Don’t Ignore These 5 Signs… When To LEAVE a Relationship Behind

The Lead On Purpose podcast is sponsored by NZ Mortgages. Learn more at nzmortgages.co nz staying too long in the wrong relationship, be it with a person, a habit or a job, can cost you your happiness. Let's talk about the five signs that it's time to leave. I'm James Laughlin, and on this channel we unlock your full potential through habits and strategies for personal mastery. We're told that winners never quit. Quitting is for losers. Well, I disagree. It's important that you know when it's time to change direction, it's time to move away, it's time to do something different. And these signs are critical. And if you can see them, acknowledge them and take action, I think you'll be better off. Certainly in my life, I've stuck around for friendships, habits, relationships, jobs, even for too long, not seeing the signs or justifying those signs. So I wanted to share some of those with you. And, you know, I see this with the people that I work with, the people that I coach, you know, some of the people I have on as guests. We talk about, you know, when is the right time to leave something or stop doing something. So please leave in the comments below what's the one thing, you know, one relationship or one experience that you need to walk away from or you're thinking about it, or what's something you have actually walked away from? We're going to look at these signs and I want you just to look at them from your own point of view and your own experience. I'll share some of my experiences, but first, the first one I think that's important is that you feel drained, not energized. So whether it's a habit, you know, whether it's too many coffees, whether it's too many alcoholic drinks, whether it's smoking, maybe it's not making you feel better and elevated, it's draining you. The same could apply in a relationship setting a friendship, family member, intimate partner. If you're constantly feeling drained, maybe it's time to reassess the direction that the relationship is taking. And that's not always easy. You know, I've certainly found that hard. You know, I've. For those that know me well will know that I've been divorced. And that's not something that I look back on and go, hey, I'd love to do that again. Like, no way. There are great lessons learned there. Thankfully, I've still got a very positive, healthy, connected relationship with my former wife, as does my current partner. She's very well Connected with my former wife. And I love that. And I think that's going to help us all have much longer, sustainable, thriving relationships. Is it easy? No. Is it fulfilling? Yeah, absolutely. So, number one is just, you know, if you're feeling drained or not energized, it's time to reassess. And that could be even your job if you're starting to feel bored. Like, I was in what I would have described as my dream job. I was teaching drums. I was getting paid pretty well. I had 16 weeks a year of holidays as my own boss, essentially. But I started to get bored. I started to see a different vision of what I wanted for my life. I no longer really believed in the leader that was leading me in terms of their vision. Like, I just didn't think it was very exciting or very innovative, and I just wanted to look elsewhere in terms of what can get me fired up again. Walking away from certainty, security, or what we know is often difficult. When you walk away from the known, you're walking into the unknown and that, you know, evolutionary basis. The brain wants to and the mind wants to stay in the known, the safety, the security. Certainly stepping into the unknown is very uncomfortable. And that's why often we'll put up with jobs that drain us, that take away from us, because it's safer than going into the unknown. The second sign that it's time to consider walking away or quitting is that when the bad outweighs the good. You know, often when we start things, there's a lot more good, there's a lot more joy, there's a lot more connection, reward, fulfillment. But sometimes, over time, little negative things can creep in. Surprises come up. Oh, that person changed. I didn't know that about them. Now we're three years in. I can see that thing. But when the bad outweighs the good, it's truly time to take stock and go, huh? If there's no change in behavior or the change in the relationship that I have with this person or habit or job, then maybe it's time to change course, you know? And I can remember times when there were habits. A great example is alcohol. In the beginning, it was good. I felt great, you know, as a teenager and having a few drinks and felt silly and free and, you know, it gave me confidence. So in the short term, there was a lot of good. Then there was the odd hangover that was not so good. But then over time, I started to drink more often. So my productivity dropped, my reliability dropped. I made poor decisions. I spent way too much money on alcohol and didn't have any to invest. So the bad started outweighing the good. You know, I remember in my teenage years blacking out, being found, you know, like it wasn't good, I wasn't pride, I was ashamed. So certainly it took me a while to actually readdress that relationship. But take a little look at the good and the bad and see which way, you know, it looks for you. The third sign I want you to consider when deciding should I quit on this thing, this relationship or this job or habit, is the values. Are the values no longer aligning? When your values no longer align, it's time to really reassess. You know, if somebody wants to go right and you need to go left, you know, they value quick money, you value long term relationship building, they value, you know, winning at all costs. You