How to Lead a High Performance Team with Scott O'Neil

Scott, a very happy new Year.

Happy New year to you. Life is good. I'm happy, I'm healthy, family's good and smiling. And I wish I were in New Zealand, but unfortunately, I'm tucked nice neatly into my Philadelphia suburb. I love it.

So great to connect with you. It was our friend Chester Elton that had suggested we need to connect. So I'm really glad we got a chance to actually to do that.

Chester, hopefully he was wearing orange when he was on your show.

Wonderful, wonderful soul, dear friend, confidant, a mentor, teacher, somebody I listen to, learn from and love every minute I get to spend with him. And he can't say any good. Any more good things about you than possible. So he loved his experience. And I love the episode. I listened to it. It's fantastic.

Thanks so much, Scott. Well, we're here to start the conversation around be where your feet are. So I'd love to chat just initially about what that means to you. Yeah, you bring the book up. Let everyone see that book. Everyone grab a copy of this book.

Right? Right. Shameless promotion. Be where your feet are. It is about being present. It is about creating memorable moments. So much when I speak in front of audiences, I've had a career in sports, and so when you speak in front of audiences, surprisingly, the first question I get almost every time is, how do you find work, life, balance? And I was like, you don't. I never looked for balance, ever. It's like when you're on a seesaw. It's like the last thing you want to be is balance. I want to spend the time I have in the most valuable way. I oftentimes think about my daughters in the morning. I've got three daughters, 22, 18, and 15 now. And so they're a little older, but when they were in their teens, all together, it was pure chaos in our house. In the mornings, my wife and I would call it, it's like a sporting tournament. It's like a single elimination. Sporting, Just survive, advance. Like, all we want to do is get them out of the house without a nuclear meltdown. Someone spilled milk. Someone knocked over the cereal, emptied the cereal box, took a shirt, borrowed a sweatshirt, didn't have their phone charts, all this nonsense. There'd be chaos. And, like, I'm not trying to find any meaningful moments there because they don't exist. And so that is time. It's just transactional time I have to get through. And then I'm at work, they're at school. They've got cheerleading and basketball and boyfriends. Which I never want to talk about homework and all this friends and, you know, and then, and I come home and it's like, how much time do I actually have? Like, to create meaningful moments with the three ladies that matter most to me in the world. My daughters.

45 minutes, an hour. What if we start thinking about time like that, the experiences we can have, the memories we can create. Then you say, okay, if I have an hour, how do I want to spend it? Do I want to spend it with my phone in my hand, just looking, checking my email? Do I want to like aimlessly flip on ESPN and just be sorting through my laptop, you know, sorting through social media? Or I want to engage them and say, let's talk about school. What issues are you talking about at school? Let's talk about your friends. Hey, what are your dreams? What do you want to accomplish? And there's so many issues in the world right now, from, you know, global warming to social justice to being a global citizen. There are all these incredible topics that you can talk about. Let's talk about them, or let's create an experience. Let's play a game together. Let's talk about competing, winning and losing with grace. Let's go on a walk.

Let's do something where we can create moments and memories and, and so I kind of dispel the notion of let's, let's search for this, you know, work life balance, if you will. And I encourage you to be where your feet are. So if I'm with you, I am with you 100%. I'm not worried about what I have to do three hours earlier or three hours later. I'm not thinking about my wife who's at the dentist right now. That sounds like a lot of fun. I'm thinking about you and I'm fully focused. I'm wearing my feet are.

I love that. And for people who've struggled to be present so when they get home, they've still got the phone going, their maybe 5 year old is wanting to chat to them. They're like, hey, hey, just, I've got to deal with this work thing. I know I'm home, but I'm not really. How do they change that? What's the pattern interrupt that can help them change that behavior?

Yeah, guilty as charged. By the way, I'm a work in progress. I think we all are.

Totally. Me too.

And so, yeah, so our, our, you know, our life mission is just to, you know, aspirationally, we're, we're wholly present wherever we are. But I can Tell you, when I was working for the Philadelphia 76ers, we were in this historic. We were kind of turning the team around. It's kind of a historic turnaround, but we went through a three year period where we had lost more games over a three year period than any team over a three year period in the history of the league. Okay, so it was bad. And I remember coming. I'm a very competitive. I have a competitive gene that won't quit. Losing hurts. It stings. Losing stings. Like I'm the kid, kid. I said, I did this last night. We're playing cards. I was the flipping over the Monopoly table. Okay, that was me. And I still have that. I hate to lose. I hate to lose a lot more than I love to win. So, anyway, so we had particularly gotten pounded one night and I came home and my wife heard me stomping around the kitchen. She came down, she's like, what's going on? I got home 11:30 or so at night after game. She's like, what are you doing? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, you're stomping around here like a child. Like, what's happening? And I was like, did you see our game? She's like, yeah, yeah, I saw your game. She's like, well.

Anything you want to tell me? I go, anything I want to tell. Did you hear the booze? She's like, I didn't even need the TV on to hear the booze. That's how loud they were. And I said, well, I don't understand why you're so. Why you're questioning why my mood. She's like, but this doesn't work. And I said, what doesn't work? Say this. I'm like, what's this? Said you and your attitude when you come home here, I need a husband, I need a father. I don't need this. So you got to find a way. And oftentimes, like I do when I'm challenged, I get right into protection mode. And I don't. Everybody deals with conflict differently, but I like to debate. So I get my neck up. And I was just like, I can't believe I need you to be more sensitive. I did that, you know that lovely, lovely, wonderful, wonderful defensive tool. And so then nicely so I went to bed, woke up in the morning after a nice night's sleep and went to her and I said, I get it. She said, thank goodness. I was like, I'm going to work on it. And so. And for me, working on it meant, how do you compartmentalize the stress at work or something gone wrong and getting home, how does that actually. How could you separate those two? And I was talking to a dear friend of mine, and he said, oh, it's the easiest thing in the world. I said, easiest? I said, for me, it's the hardest. He said, no, I have this tree out back in my house, and I pull up my driveway, I get out of my car, I put my hand on the tree. It's a worry tree. And all my worries go up in the tree, and I walk in the house, I'm good to go. And I was like, hey, I've searched my property. There is no worry tree on my property. He's like, no, it's not an actual tree. And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And so for me, I use my commute time home. Like, that's my howl at the moon time. And I know, like, my trigger is when I turn into that driveway, that's my trigger where it's over. And then I walk in as a dad. And I know it's hard, but I will say that there are some little tricks of the trade you can do. One is to keep your phone in the car for the first couple hours at home, because that's oftentimes our connective tissue to the stress of work. And another thing is to keep the TV off. You can set up rules for yourself. Like, we have little archaic phone rules. Like we have no phones in the bedroom and we have no phones in the kitchen. That's just our just family rules. My kids hate it, by the way. I bet. But it breaks off. It forces you to reconnect and be a human being. And so for me, I think you need some period of time to decompress, some decompression time. And then when you walk through that threshold of the door, you've got to decide consciously every single day who you want to be and how you want to show up. And if you're like me and you need actual rules to put in place to make sure that you can abide by them, you do it. That's what we do.

