Why Relationships Are Key When Building Your Business - with Nick James

So today my guest is someone I have the privilege of working with recently as part of his Expert Empires Mastermind. One of the reasons I wanted to become part of this was because of the emphasis that he places on the improvement of people and the significance of positive relationships. So please welcome to The Relationship Guy Podcast, Mr. Nick James.

Thanks, John. Thanks for having me on.

You're very, very welcome. It's lovely to have you. Thank you for agreeing to be a guest. A brief introduction, just mentioned The Expert Empires. Um, would you like to tell the listeners a bit about yourself, please?

Yeah, for sure. Um, well, I guess I've probably been, um, learning, studying personal development, self-improvement since I was a kid. Went to my first Tony Robbins seminar at 12 years of age, um, and grew up— I can't— I guess I was kind of raised by the personal development industry for, um, in some respects. Um, and Expert Empire is what I, what I do today, really. That's my main business. I've got a couple of others, um, but essentially the purpose of that business is to support people like yourself, John— coaches, consultants, speakers, trainers, authors, experts, people that have got a business, um, designed to make an impact on people. Yeah, they're in the people-helping industry, if you want to put it that way. Um, and you know what I do is help with business strategy, um, teach sales, marketing— essentially, how do you make a bigger impact and make more income from doing it.

Awesome. And it's, you know, recently, uh, we're just speaking after your last expert and buyers event as well, the Max Out event, which was— I went to, which was absolutely amazing. You know, like, as I think we mentioned just before broadcast, the amount of people that have their minds blown going to those types of events, um, your event especially, um, you know, the feedback I got just sitting with people that had never been before, um, the impact that you have on people is amazing.

Yeah, and I think, I think this one, to be fair, was special because it's been so long since we've been able to run a large-scale live in-person event, you know. So ordinarily, I think in 2019 I ran 4 large in-person events as well as, you know, 100+ other live events, smaller numbers throughout the year. You know, we haven't run a large-scale event with more than maybe 50 people in the room for nearly 2 years. And so I think there was, there was a kind of itch amongst our community to connect again. And of course, you know, the topic of your podcast, to, to collaborate, to connect, to build relationships, both business and personal. So yeah, I do think whilst I'd love to say, yes, John, it was an amazing event, best event we've ever run, um, and I believe that is true, I do think that partly, um, yeah, the Absence of live events and live experiences has probably made people even more excited.

Yeah, definitely. I definitely noticed that myself, the energy in the room, especially when it was just starting. I was standing right next to you before you went on stage, just before it started off, and the energy in the room just before you went out there was absolutely astounding. So well done, Fern. Congratulations for such a fantastic event last week. Um, so You know, you mentioned that your background, you know, I've heard you sort of mention this before about your kind of life living in the Tony Robbins road and going to your personal development events from 12 years of age because of the connections with your mum to Tony Robbins. When did it sort of become first clear to you the significance of building relationships with people for yourself?

Yeah, I think I've probably always been a natural relationship builder, connector. We use, uh, John, as you probably know and your listeners may have heard of, we use a tool called DISC profiling, um, in our business for recruitment and, um, to get a better understanding of our clients and their personality styles. I'm a, um, predominantly influence, um, personality style. Um, so there's dominance, influence, steadiness, compliance. Influence is the, the profile that's probably most naturally aligned to building relationships, to connecting with other people. So it's, it's always been— I've always been the sort of person that had a lot of friends when I was at school, you know, naturally kind of connected with people from different backgrounds, different walks of life. Even, you know, when I was a kid, would easily connect and have conversations with people a lot older than me, which funnily enough, my oldest son is exactly the same.

Right.

Like 12, but— and by the way, he looks 12, but you wouldn't know because, you know, he can easily, you know, hold a conversation with, with, you know, my nan who's 94 and still going strong. So yeah, I think, um, I've always known unconsciously that building relationships is important. When I became most aware of it, um, and how important that is in a business context Um, was probably when I was working in sales in my first kind of, um, proper job, if you like, um, where I was working for, uh, an NLP training company. So they would run seminars, workshops teaching neuro-linguistic programming, which is kind of like a kind of collection of tools and techniques developed to help you improve your mindset and thinking and communication skills. And yeah, I realised then in sales that, you know, essentially, and of course, John, you know, it's my catchphrase now, the more you connect, the more you collect.

Yeah.

