OMfG: Double the Adar, Double the Fun

Hey there, my name is Rabbi Jodi Gordon and I am pumped to be joined by Rabbi Jen Gubitz as we welcome you to the OMFG podcast, Jewish wisdom for unprecedented times. Hey Jen!

Hey friend! OMFG, what a fabulous 4-letter word. Those 4 letters really do the trick. From February is a short month but somehow feels so long to "OMFG, we're so close to the daylight savings switcheroo," to "Why does underwire exist?" to "OMFG, Jodi is almost on sabbatical." As rabbis, we have come to know that when the stories of our lives meet the stories of Jewish tradition, transformation, growth, something awesome occurs.

Jen and I are experts in the letters J and G. Finding concerts at Tanglewood, knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, and making the perfect glass of cold brew. And we want to bring you into our conversations that express our love for Judaism and make it relevant in the world as we mine Jewish wisdom for strength and resilience in these still unprecedented times, with a dose of humor. Because as humorist Norma Brownbeck wrote, there is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. And as the great rabbis JG say, let's just keep laughing.

So first, Jodi, your sabbatical is coming. How are you feeling about it?

I am— I'm— well, I'm so excited, right? So obviously I'm so excited. And also I'm realizing it's been a long time since I've had this much anticipation for something, right? Like, you make it to this point in your life and there's not a lot of like huge countdowns uh, left, right? Like, I, I've count— I counted down to my bat mitzvah. I remember that was like the first really big countdown I remember. And like, over the course of time, lots of good things going on. But I've been counting down to this for so long, and now it's 10 days away, and it feels like a really big deal. I also, um, and for my congregants who are listening, I love you so much, and I'm sorry to say I have such senioritis right now. And so I'm just— I'm sitting in my office this week, and I'm really well wrapped up. I mean, part of it is that I've been working so hard to get to the point of being able to leave on sabbatical, so there isn't actually that much to do. And so I'm having that antsy, anticipatory feeling of, uh, still counting down. But that's, that's sort of the big news in my life right now, is, uh, getting ready to head out. But what about you, my friend? Anything big and exciting you can update us on in the life of the rabbi Jen Gubitz?

I relate to your sort of day before winter break experience. I was teaching Hebrew school yesterday and we couldn't even get the kids to play Midotopoly, which is basically Monopoly with Jewish values. Like, they couldn't do it. And I was like, okay, I get it. Everyone needs a break. Um, I am excited. My family is having a mandatory family vacation. Um, in our calendar it says Gubitz family systems insanity because it's that time where I'll behave like I'm 13 except I have a husband now. Um, right. And so we're going to the Gulf Coast of Alabama because it's driving distance from my family. We will get there. It is not driving distance for us. Um, and I'm most excited for seeing my nieces and for family fajita night, which was something that my mom did when we were growing up. She even had a tray that was perfect for like fajita fixings. Um, and hopefully some southern warmth. I really hope it's warm and not one of those aberrations where it's like 20 degrees.

Wait, when are you going?

I don't know, sometime early March.

Okay, well, I will keep my fingers crossed for real southern warm.

Thank you. Wait, Jodi, are you going to be in Israel for Purim?

I am, and I'm so excited. And I have to tell you, this is— so I love Purim. I get into it. I think it's a great holiday. And so getting to celebrate Israel feels like a really fun, big deal. But I was talking to Goldie, my 5-year-old, like a couple of weeks ago. We've been like sort of prepping our kids for this big, you know, sabbatical. You're leaving school. We're going to Israel, blah, blah, blah. And she came back from Hebrew school here at our synagogue a couple of Sundays ago and was like, wait a second, mommy, am I going to miss Purim at Hebra? And I was like, well, yes, you are going to miss Purim at Hebra, but we're going to get to Purim in Israel. And she goes, oh, they have Purim in Israel? And all of a sudden it occurs to me that somewhere along the line, Goldie has completely missed the memo that Israel is like a Jewish country and people speak Hebrew. Like, it was all brand new to her. And she was like, oh, oh. So it was a very exciting thing to be like, yes, not only will we get to celebrate Purim in Israel, like, at all, but like lots of people will. It'll be a really big deal. Like, it'll feel like the whole city is celebrating Purim. And her mind was completely blown. So I'm very excited for that. I heard yesterday that it looks like the, the very famous Purim parade that takes place in Cologne every year isn't happening this year still because of COVID which is a bummer, but I'm sure we'll find lots of fun celebrations to join in on.

