose. So it depends where you are in your life, what your challenges, what you're facing. Just see which one calls to you to see which one you read first. First. Okay. But I would actually start with Confidence Creator if you haven't read either one, cuz I did write it first. Okay. Chapter 7, Finding Certainty Within. This chapter called to me today. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you can't. Della Howard. March 5th, 2020 was my last live speaking engagement. Ugh. I had the opportunity to speak at an international finance conference and I was nervous. Oh, hang on a second. I remember this was the first time I spoke for a financial conference. By the way, I've spoken for, I think, hundreds over the last couple of years. It's crazy. I don't know why the finance industry loves my work, but they do, thankfully. Anyways, so it's pinging me remembering, gosh, when live events disappeared. And then wait a minute, pause. We get to be so grateful today that we are back in person with people we love at live events. I'm speaking in real life. I'm so grateful and thankful for, for this year, for, for where we are and what we've been through. Okay, back to the book. I had never spoken at a finance conference before, and this was my first time addressing an international audience. Double whammy. Because I have learned to trust myself, however, I knew I would find a common thread to join me with the audience. The day before I was going to speak, I racked my brain hoping to find a way to connect with them. That's when I remembered that my ex-husband worked in the finance industry, and while I had not been in the industry myself, I did have an insider's peek into how competitive it was, and I could empathize with their challenges. So I decided to open with that story to relate and connect with them, and it was a hit. Anytime we can find common thread between ourselves and others, we develop connection and relatability, and that is powerful. After the event, I went to the cocktail party. This was my first speaking engagement for a new speakers bureau at the time, and I wanted the feedback to be off the charts. I worked the room. I was shaking everyone's hands. P.S. I had no idea that one week later COVID-19, which had been in the news, would make this simple gesture taboo. So weird. And asking for feedback. The feedback was fantastic. I was so proud of myself. I had stepped into the unknown again and it had paid off again. It is amazing how fast things can change in our world and how incredibly unexpected it can be. That's why we always need to get up, dress up, and show up. Then on March 7th, I received the email from my literary agent that she had accepted the 15th version of my book proposal. Yes, that means that on my 15th rewrite, it was finally a go. I don't want to downplay this. For one full year, I had worked hard to first land my agent, then write and rewrite my book proposal 15 times. All in the hopes that one day I'd be able to get a publisher to say yes. But I've got to admit, there were times near the end of this year-long process that I became frustrated and started second-guessing whether I had targeted the right agent and if I was good enough to be a writer for the big leagues. I can still clearly remember my agent's feedback on the 14th version of my proposal. While she saw major improvement, she still knew I could do better. I was so frustrated. So much so that I had secretly decided that if version number 15 wasn't the charm, then I was going to move on to find someone else who I hoped would believe in me 100%. There was no science behind this decision, by the way. I had no experience writing book proposals, and this was the first time I had worked with a literary agent ever. I knew only that I had been told no 14 times when I thought the proposal, especially the last one I had just written, was fantastic and I felt it should get a yes. This doesn't mean that I thought the agent was a villain. She definitely was not. It simply meant I was wondering if I would ever be the right fit for her and her for me. The fact that this was my first time working with her and my first time working on a book proposal put me in some very unfamiliar territory. I was uncomfortable, confused, and not sure where to turn next. I was questioning everything, including myself. I reluctantly revised the proposal one more time, sent it to my agent, and waited. Out of the blue, I got a yes. Just like that, my reality changed completely. I had no idea that version 15 would be the charm. And now I can see that my agent believed in me completely. As she told me, she knew the proposal could be better, and she was right. Just remember that if I had thrown in the towel at version 14, you wouldn't be reading this book today. Success often looks easy on the outside, but on the inside, it can be a real test to your self-confidence. It's all about getting knocked down 14 times, then picking yourself back up for lucky number 15. Don't give up on you too soon. All this was going on and we were entering a global pandemic. I was so excited to get a yes from my agent that I didn't think about anything else. But celebrating. The next step was for my agent to send a letter to her target list of ideal publishers describing who I was, what my book was about, asking if they wanted a copy of the proposal. She sent out 15 letters and we waited. The following week, as the virus began to