Coach Jay, a clinical hypnosis practitioner, argues that feelings drive behavior change more than willpower. Most people know what to do but lack the internal desire. His approach reshapes how clients feel about themselves so motivation becomes intrinsic, not dependent on external approval.
Chapters
Everybody's having a phenomenal day, man. Yeah, hopefully everybody's having a phenomenal day. Had a good weekend, recharged, starting the week on a high. You starting on a low, I don't know what to tell you. You should have tapped in yesterday, man. But let's take it from the top, man. You could be doing, have anything you desire, anything. Your only limit in life is your own imagination. If you could think it, you can do it. If you could feel it, you're gonna do it on accident. So I guess, um, that means we better be careful what we think and pick our feelings on purpose. You got to get intentional with your feelings. You got to stop just waiting to see how you feel and start putting thought into your feelings because your feelings create your life. Your willpower has to pass through the filter of your feelings. Your logic and reason has to pass through the filter of how you feel. Okay, most of my clients when I first meet them, it's not they don't know what to do; it's they is that they don't feel like doing it. If you want to lose weight, you know to move your body more, take in less calories than you burn, drink more water, get at you know how to lose weight. You know, you know the you know the recipe. You know the formula. You know you got to push those carbs away and get more protein in your body. You know this. And even if you don't know, it's as simple as get on ChatGPT. It's never a what-to-do problem. It's a I don't feel like doing it. Okay, so when we start— like, when my clients are working with me, what we're working on is how they feel. If you come to me because you are a smoker and you want to be a non-smoker, it's not my goal to make you stop smoking because I have— I don't care about the physical act of smoking. My priority is to help you feel like a non-smoker. If you offer somebody who feels like a non-smoker a cigarette, you're liable to get cursed out. Hell no, I don't want no cancer stick. Now if you ask somebody who feels like a smoker would they like a cigarette, yeah man, you gotta light. The goal is never to change the behavior, the goal is always to change the feeling. But through changing the feeling, you accidentally change the behavior. Going for the behavior is rigid, you bypassing the neurology that created the behavior. You sitting It's not impossible, but it's definitely the scenic route. You can change by targeting behavior, but it's hard. I want to change how you feel. I want to change what you see when you look in the mirror. And when you change that, you will accidentally start to develop new habits. So get clear about what you want. What is it that you want? And don't confuse what you want with a checklist of things that you got to do to get what you want. Okay, don't confuse going to the gym with 3 times a week. That's not what you want. I'm not saying you can't do that. What's going on? I'm not saying you can't do that, but I'm saying that's not what you want. What you might want is to look good naked. What you might want is stamina for adult activities. What you might want is to live longer. So we always going to start with what you want, and we gonna program the body to feel like it's already moving in that direction. And when I already feel like I got a lot of life ahead of me, When I already feel sexy, when I already feel like I look good, like I got something to live for, it's so much easier to get me to the gym. But when I feel like things never work out for me and it's not gonna work anyway, and everybody in my family is big-boned, it's a waste of time, it never works, it's damn near impossible to get me in the gym. So we got— well, my goal is always to change feeling first. And when we change feeling, the behavior has no choice but to follow the feeling. Think about it. When you feel sad, you'll do sad on accident. When you feel happy, you will accidentally do happy. When you feel scared, you accidentally do scared. When you feel hot, you accidentally sweat. When you feel cold, you accidentally shiver. Your body is gonna respond to feeling. If you feel motivated, if you feel like the type of person who can figure things out, if you feel like that person will always land on their feet, if you feel like the type of person who can make something out of nothing, you gonna find a way. Your body is going to align with that feeling. But at the same time, if you feel like the type of person that things never worked out for, if you feel like the type of person that has bad luck, you're gonna find a way to screw things up. The body is following the feeling. Change the feeling. So the question I want to pose to you for today is, how do you need to feel so that you accidentally do the things that you need to do to have the life that you want to have? What feelings do you need to practice that if you learned how to hold these feelings long term, you'll accidentally Start going to the gym. You'll accidentally start working on yourself as a speaker, start working on yourself as an entrepreneur. You'll accidentally polish yourself and show up different. What feelings do you need to feel so that you become that version of you on accident? Master the feeling. And what I love about mastering feelings is you can master a feeling in your bed. You can master a new feeling in your recliner. You can master a new feeling in an