Purim: the Mandatory Fun Episode

Hey there, my name is Rabbi Jen Gubitz, and I'm pumped to be joined by Rabbi Jodi Gordon as we welcome you to the OMFG podcast, Jewish wisdom for unprecedented times. Hey, Jodi.

Hey, Gubitz. OMFG, what a fabulous 4-letter word. Those 4 letters really do the trick from, "OMFG, why does daylight savings time exist?" to "OMFG, what do I do with all these radishes in my CSA?" As rabbis, we have come to know that when the stories of our lives meet the stories of Jewish tradition, transformation, growth, sometimes something awesome occurs.

Jodi and I are experts in the letters J and G: buying more books than we can read, group Purim costumes, and apricot hamantaschen. And we want to bring to you our conversations that express our love for Judaism and make it relevant in the world as we mine Jewish wisdom for strength and resilience in these unprecedented times with a dose of humor. Because as Victor Hugo said, laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

This week we are talking about Purim because it's Purim. So to warm us up, let's play Purim word association. All right, Jen, quick, tell me your best 3 Purim costumes ever?

Bacon in front of the Western Wall during Purim in Israel, and a tiny, a young Orthodox kid came up to me and said, "Are you meat?" And I said, "Ask your dad." What about you?

You go. Wicked Witch of the East, complete with tornado and Dorothy's house swirling over my witch's hat and the ruby slippers. What else you got, Jen?

So when I was a kid, my mom was a Jewish educator and would kind of roll me out of bed in the morning, hand me a wooden spoon. I'd wear my nightgown and not brush my hair, and I would be Zeresh, Haman's wife, for Purim.

That's, that's like a deep cut. That's, that's like the hashtag, you know your mom's a Jewish educator. Okay, my next favorite costume was a homemade Hello Kitty costume that my mom made me probably circa 1985, and she made it for Halloween, but I'm going to assume that I repurposed it for Purim that year.

Any others?

Recently, I mean, at this point, 5 years ago, our Purim carnival theme at my synagogue was Candyland, and I was a very pregnant Queen Frostine, and a lovely second grader came up and asked if I'd eaten too much candy. Oi!

This week we're thinking about Purim, about masks and what's underneath them, and about joy. Purim is the holiday that fits well into the trope of many Jewish holidays, which is that they tried to kill us, we won, let's eat. Recounted in Megillat Esther, the scroll or book of Esther, the story goes that King Hashverosh had a wife named Queen Vashti, and he demands that she come dance at a feast. And she says, "No!" We'll hear more about that later. So the king's advisors worked to get him a new queen from the land of Shushan. Some people refer to it as a beauty pageant, but the Hebrew is pretty clear that the new person is taken for this responsibility, and it's Queen Esther. Now this is top secret: Queen Esther is Jewish, and as a member of the king's family, she overhears that there is this mean, cruel guy named Haman. Boo!

Boo!

Who wanted to kill all the Jews. With the help of her cousin Mordechai, she reveals her true identity to the king to ensure his promise to save the Jewish people. And then the thing they don't tell you in Hebrew school is that they massacre Haman and his sons. And then we eat.

