Your Breakthrough to Relentless Discipline – Tim Grover | Tom Ferry Podcast Experience

I have this coach who I don't know. You know the name Dr. Julie Girner?

Sure.

Okay. So Julie's been my business coach the last year. Six months ago, she was like, we're on a Zoom, you know, 2000 out, $2,000 for 30 minutes. And she asked me one question. We had like a five minute pause. And I was like, that was a really expensive pause. But what she said to me was right. But she said, hey, what are you committed to? And I'm like, I'm doing this, this, this and this. This is the direction I'm taking the company. This is the vision for my life. And. And she just pauses and she's like, I think your goals are going to require a different version of you. And I actually thought about you a lot. Kind of post that conversation because it made me unpack. Like, I'm going to stop drinking. I'm going to start meditating every day. I'm going to change all my health. Like. Like, everything had to sh. In my mind, everything had to shift because the trajectory I was on was just going to continue to get me, you know, more of the same. And then if the market gets better, I get better. If the market stays the same, I stay the same. And I'm like, fuck that. What do I do to get exponential growth again?

Sure.

So here's the thing. Entrepreneurs, leaders, salespeople, we all want to create consistent, repeatable, and scalable ways to grow our business and our income. And we want to do it better, faster, and more seamlessly. Why? So we can actually enjoy our lives, take vacations, and spend the quality time we want with the people that we love. How do we do all this without spending a fortune or running ourselves ragged? That's the big question. And this show is dedicated to the answer. Hey, welcome back to the podcast. If I said to you that the real estate industry is kind of bifurcated right now, it's definitely almost bipolar. Meaning you're taking listings at some time, you think to yourself, that listing is going to sell in two seconds, and it doesn't. And then over here, you list a property that you think to yourself, that's never going to sell, and it gets five offers. Now I'm hearing that from some of the world's greatest real estate professionals. Some of. So if you're feeling that way and they're feeling that way, I thought no one better than Tim Grover to talk to us about who and how and what you need to be doing differently in this market from a mental toughness standpoint. So you can dominate regardless of market condition. So, Tim, this is our second podcast.

Yes.

Thank you again for being on the show.

My pleasure.

Hey, for the, there, there's going to be a handful of people that are gonna be like, who is this Tim Grover guy? He's a handsome dude. Give him a little bit of the backstory. Before we go into about like eight questions that I want to dig into this mental toughness topic.

Well, my background is from the fitness industry. I was Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, a lot of hundreds of professional athletes. I was their physical and mental coach for many, many years. I have two best selling books called Relentless and Winning. And everybody wants to know what made these individuals so special. And I always tell them it wasn't their physical gifts. Yes, they were physically gifted, but everything from the neck up, because if you, if you watch videos on them, they never talk about their skill set, their talent, they always talk about what was up here.

Bingo.

And what I, what you would do is you can take that mentality into any business aspect, into any aspect of your life. These are individuals that won over and over again. They dealt with adversity just like everybody else. Business adversity, personal adversity, family adversity, everything. And from those things, it didn't let them slow down. They actually got better. And that's what we're here to do. So as real estate individuals, as real estate professionals, as real estate changes, your mindset has to change, it has to get better. With every shift, you have to shift. And that's what this podcast is about, 1000%.

It's so interesting. Literally this morning I was filming for, doing it, doing a training for one of the teams that I work with. And I said to them, does it ever bother you that like two or three of you joined the company at the same exact time? You're given the same leads, the same training, the same CRM, the same support, the same technology. Everything is the same. One person flourishes and another person suffers. The person that suffers blames the leads, blames the company, blames the training. The person over here doesn't make a difference, they just crush. And I think that's really what today's about. Like, how do we get everybody to be in this state? So let's, let's start with like the obvious question, probably the question you get the most. You, you. If, if you ever watch the Last Dance, I see you in there multiple times and I kind of watch that now once a year. As a little reminder, if you watch the Last Dance, you obviously Worked with, you know, Michael Jordan, which is extraordinary. You worked with Kobe Bryant. All these people that you mentioned.

Who we both know, who we both knew.

Yes. Yeah. God bless. Right? So. So I think the big question for my listener is, like, what did they do every single day that made them so unique that they. That the 99% of the people that are professional athletes in this case simply didn't do? What was it that made it so special?

Well, here's the thing. When you get up in the morning. When you get up in the morning, you have two choices. It's very intelligent. You can choose to excel, or you can choose to make excuses. It's up to you. Every single morning, they got up and they chose. I'm going to excel. I'm going to. That's where it starts. That's where it's. You know, it's funny. We want to talk to everybody else. Want to talk to this person. You're. You're a coach of hundreds of thousands of individuals, and they all want to talk to you.

Yep.

When do they talk to themselves?

Bingo.

When do they talk to themselves?

Yeah.

All right.

And how do they talk to themselves?

Yes.

Because they all talk to themselves. Yeah, but see, it's how they talk to themselves.

It's when they talk to themselves, when they're making excuses, that's not them talking to themselves. That's somebody else's voice telling them something that's going on. They're looking at the news, they're looking at the market, they're looking at this, they're looking at that. So that's somebody else's voice that's talking. People always say, you have kids, older kids. I have kids. People have in. People have kids out there. What do you always tell the kids? You know, it says, hey, you know, tell the truth. Be honest. When you're in business, you want. You want people who have integrity, that do business the right. That do business the right way, that push others, that push you, push yourself, do all. Do. Do all these things. You know, we lie to ourselves more than we lie to anybody else.

Yeah.

We make up so many excuses. Those individuals, the best of the best. I don't care what business you in, they don't lie to themselves. If you're not producing, you know exactly why. You know exactly why.

