How To Keep a Healthy Mindset

It's been a really strange week, you know, and it started off from last Saturday. I started feeling a little bit of my energy going down slowly, and also for me, it was a little bit about my dad's death anniversary coming up on Tuesday. It's just gone.

Oh, okay.

So I woke up feeling a little bit unwell, and that's probably me saying I was unwell is probably me saying emotionally I was really unwell, even though I felt a bit— had a bit of a headache. But it just brought that trauma right back, you know. And what I realized for years— it's been 4 years since he passed away— I've just masked it. Just like, you know, I just kept myself really busy, did the usual stuff that you do on a death anniversary. But, um, those feelings that came up were really raw.

Really raw. Do you know why it hit you so hard this time?

I think it's because I'm— I'm just gonna put the volume up, I can't hear you fully. I think it's— I think it was because I just, um, I think also because hearing about death, right? Yeah, I think there's lots of conversations about death and people losing loved ones, and I got a chance to actually you know, cremate my dad. You know, I got a chance to do that. But however, you know, I think it's all those conversations. He's been coming in my dreams actually the last week.

Okay.

He's been there a few times. And now he does— it happens during the week before he's gonna— his anniversary is gonna come up. But anyway, so that was, that was the start of it all. By Tuesday I was in bed. I just couldn't get out of bed. And then I just felt energy. And then I woke up yesterday feeling absolutely Bored.

Right.

I was like, oh.

Bored or flat or empty or what?

All of it.

All of it, right. I think all of it.

I just thought, you know what, I don't want to cook. I'm bored with cooking. Just feel, oh. But anyway, in between that week, I was getting conversations with— having conversations with people, and the kind of things they've been talking to me about is, A, they're feeling bored. They've got no stimulation in their mind at all. It's the same thing, different day, they do the same old thing. And funnily enough, we've had some messages from New Delhi. You know, people watched our video on the domestic abuse. So I had this lady contact me, her and her friends, and they were saying they're feeling the same kind of thing. They're just— it's becoming really monotonous.

Yeah.

Monotonous, should I say. So, you Yeah, what do— what's your take? Because I know you were saying that you had a little bit of a—

Yes, I actually did a little article on it yesterday because—

Did you?

Yeah, so I, um, I— same as you, Saturday. Now just quickly, just go back to your dream thing. You say— I think that's one thing that's really important for people to tap into, is if there are— my interpretation of dreams is always your subconscious trying to make sense of your world. So when you have those types of dreams and maybe they're unusual dreams or people are popping into those dreams It's your subconscious trying to make sense of what's going on in your world at the moment. So it's interesting that leading up to your father's anniversary, you started to have dreams of him. So you can clearly see that your subconscious has already started to think about what's coming up. So just on the side to the kind of the— that kind of thing is just to, if you're having those types of things, just bring that into your awareness. Okay, well, if I dreamt about my dad, clearly there's something about my dad. that's coming up, that's maybe playing around in the background of my subconscious, and just to check in with that.

That is so powerful. The subconscious is so powerful, isn't it?

Yeah, you know, yeah, and it can answer a lot of your questions for you. If you're not sure what's going on for you, if you're not feeling too great, try and— if you do remember what your dreams are, just maybe check in with those to see if there's something in your dreams which could make sense to you in your conscious life that's actually going on outside. Or for you that you, you can tap into?

Yeah, I better not talk about my other dream. I did actually talk about it to Carol, but I keep on having dreams that I'm going to the toilet.

Okay.

And I can't find a toilet. I'm trying to get there and I can't reach the toilet.

That would make a lot of sense at the moment with this, with what's going on in the world, wouldn't it? Because what does going to the toilet generally give you?

A release.

Yeah. And what does not being able to find a toilet make you feel like?

I can't release.