That's powerful. It's interesting when you talk about the time that you've got, the valuable, intentional present time with your family. So I read a study about four years ago, and it was with North American CEOs, there's about 500 of them. And the study was around time spent and their values and what their priorities were in life. And the vast majority, let's say, 95% said family was their number one priority and their values were driven around family. So then had to do like a two week time audit. And the time audit came back and over 90% of them spent less than 3% of their time with their family. So each day it was about 43 minutes a day or less of quality time with their family. But during that time, they were still tending to want to go to their phones, still thinking or being mentally present in their workplace. So I love that you're flipping that, going like you can operate as a high performer, as a leader, as a CEO. Plus you can be where your feet are when you show up as a dad.

But you have to give something up, right? Like life is about trade offs. And anybody who wants to accomplish anything great in life knows there's a fixed amount of time. Like, we can't stretch time, but we have to prioritize differently. It's really interesting that when you mentioned that study, it's something.

I've done for several years. A coach of mine in the us, Spencer Holt, kind of pushed me onto this, where it's about this concept in the book is wmi, what's most important. Okay. And figuring out what's most important is pretty simple. For CEOs at work. It's pretty simple. There are three things that matter most. And if you spend 65% or more of your time on those three things, you're more likely to be successful than otherwise. Okay. I kind of expand that. So I have those three things. And then you have relationships like.

They'Re usually three or four relationships that you need to tend to. Mine, my wife. My wife Lisa of 26 years. If that relationship is solid, I am solid. If that relationship is shaky, I am shaky. So I know I need that. That's one that never moves. That's always on my list. And then there are two others. And it could be my daughter, it could be my mom, it could be a brother, it could be a friend, it could be somebody at work, it could be somebody in the community, it could be somebody from my church, but somebody in there. And then there's a personal side, three things that matter most on the personal side. So the audit is the key. Like that's the thing we're missing. Because when you write what's most important down in terms of your relationships personally to you and at work, you just audit your calendar. And I'm neurotic. So I do it once a week. But you could do it once a month or once a quarter, hopefully more than once. A year. And then you actually find out where can you just. A rubber. Meet the road is what you're saying is most important, actually how you're acting. When I first did it and did an audit now, remember I said 65% for high performers, I was at 23%. Can you imagine? And so here I am, like Mr. Big CEO. I've got everything covered. I know it all. I got my organization's cooking, I got this thing set. I was like, oh, man, I need to make some changes. And my changes had to be one of two things. I either had to change what I was saying was most important or change my process and my behavior. And what was most important to me is really clear. It's always been clear in my life. And I had to change my process. And the one thing I had to learn was the magic word of no. And I know that's hard for people because I'm a people pleaser. I want you to be happy. When I meet somebody, I want them to like me. And that's just my. In my. That's in my DNA. I don't have control over that. And so what can you say no to? Because you're going to have to clear time. And so personally, for me, I know I have to take care, do something for my mind, something for my body, something for my soul every day. I know that. I know I need sleep. I know I have to practice gratitude. I know I have to be where my feet are and put my phone down and keep my head up. That's my formula. That me personally, I need time carved out in my calendar. Like I need meditation or prayer time. I need workout time. I need learn time for me to operate well. And so I have to look. Okay, that's on my personal side. My relationships. How many times have we been at dinner with somebody who we don't want to be at dinner with because they call? Yeah, okay, I'll have lunch with you. Sure. It's usually my wife's friends, but I hope that doesn't. You can edit that out later. But. But I will tell you, like, we have to be more disciplined and prudent and shrewd in terms of how we spend our time. Because time is. Time is our most precious resource beyond anything else.

And when you look at time, this stuff fascinates me. I'll spend the first five days of the year just reflecting on last year deeply and then deeply planning what this year is going to be about my priority. So I really value time a lot. Possibly it's my Greatest strength and my greatest weakness. So when you look at time and you look at it on a weekly or a daily basis, how do you approach it? How do you structure it? How do you segment your time?

You know, it's a wonderful question. And you know, I spent the last, I guess, 15 years knee deep, working ungodly amount of hours, 80 to 100 hours a week. I've been working six, seven days a week. And when I was at Madison Square Garden, president, Madison Square Garden, I got to tell you, there was an event every night and so I had to drag and I can't help myself like that. It, like I love it, you know, so it's not that it's not a chore for me. It's for me, I have to pull myself away and say, do I need to go to that game against the Timberwolves tonight or not? You know, because there's 50 college basketball games. Boxing, tennis, UFC, Knicks, Rangers, Liberty. I mean, you could go, you could go to something every night. Your body can't handle that. Your, your brain can handle, your relationships can handle, your family can't handle that. So for me, I will say that those 15 years and Sixers, Devils and concerts, same thing over the last eight years since I've been at hbsc. And so for now, it's very different. I have time for the first time in a really long time. And so my struggle has been in this pause I'm in right now is to make sure that.

I'm prioritizing effectively, like you said, that I understand where I'm heading and why. And once I understand where I'm heading and why, and I understand my purpose, like what I do, what's meaningful to me, and then I understand what's most important, that should direct most of my decisions. I can tell you though, like, I don't. I'm not interested in aimlessly playing Pokemon on a computer, you know, or on a little switch, or I'm not interested in PlayStation. And I don't get a lot of thrill out of binging for television. Like, I love people and connection. I love deals and business. I love growing companies. I like helping people. So for me, like, my purpose is pretty clear. My WMI is pretty clear. And that helps me prioritize and take best advantage of my time. Up until the last six months though, I've had, you know, my time's been scheduled down to the 15 minute increment. So it's been quite an adjustment and a wonderful one and a unique one, but one I'm really enjoying. Good.

Now I'm glad to hear it. And it's interesting, a few of the CEOs that I work with, one of the biggest time sucks for them is email. So how does email sit on your radar? Does it suck a lot of your time or have you got a system in place where you don't spend a lot of time on at all?

