Ep. 589 | The Hidden Reason High-Achieving Women Don’t Feel Financially Free

Andresa Guidelli and I were about to start a conversation about why successful women real estate investors still don't feel financially free or fulfilled. And we're like, well, let's invite more women to this conversation. So if that's you, join us and let's tackle it Right away. Liz, why do you think that happens?

Why?

Why the hell? If they are being very successful, if they are achieving what they said they are going to, why there's something off?

Yeah, I think there's a couple parts to that. When I, when I think about it for myself and I think about it for other women, right? The success is on paper, right? It's the things that they were given as what does success look like to to a person, right? That's, that's the biggest part of this. And I think it, it, it was never theirs to create. They didn't create, or I should say I didn't create, what does success look like to me? Now we've coached women to do that within the investor community. We even support each other early on with those conversations. But that is not how I started as an entrepreneur or even as a real estate investor. I can remember for me, you know, going to the Rias, going to the, to the boot camps. They were called boot camps back then. I feel like I went to every boot camp I could costly spend money on. And I had a lot of male teachers, nothing wrong with that, but I don't, I remember ever a woman coming and speaking and talking about what does success look like to you on your terms. I just remember getting this bug that we need to buy and own as many doors as possible. That was the, that was the common theme, that was the common teaching point, and I can remember, 'cause I'm a geek, I keep all my old goals, of course printed out, 'cause I know you like that I kill trees.

I was gonna say you have them.

Of course. Of course I print them out. And I remember reading them and I was, I came upon them recently and I remember reading, it was like 2004. I mean, you know, I've been at this a long time and it said by 2010 you're going to own 10,000 doors.

Why?

And, and I, I didn't have a why. I didn't have a reason. Nothing against owning big portfolios. I have that, right? That's kind of the business we've created. We don't own 10,000 doors, but the part, the bottom line for everyone listening, right, that you and I were talking about and we're like, all right, we've gotta record this, is that the success you've achieved is actually, where did that come from? And more importantly, does it still work for you? 'Cause that's really what we're talking about is how does that then connect to the freedom that you're seeking that you may not feel like totally aligned with? So it's those questions to start asking. What does success look like to me on my terms? This season of life, right? Especially this season.

And I think that this is a good sign. If something feels off, it's because something, it is off. So it's an alert, right? And you're like, be curious about, okay, what about this does not feel, align anymore. At some point it probably was, otherwise I don't think you would be investing time into it. I remember when I started rehabbing houses and start scaling it, so excited to go to the closing of my flips, celebrated with dinner after, like, and then started like fading that, you know, adrenaline that was feeling. I didn't go to closings after a while. Yeah. I'm like, oh, we have one closing this week or two closings this week.

Who?

No, I don't mind attending it. Why would I attend to write down the paper to give the key? Like, no, not doing that anymore. So it started fading it. So what I thought that once I start scaling and have multiple projects at the same time, and that will be means I'm successful. That was not there anymore. And then you start redefining it. But now on my own terms, I feel that my majority of my coaches were men except Kim Kiyosaki. That was part of the coaching too. And another woman that later on came, came to be my coach. But one, they told me what success was to them. Right? And many of them had wives that was backing everything up at home. So they were able to do what they were saying, the 3-hour freaking morning meditation. They were able to do that because they had somebody to back that up, right? And to feed the kid, the dog, whatever. The point is I'm trying to make is that number one, I was not asked what success it is to me. And number two, I also was not shown how could I build a business that didn't depend on me 24/7. What I was told, the formula of success was learn as many strategies as you can. I learned so many strategies that I've never done anything with it.

Never.

Buy as much as you possibly can.

Right? Doesn't matter if they cash flow or not, but just buy as much as you can.

