How Do I Balance Marriage and Kids? With guest Chaz Carpenter | Ron + Hope: Unfiltered

Well, hey guys, it's Ron and Hope Unfiltered, real, raw, and relevant. And once again without the Hope. Y'all are going to have to get used to that a little bit. She's going to be in and out when she can. But it's amazing, you know, how life goes on. Actually, last night, Another series of emergencies where her dad got put back into the hospital.

Yeah.

And so she had to spend the night at assisted living with her mother. And the hospital's wanting to discharge him today. And none of the living complexes that can help him have any room. All of them have waiting lists. So we are in a very, very unusual place. Isn't it amazing? That kind of stuff doesn't stop because I have Reverend in front of my name. That's how you can know the sermons we preach are genuine and true. Why? 'Cause we living out the same kind of stuff that you're living out.

Yeah.

But just whisper a prayer for her. We've never been here before. My dad did pass of a terminal illness many years ago, but my mom's just as healthy as she can be. But we're for the first time dealing with parents that Body and mind is just deteriorating quickly, and we need assistance. And me and Hope live in 2 places, and it's just, uh, it's a lot. It really is. First time I've ever had to delve into that system, and, uh, that system could use a little bit of help, I'm telling you. But anyway, I got my boy here with me, one of them. And for those of y'all who don't know Chaz, introduce yourself. You are now married, Chaz, with child. Tell them a little bit about what's going on in your life.

Yeah, so What's up guys? Chaz, if you've followed Redemption, you've probably seen me before. I lead our Society 242, which is our young adults here at Redemption on the East Coast. We also have Society 242 on the West Coast.

That's Jonathan.

That's Jonathan Mendoza.

Me and Jonathan do a lot of work together.

We do. But yeah, I got married, we got married, me and Ariana, my wife, got married last May last year.

Now you a Southern boy, tell 'em where you found Ariana.

Yeah, so found her, 'cause I moved out with y'all, When was that, 2018?

'18.

Moved out with y'all to San Jose to help with the launch and was there until 2020, what, 2024, 2025? Beginning of 2025.

The year before you got married, whatever year that was.

And met my wife there, Ariana. She's from Sacramento, which is—

Met her on a dating app.

Yeah, dating app, Hinge.

Met her on a dating app.

Yeah.

I don't know what Hinge is. What's Hinge?

Which is weird because, you know, 10 years ago or whatever, it's kind of like taboo, but now everyone—

I've heard of Tinder, but what's Hinge?

Yeah, Tinder, you know, we don't talk about Tinder. Tinder—

Tinder's not good?

No, that's— Tinder's a rough one. Hinge is a little more classy, I feel like, but Hinge—

I've heard of eharmony.com. That's for older people, right?

Yeah, you got eHarmony, you got—

I thought Tinder was one. So Tinder has gone—

Tinder is the dumpster trash, the dumpster fire of dating apps. That's the scary one. You gotta watch out. Catfish. That's what you can— How did that happen? But Hinge— no, Hinge is cool.

Hinge is kind of like a social media profile. It's like an Instagram. You see people's pictures or interests, what they like, what they don't like.

Let's start here. Okay. Of course, I didn't come from dating apps. I came from going up to your mama and introducing myself. Okay, so the world has changed, but Chaz ended up finding a wonderful wife Through a dating app. So, never been on a dating app in my life, have no idea where to go to or how they even work. So, you went into a dating app and what do you do? Let's say you're interested in somebody that shares the same values you have. So, what would you do?

Well, they got prompts.

Because there's a lot of people out there my age listening to us, as well as young people.

Yeah, they got— and normally I would do like what you would've done. I like to meet People in person, but when I moved out there with y'all, I didn't know nobody.

Yeah, we didn't know anybody.

I didn't have any friends in California. I didn't know anyone. So I was like, you know what, I'll just try it. So I tried it and they have prompts. They got questions you can answer. They got photos that people can specifically like.

So you put up like a profile of yourself and other people can look at it?

Yeah, and you can put things—

How does it filter?

You can put things you're interested in. You can put, you know, let's say you're a Christian. and you only wanna match with other Christians, you can have a filter that does that. Or if, let's say you're someone that says you wanna have kids in the future, there's a filter that only will match you with people who also wanna have kids in the future. There's little filters you can do, which is cool. So I had mine set up.

