In this live YouTube session, Jay Shaw (Coach Jay) explains why many people find affirmations and vision boards ineffective and introduces his 5C success framework—Clarity, Calibration, Confidence, Competence, Consistency—to fix the problem. He argues that affirmations do not directly change external results; they first rewire the inner self. When people focus on what they don’t want, they trigger the "law of reverse action"—the harder they try, the more they fail. The session walks through each C: 1. Clarity – defining a concrete, positive goal rather than a negative avoidance statement. 2. Calibration – continuously directing attention to the desired outcome, allowing subconscious confidence to arise automatically. 3. Confidence – built through repeated calibration, not by willful self‑talk. 4. Competence – taking action only after the first three Cs are solid. 5. Consistency – maintaining the cycle daily. Shaw illustrates these ideas with hypnosis analogies, energetic affirmations (silent internal affirmations), the role of the reticular activation system in filtering perception, and the distinction between willpower (conscious control) and mind‑discipline (subconscious habit formation). He also promotes practical resources: a free clarity worksheet, a paid "Golden Ticket" membership, and a weekly Zoom Q&A for deeper work. Throughout, he emphasizes that true manifestation is an internal shift that later manifests externally, and that quality engagement (focused, purposeful followers) matters more than vanity metrics.
Chapters
Journal and it's not working. This is the live for you, man. We're gonna give people time to get in here. We're gonna give people time to get in here, figure out what we're talking about, get the algorithms time to push us out. Happy Friday, everybody, man. Happy Friday. We're about to have a real good time in here. We're about to talk about affirmations, why they might not be working, how to iron out the kinks. And not even just affirmations, we're gonna go a little bit deeper than affirmations. We're gonna talk about manifesting as a whole, get into what manifesting is and what manifesting Is it? What's going on, Mitch? What's up, Royal? Yeah, man, y'all get on in here, man. Tap the like, share the screen, hit that follow button if you haven't already. And for people who just coming in, we're gonna be talking about affirmations, why they might not be working. We're gonna be talking about the process of manifesting, what manifesting is, what manifesting isn't. We're gonna be talking about how to turn your thoughts into things. I'm a firm believer that you could be doing, have anything you desire, anything you desire. If you can think it, you can do it. Now, if you can't think it, you can't do it. We're gonna be getting into the 5C process: clarity, calibration, confidence, competence, consistency. I know I said them fast. Don't worry. We're gonna go through them. We're gonna break them down. How y'all doing this morning? Get on in here, man. We're gonna talk about why those affirmations aren't working. We're gonna talk about why that vision board isn't working. If that's you, if you somebody who been doing those affirmations, who been staring at that vision board, who been writing in that journal, but you still feel like you're not getting the results that you want. Let it be known. Say something in the comments, man. Say me. Say me if that's you. That's something you dealing with, man. I'm doing affirmations. I'm doing the work. I'm doing those meditations. I'm not getting the life I want. It's like the harder I try, the harder I fail. We call that the law of reverse action, by the way. We know what that is. What's up, J Smooth? What's up, Rose? What's up, Toki? How y'all doing this morning, man? We're talking about affirmations this morning. I'm primarily speaking to people who've been doing the affirmations and they not working. I mean, I'm staring at the vision board. I sit down every year, I do my vision board, I get clear on what I want. It's not working. I don't have it yet. If that's you, you're gonna want to stick around. Also, let's share the live out to a few people. What's up, Toki? Let's share the live out to a few people. Help me get this live in front of as many eyeballs as possible. We're gonna get started here briefly. We're just giving people time to get in because I don't want to do is we get started, then, then the algorithm start pushing us, and now we got all these people coming in and we already knee-deep in our subject matter. What's up, Regina? What's up, Chrissy? This your first time here? I'm Coach Jay. My background is in clinical hypnosis. I help people turn their thoughts into things. You trashed the vision board? We gonna talk about it, man. I help people turn their thoughts into things. Every problem is a thinking problem. I don't care what type of problem. I don't care if it's a more money problem. I don't care if it's a less weight problem. I don't care if it's a better relationship problem. The key to changing it is thinking different. And we notice people— what's going on, family— so busy trying to change what's going on out there that they forget to change what's going on in here. One of the first tips that I'm gonna give you about affirmations is that affirmations don't change out there. What affirmations do— the purpose of affirmations is to change what's going on in here. Understand that the affirmation don't change your bank account. The affirmation change you, and then this new you is going to change the bank account. The affirmation doesn't change your marriage. The affirmations change your belief around the marriage. The affirmations rewire your mental around the marriage. Now you show up in the marriage different. Now the marriage going to function different. But a lot of times people would do the affirmations, then check the bank account and go, oh, it's not working. They'll do the affirmation, then look at for the result. Go, it's not work. The affirmation doesn't change the result. The affirmation changes you. The affirmation doesn't make the load lighter. The affirmation makes you stronger. So you got to stop measuring whether or not your affirmations work or working based on what's going on out there. The affirmation doesn't change out there. It changes you. Okay. Listen, you can be, do, and have. Anything you desire. Your only limit in life is your own imagination. And in this live, we're going to talk about how to turn your thoughts into things. So look, check this out. We over here on YouTube and we over here on TikTok. My people on YouTube, I need you to hit that subscribe button. I need y'all to be active in the comments. If you got questions, ask them. If you got comments, put them in the chat. The rug. So okay, Ric Flair, what's up over here on TikTok? Y'all good, man? I need y'all tapping the screen. I need y'all interactive. Don't let YouTube outdo y'all and follow on both platforms. platforms, man. Everything is iCoachBosses. So do I got any people in here that's been doing the affirmations, that's been putting in the work? What's going on, Living? Doing the vision boards, but you just feel like it's not working. Appreciate the likes, A-Town. You feel like it's not working, and it's not because of lack of effort. It's not because of— Jay, I do, I do what I'm supposed to do. I'm doing my affirmations, I'm doing my vision board, I'm doing everything. It's not working, and I'm fed up. I'm thinking about giving up. I'm thinking it's just not meant to be. I'm thinking I might— I must have did something horrible in a past life and it's just not meant to be. I'm thinking it's not in the cards for me. Okay, so the biggest reason that we see affirmations not working— how many of y'all familiar with my 5C process? Are y'all familiar with my 5C process in here? Because if not, we're gonna have to go through the 5C process real quick for the things we're about to talk about to really make sense. People who just joining in, we talking about why those affirmations might not be Working. We talking about why those vision boards might not be working. We're gonna give you the tools to iron all of that out. So it's looking like y'all not familiar with the 5C process. So I teach a success formula that I call the 5Cs. The first C is clarity, and the reason that the first C is clarity is because you can't get what you want until you know what you want. Okay, a lot of people have no idea what they want. They know what they don't want, but knowing what you don't want is not the same thing as knowing what you would like to have. Knowing that you don't want to be fat is not the same thing as saying, I want to weigh 175 pounds. I want to wear a large in shirts. I want to wear a 34 in jeans. I want to be fit. I want to be energetic. I want to be healthy. You see the clarity in that versus I don't want to be fat. Knowing what you don't want is not the same thing as knowing what you do want. Knowing that you don't want to be poor is not the same thing as saying, hey, I want to generate $5,000 a week. Not only do I want to generate $5,000 a week, I want to generate $5,000 a week doing something I love. I want to generate $5,000 a week doing something that doesn't feel like work. I want to generate $5,000 a week motivating people. I want to generate $5,000 a week from the comfort of my own home. I want to be able to work from anywhere in the world as long as I got my iPad. You see the difference in I don't want to be poor and I want to generate $5,000 a week doing what I love? I want to generate $5,000 a week focusing on my passion. So that's the first thing we got to do. We got to get clear about what we want. Now realize oftentimes it's what you don't want that gives birth to what you do want. I used to be in the military before I started doing what I do now. And when I was in the military, a few years after, I don't like this. I can't grow my beard. I can't wear my jewelry. I can't get tattoos where I want. I can't live where I want. I gotta ask to go home and visit. I don't like this. They could send me anywhere they want to send. I want freedom. I want choice. I want the amount of money I make to be connected to my creativity and passion. I don't want my money connected to how many stripes on my shirt. What I didn't want was helping me to get clear about what I would rather have. So the way that I teach people to get clarity is look at what you don't want and ask yourself the magic question: What would I rather have? And a lot of times we find people doing affirmations, but they haven't did this first step, which is clarity. So you're out here affirming, but you affirming from under the influence of what you don't want. You're out here doing your affirmations, but your goal is I don't want to be fat. You doing affirmations, but your goal is I don't want to be poor. You haven't put a target in place. So you doing affirmations, but where is the goal that the affirmations are supposed to be getting you to? Where are the goal? What's the goal that the affirmations are supposed to be rewiring you for? It's like you coming to me for hypnosis, and you walk