I love the mind-blown moment. I was talking with our colleague Rabbi Phyllis Sommer, um, and I also love the mind-blown of like rabbis' kids, and Phyllis was telling me that her one of her kids who has a pretty serious Jewish education was like, Mom, wouldn't it be cool if they translated the whole Torah into English? And she said, yeah. So it was like, oh, breaking news, breaking news.

Oh my God.

Um, I've spent Purim in Israel and I wore a bacon costume. It's one of my favorite Of course I did. It's one of my favorite Purim costumes. Um, it originates from when I had my whole staff at Temple Shertikva— they weren't my staff, but my whole team that I was a part of— um, dress as trafe. So everyone was dressed as lobster, shrimp, crustaceans, ham and cheese, pepperoni pizza. And so I was staffing a honeymoon Israel trip. I brought my bacon costume because I wanted them to be— to understand that rabbis are real people too, even though I don't eat bacon. And then I actually wore it to the Western Wall.

Um, I think this is where we cross-reference an earlier OMFG episode. I think that— I think we know that story, and I, I think that actually that means that for this episode, the image that gets uploaded needs to be that picture.

Me in front of a— yeah, me in front of the Western Wall in a bacon suit. Yep. And I'm excited because I think I'm in a new congregation, so I think I can wear it again and it will still turn heads. I love turning heads.

I mean, I would put it out there to our listeners that, um, uh, it feels like there's a, there's a real lack in the system right now, which is to say that, um, most people I know, either with young children or without, have really gotten, um, obsessed with Encanto, and there are not yet easily purchasable Encanto costumes. And my girls were like, oh, we're gonna go as the family Madrigal. And I'm like, well, I don't think we are, my friends, because those costumes are not yet available for purchase on Amazon or anyplace else at the moment. So there's anyone out there who wants to make a quick turnaround for Purim, I think there's a whole market out there for, uh, Mirabel and Bruno costumes.

We still have a month. There's a month to go until those costumes—

a lot can happen.

So I mean, speaking of Purim, So have you seen the full moon recently, Jodi?

Yes, it's amazing. It looked so cool last night.

It's so beautiful, and that's because about 2 weeks ago we welcomed the new Hebrew month of Adar. And there's this teaching that says, "Mishenichnas Adar marbim besimcha." When Adar enters, we increase in joy. And that new moon this year actually overlapped with another critical holiday, Groundhog Day. So first of all, this year I think when the groundhog saw her shadow, She was like, "OMFG, 8 more weeks of Adar!" Because it's a leap year, which is mostly because people needed lead time on their Encanto costumes.

Obviously.

But also because, well, I wonder why, and that's what we're going to talk about. What are we going to do with this 8 weeks of joy that we're sort of expected, instructed, encouraged to experience? How are we going to manage that expectation this year?

I mean, 8 weeks of mandatory joy, like a double dose of Adar. It's pretty good. You know, last year, Jen, we talked about how Purim is the mandatory fun holiday. And, and frankly, the— it did sort of hit us at a fun time because vaccines had arrived. Everyone we knew was just starting to get vaccinated. We interviewed our friend Rabbi Leah Berkowitz about her amazing book, Vashti's Comfy Pants. And at that time, it was the 1-year anniversary of that real noticeable start of the pandemic in our lives.