This is sometimes an unpopular opinion, which I don't get at all, but I love Purim. I have a feeling that the people who don't like Purim are uncomfortable with costumes maybe, or maybe they just don't like having fun. I don't know. But there's a few things in particular that I think are worth saying about Purim. And one is that I think that it's this holiday that so much of the tradition and the things that sort of most of us, quote unquote, like to think about as having to do with Purim are actually American Jewish inventions. Or conventions would be a better way of saying it. I learned recently that the very first thing that looked like a Purim carnival took place in Baltimore at the Baltimore Hebrew Reform Congregation in the early 1900s, and the flyer for it said, "All children are invited to come and celebrate Purim, and we'll give ice cream and play games," which means we've been concerned with engagement and getting young people in the door for Jewish holidays for a really long time. So perhaps you didn't grow up with a Purim carnival, but I do think it is this amazing way in which we do model for our young people and our young-at-heart people that being Jewish isn't always about literally being a Jew in the pew, right? It's not always about sort of having your tush in a seat and listening to the rabbi talk, right? That being Jewish actually can be really joyful. And so one thing I want to say is I think mandatory fun is cool. I'm into mandatory fun. I'm into, you know, being told, "Mi she-nichnas Adar marbim b'simcha," which is this amazing teaching about the month that Purim falls in, which is once you enter the month of Adar, joy will increase. And we'll talk a little bit more about that later. So why do I love Purim? One, mandatory fun is cool. And my other big reason for loving Purim is we have two amazing heroines, two amazing sort of feminine archetypes. And there's this one moment in the, in the, in sort of the telling of what's going on with Queen Esther I come back to a lot in the last few years, which is her uncle or cousin, male relative, Mordecai, is encouraging her to step forward and tell the king about Haman's dastardly plan to kill the Jews, right? To basically out herself as a Jew and say, you know, you have to stop this. And he says to her, maybe this is the moment you were born for. And I think it's this just like amazing moment, A, that we put the fate of the Jewish people on the shoulders of a woman, like glory, glory, hallelujah. That's a great thing. But also this moment of just of saying like, what does it mean to say like, this could be the moment you're born for? And I think about that all the time. I think about it a lot over the course of the past 4 years. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on why I love Purim.

Solid reasons. I totally hear you. I have mixed feelings about Purim. Mandatory fun and costumes I'm down with. Carnivals, good time. I do want to dedicate this episode to the memory of all of the goldfish that have been won and subsequently died at Purim carnivals. I imagine there's sort of a world to come where all of those goldfish are just waiting for us. And they're probably not too thrilled with us, but Purim has always shown up at a weird time in my life. My second year of rabbinical school, a camper of mine, Jonah, died. And his funeral was during a service I had to lead to celebrate Purim. The next year, my grandmother died the night before. So she was older and sick, but Jonah was young and vibrant, and it felt flipped and farcical to be forced into joy at school while I knew this ritual of burial was going on that I couldn't attend. But as I thought about it, I realized that's actually embedded in the holiday. There's this phrase that we say, "V'nahafokh hu," which is that everything is flipped. And the Purim story is, is exactly that. It's a farce. It doesn't really make sense. It reads more like a comedy or a play, and God is absent from it as well. There's the whole performance thing going on of multiple feasts and entertainment and celebration, but it's what's going on behind the scenes that really matters, which is what Esther is doing to save her people. And I think that's kind of like our lives. Sometimes there are big things happening that everyone can see, and then often behind the scenes or behind the mask, there's another story happening. So I do like the idea of masking and unmasking ourselves, revealing injustice, uncovering identity. And I do love a good party, and its timing lines up really well with Mardi Gras and other Carnival celebrations around the world. And this year, I feel like we really need Purim. In fact, for many of us, the last time we gathered as a group in person was to celebrate Purim. And I'm sure none of us ever imagined then that our costume masks would turn into safety masks. And so here we are now, almost a year later. My question is, if everything is flipped anyways, why shouldn't we have a good time?