spread across the US, we began to receive feedback from publishers. Some of the feedback was positive, some negative, but we did have several publishers that were interested and even one that was very interested. My agent sent out the 15th version of my proposal to the interested publishers, and we waited, and the virus continued to spread. One of the ways I relieve stress is to take action. Sometimes that can mean going for a workout. Other times it can mean preparing for things and preparing for the worst. I had ordered water, protein shakes, canned foods, paper towels, toilet paper, and bare necessities for survival. Before taking action, however, I always ask myself, what is the grief to gross ratio for this action? In other words, What's the work put in versus the potential outcome? If the potential outcome is greater than the amount of work required, then I move ahead. Conversely, if the amount of work going into it outweighs the potential outcome, it's time to reevaluate. When deciding if I should act on something, I ask, what's the Greek to gross ratio? Next thing I knew, I received my first no from a publisher, then another, and another. Given the timing of this feedback, at the same time I was in quarantine with my son, With all of my speaking engagements canceled, my number one revenue stream, I was beyond down. I jumped on the phone with one of my good friends to vent about my current situation when I was reminded, "It's not how many nos you get. The truth is you really only need one yes." That shifted my focus immediately. Yes, I had received 4 nos, but my agent had sent out 15 pitches and I needed only one of them to come back a yes. I was suddenly feeling optimistic. This reminded me of playing softball when I was a kid. As a pitcher, when I would throw 3 balls, instead of worrying that I was about to walk the batter, I would celebrate that now I only needed to throw 3 strikes to get that batter out. It's all in how you view the opportunity that's standing in front of you. During this time, my son's school was moved to virtual classroom at home via the computer and on Zoom. The transition went okay, it seemed at first, although the first week was definitely an adjustment. Becoming my son's Zoom school lunch lady and principal, making sure he logged in for class on time, was a lot more work than I'd expected. As the virus took hold, I took action and ordered a Peloton exercise bike. The monthly fee over a 2-year window was reasonable. And again, worst case scenario, if I was going to be locked up with my 12-year-old for months, I knew I would need to be able to work out. I had no idea how this situation was about to play out. This was by far my best move yet. Not only did the Peloton give me a great workout with fantastic music and upbeat instructors, but it also gave me the chance to give virtual high fives on the screen. No matter where everyone else was, we were able to cheer one another on and have a sense of normalcy. This was a godsend while we were stuck in our small apartment indefinitely. Another week went by, more nos and then a yes. The yes was from a small publisher and the deal wasn't great. They cited the current pandemic as the reason for their low offer. Suddenly I was convinced I had shot my book proposal at the wrong time. If only I'd gone to market 6 months earlier when the economy was stronger, I would've gotten more and better offers. Well, at least that's what I thought. After going down this track for another week, I started to open my mind to the idea that maybe this was actually the right time. Maybe given the tremendous crisis we were all going through, this was exactly the right time for my book and the tools needed to overcome adversity and leapfrogging villains. That is what I chose to focus on. Done and done. Immediately after that change of mind, I received two very strong offers from major publishers. This was an interesting conundrum to be in all of a sudden. How would I choose which publisher to go with? I remembered how I felt at my old job in corporate America when some people wanted me there and others didn't. It's a terrible feeling. I figured I would rather be with someone who is in it to win it with me versus someone who was only somewhat interested. I wanted committed, not just interested, and there's a big difference. You should want that too for you. I had individual phone calls with each of the publishers. They were each fantastic in their own right, and both were all in. They both wanted me and my book. That was a great feeling. I then took a step back and outlined the pros and cons of each. Then I called my agent and asked for her opinion, as she is the expert and knows these people very well. In the end, we both agreed that HarperCollins leadership was the right fit, and we agreed to their deal. Then crickets. It's hard when you're new at something and you don't have anything to compare it to. I started to wonder if they didn't want me anymore. Can they even do that? Will they pull the offer off the table because of the pandemic? Was my timing terrible? Would I ever hear from them again? If you do this to yourself, you know that you are not alone. This old habit was rearing its ugly head in my life yet again. By the way, it still does to this day. My entire life I have believed that no communication meant the worst-case scenario. I needed to remind myself that no communication is simply that—

nothing.