Yeah, so many of our offices looked like Purim frozen in time. When I came back to my office many months later, Snuffleupagus was awaiting me, uh, very bright orange costume. I really liked that costume. It was really comfortable because it had, it had Snuffleupagus yoga pant leggings as part of the costume.

Oh, that's amazing.

It was great. So how are you feeling about joy right now? How do you think we can take this invitation from the month of Adar to increase in joy?

Well, you know, I think probably like many of our listeners, it feels like we're— I'm like coming down off of the intensity of the Omicron surge, right? Like sort of just like coming back to life. So I am trying to focus on all of the small joys, like, like little one foot in front of the other baby step kinds of joy. So For me, one of the greatest joys in my life is that first iced coffee that I drink in the morning. Another joy is when I get to the fridge and my husband hasn't finished all of the cans of seltzer and there's a grapefruit Polar waiting for me, ice cold, ready to be cracked open. You know, it's, it's not the big loud sort of life-changing joys, but I, I for one am, I'm trying to lean into all of those tiny little Daily joys. What about you?

I love it. Like the little joys.

I'm one.

I hope they have grapefruit seltzer in Israel. Like, I'm worried for you.

I'm worried for me too. And I don't think they do. And I'm just— I'm trying to prepare myself, really.

I think we have Mayim Im Gaz.

Better.

And you can get a grapefruit from the shuk.

It's true. No, I mean, I will. I will be okay. I will make do. I'll survive somehow.

Very, very concerned about you. Getting your tiny sips of joy. Um, I like the idea of small joys as well, right? Just the little things that don't have to be grand gestures, but just, you know, that same— same for me with the cold brew, the first sip of like, ah, I am reinvigorated, I am alive again. Um, it's harder for me though being told to be joyful. Yeah, you know, even in my 30s, I don't like being told what to do. But I really appreciate the wisdom of our Hebrew months in general. And I think this year we really need 8 weeks of joy. And that's because I think, given what you said about how we're sort of like returning to life after Omicron, winter, 8 weeks gives us time to ease in. And I often talk about incremental change, and I think we need a long wind-up. You know, the weather is warming, we're coming out of hibernation, we can still see the shadows of this past winter. Lots of snow still. But as we notice it's on the horizon, we can really ease into that joy. It's not like we have to bust out with happy, happy, joy, joy, the day Adar begins, even though there is literally a song that does that in Hebrew. Um, I think that we are allowed to lean into joy.

I have to say that the thing that has helped me do that the most, even amidst a time where just like in my personal world, it's been like a little bit hectic recently, there's been a lot going on. You know, nothing like a phone call from the school nurse in the middle of your first work day being like, your kid is 103, and you know, like that type of stuff going on recently. I have found that the, the best way to lean into it— and I, and I'm gonna remember what you just said right now about like, we have 8 weeks because we have 8 weeks to sort of build up to it— is I am just trying to slow down. Like, I'm actually, I'm just trying to do less. Actually, I think the most joyful moment I can identify in my past week was the other night, I put my phone in the other room. And I let my kid just be in charge of bedtime. Like, I just followed her, you know, it was like, she wanted to take a bath, not a shower. So we sat and took a bath and not a shower. And then like, she wanted to keep playing. Like, I just sort of followed her and didn't try to control the time. And I wasn't distracted by anything else. And that was truly, like, the most joyful. So I think for me, that's what I'm going to try to remember to do for the next however long we have until Adar is over, right? It's just slow down, do less, and I bet it will be more joyful. That's my hope.