Yeah.

All right. You just don't want to hear the truth from yourself. And if you're not producing, you know exactly why.

So if you're listening right now and you're driving in your car, you might want to write it Down. But if you're watching on YouTube, I'd be very curious. What's the one thing you tell yourself that you know isn't true? I would love to see that in the comments. And it could be like, everything is fine. We're fine. We're doing okay.

I'm okay.

I'm doing the best I can inside this market. It's a hard market, whatever the statement is. I'd just be super curious. So if you think the first thing is they lie to themselves and what makes the very best the best is they see things as they are.

Right?

They don't make them better, they don't make them worse. Right. They just. It is what it is, you know?

How many times have you heard people say that? It is what it is, right? Another day, another dollar. I can't wait for Friday, you know? Yeah.

So. So the mental side, you gotta have a better conversation with yourself. And I know typically people will take that and say, well, I've gotta start pumping myself up. Did you find that the best people pump themselves up a certain way that actually worked?

No. You know what? I don't believe in this pumping themselves up. You know, if you had to pump yourself up, that means you. Somebody else needs to light your fire. That means you need motivation. These. These individuals did not need to be motivated. You don't need to be motivated. I don't need to be motivated. Wake up with an elevated mindset. And there's a huge difference between motivation and elevation. Motivation is what's required by somebody else. It's when somebody else has to light your fire. All right? Elevation is what you demand of yourself. It's what you demand of yourself every single day. Motivation. And when you're elevated, your fire is already lit. You control. You control that burn. Not any. Not any. Not anybody else.

So how do we help the person that's. It's funny. I did my mindset Monday, which came out today as we're recording this, and it's. It's gotten a really good response because the message was basically like, hey, look, you gotta. I didn't say tell yourself the truth. I'm like, you gotta see things as they are, and I don't care how bad it's been for you, you can turn it around through massive action, right? And then I'm like. I talked a little bit about, like, you gotta quiet the old voice in your head, which kind of your. We're a little symbiotic in some of this stuff. What do you say to the person that's listening that didn't hear that message, that's listening to us and going, okay. But he doesn't understand, like, my Sit. Like, I'm. I'm not doing as well as I want to do financially. I've got a tremendous amount of pressure. I've got, you know, kids I got to feed. I got a spouse that's upset. Like, how do you deal with that person?

Pressures of privilege. You chose this industry. You knew when you got in this industry, it was a pressure industry. You knew. You knew it. All right? Pressure is a privilege. And here's the thing. Under the pressure situations, pressure defines who we are and who we're not, but it also defines who. Who we can become, all right? If you want to become that individual, all right, you have to handle pressure. And let me tell you something about pressure, all right? Not everybody in this world is privileged enough to be put under a pressure situation to excel. Who are the individuals we admire the most? When you watch in sports, man, that person, they thrive. They thrive under. They thrive under pressure. Why are there any. They're no different than. They are. No different than you are. You know what it means? They put in the extra hours. They did the extra. They did the extra study, they did the extra reps, all right? They don't make excuses. They have accountability. And the one thing that they have. And I got a question for you. And this is why you continue to thrive, A lot of your individuals continue to thrive. Let me ask you this. What's new in your game?

Stop drinking, meditation, massive peptide supplement regiment, cleaner eating, getting up earlier, going to bed earlier. It's. It's all. It's all of that, and we can keep.

We can keep going. If I ask somebody else, what's new in your game, they'd be like, yeah, okay, yeah. And then not only do you have something to have new in your game, what have you redefined that you're so good, that you're so good at that's gotten even better? Each. Everybody I've worked with, I say, hey, listen, after each championship, after each loss, after each win, we got to add something new to your game. We have something new to game, and then we have to take what you're excellent at and make it even better, Right? And you know how hard it is to take an individual who is so good at what they do and they've been for such a long time and make them that much better, that much better. You know, people says, oh, you know, you work with the elite athletes, they're already so good. I said, yeah, they already so good. I said, you know how difficult it is to take that person and show improvement in that individual? I said, you have to pay attention to every single detail. Here's the thing, when you're complaining and you're like, oh, the market's this, and I have my kids and I. There's millions of people that have the same circumstances that you have.

It's so interesting, Tim. I'll literally say to audiences, and I say jokingly, hey, all the ladies raise your hands, right? All the ladies raise their hands. I said, if one of you is north of 50 years old or 30 to 50, single with kids, you could be the next number one agent on the planet because you don't have a choice. You have to get up every single day, take care of the kids you like. You have to do it. And then I said, but here's the deal. You either have to do it, and if you do, you're going to go out and kill it. My mom, like, raised us, you know, parents got separated, mom was single, she would go on dates, she would play bridge. And the four of us, she. She ran the house the right way and worked Monday through Friday from like 8 o' clock in the morning till 5 o' clock at night. Like, some people just figure it out. Which is the question I want to ask you is what do you say to the person that just knows they're not doing enough? They know that they're capable of more and they're just not putting in the work? What do you say to that person?

Well, you know what? This is where I want to say everybody's looking for mental freedom. They want mental freedom, you know, because they have all these things. They got these things bogging me down or I got the kids there. My situation isn't right. I'm behind on the bills, I'm doing all this thing. You can have mental freedom until you tackle what you're afraid of. Yeah, what are you actually? Until you got to dive into what you're really, really afraid of. Are you afraid of less family time? Are you afraid of. You know, I may have to risk this a little bit more. I have to take a little bit more chances I might fail. All right, well, all those things, what if you don't?

Right? Right.

