If life is an audition, will you get the role?

Welcome to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success with your host Jane Slack-Smith, where we celebrate the incredible journeys of individuals who've transcended their limitations and achieved extraordinary success.

Hello, it's Jane Slack-Smith here. Week 32 of my crazy book writing experience, and you know, every single week I sit down down and think, goodness, how can I get even deeper into this conversation about what is it to live a life of abundance? What are the things that hold us back? What are the tools that we can use to actually reveal what we really want and optimize and get us in flow so that we can live that every day? And I was sitting thinking about this recently, and Albert, who's my guest today, Albert Bermante, he reached out to me. And what was so unique unique about Albert's backstory is that he works primarily with people in the performance space, be, be them actors or maybe elite sports people. And his unique perspective really set a chord with me because I think, you know, where we are in like this kind of what is it to live a life of abundance, what are the things that can hold you back, who better than performers who are turning up every day and being told no, you're not good enough? How do they actually get over these things, and Albert is this expert. So Albert, thank you so much for agreeing to speak to me today.

Sure, thank you so much, Jane, for having me. I'm really happy to be here.

So just a little bit about you. You've got all of these qualifications— psychologist, NLP, hypnotherapist. Like, tell me a little bit about you and how you got to this point.

Well, I got to this place because I was always, uh, a, a thinker, a person who liked to read. I was, I was born in a family where I was a bit different. So when I say different, um, my— I was the youngest of 5, and my— all my brothers and my older sister were all into sports. They, they come from a sports family and through and through. And, and for me, I had zero interest in sports, both playing it and even watching it as a spectator. So, but I enjoyed being at the library and I enjoyed hanging out at the library. So hence I started to just really wanting to be, you know, around books and liking books, liking reading.

Mm-hmm.

So, and I was reading a lot of nonfiction books, you know, in high school, including like How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. That was one of— I really enjoyed that book. I also read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I was reading, uh, another book by David Burns, Feeling Good, which is like a primer on cognitive behavioral therapy.

And, and this is, this is you in your teenage years? You're reading your self-development books? Okay. Got it.

Yeah.

So you hit the self-development world young?

Yeah. When I was like 14, 15, I was starting the, uh, self-development world. It was just something that I, I always gravitated towards, I guess. And that's— I became interested in psychology because of that. And so I was like, I really want to major in this. So that's what I did. But I was also interested in the performing arts space because in both in high school and in college, I was very much involved in extracurricular activities. So I was in a— in high school, I was in a drama club. And in college, I was like in a couple student theater clubs. So I was very much active in, in the performing arts space. And I really enjoyed it. And it really brought a sense of joy to me and inspiration just to be in the performance arts space. So that kind of is where I got started working in performing arts.

Right. So with this, I guess the thing that really strikes me is as an actor or a creator who is putting yourself out there to be criticized or to be assessed, let's say, you know, there might be good out of it. Yeah. What are the key characteristics that you, when you're working with these creatives, What are the stories or the common patterns or, you know, the things that bring them down? Because I'm just thinking that, you know, it is almost like a more exposed place than where we in our normal lives are. But by highlighting like the absolute extreme, it gives us some sense of, oh, that could be working for me too.

Mm-hmm. Well, you know, it is all about putting yourself out there, and there is that risk-taking aspect of it in a sense. And there is that ability to just, um, you know, be vulnerable on camera, be vulnerable on stage. And that's the thing about being an actor is— or just anytime you're putting yourself out there— is that vulnerability. Now, it may not necessarily be— you may not be being— you may not be judged overtly, but there's still that element of, well, this performance is gonna determine whether I get hired or not, you know, in here. So there's that extra level of pressure sometimes.

Yeah. And that vulnerability that really comes from stating, this is what I want. So in In the performance, it's, I want this gig or this job. But in our lives, it might be, geez, you know, I actually want something new. I, you know, what I've got so far may not be exactly what I want. And so this vulnerability of stating what you want and having the risk of judgment, this is, this is how, you know, I really want to understand how does someone get to that point where they're like, I've now decided that I want something and I'm going to have to cross that chasm of putting myself out there and stating it. Like, how big is that chasm? How hard is that decision?

It can be. It can be difficult because there's sometimes your whole being and you're putting yourself out there and sometimes you're going to get told no. And then other times you may be told yes.

Mm-hmm.

And, and in the performance arts space where I'm based out of, and I'm in the, uh, US New York area, which is heavily, heavily saturated area of actors. So we have hundreds of thousands of actors and only a small number of roles, you know, that are really available at any given moment. So There's going to be many, much nos than there are yeses in any actor's career.

So how do you, how do you, how do you shield yourself against the nos?

Well, the one thing is a couple of things. There's a couple things you can do, um, that you should be doing. Number one is having outside interests and passions. So where your life is not just 24/7 consumed with When am I gonna get my next gig? So what passions do you have? I know some of my clients are, uh, teacher, you know, working with, with kids. You know, they'll, they'll teach in schools, whether it's as a primary school teacher or just like, like into art, different arts programs. Some of them work into real estate. Some of them work, do temp work, you know, something that gives them some fulfillment. Some, some of my clients are fitness trainers. That keeps them busy too. So it really— what I would say, the first thing I would say to shield it is to find outside interests.

Mm-hmm.

And the second way is to not— and this kind of takes— it's gonna take a little bit of effort, a little bit of work— is being able to put the nose, like, separate yourself from You know, your product, your business. Because when you're told no, you know, it— if you don't take it personally, it's not going to be so bad.

