Ep. 590 | Why Smart Women Still Struggle With Confidence in Real Estate Investing

Confidence is often misunderstood. People treat confidence like a personality trait. You either have or you don't. But neuroscience tells us that it behaves much more like a skill. And here's the shift. Confidence doesn't come before action. Confidence is built because of action. In today's episode, we're unpacking how confidence is actually built, how to make confident decisions, why women underestimate themselves, and why having the right community can become the net that helps you take bigger leaps. Let's get started.

Confidence is not something that you Google it or you order on Amazon. It's something that you already have within you. And in today's episode, we're going to be dissecting lessons that how can you increase the confidence that you already have. And if you are thinking, oh, Andresa, I am not confident. Stick around, stick around, my dear. So the number one strategy here is leverage the confidence that you already have. Period.

Yeah, period.

But let me give you some statistics here that will prove my point. So 71% of men rate themselves as having high investment knowledge. Versus 54% of women. Think about it, 71 and 54, okay? And then 49% of men say, say they feel comfortable making investment decisions versus 34% of, of women. And here's the plot twist: women often perform as well as men about 40, 40 basis points annually. So we don't have a competence gap, we have a confidence gap. So the point that we're trying to make it here is that your perception is not equal actually the level of confidence that you already have. So where can we find it? We are looking for evidence in the past because that's where the clue is. And I want you to think about confidence as something that you can develop, not something that you are just there, oh, this is the amount that I have. You are able to, to develop. And there is a difference between skills and personality. So let's get to that point, Liz, cuz I wanna make sure that every single person that has a different type of personality gain their confidence in different ways. So can you give me some examples here of introverts, extroverts, dominant, more quiet people, how do they gain their confidence?

And most people listening, right, Andresa, have a sense of who they might be or where, you know, if they're more introverted, extroverted. And that's not even what we're talking about. The more important part is to know some of our personality traits and our core behaviors because we can increase our confidence as a result. And I think that's the part that most people don't even realize. It's like, I'm either this or this, and that's nice to know and doesn't serve me in actually you know, increasing my confidence. So a couple examples. If you are more of an extroverted person, I'm gonna start there.

Those are the core behaviors that you're gonna, you're referring to?

Yeah. If you're more of a people person, if you will, more expressive in your style of communication than quieter. Sometimes what happens, Andresa, those people are viewed as more confident. So in other words, the more someone talks, the more confident they're perceived. And that could be the furthest from the truth. Just because someone talks a lot does not mean they're confident. And just because someone is quiet doesn't mean they're not confident. So that's just a sidebar. But in terms of just, you know, where somebody that is more expressive gets their, gets, increases their confidence is typically in new areas. They're talking things through, they're gaining feedback. There's almost like a feedback loop. And as they're talking something through, as they're getting feedback, they find themselves feeling more confident. And sometimes it's a feeling, right? It's not a, I'm 0 to 10. It's usually like a little bit of a dial. Another example is if somebody is more fact-based, they're more logical people, they're gonna gain confidence by, like Andresa was just mentioning, a little more evidence, right? Information. Quite honestly, facts. Facts are the way they're gonna gain confidence in something or not opinions, facts, not opinions, right? And then, you know, I see it a lot with the, with the women in InvestHer, uh, and Andresa, I'm sure you as well, is that women either sometimes are naturally have become detail-oriented or they've, they've needed to become detail-oriented. But I do believe there, there are women who are kind of wired, right? Have that attention to detail by nature. And the part of the confidence piece is knowledge. The more we learn, the more information we glean in something, a market, a strategy, our confidence increases. And that's not for everyone. People that are not as much like that are not gonna need to do 80 hours of research, but some people are gonna feel more comfortable and confident as they get that research, as they do the work on the information gathering. So the bottom line is to kind of know where your confidence has come from in the past. Andresa Guidelli and I were just talking as we were preparing for this, and Andresa, we've all had moments like what moment for you where you're like, I was, I was a 10 out of 10 on confidence. Typically it came from— there was a reason for it. Real estate or not real estate related. But we all had those, those high confident moments in our lives. And that's what we really want to encourage you to think about and then say, what is it for me? Right? What is it really for me? Where can I leverage? Right. And tap into areas I've already been confident.