So if I put in there, I wanna marry a woman that's 6'5 and looks like a defensive tackle, it'll show me women like that?

I guess you could do that, yeah. I mean, if you want to, yeah. Yeah, you never know. But they also have filters for like if someone smokes or drinks, you can X those out.

And people, you know, if someone, you just don't want that and you don't have to.

So you did all that? You did all that? Did you put those things in place?

Yeah, I did all that.

I didn't do all of them.

Yeah, I didn't do all of them.

But Ariana came up and she was actually in Miami at the time for her birthday with one of her—

She did a lot of modeling.

Yeah, but she was there for her birthday with a friend.

And 'cause it'll tell you the distance, how far away you are from each other. And it said, you know, 2,700 miles. And I was like, how in the world did we, like, where are you at? How did we match? She said, oh, well, I'm from Sacramento, but I'm here on my birthday right now. And I said, okay, that makes sense. But she came back and we talked for a couple weeks on FaceTime. So got her number off there. We got off the dating app, just talked through FaceTime, and then ended up driving up there, hour and a half. And our first date was Topgolf.

So we're living— San Jose and Sacramento's an hour and a half, 2 hours up north of San Jose.

Yeah, it depends on traffic.

Yeah, but we did, we did Topgolf, and then after that was the meetup.

Is that weird? Is that weird?

Like, like, you just laugh about it.

We've been talking back and forth online. Well, let me ask you, did y'all give each other's phone number and start texting before you met?

Yeah, we talked on FaceTime for probably 2 weeks before we met to make sure I was What was that like? No one was catfishing nobody. But no, it was fine. It was cool 'cause I was very like—

Hey, Chaz, I know you grew up with catfish, but for the people 40 and up, tell 'em what catfish means.

Yeah, catfish would basically be someone who, it's a fake profile or it's a real person, but the person behind the profile is not the actual person in the photos.

They put a picture up there that ain't them.

Yeah, it's not them. I mean, so, and it's why people do that, I don't know. It's probably attention thing, but—

There was a show about that on MTV at one time, wasn't it? There was a show.

I remember that.

Catfish. I remember when y'all were teenagers, Yeah, but— I saw that with y'all a few times.

But we talked and I remember like, I didn't wanna—

I didn't want it to be like— when we first FaceTimed, I didn't want it to be like I was sitting at a table like this, like all proper. Like I was— I remember when we first FaceTimed, I was sitting there brushing my teeth because I wanted it just to be very like natural. Like she saw me in my bathroom and, you know, I was getting ready for bed and I was just sitting there brushing my teeth and she thought it was cool because I wasn't trying to—

Impress.

Yeah, I wasn't trying to sit there and like have on like a bunch of nice clothes and act like a job interview. It was more just like, hey, like let's just talk as we're doing our nightly routine thing. And it was very just kind of natural.

So then I went up, I drove up there an hour and a half to go see her.

We went to Topgolf.

Now you had a muscle car and I heard her say something one time where she said when she saw you drove up in the muscle car, she wasn't sure.

Yeah, she wasn't sure about that. She said she thought it was a red flag at first. Yeah, she said, I guess, I don't know. She just said she don't know. She said she calls it the ick. It's the ick. It's a thing.

It's a term.

Oh, the car's an ick?

It was the ick. I think it was just, yeah, I don't know. She said I drove—

He had a Camaro and you had redone the exhaust and everything. You had the loudest car in all of California.

And now I have a truck and I love it. But at the time she was like, I don't know about this guy. It's just getting, you know, I guess she, I don't know. I don't know. But—

So y'all, you have a good date and then y'all date 4 years?

Yeah, we date like 4 years because we met in 2021 and then we dated.

She actually came down and if I remember right, Chaz, don't let me put words in your mouth, she accepted Christ. She embraced— she had somewhat of a relationship with God.

Yeah, she's always been a Christian, But she—

She kind of really jumped in.

Well, it's just different to where, you know, I've grown up in church and that's kind of like all I know and all we know and what we do is church and it's who we are. But she was just a churchgoer. You know, she went on Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter and that's just kind of what they did. But other than that, she tried to develop her own relationship, but it's hard to do that when you don't have the tools or you don't go to church to understand how to read.

Or friends.

Yeah, or friends.

