What's your spiritual mantra?

Hey there, my name is Rabbi Jodi Gordon, and I am pumped to be joined by my friend Rabbi Jen Gubitz as we welcome you to the OMFG podcast, Jewish wisdom for unprecedented times. Hey, Gubitz.

Hey, Jodi. OMFG, what a wonderful 4-letter word. And what does the F stand for? We'll never truly know. OMFG! These letters express so much about our lives in so little time. From exasperation to excitement, from grief to gratitude. And as rabbis, we have come to know that when the stories of our lives meet the stories of Jewish tradition, it's possible for transformation, for growth, for something awesome to occur.

Jen and I are experts in the initials J and G. Parenting, and getting married during a pandemic, as well as Torah and Aperol Spritz. And we want to bring you to our conversations that express our love for Jewish wisdom and make it relevant in the world as we mine Jewish wisdom for strength and resilience in these unprecedented times with a dose of humor, because laughing is like chicken soup for our souls.

And so this week we're talking about spiritual mantras. Those phrases we find ourselves saying all the time, short statements that bring us comfort, that challenge us to move through discomfort, that sustain focus and perseverance as we search for light in the darkness. Sometimes these phrases last a lifetime, and sometimes they only serve us for a particular moment. To distract myself this week, I did some high-level research and asked in the Jewish Families of Greater Boston Facebook group What is your spiritual mantra? I got some great answers like, "Eat all the chocolate." She give me chocolate. She didn't try nothing else.

She give me chocolate.

And, "Eat dessert first. Life is uncertain," which felt very sugar forward. And then some like, "Everything's gonna be all right," and "One day at a time," which someone noted they used from their time in AA.

So Jen, what are your spiritual mantras?

So there are things I say all the time depending on the situation, but one that sticks out to me especially is gam zeh ya'avor, this too shall pass. What does it mean that this too shall pass? So you can imagine in a moment of grief and sadness that knowing that that moment in time will not last forever, that it will pass, can bring relief. A sense of moving forward with your life. But it also means that in a time of great joy, as you are dancing the hora or welcoming a new person into your family or feeling extreme pride for an accomplishment, it also means that that moment will pass. And so it's constantly reminding yourself that nothing is permanent. And that means that our lives go from joy to sadness and joy to sadness and back to joy again. And sometimes we get to sustain that joy, and sometimes we find ourselves sitting in sadness longer than we had hoped. But this too shall pass promises that you will always have a chance to find joy again. What about you?

I was thinking about this and getting ready for us to get to spend this time together today, and I was remembering where I first got this idea of a spiritual mantra from, which was during our time at the esteemed Hebrew Union College Jewish Institute of Religion in New York, where I had a spiritual director. It's not therapy, but it's a little bit therapy. And it's like, it's therapy literally for your soul, which somehow feels different. So I had this amazing spiritual director. Her name was Rabbi Yael Levy. And at a really hard time in my life, when I really, I would come to spiritual direction and it felt like the one place where I could just sort of sit and cry and maybe not have to answer questions about it. She asked me, like, do you have a spiritual mantra? And I really, like, I'm still not much of a meditation person, so I should put that out there. And I totally associated the idea of having a mantra to begin with, with being somebody who had the capacity to meditate. And so I wasn't super into it at first. But she really, she framed it for me this way, right? Like a spiritual mantra is your core text, right? Either a word or a phrase that, like, it just can sit on your heart and stay there and it can, and you can come to it whenever you need to. And at that moment, it sort of, it did click for me. And so my first spiritual mantra, and I think it's like, it's like, you'll always have like a little bit of love for your first love. I'll always have some love and resonance with my first mantra. My first spiritual mantra was Oziv zimrat Yah by Yehili Leshua. These are these great words. I'll say what they mean in a minute, but there are these great words. And Moses says them when he's standing at the edge of the sea and has no idea what's about to happen next. Right? Like the sea has parted, but it's still not totally clear that they're going to get across safely and that they're going to make it to that other side to freedom. And Moses says, "Ozi v'zimrat ya," my strength is my song.

Ozi v'zimrat ya.