Just buy it. Yeah. And then, and then that was it. You're supposed to be happy after that. Thank you so much. Au revoir. And that didn't happen. And I think many times women, we have an advantage that we are more in touch. We know when it's not working anymore. And that does not mean successful to me. Successful to me right now was not what I thought successful was back then. Success to me right now has all to do about the time that I spend on the project, what type of project that is. I'm not seeking, I don't know what I was seeking before, quantity of shit. Like, why? And consuming a lot of my time. So that was not it. I think the second point here, number one, the recipe of success was not ours, right? And then I had to define what exactly success looks like. And then I face a big roadblock to me. I am the type of person that I set higher goals, I achieve them, and the minute that I achieve them, something happens. Then I'm already looking on the next thing. And that ain't fair. That ain't fair because I don't celebrate for too long the achievement. And it's like, okay, I guess that was not that difficult. But, uh, it was a long-term journey to get there. So if you can relate to that, if you're out there like, I've been driven my entire life and every time that I achieve a goal, I have another one and I keep going. What I have found is that I had to measure my happiness, my fulfillment through the journey, not necessarily through the horizon or the result itself. I had to find joy as I was going through on a daily basis and say, I am enjoying this process. I'm enjoying this process. I like who I'm becoming. I like the skill sets. I don't like all the bullshit that comes with it, but there is a reason for it. I am sure I'm gonna know why that's happening, all the challenges that come with All when you elevate.

I have a question for you, like a devil's advocate. I think the idea of enjoying the process makes sense, right? It definitely makes sense. It's something I would agree with, people listening would agree with, but shifting the idea to the action is always something that's where the work needs to happen. So how have you very tangibly enjoyed the process? What does that look like for you?

Yeah. I had to look at my body cuz I don't think joy is something that I could control.

You mean in the sense you're, you're being aware of your nervous system? Is that what you're saying? Totally. Okay.

Totally. If I had activities, tasks, or anything that it was exhausting physically, but I could run a freaking marathon at the end of the day because that brought me so much energy, I loved it. It is just like fulfilling. It's like, I get shit done. That is a sign to me that I am enjoying the journey. Anything that is funky that I'm like, oh gosh, no, I cannot have another call about this. Or it's, I'm going against the grain. I, it's not working. Then it doesn't bring me joy. So I had to kind of like look at not the rational piece of it, but how my body was feeling in it. If my nervous system was enjoying it or not. If I was getting drained or if I was getting energy. And that is my compass.

That's powerful. I, I think, I think for, for me, right, is to be able to say to myself, when you're saying, okay, I haven't celebrated it and I just move on. I think the other part for me and for other women at times is that we don't actually assess what worked, like what was successful about it so that you can move forward with like more of a path of least resistance. And I think that's the season, right? Women are in right now. It's like, okay, I don't, I don't need, it doesn't need to take me 5 years or, or 3 years, or I, I have the success on paper, but yet I don't feel not just financially free, but have freedom of time, right? Right? That's, that's the ultimate goal, right? Beyond even financial freedom is having time freedom. I think for, for me is I, I'm really, I get curious about why did that work? Why did that, why was that so easy versus what, what is so hard about this? And then I'm able to reconcile that and say, okay, let me, I look at like success leaving clues and, and, and especially if I'm challenged with something or frustrated with something, I, I look back, maybe not in that moment, but something else that happened that, that I can dig into where the clues are. 'Cause success does leave clues, and some of them we wanna pick up and use to have a path of least resistance, and others we just wanna let go of. We're not picking up anymore.

And that's something that you and I, we're anal about. We debrief every single damn thing, a project, a relationship, a partnership that worked or didn't work, any event that we do, we have that last, step that we debrief, we ask for feedback from people who attended, who organized it, our team, what worked, what didn't, so we can kind of like move, move along. But one thing that I think is crucial for all of you that are listening, that first of all, you need to be aware that that is the point of it. You want to seek to understand about what worked.

What worked?

Was not luck. What exactly are the key performance indicators that you can duplicate? And what didn't work? So you can like, hell no, that is a sign, that's a red flag to me that I'm not gonna do it again. But awareness though, it's hard to say this, but if you let your ego get into it. If you are attached to the projects, you're like, oh, it's my baby. Why are you criticizing it? Or whatever. You get in the way of progress and learning. So for all of you that are listening, they're like, I have a hard time because I put so much effort into a project. I don't want people to come and point freaking damn fingers on it, right? I hear you. What I want you to do is to separate yourself from it. And see from the outside. Imagine the project right in front of you, not part of you, and allow that to happen. But I also say, uh, Simon Sinek said something one day that it made so much sense. The timing of doing that is very important. Liz and I, when we come back from InvestorCon, which is our annual conference that takes 12 months to make it, I do not look at feedback and we do not debrief right away because I'm just coming out of an entire journey and I need a little bit of time to debrief. How do I know that that works? That works because there was a time where I was just finished the conference, was relaxing at the hot tub. Just took off all my 6 Band-Aids out of my damn feet and somebody came to gimme feedback. Not the right timing to do that. Yeah. Right? So for you, if it is fresh, if a project is just fresh, if a relationship just ended, a partnership that didn't go well, you had to fire somebody, give yourself a minute. Right? You can put some words down, but give yourself a minute to also, okay, I need a little bit of time to get together. And then you have the capacity and the ability to do it in a way that it would be beneficial to you. Do you remember that, Liz? Hot tub situation?