Mm-hmm.

So if you, you know, if you really look at it internalized, hey, it's not about me. You know, I— yeah, I didn't get the role, but it has nothing to do with me. They're not saying no to me. They're just saying no to me getting this role. And so I kind of like to— a quote that I kind of, um, go by is, there's no such thing as rejection, only a simple reminder that our services are not needed today.

Okay, so this separation from the actual experience and feedback and your inner knowing of who you are, your identity, That seems to be the chasm, right?

Absolutely.

How do you do that?

Well, it's about doing a couple of things and really learning to look at things and be able to be resilient and look at even the nos as learning opportunities. And, and look at that as, again, feedback so that if you're not, if things are not going in the, the way that you want them to, you know, at least you're doing something again that keeps you sort of busy in a sense. And you're keeping yourself active.

A way I like to look at it sometimes when I get a no to something that I'm really passionate about and I'm like, this is a no-brainer. Like, I can't. Believe how this hasn't, you know, the person hasn't said yes to this or accepted it or whatever it might be, is I try to think it's a no for now. It's not like a full stop. It's like, it's a no for now. It may not suit the situation at the moment, but it doesn't reflect on me as an individual. It reflects on that person or that situation or that opportunity in the moment. And, you know, I think for me personally, the growth journey that I've been on in the last few years has allowed me to accept myself and be self-referential and understand that someone else's decision is by no means reflective of who I am and my values and what I stand for. my belief in myself. There might be, as you say, some opportunities there for me to say, gosh, you know, I might need some, you know, I might be interested in looking at a new skill or a new way to present something or a new opportunity for a new path for discussion, but it doesn't at the essence of me affect me. And the more I speak to people, I get the sense that they don't have that essence of themselves being so rigidly accepting. And you obviously, you know, you deal with these people who are getting rejected regularly. That knowing of yourself and that accepting of yourself, you know, there is that, you know, have outside passions so that, you know, you still have interests. It's not like you get to know and there's nothing else in your life. I just, I just, I'm wondering from a psychology point of view, those internal stories, those, you know, patterns that you may have had, how can you see them and dissolve them so you go, I'm good, I'm complete, I feel whole as I am at the moment?

Well, it takes a lot of work, you know, that's like consistent work. Like, they're not going to be dissolved overnight, you know, it's not Gonna be a quick fix, and I think a lot of it is just taking consistent action because a lot of times when we start, you know, doing, you know, just not taking action, like we maybe live out of fear, we then start to, I guess you could say, procrastinate and hold ourselves back. And, you know, not wanting to take action and just letting things build up and build up and build up. And then we start really doubting ourselves even more. Like, you know, see, I can't do this. I know I'm not cut out for this. Instead of taking, you know, small actions even, like, okay, you know, tomorrow you're going to do this, or, you know, the next day we'll do this, you know, and then holding yourself accountable is important.

Okay, so let's go back to fear. So there's this fear that is probably one of the biggest motivators that drive us to not take action.

Absolutely. Fear, definitely.

How do you deal with that? Is it building up the resilience of the little micro steps or is it going, you know, I'm bold, I'm brave? Is it internal stories or, you know, Words that you're telling yourself? Like, what are the, the ways that people can address fear and overcome it?

Um, the best way to overcome fear is simply, uh, by facing it head-on. And maybe not right away. I wouldn't say like maybe like dive into the pool on the deep end very fast. But I would definitely say we have to move through it. If someone, let's say, has a fear of putting themselves out there, so the first thing might be, okay, well, go to a networking event, even do a virtual event, but something where you have to talk to other people and interact with other people. And then, you know, if you can go to a physical meetup group in your area or a networking group. Because, A, it's not gonna be so threatening because people are there to meet people. So, but the important thing is to do something different, you know, and it almost sometimes like is do what scares you sometimes again, and that'll raise your confidence up.

Hmm. I love that because it's not about these big bold moves of like, you know, putting yourself out and doing a big pitch or doing a big, you know, what do they call them when actors go callouts or when you go and it's not rehearsing, whatever it is when they turn up to get a job?

Yeah, well, it depends now if they're involved in something else, like let's say a Broadway show and they get called out to do a film or a, you know, a couple days on a TV show as a, you know, guest character, what they do is they'll do what we call call-out, in which they will, um, get their understudy. And usually we see that a lot on Broadway and Off-Broadway. A lot of times these shows will have, uh, understudies.

Right. But for the people to actually, uh, auditions That's what I— that's the word I'm looking for.

Yeah, audition. Okay, I'll go with that.

We don't have to like turn up and audition with 100 people as the first move. You could just talk to the guy at the local, you know, um, cafe when you're getting your coffee and going, you know, how was your day? What do you do afterwards? Like, you know, you can just start conversations. Or if you're sitting next to someone somewhere, it's just starting the conversations to get comfortable with maybe just if your fear is around public speaking or your fears around talking to people you don't know, you can start small before you, you know, turn up and try to be the, you know, the limelight or the, you know, the guru on the stage or whatever it is. So I like that idea. It's small little pieces that are building up your resilient CV or your resilience resume so that you've got, you know, success kind of leaves clues. You've got something in the tank that says, well, it wasn't so bad when I spoke to the person I was sitting next to on the bus yesterday. Maybe I can give it another go today and, you know, even stretch it a bit further and go to a meetup.