Yeah, so I mean, they could— it could be the fact actually because you're in this space at the moment where, um, similar space like I said that I started to get into this week as well, which there just seemed to be no, no release. There was no nothing to do. Um, so it could be your toilet dreams could be around this fact that there's your— there's a desperation in you to, to go somewhere, to find something But because the world has gone lockdown, there's nowhere for you to find that toilet. So it could be something like that. But yeah, as I said, I jotted down a few points yesterday because obviously being a coach, I work on myself a lot, and I've been kind of working through the lockdown stuff, being as healthy in my mindset and my emotions as I possibly can be while everything's going on around me. But I noticed on Saturday, I was like, you know what, I really want to go somewhere. And then I just couldn't go anywhere. And then I found myself getting a little bit flatter, a bit more irritated. And then on Monday, I started to feel a bit stressed and I wasn't sure why. And then I got a bit irritated on Tuesday. Um, and I sort of said, you know what, I need to check in with this now. Why am I, why am I feeling like this? Why am I feeling so irritated and short? Um, and basically it was just because of what I'd kind of left over from Saturday when I just got quite deflated at the fact that there was just nothing— I couldn't do something differently. So I tapped into what I've been doing the last few weeks, and not just the last few weeks, but the kind of as what I would do generally to try and keep myself in a good space. So I just jotted about 5 or 6 points down and popped them out on my Facebook and said, this is what I'm doing to help me. I realized I've been struggling. And so there are a few things there we could try to What kind of things did you—

what kind of things did you write in your article? Because I haven't had the opportunity to read it. So what kind of things did you— and did those things bring you back into a good space? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, so it was about me being able to refocus on all the things that I have been doing that can keep me in a good space. And it kind of not only— I didn't actually have to do any of them yesterday, It was just, I had it in my mind that I could do them. So it wasn't— it's an empowering exercise. Because again, in this time, we are— a lot of us are going to feel disempowered because there are only certain things that we can do and certain people we can talk to and all that kind of stuff. And it can be very disempowering. So it's important that we find a way of empowering ourselves through this time. So that we don't feel that flat boredom, perhaps. I mean, there's only so much TV, Netflix you can watch. So I've got Netflix, Prime, and Disney+ now, and it's like, no, I don't really want to watch the TV.

Yeah, that's how I feel now. I'm looking at television, I'm thinking, I flick over the channels, I don't want to do this. No, I'm getting, I'm getting towards, like you say, I'm getting towards a point where I'm thinking, okay, so I've gone to the bookshop twice, I haven't picked up a book yet. Gone there twice and looked at the books and thought, right, what would I really like to read? You know, and I think because you and I are in self-development and we do the coaching, I got to a point where I started thinking, I don't want to do anything to do with self-development because I'm doing that all the time, working on myself. So I was looking for novels, something that can actually take me away to a different place.

Yeah.

And now I'm talking to you, I realize why I'm doing that, because, you know, I just want to escape somewhere. In my head, which you can actually really do, can't you?

Of course you can, yeah, of course you can. Yeah, so that was one of the things I was— the points I make is find something like engage in a hobby. So if you've got a hobby that you love that you're not doing at the moment because you might feel a bit flat, you're not motivated, again, it's just going to do you more harm if you don't do it. Read, kind of take yourself away into a space where you're not focused on all the corona stuff. You really need to have— one of the sections was to have a corona break. Make sure that the COVID stuff is in no way in your mind in any shape or form. If you've got a project that you've been putting off that you now, you know, you've got the time to do, if you want to learn a new language, if you want to improve your language somewhere that you already, you know, you might go somewhere regularly on holiday and your language is pretty good, but you want to brush up on that. If you Want to learn a new instrument, or if you haven't picked up an instrument in a while, and just create some space. In other words, just breathing. Just, you know, take 5 minutes out and just take a breath. You know, sit down, notice how you're breathing, take a few deep breaths. So your parasympathetic system, your nervous system, you need to engage that because when we're under stress or in difficult situations, we need to calm our brain down. And if we can take some deep breathing exercises, then our brain will switch on our parasympathetic system, which sends us into a nice calm, relaxed space, slows our brainwaves down a little bit, and just helps us to chill.