Yeah, yeah. Taking the Band-Aids off your feet. But yeah, all we wanted to do is relax, right? And just chit-chat, talk about the weather, talk about random things. Yeah, no, absolutely. I, I think the other, the piece of the puzzle that, that I've been doing is when I think something isn't successful and it's not working, it's easy to like look at the KPIs. It's easy to look at the tactical pieces and that's important. You have to also look at, and I'll, and this is both what worked, what didn't work, is the mindset, the way of being. 'Cause so much of our success is from our heads, not just our actions. It's both. And so that's the harder one that people, I think a lot of women don't naturally go to. They, they do, but they don't— oh, I can, I can do this better, I can do that better. Yes, there's a tactical piece, but then there's a higher level of like that strategic piece, which I think most people miss. And, you know, the way of being, right? The, the approach, the leadership, the— it's what I mean by way of being, um, your mindset. What are you holding each day? Uh, that matters. You know, and what, what are you projecting out, right? Even in the projects that you have. So I agree though, I think the success on paper has to be, you have to look at what success, how you define it now and how you wanna continue to define it. 'Cause no one's gonna do that for you, right? No one's gonna move you to the, take you to the gym and make you work out. You have to define that based on your goals.

You and I talk a lot about when we are debriefing and then we get into the, the items that didn't work, right? Let's say you hire a contractor, he or she or they were over time and over budget. The easiest thing to do is to blame them. And hear me, you might be totally right on that, but that is out of your control. So what we wanna do is to get to the root cause of it. What are you under control? How you contribute to that situation? What can you do differently? As Liz was saying, your way of being it. So the root cause of the problem, many times, many times, it's a lack of expectations, lack of clear communication, and lack of clear management. A project, a person, you combine those three. The root cause, it was, oh, I never talked about, oh yeah, we talked about it, but we didn't put in writing, or You thought A, I thought B, and we thought, I thought we were thinking about the same thing. So the root cause, right, Liz, we talked about root cause all the time. What is the root cause of here? Then you, you, you just want to know what exactly caused the issue at first place. Because if you don't know that, it's going to happen over and over again. And if you observe, it's already happening across all different things that you do inside or outside your business.

Everywhere. Absolutely. I, I, here's the secret. You wanna hear the secret?

Yeah.

I'm gonna whisper the secret to, to all of it. Tell me.

Tell me.

To, in order to increase success, cuz that's what we're also talking about is how do you increase success so that it feels and you have this connection to the freedom you're creating. Those two need to be aligned. That's the whole point of what we're even talking about. The secret to increasing this successful feeling is to have recurring meetings. And I don't know how many times it seems like so simple, like, what are you talking about? So many times we hear, especially the women, right, in Strive, in our mentorship program, like, oh, I talk to the contractor when I need to. I talk to them when I need to. Or worse yet, this is the other one, we talk every day. I don't wanna talk to my contractor every day. Like, I don't talk to my contractor every day. I'm doing a luxury build right now. I don't wanna talk to him every day. No offense to him, not someone I need to talk to every day. I have a lot of things to, to manage right now. Don't need to talk to him every day. Waste of time. But I have a standing meeting, right? And it's such a simple, something simple to put in place, right, Andresa, that if it doesn't necessarily happen, it's going to completely, the chances of success goes down. I can put that on a tombstone.

Let me paraphrase what you were saying, cuz I wanna make sure that the women can see it from two different angles. So the success of the project itself, sure, can, can increase the likelihood that your project's gonna be on time and on budget is by you having clear communication, clear expectation, and recurring meetings with your contractor, right? But one point that you made there, that once that happens, the sensation of fulfillment And happiness to me comes from growing the sense that I am growing or that I am moving the needle forward. In a nutshell, that's such a good point. I feel is correlated to, of course, progress. Like if I'm making progress, I'm being successful. If I'm freaking stuck in limbo, or there's something there, then I don't. And I don't know if, how do you measure your ongoing success? How do you feel, Liz, if X is happening, then I feel that I am successful? What is that for you?