Exactly. And it's just, it's, it's kind of just about expressing yourself and just, and slowly stretching it out. And that's what I feel is important.

So, okay, so we've— we acknowledge the fear, we feel it, we take micro steps to, um, I guess, address that, you know, the downside's not that bad. From a, like, a psychology point of view and, uh, like, the way our brain works point of view, aren't we always kind of in this caveman stage of let's find the threat first. Like, you know, I just feel that there's a, there's a lot of like the archaic thinking of how the human is that, you know, these, these kind— there's a, there's a number of things that we're always kind of looking for. We're looking for threats, we're looking for what— how do we keep ourselves safe, etc. Is there, is there something that you want to talk to about that?

Um, well, you know, the idea of just facing it, um, it's all about just, you know, being, being present, um, and being able to take risks sometimes, you know. And I, I think it's just about doing day-by-day actions in a sense, um, and being in the moment. In a sense where we're not hiding anymore, you know. And again, as you were saying before, it's about, you know, just putting, you know, going on these auditions and even reframing it. And I don't, you know, sometimes the word audition can be scary, right? I'm going on an audition. Well, what if you looked at it as an opportunity to perform? So every time you go to a networking event, every time you have a conversation, Look at it as an opportunity to get to know somebody, as an opportunity to help maybe inspire somebody else.

Mm-hmm.

So putting yourself out there also might mean inspiring other people. Like in your, you know, case, I would say you never know who might, might be inspired from your book or from your, you know, from your podcast. So, but I can tell you nobody will be inspired if you don't do anything.

Yeah, it's interesting you say that. My son was at a childcare center and, you know, you kind of see parents as you're dropping kids off. And this is like 10+ years ago, 15 years ago, more often. But I remember one day it was raining and I could see one of the mothers that I'd seen there a few times getting caught in the rain walking away. And I pulled over and I said to her, hey, do you want to jump in? Do you want a lift? And she was taken aback and she said, yeah, sure. And she jumped in and we got chatting and we saw each other a few other times and then we became friends and we started, you know, we lived near each other and we started walking. And it wasn't until about like 10 years later she said to me, that moment when you pulled over and said, hey, do you need a lift? It's raining. She said, I would— it floored me. I'd never met someone before who who would think of someone else, like, who would do something like that. And she said, it inspired me in the subsequent years to go, gosh, you know, how could I reach out to someone or see someone who, who might need a bit of assistance and take action? And, you know, so to your point, you know, it may not be even an immediate feedback that you get, but you can inspire someone by just going, sitting next to them going, hey, look, you dropped something down there. And they're like, oh, sorry. That's not a nice thing that that person said.

Absolutely. Even something very tiny. And you might not know things. I've, I've, you know, I've been, like I said, I've been a college professor for 22 years. And sometimes I'll run into students that, you know, were in my class maybe 10, 11, 12 years ago. And, you know, have told me, like, your class is the best class they were at. And I never would have known that, that they felt that way.

So that kind of brings me to— you mentioned being in the moment, being present. What does that mean to you? What's, what's the importance of that?

The importance is, is like taking advantage of things in the moment, in real time, so to speak. Um, taking things in, in real time, in a sense. So it just means being focused, being, you know, on target, being, um, fully aware of what's going on and not living— see, also our mind frame. A lot of times we live in the past, like we regret things that happened to us, or we reflect negatively about things that happened to us a year ago, 5 years ago, even 10 years ago. We're so dwelling on the things that might have happened that we didn't like, or we're then worried about the future. What's gonna happen tomorrow? What's gonna happen next week, 2 years from now? Instead of taking the time where, what about today? What about right now?

Mm-hmm.

What about, you know, looking at it later on today? Because we're so focused on, you know, either what's my life gonna be like next year, and then we're also focusing on what went wrong You know, 2 years ago, 5 years ago, even when we were growing up. So that's what I mean by being present today in the moment.

Because if you're in the past or you're in the future, I guess we've all— they've kind of proven that the stories that we, or our memories of the past, are all made up anyhow. Everyone has a different opinion of what happened at an event, and it's our perception from our stories, right? Even the stories we're telling us that have— I didn't get this job, or I didn't— the person rejected me at the last moment when I was declaring my love, or I didn't get the part, or I didn't win the race. All of these things, we make up stories about them that we're bringing and bringing to the moment that we're in now. And even the future stuff is what you're saying is we're sitting there going, What if they say no? What if this is going to happen? And you play out this entire timeline, which is maybe just made up anyhow. So by collapsing those and acknowledging them and go, oh, there's me turning up in my dysfunction of whatever, or in my belief pattern of whatever— if you let that go and just be in the moment and being the present, essentially you're turning up fully And being aware of who you are, what you're doing, you're taking a step, your intention is to connect, to inspire, to do the best performance, and the outcome is not in your hands. Like, that seems like a bit of a relief moment to me.

Yeah, well, I mean, the idea is sometimes if you can be free in a moment, it will be a relief, you know, it to be kind of like that Um, you're free, you're in the moment, and you're just free to do whatever. It is freeing, but a lot of people can't do that. It's like learning to let go sometimes is a skill. And, you know, just trust the process, let it go, and do what we need to do. That, that's a process. It's not easily done.