What. What if. What if you don't? Everybody who's ever excelled at anything was terrible at first. They were all terrible at it first. So you just, you got to stop with the connect. You got to stop with the excuses. And what happens is one thing that your mom figured out. So I use an example of this. You know, you have two identical. Two identical children come from a broken home, whatever it may be. All right, it could be one parent. No parent abuse, alcoholism, whatever it may be. One child is extremely successful.

Yeah.

And the other one isn't. And somebody goes, talks to the child that isn't successful and says, why are you. I came from a broken home. You talk the other one who's real successful. Why are you so successful? I came from a broken.

100%. 100%.

And here's the thing what you. I'm going to use this as an example, what you said about your mom. And I love using other people's examples instead of using my top athletes. Because people like, oh, you know, they're. They, they are different. No, we're all different. You know what your mom didn't. Didn't allow people to do? She didn't have time thieves in her life.

No.

She didn't have things stealing her time. She wasn't allowing other individuals other things. How many. How many things? How many individuals? How many situations, how many thoughts in your life? How many actions are stealing your time?

Bingo.

I compound that with. If I was going on that list of other changes, it was the conscious choice, Tim, to stop hanging out with people that drain my energy and to stop doing things that drain my energy. And, like, that's hard. I mean, as the CEO of a company, I travel busy. You got all these responsibilities, got the weight of the world on your shoulders. But when I just did, like a little, you know, Ben Franklin T bar, and I was like, what gives me energy? What drains my energy? Making up that list. Now, my chief of staff, Ruby's not all that excited because I was like, here, you get all that stuff, and if you need to hire someone else, go and do that. But. But I would challenge. Challenge my friend that's listening right now. Like, if you really, like, unpack what we're talking about. What made all these people so extraordinary was their identity. The way that they view themselves, the way they talk to themselves. And. And if your identity isn't getting you what you want, you can change your identity.

Yes, you can.

But you gotta shift some of the things in your life, in your business. I had a mentor who said to me, if you just got up every day at 4 o' clock in and you moved the rocks from that side of the garden to that side of the garden, I'm like, well, why would I do that at four o' clock tomorrow? It's cold outside. He's like, you're going to do it. Because if you move the rocks ceremoniously from that side to that side, what you're really doing is controlling the conversation in your head. Because the conversation you're headed 359 is, it's kind of nice to snuggle next to my wife. It's cold outside, it's raining. I don't want to do this. He's like, but what you're doing is you're basically saying by doing that every day that your word is law. And if you say you're getting up at 4 o' clock in the morning to move the rocks, you're getting up at 4 o' clock in the morning to move the rocks. And the funny thing was to do it in a ceremonial way, which messed with my head even more. But it was only like, I don't know, a couple months later that I was like, what he taught me was, my word is law. If I say I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. And I think when I reflect on all of our conversations and all the people, you what they say, Aaron, Donald, ring me. Right? It was like, it's going to happen.

Yeah.

No matter what. And he wins it on the last place.

Right.

Like.

And everybody knew he was going. Everybody knew that if we, if we stop this guy, the other team wins. If we don't. Everybody knew. Even you even heard, of course, on the say, he goes, oh, I know Aaron's going to make the play for us.

Yes.

And everybody stop this guy. And they couldn't.

Yeah.

Unbelievable.

They couldn't. They couldn't do what you did is in the morning. So what happens is everybody wakes up with all this clutter in their minds.

Yeah.

All right. And the first activity you have to do. So what you did was you had all this clutter. You know, obviously you run a multi. Million dollar, multimillion dollar business. Many of them. All right? You have all these other people that are lying, relying on you. You know, you have the podcast, you have your social media, you got all this, you got all this coaching stuff. So you have all this stuff that goes on in your head, all right? And what you do is you take the clutter and by doing this rock thing that you shift. And here's the thing about getting up early in the morning, let me tell you, once you get out of bed, it's all good. It's all good. Before I go into the thing about what you were doing, understand something. The brain is designed for two Things. I'm not going. We'd have to have an eight hour podcast if I want to get into the anatomy of the brain. The brain is designed for comfort and survival.

That's it.

That's what the brain is designed for. Your brain wants you to stay in bed because it has to do the least amount of work. It's. No, that's where you'll. That's where it's easiest for it to survive. I didn't say thrive. Survive. Yeah, survive. So everything you want out of life is on the. It's the complete opposite of what your brain is designed to do. You don't want to survive, you want to thrive. Well, your brain is telling you to do this. You just don't want to be comfortable. In order to have what you want, you got to put yourself out there. Everything about success is uncomfortable. Everything about it, even being successful is uncomfortable.

100%. But if you got a choice. You haven't met my dad. My dad just turned 80 and he would say to me all the time, Tim, he's like, you got a choice. You can have the stress of no money or you have the stress, a lot of money. Both are stressful.

All the stressful.

I was like, well, I know what decision I want to make on that one. So I want to unpack something that has just become.

I don't.

I don't know if it started before the pandemic, but it certainly got amplified during the pandemic. There is in the culture a fear of obsession, a fear of obsessed people. Because, you know, if you become obsessed, then you don't have fun anymore. You know, your, you know your life's going to be miserable.

Those obsessed individuals have more fun than anybody.

Okay, so help. Like, and I know that, like my listener, thank you very much for listening to this. My listener is, is probably like most of the, the wildly successful agents I meet, they are obsessed, but they go from obsessed to really obsessed, then back to obsessed, then really obsessed. But they, they don't often find themselves going, zero obsession. No, you with me? But. But how does one balance obsession? Do they balance obsession? And what do you say to the person that's just maybe listening? They just. Somebody sent them this randomly and they said, hey, you should listen to this guy. And they have that fear of obsession that what they want is. They want all the money and all the balance and everything to be perfect and always in harmony. I want to punch them in the face. That's not how it works.