Absolutely. I'll give you guys an example that we are going through right now. We are building a fund where passive investors are going to be able to invest in women-led projects, and the women-led projects are operators that we've had them in the deals. This is an area, the fund itself is an area that we haven't done before. However, we have a really good pulse on our operators and what passive investors really want from our community. We're confident in serving and creating a win-win there. Now it comes down to the process, right? It's, is, is a big elephant to eat. And if I look at that as a big elephant, a lump sum, it's too big. Then I start questioning it. So for all of you that are listening or watching it right now, whatever project you are facing in front of you, that is a new path for you, right? It's a lump sum. What we are doing is breaking it down in phases and obviously not relying on ourselves to figure every piece of it out. We are seeking people that have done similar things that what we're looking to do, collaborations, uh, reaching out to operators and other, uh, passive investors and really getting a sense of what do we need to put in place here to create a very solid foundation, prove the point. Why I'm saying that I'm breaking things down and I encourage you to also do that is that then it becomes a doable project of phase 1. If phase 1, it's completed successfully, I gain more confidence to go to phase 2, and it gives me evidence that I am on the right path versus spending a ton of time putting this huge project together. Obviously we have a, a business plan and a skeleton of it, but I'm not gonna develop every single little piece of it until phase 1 is successfully developed. So for you, it doesn't matter what it is, if it is a new construction or you are going to a new asset class or a new market, breaking it down in smaller pieces because as you complete phase 1, you're getting more confidence because you are taking action and you are seeing the evidence with that. And, and we are talking to other people as well, right, Liz? So I highly recommend you to reach out because then you're fulfilling the, your personality traits. For me, it's data. For Liz will be really connecting with other, other people. So we are really combining all our skills, what everybody brings to the table and gives us confidence on, on moving forward.

Yeah, absolutely.

All right, so the strategy number 1 is go within. Strategy number 2, it is take action, right? And then, uh, many people might say, well, I don't feel like it. I don't feel like taking action because I'm not confident in taking that action. And confidence comes from taking action. You took an action and you're like, oh, that was not that bad. Right? And then you, you keep—

I like this.

You, you keep going. And I think that that is the ultimate goal here when people are, are taking, of course, your strategic action. I don't even need, if you're listening to this, you are a woman, you're already strategically thinking, oh, how, how can you overcome obstacles? But the action piece of moving the needle forward is what will give you confidence and not the other way around. So instead of like ruminating and questioning yourself, the ultimate goal is for you to, okay, what works for me to make a decision here? Like a type of a framework, right, Liz?

Yeah, no, absolutely. And one quick thing to mention is that we often think actions, kind of like you were just saying about the, the priorities, right? Breaking those up. We often think actions have to be so big. So, and then we get overwhelmed and we do nothing. And something that you and I have taught and we've seen through our masterclasses and, you know, our, our different sessions we've done with our, our Strive members, with invest— our investor members is micro-actions. So start thinking of it as micro-actions, micro-decisions. It's not just these big actions or big decisions. It's usually the small ones and those are more doable. And so what really is important there is that you don't get stopped by the big decisions or the big actions. You start doing this, making those small micro decisions, micro actions, and that builds your confidence, right?

Let me give you an example for our people that are listening of that, because they're like, okay, what would that look like, right? It's the action that you're like, what?

Of course I can do that. It's so simple, right?

Of course, I can actually do more of that. So it's, for example, send that email to the broker that you wanna grab coffee with, right? Call the property management company that you are not happy with, or send that email that you, you really wanna get into alignment, right?

If you wanna, um, go to that networking event in your community that you wanna start investing in, RSVP, show up. RSVP, right?

It's not even attending, it's the Our SVP, right?

It's really, it's, it's that the whole analogy of getting your, putting your sneakers on. You wanna start going to the gym more? Just put your sneakers on.

That's it.

And Andresa, you and I have, have learned the power of decisive action, not just because we've built our own confidence based on who we are, but it's also about surrounding yourself with, you know, with, with, with peers, with, with colleagues and their, you know, their, you know, their lessons have become our lessons. So one of the sessions and keynotes at InvestorCon that I am So I'm so excited about every keynote and every session, but I'm so excited to have Alicia St. Germain. She is one of our, uh, been a mentor, uh, within our Strive community and within the investor community. And she's gonna be talking specifically about decisive action and how women can move from hesitation to decisive action. And sometimes it seems simpler than it, than it is, uh, but a lot of women are in that space of hesitation and indecision, and that's not serving you. Uh, and so she's gonna go through one of her frameworks, the NOW Advantage framework and really break this down, which she does amazingly because she's trained over like 10,000 real estate entrepreneurs on these very concepts. So you will leave that session with being able to say, okay, where do I need to make decisive action so that it builds your confidence that you already have? So really excited about that session, but she'll be there speaking and engaging with our community at InvestorCon. So Come be with us. You've heard us say it before, real estate is a relationship business, and one of the most powerful ways to build those relationships is through meaningful conversations. That's one of the reasons we love podcasting. It's allowed us to connect with incredible women, build deeper relationships, and open doors to opportunities we never expected. But to keep the show running consistently at a high level, we don't do it alone. We have an amazing team behind us at Social Chameleon who handles all the behind the scenes work, the production, the content and distribution, so we can stay focused on serving you and growing our business. So if you've ever thought about starting your own podcast or taking it to the next level, they can help you do the same. With Social Chameleon, you press record and they handle the rest. Check them out at socialchameleon.us. That's socialchameleon.us. Us.