I think there's been growth there, and I think you've been a really good teacher in that where I'll be more, I used to be more of the person in the mindset of, I needed to get it all like figured out. I needed to do like 85 actions to move the needle or I wasn't going to feel good about it, honestly, even beyond the result, because I've always been pretty results-oriented myself too. Even beyond that, just, oh, I got to get all of this complete so I can feel really successful about the progress. And, you know, you and I in our conversations and back and forth, you're like, what's the— what's really a few things that can happen? What's the one thing? Today I'm like, one thing, that's not enough. I don't wanna do one thing. I wanna do 85. But the one thing actually is the key. So I, I do think I have a new feeling of success. Our, um, the flip that we're working on has taken longer than I had originally anticipated. It is costing more than I had anticipated, right? That we budgeted. Of course we have conservative metrics in place. However, I'm, I'm on a weekly basis saying, how do we move, move forward powerfully? How do I have a pulse on what's going on so I can manage this project to the best of my ability? And if I'm doing that, I feel successful. I don't have a buyer yet. That would be make— that would be wonderful because that's the result of, of course, at the asking price. But I'm in control of the process as much as I possibly can right now. There's no surprises. I'm not unsure of what's happening. I don't know how much I've paid the contractor. I don't know what the hell is going on. That's not the case. So my level— not control like I'm controlling what is happening, but I'm very clear and I have extreme clarity where we are, where we're going, and, and what needs to be happening to get us to the goal. That makes me feel successful.

Yeah.

Same thing with preparing for InvestHerCon. You and I pour ourselves into this being our 5th annual, right, conference so that the women coming, the sponsors coming can have literally the best experience in transforming their own world and their own life so that they could be more successful. Quote unquote, in their own lives, in their own way. Yeah. You and I are constantly saying, how do we continue to create that experience? And what on a daily basis can we do to make sure of that? Move the needle. Ensure of that.

Exactly. And I think that for me, what I had to learn how to manage my nervous system was like, okay, this, I don't have to have the entire plan I can have it. What you and I created is, uh, we broke down the plan into let's create a skeleton and then the skeleton, we're going to start developing the phases of it. So we have overall view of what we want to achieve. Yeah. What is the ultimate goal? But then that allows all of us high achievers out there, right? Your standard, you're not lowering your standard. That's not what we are saying here. Quite opposite, right? How can I keep my standard, sometimes elevate my standard, because I do have high standards, but is this good enough right now for me to move the needle forward? I don't want to be a bottleneck to anybody, and I don't want the project to get stagnant. Anything, any type of project, I want to see that I'm moving. And sometimes The success comes in disguise. Let's say I hire, which I did, right? Marketing company, a VA, you name it. And I thought I was doing the right thing, vetting them, setting the expectations, the communication, and didn't work. And you're like, damn it. And then you're like, go from Frustration to then saying, okay, what did I miss here? What is under my control? What can I do next time? It's not pleasant. It sucks, right? It really sucks. But those experiences, Liz and I are now spotting the red flags much earlier. If we haven't had experiences that we had with people, contractors, lawyers, you name it, Those folks, they taught me something and it was so damn painful that I learned the lesson and I'm not making it again. And I always say it out loud. If you hear me in InvestorCon or any other place saying, I heard it and I'm not making it again, because I'm declaring it that I got to the root cause and I'm not making that same damn mistake that cost me time, money, and my energy. Again, that is, that goes to my non-negotiables. So Liz, the bottom line here is financial freedom, right? Mm-hmm. So number one, we were taught a recipe that was never ours. Then number two, we need to define what success looks like to us. But ultimately, we need to define what financial freedom looks like to us. To some people, financial freedom is not to have a credit card balance. For others, is not to have a mortgage and either car payment or anything. For others, is to have their 6 months in savings account and have their house, have a balance over here and there, have a regular life. For others, financial freedom is having assets that build cash flow in a monthly basis that they don't need to work in order to earn, uh, that money anymore. And you, you have different, different levels, right? The key for you that are, are, are listening is that growth is all about going from point A to point B. So point B, I encourage you to think about what is the lifestyle that you want? What financial freedoms look, look like to you? What being, having freedom of time looks like to you? So you define that and that will determine how many houses you need, what type of diversification do you need versus the opposite, right? If you are somebody that wants to live in a very simple house with no cell phone, no nothing, your in— your need for an income is much lower than somebody that wants to have 3 international vacations, a personal chef. So start there and then go to A. A is where you are at right now. Many people do not actually know where they're at right now, and they keep buying more properties versus optimizing what they already have. You are able to increase your cash flow by optimizing your current portfolio without having to buy another property. I bet there are some properties that are leaking money. And things that are not optimized. So then go there. A lot of people get into the mix of the middle of it, of the, oh, let me set it up. The, I wanna buy 50 houses this year. I wanna have a $100,000 cash flow. Those are goals that sometimes are up in the air versus being connected to your ultimate goal. Point B, and where you are at right now. So the majority of the work happens in, in the middle. And I have good news to you because you might be saying, Andresa, but there's a lot of things, right? Right, Liz? The, what, what should I be thinking in, in the middle? We're going to dissect the 5 pillars. That every business must have in place. 'Cause I don't know about you, Liz, but I was not taught how to build a business when I was investing, right? Learning how to invest.

