Redefining Success: Building a Business Without Breaking Your Marriage

So here's the thing. Entrepreneurs, leaders, salespeople, we all want to create consistent, repeatable, and scalable ways to grow our business and our income. And we want to do it better, faster, and more seamlessly. Why? So we can actually enjoy our lives, take vacations, and spend the quality time we want with the people that we love. How do we do all this without spending a fortune or running ourselves ragged? That's the big question, and this show is dedicated to the answer. So if you're looking for a way to do way more referral business and have the life that you love, you're going to love today's show. Matt Farnham. What's up, man?

Thanks for having me, Tom. Excited to be here.

Yeah, we made it happen.

So.

So, Matt, that's a strong statement for me to come out and say if you want a killer business and an extraordinary life. So one thing I know to be true is a lot of people, a lot of people want to have it all, right? They want to have a great business, they want to have a great life. And for some people, it's just really hard for them to wrap their head around it. Right. Like the you and I have talked about the this and that versus this or that mentality. So. So as we just get started here, first, give them just context. Who's Matt Farnham? Where do you work? Give a sense of your business. Are you married? Are you single? Kids, divorce, where you at, all that stuff.

So. So I. I decided to buy my first home, get married, and start real estate all in the same month 21 years ago. So how awesome. We're recording this today on a Thursday. My 21st anniversary is tomorrow on Friday, so praise the LOR. Three kids, 17, 15 and 12. So I'm in the. The thick of it right now. The business has been solid. I've done it all from kind of rockstar, solo agent, ran a brokerage for 12 years where I thought if you had breath in your body, we hire you at a big office. And that's part of my story, you know, still your friendly neighborhood realtor selling 50 to 100 homes on top of all that.

Yeah.

Kind of hit that season of burnout. Not sure if we'll get into that or not. Which kind of led me to this new season I've been in the last few years, which has just been. Just really kind of found my lane kind of consistently in that 50 to 60 million small team. But actually on the plane coming to see you, Tom, I was excited to track this in the last four years I've averaged about 200 days in the office and 160 days out of the office.

I love that.

But what's so cool is, I don't know if you remember the lunch we had. Gosh, it was probably five years ago. Was it in Vegas?

In Vegas at the four years.

It was in Vegas. And I asked you one question.

Yeah.

I was in this season of just that burnout. I said, man, I just. I want more time with my family. And you said, you have to buy more freedom. You got to trade money for time. And it sounded so simple, but for me, it was. It was life changing. Yeah. I could go down a rabbit hole.

You were ready to hear it.

I was, yes.

So unpack that. Because I guarantee someone listening right now, Matt's like, oh, my God, he doesn't understand. He's going to tell me how to do even more business, and I don't have any more time. And I'm like, my relationship, my health and. Right.

Yeah.

So unpack it. Let's just go there.

Well, there's multiple parts to it. So, I mean, for me, I think a lot of the. The obstacle of getting more help than I currently had was, you know, we have these playbooks and we have these. These targets that we shoot at that are very healthy. And if your profitability should be at this, you should have this much for operations and personnel and marketing. And on the P and L, I couldn't afford more help.

Yeah.

But when I step back and said, hey, life by design. What's the life I want to build?

That's right.

We had enough money to fuel our investments, to do what we want to do, Live life. We want to live, take care of our staff. And guess what? There was still enough money to have another person help and still live a great life. So I kind of bypassed the prescribed, you know, X dollars towards personnel and bought myself more time.

Good for you.

And there's multiple parts of that, too. Get unpacked.

So unpack that for us. So at that point, how many transactions are you doing? And, like, what, you know, are you doing all the transactions? Is there a salesperson on the team doing transactions? And then just like, did you have a listing coordinator? Did you have a transaction coordinator, A marketing, like, help us understand what you had to do, like consistently 50, 60 million dollars a year in sales, but you were burned out.

Well, this season when I was really feeling burned out was before that. That's when I was running the brokerage, too.

Yeah.

So as far as transaction count, the brokerage at that Time. I don't know, maybe we're doing a couple hundred. And then myself, I was in seasons doing REO where I was doing 200 homes myself.

Right. But in that moment five years ago when we met.

Yeah, right there.

Yeah. Where were you? Where were you? There. Like how many, like how many people on your team.

Forget the brokerage, yo. Could just the team. It was probably me at that time. And maybe one assistant and one call it showing agent.

Okay. And how many. How many transactions? Just so. So my friend listening.

Yeah.

In addition to the. How busy was he brokerage, we were.

Probably still doing.

70Ish. 50 to 80.

That's busy, man. Oh, it was busy with like a showing agent and an assistant. Now you probably had internal resources in the brokerage that probably were handling some of your other stuff.