It's a good question. And one that— it's that thing that I love about the Jewish calendar where the Jewish calendar tells us what to do. So that amazing phrase one more time, Mishenichnas Adar, one who enters into the month of Adar, marbim b'simcha, will increase in joy. One of my favorite memories of learning this phrase was of my year in Israel, of walking around. I had a friend visiting from New York. Who had never been to Israel before. And we were taking a walk around Jerusalem and we were sort of coming down from this fairly, let's just call it a traditionally observant neighborhood called Mea Shearim. And as we made our way from Mea Shearim down toward Nachlaot and down toward the shuk or the open-air market, all of a sudden there was one boy and then there was two boy. And suddenly we were surrounded. I mean, we weren't in the middle, but we were just everywhere for all of these young schoolboys coming out of school singing, "Mishen mishen mishen mishen mishen mishen mishen mishen mishen mishen nihnas Adar." And the irony in that moment is that it was a cold and rainy day in Jerusalem. It was the middle of the afternoon. And I just had this great moment of being like, yep, you know what? I'll take it. Like, the time is here. Adar has arrived. Let's be joyful. The other thing that I think is so great about this idea that all we need to do to increase our joy is to sort of let Adar happen to us is that we've also been living in time outside of time for a year. I mean, it will be a full year very, very soon. And Purim is exactly that marker for those of us in the Jewish community who, you know, in our case, we had our Purim spiel or our Purim play. I think it was a Tuesday night last year. And our Purim carnival was meant to be that Sunday. And by Wednesday, it was clear to us that we were going to be closing our doors to in-person programming. So we had our Purim spiel, but not our Purim carnival. And it's been a year and it's been hard to mark time. And we have watched sort of the months come and go with a lot of sort of things flipped, right? Of things being sort of upside down on their head. And so to land back in this place and now, you know, Rosh Chodesh Adar arrives and tells us Adar is here and you're going to be joyful. I'm sort of, I'm willing to take it. Like I will take my joy where I can find it. And if the calendar wants to tell me that there is something embedded or encoded in this time of the year, that will increase my joy, well then I just say bring it. Jen Gubitz.

Jodi, this is a huge moment. Our very first friend is joining us on the OMFG podcast. I'm so excited that Rabbi Leah Berkowitz is here with us today to talk about her new book and share some wisdom about Purim.

Hi, I'm Rabbi Leah Berkowitz. I am the rabbi of Congregation Kol Ami in Elkins Park, Pennsylvania, and I am the author of many essays and other projects, but also two children's books, The World Needs Beautiful Things, and my very latest children's book, Queen Vashti's Comfy Pants, which is a Purim story. And I actually wrote it way before we were all wearing comfy pants all the time. And so now I think comfy pants are a normal part of the everyday work wardrobe. So are you both wearing comfy pants now?

Totally. I'm wearing comfy pants that have the constellations on them. Jodi, are you wearing them too?

So I'm just gonna tag in to say that I'm not wearing them right now, but if you had asked more specifically, what's your favorite comfy pants? Shout out to the Stars Above line at Target, which makes currently all of my favorite, favorite comfy pants, including this great pair that has the constellations on them, which I apparently told Jen she needed as well, and she's wearing right now.

So.

But I am wearing comfy pants, you know, a good old pair of Gap Flex Fits. They always do the trick.

So Leah, what do comfy pants have to do with Vashti and Purim?

Well, in the actual story in the Bible, there is no mention of comfy pants. There is no mention of clothing at all, which leads some rabbis to suggest that Vashti was asked to come before the king naked. And there isn't a lot about Vashti in the Bible. She's really only in the first chapter and I've sort of fallen in love with her over the years. And I tried to imagine, and this is part of the process of midrash, of writing stories about stories in the Bible. I tried to imagine why she would say no to the king, why she would decide not to come to the party. And really what I came down to is why would I not want to go to a party? And it's usually because I'm already home in my comfy pants, and I don't feel like getting dressed up and going out again. So I imagined what it would be like if Vashti had that same reason for not wanting to go to the party.

So this book is already a huge hit with some first graders that I know, and their parents, it turns out. And I'm thinking about sort of myself as a first grader. You mentioned, you know, these two queens, and I grew up with a Purim story where somehow it was written into my head like Esther was good, Vashti was bad, right? Even her name Vashti has like that, that sound to it, that's something different. So if you were getting ready to hand your book to, you know, some unsuspecting first grader, you know, how do you explain Vashti? How do you explain what Vashti does before maybe they get to read the story?

Yes, so what Vashti does in the plain text, which really is kind of a— I would say it's sort of a neutral thing that she does It's definitely bad to the people who are in the story, and it's been interpreted as bad by many generations of rabbis. And she decides she doesn't want to come to this party, and she gets kicked out for doing it. So she takes a risk. She says something that she doesn't want to do, and she says no even when there's a lot of social pressure on her. And she has a consequence for it. Now, in my story, she has a much better ending. She gets to go off and have an adventure as opposed to being banished and just sent out of the kingdom.