value inclusivity and collaboration. It's not going to work. It's time to face the music, have a difficult conversation and move in a different direction. But it's important to always know what your values are. And if you haven't done that before, that's something I've talked about on previous episodes, is how do you uncover your values? Please go to that episode and work on discovering and uncovering what your values are. It's something I often do one to one with clients and sometimes in small groups is uncovering what do I value? What are the things in life that make decision making possible for me? We've all got key values, core values. You must know them in terms of leading yourself on purpose, getting clear on your values is so important. I've had opportunities in recent years, very good opportunities in terms of financial reward that I've said no to. Hell no, in fact, because the values were misaligned. So I want you to think about that. Where in your life are their values misaligned? That's an area you need to address. That's an area you need to spend time on. And possibly it's an area where you need to walk away or quit on that thing because your values are everything. Number four, you've stopped growing, you've gone stagnant. You know, you're rotting instead of ripening, you're decaying instead of growing. So this has happened for me for sure. You know, in a previous career, I was absolutely stagnant. I was essentially at the top of my game. And successful breeds complacency unless we're committed to growth. And so I was just going around in circles, ticking the box. I didn't feel good. I was certainly wasn't my healthiest physically or mentally. And so getting on the focus of how do I grow, how do I develop? To me, that's so important. So if you are in a relationship that's absolutely stagnant, that has been for a long time, it's time to ignite some excitement and it's impassion in it. If that's not possible, maybe it's time to move on. You know, I'm not saying run away from relationships, but what I am saying is be conscious of what's happening in those relationships. You know, often when a relationship breaks down, it's not a 32nd thing. It's over days, weeks, months, or sometimes even years. But the longer we leave things to fester, often the more pain and damage comes with that. So I want you to be conscious of, you know, are you growing? Is the habit that you're engaged in helping you grow? Is the books that you're reading, are they helping you grow? The job that you're in, the career, is it helping you grow? Because if you're not growing, you're decaying. And every, you know, I don't care whether it's the start of the year, middle or the end, you need to have a personal development plan. Some people might call it a personal growth plan. If you don't have a personal growth plan, by default you have a personal decay plan. Right? We need to be intentional with where we spend our time, our focus, our memory, our connections, our energy. It's so important that we take the time to get clear on what growth looks like for us. Please, in the comments, Pop, what are you doing right now to grow? What are you, Are you reading a book? What is that book? Comment below. Is there something that you're learning or moving towards? What is it right now that you're committed to? Share it. Because there'll be someone else that will read that comment that it will help them so much. Comment below. I'll be sure to reply. And last but not least, you're staying in this relationship, this job, or committed to this habit of out of fear. When you're committed to things and staying around with people or jobs because you're afraid and maybe afraid of societal expectations, of pressure, of guilt, of the unknown. To me, it's not a good reason to stay around. It's a really good reason to reassess what's most important. I always say to my clients, WMI today, wmi, what's most important? If you want fulfillment and importantly if you want success, I would say that getting really clear on WMI is important, certainly for me, when I've been spread thin and lots of priorities, you know, dilute my focus. I've always diluted my results when I've done that. But staying around because you're afraid of the unknown, afraid of failure, afraid of people expecting different things or assumptions of you, it's not a great reason to stick around. So I hope that this short session has inspired you just to consider A, your relationships, both, you know, familial friendship and intimate. B, I hope it's really made you consider your work. You spend a lot of time in your career, you spend a lot of time at work. It should help you grow, it should elevate you and excite you. Maybe not all the time, but the majority of the time. And I hope it makes you just consider your habits. What are you doing day to day? Are they serving you? Are they, are they helpful? Because at the end of the day, success is a habit. The most successful people that I sit with, whether they're billionaires, they're top athletes, they're running incredible companies, small, medium or large. They're very committed to curating the relationships they have with people, with their network, with their habits, with their nutrition. They're very, very thoughtful and intentional and those are the ones that I consider true high performers. That is consistently exceeding norms whilst maintaining healthy relationships and well being. I hope you've enjoyed the show. If this has been helpful for you, please consider one other person that you could send this to. Copy the link, send it to them. I would deeply appreciate it. But for now, please get out there and lead your life on purpose. The Lead on Purpose podcast is sponsored by NZ Mortgages. Learn more at nzmortgages.co nz.