in the office, and you say, "Hey, I don't want to be sad no more." I say, "One, two, three, close your eyes, deep sleep," and I start hypnotizing you. To not be sad anymore. Now you open your eyes, you're not sad anymore, but you're not blissful neither. You're not happy neither. You're not motivated to it. You inspired. You got to get clear about what you want. You got to have what we call a well-formed outcome. So step one, figure out what is your well-formed outcome. What do I want? When do I want it? How will I know when I get it? What additional resources do I need to get it? What resources do I already have that's going to help me get it? Who do I want to take with me? What do I want my marriage to look like as I build this thing? What do I want my friendships to look like as I build this thing? Do I want to build a business and lose my marriage? No, I want to keep my marriage and build it. I want to breathe life into my marriage as I get clear about what you want, crystal clear about what you want. Is that making sense? Okay, now that we get clear about what we want, our second C It's calibration. Somebody put calibration in the chat for me. Let's see who gonna win. Let's see if YouTube gonna get it up first or if TikTok gonna get it up first. Somebody put calibration in the chat for me. Yeah, I'm a little stuffy like a crazy person. I fell asleep without a shirt on and I'm a little congested, so pardon my voice. Still with me. What's up, Cam? What's up, Miles? People who just joining in, We talking about affirmations. We talking about why they might not be working for you. There we go. Oh, I feel great, A Town. We just we just sound a little funny. Might have to lean over and blow my nose a few times. But um yeah, we feel good. All right. So calibration. TikTok one, by the way, y'all. What's going on, Levin? So calibration is about. Putting your attention on what you want. Calibration is about rewiring your brain. Think about it. When you calibrate to a funny movie, you don't got to try to laugh. You just got to calibrate to the movie. If you calibrate to a sad movie, you don't got to try to get sad. You just got to calibrate to the movie, right? If you calibrate to a scary movie, you don't got to try to get scared. You just got to calibrate to the movie. Now, when you do step one, you get clear about what you want. You know what you want, you know how you want it, you know when you want it, you know the additional resources that you need to get it. You know what you want and you start calibrating to that. What's gonna happen is you're gonna start getting inspired on accident. You're gonna start getting confident on accident. You're gonna find your shoulders going back, your chest going out, and your chin going up on accident. And that's the place that you should be manifesting from. That's the place that you should be, uh, doing these affirmations from. That's the place that you should be doing these vision boards from. But if you haven't got the clarity and haven't started to calibrate to that clarity and you're doing those affirmations, you're going to be running into something that we call the law of reversed action. And the law of reversed action states the harder you try, the harder you fail. I'm going to give you a little rundown on like when we're doing entertainment hypnosis. If you go far enough down the YouTube channel, you'll see videos of me like Hypnotizing people and sticking them to the ground and telling them they can't get up. Let me tell you a little bit about how we do that. So at the root of what's going on is I build a whole a lot of clarity around being stopped. I might hypnotize deep sleep all the way down, lay them on the ground, and I might say something like, listen to my voice. And as you listen to my voice, you notice a really peculiar thing. The more words I use, the heavier your body gets. Every word that I say Every syllable that I utter, your body gets heavier and heavier and heavier. In fact, every time I snap my finger, you can feel your body get 20 times heavier. Nod your head if you can feel that. That's right, of course you can feel that, because your body gets so heavy, so, so heavy. It's like each one of your legs weigh 2,000 pounds, and your torso weighs another 5,000 pounds, and your head weighs 1,000. Nod your head when you can feel that. I can That's feel that. right. And I want you to try to get up and notice that you can't. Notice that the harder you try to get up, the heavier your body becomes. It's so heavy. Then that person tries to get up and they realize that their body is too heavy to get up. What did I do? I gave them a lot of clarity around their body being stuck. I gave them details. I gave them sensory language around their body being stuck. I gave them metaphors around their body being stuck. I fed them a heavy dose of their body being stuck. I say, try to get up and notice that You can't because your body is so heavy. I went 98% body man stuck, 2% get up. 98% heavy body, body stuck to the ground so heavy. And I'm using my tone, I'm using my words, I'm using my energy. I'm communicating way beyond my 5 senses to stick their body to the ground. And all they gotta— it don't take magic. All they gotta do is follow me. If you could watch a movie and laugh, if you could watch a movie and cry, You could have that experience, but I'm putting all of the clarity on what I want to happen. Then I'm putting very little clarity on what I don't want to have. Try to get up and notice that you can't because your body is so heavy. How many times do you like you do these affirmations, but the affirmations are the two percent? The affirmations is your version of try to get up, notice that you can't because life is so hard, and this person is in the White House, and I don't like my job, and and I'm gonna try to do it, but it's not gonna work. So make sure you're not using that same tool that I would use to stick somebody to the ground to stick yourself to a particular situation in life. Does that make sense? Make sure you're not spending all day going, life is so hard, I can't win for losing, I've tried this and I've tried that. And then I get on the phone, I talk about my friend, same old, same old. Yup, yup, job still. Now let me do— now let me take 5 minutes and do my affirmation. Not gonna work. 5 minutes is not gonna undo 16 hours of horrible thinking. 5 minutes is not gonna override decades of shitty thinking. Is this making sense? So I want— we want to make sure we get clear about what we want. Got to get clarity about what we want. Not, I don't want to be poor, I want to make $7,000 a month. I want to make $7,000 a month doing things that are important to me. And believe it or not, that's not even enough clarity. You're gonna keep building momentum on that. People who got the Golden Ticket, if you go into the courses on the Golden Ticket, you're gonna see a 35-module workshop on clarity. Do that. Do that 35-module workshop so that you can get the details that you need, so that you should get the clarity that you need, so that your affirmations can actually begin to work. Okay, so we talked about clarity. After we get clarity, we start calibrating to our clarity. That calibration is about focusing on it. Calibration is about putting your attention on it. And as you keep focusing on what you want, not what you don't want, as you keep focusing on what you want, you're gonna find yourself starting to feel confident. You're gonna find yourself starting to feel motivated. You're gonna find yourself starting To move closer to what you want, even if it's just energetically. But energetically is everything, okay? And from that place, from that clear, calibrated, confident place, that's where I want you doing the affirmations from. That's where you start looking at the vision board. But when you staring at the vision board while under the influence of what you don't want, you stirring up that law of reverse action. You laying on the ground and you trying to get up, but you noticing your body. Is so heavy because all of the thinking, all of the programming, all of the clarity is still in the unwanted. You got to put your clarity in what you want. You got to take your clarity out of what you don't want and put your clarity into what you do want. Just making sense. You'll take your clarity out of not enough money and put your clarity into not— into more than enough money because your faith follows your clarity. Your confidence follows your clarity. So, so many times I meet people, they can tell, they can dot every i and cross every t as they tell me what they don't want. When they telling me what's wrong with their life, they never run out of words. But this, I say, okay, so what do you want? Oliver Short and Wee Short on, I just want to be happy. You don't get to give me this 500-page novel on what you don't want. Then we start talking about what you do want. I want to be happy. Can you see why one is taking all of your energy and all of your focus and your life is falling that way? That's where your clarity is. So I want you to say this out loud just so you can lock it in. My faith and my confidence follows my clarity. I want you to understand that about yourself. Your faith and your confidence follows your clarity. And when your faith and your confidence is in what you don't want, you can do affirmations till you blue in the face. They not gonna work. When your faith and your confidence is in not enough money, you can do all the millionaire affirmations that you want. Your result is gonna follow your faith and your confidence. One of my favorite things to do is what I call energetic affirmations. Coach, somebody say Coach Jay, what's an energetic affirmation? I ain't telling y'all unless y'all ask. But I love doing these affirmations because they work. They is one of the quickest ways to recalibrate myself. It's one of the quickest ways to get myself in the frame of mind that I need to be in to create the result that I want to create. Guys, I'm gonna say it till I'm blue in the face because it's true. You could be, do, and have anything you desire. Swarthy Sage, y'all, because I wasn't gonna tell y'all till somebody asked. Y'all way too lazy in these comments. This is not a podcast. This this is a live stream. We got the podcast if you want the podcast, but when I go live, I go live because I want to talk to y'all. I go live because I want to interact with y'all. I go live because I want to meet y'all. It's one thing to reply to the comments under the videos. I go live because I want to talk to y'all back and forth right here right now. So energetic affirmation is I give you an example of me doing energetic affirmations without saying anything at all, without opening my mouth. I would say, man, I got reliable transportation in my garage. It's just my internal dialogue. I got reliable transportation in my garage. I might grab my stomach and go, obviously I'm not missing no meals. I'm doing all of this in my head. I got a beautiful family, gorgeous family. I, I got my dreams. I do what I love for a living. I do what I love for living. Oh man, it got so much more momentum