Jessica Hickman

Orange in The Central West's 105.1. Mmm. We're brought to you thanks to Harvey Norman in the Orange Grove Homemaker Centre. Now we're gonna talk about bullying this morning and how, I guess it's all our responsibilities to call it out to get the skills to stop bullying. And there is a local woman by the name of Jessica Hickman and she's the founder of Bullyology. She joins us online this morning. Good morning to you, Jessica.

Good morning. Thanks for having me today. It's an important topic, very important topic.

Because the effects of bullying can last a lifetime.

Absolutely.

What is the motivation for people to want to start putting others down? Where does this all come from, do you think?

Yeah, look, when we think of workplace bullying, school bullying, you know, even in our community online, you know, it's a broad conversation around what are some of the motivations if we look at kids, often kids bully or act out because of insecurities and happiness at home or the need to have power and control over another. And pretty similar when we look at workplace bullying, there's this need for power and control over another. And I started my business Bullyology, because unfortunately, when I arrived in Australia, my first job after living in the uk, I suffered extensive bullying and harassment in the workplace for three and a half years.

Wow. Wow. And again, was it about control, somebody wanting to get the power over you?

Yes, bullying is always about power and control. And if we look at the definition of bullying, it varies state to state from workplace to school, but bullying is repeated and it's intentional health harming behaviors and it has intent to damage another's well being, mental health, physical health. And when we often think of bullying, we often think that it stops at the school gate, but unfortunately it doesn't. It happens in our universities, our workplace, and more recently follows us home to our safe, hopefully safe haven through our devices and social media. And I do a lot of work in schools and, you know, social media has become really the enemy for a lot of people. And kids are missing sleep because they're checking social media, paranoid that, you know, someone's gonna share something nasty about them or an image or, you know, if they miss anything in a group chat, will they be bullied the next day for not responding? And the pressure is so heightened.

Yeah, it really is a concern now as parents that are watching this. And look, let's focus on children for a moment because I suspect this is where the most harm is potentially done because they're least resilient, I guess, compared to adults. To deal with these sort of things. What, what, what should parents be looking out for in terms of firstly, if their child is bullying or secondly, if their child is being bullied?

Yeah, look, the thing I say to parents, and I'm actually doing a talk on Saturday morning at 11am in the shopping centre and we're going to be looking at some of the things parents can do and students can do. And the first thing is to build trust and listen to your young person. Look for any signs of withdrawing, behavior change, even becoming more aggressive, and have conversations around. My biggest advice to parents is if your young person, your child shares with you, or even a family member that they're feeling like they're being bullied or something isn't right at school, what parents naturally do, and of course our instinct is to protect. So we march down the school, we're not happy, we call other parents, we shout, you know, we have a reaction because our natural instinct is to protect our babies. But what that can do is actually be more problematic for the child because they become really embarrassed and withdrawn and they don't want to cause even more trouble. So the best thing is to sit down with the child and say, okay, I'm listening to you, tell me everything. What would you like me to do to support you? Of course we need to have maybe a conversation with the school or a parent if it's a family friend. But becoming irate and angry just fuels that behavior further. And I've seen many times that kids get then withhold what's happening because they don't want to upset their parents or anger them. So stay cool, calm and collected. Collect all the facts, but also enroll your child in the process and say, okay, what is the best thing that you want me to do? Because often if they feel it's early on, they're being unkind to me or excluding me, we can talk that through with our child rather than reacting. And on my Bullyology website, I have got a lot of free fact sheets and resources for parents. And my biggest tip is to build upstanders. So upstanders rather than bystanders in adults and children having proactive conversations around bullying, looking at what some of the telltale signs are, because as human beings, naturally we only talk about this topic when we're experiencing it or it impacts our family. So over the dinner table, what would we do if someone bullies, you know, you at school or you witness it would become, who would we report it to? Would you come and talk to us as parents or the teachers? What does bullying look like, how could we support people? Because only, you know, we need to build those proactive conversations. And that's a lot of work I do, you know, in workplaces. I work with a lot of industries and workplaces across Orange and the Central west to build proactive upstanders to call out bad behaviors, to challenge the status quo and ultimately create what I call speak up cultures where people feel safe to actually speak up about what they're experiencing or challenge one another and challenge unsafe behaviors.

Okay, look, I'm with Jessica Hickman. We're talking about bullyology.com that is the website and as Jessica mentioned briefly, she'll be at the Orange City Centre this Saturday at 11am giving a talk to school aged children and their parents are encouraged to attend. Look, there's plenty we could go on with, but I think it's important if you do need to seek resources. Bullyology once again is the website. Or go along and see Jessica in person this Saturday, 11am at the Orange City Center. Jessica, we're out of time, but I thank you for your time and insight this morning.

Thank you so much.