Great question. You know, Brendan Burchard, who's this wonderful, wonderful soul and a good friend told me, gave me a great trick about 18 months ago, which I've been implementing and that is to not be a slave to your text or emails. And his instruction, which I've been following is please, please, please do not pick up your phone first thing in the morning and check your emails and texts because when you do, and if you do now, you're on somebody else's schedule and somebody else's agenda. So as counsel, which I take very seriously, is to, to have an intention for the day, have three things or four things I want to accomplish in the day and make sure I do those before I lose myself in my hundredth email of the day. But it's a great distraction technique. It's. No, it's not too dissimilar from rolling through TikTok or rolling through Instagram or checking Facebook or rolling, strolling through LinkedIn. You know, emails become that for a lot of us. And so I think the discipline of making sure you have, you're intentional about what you want to accomplish first, then the email becomes your dessert. It's the fun stuff that's so good.

I love it and I love that you brought Brandon up. So I've been studying Brandon stuff for a number of years and for the last year I've been in a mastermind, one of Brandon's masterminds and done by one. That's the thing that I remember. He says, look, all your major work, all your major tasks, have them done by 1:00pm.

Yep.

Yeah, yeah. No, I love that. I love that you've done the mastermind stuff. He is a different level thinker and a wonderful human being and a powerhouse, but more so, I mean, other than his incredible personality and presence and this crazy amazing business he's built is at his heart, you know, in his soul. He is driven to help people with higher performance and what a great mission, you know, not unlike yours, quite frankly. I mean, you two have seem to have the same kind of karma energy and vision and mission to help others through high performance. It's pretty cool. Cool way to go through life.

It's pretty special to watch. What he's done and how he's created it over the last 20 years. It's amazing. He's an inspiration to us all, like, for sure. I wanted to chat a little bit to Scott. Just you had these massive roles, right? Madison Square Garden, the 76, there's many others, like, huge roles. And it's, it's nice to talk about that retrospectively and it's, you know, you can reflect on it. But I want to go back to before you got your first major role as a CEO, as an executive. Did you ever have that self doubt, that imposter syndrome that like, oh, my God, I'm applying for this? Like, what if I get it? What will I do if I get it?

Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna answer your question in an interesting way. I think that we're all straddled with some imposter syndrome. Okay? So I, I am for sure. When I was younger though, I was this, I was ambitious, like, in the worst way. I was so ambitious that I didn't even know ambition. I didn't understand the negative connotation around the word. That's how ambitious I was. And like, how can this be bad?

And, you know, as I say to my daughters, you know, there's no Neil family trait. What we lack in talent, we make up for in confidence. So I definitely had a will to and a drive to be successful. Right. I put that in quotes, is because the definition of success moves over time. I'm 51 years old, I have adult children, got a successful and incredible, like, fulfilling and loving marriage. I, you know, I think those things matter more and more the older you get when you're young. You just like, as I tell the young people come away from me, like, work life. If any young girl's like, coming up, work life bounds like, like you're 25 years old, you'd be working 100 hours a week. What else are you doing?

But I, so I didn't, I didn't at that point, I, I'll tell you like a, a wonderful story. I have. My wife Lisa's a great counterbalance to me, and.

I just remember her, just.

I remember the day, like, we had to move up to the New York area, which is a lot more expensive than where we were living. And I remember we had to pay. There's almost a million bucks for a house. And like, we couldn't even conceive of it. Like, we, you know, I'm a kid, I grew up on, you know, government assistance. So Like, I didn't, you know, I couldn't. I couldn't really process it. It was. It was fine. It was. It wasn't a great house. It was just an expensive, you know, expensive area. And taxes were crazy. Like, the taxes we were paying for this house were more than our mortgage in our last house. Like, I almost couldn't believe. Like, we were not struggling, but, like, you know, we were fighting the fight. And, you know, my boss ended up. Bernie Mullen had this incredible boss and at the NBA league office, and he went on to go run the Atlanta Hawks. And so there was some question as to who would take his job, which was my first executive job. And. And I was the front runner internally. And I didn't know it, but I was. And. And so my boss, David Stern, the great former commissioner of the NBA, called and yelled. Yelled at me about something and said, and I can't believe you're the one that's going to get this job. And I was like, what job? He's like, you know, what job? And hung up the phone. I was like, oh, that's kind of cool. So a nice way to let somebody know, but nonetheless. So I went home and I told my wife. I was like, hey, you're not gonna believe this, but, like, I think I'm gonna get promoted. She's like, wow, that's awesome. You know, so sure enough, the next day, he calls me up and screams at me about something and offers me the job. And I was like, wow, it's fantastic. And I had a couple things that I asked for in terms of people and structure. And he's like, you don't even know what you're gonna be making. Do you have any questions? I was like, you know, whatever you think is fair would be awesome, you know, and then he's like, get out. You know, it's like one of those old school leaders, like, screaming, yelling. By the way, the most, you know, wonderful, like, good human being who would. Who would jump in front of a train for you. For me became a mentor until his final days. Passed away a couple years ago, sadly. But he was tough. Tough and nasty. And so I went home and I told my wife. I was like, hey, you're not going to believe this, but I think I'm going to get a. Get a nice raise, you know? She's like, oh, good, good, good for. That's awesome. Good for you. I was like, oh, thanks. So I go back in, next day, I'm dragging the story out too long, but effectively I get a raise almost Doubles. What I was making, I thought I was making before I, you know, was never, you know. So I came home and I was like, Lisa, you're not going to believe this. I'm making X. And she's like, she looks at me, she's like, think of all the people we can help.

It's amazing.

And I was like.

Yes, that and, and to me like, that is like the answer. I mean she, she is. Well, the story should speak on its own. I got the goosebumps.

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I got the goosebumps like she's a keeper. That's amazing.

Yeah, no, I mean that's the reflection on that moment. Because you know, in the beginning I'm like, yes, we can help a lot of people. But when you're around, when you surround yourself with people with extraordinary values that push you to be the best version of yourself all the time, good things happen. And you know, we got married very young. I was 24, 25. She was 24. And some people might call it lucky. Well, you just got lucky with the right person. I said, maybe. But we always had alignment and values, you know.

And she certainly didn't marry me for my money. I couldn't even. She out earned me until she stopped working. And I literally, my first, when we first started dating, I remember something's wrong with my trunk and it was $25 to fix. I couldn't fix it, so I just bungee corded it together. So we'd go for a date and my trunk would be banging upside down. Anyway. So you go from that like a woman who's just grounded and smart and talented and tough and full of love and grounded around the important things like family and faith. Everything that matters matters most to her all the time. You know, those are the moments in life we talk about creating moments and memories.

That is a moment in my life I'll never forget. And I'm always grateful for her incredible example. So I only tell you that.