You know, I mean, that's really— I mean, we talked about breathing last week as well, but breathing, yeah, is fantastic. And I've been doing that. I mean, I meditate every day. But the other thing that somebody said to me is that they haven't got the motivation to do anything, so they're just sitting there and it's like, oh, Yeah, I know I can read a book, and I know what to do here. I know, I know what to do, but it's the motivation to really just get up and learn that language or read that book, or, you know, it's just not there at the moment.

And I'm going to suggest that people are in the I can't do mindset, probably. Yeah, you know, because there's so many things you can't do, it makes it difficult for you to focus on what you can do.

And interesting.

That lack of motivation comes from you thinking about the negative all the time. So you're listening to all the negative stories on the news, you're listening maybe to your friends talking about the negativity all the time. There's a what's the point kind of attitude there, and it really will affect how motivated you are to do something.

Yeah.

So to try and get yourself out of that, I think it's Tony Robbins says your motivation to change needs to be more powerful than your motivation to stay the same. So create a reason to get up.

Yeah.

What is my motivation? If I sit here, I'm going to feel A. If I move around, I'm going to feel B. Is B more important than A? Yeah, it is. So, you know, try and buy into what you're going to feel like if you get up and do something. And you could also try the 5-second rule, which is a great little trick. So there's a book called The 5-Second Rule, which in a nutshell is trying to engage your conscious doing part of your brain. Yeah, so what I would suggest people do is if you're sitting on the sofa and you don't really want to do anything and you really find it hard, is just count down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get up, start walking. Okay, your brain then says, well, what are we doing? Okay, and then you tell yourself what you're going to do.

So I like that, I really like that actually. Yeah, I'm going to try that out. I think we should— I think if anyone listening, we should really experiment and then tell us how it worked. So your brain will engage in that and then it will start doing it?

Yeah, it will engage because you're putting yourself in a doing state. So 5, 4, 3, 2, 1— when you get up and then start moving, your brain's like, what are we doing? And then you tell your brain what you're doing rather than your brain telling you what you're doing. So if you're sitting there not, not being motivated, your brain is telling you that you need to stay where you are. So when you do this, the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and get up and start walking, you're telling your brain something completely different. So you've changed your state entirely. And you're engaging, kind of, you're doing part of your brain. Your brain's like, what are we doing? Where are we going?

Yeah.

So if you've already got something in mind that you want to do, which is, all right, well, I need to go and paint the fences in the garden, you then, when your brain— you get up and start to walk and your brain says, where are we going? You go, we're going to go and paint the fences in the garden. And then that would have— you're already in that mindset and you can just— it's a lot easier then to get out of that kind of lethargic space and get yourself moving.

Wow, I'm really gonna try that because that's what I've been really— like, I haven't been online for 2 days, 2, 3 days. I haven't, I just haven't been able to get myself to, let alone, I've just sat on the sofa and slobbed, you know, just in my pajamas, didn't want to get dressed, you know, which is not like me actually. Because in the morning, you know, my kids laugh at me because I even do my hair to go to the shops, you know. That's what I'm like. So for them to see me around the house like proper slobbing out, it's like, you know, my son was like, what's wrong with you, Mum?

Yeah.

Are you okay? Well, yeah, I'm fine. And he goes, your face doesn't look like it's fine. I was like, no, I am actually fine. But, but it was also the other side of that was giving myself permission to allow myself to have a day where I'm doing nothing was challenging, you know? And I can just think about all those people that somebody actually told me they missed going on the trains to commute to work. And she said to me, she goes, I'm shocked I actually missed that. I thought, wow, life must be so bad.

Just take a breath there. How bad it is at the moment.

Yeah!

Being squished in like a sardine on the underground.

Exactly! So it's also like, you know, people were saying that they're finding it hard to give themselves permission to just zonk out.