And especially being in California, it's not the Bible Belt.

I mean, I just saw her. She's a beautiful young lady. I can tell you got that from your daddy. All my boys like pretty girls because that started with me. I could tell she's very pretty. But what surprised me about Ariana, and what we're talking about today is young married with children in ministry or whatever your secular job might be, how you do life. in young adulthood. So I wanted to start here because actually some of these questions I'm asking him now, I've never even asked him. What surprised me about Ariana, and she is a wonderful girl, wonderful daughter-in-law, is how quickly she embraced your life. And our life is not easy to embrace.

Yeah.

We do not have a simple life.

Yeah.

It's not simple on any level.

Glass box.

It is a glass house. Everything is— everybody has an opinion. And everybody's waiting for you to screw up. And people love to attach the last name to some sort of scandal. And so it's not an easy life. But she seemed to, at least on the outside, she seemed to come in and really embrace who you were and who your family was. Was it ever hard?

I think it was easy for her because she knew who I was was like a genuine person. Like she knew outside of what like Redemption and what we did as like a family, she got to know me and then she loved who I was and she loved how I loved what I did and like loved what our family does and the people that we impact. And I think she really liked that. But you were talking about, we were talking about a minute ago, the glass box and the standard and things like that. So outside of me and her, that's one thing I try to tell like our young adults. And I've said it before because I've heard other young adult pastors and things like that. They'll get up on stage and they'll say, you know, there's certain things I can't do that you guys can do.

Right.

You know, I can't drink the same things you guys can drink. I can't listen to the same things you guys can listen to. There's been times where I've said, I understand where that comes from, but at the same time, there's parts of that that I don't think are fully biblical because this is what I say. I say, okay, well, if all of us in this room are people, are who we say we are, and we follow Jesus and we follow this relationship like we say we do, and we wanna live this lifestyle that we say we do, then all the rules that apply to me apply to you. So I said, I hate when people say that, and I get it. People look up to people like this.

It's the leadership thing.

It's the leadership aspect. So, and I see that, but at the same time, I try to tell people, I'm like, look, if you say you're a Christian and you say you're a follower of Christ, and you say that, you know, you're on a mission to do the right thing and do the will of God, then when you leave this room, your expectation needs to be the same as mine.

Let me respond to that. Well, I will tell you this. I agree with you. It's not that easy.

It's not, yeah.

But I agree with you. I agree that it should be the standard for everybody because I've always told— I used to tell Hope, I said, if people held themselves to half the standard they held me to, their life would be a lot better.

And that was the way I wanted it to get across.

Because people, they— I— a lot of times because, you know, you're— I'm in ministry, now you're in ministry, and the Carpenter family's kind of associated with ministry. People, when they see you, they expect you to function in what they see on YouTube, what they see on TV.

Practice what you preach.

All the time. They want you to function it all the time. And I tell people that Pastor Ron and preaching is my gift, but that's not Ron. My gift and Ron are 2 separate things. And so when people who've been watching me for years and they see me in the airport, They run up to me and I got on sweats and a t-shirt and I'm tired.

Yeah.

But they want the guy on TBN, Pastor Ron.

Yeah.

And that is very hard for me to shift and move into that because Sunday I'm prayed up, I'm prepared, I am ready to operate in that gift. But I don't operate in that gift 24 hours a day. I'm a Christian 24 hours a day, but I'm not Pastor Ron 24 hours a day.

Yeah.

And so that is one thing I've noticed, that people want to see me as their internet pastor or their pastor, and they don't want to see me as a normal person. They don't want to. They want— you're my leader, so I want you to be different. And though I understand that, it's a little bit unfair because I'm a man. I weather adversity. We deal with conflict. We have problems. I have bad days. I get down. I have some good times. I have bad times. But the fact is nobody ever shows that on media or anything because I remember what Steven Furtick said years ago, when you look at somebody on TV or media or something else, you're seeing a highlight reel.

Yeah, pastor don't mean you're Superman.

No. No, in fact, it can mean just the opposite. It can mean that the bullets are flying. And you're getting hit a lot more. But I wanted to insert that there because we started this with, you know, someone not being in ministry embracing a family that that's all they've ever done. And though I'm sure there's been some bumps and bruises and some long conversations, she seems to have handled that pretty well.