So you have techniques. So you use hypnotherapy. You You're a psychologist, you teach psychology at college. Like, these are the traditional ways. How did hypnotherapy come in? Like, was there— did you feel that there was a gap or something, or there was a way that you needed to be able to get people out of their way? Like, I'm interested. How does hypnotherapy fit into this?

Well, so a couple of things, a couple of things that led up to My study in hypnotherapy and hypnosis. So I, when I was in grad school for my master's degree, this is before my PhD studies, I, um, we were studying, I was studying marriage and family counseling and—

Sorry, what were you studying?

A lot of marriage and family counseling, marriage and family therapy. So we were taught a couple different therapy models. or ideas or frameworks that were all solution-focused, meaning that it was a bit on the unconventional side. I'm talking like Virginia Satir, Fritz Perls, uh, Milton Erickson. So little did I know at this time— I didn't know it because all I kept saying was like, I really resonate with these people. And little did I know it, they necessarily weren't hypnotists purely themselves, but they really set the foundation. Like, they were really the, you know, where people drew like the framework from in hypnosis and NLP. So now, at the same time, I went— I was young. I, one night, I went out to a comedy club in, in where I'm at, and There was a hypnotist there, and I just said, let me go up and try right before, you know, let me— it was a stage hypnosis, so comedy hypnosis show. All right, let me try and go up and volunteer and see what happens, because I was always curious about hypnosis. And, uh, to say I was impressed was an understatement. I was absolutely mesmerized. By the entire process. Number one, just how comfortable I felt being on stage, kind of making a fool of myself in front of you know 100 strangers, and how comfortable I felt and relaxed I felt. You know, it almost felt like I was performing for one person. You know.

Yeah.

It was odd. I couldn't explain it. And then afterwards, when, when the show was over and we were going home and everything, I felt such a euphoric rush of endorphins coming in. That was like, I was euphoric for day— like happy for days. Oh. And all I said to myself was, I, I need to know More of that. I don't know what that was.

Was it that feeling like there's apprehension, you get on stage, and then the hypnotist took you through something that made you feel calm? Even though he— I'm gathering it was a comedy club— he had you doing silly stuff.

Of course, it was, it was way over the top.

Right. But you felt okay about it?

Felt completely comfortable. Like I was amongst friends, you know. It was like—

He left you with a subliminal kind of message to say you're happy.

Happy, enjoying, and all of that. Um, and I, I, all I thought to myself was— and it took me, it took me a couple of years because I just kind of went, blew it off and went back to— and I said to myself, huh, if I could forget about that Couldn't somebody forget that they have anxiety or a fear? You know, and, and so I started putting two and two together. And one day I was reading a Psychology Today magazine and it said, learn hypnosis. There was a— the, the advertiser was like for the video course to learn hypnosis. So, uh, I took the video course and I was like, this is interesting. I don't know yet. You know, I was still a clinical psychologist. That was like my initial career path. I was just gonna be a straight-up clinical psychologist. And I, I, it's like, you know, I, I wasn't so sure. But then I, a couple of years later after that, I took a 3-month, uh, training course in, in New York in hypnotherapy. And I realized this is more what I want to do, and it took some more training. So what I like about hypnotherapy and NLP— and I don't necessarily— I don't really call myself a hypnotherapist or NLP. I don't advertise that. I'm a performance mindset coach who happens to maybe blend processes that are hypnotic in there, um, but I'm not a traditional hypnotist.

What's NLP for people who don't know?

NLP, sure. It stands for neuro— neurolinguistic programming, and it's based on the pro— a process of like modeling human excellence by using language and altering our nervous system. And it was really designed to kind of Being able to look at human excellence and being able to reproduce it from modeling, which is like copying actions, and to even like using language to change the neurology of things, of our internal nervous system. So it became a very powerful way of like change work. By using, like, your activating your imagination and your 5 senses. So, and it really comes from the, it operates under the notion that we have everything we need to succeed. We sometimes just need to tap into that model a little bit more.

Hi, it's Jane here, and I'm just breaking in for a moment. Now, if you're enjoying this conversation, and why wouldn't you? It's amazing. You are going to love the Exit the Matrix community. Now, this is where all the thought leaders I've interviewed come together. There's tools, AI courses, teachings, things that go along to support your journey as you exit the matrix. Just go to exitthematrix.today/ETM with me. Right, back to the conversation. So would you say so hypnosis is kind of like the technique and NLP brings the words and the proven kind of success structure to be able to get behind the veil of all of the stories, limitations, whatever it is, conditions that we create fear, as we've discussed. Get behind the veil to actually get in of— we're already coded for success. I love this premise that the universe wants my success. The only person getting in the way is me. So it's kind of like getting out of your way and tapping into that. So your experience on stage gave you a few days of euphoria. Is that how it works? Is it like it lasts for a little bit and you have to go back and keep tapping in and reminding yourself because your brain and life gets in the way? Is it like an ongoing process?

Yes, absolutely. And this is why Um, it, it really— in order for hypnosis or hypnotherapy to be effective, or any type of coaching to be effective, is there has to be a process of, of implementing, of, you know, really taking action and, and implementing the steps that are needed, like what you've learned, in a sense. So, because otherwise it's really not going to be effective if it's just a one-and-off thing and you don't actively pursue that. So a lot of times we might, you know, in, in between sessions with any coaching thing, is give assignments, give homework. And it's not because we want to keep people, you know, simply busy. We're just being busy, but we want to keep them so we reinforce what they have, you know, what we went over in that week, or to reinforce the teachings or For the knowledge. But it takes consistency. It takes action. So a lot of times, if you want to, like a traditional hypnotist, sometimes you may get like a tape, you know, like a, a recording to listen to on a daily basis.