Yeah, I did. I did exactly the same thing on Sunday because I think of how I felt Saturday. I knew I had quite a lot of things to do, but I thought On Sunday, so I went in, actually went into, did some exercise, which again is one of my things that I'm keeping going, and really good because I'm really starting to notice the impacts of that, of doing regular exercise now. But I went to sit, I had a shower, and I thought I need to get on this stuff on the computer, and I thought, you know, it's a lovely day outside. I mean, you know what, I'm just gonna go and sunbathe. I put my shorts on and went and sat in the garden for a couple of hours.

You're not as brown as me though!

I'm working on it, I'm working on it. Yeah, and then I got— obviously didn't want to spend too much time in the sun, and then I just got my phone, put Netflix on, and sat in the garden in the shade and watched a couple of episodes of Mindhunter, which is a psychological drama on Netflix.

What's it called?

Mindhunter. Oh, I might watch that. It's about the FBI figuring out how psychopath serial killers' minds work.

You know what, I'm intrigued because I love watching programs like that. I just get so intrigued how the mind works. I think we're just those kind of people. We like the psychology of how things, you know, work out.

Yeah, so I just popped myself out. I didn't do any work at all Sunday, and then I felt, although I still was struggling on Monday, I felt a lot better. The fact that I'd taken that time out gave myself permission.

Yeah, I think, I think, you know, that's a really It's a key thing, I think, to give yourself permission, because there's some people that are really working really hard, even though they're not traveling into work, they're still working very hard at home.

Yeah.

Just giving yourself that permission to allow yourself to switch off. And, you know, in the episodes before, we've talked a lot about boundaries, like even switching off at work. I mean, the weekends I won't answer my phone. I refuse to answer my phone on the weekends. But, you know, just giving yourself that permission. But, you know, going back to boredom and mental stimulation, I think the 5-second rule. That sounds like something I'll title this video at, because I think that's going to be a real— I think that's going to be a real, let's, let's get this done. You know, let's do this. You know, even if it means I'm going to give myself a 5-second rule to go and slouch on the couch, whatever it is, it's to use it in both ways. I think it really will work, because as you're saying it to me, I'm already thinking that, you know, for me, it's exercise. I have been doing it, but it's been like one day on, one day off.

Yeah.

I've not been consistent with my exercise, but just thinking about that now, I'm thinking if I said to myself, you know, 5 for 3, go to the treadmill, I can see myself doing it.

Great, great. We'll use it and then let me know how you get on with it. It's definitely something that really helps me when I'm, like you said, in that space. I'm sitting on the sofa and I'm thinking, I've got so much to do, or I've got nothing to do, but most of the thing, I've got so much to do that I don't do anything and I go kind of into Yeah. Sort of inactive state because there's too much on my mind. And then I think, just think, you know what, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get up and walk towards wherever, and then choose something that you're going to do.

Yeah.

Or I'll say, okay, what's most important for me to do? Right, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, get up. And then I tell myself, you're going to do this.

Yeah, yeah.

99% of the time it works.

I like that. We still have had loads of messages, you know, conversations on Instagram, and Again, talking— a lot of women talking about how their men are just mentally just disappeared, just totally disappeared, and, you know, are not doing what they were committed to doing at the beginning of the lockdown. And, you know, I think we did a poll and something was like 87% of women felt the same.

Wow.

So yeah, which is, which is a big number. So it was, you know, at the beginning they started off helping her out, and then as it went on And the time has gone on, they've just slipped into this space where there's no engagement. I suppose that's personality types as well, really, to be fair.

Definitely, definitely.

Yeah, yeah, to be fair. Yeah.

So, um, but, you know, also we would need to just check in with the health of those relationships before. Yeah, as well, you know, are you expecting something from somebody that they wouldn't usually do under normal circumstances? So yes, their enthusiasm for couple of weeks or even a couple of days might have been there, but, you know, the person that you're with is, you know, is that beyond your normal expectation of what they would do?

True.