And I mean, you were— you know, it was you and Pastor Duane that did it, but she came and sat up here right beside me You know, when me and her both got ordained at the same time.

And she wanted to be a part of that.

She wanted— yeah, she didn't want to do it without me.

Right.

And that was a very— that was a big deal for her.

Big deal.

And for me too.

Well, let me ask you a question. Now this is real raw and relevant, so don't shift into I'm the leader of society mode. Just talk to me. Like I saw you yesterday, you had meetings to go to. But Ariana had meetings to go to because she's on staff here too in the accounting department, and she's a very needed part of our staff. But you got a 6-month-old that is a challenge, and you're walking around holding her while one goes to the meeting. What is it like newly married, new baby, and you and your spouse both work in ministry?

Um, there's good, there's good things and there's hard things.

Tell us about it.

Like, I work—

what's the tough part?

The tough part? Oh man, I think, I think just the, the tough part for me is just learning, learning to navigate, uh, not, not just expectations, but Things that you— things that have to get done versus things that you wanna do versus hobbies versus, okay, I have to be at this meeting at this time, but, you know, who's gonna cook dinner? Who's taking out— you know, who's doing the trash? Who's gonna rock the baby? Like, there's all these different things, and it's easier if you have an easy baby, but me and Ariana, we love her, and she— I wouldn't do anything— Oh, she's the greatest, but she's a challenge. She's the greatest.

She's a challenge.

But she's a tougher baby to deal with. So that just—

I always say you got 30 seconds to love on her.

Yeah, it amplifies everything that's already hard. When you have a baby that's hard, it amplifies everything else. And, but we've had, I think it's helped me because it's helped me learn to be like more patient and more understanding. And she's very, you know, as a mother, she wants to be that nurturer. That's who she is. She wants to have that role as a mom. And she gets— when she's upset, when baby's upset, she's upset.

It upsets her.

So I'm having to help her calm her down so she can properly do what she needs to do.

That's not Ariana. That's generally female.

Yeah, and motherhood.

Listen, this is not a lie. Me and Mama talked about this at the marriage conference. You know, you had some struggles a little later on as an adolescent, but I'm gonna be honest with you, you were a pretty needy baby. You were pretty easy, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Chandler cried a lot. You wanted to be held all the time. Chase, whoo, Chase was tough. Chase was tough. And mainly the sleep thing. During the day, he was just rambunctious. He had a high motor. A lot of kids have that. But it was the sleeping thing that took us down. He didn't sleep. And he didn't sleep for a long time. And I do remember when I would get home, And pull up in the driveway. I remember one time in particular, your mama had already called me about 5 times that day. She had had it. And she literally walked in, walked down the driveway before I even got out of the car with Chase out here like this right here, put him in my arms, didn't say a word, took my keys, cranked up the car and backed out and went riding.

And usually me and Chase got in trouble together a lot of times. Y'all did.

Y'all got in trouble together.

Yeah, dumb stuff.

But that lets you know it's not anything that is just, you know, original to you. Every young couple has to figure it out.

Yeah, and it's different. It's different. The circumstance is different for everyone. And my, you know, you're talking about like, for me within ministries specifically being married and the baby, I think that like, it helps me because within Society242, there's a lot of people that are my age that are married, and there's a lot of people that aren't, and there's a lot of them that have kids already, you know, you know, 5 years old, whatever, older kids or younger kids and babies. And I think it helps me be able to understand people more too, because now I have a baby. And it also helps them to receive from me because they're like, okay, this isn't just some single 30-year-old guy, you know, who's talking—

You know my world.

Yeah, so now it's, you know, I was single for a long time, but now I'm married. I've been married for a year, and You know, have a 6-month-old, so I can— it's more easy to relate to the people in the room. And that's been really helpful, 'cause I'm someone that, just like you said, it's hard for me to take advice from someone who doesn't— who's never done the thing they're talking about.

Walk in your shoes.

Yeah.

So—

Now we live in a world of that, which is one of the most intriguing things to me. I've never seen anything like it where people are coaching people to do stuff they've never done.

Yeah.

People are coaching CEOs and they've never been a CEO.

I saw someone say yesterday, I can't remember where I saw it, but someone said, life coaches make me laugh because they said, hey, this is all our first time. Saying like, how are you a life coach when we're all learning at the same time? You only get one life. How can you be a coach at life when we all only have one?