Yeah. So yeah, I had a great partner. You remember Gidget? Incredible partner.

Yes. And then, then you had three kids that would have been in there single digits and this to double digit age.

And burnout's a strong word. But this is where I hit the wall. And it's like, okay, so here's the backstory. Everybody can relate to this. Tom is. I remember being at home one, one Saturday, I guess, and Leslie got at me. You've met my wife. And she's like, matt, Mia's been talking to you for five minutes. You didn't look up from your phone once. And I was like, are you serious? She goes, you do this all the time to the kids.

Oh man. That's the moment.

It crushed me. And I'm like, so buying more freedom had got me in proximity more. But then I realized, man, proximity is not presence. Like I still was not even close to being where I wanted to be, which now led me into these last few years we just talked about. And, and I, I mean, that's a whole nother conversation. I could unpack. Related to what that process looked like to be actually present, not just in proximity.

No, people just want to be in proximity. So. No, no, unpack presence like this. You and I talk about this stuff. Like, how do you. The people that we respect the most, when we're with them, they're with us.

Yeah.

They're not on their phone 100. They're not distracted.

Yeah.

I see it in seminars. I'm like, I'm like some of my best clients. I'm like, you're not actually with me right now.

Yeah. And.

And I think I'm having the moment of the conference and you're on your phone trying to solve a deal, man.

I can't. That's got to just frustrate you.

I have so much love and appreciation. You're so used to it. Well, you know, like, I just say it is what it is, but you see me go, hey, hey, Matt.

Oh, 100% like, you know what I mean? Like, hey, I just. I want to honor my friend real quick. We have a mutual friend and client, Treasure Davis. We just held this retreat together, so we just talked about the retreat. But Treasure, I told her, treasure, you. She has grown a lot in the last number of years, specifically in this. She is so present.

Yes.

And aware of every room she's in. I'm like, I admire that. So I just want to honor my friend real quick.

But so how did you make the transition with your daughter? And not just your daughter, Your other two kids and probably your lovely wife. Yeah. Who probably was sometimes watching you look at the phone with more love and appreciation than she was getting.

Very true.

That's business, my friends. We're all. Everybody deals with it. So.

Yeah.

So unpack that.

I would love to. So I think a lot of times, Tom, when people hear me speak, whether it's. It's in your ecosystem or with some of the stuff I'm doing, you know, on my own, sometimes I might come off a little bit of Kumbaya, like, oh, he talks about marriage and family and faith and all these things, because that is what's most important to me. But make no. No excuse or make no mistakes. You got to roll up the sleeves, get on and build the business to support that life. Yeah.

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Yes. So you got to get your hands dirty. And what that looked like for me is we really just built this process of how we communicate. You know, a lot of people, you introduced me as referrals, and a lot of people know me as client experience, which is fun. Let's celebrate moments and do wow. Closing experiences. And.

Yes.

But what I learned to be true after 21 years doing this business is our clients experience will rise and fall based on the communication they receive. Yes. Right. You and Jimmy are working on something incredible right now, kind of that backs this up.

Yeah.

But their experience will rise and fall based on a communication they receive. So what I learned is champagne and balloons is cute, but it doesn't.

Doesn't solve the problem.

Right. So you know, if I sell your home for 20,000 over asking price, but you and Kathy don't know what's going on along the way. No bottle of champagne makes up for that. Right. Uncertainty equals anxiety. We have a mantra that we adopted for the team that's called the phone rings for new business only. I'll say that again. The phone rings for new business only. You and Kathy should never call my office and say, hey Matt, hey Molly, hey Kristen. What's going on with Blink? What's next with Blink?

Right, Right.

We should be. It's this idea of sports. We both love sports. Think of football or hockey or basketball. Right. If you're on your toes and I'm initiating that contact, I'm in control. It's a powerful position to be in.

Yes.

But so many of us and me for most of my career, defense, I'm on my heels. Right. Man. Picture Derek Henry coming at you while you're on your heels. But here's what happens. Is number one inferior experience for my client.

Yeah.

Because they don't know what's going on. They have to ask for the updates. Escrow marketing in my home while sitting on the market. Like fill in the blank.

Longer days on market. Yeah.

Right. And now, especially now with the sales cycle is even longer now. Yeah. This is very applicable. But versus me going home. Not burn out from the. Got a minute? It's all day. Or the questions, the firefighting. I'm going home with emotional and mental bandwidth left because I'm two steps ahead of everything in my business.

Bingo.

Well, guess what? I can step away confidently and be present. Bingo. And my staff can and my agents can. And my client. The best thing is getting a better experience than they were getting with champagne and balloons. Referrals keep coming. Raving fans. Everybody wins.