Because it, it's, it's so counter to this notion of ambition or imposter syndrome. It's really like, can you take that stuff and just leave it on the side and show up as your authentic self and, and do something for humanity and other people? Can you help others? Can you? You know, we talked about purpose a little bit before on the our pre call and I just said like, I know what my purpose is. I know I'm here to help create the next generation of great leaders in this business. That's what my purpose is. That's what I want to spend time on. And by the way, I do that at home with my daughters. I do that at church. I work with these young men at my church. That's what I'm focusing on, developing them as leaders. I go to work, I'm focusing on developing young leaders. That's what I'm passionate about. That's what my purpose is. And it gives me direction, it gives me focus, it gives me some grounding. My days of, you know.

William Wallace the Warrior are gone. And it doesn't mean I don't work hard. It doesn't mean I don't have passion. It doesn't mean I don't have energy, doesn't mean I don't have angst, intensity and competitiveness. I have all that stuff. It's just the victories are different. My victories are about your victories, my victories about your successes. My victories are about, hey, when you accomplish something, not when I accomplish something. My. My joy comes through the success of others and that. So. So that's the counterbalance that gives me a grounding anchor that helps me avoid the pitfalls of this imposter syndrome or, you know, the ambition or, you know, searching for the wrong, you know, kind of reaching for the wrong brass circle. You know, it's like. It's like when you understand why you're put on this earth, I think that helps. And you surround yourself with people of goodness and grounding.

So true, true definition of leadership. You've just said it as the service to others and serving people wholeheartedly. To me, it's beautiful what you just said. And it's. When you think of human needs, psychology, we all need to meet these basic needs of certainty, variety, significance, and connection. And most of us, throughout our life try to do that.

Can you say those one more time?

You've got certain days, the first one that we try and meet. So that'll be like, I want to make sure I've got enough income. I've got a roof over my head. Of course, then you've got variety. If you've too much, certainty gets a little bit boring. So we search for variety. We want that holiday, we want that exotic food. Then we go down to love and connection. So we want to feel that we have a deep connection as a need. It's not a want. It's. We actually need to feel connected and loved and to love. Then it comes significance again. It's a need that we all have. We want to feel that we have some sense of significance. We. What we bring to the Table matters, that we matter, then if you can meet all those, those four, which is difficult, but we can do it, then you get into the spiritual needs and that's contribution and growth. And a lot of people who jump straight, I just want to grow, grow, grow without meeting these basic needs. They have this sense of like, I'm learning lots and I'm maybe earning lots, but something's missing. Like, I just, I feel empty. So when you meet those first four needs, then you can focus on what you're doing amazing at like contribution, giving back, growing leaders and growing yourself, growing your mind. You mentioned that earlier in the call. Like, I like to grow every day. I like to learn every day.

I love, I love that, that model. I think that's, that makes, that's very, it's, it's intuitive and smart and is a great guide. The question is though, for most of us, we have to walk through the fire, you know, and, and how wonderful would it be to wake up and just be someone who, who can get to that final stage. But I will tell you that, you know, I've stood on the mountain and it is freaking lonely. I will tell you that. Okay, and, and you look back down the mountain and what do you, what do you see? You see the human connection, the people you've, that have, who have helped you and people you've helped and the deal or the deal that's gone badly, or the trip and fall over the route or the walk into a tree or the rain and hail. That's the fun. The fun is that journey up. And when you get to the top of that mountain, if it's truly a mountain and you are truly alone and you are truly sitting up there by yourself, I got to tell you, the analogy is all wrong again. It's not what you want to be. It's not where you want to be and it's not with whom you want to be because you're standing up there solo. And once you have experienced that loneliness.

It certainly is an opportunity to grow and expand who you are and who you aspire to be and, and what contribution you want to make and who you can serve, quite frankly.

And when you think about that, because I actually had a client about two years ago who wasn't a client at the time, but we met for a drink and he said, james, it's really lonely at the top. I says, what do you mean by that? He says, well, I started this company by myself. I then got one staff member. Now I've got like 250. I don't know who to talk to. And I've got these things I'm dealing with and I can't talk to this person. I can't share this with this person. It's just really lonely at the top. And what I've heard you say is like, if it's lonely, then something's missing. You've missed out on something, you've done something wrong. Because you shouldn't be at the top and be lonely. It should be a partnership. You should be connected still to your people.

Yeah, and I think that's right.

I don't.

The analogy of a mountain is funky and it's one that some of us have climbed. I've climbed a mountain or two and it's been rough. But I think that analogy, I don't even like mountain range because it seems like we'd be separate. It's more like, it's that connection and community. It's like, how much stronger, how much more comfortable, how much more grounded, how much more intentional can we be if we're lifting others up in many ways ahead of ourselves? Right. That's the, that is the coup de grace or that's the massive victory when you, when you can be part of something special and not only be driving, but also be learning and growing. It's really, it's functional. It's kind of four dimensional in a way. And so different from that mountain that those of us have climbed know how it feels.

That's a beautiful analogy. I really like that. And I'm thinking about your book. So for those who haven't read it yet, and for everyone that hasn't read it, please go and order. I'm going to put the link in all the show notes so people can go and order it. But what was the inspiration or the point at which you were like, I need to write this book and this is why I need to write it?

You know, I suppose people write books for different reasons. You know, my lovely wife, the one who occasionally keeps me grounded, you know, she said that writing a book is the ultimate expression of ego, which I thought is really. It's really insightful if you think about it. Don't think of ego in the most negative connotation, but don't think of it otherwise either. So when you think about that, what you're saying is like, look, I have something to say that other people should read. Okay, so.

Yeah, no, it didn't feel great when she said it though. But on the other hand, and I agree with her, on the other hand, you know, my My story is, is. It's a sad one on my, my, My best friend Will Cardin took his own life and I went into just a really, really rough tailspin. And I was with him a couple weeks earlier and we were at. My brothers and I put on this baseball tournament called Obats every year and we have 50 some odd guys and we have, you know, have a draft and uniforms and teams and it's kind of fun.

Yeah.

Award ceremony and the whole deal. But he was there and he was really down, like as down as I'd seen him. And my only counsel to him was, I don't mean to chuckle, but it's like sad to of. What I said was choose happiness. This was my big advice. Okay, serve others. I was like, just choose to be happy. Sometimes you could just make the choice. And then I said, when I'm down, I just serve. I do some kind of service for others. And that lifts me up. And he must have been looking at me like this guy has lost his mind because I didn't understand the depths of his mental illness. And two or three weeks later.