than when it first— this is me in my head just noticing, affirming my wealth, affirming how rich I already— it's money in my bank account right now. I made $1,200 yesterday. I'm in my— not my mouth isn't moving, but I'm in my mind affirming my wealth. I might be the luckiest man in the world. I got my dream job. I went from being in the military, hating what I did, to waking up every day getting to do something that I choose to do. Getting out of bed when I want to get out of bed, getting back into bed when I want to get back in. Man, without using the word, I'm in my internal consciousness affirming my wealth. Does that make sense? If you want to get your marriage back on track, I want you to stop. Because what you got to understand is words don't create, they point. And you can be saying the right words, but if you connect to the wrong feeling as you say— imagine you say to your partner, I love you. I love you. Like, you said I love you, but what did your energy say? What did your— what was your internal dialogue as you said it? And a lot of times we see that with people doing affirmations. They doing the lip service. They saying what they supposed to be saying, but they not plugged into the right feeling as they saying it. God don't speak English. Source doesn't speak English. It speaks energy. So if you think those words gonna save you from feeling crappy, you're not. So if you want to affirm wealth, I— you better, man. I got a refrigerator with food in it right now. It might not be no steak in there, might not be no lobster in there, but man, I could eat sandwiches right now. I got options. I could do PB&J, I could do a ham and cheese, I could do an egg salad. Man, you better start becoming— like, when you look up the word manifest, have you ever looked up the word manifest? The word manifest literally means to make obvious to the mind. It doesn't mean to hope for. It doesn't mean to wish for. It means to make obvious to the mind. When you're manifested, what what are you making obvious to your mind? You could be doing all these money affirmations. What's obvious to your mind? What does your mind go on accident when you're not using it on purpose? What what are you making obvious to your mind? If you manifesting health. Let's say you got a bad kidney. You better, but you you want to change. I got I got ten fingers. I can see. I can really see. I can see my iPad right here. I can see my phone right. I can see my. I got two eyes that work, man. Do you know the amount of miracles that got to happen for this to connect to my brain and be able to translate the light? I can see. I can smell. I can taste. Now, you getting so focused on what's working that for a moment in time you're distracting yourself from what's not working. You don't forget something by trying to forget something. You don't take your attention off. So, Jay, I'm just supposed to not think about my kidney? Now, you're not supposed to not think about your kidney. You're supposed to get so busy thinking about something else that you forget to think about your kidney. Because if you try not to think about your kidney, that's not gonna work. Like if I say, hey, don't think about a pink elephant, before you know it, you're thinking about a pink elephant. And the harder you try not to think about a pink elephant, the more you find that pink elephant getting bigger in your awareness. So the way that you stop thinking about a pink elephant is you get busy thinking about a blue tiger. Appreciate the roses, Swarthy. You get busy thinking about a green pig, and you get so busy thinking about the other thing that you ain't got no consciousness left for that thing that you need to get your attention off of. What's working in your life? Show gratitude for that. Latch on to that, and then we're gonna start affirming from that place. Any questions based on anything we talked about right so far? Is this stuff making sense? This stuff not complicated, is it? This is doable stuff. We got to realize that people that we look at and say, "Oh, they're successful." Oh, they they must be magical. They're not magical. They have processes that work. They're not magical. They have processes that work. Get you some processes that work and work them. Get you some processes that work and work them. And understand, we, we still talking about stage 2, which is calibrate. Calibration doesn't change— good morning, Houston in the building, let's go! The calibration doesn't change your circumstance. The calibration changes you, and this new you is going to attract a new circumstance. Sometimes my girlfriend might walk in the house and she's clearly in a horrible mood, clearly pissed off about something, and I didn't— I don't, I don't know what it is because I didn't do nothing to her, but she's clearly on a— she's on a rampage right now. I can either calibrate to her and her energy, now we arguing, going back and forth, or I could take just a moment to say, okay, let's get clear about what I want. I want to have fun. I wanted to be lighthearted and fun around here. I want to play some board games. I want to watch a movie. I want to indulge in some adult activity. I'm gonna get clear about what I want, and I'm gonna get calibrated to what I want. I'm gonna put my attention on what I want. I'm gonna take conscious control over my imagination, and then I'm gonna respond to her. I'm gonna say, come here, Angry Bird. What's going on? Who made my baby mad? I need to You know how delete people behind you. Who who ruining your day? What's going on? Why you next thing you know she's smiling. Next thing you know she's had an energy shift. What happened? I got calibrated to what I wanted. I got clear about what I wanted because I can't calibrate without clarity. I figured out what I wanted. Then I got calibrated to what I wanted, and I kept calibrating until I became confident in what I wanted, and then I started affirming to her. But if she walk in the house and I notice she mad, and just from that notice that she mad, just from that responding in the house she talking to me, I start trying to fix it. I can't fix it from there. I can't fix it until I get calibrated to the outcome I want. Those affirmations not going to work until you get calibrated to the outcome you want. Make sense? Reasonable stuff. Clarity is the first step. Get clear about what you want. After you get clear about what you want, you calibrate to what you want, and you keep calibrating. You calibrate over and over and over and over and over again. As you keep calibrating, you accidentally become confident in what you want, and from that confident place, you do what we call competence. That's where you take action. What's going on, bros? How you doing? Hey, my people on YouTube, man, make sure y'all hit that Subscribe button. Make sure y'all check out that huge library of content. If you like what we talking about, you'll never run out of content, man. We got hundreds of videos on YouTube. Check them out. My people on TikTok, make sure you hit that follow button. Make sure y'all over here tapping the screen and follow me on both. It's iCoachBoss. These the three C's. It's two more though, Sworthy. It's two more. The fourth C. It's competence. A lot of times we see people try to treat step 4 like step 1. This is where a lot of people get hung up on those affirmations. They out here affirming, but they unclear, uncalibrated, and unconfident. This is where a lot of people get mixed up on the vision boards and wonder why the business board— good morning, Ricky— not working. They unclear, they uncalibrated, they unconfident. Imagine if I was on this live talking to you guys and I was unclear, unclear, uncalibrated, and uncomfortable. Would you stick around? Imagine you take your car to a mechanic and he unclear, uncalibrated, and uncomfortable. But man, it might be the motor, but, um, I really don't know, and I ain't really got the equipment that I need to, to hook it up and be for sure. Um, Oh no. What I can do is, um, I don't know. Let me think of— you finna leave your car with this person? Imagine you at your doctor, he want to do a surgery on you. You're like, hey, um, so you got a problem? I don't— I'm not sure. I don't know. I really don't know. You finna let this person operate on you? You got to get clear about what you want. Know what you want. That's step one. Not figure out how to get it. Not say, is it possible? Is it impossible? Not judge it. Figure out what you want. Then when you figure out what you want, you're gonna start putting your attention on what you want. Start focusing on what you want. When you put your attention on a funny movie, you laugh on accident. Okay? When you put your attention On a sad movie, you get sad on accident. Okay? When you put your attention on an action movie, you get excited on accident. When you put your attention on what you don't want, you get anxious on accident. You feel overwhelmed on accident. You feel depressed on accident. You procrastinate on accident. But when you put your attention on what you want, when you calibrate to what you want, you get inspired on accident. You get motivated on accident. You throw your shoulders back and your chin up on accident. You start coming up with really good ideas on accident. That makes sense. So get clear, then calibrate. And you're gonna keep calibrating. You're gonna keep calibrating. You're gonna keep putting your attention on what you want. You're gonna keep focusing on what you want. I use hypnosis to help my clients calibrate. That's my background. I'm a hypnotist. But I'm gonna keep calibrating them to what they want. Until they become confident in what they want. That's the third C, confidence. And from that clear, calibrated, confident place, that's where they do the affirmations from. That's where they do the vision boards from. That's where they start planning from. So step 4 is competence. That's where you take action. Don't take action without clarity, calibration, and confidence. You got to get clear, calibrated, and confident, and then take action. So I'm not saying don't build a website. I'm saying get clear, calibrated, and confident, and then build your website. In 2024, we helped a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of new entrepreneurs, and one of the things we would do is we would go through their websites and, you know, tell them, hey, you got to change that. This H1 tag should not be your name. It should be what your people are typing into Google. This H2 tag should— and we, you know, we would help them get their websites together. But a lot of these websites, I would be a third of the way through website and I had no idea what these people did. I didn't know if they did taxes, if they were financial planners, if they were selling insurance, if they were more— I'm like, I'm a third of the way through the website and I don't know what's going on. What do you do? And that lets me know that when they built their website, they were unclear, uncalibrated, and unconfident. And they want— they wonder why their business is not working. And what they doing is, okay, I'm gonna go get another