And so, you know, I realised that actually, even though I was never really a natural salesperson per se, I was very good at connecting and building relationships with people, which of course in turn builds trust. And then in turn, when trust's been built, then um, you know, uh, I guess in the, in the context of my role then in sales, then, um, sales conversations can take place, um, and deals can be done. So I guess that was probably the first time I realized the importance of relationships as far as business is concerned.

Yeah, okay. And how have you kind of then nurtured that as you've moved your businesses forward? Because, you know, you've been very, very successful Uh, you've had your few blips, which, which we— maybe if you want to touch on that as well, um, within your business. But how, how significant then have you then placed the relationships as you move forward and the successes have come for you?

Yeah, I think, look, I mean, I often say that I think when it comes to creating the strategy to grow a business, the strategy should be based upon your unique skill set, personality style, the industry you're in, a few factors. But it would be foolish of me to try and build a business based upon my ability to follow a process because that's not my natural style. Um, it makes much more sense for me to try and build my business based upon my ability to connect and form relationships with people because that's my style, that's my skill. Um, so, so I think, yeah, I mean For me, the vast majority of the success I've had in business has been down to relationships, connections, collaborations. Um, so in the early days, um, I, I spent almost zero on advertising. And, uh, like, how I built my business was through partnerships, joint ventures, collaborations, um, finding ways to work with other businesses, other people in my industry, and, and collaborate and find win-win situations. Um, so yeah, I think taking it from, you know, the early days, understanding, realizing how important relationships were in sales, I then realized that relationships were crucial in building a community, building a personal brand. And, you know, like I say, I mean, because I was very good at that it meant that I didn't need to be as good at other things like, you know, advertising, like, um, you know, the, the kind of techie side. I was able to do it under duress, but never, you know, it was never really my genius, if you like. But, um, yeah, I think I wouldn't have been able to have the, um, even a small amount of the success I had if it wasn't for that skill.

So the kind of the foundations really then of your first businesses were based on your ability to create and form those, those relationships.

Exactly. And even to this day, John, you know, I've got 3 businesses, um, one of which I own outright myself, but the other 2 are partnerships where I partner with people that I've built relationships with over many years. And now their skill set combined with my skill set and the infrastructure that I've built and the team that I've built, you know, I'm now able to own half of these 2 other businesses without me having having to day-to-day operate them, but it's because I've built a relationship with my business partners, Matt and Ryan. So I think, I think for me personally, the, um, what, what got me started was that skill, and even now what's allowed me to scale has been that skill but applied in a slightly different way.

Right, I think that's really important for people that are listening to understand that when they're trying to build a foundation for their business, when they're trying to move their business forward, the real significance of having those— building those quality and important relationships.

Yeah, and by the way, John, I mean, I've screwed it up as well. Like, let's not pretend that this has been a, you know, that's been a seamless, flawless journey, because it really hasn't. You know, I guess I say this a lot, generally your greatest strength will always be your greatest weakness. So if my greatest strength is building relationships and and building trust and partnerships with people. Um, I also do have a tendency, and this has, you know, caused me problems on more than one occasion, where I've connected with somebody, partnered with them, um, you know, gone into business with them, and then it hasn't worked out. And, you know, again, I'm probably— generally speaking, I'm a trusting person. I believe that, you know, all people have the best intentions. And, um, you know, on a couple of occasions it's caused me to make bad decisions. But you can't go— whether it's business or personal, you can't go your whole life without making a mistake.

No.

You just can't. So I think, you know, I, I actually, um— it's funny, you know, people often— I often hear people say like they don't regret a single thing that they've done. I don't know, I, I kind of go, well, Knowing what I know now, would I have made that same mistake over? No, of course not. I'd have made a different decision. But do I regret those mistakes? No, because it taught me valuable lessons. And so, you know, it brought me to where I am today. But yeah, I mean, certainly if I had my time again, knowing what I know now, um, I certainly would make different decisions. I probably wouldn't be as quick to form partnerships or to collaborate with certain people. Um, but you know, we all make mistakes, some more than others. I, I, I would speculate that, um, John, you know, you know me fairly well because you're in our mastermind and there's, you know, 130 other people that are in our various different mastermind programs. I'd be, I'd be willing to bet that I've made more mistakes in business than pretty much all of the people that I work with put together. Um, and I say that as a good thing.

Yeah, which is a real benefit for us.