No, I got my master's degree in social work, right?

I have an MBA and—

True. You had a little more, you had a little more of a, of upper hand.

But I, I learned finance.

Sure.

But not this type of finance.

Yeah.

I didn't, I, I don't have a I have no, no memory of, of that. I don't know what I was doing. The, the bottom line is that the middle part between A and D is very overwhelming, and we wanna make sure you have a framework that you can focus on. So at InvestorCon, Liz and I are going to dissect the 5 pillars that every business should have. So what we're gonna do is we're going to ask questions. You're going to evaluate where you are at. And what's next versus, oh, I'm gonna tackle everything at once. There is a reason why there is a sequence. What comes first? Don't worry about that now. Let's focus on those things. And we wanna share that, uh, with you because the worst thing that you can do is to feel overwhelmed, right, Liz?

Absolutely. The, and, and I would also add to that there, Even for women who know where they wanna be, what does financial freedom look like? They know where they are and they actually feel, so to speak, they're busy in the middle. That's a lot of women coming that we interact with in investor, uh, community that come to the conference. It's not like they're not doing, they're not, they're not on the sidelines necessarily. They're actually doing activity. However, what the missing pieces to your, you know, the, the certainly we're gonna do the 5 pillars, But the other layer to that, right? That's knowledge, that's internal work. The beautiful part about InvestorCon is then now you're able to see what other women are doing so that you can cut some steps out that you're doing that actually are costing you more time, that are costing you more, more money, and are moving you away from the very thing that you said you wanted. That's the work. And that's what I think makes InvestorCon so powerful because, and there are different roads that people are taking. It's like, oh, I can shortcut this. I can get access to this. Oh, I didn't know you knew a lender there or a builder there, or I didn't know about that market. That's what I love about our conference. You know what I love about our conference?

You know, I always joke with people about this, but that's the truth. You're going to get pissed. Yeah. You're going to get pissed because that's how I felt when I attended conferences where people were ahead of me or already were.

And I'm like, I wish I knew about that.

No, I was pissed. I was like, why people didn't tell me that?

Yeah.

Are you saying to me that I had to do all of this to get to the point? What the hell? I was pissed at first. And then I'm like, now how can I implement this as fast as I can so I don't waste more time? And I think that that's, that's the bottom line for for listening. If you are still here with us, it's because you really care about your time and how you are going to invest your money with intention. So I, I really encourage you to elevate your environment because you are going to bypass years, years by being next to women that have done what you're looking to do and really focus on the next steps very— getting— instead of getting overwhelmed with everything that is in front of you. We really don't want you to work in a silo. You're capable of it. We know that's not even the case, but you don't have to. Don't have to. It's a beautiful thing when you can find driven women real estate investors like you. And that's the place to be. Scottsdale, Arizona, June 14th to 16th. And do something about what you heard of it today. Journal. It's about journal. Journal what's coming up for you. Share with us. Listen to it again. Pause it. Say, okay, let me, let me see how, how is that for me? Because the strategy starts with you. All right? Thanks so much for listening.

Yes, thank you for being here. Do something with what you learned.

Thank you for listening. I hope you found today's conversation valuable. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes. And share this with the women in your life that needs to hear it. I'll see you next week.