You can have all that if you want to be Average. You can. So let me tell you something about obsession, all right? The more obsessed you are, the more focused you are. The more focused you are, the more time you have.

Bingo.

The more time you have, the more relaxed you are. The more relaxed you are, the more fun you have, right? And everybody talks. There's a big difference between a healthy obsession and an unhealthy obsession. A healthy obsession, you win, and your whole team, your whole family, everybody wins. An unhealthy obsession is everybody loses, but you win. But eventually you end up being the biggest loser, all right? A healthy obsession, you control. See, here's the thing. You can be obsessed with multiple things, just not at the same moment. When you're on your podcast, you're obsessed with this podcast, all right? When you're with your coaching clients, you are obsessed with your coaching clients. When you're being coached, you're obsessed with that learning process. When you're on stage, when you're with your kids, you're obsessed with them. When you're with your wife, you're obsessed with them. So everybody talks about the switch. There is no switch, all right? Because here's the thing. We're in this beautiful office, this beautiful space, this podcast studio. If you were to go in and turn all the power off in this building, you know, everybody talks about the switch. It would take so much energy, and you talked about energy earlier to get this room back up where it is. So what happens is you have this switch that people call the switch, where somebody else have control of switch. I don't believe in a switch. I believe in the dimmer.

Yeah.

All right? You never turn that obsession off, but you have enough control. Say, you know what? Yeah, I gotta dim the obsession at work because I want to enjoy this time with my family.

Yep.

All right. I met my kids play. I got a. Yeah, you know what the phone is? I got a dim. I got a dimness. Got to dim this off. And the other thing that's very important about obsession, and if you're blessed to have this, all right, have individuals in your life that are selfish for you.

Unpack that.

Okay, See, I was selfish for my clients. I was the individual that when you see distractions coming in, I was the one who said no to the individuals around when they were. When they were staying out too late or doing things. Time to go. Why no one? Nope. No more. Yeah, time to go. And the people that are selfish for you, they understand your obsession, all right? They'll be like, hey, listen, leave dad alone. Leave Thomas alone right now. This is. He's working on something. He really, Whatever needs, whatever needs to be handled, will handle it later. Because whatever, Whatever conversation that you think can't wait, you're not going to get the outcome because that person is he. They're embraced in this obsession thing right now. They are locked in over. They are locked in over here. During the playoffs time when playoffs used to come around almost for eight weeks, I trained my clients, MJ and Kobe, every single day. We barely smoke, we barely spoke.

It's just putting in the work.

Just.

That's how they control the chatter.

Yes. Yes. All right. The only voice they want to hear is their own. And here's, here's the time. Here's the thing. We're so busy listening to the shouts of everybody else because that's what social media is. That's what everything is. You know, you're on TikTok, you're scrolling, you're doing all these different things that you're. You hear all these loud voices that you can't hear. The most important voice because. Because it only speaks to you in a whisper. That's your own voice. People are afraid of silence. They're afraid of silence because when you have silence, it's just you and your thoughts. You know, you think about people that go into that, go into the gym, we. Nobody wants to hear their voice, their own voice anymore. Because you go work out, people go run. They're sitting behind the desk where everything is off. They always have their headphones on or they're always listening to somebody else that you don't recognize your own voice anymore. So when your own voice is telling you, hey, this is what you need to do, these are the mistakes. Stop making these excuses. Stop lying to yourself. And the less you listen to yourself, the fainter the voice gets. The fainter the voice says, well, you're not paying attention to me. I'm going to force you to pay attention to me. I'm gonna force you to pay attention, attention to me. And then some people, they never get to that point and their own voice just disappears.

Real estate agents, August 26th through the 28th. Here in Dallas, we've got Tom Ferry's annual success summit happening. Thousands and thousands of agents are coming from all over the country to gain everything from advanced AI lead generation strategies, to listing presentations, to generating more listing leads and everything in between. There's going to be something for every agent, regardless. If you're a team leader, an individual agent, a brokerage owner, everyone will have something here. And it's going to Be absolutely awesome. So I don't know about you, but block off your calendar now, and I hope to see you in Dallas at the end of August.

I know every person listening, including myself, can relate to that, that we. We tend to mute out the voice with distraction instead of just letting the like. So I started meditating like six months and seven days ago. And so twice a day, 15 to 20 minutes twice a day. And the first couple times, like, so my. I. Transcendental meditation, right? So. So I'm supposed to have this transcendent moment, right? I think I've had like 4 seconds of it so far. I'm literally. I call my instructor, I'm like, hey, this is what's going on. I start doing my meditation. I follow the mantra which he's given me. And as you say the mantra, Tim, that eventually your mind begins to get quiet, and then you have that moment of transcendence, quote unquote. And then your mind just starts chattering. And what I noticed in the beginning the chatter was like, the nonsense. Like, hey, did you fall up on Tim? Did you make sure you send Sherry a thank you? It's like some of that stuff. And then after a while, you finally get. You clear the noise, and then it's just your voice and it's that voice of like, hey, you said you were going to do this. You got to get on that. Hey, you know what? You committed to this. Stay, Stay the course. It's also where the fear shows up. And I think that's the fear part, is where a lot of people get freaked out, right? Like, hey, what if this doesn't work, if that deal doesn't go through, if this doesn't happen, like real things for people, including myself. And I think that's that we're trying to mute out the fear. As if just turning away from the weeds is the solution.