It means that, you know, hopefully you can, um, fast-track and avoid making the same mistakes. But I also think that it, it does certainly speed up your— like, for me, the amount of mistakes that I made in a relatively short period of time sped up my learning process and moved me further forward much more quickly. Yeah. And I think a lot of times people are too tentative too fearful to progress. And then, you know, they don't make any massive mistakes, but they also don't make any progress either.

Yeah, yeah. No, I get that. That's kind of where I come from with my, my coaching, really. I've made a lot of relationship mistakes, but do I regret them? No. Would I do— would I have avoided them if possible? Maybe. Because— but like you said, they've learned. They've taught me a very valuable lesson. I've learned so much from those experiences, which now when I'm working with my clients and helping them to create the healthy relationships they're looking for, I can look back on my experiences and say, okay, this is why this didn't work out for me, and this is the pain that I experienced from that space, and this is what I've now brought forward from that. And I can help people to not— to the best of my ability— not make those kind of mistakes for themselves.

Yeah, sure. And I mean, you know, it gives you references and experiences to draw upon so that you can have more empathy with your clients. If you've, if you've only ever had one amazing relationship for your whole life, there's not been any bumps in the road, when you meet with a client and they're having a massive problem in their relationship, you can't relate. And, and they won't— they're far less likely to choose you as their coach because they don't see how you can relate either. Um, and like I say, you know, I've made— obviously I don't do what you do, John. I don't coach people on relationships, I coach people on business. But since I've made pretty much every mistake you can possibly imagine in business It's not difficult for me to advise, support, um, and mentor people as they are having massive challenges, problems, issues. I had a client literally yesterday on the phone who's in a business partnership and he's starting to question that partnership.

Right.

And I'm like, yeah, here's exactly what my experience was when I was in this position. And he's like, oh my God, it's like you understand it so well. I feel exactly the same, exactly what you just said. I can I relate to 100%. I'm like, yeah, I know, because I've done this numerous times. So it does, it does help, I think.

Yeah, definitely. I mean, there are some people that would say, well, I don't want to work with you because you've made mistakes, but they would have completely come in from the wrong space, I would say. Exactly. Yeah, that's amazing. And as far as the kind of importance of personal relationships, so on this show I like to talk to people a little about their personal side of things as well, and the significance of the personal relationships Not only with their life, but especially with yours, with the business side of things. Yeah. What kind of, kind of impact do you feel that your personal relationships have had on you throughout your kind of business journey and your life journey?

Yeah, a couple of things that immediately spring to mind. One is that the more I've invested time in building personal relationships with people that I do business with, the more success I've had. Right. So I think it's all well and good having a business relationship that's purely transactional, nothing wrong with that, but If you take the time and invest the energy, the heart if you want, in building that personal relationship, any transactional business relationship you have will be magnified, amplified, it will be improved. So like, case in point, John, um, you know, I think a really good friend of mine called Rob Moore, and Rob and I had a transactional business relationship. Um, I I sent out some direct mail, some letters in 2010, probably, to a handful of people that I wanted to do business with. Rob was on that list. He responded to the letter, he became a client, we made some money together. That was it. And then we would pop up on each other's radar. We were both speaking at an event or whatever. periodically over the years ahead. And then all of a sudden, we started being on each other's radar a little bit more. And instead of it just being, yeah, Nick and Rob occasionally do a bit of business together, it was like, actually now Nick and Rob spend time talking on the phone about life and hobbies. And we got our kids together to play golf.

Yep.

And we went out for dinner with our wives. And all of a sudden, this business relationship became a friendship, a personal relationship. And guess what? Since that business relationship became a personal friendship, we have made 10 times as much money together.

All right, wow.

Because of course there's more connection and there's more trust, and therefore there's more— like one, one project we did together, John, it was a big, big event we did in, in summer 2019. There was a lot of financial risk for both of us because the amount of trust had been built we felt comfortable taking that risk, which we would never have done. I would probably never have taken that level of financial risk alongside somebody else if it was purely just a business relationship.

Okay.

But Rob trusts me, I trust him. Um, you know, we've, we've also spent, like I said, a lot of time together with our families and stuff. But also, you know, we've spent loads of time together, him helping me, me helping him, just, you know, being mates, giving each other advice about about problems, challenges, things that we're going through in our lives. And I think that, that for me makes a massive, massive difference. So I do believe that the depth of personal relationship you have makes a massive difference on any business relationship.