We're doing it for the first time. I, you know, I have a fellowship of Which would kind of be my life coaching network. Your mama does an inner circle. So I'm not down on it, but it does amaze me that, Chaz, when I was coming up and I was in a young adulthood, if I went to a church growth conference, they had to have a speaker that had grown a church. Now they'll have a church growth conference and the people don't even pastor.

As long as he can go viral.

It's just— it is really, really a different world.

Yeah.

But to me, what gave you the authority to speak is you've walked in my shoes. So it's true. On the West Coast, they tend to get married later. And you were on the West Coast a lot of your adult life. You got married a little bit later. And so a lot of them still tend to be single in society. You come back East Coast, they get married earlier generally. And a lot of your people are already married with kids. So when somebody calls you and says, I can't make it tonight, you know, so-and-so has got a fever, we gotta stay here. There was a day you may not have been able to connect with that, like, oh man, they're not showing up. Whereas now—

No, I get it.

You see it a little differently.

Yeah, I understand.

And another thing that I've had to like learn, and I'm still learning because I don't have all the answers and it requires a lot of, you know, research and reading in different topics when it comes to this, but, you know, I talk to people who have all sorts of different opinions than I do and what makes a good parent and what you should do for kids and what they should eat and what vaccines they shouldn't have and this and that and what's good for 'em. So I have to really watch like how I, what I say to people.

It's called TikTok moms.

Yeah, TikTok moms and things like that. And I'm having to learn all that. And especially when it comes to, you know, there's a lot of people now when it comes to discipline, like if we just, you just wanna talk about it.

Yeah.

That's a huge one. Like the whole, should you discipline your kids physically versus not, you know? And I think the way I look at it is I think verbal communication should always be your first step, you know? But, and you know, and it was Proverbs 13:24 where Solomon talks about, Whoever spares the rod hates his children.

It says, folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but whoever spares the rod—

But the one who loves children is careful to discipline them.

Careful to discipline.

Yeah, but that word, you know, Proverbs, at least Proverbs 13 was written in Hebrew, and that word rod in Hebrew is shibbel, and what that meant was in the Hebrew language was a shepherd's staff. So it wasn't— that spares the rod, yeah, it doesn't mean physical harm. It was direction because a staff, a shepherd's staff was meant for direction. So it's saying those who spares direction from his kids doesn't love his children. That's basically what it's saying.

Well, the wording in the New Testament is a little bit harsh, and I'm gonna say it, but I mean, this is King James. It said, the father who does not discipline his son, he said, it is a bastard child.

Yeah.

In other words, he says, God disciplines those he loves. In other words, discipline is to help shape my future.

Yeah.

Okay? It's not— discipline and punishment's different.

It's different things.

Discipline is to help point me in a direction and shape my future. And Psalm 23, you know, the Lord is my shepherd. He says, his rod and his staff Comfort me. Comfort me. In other words, when the sheep would begin to get out of the fold, they would tap them.

In other words, direction can bring comfort.

Absolutely. So in other words, if I don't have anybody saying, uh-uh, you can't get out here, there's danger. Uh-uh, you can't get out here, there's danger. That boundary actually brings comfort to a child. They may resist it. They may rebel against it. But it lets you know somebody cares about my life.

And what I'm doing, yeah.

And what I'm doing. And I've always loved that scripture, thy rod and thy staff. Who thinks of a rod bringing comfort?

Yeah, and I think that's where most people, at least today, think when they hear the word discipline, they think of physical abuse. And that, you know, I think a lot of it really depends on, you know, the person's kids. You know, some of them respond really well to physical— to not physical, I'm sorry, but just talking. Hey, what's wrong? Tell me why you feel this way. Tell me what's bothering you. Why are you sad? Why are you this angry? Some of them, they just need that and that's all they need and that helps them do better. Some of them, discipline might need to be a little bit more strict. And you know, like I said, that doesn't mean abuse, but it might mean more than just sitting there saying, let's just talk.

Time out, yeah.

And I think there's a line.

And let's say—

Chanlin didn't need what you and Chase did. Chanlin, if I went to Chanlin and I raised my voice, she would— I mean, she'd immediately just, you know, she couldn't take it. And I'll be honest with you, right, wrong, or indifferent, I didn't spank her much. Now you and Chase got y'all's tails beat.