Fear is telling you what you need to do next.

So how do I stay in that and see it for what it is and then attack it versus, you know, I'll just turn YouTube on and I'll just, you know, I'll just doom scroll for a couple hours till I fall asleep because I'm not connected with the person I'm with, or I'm dealing with all these issues. It's my way to numb myself out.

So here's the thing. One thing I. I want you to start doing with all your clients, all right? They're studying your courses, they're studying your language, they're studying your methodology. They're studying all these different Things. Tell them to study themselves, okay? Because here's the thing. The same conversations, the same individual they were a year ago, six months is not. It's not who they are now.

Right, right.

Whether it's positive or whether it's negative. We're so busy studying everybody else. We want to learn. We want to learn. We want to learn. We want to learn. Study yourself. What doesn't serve you anymore in your life? What are the individuals? What are the thoughts? What are the behaviors? What are the emotions? What emotion are you carrying with you that's louder than your own voice? I always tell individuals what's the heaviest thing an individual carries? Their feelings. And regret is a feeling.

Regret for sure.

Regret is a feeling, all right? And you're only going to have more regrets. More regrets. More regrets. As the longer you put off things. There's one thing we don't have. We don't have unlimited time. Ask the best of the best at what they do. Okay. I always ask them. I said, what are you afraid of the most? You know what? They all tell me? Running out of time.

100%.

What did MJ say? I never lost a game. I just ran out of time.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's. It's a hard one to swallow for, like, the reality, like, sports is a great example because it's 60 minutes. It's a finite game. You with me? Life is also a finite game. I oftentimes will tell audiences, so if you haven't heard me say this, you should do this. I say, go to Google, type in the death clock, answer the six questions, and it will tell you the exact day you're going to die based upon the algorithm it has. And I watched, like, two people, 2,000. It doesn't make a difference. Like, half the crowd goes. And I go, wait a minute. You're going to die? If you knew you were going to die in 38 years or 15 years and 16 days, would you change some things in your life? Would you love more? Would you laugh more? Would you be more committed? Would you be more honest? Like, all. And I'm like, that's all I'm telling you to do, because you're gonna die. There's a. There's a book out. Sherry, my wife, just read her book club, and it freaked her out because the book was something to the effect of everybody was given a box. Everybody on the entire planet. So if you know this book, please let me know in the comments what it is. Everybody was given a book or a box, and inside it was a string. And the Length of the strength determined your life. So if it was a really long string, you knew you had a lot of time. But if your string was this big, you could die like the next day. And all it did is it just shifted the culture for everybody on the planet. And again, to your point earlier, so we both know we have this much time. Some people are going to optimize their life and some people are going to be, oh, my God, I only have 15 years. And they just start suffering for the next 15 years. It's a choice, I think every person listening has to make that. Like, life is a finite game. You only got so much time. So how much can you play, how much more fun can you have? And how much more business could you do if that matters to you?

You grow, you blossom, you thrive, and then you're gone.

Yeah.

But the best of the best, when they're gone, they're not gone infinitely. You know what they're gone with? Whatever they just finished. They go back to growing, they go back to blossoming.

Bingo.

They go back to thriving. And then when they're done with that, it's gone. And then they go to. Then they go. How have you been able to sustain so much success through everything that's gone on with the real estate industry, with the market, interest rates, finances, all that other, all that, all that other stuff? You grew each time. You grew each time, and each time you grew, you blossomed a little more. Everyone's paying attention to Tom. What the hell is. How can he still hold a. How can he still hold a conference bringing in 6,8000 people? Wait, we can't get 200 people. We can't, can't get 200 people because the market's hard. Yeah. You know, we can't get people. So. And then, yeah, boom, from there, you show everybody thrive. All right, this one's gone now. Just because I did 6,000 people here, I got to go back over here to make it, make it, make it happen again.

100%. My mentor, who you would have loved, he was, he was Walt Disney's right hand guy for like the last eight years. Launched Orlando, like, did just. Then his next mentee was Steve Jobs. Then his next mentee was Jack Welch. But the one that I talked to him about all the time was Annie. Worked with Mother Teresa. So imagine going from Jack Welch to Mother Teresa. You gotta be number one or you're fired. And then, no, I'm not gonna go back to Rome and let them shower me with golden. No, I'm gonna, I'm Gonna continue doing what I'm doing, which is exactly what I'm supposed to do. Be with these people as they're. As they're passing on in their life. So Mike would say to me all the time, and I don't know who came up with the original concept. He called it the four levels of learning, which was, you gotta get stupid again. You got to get unconsciously incompetent. You don't even know that. You don't know. Then you know that's the next level up. Then you're consciously competent at it. Then you become unconsciously competent. You no longer have to think. You feel their body. You turn, you make the shot, you win the game. Like, and the only way you can maintain growth and, like, joy in your business sustainability is you have to constantly go back to unconsciously incompetent. So it's kind of the same thing you were saying, but, like, that's how my mentor always described me. That's. That's how you have a long term, sustained career. Because, man, what you don't want to do is be Chuck Berry, get one song, one move, do it over and over again, and do it for 50 years. I can't. I couldn't stand that.

Before you can make things better, you have to figure out what's making them worse.

Right? Right.

That's it. And everybody said, man, I got to make things better. I got to make things better. I gotta make things. What's making, what's making what decisions, what actions, what behavior are making things worse for you right now?

Yeah.

So what drives you today? We've had a couple dinners and fun and conversations. Second podcast. We've worked together a bunch. What. What drives you today? That wasn't driving you back then?