certification, and this next certification is going to change it. That certification is not going to give you clarity, calibration, and confidence. I'm gonna go work with a marketer and that— okay, working with a marketer is great, but you still gonna need some clarity, some calibration, and confidence. And a good marketer is gonna interview you and, you know, help you to get clear on that message. But somebody who just know how to look— make stuff look good and don't understand human psychology isn't gonna say, okay, first thing we got to do, what's going on, Jonas? Get you Clear, calibrated, and confident. Bro, I'm telling you, clarity, calibration, and confidence gives you so much leverage in any situation. One clear, calibrated, confident person will outwork thousands of other people. It will be a one-man band who clear, calibrated, and confident, and you'll swear he got a whole organization over there. What is one one calibrated person with a well-oiled CRM who who just kicking ass? Do yourself a favor. Get clear, get calibrated, get confident. Then do the affirmations. Get clear, get calibrated, get confident. Then work on the business. Get clear, get calibrated, get confident. Then work on the business plan. And another thing that I need you to do is I need you to figure out what is your top priority right now. If you booked a session with me and say, "Hey Coach Jay, I want to lose some weight. I want to quit biting my nails. I want to quit smoking. I want to be more confident. I want to be able to walk into any room with my shoulders back and my." chest out. I want to get back in the gym. I want to be energetic. I'm gonna say, great, let's do all of that. Which one you want to do first? We finna spend an hour together, and if I spend that hour trying to help you quit smoking, quit biting your nails, be more confident, go back to the gym, be a better speaker, you gonna be— you gonna smoke a little less, you gonna bite your nails a little less, you gonna go to the gym a little bit, maybe once or twice, but you're not gonna get that drastic shift that you're looking for if we supposed Split this hour on all those things. Which one of these are the most important to you? Which one of these that if we change today would instantly change your quality of life? That's the one we gonna prioritize. Sometimes I see people do affirmations that go, "I am fit. I am healthy. I am skinny. I am rich. I am a great speaker." Like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa wait! What are the other things that you got to understand about affirmations? If, if it doesn't change the way you feel, it's not going to change the way you act. If it doesn't change the way you feel, it's not going to rewire your endocrine system. If it doesn't change the way you feel, it's not going to rewire your nervous system. If it doesn't change the way you feel, it's not going to get you firing different neurons off. The purpose of the affirmation is to change the way you feel. When you don't milk the affirmation and take time to feel the affirmation, to take time to become the affirmation— I want you to think about Muhammad Ali and how Muhammad Ali would affirm. Muhammad Ali didn't say, I am a good boxer, I am a fast boxer, I am a good fighter. Muhammad Ali slowed down. I'm pretty, I'm 25 years old, ain't a scratch on my face. I am the greatest. I blow like a butterfly, sting like a bee. The hands can't touch what the eyes can't see. I'm fast, I'm lightning fast. Last night I turned off the light and I was in bed before the room was even dark. He's taking time to feel the affirmation. He's taking time to become the affirmation. He's using simile, he's using metaphors, he's doing the affirmation with his whole body. It's bigger than words. He feels that those affirmations literally change the way he feel. That's why they were coming true. Does that make sense? You can't just rush through though. I am faith, I am love, I am— then you get in traffic and be frustrated. You get it to work and be mad at your boss. You left the affirmation in your bathroom. You got to put the affirmation on. You got to bring the affirmation with you. I can't get before the live go. I am confident. I have unshakable confidence. Then I get on the live and go, oh man, it's only three people in here. Oh man, I was going to do. I was going to talk about affirmations today, but only three people. No, I was. I'm talking about affirmations today. I don't give a damn if 3 people or 3,000 people show up. We talking about affirmations today, and I'm not gonna be out of my— I'm not gonna be distracted and off balance if only 3 people show up, and I'm also not gonna be distracted and off balance if 3,000 people show up. I'm clear, calibrated, and confident that I came on here to talk about affirmations. What's going on, ready? I'm clear, calibrated, and confident that I'm gonna get this message to as many people as I can. Do yourself a favor. Get clear about what you want. Get calibrated to what you want. Get confident to what you want. Then do competence. And when you're clear, calibrated, and confident, then you start doing competence. Now it don't really matter what they say on CNN. Now it don't really matter if they shut TikTok because I'm clear, calibrated, and confident. And when I'm clear, calibrated, and confident, I'm gonna just find another platform to put the message out. But giving up is not an option. When you clear, calibrated, and confident. But when you unclear, uncalibrated, and unconfident, oh man, the smallest excuse is a big enough excuse to quit. When you're unclear, uncalibrated, and unconfident and you go to the gym because it's time to lose that weight, some— you'll find somebody looking at you and that'll be your excuse to quit. See, I knew they were going to be in here judging me. I'm not coming back. You gonna let a look stop you from having something you really want, something that you've been dreaming about? You gonna let a look— somebody looking at you? And the thing is, if that person that you think was looking at you is clear, calibrated, and confident, they probably weren't even looking at you because you was probably invisible to them. They AirPod probably died. They trying to figure out what's going on with their music, why their music stopped, and you just so happen to be standing in their line of sight. But you so not calibrated to your goals, so you looking for something else to calibrate to, and you can calibrate it to something that had nothing to do with Because you weren't calibrated to what you should have been calibrated to in the first place. That's why we get clear about what we want first. Like, let's make let's make it real. If you came to me and you was working with me to lose weight, I'm not sending you to the gym after our first session. I'm not telling you to stop eating carbs after our first session. Our first session is going to be around clarity. What size shirt you want to wear? How much weight do you want? To lose? Okay, and when you lose that weight, what number will you see on the scale? What size jeans you want to wear? What type of swimsuit you going to wear once you lose this weight? Okay, I want you to imagine you've lost this weight and you in your bathroom trying on that swimsuit. I want you to look in the mirror and notice what you see. This is clarity. This is calibration. Describe the swimsuit to me. It's all black The back is out. It's a two-piece. Okay. Now I want you to, as you're looking in this mirror, I want you to imagine your husband just walked in. How's your husband looking at you? Oh, he's looking at you like he want to take that swimsuit off for you. Interesting. How are you looking back at him? This is calibrated because you got to understand you got this part of the brain called the thalamus that brings in sensory information, right? The thalamus also handles the information that you. Imagine, and it don't put it in 2 separate piles. It all go in one big pile. So as you're sitting there living this experience of being the weight that you want to be, being in this swimsuit, seeing your husband look at you a certain way and feeling him put his hands on your shoulders and feeling all the feelings that come with that, it's a part of you going, oh wait, it's, it's working. The clarity, the calibration is working. And I'm gonna keep calibrating you. I'm gonna calibrate you hundreds of times in the session. Now you walking into work and imagine that one coworker you don't like. She looking at you, but you 120 pounds lighter. What's her reaction? What's she saying? And how you feel as you hear her say, "I'm calibrating you over and over and over again." I'm calibrating you. I'm gonna keep calibrating you until I notice your body language start to change. I'm gonna keep calibrating you until I notice you so crystal clear about what you want that I know nothing can stop you. I'm gonna keep calibrating you until you have what I call unshakable. Non-negotiable confidence. And now I'm gonna send you to the gym. And now I'm gonna say, hey, we gotta cut back on these carbs. You gotta drink more water. I want you getting at least 10,000 steps a day, aiming for 20, but at least 10. I want you to go ahead and embody this version of you. Now, if you say you working out and you wake up and it's raining, you either finna go work out in the rain or you finna do an at-home workout or you finna walk laps around your living room. You finna do something, but quitting is not an option because you clear calibrated and calm. But when you unclear, uncalibrated, uncoming, you gonna say, "Well, Coach, yeah, I was gonna work out Friday, but it rained Friday." First step is get clear about what you want. You cannot get what you want until you know what you want. You cannot hit a target that don't exist. Does that make sense? Hate hating your job is not a goal. Miserable in your marriage is not a goal. I just want my husband to treat me better. I just want my wife to have more sex with me. Is not a goal. Somebody's comments were filtered. That's not a goal. That's not a goal. You can be, do, and have anything you desire. It might have been yours, Lance. Yeah, I think they filtered your first comment. Your only limit in life is your own imagination. Do you guys hear me? If you can think it, you can do it. If you can't think it, you can't do it. That's the bad news. If you can't think it, you can't do it. But the good news is you could think anything that you want to think. Are you going to use your willpower to control your thinking? Thank you for the follow, Butterscotch. What's up, Ron? Are you going to use your willpower to control your thinking? Oh, like Kevin Gates. We used to hear that a lot when I was younger. Your only limit in life is your own imagination. Let me explain something to you about willpower. You don't use willpower to control your body. You use willpower to control your mind. Okay? You don't use willpower to make yourself go to the gym. You use willpower to use your mind in a way where it becomes in your nature to go to the gym. You use willpower to become a gym rat. Now, once you become a gym rat, guess where