On Saturday, um, because it was 50 degrees in Boston, we went with our friend Rabbi Julie Bressler to this outdoor covered greenhouse. And I'm not really able to be a day drinker anymore, but we did, um, a cider tasting, and it was like little cups of joy. Dip, um, some better than others. Thank you, Lookout Farm, we loved it. Um, and I'm also thinking about— so I decided that we needed to like get out of the house because we're stir crazy. And so I got so excited because I booked an igloo downtown, but then I, I wanted to surprise Matan, but then I couldn't keep the surprise, so I told him, but he has already forgotten. So it's— he's getting surprised again on Sunday, and I feel like Right? Like, it's like double the joy, leaning in. It accomplished all of our inner needs, and I can't wait. So there are actually many words for joy in Hebrew, which gives us even more options about how we might accept the invitation. So there's simcha, which is, you know, mar bim b'simcha, which is happiness more generally, and often used to refer to a celebration. You know, we're going to that family simcha. It's a b'mitzvah. It's a wedding. I think I might have said this before, but it's the name my parents' friends thought they should give me when I was born on Simchat Torah. But thank God they went for the Knoxville, Tennessee, 1982 super popular name of Jennifer. So that's Simchat, which I think is kind of like the most emblematic, you know, a Purim party, a wedding celebration, a baby naming, paying off your loans joy type thing.

Hmm. I love simcha. There's also ora, which is really about light but can refer to joy and happiness too. So that sense that feeling joy brings you light and maybe a feeling of lightness. There's also rinah, which means a refreshing happiness, which I love to think about.

And alongside rinah, and mentioned in the Sheva Brachot, or gila, which is an exuberant outburst of joy like the happiness of discovery. There's ditsa, which is sublime joy, as well as sasson, which is part of my brother's Hebrew name. Which is sort of a sudden, unexpected happiness.

And all of these lead us to a great word, osher, which is this sort of deeper, longer-lasting happiness. And perhaps the one I like most of all, chedva, which is about the happiness of being together, the happiness of togetherness, which is so good.

Yeah. Estelle Frankl writes in her book Sacred Therapy about this word chedva. It actually shares the same root with the Hebrew word for oneness, echad. And so she teaches this, quote, "We experience joy when we feel a sense of oneness and connectedness. This is the central aim of all Jewish spiritual healing, to restore a sense of unity, joy, and connectedness in a world in which brokenness seems inevitable." Estelle, yes.

Yeah, I think, you know, chatzva feels like that exuberant feeling of gathering for Purim, maybe this year even more so as many communities gather in person for the first time in 2 years. I'm feeling that sense of chadva as I get ready to go off on my sabbatical or seeing my family on vacation.

It feels like a real deep joy that I hope we can reach, but at our own pace. So yeah, when a dar enters, joy increases, but be gracious with yourself as you allow the experiences of joy to find its way within you. Section 2.

So Jen, one of the conversations that you and I have had a lot recently, it's about how We're just kind of burnt out on being burnt out. Like, how many times can we talk about how the pandemic sucked and we're tired of being tired? And I'd be curious to know from our listeners if they can relate to this feeling of intensity around COVID in these short sprints, right? Like, so most recently with Omicron, and then that post-sprint feeling of wanting to just ignore it and be totally done.

Yeah, probably middle ground would be a healthier way forward. But finding that inner strength to pick— to take a middle path is harder and harder for a lot of people, right?

And so, you know, we, we mentioned earlier how last year we were in that place of feeling like Adar and Purim. There's a lot of wisdom in being mandated to have joy and mandated to be happy. And of course, we're in a different place now than we were then. So it occurs to me that part of what has changed is that now I think some of us are having a harder time moving out of the trauma, like away from the focus on fear and restrictions. And so here is where the Jewish tradition comes in with the win once again, with a total gem of wisdom on how to deal with those big, bad, hard things and still move forward with joy. An ancient prescription, if you will, for compartmentalizing and dealing with the hard stuff.

So here's the context. On that Shabbat before Purim each year, the Jewish calendar pops in with a special Shabbat called Shabbat Zachor, literally the Shabbat of Memory. And so we have to ask, what is it exactly that we're supposed to remember?

Amalek! Boo! Yep, the biblical bad guy to end all bad guys. The person who will be conflated with every bad guy throughout Jewish history, from Haman to Hitler. In the Torah portion that we read on Shabbat Zachor, we are reminded of the story of Amalek, who famously attacked the children of Israel, coming up on them from behind, killing all of the women and children first, because who else would be trailing behind?