So let's go to the third strategy, and this is really crucial for you to build your confidence. It comes down to your support system. So let me ask you a question. Would you be willing to jump out of the top of a mountain if you knew that there was a net?

Is this a question for me?

For everybody that is listening. I have bu— I'm waiting.

I have done bungee jumping, you know that.

That's right. Then you come try to convince me to, to go twice skydiving, and that's a no, right?

Yeah, in skydiving.

Listen, I don't do on the corner roller coaster of small parks. Kidding me?

I know. I don't, I don't get my adventure needs met through my amazing relationship with Andresa Guidelli.

We do other things together. No, needs like you wanna go around the lazy river? I'm in.

I like that too though, so that works.

That's it. But the point here is, I'll share something. You don't know this, Liz. Oh no. No, you don't know this. So, I was supposed to buy a house next door, but somebody else bought it.

I knew that.

You know that part, right? But here's what happened after, right? And listen, God bless, they're almost ready to list it. I hope it goes very well. It has to go well, right? Because it will affect the price of my house. But the bottom line is they build a fence on the other side of the house and it's a neighbor that I know. And then she came to me and say, "Hey, I think they build a fence on my land. What do I do?" I'm like, "Well, well, well, let's first verify the data." Get your checkbook out.

No, I'm just joking. Get your checkbook out and you're gonna pay me first. No, I'm joking.

No, I'm like, "Well, let's verify the data, right?" Let's see where is your line? Do you have a survey or the data itself? And then what was coming up for her, and she's a very confident person and she's like, I don't wanna bother them. I don't wanna delay anything for them. I don't want to be a bad neighbor for them. I'm like, hold on a second. Hold on a second. You, are not doing anything that is unfair. First, let's verify the data. Indeed, they were a couple of feet there. And then she's like, okay, what's next? I'm like, well, let's have a conversation with the individual and say, ah, well, this is not gonna work. And then the individual said, well, we can have it on the contract when the new buyer gets it that you will have access to it if you need it. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. It's getting a little muddy. Let me get a few opinions over here. Anyway, long story short, no, they're moving that fence.

Oh, okay. Look at you.

They're moving the fence. And then she's like, I owe you that because you gave me clarity and confidence into making the decision. And I also talked to, you encouraged me to talk to a survey, to the folks that, my contractor that built the fence as well, to see it, what would be the impact on There's a couple of items there that will impact a lot of different things, not just a simple fence. They have a structure issue that should be taken care of. But in a nutshell, she's super confident now in really saying and standing her ground, say, hey, this is actually my property and I actually need you to Good.

Let me ask you a question. Uh, let me ask you a question. Did she know, this is an interesting point about building your confidence through a support system, the right support system. Did she know of your experience in real estate?

Yes.

Or did she just ask you as a neighbor?

No, she knew it. She, she knew it. And that's why she was like, I really wanna bring this to you.

I love that because you can, you can go to a support system and ask them if it's a good time to invest in real estate or how's it smart.

Well, here's the funny thing that you're saying out. So she went to the other neighbor, right? She works in a university. And all of a sudden, both of them were knocking at my door because they didn't know what to do, right?

I love that. I love that.

That's actually what, what, what happened.

See?

But the, the funny thing is that she now feels not just confident, but in peace that she made the right decision. Because I'm like, I want you to think years down the road, what can and cannot happen. And I, I, you, you wanna make it right. So either you kind of like deal with it now or later or never.

Yeah.

I love that. Right. But, uh, I love that. It's funny that you're breaking that down. Yeah. They both came.

Okay. They both came. And then you have all these people out and you're like, listen, listen, come to InvestorCon and we'll, we'll cover all these things.

Exactly.

No, for me, For me, it's about— there's different layers of support system. And Andresa, you've really— you've said this before, is just because someone has experience in something, they may not have done it right.

That's right. Exactly.

