John Kenny - The Relationship GuyRelationship Coach, John Kenny Coaching · Therapeutic Coaching

Signs You Have Experienced Emotional Abuse Part One

21 Nov 2023 · 3 min

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In this video, relationship coach John Kenny explains how emotional abuse experienced in childhood or past relationships can create a cycle of unhealthy adult relationships. He defines emotional abuse as verbal and emotional manipulation used to control another person, citing examples such as humiliation, manipulation, verbal aggression, belittling, and intimidation. Kenny describes repression of negative emotions as a natural coping response that can mask the lasting impact of abuse. He then outlines two key signs that someone may be repressing emotional abuse: (1) difficulty making decisions independently, often relying on others and feeling lost about personal wants and needs; and (2) chronic people‑pleasing, feeling the need to be perfect or indispensable to be accepted and loved. By recognizing these patterns, viewers can begin to understand how past abuse continues to affect them and start the process of healing.

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Hello. In my previous relationship rambling, I talked about signs that you could be in a toxic relationship right now, or that you may have experienced toxic relationships in the past. One of the reasons why we might find ourselves in a cycle of unhealthy relationships is adults is because of the emotional abuse that we would experience in our childhood and then subsequent relationships we may have had moving forwards. Now, one reason for this is that we can repress what we went through as a way of coping, and by noticing and understanding the signs of how it might still be affecting you to this day, you are able to move on. So what's a definition of emotional abuse? Well, it uses verbal and emotional manipulation in an effort to control another person. So some examples of this may include humiliation, manipulation, verbal aggression, belittling, and intimidation. Repression of negative emotions is a very natural response Because we either need to minimize the effects of the emotional abuse, or we need to be able to avoid how they make us feel altogether. It is important though, however, to recognize the impacts that this might have had on us. So today I'm going to talk about signs that you might be repressing emotional abuse from past relationships and have a list of signs and things to look out for. So number 1 is that you aren't very good at making decisions for yourself. If you struggle to know what to do with your free time and often rely on others to make decisions for you, it may be a sign of repressed emotional abuse. This is often the case for people who are highly focused on the needs of others, people pleasing, which is often the case in emotionally abusive relationships. Over time, such expectations can cause you to lose touch with who you are, what you want, and what you need. So number 2 is you are a people pleaser. Do you want to be seen as a person that helps and have to get it right or perfect for others? You might believe that you need to be perfect in every way for your relationship to work or for you to be accepted and loved by your partners. On the other side to this, being Being a people pleaser is all about you and what you are trying to achieve, and these needs can come from a toxic past. Think about what you might be trying to get out of making other people happy.