airplane on the way to visit your family. You don't got to be at a gym to master your feelings. You don't got to be in a therapist's office to practice a new feeling. You could practice a new feeling anytime, anywhere, any place. Start practicing on feeling. Start working on feeling different. Start working on feeling that if you can think it, you can do it. If you can feel it, you'll do it on accident. So we just really starting to do a lot of going live on YouTube. So a lot of you guys might not know me, man. I'm Coach Jay. I coach bosses. My background is in clinical hypnosis, but I work with a lot of entrepreneurs, high performers, athletes. I'm a firm believer that every problem is a thinking problem. I don't care if you want to make more money. I don't care if you want to lose weight. I don't care if you want to stop doing something. I don't care if you want to start doing something. If you change the thinking and the feeling, the behavior will take care of itself. That's what I do with my clients, man. I help them change the way they think, which changes the way they feel, which changes the way they show up in the world. And you show up different, you, you do different. I don't care what problem you have in your life, it's a thinking problem. The thing that we call the problem is really the presenting— that's the presenting issue, but it's not the problem, it's a symptom of the problem. The, the problem is always inner. The problem is never outer. Now, an inner problem is going to spread to outer, but it's an inner problem. Something happened in here before the debt showed up. Something happened in here before the marriage Started to feel the way it feels. Something happened in here before the extra weight showed up. Everything has a root cause. And this the dope part, we ain't even got to unpack and understand the cause at a high level. We just got to figure out what you need to start doing internally so that you stop doing this thing that you're doing externally. Like, we can sit down and take a session or two to figure out why you overeat. We can if you want to, or We can start feeling that. How do we build the behavior of putting the fork down when you're full? How do we build a behavior of 3 square meals a day with 2 snacks in between? How do we build that behavior? And we just start building the behavior. And if we make this new neurology, if we make this new neural cluster exciting to the subconscious mind, if we make it sexy, if we make it appealing— like, think about it, you don't got to try to be attracted to something you're attracted to. You don't gotta try to be attracted to somebody you're attracted to. If anything, sometimes you might have to try to not be attracted to things you're attracted to because it'll tear up something else that you got going on. But all we got— we got to make the goal attractive. We got to make the goal appealing to your nervous system. If we just make the goal appealing, procrastination will be the least of your worries. I'm at a point in my life where I don't got to use willpower to start working. I got to use willpower to stop. I don't got to use willpower to get in the office. I got to use willpower to say, all right, I did enough today, I got to go home. But what we did is we made the goal shiny. We made the goal something that we actually wanted, and we got selfish when we set the goal. The goal wasn't about looking good for others. The goal wasn't about impressing people. I need a goal that impresses me. I don't give a damn if my goals impress you. I need my goal to impress me. Because if my goal impressed me, guess what? I'm gonna go for it. If my goal impressed you, I got to use willpower to go for it. If my goal impressed me, I can't wait. I wake up every morning excited to get to it. I wake up every morning excited to meditate, excited to get into my office, excited to talk to my clients, excited to make content and work on marketing because I got a goal that excites me. So that's another question I got for you. Does your goal excite you? I don't care how your mom feels about the goal. I don't care how your dad feels about your goal. I don't care how your partner feels about your goal. Not saying that they don't matter, but in order for you to show up every day the way that you need to show up, this goal needs to be appealing to you. This needs to be attractive to you. It needs to be sexy to you. You need to find something you like about this goal so that we can hyperfocus on it and really get you moving. If you can think it, you can do it. If you can feel it, you will do it on accident. You don't got to change the way you act. We got to change the way you feel. You change the way you feel, watch out. Think about it. When you feel angry, you do and say things on accident that you don't do and say when you feel happy. Then when you feel happy, you do and say things when you feel happy that you don't do and say when you feel like— when you feel successful, it's some things you're gonna do and say when you feel successful that you won't do and say when you feel like a failure. Failure. And when you feel like a failure, some things that you gonna do and say that you wouldn't dare do and say when you feel successful. We got to learn how to feel successful before the external change. You can't wait on that to change to say, okay, now I've arrived. You got to go, okay, now I've arrived, and wait on it to catch up. You got to understand, God gave men dominion over the world. God didn't give the world dominion over men. God gave men dominion over the world. Why are you looking out there into this thing
