This content was created by John Kenny - The Relationship Guy. This content was uploaded by John Kenny - The Relationship Guy. This is a YouTube video titled "Why Would You Be Fearful of a Relationship" (uploaded 2020-09-29) containing an English personal-development talk/monologue by John Kenny - The Relationship Guy. In the excerpt he explains how people tell themselves limiting life stories, the importance of social connection and the evolutionary basis of rejection, how formative years and slower (theta) brainwave states make early experiences stick, and how the brain encodes pain and pleasure to guide behavior.
Chapters
We all have this story going around in our heads that we tell ourselves about our lives, and it's about trying to tell yourself a different story. It's writing a new chapter, it's turning the page and saying, this is now blank, rather than, this is my story and this is how my life is and this is how it's always going to be. Because that's what we do, we look into the world, this is always going to be the same, and our brain's looking for it to be the same because again, that safety in The familiar. But actually you don't, you write your own story. As a species, we are a group species, you know, we love to be in groups most of the time because we love to connect. And part of our fundamental survival as a species is that we connect when we're babies, because if we don't connect, we're not looked after, and if we're not looked after, We're gonna be on our own. And that's why rejection is such a powerful thing within us as human beings. It's because when we first developed as a species, if we were outside of the group, we would probably die. You're born in survival mode, so your brain is in survival mode. Your brain needs to learn how to survive being alive. So everything that you learn in those formative years Your brain's saying, I need to remember this because this is going to keep me alive, or I need to remember this because this is going to kill me, or whatever it is. So basically it will be pain and pleasure. So your brain wants to run away from pain and run towards pleasure. So everything that causes you pain, your brain then remembers that and says, I don't want, I don't want that. But it needs to remember it to remind you that it doesn't want it. And also, your brain is slower in the brainwaves, so it's in theta waves, so the brainwaves are a lot slower, which is like when you meditate or if you go into hypnosis state. So adding together that you've got survival mode and your brainwaves are slower, so you absorb information a lot more quickly, a lot more deeply, because you need to kind of learn as much as you possibly can in those years of your life. Therefore, those experiences really stick, and your brain says, this is what we need to do, this is going to keep us alive, this is what I need to learn, this is what I have learned, and this is what I'm going to take forwards. And it'll throw away the stuff that has less meaning.