gym rats love to go? The gym. You don't use willpower to force your partner to change. You use willpower to discipline your mind and start noticing the things that they are doing right and start showing gratitude for what they are doing right. And that's going to change you and how you approach the situation, and then that's going to change them. You don't use willpower to build the habit. You use willpower to discipline your thinking, and this new mind will give birth to new habits. Like when people come into my office for hypnosis, I'm not making them do things. I'm helping them to think in a way where it's natural for them to do the thing that they want to do. If you come to my office because you are a smoker and you want to become a non-smoker, I'm not going to use willpower to make you break the cigarettes and throw the cigarettes away. I'm gonna change the way you think about cigarettes right now. When you think about cigarettes, you think about relaxation. You think about something to do. You think about that pacifier that you put in your mouth. You think about the fact that they distract you from work. They give you an excuse to step outside when work gets overwhelming. They give you an excuse to step away when you're arguing with your partner. They give you a release. You think about cigarettes and you think escape. I'm gonna help you think about cancer when you think of cigarettes. I'm gonna get in your mind and we gonna tie cigarettes to every time you suck on a cigarette, you're gonna imagine sucking poison out of a straw. You're gonna imagine sucking cancer Out of a cup. We gonna change the way we gonna change your internal representation of cigarettes, and now the cigarettes no longer represent relaxation, and cigarettes represent sucking cancer out of a straw. Cigarettes represent every time I pull on this thing, that's one less year I get to spend with my daughter. Every time I pull, if I keep pulling on this thing, I'm not gonna be around to walk my daughter down the aisle when she get married. Now cigarettes no longer when you think of them, you don't think about. Relaxing and a break. You think about dying, and you think about cancer. You think about yellow teeth, and you think about your skin aging. You think about looking horrible. You don't got to try to quit smoking now. You don't want to smoke. If somebody took one of your cigarettes and dipped them in shit and said, "Here you go," you don't got to try not to smoke that cigarette. Nicotine addiction or not, you don't got to try not to smoke the cigarette that you just saw somebody dipping shit. you feel different about the cigarette. Does that make sense? I don't got to make you go to the gym. I just got to get you clear about what you want, get you calibrated what you want, get you confident that you can have that. Of course you don't want to go to the gym if you feel like it's not going to work and it's impossible. And look, my grand— my grandmother's heavy, my mom is heavy, all my aunts is heavy. We are big-boned family. It's not going to work. Of course you don't want to go to the Gym if you don't think it's gonna work. I don't gotta make you gotta go to the gym. I gotta help you believe that it's possible. I gotta help you believe you can have that result that you want. Think about it. You are a president at a company that's dominated by men. You did that. You are the one sperm cell to beat out 300 million sperm. You can do this shit. Question is, are you? I don't gotta make you go to the gym. I gotta help you believe that you can have that result that you want. If you want the result and you believe you can have it, you're gonna go for it. An example that I used to use on TikTok all the time is if I start doing a contest on TikTok where every month I give away $500,000— thanks for the likes, y'all. Y'all, those likes, they help. And it's crazy, we've been on for a minute, we got 548 likes. Let's run the likes up. Let's, let's take it up to another level. It should be way more people here. We should have way more energy going I'm on here giving y'all the playbook, okay? But if I start doing a competition, right? Can I manifest a man— hold on, I got to move this other screen so I can see the rest of your comment. Can I manifest a man who has no kids and everything I'm looking for but doesn't have the baggage? You can, but you got to flip that signature around. You have to put the unwanted on the front end of that sentence, you going to have to get in the habit of ending those sentences with what you want. Like what we see people do a lot of time is— so you got to realize, as you go through life, you are human and you going to see things that you don't like. And the blessing in seeing those things that you don't like is instantly, without trying, you give birth to what you would rather have. When you feel disrespected, you don't got to try to desire respect. The instant you feel disrespected, you give off this birth for a desire to be respected. Now you got a choice to make. Am I going to align with the reason that I feel disrespected, or am I going to align with this desire that I got to be respected? Okay, so what happens is you see— let's say you look at your bank account and you see not enough money. When you looked at the bank account and saw not enough money without even trying, you gave off a desire for more money. Now you got a choice to make. Am I going to calibrate to not enough money, or am I going to calibrate to my desire for more money? And as you get calibrated to that desire for more money, your ideas are going to follow that calibration for more money. Your energy levels are going to follow that calibration for more money. So let's say you get set up on a date with a man who doesn't have the baggage, who makes good money, who's handsome and got everything else on your list. But even while you're on that date, in the back of your mind, you're going, I hope he ain't got no baggage. If he got some kids, I'm getting away from this table. I'm not, I'm not doing it. And you so wrapped up in this internal dialogue around what you don't want that you're not calibrated to everything that you want that's sitting right in front of you. So when he's saying, so how's your day? Tell me about yourself. You go, do you got any kids? He's going, well, that's not what I asked you, but, um, actually no, I don't. And you go, good, because if you had some kids, I was getting up. You're like, okay, let's finish so we can wrap this up. So you in the vicinity of what you want, but when you in the vicinity of what you want calibrated to what you don't want, you're a vibrational mismatch for what you want. So the work is to get so calibrated to what you want. So I've been doing hypnosis and studying influence for a real long time. I started studying this stuff when I was 14. In my early 20s, boy, I was a— I was a dog. And I would go to bars and I would find women, and I would use what I knew about the psyche and the subconscious mind to talk to these women. Some women I can walk up on and I can tell that they were so calibrated to what they wanted, they had such a clear image in their mind of what they wanted, that no amount of hypnosis, no amount of NLP, no amount of influence was going to make them do anything that they didn't leave their house with their mindset on doing. And I would say, you know what, ma'am? Enjoy your night, gorgeous. You have a nice night. I'm finna go find me a person who's uncalibrated, and and and that that's gonna be very easy to do. Got it. So focus on what I want. But what happens? So how does? Let's see. So how does this come into my universe? A man with kids. That's not what you want because you don't get what you want. You get what you focused on. And I can just by this interaction we got, like you gotta understand the subconscious mind does not delete information. All right, I'm gonna tell you a few stories that from my personal life that just help help this to click for you. First thing I'm gonna do is say imagine you with this man with no kids. He walk in the house and he say, "Hey baby, don't get mad." What's the first thing you're gonna do if he say, "Hey baby, don't get mad"? Well, my married women that are women in relationships, if your partner come in the house and say, baby, don't get mad, what, what, what, what's the first thing you gonna do? You gonna be mad, right? Because you don't know how to not get mad. Consciously you can, but subconsciously, 98% of you can't not get mad, right? So you gotta stop trying to not attract the man with the kids, and you gotta attract the man with the freedom and the availability That you want. You gotta, you want, you gotta attract the man who at the same stage of life that you at. You gotta attract the man who want what you want. If you want to have your, if you want your first kid to be with this man, you got to stop trying to attract the man with no kids and you got to try to attract somebody who wants to have their first kid too. You want to, you don't want to attract the man with no kids. You want to attract somebody who's looking forward to having their first kid with you. Because what you're doing is you're going for it, but you're going for it from under the influence of what you Don't want. I can remember one time I went to my son's school and I was coaching, uh, I went for field day and I volunteered, and they had me coaching this game where the kids would put a sponge in a bucket of water, then he would pass it over his head to the kid behind him, then the kid behind him would get the sponge, and you have about 10 kids, and at the end of the line there was another empty bucket, and they would squeeze the water out of the sponge into that bucket, then they'll run to the front and do it again. Okay, so I was called every pre-K through 6th grade. They would split the class in half. I would coach half of the class and the teacher would coach the other half of the class. And we get to the end of the day and my side hasn't lost a game. And the PE teacher come over, he said, you're not pouring your bucket out. Ain't no way y'all winning every game. He didn't unders— I had picked up on something he didn't pick up on. The teacher was telling the kids what not to do. I was telling the kids what to do. The teacher was— because they kids, they kept squeezing the sponge. And so by the time the sponge got to the bucket at the end, it was no water left in they sponge. The teacher was over there saying, stop squeezing the sponge, stop squeezing, y'all not gonna have no water, stop squeezing the sponge. I was on my side telling my kids, hey, handle the sponge gently, handle the sponge gently, treat the sponge like an egg. That's right, handle the sponge gently. Keep the water in the sponge. I wasn't telling them what not to do. I was telling them what to do. And that's why our bucket was filling up way quicker than theirs. Because the subconscious mind hears, don't squeeze the sponge. And then without even thinking about it, they kids, they squeeze the sponge. Does that make sense? So you telling yourself, don't attract no man with no kids and yada yada yada. Now back