And is the relationship in a kind of a healthy space? Are they in a healthy space to be able to, to be okay in this kind of, in this kind of environment anyway? So I would suggest that a lot of those 87% were probably not in a great space in the first place. Yeah, that situation.

And then they— or they didn't have a relationship where they equally did all the things in the house, household, you know. The, the other thing, you know, the feminist inside of me would say, well, maybe those women, that the 87% of those women are also women that went to work and, and did a lot of work and also are not used to doing the things at home. that they're doing right now. So, you know, so I can understand the frustration they must be feeling about, hold on a second, you know, I've gone— I've, I've been at work, you know, or I was at work, you was at work, but now we're both in this situation which is not in our control, so you both gotta chip in and just do the work. But that's not happening.

No.

It's not happening.

No. And again, yeah, see, it's about understanding the mindset of the person that you're with. Yeah, you know, like you said, there are a lot of people that are going to have retreated into a very unhealthy space You know, there's a lack of self, a lot of lack of self going around at the moment. So if you've already—

What does that mean? What does that mean, lack of self?

So everything that would make you, you, really. So, you know, what you do for a job, how you see yourself as a person, your role within the family, everything that maybe defines how you see you, a lot of that won't be here at the moment. So It's, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a struggle for some people to feel purposeful, to feel engaged, because everything that they see themselves as is gone at the moment. And a lot of people are really going to struggle with that because, you know, this is what I was talking about. If you've got a hobby or something that you can engage with, find something that is you.

Yeah.

You know, what can you do that is actually a nice big chunk of your personality and try and engage with that a bit more if you can. But, you know, work takes up so much time. If you If you're not at work at the moment and that was your purpose, yeah, you know, it's really difficult to find a new purpose, but it doesn't mean that you can't. It just means we need to dig a bit deeper and just say, okay, what would make me feel purposeful? So that was one of the things I put in the notes yesterday.

Hmm.

How can you feel purposeful? Can you start helping with deliveries for people with medicines and food and things like that? Can you volunteer to talk to lonely and vulnerable people, and you just generally, you know, knock on your neighbour's door from the 2 metres and say, is there anything you need? Are there other members of your family that you're not connecting with, that you could be connecting with a bit more, that you would usually see on a regular basis? You know, it's harder over online, obviously, because there's no physical contact and you're not in the physical energy of that person, but, you know, are you neglecting Yeah, so it's really important that you just think about what would make you feel purposeful and look for that kind of stuff in your life.

I think, you know, when we talked about— there was a time when we talked about purposeful, there was one of our episodes we did together about being purposeful and feeling lost and also feeling guilty. That actual video had 14,000 views.

Wow.

So, you know, I think people are really, um, are really, what's the word, that they are so connected to that conversation because they must be really feeling like that. And, you know, I don't know where they view— where the views came from, whether it was just the UK or the world, but there was a lot of views. I mean, our other video we talked about was 7,500 views. So, you know, it's— the people are really feeling the same all over the world.

Yeah, sure. It's gonna be— I think you mentioned before we started chatting, you were talking about this consciousness. I mean, Carl Jung talks about this collective consciousness that we all, we all experience, and I think this is something that we are all in together.

Yeah.

The 90% of the population are having to do something that they've never had to do before, and we are all going to be experiencing similar or the same problems, emotions, experiences, um, based on the situation that we are all in. Um, so yeah, there's going to be Millions of people out there that would engage with this in, oh yeah, I get that, that's exactly where I am.

I think I'm fascinated with that because, you know, it's the first time I think the world's been through, you know, apart from the world wars, you know, it's the first time in our generation and, you know, the generations below us or even above us now actually, you know, probably 80s and 90-year-olds have been through this, but it's the first time we've consciously been through the same thing ever. And, you know, it's apparently the magnetic, magnetic field through meditation has gone up.

Okay.