Mhmm.

In between sessions, they kinda give you like a bit of a daily booster shot.

Mhmm. Mhmm. Okay. And Okay, so as a, as a performance coach, you help people identify, I guess, the thing that they need. That's— I know the— you know, you've got a, you've got a quiver of arrows and you're like, you're looking at what that person needs to release them from something, and then you go in, you go, okay, we need to be talking about fear or trauma or addiction or whatever it is, but you go in and you, you actually then create something that allows them to have a, a, like a personalized prescription hypnotic, um, tape or recording that actually allows them to go straight into their mindset and start rewiring their neuro connections. Is that the— is Is that the way it works? Yeah.

I mean, and it's when you can start like, uh, changing like your behavior and changing your thought process, you start to rewire the neuro— you know, the— your neurochemistry, your neurotransmitters, your nervous system. So it's kind of like you're changing completely.

Are there people who are better at being hypnotized than others? What are the characteristics?

Um, well, I think it's a myth that when they say some people can't be hypnotized, everyone can, because really hypnosis is about being suggestible. And if you weren't suggestible, you wouldn't be— you wouldn't be able to learn anything. So it's, it's really about Not necessarily born in excess, you know, easier. Everyone can be hypnotized, and everybody is hypnotized every day. They just don't realize it.

Like with advertising?

Maybe not advertisements, propaganda, all that stuff. I mean, you know, and a lot of times we may even hypnotize each other without even realizing it. Let's say, you know, your partner comes home for the day and you say, well, honey, you look tired.

And then you feel tired.

And now you feel tired, or you got bags under your eyes. Now you feel tired. 20 seconds ago you didn't feel tired. So we do this a lot. And another example is when we go to— go to the cinema or we watch something on TV, we know that what we're about to watch is fake. You know, it's, it's all made up. You know, it's, it's, it's just people on the screen talking about a fictitious item, especially when you see a movie. But yet we have the suspension of disbelief and we start either laughing, getting angry, or even crying. Hmm. And so we kind of get mesmerized with something that's fake. In a sense.

Yeah. So sucks us in, doesn't it?

Yeah. So it, it really is something that happens to us every day. Now, to kind of also answer what you had asked, there has to be trust between whoever's doing the hypnotizing and the subject. If you have your guard up, it's not gonna work.

Mm-hmm.

Like, we cannot change free will.

Yeah.

We can't, we can't change free will. Now, you can hypnotize people without them knowing if they're not, you know, again, salespeople do this all the time.

Mm-hmm.

You know, you go into a store and you come out with a bunch of items you don't need. You know, or you go into a store and you buy stuff you had no intent— no intention of buying. You didn't even know it was out there.

It's like Costco. Go to Costco to get a bag of almonds and you come out with, like, yeah, 50 toilet rolls.

Yeah. Well, it's, again, it's the, the, the music that's played, but it's very subtle and slow. That's soothing. And also, as much as I wanna think that, that, that they're being nice, but those free samples, now there's a catch.

That's that law of reciprocity, isn't it? I'll give you a sample.

100%.

Take something off me. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll give you a sample and buy a lot of things. Or, you know, you go, or even like these things that they do, at least in the States, they would sell you like, You know, they wanted you to buy timeshares. So they what they would do is say, "Hey, come up. It's I wanna I wanna treat you to lunch. It's on me." And then of course, when you get into that lunch, now you're getting a massive sales pitch about a timeshare.

I went to Hawaii, and there seemed to be someone on every corner going. Hey, would you like to go to a hangi or some great event? All you have to do is go and listen to this talk for an hour. And it's like, oh, that sounds like a great idea. Like a $300 ticket to some great dinner and show. And I'm like, is my hour worth that? I'm like, no, not really.

Well, because you know that, okay, maybe the first 15 to 20 minutes you'll get a talk about something relevant. And this is interesting. But I can guarantee you the next half part of that talk, it's gonna be an upsell.

Mm-hmm.

You know, they're trying to buy this and that, and this happens everywhere. I mean, yeah.

Are kids easier being hypnotized than adults? And I'll tell you why I'm asking this. As a child, I was petrified of the dentist. And I— unreasonable fear of the dentist.

Mm-hmm.

And to the extent— and I think I was probably about 7. The dentist started the drill and I jumped out the chair and I was trying to climb out the window and I was like 2 stories up. And my mum and my— the dentist like got me back and they're like, it's okay. And I moved to a country town, Dubbo. It's in central New South Wales in Australia.

Yeah.

And this very proactive dentist, and I said, like, most of the kids are scared of me. I need to do something. So he, back in the '70s, went to Sydney, the Big Smoke, 8 hours away, and learned hypnotherapy. And I remember, you know, I'm dragged to the dentist and, you know, I hate the injections. I hate the drill. And he said to me, Okay, I'm gonna tie— close your eyes. I'm gonna tie a balloon on your hand, and, um, it's just gonna tug your hand up. And I had this, you know, imagination. I'm like, oh yeah, my hand's being tugged up. He said, now I'm going to let the air out. And the drill started. The air's coming out, no stress. And then he said, and your finger, you've got a magic finger, and you're going to touch your tooth, and your tooth's going to go numb. No injection. And like from the age of 7 to like 17, I was like, this is the best thing ever. You know, no injections, no fear. Every time I go there, this 2-minute little like routine, I'm in it. And I remember when I turned up, I was like 17. He's like, oh yeah, I have to do a feeling. And he started the drill. I'm like, no, no, give me the balloon. He said, no, I don't do that anymore. I was like, and I went straight back into fear.

