John Kenny - The Relationship GuyRelationship Coach, John Kenny Coaching · Therapeutic Coaching

How To Achieve the Relationship You Want

25 Mar 2021 · 2 min

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2:03

In this group coaching session, John Kenny – The Relationship Guy guides participants through a series of personal breakthroughs aimed at building healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life. Speaker A reveals a lifelong belief that self‑needs are burdensome, leading to a lack of personal values around happiness and love. John emphasizes the power of conscious choice, urging participants to ask what they truly want for themselves rather than what they think they should want. Speaker C describes how reframing negative self‑talk into positive language boosts confidence. Speaker D shares that the process has alleviated a chronic fear of the future. Speaker E introduces the "monkey" metaphor, illustrating how taking on others’ problems creates unnecessary burden, and demonstrates the relief of returning that responsibility. Throughout, participants report increased confidence, joy, and a renewed sense of self‑worth, illustrating the session’s core message: choosing personal values, setting boundaries, and speaking positively are essential steps toward achieving the relationships and life one desires.

Chapters

I felt I would become a burden if I would say I have needs as well. I grew up believing that what we need to achieve as humans on this earth is just to be there for others.
Okay.
Yeah, I think it struck me later that I had no values around happiness and love.
What we need to try and do is choose. Okay, I could do this. I want to do that. I get to do this. This is something I really want to do, rather than telling ourselves that we should. So when it comes to choice, we need to think about what do I actually want? What do I want for myself? What do I want for my life? How do I want things to be?
The conversations that we used to have when I used to talk in the negative side of things, then you taught me how to say it in a positive way. And even just by changing the way I say things, it's making me feel more confident.
It's helped me. It's taken away the fear of the future. There was always a big fear of the future.
If you're trying to solve somebody else's problem, you're taking their monkey away from them and it's sitting on your shoulder. So they say, just give that monkey back.
And not only is it sitting on your shoulder, it's pulling your hair and biting your ears and—
Yes, generally irritating me.
Yeah, exactly.
So I'm giving that monkey back now.
You've given me the jump start that I needed, and you've brought back the old me, and—
Excellent.
Yeah, I smile a lot more, I laugh a lot more.
I feel like, yeah, I am good enough. And that I can actually achieve what I want to achieve.
Give yourself the choices that you need to give yourself in order to live the life that you want.