You know, people, more and more people are meditating. So that's scientifically, they've done some research on that. So, you know, it really, it just fascinates me that we're all feeling the same thing at the same time. And, you know, I am going to do the emotional cycle of change. I will do that today. But also that we're all going through this emotional cycle where we're actually All started off okay, we knew exactly what we're gonna, we're gonna be doing and why we're doing this, we knew, and then it's just, we, we're actually reaching that bottom peak, like I think the next, this week and next week, we will be there when people are gonna feel flat.

I think so, I think the only good thing that we've got to look forward to I think is that in probably about 3 or 4 weeks' time they're going to be starting to lift some of them.

Yeah, definitely, definitely.

And there will be a little bit more freedom For people to get out and do a little bit more stuff.

Well, you said the word, John— freedom. Yeah, that's a big word. Yeah, massive word.

Well, I think it's a fundamental human need. Yeah, is to feel free, you know, and if we don't feel free, we feel terrible. And given, you know, all the clients I work with, once they've got to a stage where they've given themselves a sense of freedom, that weight that gets lifted off of their shoulders is amazing. And I know again myself, when I realized that myself, when I gave myself permission to be free many years ago, it made a huge difference to how I lived my life.

Yeah.

And kind of just everyday feeling of enlightenment that you get. Yeah, it's a freedom. And I think it's Brendan Bouchard writes in one of his books about the fundamental need for freedom, and he does a whole kind of more or less a book on the sense of freedom, and it's an amazing insight that he writes about it, but it is, I think, clearly a fundamental need for everybody to feel free.

So people listening today, what would you be— what would be your takeaway for them? What would be your key points that you'd say to people now?

Yeah, so I mean, everybody's different, and that's why I'm only— let me just grab my list up and other things I wrote about. So the basic of the article was to find safety, calm, connection, efficacy, and hope.

Mm-hmm.

So safety— we all need to feel secure, and we all need to have some sense of safety in our lives. So obviously everything that's going on at the moment, there is a massive amount of Sure. Because people are dying, we could get sick, we don't feel safe. There are a lot of fearful stories out there, so it's important that you, you find a safe space. So I would sort of— things like don't spend too much time watching the news, on social media, talking to negative friends or family, so that you're not buying into that flow of negative stuff all the time. And create some sense of security. So focus on things in your life that are relatively safe. So all the things that you've got in your life rather than things that you don't have in your life. If you're well, keep reminding yourself that you're well. You know, if you've got this that you can do, keep reminding yourself, well, you know what, I can do this, just to keep yourself in that kind of safety zone. I've already mentioned about keeping a COVID-free zone.

Yep.

You know, do something that is going to take your mind completely away from the situation at the moment. We know that helping to regulate your nervous system— so if you're stressed all the time, it's going to affect your immune system, so you're going to be more susceptible to catching it in the first place if you don't regulate yourself. I've ordered, which is going to turn up today from Amazon actually, I've ordered myself an archery kit.

Oh, that's cool! What a good idea! I think I might do that. I like archery.

Yeah, so I haven't done it for years, but I thought, you know, what can I do? And I was having a flick through, and I got an email from one of the sports stores that I'm registered with, and they had this archery kit on there.

That's so cool.

I thought, well, do you know what, I could do that. Looks like quite good fun. So something a bit different, something I haven't done for a while. So I'm going to stick my archery kit up in the garden when it arrives and fire a few arrows around.

I think I might do that too.

Yeah, so efficacy is the ability to produce an intended or a desired result. So we've already kind of touched on this. It's about finding something purposeful. So where would you find happiness, connection, purpose, meaning? You know, something that you can put your mind to to get a desired result, so something positive. So I would suggest that people have a look into that. We've spoken about breathing, so creating some calm, those nice calming hormones into your body. Connection, we've already touched about. Hope, we've sort of touched about on as well, as you know, this is going to come to an end soon. But again, so just keep that in mind. Yes, it's not very nice at the moment, but this will pass. Everything passes.

Yeah.

It's like everything— every time we lose something, we need to experience grief. We will experience grief. And this is a loss at the moment. It's a loss of, as we said, freedom. It's a loss of the ability to do what you would normally do.