Yeah.

And I was like, God, after all of those years of conditioning, I could have Possibly, you know, I was just so, so locked into his process. I could have— obviously now I look at it, go, I could have done that myself. But yeah, I had that experience.

Yeah, because a lot of— well, that is, you know, pure anxiety right there. And that's really all it is, is, uh, dental anxiety and just getting you to be distracted. Even. And, you know, even the, the perception of pain, because hypnosis is great for pain. Um, it's all about being distracted, you know, being distractibility. Like, you know, again, you focusing on the balloon while he's working on your tooth. You're focusing on the balloon and you're not really thinking about the tooth anymore.

No.

Um, I mean, how many times, even like with little kids, if they're playing out and they fall down and they, they scrape their knee, but they're with their friends, they're not gonna cry. They're with their friends. But the moment that they see their mom—

True.

They start crying or in pain now, but they weren't in pain for 2 hours before that when they had walked running around with a scraped knee. Yeah, so it really depends on, um, you know, it's about the perception. If we can alter the perception a bit, um, and you know, there, there's even— I haven't really studied this, this aspect of it, but there's like, you know, hypnobirthing too, which is, you know, Um, enabling a mom to give birth, uh, pain-free under hypnosis.

Interesting. So that, um, if we go back to the start where, you know, we kind of want something and we're feeling the judgment and fear and anxiety comes up, this is where Hypnotherapy with a nice dose of NLP can take you through that experience to the other side of, it's okay, I'm going to feel the fear and it'll be— I'll be distracted by something, but feel the fear and be okay anyhow.

Yeah, well, I mean, it takes away the sting of it, or at least the threat of it. And it really depends on from person to person. Some people can be completely gone. Other people are like, yeah, it's there, but it doesn't bother me anymore. Like, for example, you know, some people might notice in a dentist example, yeah, I feel what the dent— I feel a dentist in my mouth, but nothing. It doesn't hurt.

Yeah.

You know, it's, it's like just neutral. Yeah, I know you're working in my mouth, but I don't feel anything.

So I see on your website you've got like a number of, um, uh, hypno tracks that people can, can download and purchase and listen to. And there's like anxiety and addiction. Like every single one of them is different and very tailored. Like it's not like a, you know, can you, can you fix pain by listening to one of these, these tracks? Or how does that work?

Well, can I fix it? Uh, you know what I can do— and here's the thing about pain, um, I, I, as I said before, pain can certainly be, be fixed and managed through hypnosis. But anybody who's experiencing pain, the first thing that you should do is go see a doctor.

Mm-hmm.

Um, because you, you want to rule out anything serious. Because pain, even though it's unpleasant initially, is also there to warn us that something may be wrong.

Yep.

And it's a signal. It's a signal, you know, it's really— that's all it is. It's a signal that something may be wrong, that we need to look at something. And so I would much rather, and I would be much more comfortable if it's just more of a, like a nagging, a chronic pain that It's like, okay, this is going to be an everyday thing.

Mm-hmm.

Then that can help you cope with that. Because I, I wouldn't, you know, want to tell someone, okay, yeah, you got a headache, just listen to this, and that could be something massively internally. Yeah. And I wouldn't want to be, you know, that would be a problem.

Yeah. So this, so the way that hypnotherapy could deal with pain though is that It's like, what, what's the process? Like, it acknowledges it, or it stops the, the communication between the source of the pain and your story that you're telling about it? Like, how does that work?

It's really a story that you're telling yourself.

Oh, okay.

Because a lot of times when you're in pain, you start breathing shallow, you know, in a sense, and start breathing, you know, on a shallow, heavy basis, and you start freaking out. I'm in pain, I'm in pain, I'm in pain. Which makes it, which can aggravate it. The emotions can actually intensify the signal a bit. And that's why, you know, a lot of times if we don't even think about it, you know, the, the pain will sometimes go away. Like, like something compels—

At the end of the day, you lay down and all of a sudden your leg hurts again, but you've been active all day and—

Right.

aware of it because you've been distracted, or reading a good book.

Exactly. So the main part, the purpose of it is just to distract the mind. Um, and, or at least take away the thing like, I notice it's there, but it's not going to bother me.

Yeah.

Anymore. It's there, but there's no charge to it. And, but I, I would say the first thing that, again, I'm just putting my ethical hat on is make sure, get a checkup, make sure everything's fine, that it's not like a warning signal of something serious. So, but yeah, and then that's, that's what it'll do. It just distracts you a bit.

And so pain's one thing. One of the things that I've found that holds people back is this imposter syndrome. And I think it, there is a foundation of fear, past stories, etc. Could you just talk to imposter syndrome and, I mean, you know, how you see with your clients or how, you know, from a psych— what was your PhD, Albert?

Well, my PhD was in psychology, but I did my dissertation on self-defeating behavior in performing artists, which a major theme was imposter syndrome.

Right. So, so talk to me about imposter syndrome. So, because it seems a lot of us have it and it's like, You know, they— the people who tell me that I'm good, what would they know? My family have to tell me I'm good. The strangers have to tell me that I'm good. I have to tell me, you know, that that's not the truth. Like, it seems like we're not taking the messages that could actually tell us that we're good.