So what you're saying is it's possible to not be just Team Vashti or Team Esther, that there's this like whole other story there.

Yes, there was an article that I was reading a couple years ago where they were really critical. This author was really critical of people who elevated Vashti. They were saying, you know, Vashti is now becoming this feminist icon because she said no to the king. And then we're sort of getting rid of Esther because she was obedient or because she was feminine. And that's where her power came from. And really, it doesn't have to be either or. It doesn't have to be, as you said, team Vashti or team Esther. We need a lot of different kinds of role models, and we don't even need to be Vashti or Esther our entire lives or in every moment or even in the course of a day. And you have little girls at home, and I'm sure they have lots of Esther moments and lots of Vashti moments, however we might define that. So it's good to be able to see different kinds of characters in a book. And there's actually a little note in the back of the book saying that I used to dress up as Esther because Esther was, when I was Growing up, Esther was the good queen, and Vashti, you know, I had a rebellious cousin who always played Vashti because that was who she identified with. And it wasn't until I was an adult and I was in some ways defying some gender norms that I started to really identify with Vashti and think she kind of got a raw deal.

So what are you gonna do, and I guess what are you gonna wear for Purim this year?

I celebrate by making hamantaschen, which I send out to lots of friends, including a couple of my friends who are priests. And for the synagogue, I always write the Purim spiel. This year I actually got some great help from some of my congregants. And I always play Vashti. This year our Purim spiel is pandemic-themed. So rather than pick like a musical or movie, I picked all sorts of songs about people touching or not touching. So Vashti is going to be dressed in like PPE and sing the Police's "Don't Stand So Close." close to me.

I love it, I love it. Well, I hope that whatever your costume is, that it's comfortable.

Well, I'm going to be doing the Purim spiel from this table that I am doing this podcast from, so I really only have to be dressed from— in my costume from, you know, the collarbones up, otherwise known as a Zoom mullet. So it'll be very, very comfy.

Where should people go buy Queen Vashti's comfy pants?

The way that I would most love for people to buy this book is to order it from your local bookstore because that is a great way to support local businesses. It is also a great way to let your local bookstore know that my book is out and that they might want to order some more copies of it. And then you can also get it directly from the Bearman House website.

Awesome. Thank you, Leah, and thank you for bringing light to Vashti's story and really uncovering some of the untold stories that we need to know.

Well, thank you for having me. And I just have to ask, who are you going to be for Purim this year?

Oh, well, I specialize in Purim group costumes. Comfort was a critical aspect. I'm usually the one who decides the costume, or at least purchases them. And so this year we're going for imagination so that we can imagine our way out of this moment in time. And we have unicorn onesies, comfy and flashy and sparkly and unicorn hair. So Jodi, I have two critical questions to ask you. The first one is, why do grocery stores have hamantaschen all year long? And especially, why do they put them out during Passover? Let's let that question hang. I'm not sure that any investigative reporting could really fully help us understand what's going on there. But my second question is, who? Who is your favorite Purim character?

There is no question. In my mind that the absolute ultimate Purim character is Queen Vashti.

Since we've convinced you that this year we need Purim and we are excited for the Hebrew month of Adar, you might be wondering, how am I supposed to celebrate Purim from home? So we're excited to bring you the OMFG Guide to Celebrating Purim in a Pandemic. Number 1, achat, is the value called matanot le'evyonim, giving gifts or charity to people who need it. So this is a great moment to make a contribution to a food bank, to donate clothing. Some communities have Jewish charities that collect specifically around this time of year to help families of all faith traditions in dire need. Matanot le'evyonim, give charity and love. To people who need it.