Right.

The other thing that comes to mind, John, when you ask about personal relationships is, um, it's been consistently throughout my career. I can almost— I could plot a correlation if I ever put a graph together about this between, um, how happy I am in my personal intimate relationship with my wife, um, and family as well, and the success I'm having in business. And I could almost plot a correlation. I know this isn't the topic of today's discussion, but if I plotted a correlation between happiness in my relationships, um, health and well-being, business success, you'd see a direct correlation between those 3 things. And if you start to see one of them drop off, I guarantee the others follow trend, right?

I don't think that's absolutely apt for the, for the, for the podcast, that you can make that direct link to how you feel overall, how successful you are overall, and actually what's going on in your, in your private life.

Well, listen, case in point, um, In 2019, I had my best year ever in business in terms of revenue, but there were a few things a bit off in my personal life, namely, um, my health and well-being, um, and also then as a result of that, like, you know, the amount of time and energy I could dedicate to my family, my wife and kids. And so at the start of 2020, I made a decision, um, a number of decisions, but the key one was stop drinking alcohol for the whole year.

Right.

Um, so guess what? Throughout 2020, I was physically healthier, fitter, had more energy than I've ever had before in my life.

Mm-hmm.

I was more present and able to be around in great energy, in, you know, emotionally, mentally positive. Without doubt was a better husband, better father throughout that 12 months than any other period in my life. Guess what? In 2020, probably the worst year many people have had in business, we had our record year ever for profit.

Right.

It's not a coincidence.

No.

Not a coincidence. Um, you know, and I could also plot, um, and I've shared, John, uh, with you, as you know, you know, I had a business partnership that kind of went wrong in 2014-15. Um, guess what? I could plot that at that time in my life, um, and I have— I haven't really shared this really, but since it's the topic of this podcast, I'm happy to— it was probably the toughest 12 to 18 month period me and my wife have ever had in our relationship.

Right, okay.

And, and you could— now you could question and go, what's the cause and what's the effect? Was the cause of the problems I was having in the business the fact that I wasn't in such a great place in my relationship, or was it that the lack of success or the failure that I was experiencing in my business had a knock-on effect on my, my marriage? And the honest answer is I don't know, and I could never work that out or tell you. But what I do know is there's a direct correlation between the two. Um, and so it was probably the toughest 12-18 month period I've ever had in my entire life. And as soon as I started addressing, um, key areas, namely my relationship, my marriage, spending more time with my kids, my health, my fitness, my well-being, guess what? business started to succeed again.

Right.

So yeah, I do think that it's all well and good just looking at, um, different areas of life, um, in isolation and looking at our health and looking at our financial success and looking at our marriage or intimate relationship and looking at all these different areas in isolation. Yeah, but generally what I've experienced, at least— can't say it's true for everyone, but what's definitely true for me is that there's a correlation between— and I've mentioned probably the 3 that are most important to me, and of course not everyone shares my values, um, but for sure, um, those 3 key areas for me personally tend to correlate.

Yeah, no, definitely. I don't think unless you can really compartmentalize certain areas of your life, which is not generally, I would say, a healthy pursuit to do anyway. There is going to be a bleed, isn't there, from every area of your life? It's going to— there's going to be a correlation, like you said, between how healthy you're feeling, how happy you're feeling in certain areas of your life, and how successful you're feeling in certain areas of your life. And that is going to have a knock-on effect to everything else that you do.

Totally.

Yeah, thanks for sharing that. That's, uh, it's really open of you, and really appreciate that. One word that you've mentioned quite a lot so far is the word trust. The significance of that relation with relationships to you seems to be very powerful.

Yes, um, not sure what else I can say on it really. I mean, yeah, you can't, you can't have a business relationship unless there is trust. You can't have an intimate relationship unless there is trust. I mean, the relationship you have with yourself is based upon— the quality relationship you have with yourself is based upon how much do you trust yourself, um, to do the right thing, to, to behave in a way that's aligned with your values. So yeah, for me, um, it's crucial. And of course, you know, all the old clichés and adages are true that, you know, trust takes a long time to build but it's quickly and easily broken. And, um, and so I think, yeah, certainly from a business point of view, um, absolutely massive.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, purely just from a sales perspective, like, a sale cannot take place unless there is trust between the customer, the client, and the, um, the business that's providing the products or service. Just can't take place. What— why do— why do I buy Apple products? Why do I use a MacBook Air? Why do I have an iPhone? Why do I have AirPods? Why do I use Apple products? Because I trust that they're not going to break.