Without at risk of being so graphic, he was in his parents house and went up to the bedroom and took a shotgun and shot himself in the head. And that was it. And I got a call from a dear friend of ours, Jared Stone, and he said, have you heard? And I said, heard what?

And he said, will, Will's gone. And I didn't hear anything else. He said, I just kind of was.

Not in a good way. And, and I write about this in the book, but I'll tell you the story as I, in a. Hey, this guy's not the father of the year. Lisa came up and she saw I was kind of shaking and crying.

And.

And I went, I went downstairs. She's like, yeah, tell the kids.

Before.

They see it on social media or they get a text.

And I just said.

Uncle Will's gone.

Shot himself. I just walked away.

And.

You'Ve heard me talk about.

Being grounded and being comfortable and confident. And I can tell you when.

When.

You, when you're dealing with.

Excuse me, take your time.

When you're dealing with, with, with overwhelming grief.

Which I was.

You know, I didn't, I didn't. I couldn't see straight, to be honest. A couple weeks later I was out. I had the.

Blessing of getting to speak at his funeral and.

I left there I was in Arizona and I left. I kind of fell apart. I mean, in a way that I didn't really understand and I couldn't really get out of bed in the morning. I couldn't really fall asleep at night. I would be in a meeting and somebody would say something. I would just kind of walk away and burst into tears. And.

I just struggled with just it all. And I began to write to. I guess my form of healing. What I failed to do in hindsight is I failed to raise my hand.

Just like Will had, quite frankly, and say, like, hey, I need some help. I need to go see somebody or talk to somebody or get myself straight or right. And I, and I didn't. And you know, my wife has talked about her a lot already, but she's kind of, she's just steady and stable and I'm not, I go up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down. And she just kind of, you know, in my worst moments, she's, she's always there helping and not, not in a, in a condescending way and not in a aggressive way and not in a passive aggressive way. She just kind of helps. He just kind of guide me back on the rails. And, and, and she was struggling because we weren't like, I was not getting back on the rails. And she called her, her friend up, guy named Randall Wright, incredible author. He does a lot of faith based books. And he's a good friend of mine, but much better friends with her. And so he came up, I assume she called him and said like, hey, can you come out and talk to this guy? Like.

And.

And so he came in, in this, actually this office, and I was just like, hey, you doing all right? I'm like, yeah, I'm good. And he's like, lisa says you're writing a lot. I was like, yeah, you know, it's kind of like a journal. And, and what I was writing was.

I just found myself just. Some of it was just gibberish crap, and other of it was just times in my life where I struggled and, and what I learned my lessons and, and he's like.

His, his view was like, look, everybody like you, you. Like, he was, he's from Texas. And that's kind of like from like almost like Western Australia. It's like that, that type of mentality. And, and he's essentially like, you CEO is kind of like, you know, lecturing me. He's like, you know, you CEOs, you write these books and it's like it's all about you and your successes and you know, you pat yourselves on the back and you, you know, put pictures of yourselves with the presidents or some trophy you want he's like, this is the book we need. And I was like, this isn't a book, man. This is like, just my own stuff. And he's like, but.

But what if.

And I was like, what if what? He's like, but what if you could package this in a way that could help somebody? Would you do it?

And I said, I don't. That's not. I didn't really. I couldn't get it. He's like, look, Scott, it's like from the. From the outside.

Everything'S good. You live in this beautiful house. You got this amazing wife, you got these three healthy kids.

You know, you have this big job. You know, you're. You're on tv, you're in the newspaper, like, people know who you are. He's like. He's like, but what if. You know, what if it's not all perfect? Like, but it's not. She's like, I know, but nobody knows that. He's like, you know, maybe. Maybe there's something here. And so that. That became where your fear. That's.

That's what the book is. So it's not. If you're. If you're looking for a victory lap after victory lap, you certainly won't find it here. And if you're, you know, if you're. If you're looking to. To grow and. And learn a bit and stretch yourself and. And.

You know, understand.

My wife, Lisa, she said, good news, like, there'll never be an expose about you. She's like, it's all here. You know, this is kind of cute. And so it definitely walks through me, like, running a company to the ground and mistakes I made. It talks about me getting fired. It talks about Will. It talks, you know, losing his own life and talks about me struggling with mental health and talks about ups and downs of me with my daughters and. And what it's like being a dad of daughters and what it's like being married and how does it work and how, like, the mistakes we make, you know, they're oftentimes private, and hopefully it's like a roadmap and an anecdote to help you if you're ever, you know, in the tank or in the gutter or trip and fell or. Or struggle in life. Hopefully you'll find some common ground and say, like, hey, yeah, okay, this guy, he did it. I can do this. So that's the purpose. Long story. I know it's a little emotional for me. It always is when I talk about that story. But I appreciate that. And the platform thank you for sharing.

It and thank you for sharing your emotions. I feel, and I know that a lot of men struggle to do that, particularly in a public setting. So I think that you're leading the way in how we should be expressing ourselves and being vulnerable and sharing our struggles as opposed to sharing our trophies. And it's great to celebrate our successes. We've got to do that. But it's not our successes who make us who we are. It's our struggles and our failures. And the book is simply amazing. So there's a few things in the book that I want to just touch on. And this was something that our friend Chester had brought to the fore and talked about when we chatted. And it was assume positive intent API. So I think it's crucial. It's a critical part of the book and it's an amazing way for people to approach life in leadership and at home. So where does API come from? And how can people apply that?

Sure. So it's borrowed or stolen from Indra Nui, the former chairman and CEO of PepsiCo. And I read an article like 20 years ago, and ever since that, we've adopted it in our family as one of our mottos. So assume positive intent. You could, if you came to our house, you would. The last thing you see before you leave is it's. It's carved in the slate. If you went up to my daughter's rooms in my room, you'd see it carved into rocks in our room. It's something that we have. Don't ask me why we have chalkboards all over the house. But daughters are what. We have chalkboards all over the house. And API is written on the chalkboards. So for us, it's very much part of our language. It's. I'm a huge believer as a leader, and a leader can be as a dad. A leader can be as a manager at work. It could be a position you have at church or something you do in the community for service. Leadership takes on a whole host of different roles, but as leaders, we oftentimes have to repeat things. I think that sometimes when I was a young leader, it used to frustrate me because I. I always want to talk about something different. And my mentors and teachers and guides would say, no, no, no, come back to the three things that matter and keep saying them over and over until you're sick to your stomach. And then same another thousand times. And that helps to create a common vision and it helps to create a common language. And that language allows you to. Gives you the license to challenge. We have an expression at work. I used to say, hey, you don't have to like each other, but you have to love each other. Okay? And. And if I love you, James, I can say anything to you because you know I love you, and I can say anything, and, you know, it's emanating from a place of. Of love. I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm not trying to make you look bad. I'm not trying to make you feel like crap about yourself. I'm not. I'm not trying to, like, middle school you or teenage daughter you. I'm literally here because I'm giving you feedback. And it's emanating from love. And so no matter how I say, no matter how I deliver it, you know where that emanates from. And so in our house, you'll hear.

