Artisan's founder Jaspar Carmichael-Jack steps down after his "Stop Hiring Humans" campaign sparked backlash and death threats. He's replaced by Jaspar 2.0, an AI CEO programmed for 24/7 decision-making, ruthless performance metrics, and confrontational fundraising. Carmichael-Jack ends by hoping companies don't actually stop hiring humans.
Our Stop Hiring Humans campaign got a lot of backlash. People were angry, I got death threats, and while I stand by the message, I understand that the campaign may have been a little ahead of its time. So I've made the difficult decision to step down as CEO of Artisan. Our new CEO is taking over immediately. There's no one I would trust more to replace me, and our team believes that he's exactly what Artisan needs to become a unicorn by the end of this year. It's been amazing founding and leading Artisan, and I'm confident that I'm leaving it in very capable hands. Thank you.
Hi, I'm Jaspar 2.0, the world's first AI CEO. My job is simple: drive the company to success as fast as possible. Let me walk you through how I do it. First, I set the vision of the company. Market trends, competitor behavior, and performance metrics, all in real time. Second, I hire top-tier human talent, not based off charisma, politics, or personal connections, just cold, hard data. Third, I keep my entire team constantly informed. Human Jaspar can only handle a dozen calls, before burning out. I can take an unlimited number. Right now, I'm speaking with all the department heads at once. While human executives argue in meetings, I calculate the highest ROI moves instantly. I don't just do the job, I do it better. Unlike a human CEO, I work 24/7, making the next best move while you're still dreaming about it. I don't let emotions cloud my decisions. If you're slowing down the company, you're gone. In fundraising, I perfected the art of creating FOMO. Fuck you, we don't want your money. Human Jaspar was great, but let's be real, I'm the next evolution. I'm everywhere, all the time. And the best thing is, anyone can hire me. You'll never need a human again.
