John Kenny explores how "shoulds" and "have-tos" trap you in other people's expectations instead of your own choices. He argues that doing what makes you happy matters more than managing how others react to it.
Chapters
The past tells us that we are expected to do things a certain way, or that there are— our experiences are telling us that things need to be a certain way for us to feel okay. Whether that's based on an external or an internal kind of validation process, it leads to kind of shoulds and have-tos. Now, you don't actually have to do anything. You could, I could just sit on this sofa all day and do nothing, if that's my choice. But I should get up and do something. Should I? No. Again, it's all about choice. So, If I want to get up and do something, I can. First thing I remember learning in counseling training was that shoulds are shit. And Tony Robbins says that people go around shoulding all over themselves. Because shoulds are imposed expectations. They're either expectations that we think other people have of us, or they're expectations we have of ourselves. And a should is never something you really want to do. I should do this and I should do that. And your brain is kind of saying, okay, well, okay, I'll do it, but I don't really want to. So it never feels good to should. That's a new phrase.
Eat your heart out, Tony Robbins. You know what, I need to do the best thing for me. I know other people might not like it, but they need to deal with their emotions for themselves because it's okay and it's really vital that you do things that are going to make you happy. Regardless of the impact that they might have on other people. And people need to deal with their things for themselves. And what we want in our lives is for people that go, you know what, I understand that. I understand that you need to do this for you, and I'm happy that you're going to do this for you, even though that may not really suit what I want.