So what a brilliant. Like.

One of my buddies, Don Du Bois is the president of fnf. There's two presidents in the west. He's one of them. Shout out to Ray also and to Joe also in the east. But Don was telling me, he said, I got this guy that's working for me. He's a Navy SEAL and what makes him special. And this is what I Heard you say when they were in the middle of a battle, he said he would turn the map around to try and see it from the other side. Right? So. So here we are. We're trying to go from here to there. We want to take these guys out. We want to take that land. Right? He's like, let me just turn the map around and say, now how do they see it? What's the better route? Where are they going to be? What do I. And that's what I heard you do when you said, hey, you know what? I'm going to be on my toes. I'm going to go on offense. I'm not going to leave the office. And everybody's been communicated to. Everyone knows exactly what's going on. And, yeah, things will flare up right afterwards. Like, it happens. Right. But you've done everything on offense to ensure you can go home and be present.

Right?

Well, hold on, hold on. Podcast over, like, that's it.

And I want to. But I want to hear everybody hear this. Like, what I'm talking about is what defines the rhythm and routine of your life. Now, there's exceptions. The counteroffer comes in, and I was just hosting this marriage retreat, and I still had to step out and do a counteroffer.

So I hope so, right? Yeah, I hope so.

Give yourself some grace on that. But the rhythm and routine of my life.

Yeah.

Is now presence.

Yes.

Which, bro, there's nothing more. I mean, the freedom in. In relationships. Right. And freedom and time. Like, there's no rich, like, relationship rich. Yeah. I had a mentor tell me that. I was like, I'm using that. I'm stealing.

Say that again.

There's no rich, like, relationship rich, like, we can crush in our businesses. But, man, if we can't really be present to pour into those relationships that matter most, then why are we doing what we're doing?

Right. Right. We just did an entire podcast on this. You have to make sure you follow his one life podcast because we went deep on this stuff. All right, so. So for the person that's listening right now, and they're like, you're teasing them, what is the next most important hire for the person that is selling 30, 40, 50 homes a year? Let's just call it what it is. You're a control freak. You know, like, you just. You. You don't trust people. Right. Something happened when you were like, 5, 6, 7, 8, that you just determined, if it's up to me, it's going to be, and I'm going to do it myself. And Nobody can do it better. That's why I put the listing in the MLS and I take the photos and. Right. Like, how do you help that? What do you say to that person?

So first thing I want to say is what. What Tom just mentioned, what I had to get past, and it took me. I'm a. I struggle with perfectionism, if you will. Andy Nazarov is my coach. Love Andy to death. And he coaches me to me.

Yeah. And he says, perfectionism, yes.

He says. He goes, matt, stop saying that. He goes. He goes, you just take a lot of pride in doing excellent work for God. That's what he tells me. I love that he knows my faith.

What. What a great reframe.

What a great reframe.

Beautiful coaching.

But what I had to learn is that the agent who's doing the 30 to 40 deals on your own right now, you're probably telling yourself, like I was, it has to be me. They want me. It has to be me. I think our ego says it has to be us. But what the client really wants is the level of service and experience that you demand. That's what they want. And if we can show them a process and a path that they're going to get that same experience and service, they're going to be just fine with that. Our ego doesn't believe that, but once you actually taste it, you're like, oh, they really are okay with that. So to answer your question, Tom, I mean, definitely that. That assistant, that executive assistant, if you will. But it needs to be the other thing. We're not Fortune 500 companies here, so we can't have the. The A player that's doing listings, the A player that's doing showings, the. A player. You got to have somebody that's kind of like that. That gopher that can do it all, catch it all. But I'd say somebody's helping you with the transaction support, but also could be an extension of you in the field, whether that's going to the home inspection, whether that's going to the final walkthrough, maybe showing a home for you in a jam. Because I tell my clients, look, I don't necessarily need to see the 10 homes you don't buy, but I care about seeing the one you do buy.

Right.

But what if I had an assistant showing the other nine and then I go back for the second showing? Or there's so many different ways to look at it. But I would say you need that gopher that can be a little bit versatile to start.

I mean, the Number of luxury agents I've talked to that said I had to stop saying, I'll show the property and start saying, matt, you actually don't want me at the first showing, right? Because what you want me doing is working the phones, talking to other agents, taking other listings, because that's going to create more opportunity of buyers that I'm also going to bring back to your else. But where I do show up is the second showing where I show up to the second showing. Because now it's time to turn the jets on. Now they've. Now they've looked at the 10 other properties and they're showing up to this one. And, like. And I'm thinking about one particular client who said. Who's been saying that it's been giving her a ton of extra time, and she was able to go from having, like, say, five or six listings at all times to now being like, 10, 12. And some of that is the market, right? 15. But if she had to do all the first showings, she was buried. There was no way she could do it. Now she's like, I just show up to, like, the third. Third showing when they're, like, showing up with the parents, the kids are there, right? Like, they're walking it, going, do we want the couch or not? She's like, hi, I'm here for you. Right? But she has five licensed assistants and no sales team. Five license assistants, marketing, transaction, listing, launch. And like, one of them is just like, hey, I got to do the weekend showings.