Instead of making assumptions and putting words into others' mouths, I needed to be patient, which is definitely a weakness. I asked my agent what was going on. She reached out to them. Turns out publishing companies were not set up to make the move to virtual. And they were far behind on getting contracts done. Mine was on their to-do list, but they didn't know when they would get to it. Patience was clearly something I was going to get to work on. The ups and downs during quarantine came fast and furious. Some days I was so grateful to have my son and our health and our great view. Cut to the next day when I would have a nervous breakdown and lose my mind because an unexpected package hadn't been delivered. My stress levels were at an all-time high, and I started to feel trapped in our small apartment. Our washer and dryer broke. The tires on my car went flat. My dishwasher broke. I forgot to make my son's lunch countless times when I had meetings and when he was in virtual school. The blinds in my bedroom fell off the rod and I couldn't fix them. No one would come to the house to fix it because of quarantine. Ugh, those were not fun days. But that wasn't all. When school finally opened for in-person classes, they sent my son home with a fever and we were told to quarantine. Again! My son's dog died unexpectedly. My mentor passed away. The air conditioning in my car went out. Two of the keys on my Mac keyboard broke while I was writing this book. I felt like Murphy's Law over and over again. One day, my son and I got off the parking garage elevator to go to our car, and the car was gone. I started bawling. My son stopped me and asked me why someone would steal our SUV when we were flanked by sports cars on either side. I stopped crying, then I grabbed his hand and we walked right back onto the elevator. We'd gotten off on the wrong floor. These were not my finest parenting moments. Then I remembered a strategy that I taught myself in years prior. When you're facing a difficult time, focus on something that you are looking forward to in the not so distant future. Once you reach that, create something new to focus on next and look forward to that. Dylan and I focused on the upcoming Michael Jordan Netflix documentary, The Last Dance, which we were both so excited to watch. While I had started off quarantine mostly optimistic and healthy, that ship had sailed. I began eating worse than I'd ever eaten before. I was downing entire bags of peanut M&Ms, and before I knew it, I had gained 15 pounds. My clothes were not fitting, but we weren't leaving the house much, and I was able to hide it, unfortunately. That was a powerful realization for me. I was being held accountable when I would be out in public. How was I gonna hold myself accountable now that I wasn't going out in public? With that accountability removed, I realized I was going to have to create a new approach. With any goal, we need to hold ourselves accountable, and that clearly included me and my health. With all this insanity going on in the world, it also became evident that we wouldn't be going back to normal anytime soon, if ever, which meant I needed to find a new way to drive revenue from inside the apartment. I did a few virtual speeches at first, and they were really good, but they didn't pay as much as my in-person events. I needed more. I decided to jump on my Peloton and figure it out. I'm at my most creative when I work out. That's when my best ideas come to me. When are you at your most creative? And when are you most likely to solve problems? On the bike, it hit me. I needed to go back to all of the messages people had sent me and see what the themes were. What things were people asking me for? Amidst great uncertainty, we can always find certainty within. I ran over to my computer, started combing through the LinkedIn messages, and within an hour the answer was clear. Many people were asking me if I consulted, offered executive coaching, or would be a mentor. That was it. I had no idea what someone would charge for things like this, but I knew speed to market's critical to success. If you can solve a problem for others, then you have a product or a service to sell. I put a post on LinkedIn announcing my new group coaching program, and I'm launching it May 1st. In the post I said, you asked, I've answered. 'If you're looking to be held accountable to achieve your goals, I got you on this one.' I offered 100% money-back guarantee because I knew I would work hard and overdeliver, and that would take the fear out of buying. Then I said, 'Send me a DM if you want to sign up. I'm only allowing 10 people in this month, and next month the price is going up.' Within a couple of days, program sold out. I was shocked and excited, but there was just one thing: I had no idea what this new group coaching program was going to look like or how I'd run it. Now what do I do? I went back to my old trusty friend Google. I researched other similar offers and decided on a weekly group call each Friday coupled with individual strategy sessions with me during the month. I knew I would need to collect an arsenal of testimonials from happy clients to promote and