Yeah.

And it's just about being able to deal with that grief, but to know that actually, to create some hope in yourself that, you know, what would you do when it— when you, you know, what's the first thing you're going to do when it's over? What holiday are you going to plan? Who are you going to go and see? Create that kind of sense of what am I going to do when this is over? Well, sometimes something like a gratitude journal, appreciation journal. So this wires your brain to focus on your positives. So what are you grateful for? It's about trying to keep yourself out of that kind of negative.

Yeah, and I think, I think it's like you said, these are kind of things, even though we talked about the beginning of our episodes, it's because we're reaching that real low at the moment, and this week and next week, these are the kind of things we need to revisit and re-engage with to keep us going. Yeah, definitely, because I think that's exactly what I've had to do this week.

Yeah, I've chosen to kind of buy into the good and the positive and avoid— I mean, I haven't watched the news all week.

It's still a choice though, isn't it? It's still a choice.

Yeah, I haven't watched the news. The only bit I did do made me laugh because I was watching Donald Trump, and that always makes me laugh.

What, his orange tan, do you mean?

Yeah, exactly, where he wears his sunburnt glasses.

I know, he's got sunburnt as well, you can see the tan on him. Oh my good God, as well as if you haven't got the money, exactly, you know, to sort that out. But hey, he probably likes it like that.

Yeah. He was talking about, um, people having the right not to follow the rules of certain Democratic governors and go out on the street, and I think in No wonder you've got so many thousands of dead people in your country.

Chaotic, chaotic.

And it was, on the one hand it made me laugh, but on the other hand it was very sad. Yes, it's funny. But just, just looking at the guy makes me smile anyway.

Yeah, do put him on every time you want to have a good laugh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are—

How not to get tan.

Yeah, exactly.

Or go under the sunbed or whatever he does.

I don't know what he does. Yeah, whatever he does, it doesn't work for Yeah, I mean, that's—

I mean, that country, you can see that people are rebelling, they're fighting against now, but then you can see how leadership is so important. But I have to say, you know, you know, and in this country, even though people are really complaining about the government, we have to see— be grateful, as at least it's not as bad as America, in the nicest possible sense, you know. We have to be grateful. Okay, we're not right. I don't think we're doing as well as we could have done, But it's not as bad as other countries like America.

No, it's nuts, nuts. Um, you know, they are, they are a law unto themselves in general anyway, aren't they? So, um, but with someone like that at the helm telling you one thing and it's just confusing, you know, uh, and everybody else telling you something else, it's, it's just not going to do anybody any good.

No, not at all.

No. Um, and again, you can see why they're struggling so much with certain, certain areas of the country because they are just going around as normal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what I'm taking away from this conversation, I think is a really key thing for anyone listening, is that we are all going through the same thing at the same time, because the lockdowns kind of happened in, in a week of each other, I think. So we're kind of going through the same thing. So it is a conscious thing that we're all going through. And, you know, forgiveness for yourself, like forgiving myself to not getting up and wanting to make dinner for everybody one day, was like, you know, I I don't know what they eat actually, to be fair. But I know what I eat because I make my own food.

You know, it's your— you need to be responsible. You don't always have to be responsible for someone else, do you?

Yeah, I've got little kids though, so it's, you know—

At this time, I would suggest that actually being responsible for other people is probably a good thing because again, it will keep you purposeful. But again, don't overdo it. Yeah, always, you know, 24/7 they're going to be around you at the moment a lot.

Yeah.

You don't need to be responsible for them 24/7. You need to be responsible for yourself. So if you want to go and play archery in the garden, you know, and they don't want to, then you go and do what you want to do.

Exactly. I think that's really important. I think that's really— I've locked myself in my bedroom for like every day for a couple of hours, and I've really enjoyed my time alone.

Yeah, because just think of what you would do during the week, right? You know, if it was a normal week for you, how much time would you actually spend with your family?