You know, you'll hear API. So, you know, we'll be in the car, and there'll be chaos in the car. We're going up to New York City a couple days ago to go see Music Man, Hugh Jackman. Great show. I'm not a big Broadway guy. I was kind of going on for the ride, and there was a little bit of an attack on one of my daughters. And my wife. Her. My wife said, oh, API. And everybody knows, like, okay, assume positive intent. Okay? She wasn't trying to be disruptive. She wasn't trying to be difficult. She wasn't trying. She. Let's assume positive. Assume the best out of her.

I remember.

I'll walk through what it is in a second. But I remember Adam Davis, this incredible young man I've worked with in a couple different spots at Madison Square Garden. And Harris Blitzer, Sports Entertainment. He was our chief revenue officer. And he came into the office one day, and he's like. Just his hands ups, like, scott, you know, I need you palms up. You just turned his hands up. That's another expression. We need palms up. And I need you to API. And what he was saying was, something happened to go wrong, the deal went south or something, and he said, I need you palms up. Now, palms up means I need you open. I don't need you. I don't need this guy. I don't need Mr. Debate. I don't need to tell me what I did wrong. I don't need that guy right now. I need you palms up. I need you open. I need you assuming positive intent. Assume positive intent with me, Adam, at the time. I need you assuming positive intent with this deal. That's gone sound. I need your wisdom, I need your creativity. I need your experience. That's the guy I need right now. I don't need this guy and I don't need this guy. And it was really compelling. And the language we use at home and the language we use at work are very similar. Assuming positive intent. The only way I can describe it best is if you're not assuming positive intent. You get an email from your partner, your friend, your spouse, your roommate.

Going to be late tonight. And your first instinct is like, you've got to be kidding me.

Or your boss sends you a text, I need to see you at 12, and you break into a cold sweat.

Now, your boss, she didn't say, I need to see you at 12 because you're in trouble, because you did something wrong, because you're a terrible person, because the deal's gone south, because you're getting fired. But think about where your head goes.

Right? That's a bad space to be. Instead of assuming positive attention, like, terrific.

Great opportunity, I get to see the boss. What a great opportunity. Such a. Yeah, it's a fundamental mind shift. Or what about like, you know, mountain guides? You know, I always see these pictures. I'm not much of a hiker, but these mountain guys and they're like stacked up with luggage. That's the only visual I can think of to how most of us go through life. We're not assuming positive 10, we have all this luggage. Well, James said this to me a year ago. And I remember James embarrassed me in the meeting. And every time I see him, he makes some kind of snide comment. So I'm walking in, I'm not assuming, causing 10 door conversation. I'm walking in, my back's up. Okay. I've got a protective shield and I'm waiting for something bad to happen. Now what happens when I'm gripping that stick so tight? Nothing good happens. Think about any sport you ever played. If you come in here just uptight and tense.

No, no.

Sports is fluid and loose. It doesn't mean there's not an intensity to it. Of course there is. There's intensity to it. But I'm open to what's going to happen. I haven't predetermined what's going to happen. Because when I'm predetermined that James is a jerk and he's difficult to deal with and meetings with him always go badly. And I know this is going to go bad, how do you think that means actually going to go?

Totally. You're setting it up for failure.

I've already decided it. I've predetermined what's going to happen. I walk in and you say, hey, Scott, I was just checking in on. Oh, because you have to check up on me. Whoa, Wait. Whoa. Soon pause in a tent. Okay, Palms up. I need you here. Stay with me. So that gives you a glimpse. I think it's a really powerful concept and topic.

It's been very pervasive in my life, in every aspect of my life.

I can see this. Honestly, I can see this playing out in my own family. I live in New Zealand. My family live in Ireland. I've got a little boy here and my partner. But I think there's times when we jump the gun or we assume things with our family members who we've known for years, and it ends up in tension and friction. But if we could all adopt a certain positive intent. Palms up. Well, everything changes, like, massively.

Yeah, No, I think it does. And I think the family stuff is strange, right? Like, it's the people that we love the most and have the most connection to and with and for. They're the most important people in our lives. And yet, you know, somebody has a brother that they haven't spoken to in a month, or a mom who you just can't deal with, or, you know, the best example are teenage girls with their moms. There is no assuming positive intent ever. You know, it's like, give yourselves and each other the benefit and give yourself grace. I mean, if there's one thing, it's like, give yourself great. If there's one thing you want to write down, it's not what's most important. It's not assumed positive intent. It's like, give yourself grace.

That's powerful. And it's interesting because I feel like in this day and age, we're constantly in comparative mode. So we've talked about Instagram and whatnot and Facebook, and it's really hard to give yourself grace when you're looking on Instagram at, whoa, that person did this. Well, they did that. It's their highlight reel, you know? So if somebody is finding it hard to give themselves a little bit of grace in life, where do they start?

Oh, man. You know, I.

I think, at least for me, what I've experienced as a dad and as a husband and as a leader at work is that those who.

Give themselves a break or grace, or they look in the mirror and they don't see.

The frailty and they don't see the lines, and they don't see the flaws. Instead they see the big picture. I remember my dad.

God rest his soul, passed away. But I remember I was struggling as a teenager and.

He brought a piece of paper in the room and he just wrote a little dot and he just laid it on the table. And he says, son, what do you see? And I was like, a dot made by pencil. He's like, no, I want you to look again. And I was like, I'm like, I think the old man's lost it, you know, I was like.

A dot.

That's it. And he said, okay. He said, there's a dot on a piece of paper. Piece of paper is white. It sits on a beautiful maple table in an incredible living room with some incredible craftsmanship. And what he was saying, I think is like, I think oftentimes when we look for the mark in ourselves.

And we're missing perspective, we're missing a bigger picture. So I think that's where it starts, you know, to understand that we're more than that speck on the piece of paper, or we're more than the, the flaw that we see in ourselves. And then if you can just pull that lens back a little bit.

In life, I think that's probably the best place to start.

I love that. Get out of the weeds and see it from that kind of dissociated spot, like a satellite view.

It's beautiful. Yeah, I love it.

How about you?

Have you had any tricks of the trade there where you've be able to either yourself manage yourself into grace or help others see grace within themselves?