Yeah.

And I also trust that, um, that they're going to give me the best experience possible, um, and that I'm going to get good value for money. I trust Apple more than I trust PC, Microsoft, you know, whatever other products are available.

Yeah.

Now I'm not suggesting that I'm right and that you're, you know, anyone that doesn't use Apple products is wrong. The point is, if you think about Any company that you do business with, there has to be a certain level of trust. You know, you might go, well, you know, I don't trust Ryanair. By the way, I don't want to badmouth particular businesses here, but this is just an example. But you trust them enough to get you from A to B safely, right?

Yeah.

And of course, you know, there's probably a trade-off between Um, price and experience. But ultimately, if you doubted Ryanair's ability to get you safely from London to Spain or wherever it is you're going, you would not use them, would you? Um, so there has to be an amount of trust there in order for you to do any kind of business, to have any kind of commercial relationship.

Yeah, definitely. I think that's the important thing you said about Rob. If it wasn't for that trust, if it wasn't for that belief you had in each other, then there's no way you would have made that commercial decision, um, because you wouldn't have felt comfortable enough to, to put so much into something. And I guess that's—

The truth is, John, we could have done projects like that earlier, right?

But we didn't, right?

Waited. And not consciously, there was no like, we'll wait until we've been friends for a couple of years before we'll do this kind of big project together. We didn't do that, but it was just natural. The more you build a relationship with somebody, the more likelihood there is of you doing significant things together in terms of business. And of course, it's the same thing with relationships. Like, you know, um, you're not gonna get married to somebody unless a foundation of trust has been built. And some people, by the way, have different— like, not rules, but I guess, um, some people have different criteria for trust building.

Right.

Some people are able to create a feeling of trust very quickly, and they're the people that are more likely to fall into a significant relationship quickly and maybe get married quickly. Others, like, it takes a long time for somebody to build and give trust to another person, and they're less likely to get into a deeper, meaningful, intimate relationship and get married quickly.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I, I would just— there's a small caveat to that. I've worked with a few people In the past, which had actually married someone regardless of whether they trusted them or not. But that all comes down to their kind of relationship styles that they've got themselves and the emotional spaces that they're in. But like you said, there was a natural progression from how your relationship had built up over time, the trust that had built up, the closeness that had built up for you to be able to give what you felt was an appropriate amount of yourself to that relationship. whether that be financially or emotionally. So moving on from sort of the business side of things, I think it's really interesting that you, you said that there's— there was a direct correlation between that kind of personal relationship side of things and your ability to be in a really good space yourself.

Yeah.

Um, is there any sort of things that you could sort of say to the listeners that have helped you to, um, apart from like you said, you've got yourself— you stopped drinking alcohol for the year Um, how did you kind of manage to get yourself into a healthier space in order to build that kind of personal relationship and create the, the foundations that you've got now?

Yeah, I think first and foremost, the most important relationship you've got is a relationship with yourself. But the fact is, in 2015, I didn't like myself very much. And if I don't like myself very much, I'm behaving in a way that isn't aligned with my values, then how can I possibly have a relationship uh, like love anybody else really. I can't. So I think the most relationship— the most important relationship you ever have is the one you have with yourself. And as a result of that, you can then build strong relationships with other people. And of course, for me, key points I've already mentioned in terms of having a great relationship with myself are looking after my physical body and exercising and putting the right things in and not putting any— or putting less of the bad things in, let's say.

Yeah.

Which is why I stopped drinking alcohol. Um, and yeah, so once that relationship has been fixed, healed, then I was in a position to be able to have a much more healthy, loving, connected relationship with my wife and my family. But I couldn't do that when I didn't like myself.

So you started basically looking after yourself and really paying attention to you and giving yourself all the things that you needed to feel good about you. And you mentioned that—

I wouldn't say, um, know, it wasn't like a switch. It was over a period of time. I also started working with my coach. So, um, I started working with him— I forget exactly when it was now, but it was, it was probably more like 2017, to be honest.

Okay.