Yeah. One of the things that I know is obviously I have less time now. There's. I've been blessed to have individuals that have taught me a lot. Like, you know, it's funny, people get to sit down with Kobe for a podcast, Sit down with them for an hour, two hours, had, you know, had conversations with MJ or the other thousands of individuals that I've been blessed to work with. I was inundated in their lives. Yeah, I was inundated in their lives. And the stuff that I learned from them, the stuff they taught me, the stuff that I taught them, you know, we flew in today, and I always stop in the lounge wherever I go, just kind of use the bathroom, relax for a little bit. And a gentleman came up to me and says, hey, man, I read your book. You've really changed my life. Okay? I always tell them, I didn't change your life. You change your life. We just gave you permission.

Bingo.

All right. We just gave you permission. What continues to drive me is. I want to hear more. Other individuals have these breakthroughs, and not just temporary breakthroughs, permanent breakthroughs. You know, man, I'm so much. I understand myself. Thank you for saying things that other people wouldn't say. When, you know, you were talking earlier about the balance shift and all that. I'll tell you, there is no balance. They're literally when I. Because everyone tells you, you know, it's funny, once they become very successful, everybody tells you, oh, there's, you know, you need to balance this. I need to balance this. Let me tell you about balance, all right? You don't find balance, you create it. And it's different for each individual out there. And to me, balance is very simple. When the price of winning is high, balance is low.

Yeah.

All right. When the price of winning isn't so high, balance is a little bit higher. But you can't have everything balanced all at the same time. Everybody has to make sacrifices. And every decision you make, every action you make, every individual you talk to, all right? Has an effect on where you are going to be in life. And I just. I want to go out and tell. I'm out there telling individuals the truth. There's nothing more encouraging than the truth. They're just, if you're effing up, I'm gonna tell you you're effing up. If you're doing excellent, I would tell you you're doing excellent. When I'm working on, I see somebody who's extremely overweight that's in there every single day, that knows everybody's looking at them because they're not very fit. I go over there and compliment that person, said, you know what? Thank you. Keep going. You need anything, I'm here, I'm here. Just let me know. Just spreading those little words of words of encouragement, because now everything that you hear, it's always so. Well, I shouldn't even say that. Even when I was growing up as a kid, everybody talks about the news being so negative. Now, listen, when I used to, when I watched TV when I was younger, it was black and white. You had to get up and change it manually. There was. There was no. No remote. The news always started off with something negative.

Yep, that's the hook.

That's.

That's the dopamine.

That. That's it. Because that, you know, the way they do that it makes everybody else feel better about what's going what the situation. It doesn't change anything. But like you said, for that dopamine hit, it's just like you're out there giving content, giving your time, giving your energy, giving your focus. All right? And if you literally reacted to every negative comment that somebody made, Tom doesn't do this, he doesn't do that. He doesn't know what he's talking about. You should do this, you should do that, you should do that. How would you feel?

Oh, it. Eat me alive.

So what are you?

Human? Right.

It's humans. I just look, I just laugh. I'm like, really? This person took time out of their day to write something negative about a, about a content that I'm literally putting out there for free.

For free.

Imagine what's going on in their life.

Yeah, I do have that same perspective. But I was being like, when you read a bunch of that, like, I did my second book, Arianna Huffington loved it. So she's like, we should do a four week series on the four addictions that you're talking about. And man, the comments were just. I mean, the good news is the ultimate read them. And I'd be like, I'm going to respond to this person and say, you should really read the book because on page 45, I address your exact issues.

Yeah.

But then I, but then I knew when I was doing it, I was actually like a, I was feeding the algorithm, which was great, sold a bunch of books. But I knew I was kind of messing with that person when I was doing it. So like now I just go, oh. I'm like, they must be having a bad day because it ain't this piece of content. It's something bigger in their world.

So here's the thing these days, and this is. And you asked what drive would drive. Another thing that drives me is like, most people don't listen anymore.

Yeah.

They don't listen to learn. They listen to reply.

Bingo.

They list before you even get a full comment out. They're already, Somebody's already talking back. They won't let you finish your sentence. You look at something on social media, the minute something. People have to. People have to. People have to. People have to respond. We were always taught, listen, only speak when your words are more valuable than your silence. So when it's when Tim Grover is speaking, when Tom's speaking, and I'm not going to compare, Use the top example. When Warren Buffett comes out, he'll be silent for a year. When he makes A one minute announcement. The world stops. Every industry stops, every industry stops.

So let's, let's take that and let's go one kind of one step further. One of the things that I become slightly obsessed with is composure. Staying composed. We all have staying composed under the pressure of the pandemic, staying composed under the pressure of business. And the way I kind of look at it, like my buddy said to me, it's kind of like this pendulum, right? So if you can imagine, this is composure, right? This is, you just go, I'm going to go hide, right? And he just said, this is when you just check out like the situation's happening. I'm going to go hide. But on the other extreme, you become the bully, you become agitated, you attack people. And I'm like, yeah, I've dealt with both those leaders, like under pressure, under the stress of a situation, a decision needs to be made. Hey, we need to go remote. The pandemic is hitting. Like, I think I've always been blessed to stay calm, right? And keep communicating. To me, that's composure. But the more successful I become, the more exposed you get, the more is coming at you. Every single day I find myself, you.

Know, you understand, that's why people don't want to be successful. They want all the, they want all.

The nice thing that comes with, when.

They don't, they don't understand what else success brings. They have no, they have no idea. And then that's why you see certain people reach a certain level of success. Be like people that win the lottery. All of a sudden they got people coming out the woodwork, they got to manage the money, got to figure this out. And they're like, I don't want to, Let me just blow it all and go back to. Go back to where? Where you mean? I got to find a financial person, I got to invest, I got to do on a bunch. I got to figure this out. I got to say no to this. It's like, it's overwhelming. It's too much. Let me just go back. Let me just go back.