Exactly, yes, absolutely, very good point.

They're there 24/7, so, you know, I mean, we talked about this before. Yeah, get yourself some space, send your partner out with the kids rather than you.

For 8 hours, please, John, tell me I can send him out for 8 hours. Honestly, I need that time away. Do you know, I'm not looking forward to my husband retiring. He's only 50, but I just— you know when you hear women talk about their husbands retiring, they're like For God's sake, they argue about opening the window. No, I've got to close the window. No, open the window. I just think to myself, oh my God, if my husband decides to stay at home when he's retired, I think I'll go nuts.

Do you know what? This is probably a really good experience for you now to think about what that's— what is that going to be like and start to plan ahead.

Honestly, I think I'm going to go and get myself a full-time job somewhere and get out of the house. When he retires, I'm going to be out. Honestly, I couldn't cope with him being at home all day. Because the way he thinks is so different to the way I think, you know. So he's constantly, you know, in that— when he's working, he's in that boss mode. So yesterday I had— I made chickpea curry and rice yesterday, and in the evening he was like, oh, but we had this in the afternoon. And I was like, yeah, and? You're having it in the evening. Oh, is there anything else to eat? No, but you can cook it yourself. In my head I thought, we can cook it yourself. Good night, see you later. I'm going upstairs tomorrow.

Why not? Why not? Or actually, maybe tomorrow.

You could cook! No, I'd be lucky if he makes me a good cup of tea, actually. He's not one of those, he's not one of those, no.

Okay, well, maybe that's something you need to pre-plan for when he retires.

Honestly.

Give him some cookery classes.

No, I think my husband would probably say, right, I'll get you a cook or something, a chef or something.

Oh, there you go.

Yes, so not that that's ever happened, but he probably will say, no, no, no, I'll work, I'll work to retire to get you a shed. Ultimately it'll be for him. But all jokes aside, you know, that is going to be challenging with relationships. Like my kids, even my kids, in the last couple of days there's been some arguments between the family, and one's gone in one room, the other one's gone in the other room. And, you know, I've spent a lot of time in my room, Sam's been in the garden, and I think that's happening a lot in families now. So all these things we've talked about is something to really think about, you know, what, what, what do you need to do? And if you just need to slob, then just slob.

Yeah, and I think with the kids as well, what do your kids need? You know, like I said, if you've got young kids, don't be— I mean, it's difficult 24/7 because they're going to be very needy, and, you know, but ask them what they want to do. I mean, you know, they are going to feel the same as we are. They are going to feel very trapped and restricted, and they're going to miss their friends and school and everything. You know, their normality. You know, so even if it is, you know, if you've got a few, you've got a couple of kids or whatever, then just take one out at a time for a walk, you know, get them out on their own.

Quality time with them, yeah.

Quality time, yes, have a chat with them, see how they're feeling, and it might make you feel better as well. Gives you a sense more of purpose and belonging and connection, all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, because it can be challenging. I mean, I was a single mum for 7 years, so, you know, I think for all those single parents out there, Not just mums, but single parents. It must be tough for them to, you know, constantly think of the needs of a child and then having to put their needs to one side. So it must be really challenging in lots of areas, but we can have more conversations about these. But thank you for today, and thank you for the humour as well in all of this, you know. And I kind of take some solace in knowing that everybody else is kind of going through— not in a morbid way, but, you know.

No, you know, we are in this, we are definitely in this together, and no matter how much self-development work you've done on yourself in the past, there are going to be moments when you're going to struggle. So just bear in mind, give it— like you said, give yourself a break. Yeah, you know what, this is tough. Yeah, well, I'm not very happy at the moment. Yes, this is sad. I am losing— I'm going through some kind of grief. And be nice to yourself. Show yourself some self-compassion and understanding so you don't dive into a very negative spot. And then once you've allowed yourself to process how you're feeling, What can I do about it?

Sure.

Yeah, fab.

Thank you, John.

Be good to yourself.

And you. Bye.