Complex PTSD & Motherloss

15 Aug 2024 · 1 min

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1:27

In this interview segment, Hope Edelman discusses her research on women who lost their mothers early in life, a group she calls "motherless mothers." Although the term complex PTSD was not yet coined when she conducted her interviews, she observed a constellation of symptoms—hypervigilance, anxiety about parenting, profound grief, and a paradoxical heightened presence and attunement to their children—that align with what is now recognized as complex PTSD. She notes that these women often lack the support networks that people from healthier families enjoy, making parenting feel lonely and relentless. A therapist’s observation is highlighted: many motherless mothers are actually doing a good job, even if they don’t recognize it.

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Generally, people who have survived complex PTSD don't have the support networks that those who had healthier families did. I mean, again, motherless mothers— if you don't have a mother, you're kind of up shit's creek in terms of feeling mothered yourself, in terms of feeling cared for when you have a kid, in terms of being able to just drop them off for the weekend or an afternoon and having a break. So it can feel lonely and relentless and sad and there's a lot of grief behind that.
You know, when I was writing Motherless Mothers, we didn't have the term complex PTSD yet, but I interviewed hundreds of women who had lost their moms when they were young, some to violent causes, some to long-term illnesses, some to sudden death. And what I found was what we now call complex PTSD, though they didn't have that diagnosis. So I'm, of course, I'm just guessing and not diagnosing in retrospect, but The constellation of symptoms they described were similar to what we would see with complex PTSD. And it seemed to make them very hypervigilant, you know, very anxious about whether they were doing things right and keeping their child safe. But in many cases, it also made them incredibly present, incredibly attuned. I remember a therapist saying that a lot of women who've lost their moms or have had traumatic childhoods are actually doing the good job that they don't think they're doing.