And when— and again, I feel like from that point on, I started to, um, have a much better relationship with myself. And there was certainly a knock-on effect. I mean, obviously, John, you're, you're a coach. Um, you, you know, fully understand the power of coaching. You, you have Um, coaches, I'm sure, for various different areas of your life. And, you know, I, my team, we coach you on, on the business side. Um, I think that as well, putting the time and the energy and the focus into developing yourself will make it much, much easier for you to have a great relationship with yourself and therefore great relationships with other people as well.

Yeah. With the coaching, what kind of significance did that have? How did that kind of push you along on your kind of self-development journey?

Yeah, I think, I think, um, the main, the main thing really was accountability. Um, and by the way, not just, you know, actions that I committed to in a coaching session and then was held accountable to and had to complete those actions by the next session. So that, yes, but also, um, frankly, the amount of money I was spending on coaching made me committed to making it work, right? So I'm like, look, I'm not gonna spend all this money on coaching and then do nothing different because that'll be a waste of money. So I think having the— making the investment of time and the significant amount of money made me accountable. And I knew that. I knew that that would be the case. That's why I did it, because I was like, look, if I'm going to invest all this money and time in coaching Then I'm not going to just continue doing the same things I've always done. I'm going to make a concerted effort to make some changes. So yeah, I think, I think having, um, other people involved in you having, forging, creating a better relationship with yourself is important. Look, the fact is, if it was easy and if we could all do it on our own, yeah, then we would all be doing it on our own.

Yeah.

Um, but you know, as you know, John, no one ever— no one teaches you in school how to have a better relationship with yourself. No one teaches you in school how to manage your emotions. No one teaches you in school how to manage your mental health. None of it. And by the way, for me— sorry for the rant— but for me, that should be 80% of the fucking curriculum. Sorry, sorry if this is a no-swearing zone.

No, no, you're good, you're good with that. It should be.

I'm learning 80% of the curriculum. Teach people, teach kids about how to manage their mental emotional state so that they can, of course, in turn build great relationships with themselves and with others. And yes, of course, they need to learn and read and write. And yes, of course, they need to learn, um, you know, like the normal curriculum.

Yeah.

But for me, it's all backwards, man. Like that it's, it's the wrong way around. We're spending so much time learning. And by the way, learning is really just, um, you know, I guess memorizing information. I'm not suggesting that some of it isn't helpful, useful later in life, but for me, the understanding of how your mind, body, um, emotions all work together, that's, that, that's far more impactful. Look, listen, I mean, yes, of course I've picked up information along the way to build a successful business. I've learned how to manage finances, I've learned how to sell, you know, I had to learn in the early days how to, you know, build websites and do all tech stuff.

Yeah.

But ultimately, the success I've had in business, certainly more recently as I've had bigger successes in business, have come down to one key thing. Funnily enough, I was speaking to somebody about this just, just a few days ago at our Expert Empires event. I believe, and this might sound arrogant, so I apologize in advance, I have mastered the ability to have difficult conversations.

Yeah.

I don't shirk away from a difficult conversation. Difficult conversations with employees, difficult conversations with business partners, difficult conversations with clients or customers. difficult conversations with family members. I'm, I'm comfortable having those conversations, and that's a skill that's been developed over time, but no one ever taught me that at school. And if, and if I'd learned that at school, then I'm sure it wouldn't have taken me 38 years to get to where I am now. I probably could have done it in 25.

Yeah.

I think that, that knowledge and understanding of how to manage your mental emotional state, how to communicate, getting comfortable with difficult conversations Um, that is what enables us to build really good relationships so we can succeed, yes, in business, but really more importantly in life.

Yeah, no, I completely agree. It is an essential skill. Um, I didn't— I was much further down the line than you. I didn't really get into that space until my early to mid-40s, um, before I kind of started to really understand my own emotional state, my mental state. the effect that was having on me physically, and the decisions I was making based on the fact that I couldn't, I couldn't really master how I was feeling. I wasn't able, like you said, to have those conversations. I wasn't able to be in confrontation with anybody or conflict or bring up how I felt about things. And again, really struggled with that relationship with myself up until that time. So as you said, the most important relationship you're ever going to have is the one with yourself. And If we're able to impart that kind of information and, and teach people how to do that from a much earlier age, I think the world will be a much healthier, uh, and brighter place for everybody.

