Do you should all over yourself?

Do you ever catch yourself shooting all over yourself? Many people do. In fact, I've been known to shoot all over myself, that's for sure. I want you to think about what that means. Do you often catch yourself saying, I should lift the phone and call the old friend. I should get to the gym. I should write that book I've been talking about for a while. I should start that business. I should have that difficult conversation with, with the loved one. I should change careers. You know what, I should get fit. I should probably start drinking a little less alcohol. Most of us have many shoulds in our life. Now, if you continue to say I should, simply you're saying I set a ceiling for myself. You know, I think that's something I should do, but it's not something I must do. There's such a difference at a psychological level when you say I should do something versus I must do something. So how do you go from shoulds to musts? Well, let's take a look at some of the most common shoulds. Okay, I should drink a little less alcohol, right? I've been guilty of that. I'm Irish, right? I've had a few days where I've enjoyed a few too many Guinness. But, but let's look at that. So if you're saying I should, the chances are you won't, right? You might do a dry July and stop drinking for a month. But it's probably more about changing the relationship with alcohol rather than saying I just shouldn't do it at all. So what is the consequence of not actually taking action on the should in this case? Well, if you think about it, if you continue to go down the path of, you know what, it's just a couple of beers a day, it's only a glass of wine each night, or sometimes just a large glass, two glasses, you start to self justify, oh, it's the weekend, I need a drink, or hey, it's a celebration, let's drink. So you start to normalize it and you start to socialize it. Now that's okay. You may not see a lot of short term consequences, but the most powerful thing that high performers do and leaders do is think, okay, the action that I'm taking, whether it's in my life or in my business, in the short term, what is the consequence of that long term, what's the strategic outcome? Well, think of alcohol. We know we are smart, that it has detrimental effects on our brain, on our organs, on our skin, on our ability to think, on our relationships, on our finances. But in the Short term, it's kind of hard to see that unless you've got a major hangover, and you'll see it pretty quick. But often it's just those compounding impacts that over 10, 20, 30, 40 years, you know, that starts to really make an impact on your life. So the consequence could be major ill health, earlier death. Right? It's a major consequence. So when you say, I should drink less, maybe think, okay, if I don't change it to, I must change my relationship with alcohol. If I don't do that, then things are never going to change. So you need to think about the wording, that self talk that you use, and how important it is for you to actually shift it. Another should that a lot of people talk about is, you know what? I should have that really difficult conversation with the person I love. And that could be a relationship ending conversation, something you've been putting aside. You know, I should have that this week. Oh, no, no. Birthday's coming up. I'll wait. You know, I should have it next week. Oh, it's Christmas. I better not do that. You know what? I should really do it then. Oh, they've had a tough day at work. I better not talk to them about it. What's the consequence of shooting all over yourself in this instance? Well, it's going to be more pain for you and for the other individual. It's going to be you making up excuses as to why you shouldn't have that conversation. And with these difficult conversations, they're usually the ones we procrastinate on, we delay on, we brush aside. But if you think of an intimate relationship, if you're in an intimate relationship and you need to have that difficult conversation about the direction that you're headed in that relationship, if you put it aside, well, it's going to lead to so many more negative consequences over the years. Not just for you, not just for the other person, but everybody in the vicinity. There's going to be a lot more collateral. Now, if you haven't read this book, I definitely suggest you go pick it up. It's called the Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Okay, now, I know we want to avoid death, we want to avoid talking about it, but let's face it, we're all going to face it at some point. So it's better to think about, okay, how do I want to live my life with a mortality mindset so when I get to the end, I can look back and have fewer regrets? Now, Bronnie Ware, she's an amazing author. She was a Nurse and spent a lot of time with people who were on their last legs, so to speak. And she asked them lots of questions. And she got to understand what the most common regrets were. The number one regret was, I wish I'd led a life true to myself and had the courage to lead that life that was true to myself and not to impress others. How many of us are guilty of that? How many of us often do things in life because we think that's what's expected of us? We think that our moms and dads want us to get grades. They want us to become doctors, lawyers. We have expectations, or we think there's expectations on us from our loved ones. They think that we must provide for the family, that we must stay in this career, so there's certainty that we must come up with all these new ideas. You know what that can lead us to living a life that's not congruent with who we are. And so many of us are guilty of saying, hey, I'm doing this because I think that's what I'm supposed to do. I came here because I think that's what I'm supposed to do. Now there's this beautiful old man. He's about 86, 87. And we got chatting just about his life, and I love nothing better than a great chat and chatting away about what he'd done in his life. And, you know, quite a remarkable life and very, very committed to his family. And in his younger years, he's a very smart man. He studied economics and accounting and became a very, very successful professional career man in the financial industry. And he