grow this new business. We live in a review and recommendation world, and it is critical that you have testimonials of your work. Don't have any? Start asking for them now. That first month I overdelivered for what I was charging. I was spending all my time on one-on-one coaching calls, which was not a scalable business model. The good news is I received amazing testimonials to promote my business for the next month. I also learned the hard way that I had to pull back some of the offering to make the program work, not just for my clients, but also for me. That's the key. In any business transaction, both sides have to benefit. When one side benefits and not the other, it's not sustainable. Now, how was I going to convey this change and not lose clients or revenue? Undervaluing ourselves is always the wrong answer. I want to be perfectly clear, this time was beyond awful for everyone. My son would constantly remind me during the pandemic that everyone was suffering. I understand that we may have had it better than others and that some others may have had it better than us, but here's what I know. It was a hard time for everyone, everyone in the world. And I don't want to minimize that for anyone. What I'm trying to do is provide you with the understanding and beliefs you'll need to be prepared to take on the current and future uncertainties that you are certain to encounter and build a better future for you and the ones that you love. And no matter if you are a single parent like me, or you found yourself alone and isolated, or happily married or frustrated, we can all be proud that we made it through. Holding the belief that tough times are temporary and there will be better days ahead will carry us through the difficult moments. Key takeaway: Never rely on one revenue stream, one form of customer acquisition, or one means of delivering your product or service. Constantly challenge yourself to innovate how you monetize your business, acquire new customers, and solve problems for your client base. Change and uncertainty will be our constants, but we can always find our certainty within ourselves. Meet a different guest each week. Hey, confidence creators!

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You've got to check it out.

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Okay, if you've been wanting to make some money on the side and don't really wanna put your own face on a camera to do it, you can, you can make money on the side. You can make anywhere from $10,000 a month to $50,000 a month just being who you are, teaching the things that you're already an expert in. And you can even use an AI avatar to do it for you. You don't have to have your face on camera anymore. So the idea now of creator income is available to you, to anyone, and there's no barrier to entry. It is is so simple to do. You can create your own AI avatar and you tell it what to say. Now you're charging, you are getting recurring revenue every single month, and anyone can do this by just showing up and sharing your expertise, teaching the things from jiu-jitsu to working out to how to cook to how to bake bread to how to create confidence. Anything that you're an expert in, anything that you're great at, you can now monetize. The platform It's already there. It already exists, and it's easy to do. Why not start making your passion in life your side hustle and start getting $10,000 to $50,000 a month just showing up teaching what you already know? It's easy. It's not hard to do, and it's ready for you. You need to go to fanvue.com to set up your account. Now it is so simple to do. Start making money on the side. It's www. Fanvue.com today and launch your career. Confidence Creator. I ask you to try to find your passion. She said— did you see the difference between Overcome Your Villains versus Confidence Creator? Totally different. The chapters are so much longer in Overcome Your Villains. And again, that one was done with HarperCollins leadership, so much more influenced by their team of editors versus me and my friend Ryan, that he was my editor for Confidence Creator. So we moved much faster and I was working with one person, which was frankly much easier. Okay, so I hope that message connected with you today. Hope that it supports you in some way. It, it was hitting me over the head while I was reading it. That's why I wanted to read it, to remind myself that I need to speak up for my needs and there's nothing wrong with that. Actually, there's everything right about it. And not to focus on the outcome, but to focus on the act of doing it, which will always create confidence within you and lead you to the right place. Okay. Until next week, I hope you keep creating your confidence. Please, if you like this episode, share the show, tag me, let me know, send me a DM. When you share the show, it helps me so, so much. No one succeeds alone, and that definitely includes me. Don't forget, the best is yet to come.

I can't wait to see you next week.

I'm gonna make her run over again. I decided to change that dynamic. How do you like them apples? I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Come on this journey with me.