Vayehili l'shua. [FOREIGN LANGUAGE] Right, and God and that song will be my salvation. And you know, Jen, something else you and I share in common is we both like to sing. And I often find, especially as a rabbi, but maybe in life, I think also sometimes as a parent, that like singing is what I go to when I actually don't want to talk. You know, like there's something about music that can fill that space in a different way. And so Ozi V'zimrat Yah really, it landed for me as Like, my strength can be my song, and like, that song can sit on my heart and carry me through. And I actually, you know, OMFG, there's a G there, that's maybe sometimes we'll talk about God. But I think that kind of is my theology. Even where there are times where that mantra doesn't feel like it's one, it like fits all the time, you know, 7 years later or however long since I first developed it, but I really, I really like it, and I like having the idea of it because it's a song that actually comes up in my life a lot, right? Like, it's a song that in our congregation, in various settings, like, I have the opportunity to sing a lot, and it feels like one of those, like, God wink moments, right? Where this— when the song finds me and I'm reminded of it, if I haven't heard it, sung it, thought about it in a little while, right? To have, like, a reminder of something that is somehow in your core like a mantra, it feels, you know, like there's meaning there. There's something maybe that the universe is trying to tell you.

That's so beautiful. It is true that music gives us a language, whether there's words attached to it or not, whether it's a wordless nigun melody, when words themselves can't suffice. So I love, I love that. And I also love the idea that Moses, like, that's how he got through that moment. Was the song of the sea. He could have given a speech. He did a lot of speeches.

Plenty of people who in that moment like would have just started talking. Yeah.

I did spiritual direction and I did it because it seemed like the school was offering it, so I was going to try it. And I remember the spiritual director said to me, you know, if you feel like— I felt lonely in my life at that moment. And she said, well, if you don't feel like there's anyone there to listen to you, just talk to God. And I thought, okay, cool. No more spiritual direction for me.

Totally. I paused for a second to be like, I'm not going to say what I would have said until Jen says what she was going to say. But yeah, right.

But that's changed for me too. And I understand what she meant by that, even though at the time I was like, no, I want a boyfriend. Not a— I don't need God. I need a boyfriend. That was really what I was going for.

Something in a human form is really more along the lines of what I'm looking for. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's another one. So I I think something that I'm noticing about the two mantras I picked is that they're very balanced and they keep me in balance. I'm a Libra, so that's my astrological sign is to stay in balance. But the other one is from a Hasidic tale that we should have two messages in our pocket, one in each pocket. So I always— this is why, like, when you buy a dress and it has pockets, it's for this story. On one note, you're supposed to write, "For my sake, the world was created." for all those moments when you're like, I'm not good enough, no one wants to hear my voice, I'm not becoming the person I thought I would be, or someone's telling you that, that you're not as good as you think you are, pull out this note and it says, for my sake the world was created, which is huge to imagine that the world exists so that you could live in it. And for the moments when you are really into yourself in ways that are not healthy, taking up too much space and how much you speak in a group, or feeling really proud of something that maybe you worked really hard on, but that's not getting the attention that you wanted it to get. But when you feel really egotistical and you can notice it, you pull out this note that says, "I am but dust and ashes. I am literally the particles that make up creation. That's all I am. I am, you know, a speck of sand in the hourglass of time. I am but dust and ashes." I think keeps us balanced so that we can know that some days one is true, some days both are true. And it just depends at which time of day you pull out that note to get yourself back on track.

I think it's worth noting that we are recording this episode together on Thursday, November 5th, in the middle of the afternoon. That we have been sitting in this place of mystery and anticipation. And that having a conversation about spiritual mantras doesn't come out of nowhere, right? That I think this has been a week where I think a lot of us have been trying to do, whether you call it a spiritual mantra or an affirmation, right? But I think there's something that we're circling around here between gam zeh ya'avor, right? Like this too shall pass. And those moments of needing to remind ourselves that the world was in fact created for us, like that there's room for us in the world. You know, I mentioned earlier that my first spiritual mantra, Oziv Azim Ratiah, came out of a place of like a really hard time. And I think that it's interesting to think about like, what's the soil out of which these needs grow? Which is also why I really like the I am but dust and ashes, because on the other hand, a good mantra prevents us from forgetting that we're but dust and ashes. And this, This has been a hard, I don't know, 4 years, week, 8 months.

What a time to be alive. What a time to be alive.