Great question. You know, for me, grace starts with self, love and.

Harry Potter. J.K. rowling, the author, put it nicely. You know, for some to love you, some must loathe you. And we all get that. We understand that and it adds a lot of perspective to our lives. But when it comes to ourselves, we all have some level of self loathing. And you can either feed that or you can diminish that. And I ask new clients to do one thing and it's cringy and they don't like it and it's awkward and it's weird. But it's about building the self love muscle. And I think to give yourself grace, you've got to actually love yourself first. And so I always say, hey, and most of my calls are, my coaching calls are on the phone. Hey, are you close by a mirror? And they're usually in an office or they're at home or they're in the car. Yeah, yeah, I can get to a mirror in the next kind of 10 seconds. Okay, great. I was like, get to the mirror. And I want you to look in your own eyes. And I'm like, okay. I was like, I want you to say something, you maybe never said it before, but you're going to say it right now. I want you to look right in your eyes, first time you've met yourself. And I want you to say, I love you. And my clients what it's like, look in your eyes and say I love you. Now say it with passion. I love you. Say it in a funny way. Say it in a cheeky way and get them to 10, 15 times. By the end of it they're like, this is quite funny. I was like, well, how do you feel about yourself? Oh, can I love myself? I was like, great, we've got to learn to love. And I feel like we can only access grace once. We can access self love.

That's wonderful. I love that. Have you ever done. My wife's mom was really big on affirmations and we teased her unmercifully. Amazing woman, my mother in law, Janet Reynolds. But she would have my wife and her siblings sit in front of a mirror and say, I am smart, I am hardworking, I am strong. And it seems So, I don't know, 80s to me, but think of the power of that. It's very similar to what you're saying. I love the notion of you have to love yourself before you give yourself grace. And I love the notion of staring in front of a mirror and saying I love you. And that would be very painful for me as well. But, but there, there is, there is the way the brain works, which, which very few people understand is like, it's not what you think. It's not that you think of something and you say something. It's when you actually say the words, it has an impact, a measurable impact on your subconscious.

When you did the opposite of what you said is like negative self talk. I have a daughter who struggles with negative self talk and it makes me nuts because.

I don't like you putting that in your head. I am ugly, I'm stupid, I hate myself. I'm like, no, change the words. Like flip that script. Because it does have a very, very, very real impact on how you see the world and how you go into the world. I love your tactic. I'm gonna steal it.

Go for it. Absolutely, go for it. That's so interesting what you said there. You know, you're in the sports background and I deal with a lot of professional athletes, but My background was in music, so I was a drummer and a competitive drummer. So lots of adjudication and playing under pressure and so forth. So I find that the narrative and the vernacular that I used on the build up to those world championship titles that greatly impacted how I performed on the day. And, you know, the words that we use, I always think to myself, how can I be more exquisite? I'm Irish, I grew up in a working class town. You know, I've got all the words you can imagine, including the profanities, right? I think, how could I be more exquisite in times of pressure or times when things aren't going right? How can I use better language and even simple things like this? Like someone goes, hey, I just got promoted to CEO of the bank of New Zealand. Like, whoa, that's crazy. So right away, that word, that's crazy, it's not positive, or that's insane, or that's sick, you know, hear people saying, that's totally. That's sick, dude. That's not exquisite. That doesn't actually marry up subconsciously with a beautiful experience. So that's definitely something I work a lot on with my clients, is the words they use. And I call it incantations. So you've got incantations and incantations. So.

I, I'm too old, I'm too fat. Whereas that's an incant. Like, I just, I can't do that. Versus, I got this, I am enough. So you've said it already. Those, those affirmations, how we structure those and what we feel when we say those is so important. And, you know, getting the beads and saying it, the affirmation 100 times won't really have an effect until you feel what you're saying. So, you know, I often say one of them. I dropped my son off to school and then I blast some of my favorite music, often country music, and I'll go through three incantations, and it's often around fatherhood and say, no, I'm a good dad. I'm a present father. And I'll say those with passion. And it just reminds me that, you know, sometimes I'm not often, and I just need to remind myself to do that. So incantations for me are about just returning to the present and reminding myself of what the values are. So with your book, I know that the book is very much focused on how to remain present and congruent.

Yeah, there's a great, great. There's a wonderful story in the book about Sean Nelson, who started Lovesac. I don't know if you know lovesac. But it's. Yeah. Anyway, and. And he. He writes. He has a mantra that he has on his mirror, and he reads it every morning out loud. And I just. I love it. I think we'd all feel somewhat silly and awkward. And he doesn't like. He's. He's just this wonderful soul who he knows who he wants to be as a dad, he knows who he wants to. To be as a husband, he knows who he wants to be as a leader, he knows who he wants to be in the church, he knows he wants to be in the community. And he just reads it out loud every day. And for him, that's setting his intention every single day. And I just.

I love that practice the leadership Constitution. This takes me to this. This was fascinating. Can you please share with the audience the whole idea of a leadership constitution?

Sure. It's very similar. It's very similar to intention. It's just a little bit more specified. So you have to answer the question. I declare that I am.

And then you have to answer. You can count on me to be okay. We use this at work.

I learned this from Rich Hill of Gabriel Consulting in Chicago, Illinois, in the US and he walked our entire. My brother's team at get well Network at a healthcare IT company. And then I brought it to our company through him. And it's very similar. It's just declaring to the world who you are. We had them framed and put in our office, so there was no. I knew. I know. I know who I am. I want you to know. You can read it. You know, it takes about two or three weeks to actually go through and complete, but it's an exercise that everybody should do. So I declare that I am. You just say who you are.

I wish I had mine in front of me, but it's something. I start with mine to say. Something like, I'm a leader of leaders. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

You can count on me to be authentic, to nudge you, push you, root for you. You know that I'll laugh with you, cry with you.

Even when you haven't laughed or don't want to cry. So. So it's a notion of the actually authentic self. It's not. It's.

It's.

It's who you are. Not as much who you aspire to be. There is nothing negative in this. It's all positive. But the book walks through an exercise as to how you actually do it. But it's a. It's something like that. Like your mantra or like you're saying about, you know, your incarnation, cantations, can nations, it's fantastic. I think we all need positive self talk. And anything you use, whether it's the mantra where it's a leadership constitution, or you have your, your affirmations, or you simply sit in front of a mirror and say, I love you, I am strong, I am willing, I am tough, I am smart. I'm going to do it. I coach a high school girls basketball team. We are eight and one, by the way. Go team.

Yes.

I'm going to do it today to start a practice. And can you imagine getting 14 high school girls to say I am smart, I am strong. So we're going to see if we can do it. I'm going to put it to practice.