Yeah, we did.

We got, I would call it whooped. Yeah.

They'll watch y'all's tails beat.

But I think there was times where me and Chase needed that. I mean, I can tell you right now, there was a lot of times where you did, where you or Mom—

Y'all were my bloody boys.

Yeah, where you and Mom did.

And here's the thing, whenever you did do that or me and Chase did get disciplined, let's say an hour later, you know, things have died down, we're in our room, we've calmed down, whatever, it was either you or Mom would always come back And say, hey, let's talk. Let me tell you why I did what I had to do and why you can't do what you did again.

Tried to.

So, and I think that's important.

Remember mercy?

Yeah, mercy. That was our plea deal. Give me mercy.

So here's what I would try to do. Sometime when they would act up or disobey, I would try to take the situation instead of just going and flogging everybody, 'Cause they were all 3 pretty rambunctious. I would try to go in sometimes and maybe communicate a biblical truth or reality in that situation.

Yeah.

So one time, you know, you get tired of being a dad and coming home and spanking everybody. 'Cause by the time, you know, Hope had had them 9, 10 hours, you know, she just— all she wants to do is me come home and just spank everybody. And that ain't the way I want to come home every day. So long and short of it, I remember one time in particular, I sat down and I said, you know, mercy is when we were supposed to get it because of our sins, but God had mercy on us and he steps in the way.

And me and Chase used that against you.

Don't give you what you deserve. So I made the huge mistake of thinking I'm really gonna be a spiritual dad and they're gonna get this spiritual truth. So what they did to me is every time from then on when they— would do something crazy. Dad, Mercy. Can we do Mercy this time? Can we do Mercy?

About to get tore up saying, well, give me Mercy, Father.

They would start running all over the house. Mercy. Dad, let's do Mercy.

Mercy this time.

Anyway, that's one of mine and Hope's things we always look back on and laugh because they wanted that Mercy all the time. We got just a couple more minutes because I only like to do about a half hour in my podcast. What would you give What advice would you give? No, no, I'm putting you on the spot. To a young adult, got a wife or a husband, got young kids in the house, but trying to be out there in the world making it happen, pay the bills, and they feel the pressure of balancing all of it. What do you do and what is some of the advice you would give them? Well, In trying to make sense out of the chaos?

I think that I've heard people say, well, I've heard people tell me before, and again, like, I'm not, I'm just speaking from my experience and, you know, from reading from the Word and things that I gather and what kind of revelation I get from it is I've heard people say compromise, and I don't really, I think compromise and sacrifice are 2 different things. I think they're very similar, but they're still different. I feel like love is a sacrifice, and Corinthians lays out what love is.

Right.

But I think ultimately love is a huge sacrifice, but I don't think love is a compromise, because that would be to me to say, you know what, I married Ariana, and I compromised who I was to do that. I don't think I compromised anything. I think me being with her made myself better and made her better. But there are things in my life that I had to sacrifice to make that work. But I don't think I compromised anything in my life because I think my life, she made my life better. And I hear, you know, especially with young adults, it makes me sad because a lot of guys my age or even younger who get married and, you know, they have, let's say they have a night out with their guys and they're like, okay, I haven't had a night out in 2 months and I get to go hang out with my guys finally. And, you know, let's say they go bowling or whatever. You know, I've heard people say this, even come around me and they say it, and like, they talk trash about their wife. And it's like, oh man, I'm just so glad I get to be away from her. I'm so glad I get— and I'm like, dude, like, that's— I love my wife.

I don't connect to that.

You know what I mean? I love my wife. I'm glad that I get to be with her, and I'm glad that we get to do life together, and that's how it should be. I hear it all the time and I'm like, dude, that's such the wrong perspective to have. And I don't— and it's sad.

A life that you've chosen for yourself with your living partner should not be something you can't wait to get away from. If it's something you can't wait to get away from, then everything needs to stop and all the issues need to be talked about and uncovered because it obviously didn't start there, it went there.

And that's one other thing I'll say is before Before I even asked her to marry me, before we got engaged, I had already like, we had already talked about everything. Like I had laid out—

20 years, you ought to.

Yeah, yeah, and I had laid out, you know, plans and goals and things that I like, things I don't like, you know, even just like little nitpicky things, like the way you get up in the morning, how you go to sleep, like different things. She knew basically every single thing about me before I even asked her to marry me. how I felt about kids. She knew the way I wanted to raise them, the values, the cores.