What a time to be alive. Totally. Do you know the Yiddish curse? You should live in interesting times. And that's like literally a curse. And here we are. So, you know, I'll tell the story because I think part of what we get to do in having this platform, right, is sort of tell stories that are true. My first spiritual mantra And my— that encounter with my spiritual director was in 2013 when I had just in the course of 12 weeks ridden the full spectrum of excitement from learning I was pregnant to learning I was no longer pregnant, which, you know, I think probably in our listenership, there are people who can identify and have had similar experiences. But in moments of the depths, like, is there a difference between the calling out and what's a mantra? And I think part of it is like what we want it to do for ourselves, right? Like how do we want it to work on us? How do we want it to transform us? So like, I think there is a difference between, you know, the, oh my goodness, I'm so sad, you know, to shorthand like a biblical tradition of Psalms and poetry of being in the depths, to, you know, to Gamze Ya'avor or Ozi Vezimrat Yah. So I asked some really smart people who I know and love, about their spiritual mantras, you know, thinking about like, where do they emerge from? And I had this interesting question come up when these two people gave me their answers of, do we as Jews in the world think that a spiritual mantra has to be Jewish? And I think, you know, it's a leading question because I think the answer is no. But I do think so much of the possibility for transformation, like it's there in our Jewish tradition, we can find the right words for it. But so I got two great answers. And one is the Serenity Prayer. So you brought up earlier that a lot of people who had responded to you, you know, pointed to recovery programs as a place where they had found language that could act as a mantra for them, right? So the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And this is one of my best friend's mantras. She actually told me last night, I had no idea this was true, that she has it on like an engraved little like stone statue sort of thing next to her bedside, which I don't know, I found surprising, but then also sort of exciting to be like, wow, like imagine being able to just see these words that could be your mantra in front of you all the time. And for the other person, for my sister-in-law, she was telling me that it's the Buddhist metta meditation, which we have talked about a little bit. And the Buddhist metta meditation says May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be peaceful. May you live with ease. And I think about like, so if the need for mantra isn't coming out of some personal sense of being in the depths, right, of, you know, wanting a real-life boyfriend or mourning the loss of— Found one. Found one. I know. Our listeners should know that Rabbi Jen Gubitz found that boyfriend and got married this past summer. And he's a good one too.

This too shall pass, joy.

But right, so there's like the version of needing a mantra where it's like, I want to find real love in my life, or I'm— I am mourning the loss of something that I wanted so badly, right? So there's that, there's this like, there's that version of the soil out of which this mantra can grow. But then what I loved about the Buddhist metta meditation, or the Serenity Prayer, as a mantra, right, is it's actually like a really proactive way of meeting the world, right? Of being like, the world is difficult. The world is filled with difficult situations and difficult people, right? And what does it mean to like look at the difficult situations, or to look at the difficult person in your life, and to still be able to say, like, I have the wisdom to know the difference, that I can't change you, or to look at that person and still say, like, may you be safe, may you be happy, may you be loved, may you know peace. Like, it's so generous. So I think that there's also the version of a mantra that, like, helps us grow, like, makes us better people, that isn't just a balm for our souls, but also, you know, it's like, it's Miracle-Gro, maybe, for our spiritual selves or something like that.

Alana Aryan has a beautiful setting of a Metta meditation combined with sort of the priestly benediction. And at the beginning of the pandemic, I had been working so hard to serve people and I hadn't taken a moment to have feelings and— or to at least express my feelings. And we were sitting eating dinner, watching her sing a concert, and she got to this Metta meditation and she got to the blessing of difficult people.

May you be safe. May you be free. May you have a space, space to just be.

And it just broke me open. I just cried. And I told her, I was like, "Cried today. Thank you for your assistance." It reminds me too, my version of that when I encounter difficult people is to say, "B'Tzelem Elohim," image of God, image of God, image of God, image of God, which is just to remind myself that even though I experience them as difficult, they are still holy humans who belong on this earth. For their sake, the world was created.

Can you hear that song? Can you hear that song? May you find your way back home. Can you hear our tone? Can you hear our tone? May you find your way back home.