Yeah, and I'll just underline what I said before again. I think success in intimate relationships, in business partnerships, in the relationship with yourself is getting comfortable having difficult conversations. Too many people pussyfoot around or avoid I'm thinking specifically about, you know, marriages and intimate relationships now. Avoid the difficult conversation or the uncomfortable conversation. And what happens is something that might be a small problem, yeah, when left, then becomes a much bigger problem. It's the same in business, by the way. And I'm not suggesting that I haven't made these mistakes. I avoided difficult conversations and they became big problems.

Yeah.

And that's why, you know, mistakes were made and I had big problems in my business, you know, in 2014, 2015. And I think getting comfortable having the difficult conversation, even with yourself.

Yeah.

Being really honest with yourself. Um, the most difficult conversation I had to have with myself was one where I had to accept and really face up to the fact that my relationship with alcohol was causing— it was unhealthy, and it was causing problems for me, for my family, and for my business. And that was not an easy conversation to have. Now, it was facilitated by my coach as well, right? But ultimately, I had to make the decision. I had to make the commitment. I had to then do— I had to make the effort to make the change and do something different. Difficult conversation, one that I'd avoided. But like I said, the more comfortable you become having difficult conversations with yourself, with your partner, with your friends, with clients, customers, staff, whoever it might be, The more successful you'll be.

No, definitely, I completely agree. I remember when I— it probably, I think, joining the fire service, when I was a firefighter, I think that really kind of got rid of a lot of that difficulty in addressing those kind of situations. Because before that, I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I didn't have that confidence within myself. I was quite a sensitive little soul. Um, and even though a lot of the time it was very much based in banter and stuff like that, it still allowed me to kind of think, actually, I need to kind of stick up for myself a bit here. I need to speak my mind because after being in the fire brigade for a couple of years, I wanted to leave because I felt so down and pressured and put upon and bullied because I just wasn't able to stand in my own space and, and speak out about the things that were really important to me and, and not put up with some of the things that I was putting up with. Um, and again, if I'd have— was able to have nipped that in the bud would have saved me 2 years, which were probably 2 of the worst years of my life, um, because of the space I was allowing myself to be in at that time. And I still am very much like you said, that conversation that you have with yourself. There's still some things I sit there and I'm going to do something and I don't do it, or I question it. And then it's because there's something in me that says, I don't want to know the truth here. I don't want to have this. conversation with myself about what I'm doing and what I'm not doing. Um, and then I have to, like you said, step out of that and really have that conversation with me. And if that then necessitates having a conversation with somebody else, um, so things don't escalate, um, and maybe, like you said, lead to maybe an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, whatever it might lead to for, for certain individuals.

For sure.

Yeah. Um, I forgot to say at the beginning, I'd also like to thank you for The Relationship Guy. Because if it wasn't for you, he would not exist. I would not be here in disguise. So it's been just a big thank you for that. If I hadn't sort of had that conversation with you last year and we hadn't gone down this route, The Relationship Guy wouldn't exist, this podcast wouldn't exist, and my life wouldn't be as it is today. So thank you very much for your input and help and everything that you've given to me over the last 12 months or so. Um, really, really appreciate it. It's been amazing working with you. It's been amazing talking to you today. Thank you so much for your time and your input. Um, there's so much valuable stuff that people will be able to take away from the podcast. If you could just tell me before you disappear how people can get in touch with you, um, and, uh, how, how they can work with you maybe in the future.

Thank you for your kind words. You're welcome. It's been a pleasure, um, being part of your journey and seeing you and your, and your business develop and evolve over the last, uh, over the last year or whatever it's been. Um, yeah, as far as getting in touch with me, main website expertempires.com. Um, I don't know if you could pop that in the show notes, maybe you can check it out. Um, and just connect with me on— like, to connect with me personally, social media, specifically, um, Instagram direct messages is probably the best place to get to me. Um, or indeed, you know, um, look at our page on Facebook, which you can find, uh, it's called Nick James Expert Empires.

Awesome, Nick. That— yeah, definitely, that will go in the show notes. So if you want to reach out to Nick, please do go to the show notes and get all these details. If you are especially someone in the expert industry and you really want to push yourself forward and get your business onto the next level, Definitely get in contact with Nick. Take away everything you can from what he said today, um, and remember that everything you do, there's a significance in the relationships that you build around you that are going to help you to move your life in the right direction. Thanks again, Nick, for being here today. It's been an absolute pleasure. I look forward to speaking to you again soon.

Thanks, John. Thanks for having me on.

Take care of yourself.