I think that's always the key to dating. Dating should eliminate 90% of the surprises.

You shouldn't have to— you don't need to be asking those questions after you've already been married.

No, it should eliminate— there's always things— You learn and people are involved. Yeah, but it should eliminate 90% of any surprises. That's what courtship is meant for. You get to make the decision on this side of it instead of the other side of it. Is this person right for me? Am I right for this person? Do we mesh good together? And I dated your mama 3 and a half years. You dated 4 years. I don't think there's a certain time, but I've always told people that date, do this: date them long enough to see them in more than one season. Yeah.

Seasons where they're defeated, seasons where they're—

See them when they're down. See them when they're up. See them when they're sick. See them when they're well. Send them when they have a bad day. Send them when they're on their menstrual cycle. Send them when they're off their menstrual cycle. You need to be around them enough. What are they like with the flu? What are they like when they're broke? What are they like with a lot of money? What are they like when they're stressed?

My generation, those are ride or dies. That's what we call them. I mean, through thick and thin. You know, the good, the bad, the ugly, the sick. And those are— it's easier, you know, when you get up there and you're saying your vows and you're saying, yes, I do, to all these things, You know, obviously you're excited in the moment, but it's harder, it's much harder in reality when you get back home and you're done with your honeymoon and babies come and school and work. Like, those things putting into practice require like effort and they're strategic. Like, when you wake up in the morning, it's like, okay, what can I do today to make sure these things that I said and promised like come to fruition in our relationship? And you have to be mindful of like those decisions. Like what— What am I doing each day that's gonna better, you know, not just me and her together, but her individually, me individually, so that we can be better for each other, you know? And I try to look at my life and our relationship through that lens. It's like, hey, in order for her to be her best self, I have to be my best self and vice versa.

And as the man, Chaz, I've always taught y'all, You set the tone for your house. As you go, the house is going to go.

And that's not—

here's another thing too about this generation that a lot of people would call that toxic masculinity and it's not.

They can call it what they want to. It's biblical. The man is the priest of the home and the oil starts at the head. So whatever that house is going to be like is going to start out with the leadership and God has put The man at the head of the house. I told him, it's not that a man's better than, it's for the purpose of function.

Yeah.

There has to be a protocol for anything to function. And so God has set up the function in the house that as the man goes— so if you're calm, your household has a better chance of being calm. If you're all over the place and chaotic, your house has a much better chance of being chaotic.

It lays it out.

If you have a great perspective and you have goals, then your family has a whole lot better time. I mean, they say this, I may get the number a little bit off. If the man of the house gets saved, there's a 91% chance the entire family will be Christian. If the woman of the house gets saved, there's like a 32% chance. That the whole family will be Christian. So it— God has set it up as the man goes, so the whole house goes.

And like you said, that doesn't mean one is better than the other. It just means you just— it's identifying that there's things that I'm good at that she's not, and she's good at things that I'm not.

And it's meant to complement each other and to work and function properly.

Toxic masculinity, my foot. We need some men badly. in our homes and to be fathers and in the church and everything else. So long and short of it, this has been great. Thank you for sharing it with me. We've gone a little bit long, but me and my boy got to talking here and I learned some things today I didn't even know. Guys, check us out. Hope is going to be here when she can, probably be here for the next one. But like I said, whisper a prayer for her. We're not dealing with nothing that everybody don't have to deal with. Everybody has to deal with aging parents at some time. But ours deteriorated pretty quickly, and this is our first time walking this out. And I can tell you, it has been a difficult time for her, to say the least. So whisper a prayer and know that we love you and we care for you. Check us out on YouTube. Go to your favorite streaming platform. We're all on there. Tell a friend and check it out. Until next time, this is Ron and Hope with Chaz. Unfiltered, real, raw, and relevant.

I'll throw myself in there. If you guys are young adult, you know, anything above 18, early 30s, mid-20s, check us out on Instagram, Society242GVL. That's our Greenville campus. And then we have San Jose, the West Coast, Society242@SJ.

And if you're within driving distance of that region, check one of them out and you'll find out all the dates and all the things we got going on on Instagram. Love you guys. We'll see you real soon.