in my days when I was wilding, I would have ran into you in the bar. I got three kids. I would have ran into you in a bar, and you would have been a vibrational match to me because even though you you think you not focusing on me, you calling me closer, and I would have bought you a drink and probably wasted like six months of your time. Does that make sense? I try to. I really try to. That's what hypnosis is all about. Can I explain it in a way where you're where? Rewires how you think. That's the key to hypnosis. Can I explain it vividly enough to get your endocrine system to respond? Can I explain it vividly enough to get your nervous system to respond? Despite of what people try to tell you about hypnosis, that's what hypnosis is. Can I make it so digestible that you have no choice but to react to it? That's the magic of hypnosis. All right, so we got to get clear about what we want. And I'm glad you asked this question because this is a great example about why a lot of times the affirmations don't work. We doing affirmations, but it's from under the influence of what we don't want. Get clear about what you want. I want somebody who wants to have their first kid with me. I want somebody who's at the same stage that I'm at. Don't let it turn into, I don't want to deal with baby moms and I don't— not what you don't want. You got to bring the focus back to what you want. That that's one form of it. But on the first stage is you got to get clear about what you want, and I want you to get really clear about what you want. I I like loving partner. That's good. What else? Ah yeah, it's going. It's it's already on there. When we end it, it's already gonna be live. So loving partner is the first stage of it. Now if you get our golden ticket. And you go in there, there's a course called Clarity, and it's 35 modules that's gonna really help you to pull back the layers and get the clarity you need. And it's also a free workshop if you go to iCoachBosses.com— not a free workshop, a free worksheet. If you go to iCoachBosses.com and you go down to the very bottom, there's a free clarity blueprint. I'm glad I came on your For You page too. Y'all keep tapping so we can get on some other people's for you, Paige, and help them make 2025 the best year of their life. But, uh, you got, you got to get more clarity. You can't get what you want until you get what you want. Imagine if you got in the back of a taxi. Is it clarity on anything or business? I left it vague. You can make it for anything. But imagine if you got in a taxi and you said, don't take me to the mall. I hate the mall. I hate the mall. It's too expensive. Expensive. I'm not paying $300 for no one pair of shoes. You got all those teenagers out there, they hanging out, they stealing, they fighting. Don't take me to the mall. I hate the mall. You go to the mall? That's stupid. Why you go to the mall? I don't like going to them. You just sitting in the taxi going on this long rant about why you don't want to go to the mall. That would be stupid, right? You don't get in the taxi to talk about where you don't want to go. You get in the taxi to talk about where you want to go. So I need to not focus on man with no kids. Instead, say I'm happy with my man who is having his. You hit you definitely headed in the right direction with me. Yeah, you definitely headed the first kid with me. You definitely have headed in the right direction. I want my partner to have their first kid with me. Put your undivided attention on that because a lot of times we'll see people go. I gotta make more money because I ain't got enough money and I'm not gonna be able to go on this. Vacation I want. I got kids put in college. I'm not gonna be able to give my son his braces because I don't got enough money, and I want more money. But man, it's not enough money to go. So they talk about what they want, then they jump right back into what they don't want. They talk about what they want briefly, but it's always. I need a new job because I can't stand my boss, and they up here and they met. I got you. What do you want? You mentioned being more grateful will help your partner naturally. Do things you want versus focus on what they're not doing. Exactly. Partners, kids, employees, everybody, everybody. So people do things for one reason and one reason only: because they want to. So instead of like ask yourself, how do I make this person do what I want them to do? Question you really should ask yourself is, how can I make them feel like doing this thing I want them to do? Imagine you in my office, right? And for whatever reason, I hate your jacket. It's the ugliest jacket I ever seen. Oh my God, why does she have this jacket on? It's so, it's so ugly. If I say, hey Bianca, take your jacket off, you might go, weirdo, you take your jacket. I don't want to take my jacket off. Like, the chances of you taking your jacket off because I told you to is— even though I'm a hypnotist, the chance of you just taking your jacket off because I said so are next to none. But if I go on my phone and change my thermostat in my office and put it on 80, and I just sit back and keep talking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in a moment you're gonna feel like taking your jacket off. And when you feel like taking your jacket off, it don't take no convincing. You feel like taking it off. How do you— to talk to you? How do you get your SP to talk to you? I don't even know what SP is. What's SP? So how do you get to trust in knowing Outcome by manifestations without fixed on the the when and the how. So you gotta look at manifesting like planting a seed, right? So when when you first plant a seed, you understand that that seed is going to start to grow down before it starts to grow up. It's going to develop a root system before develops a trunk, branches, and leaves. Oh, thank you for breaking that down for me. All right, I'm gonna come back to that question in just a second, Catherine. All right, so you might plant this seed, come back 6 weeks later and go, oh man, it's not working, when whole time underground is working. You gotta understand that the affirmations, the vision boards, the incantations, the focus wheel, all these different tools, they start working in here before they start working out there. Okay, if I'm affirming more money, the affirmation is going to start to change my thinking around money. Before it changes my bank account. So if I'm looking at my bank account going, "Oh man, it's not working." I just stopped affirming more money and affirmed it's not working. So now the it's not working is working. But before I got locked onto the it's not working, it was working. But I unplanted my seed and now planted a new seed. Does that make sense? It's gonna it's gonna rewire your your mind. It's gonna create new neural structures. It's gonna change the way you think and feel about money. Before it changes your bank account. But this new version of you that thinks differently about money and, and feels differently about money gonna get another idea. Now, if you would have got this idea 6 months ago, you wouldn't have even executed it. But now that you feel different about money and you think different about money, you have built a neural structure that I can make money easily, I can make money doing things that I love. Now when this idea comes around, you actually feel like the type of person that can do it. And because you feel like you can do it, you actually go for it. And that bank account is going to be affected based on this idea that you entertain. The affirmation not gonna make the person magically show up in your house, but the affirmation will get you back to a place where you're dating and you're not harboring old energy. It will get you on a place where you'll actually allow your friend to set you up on a date when at first you're like, girl, I'm not— I'm done dating. I'm not— there's no point. They all got kids, yada yada. Now the affirmations worked On you to a way where you can allow in the thing that you want. So the affirmation changes your belief, it changes your mentality, it changes your approach to life. Because we don't see the world as it is, we see the world through these sunglasses that we call, uh, the critical faculty. And it's always doing 3 things: it's always deleting, distorting, and generalizing. So what the affirmations do is it change your distortions, it change your deletions, and it changes your generalizations. And with these new distortions, these new deletions, and these new generalizations, you show up to life different, and life has no choice but to respond to you different. And it's also rewired what we call your reticular activation system. Your reticular activation system controls what's in your awareness. If I'm in the store with my daughter and we get separated, and I go, okay, I'm looking for my daughter, little brown girl, yellow sundress, jelly bean sandals, big puffball. My reticular activation system is going to narrow down to little brown girl, yellow sundress, jelly bean sandals, big puffball. Okay, now it could be a guy who's like 20 feet tall. Any other time I would have saw 20 feet tall guy and went, gosh, he's tall. But when I'm looking for little brown girl, yellow sundress, big puffball, jelly bean sandals, 20 feet tall guy just became invisible. Or maybe it's a woman in the store who's drop dead gorgeous. Like, just super gorgeous. Any other time, I would've saw her and went, wow, she's gorgeous. What's in her cart? I'll go, I'll pay for it. But when I'm looking for a little brown girl, yellow sundress, jelly bean sandals, puffball, really attractive woman just became invisible. She, she might as well not even be there. I can't see her. I'm looking through her. Then it might be another little girl wearing a yellow dress. Any other time, that little girl would've just been background noise. But when I'm looking for my daughter, who also has on a yellow dress, Now this little girl who any other time I would have never even noticed has just became the center of my focus because she might be my daughter. Okay, so when you're going through, when your reticular activation system is looking for, does he have kids? Because if he had kids, I'm not going to talk to him. Does he have kids? Because if he had kids, I'm not going to talk to him. Does he have kids? Because the guy with no kids is invisible to you because you sold— the reticular activation system is going, not important, not important, not important. Hey, here's a guy with kids, don't talk to him. Okay, not important, not important, not important item. Hey, here's another one with kids. Don't talk to him. So the guys without the kids are invisible to you. Makes sense. This so this is the beauty of focusing on what you want. Now your reticular activation system gonna say, "Hey, no kids makes good money. Seems like a good guy. Let's give him a chance." And the guy at the the bar like, "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" You can. Feel the kids. Because you look at his arm and you see a daughter— you see his daughter's tattoo on his forearm, and you go, nah, thanks, I'm