Today that to me you are transforming humanity one leader at a time with this high school team. One leader, one girl, one conversation. That's amazing.

That's why I love doing it. There's nothing, there's nothing like that age group. I don't know. Everybody has like a certain age group that they love. You know, I remember with our first baby, it wasn't that I wasn't. We had trouble having kids and had all kinds of issues. But when we had our first baby, I loved it. But like, you know, she's cute, she doesn't really say, you know, when they became teenagers, that's when I like emerge. I love teenagers. I love their struggle. I love them trying to figure out who they are. I love their awkwardness. You know, I love them emerging and growing like that. That is a group of people that I love to spend time with. And so getting to spend time with, you know, the same 17 kids every day has been, it's been quite a, quite a treat.

That's so phenomenal. Well, there's a question I wanted to ask you before we get close to wrapping up. But over the years you've had to select team members, whether they're athletes or whether they're in administration or other leaders within your team. How do you go about. And the girls high school now as well, selecting team members. What do you look for? Obviously there's a certain degree of talent or skill set, but more importantly, what are the other things that you look forward to? Say that person will bring a lot to the team and I can help grow that person.

Yeah, first and foremost is I like people who work unreasonably hard. So that, that to me and you know, in a perfect world, if you could sculpt that perfect person, I'd Say it's somebody who works unreasonably hard, someone who is intellectually curious, someone who's an extraordinary teammate, and someone has light or passion in their eyes, whatever. However you define that. I think those would be my four. You know, the reality is, is that.

I think, you know, other than the hard work thing, because I think that's a gene. Like, I don't know if it's a learning skill or not. I think there are certain people who wake up in the morning and have a gear.

And whether that's because they grew up a certain way or raised a certain way or that's how they were born, I have no idea. But there are those kids I'll work with till the end of time. Intellectual curiosity is about, like, what am I learning? You know, what I push kids and at work and same type of thing is like, what are you learning? Like, outside of what you have to learn for school, what podcast have you listened to? What TED Talk, what article are you reading? What are you passionate about? Something outside of like your English class or your social studies class or your science class. I want you to find a passion and learn at work. We get so tunnel vision. You just work, work, work, work. In the sports business, I'm just reading everything on sports and it's like, you know what I'm interested in right now? I'm interested in blockchain technology. I'm Interested in Web 3.0, I'm interested in the metaverse. I think the whole world is changing and I want to read about it. I read anything I get my hands on. But intellectual curiosity is a. I think.

That is the one thing I've seen, one characteristic. I've seen that with High Flyers. They're all intellectually curious and are learning all the time, 100%. And then being an extraordinary teammate seems really, really trite. I will tell you though, especially when you're young in your career. I remember starting, I was a 22 year old kid and I was an assistant, like a marketing assistant, taking dictation and picking up dry cleaning and getting lunch for people and doing all the terrible jobs. And I remember the guy to my. The cube to my right, he's now running CAA Sports, which in my business is like the largest talent agency in the world. And the guy to my left built the Barclays center in Brooklyn and ran the Nets. And like, we were all kids, you know, And I think they're both very good friends of mine, Brett York and Howard Neucho. And I wonder, like, what if that wasn't my thing, and I wasn't doing it consciously. I love people and love connection and love helping people, and that's kind of how I go through the world. But what if I didn't like, what a missed opportunity. And there are plenty of people in that group that went on to do extraordinary things as well. But I just think about those two guys, one to my right and one to my left. And it's like, we have these people, and when you start, if you think about, like, not in a Machiavellian way, okay, not like, hey, I am going to do this because they will help me. Not. I don't. I don't like that. I like, hey, you know what? We're all interconnected and the world is really small and life is long. What if I walk through intentionally of my day trying to help others, serve others, be a great teammate, see if I can be of help? It is amazing how that comes back around. And I can tell you, for me, it has come back around a thousand times, and I think that that's good. And then the last one, in terms of passion, it is very different. Passion and light in the eyes is very different than hard work. Hard work is like putting the time in that. There's something you see when kids have that light in their eyes or adults or people you work with.

And they're excited and they find passion. And it doesn't have to be passion about a new project or a new job. It can be passionate about what we're having for lunch or.

A project we're working on. But there's an excitement that's contagious. And I've seen extraordinary things done by ordinary people who did nothing else but have a light in their eyes. So those are the four things I'd lean into.

That's incredible. And for people listening, Scott, I know that's going to be valuable when they're selecting staff members, team members, life partners. Like that. To me, that's, that's phenomenal. Thank you for sharing that. And one last question for you. And I always ask this right at the end, if you know you've got three daughters. So let's, let's, let's use them at this point. So if you had to leave the earth and you had an opportunity to have a conversation with your three daughters, and they said, dad, how do we lead our lives with purpose, what would your answer be to that?

I would say to them.

That at first, I'd say that I love them and that they're remarkable and that I want them to.

Find their authentic selves over time. And I don't want them to try to be like anyone. I want them to carve their own path. So I think that would be my first step for them is like, find your authentic, authentic self. Secondly, I would say that I want them to be grounded in a faith, in faith. And, and I know organized religion is not popular of the day, and while I subscribe to it, I don't advocate that for everybody or think everybody should run and go grab their scriptures and run to church. But I, but I do believe that believing in a higher power does bring you a grounding that we all need and provides a baseline of purpose. And then the third thing I would say is that.

To leverage their skills, talents, abilities and all the blessings they have in their life to go help others. And that if they are authentic, that they have a strong sense of faith and who they are and they serve others, that'll be a life worth living.

Wow, Scott. What comes from the heart reaches the heart. And I felt like I felt that. And I'm going to make sure you get a little clip of that that you can, if you feel like it at any point, to share with your daughters when they're ready. That's stunning. And there'll be many people that have heard that. And if you're listening to this right now, I want you to take note and write those things down because it's powerful. It's a great way to live life on your terms and defining what success is to you. So, Scott, I just want to say a heartfelt thank you for anybody that's listening. Please jump onto Amazon right now. I'll put the links below. Get the book ordered, Be where your feet are.

James, thank you very much. It's been quite a treat. You're an incredible voice for this rising generation and I hope this you continue to do what you can to help us learn to be better leaders and make a difference in the world.

Thank you so much. Hey guys, if you enjoyed the content today, please smash that subscribe button below. And if you want to become part of my community, I've got an amazing free Facebook group. Please come and join us. The link is in the description below. And also if you've got any questions about today's session, I'd love to know. Just comment below and I'll be sure to get back to you guys. Have the most amazing day.