So I could be a quote unquote real estate investor, but am I actually an active investor growing my portfolio right now in this particular market? Very different question than I had buy and hold 20 years ago. All right. Well, that— yeah, so did most people in the early 2000s. So for me, in, you know, doing— working on this luxury build, new build in my community. I've done a lot of things in real estate. I never have done this high of a priced luxury build, but my confidence in my ability to build a team and to manage the project kind of globally, not the day-to-day, 'cause I, that's not necessarily my expertise, but my confidence was, was, okay, I can do this. I know I can pull a team together. For me, I needed to know I had a support system. Behind me for questions and things that might come up that I haven't experienced, right? Because multifamily has been more, more of my experience. That didn't stop me from doing, doing the deal and, and making it happen, if that makes sense, Andresa, because I feel like I have, I do have a support system, you know, even within our community of, of, of mentors and mentees, my relationship with you, other women that I know. And having an A+ team. I think there is a layer of support system that is your team and then a support system that's not getting paid, right? They're not on the payroll, if you will, of the project. And those are the people you need desperately because you can't figure it all out with your own kind of core team. You're like, is this what the, you know, appliances should be? And I'm learning a lot about luxury appliances, Andresa. I'm like, ooh, I need to do so much to my house right now. But the world has been open. I'm like, okay, I don't need to do that right now. But the point being is a support system. Of women doing the work, actively investing and passively investing in today's market. I think that really matters, right? Andresa versus someone that's done it 20 years ago.

You said something like, you can, if you don't have the confidence into something, you can borrow it. And I'm like, what the hell you're talking about? How can you borrow the confidence from others? And what you were saying is exactly that. If you put yourself in a place where people have done what you're looking to do, their confidence, it, it's gonna be yours. They will calm down your nervous system per se. 'Cause how many women we have, we had conversations with, they were like freaking out with whatever was happening, right? Lawsuit or something that flood that happened in their brand new—

The deal's about to get, you're supposed to lose the deal at the end, 11th hour, right?

11th hour. Literally 11th hour. Oh, we're about to lose the deal. A couple of hours, right? And they're freaking out. So when, when you are able to say, hey, take a breath. Let me connect with somebody. Wait a minute. Did you try this? Hey, did you just shut off the water valve? Or, you know, anything that will kind of like, oh, I didn't think of that because you are just relying on, on yourself. So, Having a community is like having a support net. Think about this. You will make many more decisions confidently if you know that if you fall, you have somebody that will support you or figure things out and you're not alone. It's not about just like, okay, how can I avoid it? You might avoid it a lot if you. Rely on the community and share with them, hey, I'm about to do this partnership. I'm about to lend $500,000 into this deal. This is the structure. Those are the terms. Is it green light, yellow, or red flag? Right straight up. You will reduce your risk and make much more confident decisions. It's called a, let me read here. It's called a social buffering list in psychology. When you really have people around you that you can leverage their resources, their intelligence, their personality traits, their skills, then you are really powerful. One thing that I said to my neighbor, she laughed. We were talking and she's like, I'm gonna go back to him and say exactly what you said. To me here. I'm gonna go there and have this conversation. Literally, like, I was coaching her and she was going there to talk to the guy. Hopefully he's not listening right now. So then I said to her, he doesn't know he's not dealing with only you. He's dealing with you, me, my resources, everybody that I am reaching out to double-check the information. So he doesn't know that. He's like, yes, he doesn't know that. He's thinking that I'm just a regular neighbor, and I have all of you behind me instructing me and guiding me through. So I feel the same way with the women at InvestHer. You're not alone. You have a community of over 50,000 women behind you, honey. So you bet we're not gonna let you fall. So if you're listening to it and you really feel like the need, like the call to say, I'm done actually doing this on my own. And I really want powerful group of women that I can trust, that I can rely on when shit hits the fan, they will jump in. Please, you found us. The point is put yourself in a room where other women like you are. That is the key. If you're listening to this episode until the end, it's because you resonate with everything that we are saying to you here. So make a decision. You know what to do. It's on your court. The ball's in your court right now. Uh, June, 14th and 16th, Scottsdale, Arizona. We'll leave the link below. Join InvestorCon. It's an interactive event. You are going to be doing the work there. You are going to leave not with new strategies, but with a support system. And that's a commitment that Liz and I will guarantee. And you bet you can come and say, hey, you said that on the podcast. That's why I'm here.

Come say hi.

All right. I will leave you the link below. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for listening. I hope you found today's conversation valuable. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes. And share this with the women in your life that needs to hear it. I'll see you next week.