I'll just give all my money away or I'll lose it all in stupid investments. Which is all you have to do is Google this. This is what they do every time, right?

So let me just go ahead and, let me just go, go ahead and do this thing. So you know the thing, that composure thing, that's over, compose over here. So this is what I say, okay? When you're over, when you're over on this thing, when you're over Here. Okay. There you go. Your mind uses you. Mind uses you. Here, you use your mind.

That's the simplest way I've heard it. You're exactly right. This is emotion, right? Running and hiding, being scared. This one is, I'm going to attack, fight or flight. So they just fight. And I think for everyone watching, like, so right now in the real estate market, they're experiencing longer days on market. They're listing houses that aren't selling as fast. They're dealing with customers that had an expectation that is being unmet. Whether, whether. Because our. Our. My clients are amazing. They will express what's happening in the market, but the consumer hears what they want to hear, right? And then they get the phone call, what are you doing? It's not selling. What do we need to do? Right? So they. They're always in this situation where they're under attack. And the thing that I wish for all my clients and all my friends is more composure. You're saying it's you using your mind. Tell me some things or tell them some things they can do to. You worked with the greatest athletes on the planet. Like, okay, there's 0.4 seconds left. The game is on the line. You win, everything is great. You lose, it's the end of the season. How did you train them to stay composed?

Well, here's the thing again. It's controlling what's going on. The voices that's going on in their own. In their own head. It's having the. It's having the conversation with them. It's beautiful. Back then, I used to be able to tell them, block out the noise. You can't block. I hear this all the time. You got to block out the noise. There's too much noise now. You have to learn to manage the noise now. Okay? Just like you have individuals on your team that manage the noise for you 100%. All right? And obviously, you've worked very hard to get to the point where you can have individuals that can manage some of the noise for you. They can't manage all that. They can't manage all the noise for you. So when I. When people say. When I said their minds. Mind uses them. You know, their mind uses them for resentment, for hate, for not getting the job down, blaming other people, being impatient, doing all this thing. When you're. When you use your mind, you're always under control. It's your thoughts, it's your emotions, it's your behavior, it's your actions. Everybody who's listening to this podcast, you should have a thought A word, a phrase, something. When you see yourself, when you see that your mind is going to use you, you should say something to yourself or there should be a thought that pops in your mind. You have to catch it right away. Like, I'll be walking down the street and if something that comes into my mind that I don't want, I will literally stop and do this.

Yep.

And people like, what do you got? What do you got? Brain freeze, you guys. This is my thing. I would literally, I'll be sitting on the flame. I'll go like, nope, yeah, nope, not get out. So something. It could be simple as looking at, looking at a picture of your child, your significant other, a sunset, a rainfall, whatever it may be, that just puts you right, right back, right back into control. And here's the thing that I want to kind of. That this will be one thing that I will discuss when at the next event that you do at. I want people that are in the selling business, all right? Stop thinking about putting so much emphasis on the product, all right? Think more about the feeling associated with the product, all right? You know, you should be selling connection. You should be selling happiness, you should be selling self esteem, you should be selling beauty, you should be selling status, you should be selling luxury. Those are the things that you should be selling. Success, you know, Excitement, youth. That's what you should be sell. How when you buy this piece of property, you have this list. You know, how is it going to make that person feel? How's it going to make the. How's it going to make them feel? Instead of just looking at it as a financial transaction, you know, build that friendship relationship with those individuals. Build. Build that connection. That's. That's what I want you to. That's what I want you to focus on. On this, on the selling card. Because here's the thing. People remember how you make them feel. That's what people remember. Listen, you saw, we talked about the last dance, all right? And in the last dance, during those times, all the players, you know, they didn't enjoy MJ's leadership style. But then when you heard Bill Weddington, you heard Judd Bushler, you heard all these people, Will Perdue, you heard all these individuals. It was like, we're so much better for it.

100%.

We are so much better for it. You look at any educator in you and you'll have co. You'll have people that have left your program, went to a nut, went to another program, and then you'll run into them and just like I should have Enough. I never left you, but I should have never left your program. When people always ask, who was the individual that had the most impact in your life? And they'll go back to the person that they'll remember, an individual that was tough on them, that didn't. That kept them accountable, that didn't allow them to have excuses, that did. That's the person. That's the person they will remember, the person that was loving and all that other stuff, too. But they'll also likely, you know what that person was. Yeah, that.

That.

That person. And that's so true. Yeah, it's so you remember that teacher that was just like, you know, held.

You to a higher standard, believes in you more, and held you to that standard.

It was just. It was unbelievable. You know, the stories in one of the books that I wrote? So I took advanced kinesiology before I took regular kinesiology because I thought I knew what I was talking about. And every single class, this was for 12 weeks. Every time you walked into class, the class was three days a week. You had to stand up, and the teacher would ask you a question. If you answered the question, you got to sit down. I stood for eight weeks. I stood for eight weeks. Now, I'm not just talking about for five minutes. I'm talking about throughout the whole class, all 90 minutes. Yeah. And then when I finally caught up, I would start answering the questions. I started. I started answering all the questions, started answering then when other kids were saying, I would answer the questions for these and, Mr. Grover, please shut up now. Okay. I remember those. And every time I see him or I think about him. Thank you.

Yeah.