And that's the coolest thing about our business, is there's no one way to do it.

You decide what. What would make this experience great for my client? And then how do I then P. And L Manage to. Okay, how many more do I need to sell in order to rationalize? Or like, in the case of you, like, maybe it's not making more money, maybe it's actually making a little less money. But getting freedom, that was always my move. Like, we all like to make money. That's great. It's. It's fun to count. But at the end of the day, I bought a ton of freedom with really expensive people. I made less. I didn't care.

Right?

I didn't care because I wanted that time with my wife, with my kids, to travel, to do things I wanted to do.

Yeah. And I think I'm just so grateful, Tom. And it's because of mentors like you. I mean, eight years ago, you're not just talking about building a business. You're doing on your little Big post it note on how to manage money, Right? Yes.

Yes.

I think you know, and I honor my wife in this, too. We lived below our means for a long time so we could steward well, invest well. And now I love that. I'm just so grateful to say I think we're enjoying some of the fruits of that now, where I can make some of those decisions.

Yeah.

Which is great. And one thing I want to lean into too, is you talked about, you know, that all different ways we can have help.

Yeah.

I say this to clients now and I mean it. Because with this instant gratification world we're in, the truth is that agent who's doing 30 to 40 on your own, as great as you are at your job, I think I'm the best at what I do in this industry. And if I. All of us probably do, we shouldn't be, right.

I hope so.

But I tell my clients, look, with as much integrity and effort I could possibly come up with, there is no way by myself I could provide the service to you that I can with my team. Yeah. One person can't do it. If I'm with you. Tom, recording a podcast here for an hour or two, guess what? I guarantee I have text messages or emails coming in. Of course I want to wait three hours for an answer.

Right.

When my transaction manager, EA can respond in five seconds. And even if the response is, hey, you know what, this is a great question. I know Matt's gonna want to handle this personally.

Yeah.

He'll be free at 12 o' clock or whatever that is. They get the gratification they want and they're happy. You can't do that on your own at 30, 40 deals a year.

Yeah, I know someone's going to say, but I'm actually able to do it all. And I'm like, okay, sure, if you don't have kids or you don't like them or you don't have a spouse and you can just be consumed by this. But every bit. Not real estate, every business. Every business. The person that made this, the person that made this, the person that published, we can all be consumed by it all the time. The goal is, I want a whole life. That's why I honor you.

Right.

You're always the person. He's got it all. He's got a great marriage, he's great with his kids, he's got this beautiful business. He's contributed to others like. Like that should be the game. But you can't do that on your own.

No, no.

Right.

You need help you need a lot of help. But when you are on your own to the person who's there. You interviewed Leah Leo Preja on your podcast. He was on mine as well. I love what he said.

Yeah.

And sometimes I forget that, hey, I was in the season when I was 21, 22 years old also.

Sure.

When you're young and you don't have kids, that's a cheat code. That's a superpower.

Absolutely.

That's when you work 16 hour days and build it. Put in the Brian.

I'm looking right at Brian.

But you know, Sometimes I forget 20 years ago I did put in the work. Of course. And then if you steward well, and again, you don't increase your lifestyle dollar for dollar as you increase your income for 20 years, well, guess what? You can finally slow down enough to be content and be present.

Right?

So these are just a few of the lessons I've learned.

I love it, man. This has been a really fun show. So if somebody wanted to reach out to you, want to connect, go a little deeper, what's the best way for them to find you? Instagram.

The Instagram, the Facebook, Just Matt Farnum. And Instagram is probably the easy way.

Love it, man. Thank you for coming out to to Dallas and being on the show, buddy. I'm super proud of you.

Pumped to be here. Thank you, Tom.

Let's go. Hey, thanks so much for watching the show. Obviously, like, subscribe, all that good stuff. But maybe you have a friend who's watching this, they're like. Or a friend that needs to watch this because they are just obsessed with their business and they're just controlling and you're watching it like, man, you' hurt in your life. Send him a copy of this. That would be a very cool gift. That would show how much you care. All right, we'll see you on the next show. Take care. If you want more information about this episode, including my show, notes, mentions, links, and everything else, make sure you visit tomferry.com podcast. That's tomferry.com podcast. Thanks again and talk to you soon.