became very well known. By his mid-30s, he was financially retired, still working hard, but he knew that that was a pathway he'd chosen early. He was very good at it, and he kept providing for his family. And he felt like it was important to have the nice house. It was important that the kids went to a great private school. He felt that it was important to drive a certain car, to have the certain holiday, all of these things. And we talked about why were they important. And he said, look, well, I just felt like that's what everybody else that was in my position should be doing. That's what my friends were doing. So I should probably be doing the same things. And so I worked really hard to make sure I could provide those things through my 20s and 30s. And he said, during that time, you know, the relationship that I was in with my partner, my wife, it was an unhappy relationship. There was no harmony. We were in different paths. But we decided to stick together for the kids, and so many people do. And I said, and how do you feel about that now, looking back? What would you have done differently? And he said, look, we went through 20 years of sticking together for the kids and it all ended miserably. And the pain was greater, the suffering was greater. We ended up parting ways in a very horrible way. He said, there's no connection between us. And this is a man sitting in his late 80s talking to me about this with regret. He regrets that he didn't have those conversations with his wife sooner. And he regrets that he didn't make different decisions around his career so that he could be more present with his family, with his kids in particular. And he feels like often we look at society and society tells us what to do through media, through social media now, through newspapers, through what our friends are doing, what our family expect of us. And he said if he could go back and do it all again, he would open up a little cafe on the waterfront, spend his time around great people. He would be very careful about the conversations he had with his loved ones, but be very honest and be very forthright and talk about things and not let them fester and not be in a relationship for someone else's betterment. And often parents will do that for their kids, will stick together for the kids, because it's better for the kids, when in actual fact it's not. You know, kids want to see harmony, they want to see you leading by example. And sometimes walking away from a relationship is one of the greatest lessons you can teach them because they need to know that sometimes days are good, sometimes days are bad, sometimes relationships last forever, sometimes they don't. But they need to know that you're congruent with the life that you live. I'm talking to this old man, just a beautiful soul. That's the one thing he wished he was able to do from an earlier age, was being more congruent to who he truly was. So my question is, will you live a life and get to the end of that life and regret the way you've lived it? Regret the decisions you've made, Regret that you spent four years at university studying something that mum and dad wanted you to do? Regret a 25 year relationship, regret your decisions around health and regret your decisions around alcohol. How are you going to live your life? Look, I want to give you two tips that will be life changing, very simple, but these will absolutely transform your approach to life. And hopefully when you look back on your life in years to come, These two questions will be instrumental, but before I do that, please smash the subscribe button below. And also you'll notice in there I've given you a free gift. It's a free book called the Life of Framework and it's about setting up a beautiful life around legacy, impact, fulfillment and energy. So please go and help yourself. It's in the description below. Hit subscribe while you're at it. Now, the two things that I want to share with you are Am I living a life of my choosing? Am I living a life of my choosing? Ask yourself that question once a month. Put put it on your iPhone as a reminder once a month on the first of the month. That's the question. Am I living a life of my choosing? That's an amazing question. If you answer no to that, then you've got some work to do. If you answer yes to that, then you're on the right path, a path not littered with major regrets. So when you think about that question, you think about, am I living a life of my choosing? The relationship realm? Am I living a life of my choosing in the professional realm, in my health realm? Think of the key pillars that matter to you and ask, is this a life of my choosing? And secondly, if you answer no in any of those areas that you're not living your life as a choosing of your own, then ask yourself another question. What can I do to live more congruently to the life I want to live? What can I do to live life more congruently to the life I choose? That's an amazing question to ask. That will lead you down a path of enlightenment. It will open up doors, it will open up ideas, it will connect you with different levels of experiences. And please do take the time to do that. That is a life changing opportunity, asking those two questions once a month. And hey, if you answer yes to the first one, you don't even need to ask yourself the second question. For the last year, I've been studying the late, great Nelson Mandela. He spent 27 years of his life in prison and then came out and became the president of South Africa. I would say he's the father of forgiveness. And there's one quote I just want to leave you with that pertains to your life. I'm making sure that you don't live a life of shoulds, but you live a life that's congruent to you and you don't die with that regret. That quote is, live life as though nobody is watching and express yourself as though everyone is listening. Hey guys, if you enjoyed the content today, please smash that subscribe button below. And if you want to become part of my community, I've got an amazing free Facebook group. Please come and join us. The link is in the description below. And also, if you've got any questions about today's session, I'd love to know. Just comment below and I'll be sure to get back to you guys. Have the most amazing day.