okay. That makes sense. But when you focus on kids, the last 20 guys that tried to talk to you then had kids. So eventually one of them gonna wear you down. You're like, well, God, I'm either gonna die by myself or I'm gonna talk to somebody who like kids. And then that's when somebody like the old me gonna Swoop in and get you because it's you uncalibrated. Because being calibrated to what you don't want is damn near the same thing as not being calibrated at all. All right, we had a question over here on YouTube. How do you get your specific person to talk to you? It's a person that you already got that you want to get to talk to you. Oh, we're gonna have to do an EMP seminar. We got to talk about the emotional and the physical. So the thing about— oh, we're gonna completely shift lanes. I'm not gonna go deep into this because this, this could be a whole nother live on its own. But, um, in relationships, opposites tend to attract. You tend to get one person that's what we call the physical. Physicals are people who have real strong mind-body connections. When physicals are upset, you don't gotta ask them, they breathe harder, they They sit down harder. They might accidentally slam the door. They wear their feelings in their body. And these are people who like to come forward in relationships. They like to buy gifts. They like to do favors. They like to talk. They want to be up under their partner. They want to talk to their partner. Sounds like in your relationship you might be the physical. But the thing is, physicals tend to date these people called emotionals. And emotionals are people who have just the— they hold things in their mind. Like I'm an emotional, so people will be in my office and they might tell me something really horrific, and they might look at my face and think he doesn't even care. And it's not that I don't care; my feelings don't always translate to my face. In my mind, I might be going, "Oh, you poor thing! You must feel horrible." So in my mind, I'm working really hard for you a solution, and I feel where you coming from, but I don't feel it in my body. I guess I think where you coming from. I I'm Thinking about it in my head, and usually these two people get together and they start relationships. So you got this one called the physical, and what physicals do is they come forward when they feel rejected. The more the physical feels rejected, the more they come forward. The more the physical feels rejected. Hold up, TikTok want to make sure I'm still on here. They got me doing a puzzle. Okay, I got it. But the more the physical feels rejected, the more they come forward. Then you got this. Other person called the emotional. And the emotional, the more you like try to get them to do stuff, then hang out and do, the more they— oh, to reconcile with this person, to reconcile, we gotta, we gotta talk. What are we reconciling from? Did somebody cheat? Did it just fall apart? Did you guys lose a child? It's a lot of moving pieces on how we would tackle How we would tackle it. So that's something we might would have to get on like a like a free consultation just to talk about because I had to go deep in your business and then the whole live will become about this. Then we're gonna lose everybody else. But if you go to um bigabundantbigabundant.com and you can schedule a consultation, that's something we can uh we could talk about. Just good communication. First off, it's gonna take 2 people wanting the communication to get better. But what you got to do is you got to beat him at his own game. You got to get you a hobby. You got to start back living because I'm willing to bet when you first— so physicals do this thing where when you first meet physicals, they on a book club, they might be president of the PTA, they might— well, if y'all— if they got kids already, it depends on how old you guys are, but they might be president of the PTA, they might be in a wine tasting club. They be— they have their hands in all types of stuff. But when they get a partner, they quit the book club because they want to spend more time with their partner. They step down on the PTA because they want to spend more time with their partner. So now you with this person who, when you first met them, man, they was doing all of this stuff and you liked them because they was doing all of this. So you're like, oh man, they plugged in, they connected, they do their own thing. And your mind, you thinking, look, while they doing their own thing, I can work on my business. I got time to do my own thing. But now you got this person that's all Ways here. What you finna do? Something like I something that doesn't involve you. What you? I'm coming with you. Like I wish you wouldn't, but after years and years and years and years, that resentment just builds up to the point where you'll see those those things just break. But one of the ways that you would put it back track was you start back getting some hobbies. You start back doing things. Like imagine if you got a partner. Who for the past 10 years has been on your heels. Like, you can't turn around, they right there. Then one day you get home from work and they not there, and there's a note on the fridge, hey honey, out with friends, don't wait up. You're gonna go, wait, what? As annoying as it was, now that it's not right there, you're gonna start to miss it a little bit. Now, you don't want to be mischievous with it. You don't want to like make the person think you cheating and that type of stuff, but you do want to open up the imagination and leave a little bit of room to wonder. And any deeper than that, we'll have to jump on a call and really talk about the details. But it's going to take you changing some patterns. It's going to take you giving yourself permission to become bigger than the relationship again. And when you become bigger than the relationship— I'm not saying the relationship is important. You just give yourself permission to become bigger than the relationship. This relationship isn't my whole life. That other person gonna start responding different, and that's the like the groundwork to what we would do with something like that. But it's it's other layers that I that we can't get into without the specifics. All right, Nisha said here's a guy with kids. Yeah, when you under the influence of not wanting the guy with kids, you gonna find all the guys with kids. Then me with three kids gonna show up and. Yep, come on. What's up, KD? What's up, Allegra? Anybody else got any questions about anything we talked about today? Guys, it's Friday. On Fridays at 6 PM, we do a Zoom meeting. If you want to come to our Zoom meeting, in the Zoom meeting we get real hands-on. For one, it's not like TikTok where you got to type and ask your questions. You actually on the Zoom panel, you can unmute, you can ask questions, you can get access to our community, you get access to our classrooms, you get access to our resources. And you get to come to the to the meeting and to meet the other people who learn in this five C process, and you get accountability and all sorts of stuff. If you want you a golden ticket, you go to iCoachBosses.com. The golden ticket is twenty five dollars a week. Go get you one. How do I get from how and when? I feel like I'm waiting and fixated. You're gonna use your willpower. You're gonna start refocusing your mind. That's just a pattern you've built. You're gonna build a new pattern. Oh yeah. So if I wanna get— I'm like checking how many followers I got and I feel stuck, you're gonna use willpower. You're gonna set some clear goals. And a lot of people, especially when it comes to creating content, they start tracking what, what we call vanity metrics. Like, I'm live right now on TikTok and I'm live right now on YouTube. It's 10 people, 10 people watching on TikTok and it's 3 people watching on YouTube. Now a lot of streamers, a lot of content creators would go, man, it's only 13 people there. What people don't understand is I make my most money in small rooms. I've had rooms with hundreds of people in them and made little money. You'd rather have a small group of people who actually care about what you're talking about than 100 people who in there half listening, in and out. You can't get them to text your screen. You can't— the stuff that really matters is why did you start the— what is the purpose of you starting a social media following? Is it to sell your product? Is it to bring awareness to an issue? Is it because you want to be an influencer? Is it because you want to get on TikTok Shop and, you know, make more money? Why do you want to— why do you want the following? Because I know people with way more following, with a way bigger following than me, I guarantee you they don't make more money than me on social media. I think I got 6,000 and some change on TikTok. And we make a lot of money on TikTok. Until recently, TikTok was a good 70% of my funnel, and we just— I ain't gonna say we broke it down, but we invested in some other areas just to— just for longevity, just to make sure. Because as we can see, TikTok can go missing overnight. But you gotta answer that. You gotta get clear about what you want. Because what you want is not a lot of followers. It's a reason that you want a lot of followers, and I want you to get so calibrated to that reason that you get the followers as a side effect of being calibrated to that. I'm so calibrated to motivating and inspiring people and reminding people they could be doing, have anything they want. I'm gonna accidentally get followers as I talk about this thing that I'm passionate about, and because I'm talking about something that I would talk about for free, I don't care if I'm talking about it with 12 people or 12,000 people. I'm talking about what I want to talk about anyway. What's going on, little bro? To follow— you see, to get the numbers you need. Nope. So the— and especially in this new age of social media that we in, man, it's about the piece of content. TikTok has changed the scape. What's going on, bro? TikTok has changed the scape of— man, you can have zero followers on TikTok, make a post that has the right words in it and the right on-screen text and the right hook, and you might have 15 followers, but you go look at your stuff and you can see that 2,000 people saw that video. Uh, you're welcome, Journey. Get calibrated to what you want. You don't want more followers. You think you need more followers to get what you really want. Get so hooked into what you really want that you get the followers on accident. And as you build that clarity, calibration, and confidence You're gonna find that you can get what you want way before the followers show up. What's going on, Vibe baby? And if there's any other people here who thinking about posting content and thinking about becoming— man, make that content. Don't get distracted by the numbers of how many people see it. Make it. And one thing about TikTok, if you just post it, at least 200 people gonna see it. If you posting 3 times a day and 200 eyeballs see each time, that's a minimum of 600 eyeballs a day. 600 eyeballs a day over the course over a