Number 2, shtayim, one of my personal favorites, the Purim custom of mishloach manot, or again, giving gifts, but this time to your friends and neighbors and people you love. Now, this is where I think, you know, sort of pandemic be damned, we can do this and we can do this beautifully. So you could have a friend who you think could use a little Purim joy, and perhaps you might use a website to send them boxes of Oreos or Lucky Charms. Or a small food gift. Now, traditionally, a mishloach manot, sort of a Purim gift, should have something to eat and something to drink. And then there's all sorts of ways that you can sort of amplify it from there. But I think our listeners could probably get creative, and we would love to hear all of the incredibly creative and awesome ways you come up with to send your friends a little Purim joy through the mail. And let's support the USPS.

I feel like I've actually been fulfilling this obligation all year. Because gift giving is my love language. So this summer I was sending Aperol Spritz gifts to people through Drizzly, which was really my desire to say to them, l'chaim, cheers to life.

One other idea, something I myself have done this year. Let's say you're not really interested in, you know, giving money to the big corporate powers that ship these things off into the world for you. Maybe you have a pair of earrings sitting in your dresser drawer that you never wear, but you have a friend who you know would love them. This is the perfect time. To wrap them up in some tissues, put them in an envelope, send them off into the mail. You can get creative, you can get homemade, but the whole idea is that you send off a little joy.

Number 3. Shalosh! Wear a costume, even if it's the only part of your body that fits in a Zoom screen. Double down on costumes, on wigs, on funny hats. Dress up your tiny humans if you have them, your partner if you have them, your roommate. Your dog, walk around your neighborhood wearing a costume, bring joy to other people. Why not?

Jen, I have a question. I don't know if it's a halachic question or a Jewish philosophical question, but would a Zoom filter count as a costume?

Like, what if you just showed up to your Zoom Purim party as a kitten and said, "I'm not a kitten, I'm here!" You know, Jodi, As a rabbinic decisor of humor, which is the most critical part of Jewish living, I want to say that whatever you do, if it's a filter, if it's like poking an eyes and mouth in your toast and then holding it up in front of your face and calling that a costume, I want to say kosher. It counts. It is acceptable. Final question. Jodi, flavors of hamantaschen. This is another great debate, really, that has endured throughout all of Jewish history. How do you feel about the following toppings in your hamantaschen? Ready?

I'm ready.

Prune?

Eh.

Poppy seed? I mean, mohn.

I mean, in honor of my grandpa Lou, fine.

Chocolate?

Oh, I'm in.

Strawberry or raspberry?

Okay, now see, now we're getting into my, like, not my sweet spot. I love a fruit-filled hamantaschen. So strawberry and raspberry, great.

Lemon?

Um, I could see how it would work.

Vote for your favorites on our Instagram @omfgjewish.

So this year I'm working with a great baker and she is producing everything bagel hamantaschen. And I feel like for a time such as this, we have arrived.

This is the moment we were made for.

This is the moment we were made for. The last thing I want to say is just that one time I tried to make hamantaschen with teens, and I'm not really great in the kitchen, especially not with baking. And so I thought I'd cut some corners and I used sliceable cookie dough. And I want folks to know that doesn't work. Happy Purim! We have a sneak peek of an upcoming episode. I'm so pumped to welcome Rabbi Jeff Stambaugh to the OMFG podcast. Hey, Jeff, what's your favorite F-word?

My favorite F-word is friend seder. Hi, I am Rabbi Jeff Stambaugh. I run The Well in Detroit, an organization geared towards the needs of young adults between the age of 22 and 40-ish at every life stage, and I am really excited to share with you about Friends Seder. Friends Seder is like what Friendsgiving is to Thanksgiving, but with bitter herbs. And for the past 2 years, friendseder.com has been a page aggregating resources, recipes, and a haggadah for you and your friends to get together before Passover and have your own experience, and then take something from that to your Passover experience. And this year we're making it a box a little kit and a game. Think digital, gamified, interactive Seder for young adults, and we would love for you to be part of it. Check out friendseder.com to register.