I hate working out, and when I have to do difficult stuff, I really hate it, but I think of people who can't work out anymore, whether because their bodies won't allow for it or because they're not on this earth anymore. And I say their names over and over to give myself strength. And so while I'm doing crunches, my friend Alyssa Froman, who was supposed to be our colleague and rabbi, died. And I say on each side, Alyssa Froman, Alyssa Froman, to give myself this courage to keep going, sort of like in her memory, on her behalf for people who can't and like, I can do hard things, even though I hate crunches and working out. Mantras lead me to think about Mussar study. Mussar is this ethical spiritual tradition of becoming the best version of ourselves through Judaism, which is, I think, what you and I both love to do. And it's through character refinement. It's rooted originally in Torah, that you shall be holy, you shall pursue holiness. And it was picked up by Bachya ibn Pakuda. And then later on by Yisser El Salanter, and it's really become something that has taken the world by storm because everyone wants to be the best version of themselves, or at least everyone I know wants to be the best version of themselves. And one of the methods of Mussar study is that you learn about a value, a middah. So let's say humility, which is defined as how much space you take up in the world. And for 2 weeks or 1 to 2 weeks, you have a practice. And one of those practices is a mantra. That you're supposed to say at least every morning. Some people put it in their phone, some people put it by their bedside, engrave it, you know, like your friend did. And that mantra is, "No more than my space, no less than my place," which is to remind yourself of how much space you take up in relationships, at work, in your family. And I love it because if you don't do anything else with Musar, no one ever likes journaling, you say the mantra and that gets you from day to day to day. And the idea is that it's, it's not only is it character development, but it's actually habit forming. So you could just say it, but you could also believe what you're saying. Like, it's about saying out loud how you want to be in the world or what you need to hear. And if you can't get it from someone else, I feel like it's a self-soothing technique. Yeah.

Oh, that's so interesting. Right. I think it's, I think there's also a famous conversation with Barack Obama and Pete Souza, his photographer, that he's quoted as saying, like, "Hard things are hard." Like, right? Like, hard things are hard. And we don't have to pretend they're otherwise. So as we said earlier, right, that we're recording this on this election week. Some of us grew up with an experience of election night. And I think that's a reflection of the way in which the world has changed. And so this week, we've all had our patience tested. Tested. And one of our— another colleague of ours shared some great Torah yesterday about patience that comes out of the Mussar tradition, that comes out of this quest for self-refinement around the idea of patience, and that the Hebrew word for patience, savlanut, right? And then it shares the same grammatical root. And because Hebrew is built all around shared letter roots, it shares the same root as the word for to lug. Like to have to like sort of like carry or lug something heavy. And to me, that says like, right, patience doesn't have to be easy. No one's telling you that— like when we tell somebody else they need to be patient, right, how do we say it in a way that doesn't also imply that this shouldn't be hard?

It also shares the root with to suffer. And it's this question of how well can you suffer this?

Mm, right.

How well can you suffer this moment?

May I find space, space to just be.

So if someone doesn't have a spiritual mantra or has been searching for one and has never found quite the right words, you know, you and I can— we found them in Jewish tradition. And we've also discovered from other people that they exist in a lot of traditions. A lot of communities too. But what if I don't have one? What do I do? How do I find one?

The thing about a mantra is that it's, it's something you're meant to, to say and to repeat and to repeat and repeat and repeat. Like, I think of it as like words that should taste good in your mouth, that they should roll easily off the tongue. And so, you know, maybe those words come out of poetry, maybe they come out of music, maybe they come you know, out of words of a favorite character in a story that continues to inspire you years after you read it. But whatever it is, I feel like it's meant to be short. It's meant to be something that you can say and repeat easily, and words that sort of beautifully and accurately capture your sense of who you want to be in the world.

Can you hear that song? Can you hear that song?

May you find As a side note, I am but dust and ashes depends first of all where you put the comma and how many T's you put on. And one time I said to someone, who actually produces these two slips of paper as Judaica gifts. I said, what if you called it butt dust? B-U-T-T dust. And it didn't go over well. It really did not fit into her business plan. I thought that it was hilarious. This episode of the OMFG podcast, Jewish Wisdom for Unprecedented Times, was brought to you by Rabbis Jen Gubitz and Jodi Gordon. Audio editing by Leslie Gubitz. Art by Daniel Ben-Yishai. With musical selections by Ilana Aryan and Charlene Gubitz. And brought to you by the letter F.

Do you have a favorite F word?

Fish is my favorite F word.