month for free, man. If you don't post that content and quit playing and come over here— yeah, when you genuine, talk about what you know, talk about stuff that's, that's important to you, the right people— not all the people, but the right people— gonna stick around. And if that happens to be 10 today, okay, but that's 10 10 people who actually interested in what you're talking about. And that's— and because it's only 10 people that's interested in what I'm talking about, I ain't got to worry about missing comments. Like, I'm a hypnotist. If I cared about numbers, I would shut this live down, start a new live, and I would say, all right, who wants to be hypnotized? Let's get somebody up here. Take a deep breath in, close your eyes, deep sleep. You just forgot your name. You can't remember your name. Come here, sir. What's your name? And they would be confused. Like, if I wanted numbers, I know how to get numbers. I've been streaming since 2013, grand rise. But along the way, I figured out it's not about— I'm not gonna say it's not about the numbers. It's not about those followers. It's about the numbers in that Stripe account. It's about that. It's about the numbers in that bank account. That those numbers up there, don't let those distract you from the numbers that matter. So I don't think it's quantity over quality in growing and engaging? Let me process this. I don't think it's quantity. I do— no, I think it's quality over quantity. Definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely. I think it's about the conversion rate on the back end. That's my— that's the most important number to me. How many of these people invested in one of my products? How many of these people invested in one of my services? How many of these people downloaded my freebie? How many of these people joined my email list. Who cares if I had 100 people in the live if none of them joined my email list, if none of them took any action? For sure. So I'm not saying that if 100 people came here, I would just shut the live down and go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's too many. I'm saying that I'm not gonna wait on 100 people to get here to start paying my mortgage. I'm not gonna wait on 100 people to get here to start growing my business. They'll get here when they get here, but when they get here, boy, it's gonna be so much momentum. That clicked for you? Good, good, good. What's up, Angel Face? Somebody else came in and then, um, your name jumped by so quick that I didn't get to see it. What other questions we got, guys? Yeah, align with the end and the middle gonna fill in. Like, eventually I'm gonna end this live and I'm gonna decide to stand up But when I decide to stand up, I'm not going to say, all right, let me put this cup down. Let me push up with my bicep. Let me extend my leg. My subconscious mind going to take care of all of that. I'm going to decide on the goal, and my subconscious mind knows all the muscles and the ligaments and what they need to do and what they— I'm not going to consciously stand up. I'm going to consciously decide what I want, but I'm going to subconsciously move towards it. So you got to get clear, calibrated, and confident. And then do competence. Like, think about it. Earlier when we was talking, I gave you the 5-step process. Taking action is step 4. You don't want to grow the following until you clear, calibrated, and confident. Get clear, get calibrated, get confident, then build the following. It's impossible to build a following when you're unclear, uncalibrated, unconfident. Today you're posting about race cars, tomorrow you're posting about gardening, the next day you're talking about parenting. Now, if you are like an overall influencer, like a blogger, and you do like get ready with me, come shop with me, this is my makeup routine, like yeah, you could do that because it all ties into a theme. But if you're running a business or you're trying to sell a product, if you come on here today, I'm doing entertainment hypnosis, you come on here tomorrow and I'm talking about influence and, um, like, uh, mediation and negotiating, then you come on the next day and I'm talking about football, you're gonna be like, wait, what What's going on here? What do you do when you're living in the end and you need faith and belief? If you keep— if you really living in the end, the faith and the belief gonna show up. But I think a lot of times we expect the faith just to show up in one sitting. Repetition and emotion. Repetition and emotion. Okay, and, um, also you also got to realize that— let's bring it back to the affirmations— that When you do the affirmation, you don't make yourself feel a feeling. You respond to what you focus on. Like when you watch TV, let's say you watching a funny movie. You're not sitting there watching that funny movie go. When it's time to laugh, I'm gonna laugh. I'm not gonna miss any of the jokes. I'm gonna catch the joke. I'm gonna catch the joke. I'm gonna catch the joke. You just watch the movie, and when it's time to laugh, you laugh. When you watch a scary movie, you're not sitting there going, "Okay, I'm gonna get scared. I'm ready to get scared. When am I gonna get?" You just watch the movie. When it's time to get scared, you get scared. What's going on, BJ? So when you're doing these affirmations, when you're focusing on this vision board, when you're putting your attention on what you want, you don't try to make the confidence appear. You allow the confidence to appear as a result of what you're focusing on. Because when you try to make the confidence appear, what you're doing is pushing the subconscious out of the way and saying, let me consciously do it. It's not— confidence is not a conscious behavior. It's a subconscious behavior. Does that make sense? Like, you gotta understand, your conscious mind runs off logic, reason, analysis, willpower, decision-making. Ain't nothing logical about confidence. Ain't nothing, ain't nothing analytical about confidence. Is a, is a very much a subconscious thing. So like, look at it like try to make your heart beat faster. Can you make your heart beat faster? Absolutely. But you can't make it beat faster directly. You can't make it beat faster by saying, "Hey, beat faster." Hey, beat faster. Hey, stupid, you hear me? Beat faster. You now you can watch a scary movie and make it beat faster. Me personally, I can remember a time when I was in the store with my daughter and I couldn't find my daughter for like ten minutes. And as I start remembering that, it'll beat faster. So I can make it beat faster, but I don't make it beat faster by telling it to beat fast. I can make it beat faster by focusing on something. I can make it beat faster by going for a run, but I can't make it beat faster by telling. To beat faster. Confidence works the same way. You can make yourself confident not by saying, be confident, I am confident, because you make yourself confident by focusing on things that cause you to feel confident. You focus on them consistently, you keep focusing on them. Does that make sense? And over a period of time, that confidence gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And bigger until it becomes what we call unshakable, non-negotiable confidence. Because anytime you're trying to use willpower to be confident, you— that's not confidence. Like, what color is this cup? It's red, right? You don't gotta look it up. You don't gotta try to convince— you, you confident that this cup is red. You ain't never read a book called How to Become Confident That Red Is Red. It was a point in your life when you were a child where somebody sat you down and got you clear. Hey, what color is this? Pink? No, red. Say red. Good job. High five. This is calibration. What color is this? Red. Good job. You're so smart. What color is this? Red. Good job. That's calibration. They kept calibrating you over and over and over again. So one day you became confident that this is red. Keep calibrating. What's up, Nikki? Nikki? Nikki? Keep calibrating. Keep calibrating. They said something on CNN that you like. That you don't like? Good. Go calibrate. You don't like the world? There's not enough money in your bank account? Good. Go calibrate. Keep calibrating. It's only 11 people in your life? Keep calibrating. Keep calibrating. Now, if you show up and you keep calibrating, that number got to go up. What's good? Keep calibrating. Don't let anything be a big enough excuse to stop you from calibrating. Keep calibrating until you accidentally It'll come comfortably. But calibration requires clarity. Think about it. Calibration is step 2. If you don't got clarity, you don't got anything to calibrate to. So calibrate, calibrate, calibrate. But before you calibrate, get clear. Before you calibrate, get clear. What's up, Bobby? Make it sense, guys. Make it sense. Well, I'm finna get ready to land. I appreciate y'all for kicking it with us, man. Oh man, we've had fun. Jeez, I didn't realize this much time had passed. What if you have an opportunity in front of you? It's not 100% what you want, but you have fear of missing out. Well, you recognize for what it is. You recognize for Fear of missing out. Let's let's take it full circle. You you you finna date the guy with the kids or not? What's going on, Mary Jones? You finna date the guy with the kids or not? And I'm gonna say this: I was working with a client recently, and we had this conversation about how your body could be one place and your mind could be in another place. Sometimes you got a mortgage, you got bills, you got things. It got to be tended to. And in the meantime, in this world that you've manifested up to this point, your body got to keep showing up to that job or you're going to be homeless. So you could be at a job that you hate and your mind could be calibrating to this place that you're going. I remember being in the military, hating being in the military, but as I was in the military, I was calibrating entrepreneurship. Eventually that calibration got so strong that I got separated from the military and started To create what I want. Settle down, hope stay date forever. And that, and now we getting back under the influence of what we don't want. Calibrate to what you want. Calibrate to what you want. So y'all, I'm finna jump off, man. If you want to come to our Zoom meeting tonight, get you a golden ticket. Go to iCoachBosses.com, get your golden ticket, come kick it with us. Love to see you there, get to come to the Zoom panel, get to get in our classroom, do clarity exercises, do calibration exercises. Uh, we'll be meeting tonight at 6 PM Central Standard Time, so get signed up for that, and I'll see all y'all there later tonight. All right, y'all, we signing out. Bye-bye, YouTube. And guys, if you want this replay, it's available on YouTube. Okay, I coach bosses. It's the YouTube. You're welcome, June. Thanks for kicking it with me this whole time. People on my YouTube, hit the subscribe button, hit the subscribe button, hit the subscribe button. Go check out some of our other videos. Like, comment, get real active over there. It helps me out tremendously.