It doesn't get more biblical bad guy than that.

Exactly. So on Shabbat Zachor, that Shabbat of memory, it would appear that the thing we're supposed to remember is Amalek. But here's where I think it gets really good. The Torah portion is actually a little more nuanced than that. So the first part of the verse about Amalek reads, "Zachor et mash'a asa lecha Amalek," remember that which Amalek did to you on your way out of Egypt. But then the portion continues and we read, "Timcheh et zecher Amalek," which means blot out the memory of Amalek from under the heavens. So there's two commandments here. First, to zachor, to remember. The second, timcheh, which is a great Hebrew word, to blot out. And it would seem maybe at first glance that the two aspects of this commandment are sort of at odds with each other.

Yeah. So how do we simultaneously remember what Amalek did to us and yet block out the memory of Amalek? This question feels more real than ever to me. What kind of mental gymnastics do we have to do in order to simultaneously remember and blot out the memory of insert bad guy, Amalek, the past 2 years, other folks who have failed us in positions of leadership, right? And so on and so forth.

I mean, I think that's— I mean, to me, that exactly, that what you just said is the spiritual challenge for this moment. How do we not forget, but also maybe blot out the edges of Amalek, or the memory of trauma and the things that have been painful over these last years? How do we blot out those images and make them a little less sharp in our mind.

Yeah, that's the tension we currently live in. How do we remember Amalek? How do we acknowledge, face, stand up to, mourn, and speak out against the acts that threaten the weakest and the weariest among us? But also, how do we blot it out? Which is to say, how do we soften the edges of all the bad stuff so that we can continue to live our daily lives?

The thing that I love about that word timcha is that when we blot something out, we make it a little less vivid and recognizable. When we blot out Amalek, or to move away from the metaphor to the more tangible, right, when we blot out and dull the edges of antisemitism in America, or the horrors of inequality that COVID has exposed, or name any of the things that feel like the evils of our time, when we blot it out, maybe it helps us to see them a little less, which honestly I think is a good thing.

Totally. I think that is exactly it. We can remember but not linger on the details of evil for all time. It's really an ancient prescription for how to compartmentalize and not only live in the tough places. There's a great analogy about how our— there's a great analogy about how our human brains handle memory. Neuropsychologist Nick— neuropsychologist Rick Hanson writes, quote, "It is as if our brains are Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive in our lives. So why not let the Velcro get a little dulled and less sticky?" I think that's just right.

So that is my goal for the rest of Adar. I think it's the only way to move forward, balancing out that deeply Jewish imperative to remember and also practicing the art of timche, of blotting it out of focusing a little bit less on the details of everything that challenges us. I think it's possible to remember Amélie, to remember Collierville, to remember banned books and rising COVID rates and a broken justice system, but also to blot the lines a little bit and perhaps to let our eyes and our hearts land on the beautiful things in our world that bring us joy just a bit more.

I love that. So we want to offer all of you a blessing, and and this time it's the words of David Whyte from his book Consolations on the chapter of joy. So we bless you with, with this hope and this sense that he so beautifully articulates.

To feel a full and untrammeled joy is to have become fully generous. To allow ourselves to be joyful is to have walked through the doorway of fear The dropping away of the anxious, worried self felt like a thankful death itself, a disappearance, a giving away, overheard in the laughter of friendship.

The vulnerability of happiness felt suddenly as a strength, a solace, and a source. The claiming of our place in the living conversation, the sheer privilege of being in the presence of a mountain, a sky, or a well-loved familiar face. I was here and you were here, and together we made a world. May we all be blessed with chedvah, the joy of community. Amen.

This episode of the OMFG podcast was brought to you by rabbis Jen Gubitz and Jodi Gordon, editing by Jesse Ulrich, and snark straight from Adonai.