Well, 100%, that's exactly what's going on. And we could often be told time and time again how great we are, you know, and we're more wired to focus on the negative. So let's say we give a presentation or, you know, you give a talk and you get evaluations at the end and maybe there were 90% of the audience told you they loved it, you know, just great talk, great presentation, but then you get another 10% that are a little bit critical, you know, offering their feedback, and maybe one or two that are downright saying they didn't like it.

Mm-hmm.

And one of the things that we have to train ourselves to do is to not be totally focused on the negative. And that— we do that a lot too. It's like we're so focused on that negative piece of feedback But neglecting the other, the good things that we receive. It's like those become not important anymore.

Hmm.

And I'm not sure why or how or why that came to be, but that's what happens. We often just negate the, the, you know, the, the, the good things, and we just focus on the negative. Now, that's important for our survival too.

Yeah.

Um, you know, hundreds of years ago when we were on hunter-gatherer and caveman days, we had to be, you know, alert and negative, like fast. And I still think our brain still has that pattern ingrained in us. Hmm.

So, yeah, it, it's interesting. Um, I, I think that It's almost like the brain or the mind— let's say the brain's a physio— physical kind of entity. The mind is there as soon as you've kind of unpacked one thing, which is like, okay, I'm fearful of something, I'm going to get out there, I'm going to get on stage, I'm going to do a presentation, I'm going to say hello to the person on the bus, I'm out there. And you get this positive reinforcement and the mind's like, oh, they got over fear.

Yeah.

I'm going to throw the next thing in there. Imposter syndrome. It wasn't real. And it's like there's this like a layering effect where, you know, the brain that is there and wired to protect us from all of those years is, is got these next levels and these next levels and these next levels, and we're just breaking through them. And I like the idea that hypnotherapy is like, okay, so what's the level are you up to at the moment? Let's kind of take away the mind, go into the brain, rewire this a little bit, and give you like the daily pump so that you're like, no, no, this is okay. The brain— the mind can't get in the way of the real picture of who I am and what I want to be.

Exactly. And the, the brain gets in the way all the time, and that's through fear too. And You know, our brain is really designed to protect us from danger. That's its job. And it's doing that.

Which is kind of like the pain mechanism too. It's like there's a dis-ease here. You need to deal with it. And so, you know, there is pain. But it's interesting. I've, um, I had some hip pain and I was, uh, seeing— and I'd seen osteos and physios and Pilates physios and chiropractors. And I, I, it was like the, um, what's that book? It's like the, the, the gold, The Alchemist. The gold was in my backyard. So there was a guy, it was like 2 doors down from my house, it was a chiropractor. And, you know, after years of looking for treatment, I went to him and he had this red light therapy.

Yeah.

And he was doing the red light therapy on my hips and I was like, yeah, this feels better. And, but it's still, you know, a bit clunky. And he said, oh, let me do it on your back. And so all I was doing, he had this like little wand and he was putting it on my back and he said, just move backwards and forwards, side to side. And, you know, I could go just to my knee and just to my knee. And then all of a sudden, he— I went all the way down to my toe. And I was like, what happened? And he said, ah, I think you've retained the story of pain because I took the red light off your back and put it up On your hippocampus or something? Wait, no, not amygdala. It was— it put it up.

The hippocampus. Yeah.

Put it up on your head because that's where the story was of the pain. You don't actually have any physiological problem here. It's— there's a story. So he actually, by actually doing the red light treatment on where the story was held, was the thing that released the pain.

Yeah.

Blew my mind.

Absolutely. Was it? And the hippocampus is a memory center, so, and that's where the stories would live, of course.

Interesting. Okay, so before we finish up, I want to just go back to your performing arts clients and, and where you spend a lot of your time, because there's— my husband's an artist and he was, you know, a consultant in the corporate role But he was doing all of these like little art courses on the weekend at night before he became a full-time artist. And what was interesting was there's this, there was a persona of the struggling artist, the, you know, the artist that—

The tortured young—

That didn't make money. And, you know, at lunchtime he'd go out to the cafe and get a focaccia and they'd all be like struggling with their 2-minute noodles waiting for the kettle to boil. There seemed to be, And correct me if I'm wrong, but I kind of get the feeling that it's almost an excuse or it's a, you know, something that you can hide behind, which is like an identity of like, this is just how it is. Is that something that you come up against or have I just imagined that?

No, it definitely is something you can hide against, you know, a lot of times. Well—

Like, we have to struggle. There's this struggling. Life is hard. If I take that from the stage and put it into our lives, it's like, look, life is hard. You have to grind. You have to hustle. This is the way it is. Like, there seems to be this story of lack, difficulty that a lot of people hold that is almost like a— it's like they state it as a fact. Well, you have to work for 40 years, 40 hours a week to retire on 40% of what you get, right? Like, that's just right.

Yeah.

So, but of course, you see that with artists. Is it a story they hold, or is there, you know, is there some truth behind it? How do you help them get through that?

Well, the important thing is, um, you know, I, I think it became romanticized for some reason, the starving artist. Yes. So It's about changing a narrative to you're a professional working actor or you're a thriving artist. Because when you change those simple language tweaks, that's kind of like an NLP thing with language. A lot of times it's just reframing it and changing the, the context and changing the reality of it. Because when you say you're a thriving artist, now your brain is going to keep hearing that over and over again. And it's now gonna work to make sure that's a reality.