It's so funny. I have a. My stepmom who you'll meet at the summit. So my dad's second wife had a massive impact on me. And people were like, oh, you know, your parents were separated, so she loved on you. I'm like, no, she's half Russian, half Polynesian. So she beat me with a ukulele. I mean, like, she was tough as nails. And I can hear. I mean, she's. I'm not going to say her age, because she might listen to some punch me, but she's older than I am, and she would say to me all the time, thomas, control your environment, control your weight, and control your money. You do those three things, you'll be wildly success. She beat that into my head to the point that I thought she was gonna, like, tattoo it on my body when I was asleep.

You know what the key that whole statement was? She didn't call him Tom.

She said Thomas, which really made me listen.

Yes, yes, exactly. And then, you know what? Do you have a middle name?

Andrew. Oh, you got Thomas. Andrew.

Oh, my God. You. That was it.

Yeah, that was the next. That was. Wait till your father gets home.

Yeah.

You knew you were dead. All right, so by the time this gets released, we'll be six weeks out from the summit. And. And a lot. You have a lot of fans in our communities. We've done stuff at the Elite. We've done podcasts together. You did some intimate things with our coaches. Thank you again for that.

My pleasure.

That. That day blew them away. I'm like, I got a special guest for you. And they just. You walked in. So I know we're in a mental market. You're going to help people become mentally tough. What would be if I said, hey, what's one thing they could do for the next six weeks leading up to the event? So when they walk in the room and they hear you on that last day, that they're like, yeah, like, I've already proven to myself, I can do this. What would that one thing be? And maybe it's a couple of things.

You give them a choice between those six weeks and when you get there, start deleting the essentials. When you come into that room, something in your life, an individual, a thought, a behavior, something you have to be, either have deleted it or starting with the deleting process. See, it's. So I always say this in order to add something, in order to add a new thought, in order to add a new behavior, to add order, new structure, new knowledge. What are you willing to delete? The biggest thing. Everybody wants to learn. We all want to learn stuff. All right? But what do you have to unlearn first? So in those, what are you going to. If you want the most out of this, which I know you do, start deleting, start unlearning, because that's where the change actually starts.

You know what I love about that, too, is I'll oftentimes say to people, you gotta make cuts in order to make room.

Right?

And I use the example. I'm like, if my wife walks into her closet and says to me one more time, I have absolutely nothing to wear. I'm like, well, how about one of those 48 black shirts? You know, they're all the same to me. And. Right. Sherry, you with me on this, like? And she's like, 48, but I got nothing to wear, right? And I say, well, if we take 15 or 20 of those black shirts, we donate them to somebody that's actually going to wear them, then we now have room in the closet for you to add. And I use it just as a silly example of like, you gotta cut before you add. Because if you just keep stacking on more things, surrounded by a bunch of things that are incomplete or not fully in motion, haven't been automated or systemized, then you're just, you might be actually creating more chaos. So I love the insight delete before you come to these.

So what ha. What happens is, you know, when people make, when they, when they start making excuses and start making all, all these, all these different things, the more options you have, the more difficult your choices are.

Yeah, right.

So it's either I'm going to be successful or I'm not going to be successful. When you start making now, when you start to filter all the excuses in the middle now, it becomes a little. You. You grow your options. You don't want to grow your options. You want, you want to, you gotta, you gotta limit those things people have a hard enough time making. I've done this so off of my, off of myself. You spend more time scrolling through prime video, Netflix, Hulu, trying to find something to watch instead of just, I'm going to watch this.

Right, right, right.

Or as my wife does, she goes to chat CBT and says, what's the hottest thing? What's the greatest movie? What's the thing?

Show.

And by the way, my husband doesn't like shows, so just give me a movie.

Yeah, right.

So it's like this. And she's like, we're watching this.

Yeah.

Because people sit in front of their television for 30 or 40 minutes. It's the same people that go to restaurants, the same restaurant over and over again and look at the menu. I'm like, you've been here before. You know what they have.

Exactly.

And you have the chicken every time. I'm with you. So just order the damn chicken. Be decisive.

My goodness. If there is something different, the waiter waitress is going to tell you, let you know, hey, our specials for the day are. Yes.

And you're still going to say, I'll take the chicken. All right, so as we wrap this up. This has been great. I love this mind uses you. You use your mind like that. I can't wait to share that with my buddy who's been in this dialogue maybe about how to, how to generate more composure all the time. Like, that's the goal. So six weeks out, six weeks out to the summit. If you've not made your reservation, make your reservation, come hang out with Tim and I. It's going to be extraordinary. Three days. And if you're not there, I think the same rule applies. What are you going to delete over the next six weeks? Yes, I said I'm. I'm not spending time with people that take my energy, and I'm not doing things that take my energy. Maybe it's that, but you know, you, you know your business and you got to listen to that little voice. Like you said, listen to that truth and eliminate that and watch what happens.

Closing Thoughts Stop spending time you don't have with people you don't like doing things you don't want to do.

Yeah.

You want to be at the summit, be at the summit. That's it. If you don't want to be at the summit, don't be at the summit. But make a decision. Make a decision now and know what the consequences and regrets are of making the decision of coming and not coming. And don't want to hear you later saying, I should have went. Because if you think the price of winning is too high, wait till you get the bill for regret.

You're the best.

Thank you.

I appreciate you, man. Thank you so much for watching. You might want to send this to a pal, maybe a friend, you know, that just needs a good little Tim Grover kick in the you know what. All right, we'll see you on the next podcast. Thanks so much.

Thank you, everyone.

If you want more information about this episode, including my show, notes, mentions, links, and everything else, make sure you visit tomferry.com podcast that's tomferry.com podcast. Thanks again and talk to you soon.