Like that intention setting, really. So if you're saying I'm a starving artist, the world is gonna serve you up lack and the fact that you are. But if you state, you know, I am thriving, I create my own reality, I am the orchestrator of my life, I am the director, producer, actor, like this is me, there's no one pulling the strings. When you identify that in whatever modality way that you would do that— intention setting, meditation, hypnotherapy— that rewiring is actually a physical rewiring in the brain, right?

Yes, it really is. And it's creating reality for you. Because the interesting thing about if you really want to get that, you know, uh, really kind of, um, Tangent going there. We say memory is definitely not real, and maybe reality is not real. You know, that reality or stories that we're telling ourselves. So if we can change our thought processes, we can change our reality.

And the more you do it, my understanding is those neuroconnections almost build up at the more often, like a neurohighway, superhighway. So repetition is important, like what you're saying, these daily doses of maybe the hypnotherapy is important because we're building up this superhighway.

100%, yes. It's, it's, that's what you're doing. You're building your own heart, creating your own reality. It's just like when you get up in the morning and let's say you, maybe you stub your toe, you bang your head against the wall. Now all of a sudden you say, I'm having a bad day. And then now you're, you, you, you do something, maybe you didn't judge your direction or watch what step you're taking, you trip again. See, I'm having a bad day again. And so therefore—

And then you start looking for the third one because everything comes in threes.

Everything comes in— see, I told you. Well, what if you turned around and just made that conscious effort every day and saying, I'm having a great day.

I just hit my toe. That's all it is. It's over.

Exactly. It's over. One incident, you know, and, and that's the whole thing too, um, is getting in our own way. And I think the whole notion— I think really, I think the best way to kind of sum up this whole discussion is, you know, we're— we can get in our own way.

I love that concept of the memories are false, the reality you've created is false, and you're coming from that kind of memory box to create a narrative, a perspective of where you are now with your reality.

Mm-hmm.

And, you know, many, many years ago, I was an engineer, a mining engineer, and an explo— in the explosives industry. And I was picked as the one in Australia that was going to go to the US and learn how to do fatality investigations. And so I went to this course and they pulled in people from, you know, FBI and everywhere to teach us how to interview people about events. And one of the techniques that they taught us was to interview someone about their story, as you know. So for instance, I remember doing this and it wasn't a fatality. Someone drove a truck off a cliff and survived. But I was interviewing the person, and the idea was to interview them. So what happened? I was driving around the corner. Sun caught my eye. I you know drove off the cliff, and I was like, now take them back 24 hours beforehand. What happened? Oh, you know I've got a new baby. We didn't get much sleep, and you know my wife was really stressed, and I was running late for work, and da da da da da da. And you get more of a story. And then the other thing was then to take a 10,000-foot view. which was, what else was happening at that time? If you could be a bird and you could look at this happen, what happened? And that was when he, in this instance, this guy said, actually, from the pre-bit, he was like, oh, I wasn't comfortable with the wheel on the truck that morning, but I was running late.

Oh.

And so I didn't check the wheel. And there was all these rocks on the road. So I was actually trying to get around the rocks in case the wheel didn't have the integrity. And, you know, it blew. And the last thing was, yeah, there was a bit of sun. And so it actually gave a better perspective because we got them out of the story, which was the sun hit my eye and I fell off a cliff. And the reality was there was all these things that led up to it. And then this 10,000-foot view took the person out of the experience and allowed them to look around.

Mm-hmm.

And I think for me, that really, for the first time, allowed me to sit with the truth That we make up a story to explain a situation, but it may not have actually been what actually happened.

Right, exactly. It's a story. It's a story we're telling ourselves.

So if we're sitting here with stories, we've got fear, we've got anxiety, you know, living a life of abundance is not for me. It's the hustle. It's the struggle. You know, how I've lived so far is how I'm destined to live in the future. That can be broken. And I love the fact that, you know, of the most high-profile people who are ever going to be said, told, you know, you're not enough, you're not worthy, you're not, you don't get the job. You work with these people and you have these techniques to help them break through this. So hypnotherapy, yeah, you, it's really opened, and NLP, it's really opened my eyes to not just a reinforcement of the stories that we tell ourselves that hold us back and we're the ones that get in our own way. But there's a way to get through that veil and actually tap into the stories of how we can reprogram that. So such a gift speaking to you, Albert. I really, really appreciate it.

Well, thank you so much for having me.

Well, people can reach out to Albert on your website. So tell us your website again.

Sure. It's albertbramante.com. My name makes it easy. Of course, it's very easy to find me. And yeah, or reach out to me on LinkedIn. We'd love to connect with you.

Perfect. And I encourage you to go to the website, um, albertbernanti.com, and just— and I'll drop the links of wherever you're, you're listening or watching this, but, um, or just go to exitthematrix.today/albert, and I'll have the redirect there to make it even easier. But, you know, if, uh, this speaks to you and hypnotherapy is something you want to, to explore, Go to Albert's website, have a look at the different recordings he has there, and yeah, let us know how it goes for you. So once again, thank you so much, Albert. I really, really appreciate our time together.

Well, thank you so much again.

And as always, here's to your success. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success. Make sure you subscribe to future episodes at www.exitthematrix.io. Until next time, here's to your success.